May Your Walls Know Joy
by halfachance
Summary: Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they meet a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.
1. The Meet

**summary:** Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they meet a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

 **a/n:** And we're back! I figured it was finally time to stop dragging my heels and post something else here for you lovely lovely people. I've spent a long time trying to work out which fic to post next, but it essentially came down to something with drama and the spy life, or something with heaps of warmth and family and love. I looked at the world, and my last multi-chapter, and chose the warmth and family and love for a change of pace and to, hopefully, make some of you smile. I started writing this just before Christmas last year after wanting to for ages, and in many ways it's sort of become my baby. I got so into it I'm pretty sure I spent some of Christmas Day just glued to my screen, writing. This is also from Sarah's POV, which Fall With You wasn't, and I loved getting into her head for a long period of time and figuring her out, so I really hope you guys all enjoy this. Because there's quite a few chapters, I'm hoping to update twice a week if I can—both so I don't string you guys along for months, but also because come mid-September I'll be moving to LA! It's as bizarre and scary and fun to say as it sounds, but I also don't know how long it might take me to get settled in, so I thought I'd get as much of this out there before whatever craziness next year is going to bring sets in.

Before I stop talking, a couple notes.  
First, one of my favourite Chuck stories on this site is WestieHopper's _Little Girls, Paper Wreaths, & Choc Chip Cookies. _I've always thought it so sweet and warm and such a great concept, and I've always been a little sad it's just the one chapter, and the story is one of the reasons I always wanted to write my own story where Sarah has a child and meets Chuck. When I started writing this fic, I realized there were gonna be some initial inescapable parallels between it and _Little Girls, Paper Wreaths, & Choc Chip Cookies_, so if you spot those, that's why, and I wanted to be upfront about those before we really get into this story. However, that story and this are pretty different, and everyone has their own different backgrounds that led them to where they are at the start of this story. The main comparisons are just that Sarah has a daughter, Chuck is their neighbour, and sometimes there are baked goods involved, and the rest is pretty different. I just couldn't get those concepts out of my head, and while I hoped to write it away quickly, I've ended up with over twenty chapters, instead. That being said, go read that fic! It's great, and I'm sure you'll see why I fell in love with it so.  
Second, thanks to my dear friend Sophie for helping me settle on a title here. Also, thanks to David Carner for offering to take the blame for my not being able to choose a title if I couldn't think of one, and also sorta being the reason this fic has chapter titles.

Okay! After that mammoth note, imma shut up. I really hope you enjoy this fic, and as ever, if you do, please leave a review and let me know!

 **disclaimer:** I do not own Chuck, hot chocolate and movies, or bubblegum flavoured toothpaste.

* * *

May your walls know joy, may every room hold laughter, and every window open to great possibility.

Mary Anne Radmacher

* * *

 **The Meet**

Elevators, Sarah's noticed, always seem to climb slowest when you want them to go fast. When you want to get out, get somewhere, run outside or dive into your home. And right now, she's heading for the latter. For her home, her new home, in fact. A small two-bedroom apartment in Los Angeles. A fresh start.  
Feeling the soft warm tiny fingers clutching her own, she smiles at the thought, sad as it is. Aware that it's the third fresh start she's gone through in four or so years.

"Almost there, okay, baby?"

Amy rubs a hand over her eye when Sarah looks down, nodding as she does so and humming in quiet assent. The sight, her daughter so sleepy, so tired, and yet increasingly more her own person, growing so fast, makes something familiar tug inside of Sarah.  
The little girl is worth it, every bit. Every fresh start.

The arrival of Amy had been, in no short way, a complete surprise. An accident. A very unexpected result of a very unexpected night, that led Sarah to re-examine every aspect of her life, her job, and start afresh, the first time.  
She'd met Amy's father in the downtime between two missions. Feeling the weight of her job, and in desperate need of a night to relax and regroup, she'd headed to a bar, hoping the alcohol and the various people in the place might at least distract her, serve to remind her of why she was with the CIA in the first place. To help keep those sorts of people safe. When she'd started talking to a cute guy named Mark, though, she'd decided to treat herself. A month later she found out she was pregnant, and when she'd used her CIA resources to track down the guy to let him know, she'd discovered he had been killed two weeks before by the very organization Sarah worked for. Though her first instinct was fear that he'd been a target of a CIA investigation, that was carrying the child of the sort of man she'd apprehended on missions so many times before, she'd quickly found him listed as collateral damage in the agency report, which made things all the more awful. Apparently, he'd been at a bar with a friend of his—a friend who, without his knowledge, was a rogue agent. Mark had been clueless, and when the CIA team had ambushed both men in the alley outside the bar, one agent had clipped the innocent man in the side. He bled out in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, no idea that the woman he'd met a month earlier was pregnant with his child. His friend, at least, survived and was promptly imprisoned.

The news had stunned Sarah, left her entirely confused, and also completely numb. The life she'd known had taken the life of the father of her child, and though she had hardly known him, had spent all of six hours with him, and really had no idea whether he would've cared she was pregnant, would've stayed or not, she knew she couldn't remain with the CIA. She'd already been questioning the sketchy ideals she'd been drawn into as a teenager, already been feeling more and more worn down with every mission, but she knew such an innocent death had to be the final straw. And she was determined not to have a child while aligned with that history, the agency that cared so little about civilian life that an innocent death was an acceptable loss. And so she'd handed her gun and badge to Langston Graham himself, found an office job in New York, and tried to start over.

It's hard to start over another time, Sarah thinks. But she'd put it off long enough, she'd stayed in New York despite how hard it felt, until she'd finally decided it was time to move on. And having spent the past four days without Amy, while she'd been moving to California and helping the movers shift all their belongings into their new little apartment, Sarah's ready for a quiet comfy evening in their new home, her daughter in her arms, treating themselves to some hot chocolate.

She suppresses a smile as the elevator doors finally slide open. A few years ago, she'd never have imagined she'd be here. Settled. Happy, more or less, or trying to be. A mother.  
And yet here she is.

"Alright, Ames, you ready?" she asks, readjusting the tiny green backpack on her shoulder as she steps out into the hall, her little shadow following her like always. Amy looks up at her, eyes wide, beaming, and nods again, enthusiastically this time. Her curls shake atop her head, the pigtails Sarah's mother had tied in this morning still staying fast. "Okay, it's just down here."  
When Amy grins a little cheekily, however, Sarah just knows what's going to happen. She squeezes her daughter's fingers, trying to pre-empt it, but Amy wriggles free, giggling as she tears down the hall in a blonde blur.

"Amy- be careful!" With a deep breath, Sarah jogs after the little girl, just hoping Amy tires before she reaches their new apartment, right at the end of the hallway. Just before she rounds the corner of the hall, though, she hears an all-too familiar thud, and quiet whimpers sound out from the space. "Oh, god,"

Hurrying, and turning the corner, she sees Amy sitting on the carpeted floor, back hunched as she faces away from Sarah, hands in little fists by her side. Her cries, however, have ceased before they'd begun. And Sarah's pretty sure that's due to the guy looking at Amy, standing outside the apartment door right opposite the new Walker residence, keys in his hand and his eyes wide.

"Oh. Hi." The guy says, and for some reason Sarah finds herself hanging back, watching as Amy, completely unexpectedly, raises a hand and waves. Sarah gapes. Well, that's a first.  
Amy is at what feels like an endless stage of being very shy to strangers. It had started after Sarah had had to give her then very boisterous two-and-a-half year old a talk about not speaking to people she doesn't know, but for months now it seems to have tipped the other way. Amy is often extremely shy, and quiet, and most times takes a good three or four times having met someone to warm up to them. Apart from, apparently, right at this moment.

Suddenly realizing she's standing in the middle of the hallway doing nothing, Sarah shakes her head.  
"Amy," she calls, sense having returned to her, and Amy whips her head around, pigtails flying, before scrambling up and barreling toward her. She collides with Sarah's legs so quickly she actually lets out an oof before she burrows her face into her mother's thigh. Sarah smirks at the sight. "Oh, now you're shy."

Looking up, she sees the guy, their new neighbor, still stuck outside his door, still looking rather confused.

"Hi." he says again, evidently greeting them both this time, and Sarah grins instinctively at his awkwardness, bending down to scoop up Amy while balancing the bag over her shoulder in a three and a half year practiced move. Once more acting shy and hiding her face in Sarah's neck, Amy clings on like the hug-bug she is (one of the few pictures of Amy that Sarah has actually sent her father in prison over the past couple years, had a one-year-old Amy clinging to her. He'd coined the nickname, and despite herself Sarah hasn't been able to let it go). Undeterred, Sarah steps forward, ignoring the slight butterflies in her stomach. She shouldn't be nervous meeting people, she used to be a spy for goodness' sake, but meeting new neighbors is sort of a big deal if this is going to be her and Amy's new home, which she really hopes it will be. It's a nice place, in a nice neighborhood, she's a little closer to her mother here, and far from the life and the memories of New York. She wants this place to work. And if they end up with an asshole for a neighbor, well, that makes things suck before they've even begun.

"Hey," she greets, heading toward the guy, reaching into her pocket for her keys so he doesn't get the impression that she's just moving to chat for no reason. "I, uh, I see you've already met Amy,"

To her pleasant surprise, he grins, nose crinkling and eyes going all warm.  
"Yeah. She, well, she fell and then she didn't look too happy, but I guess she saw this stupid face of mine and immediately got over it."

Sarah snorts, rubbing her hand on Amy's back. The little girl only cuddles in tighter, with such a grip Sarah's sure she hardly needs to hold her up.  
"Yeah, she's just a little excited to see our new place. We just moved in?" She points the keys to the closed door of their new apartment, and realization dawns on the guy's features.

"Oh, yeah, I heard stuff the past couple days but I guess I hadn't bumped into you yet."

"I've been here since Wednesday moving things in, but I just collected Amy from my mom's this morning. She slept on the flight so I guess she's still got a lot of energy, but, uh," She lowers her voice, leans in a little conspiratorially. "Hopefully she'll crash soon."

"Nuh-uh." Amy huffs, ever the spy's daughter with her excellent hearing.

Shifting, Sarah nudges the three-year-old back a little, makes her look up at her.  
"Bug, d'you wanna say hi to our new neighbor, Mr...?" She looks up at the man, realizing she doesn't even know his name.

"Oh, Chuck." He grins, upbeat, and Sarah tries not to raise an eyebrow at his demeanor and, frankly, his name.

"Mr Chuck?" she completes, smiling encouragingly at her daughter.

Amy just shakes her head, though, burrowing back into Sarah, and she grimaces. Familiar though this routine is, with Amy's little wave earlier, Sarah had hoped a change was on the horizon. Next year, Amy will head to pre-K, and soon here she'll start at a new daycare, and Sarah desperately wants her daughter to have a nice, normal life, surrounded by friends, peers, people to know. Especially now when they're in a new place, and her few friends, kids of other moms from the Mom's Group Sarah tried to get to once a month, other children from the office daycare, are all back in New York. They've had to leave everything behind, but she just wants Amy to be grounded. Happy. The opposite of what Sarah got to be so often as a child.

When she looks up, she sees Chuck eyeing her, kind softness in his gaze, and he takes a hesitant step forward. Turning toward him, Sarah shifts Amy in her grip once more, and taking that as the invitation it is, Chuck moves closer, bending down a little and bracing his hands on his knees, grinning at Amy's head of hair.

"Hi, Miss Amy," he says, and Sarah almost hugs him at his saying that alone, picking up on what she'd called him and adapting it. Along with meeting new people, manners and politeness are still things Amy's grappling with.

The little girl shifts, though, seeming to open up a little, and Sarah rubs her back again.  
"C'mon, baby, remember what I said about meeting new people, when I'm here?"

Finally, _finally_ , Amy turns, looking out, blinking a few times at Chuck like the new curious creature he is.  
"Hi," she says, voice quiet and still shy, but Sarah grins, pressing a kiss to Amy's crown.

"Well done," she murmurs, and Chuck waves at Amy again before straightening up.

"It's nice to meet you," he says, then looks up Sarah's way. "And you..."

"Sarah," she says, not surprised that it's taken this long to get to her in this conversation. She's used to it, by now.

"Sarah." he repeats, smiling, eyes warm once more, and she smiles back, instinctively. His smile is the kind of smile that requires it, she thinks. "Really. I, uh, I hope you get settled in fine. And- and my door's always open, if you need anything."

She nods.  
"Same here."

"I, uh, I better go, I'm meeting a friend. But I'll see you around, I suppose. And you, Miss Amy," He looks down at Amy, who's still just eyeing him curiously, her thumb in her mouth. Sarah unconsciously tugs the little hand down and wipes off the drool without even looking.

"Definitely." she says, and he grins once more before murmuring a goodbye and heading down the hall. When she turns to unlock her door, she sees him look over his shoulder, offering a brief wave and another wide grin before he disappears round the corner.  
Well, Sarah thinks. She seems to have one very nice neighbor, at least.

Once she's unlocked the door and pushed it open, she shifts Amy on her hip, the little girl's weight slowly beginning to numb her arm. Amy's tall for her age, with long limbs, the perfect imitation of her mother at that age, and a large part of Sarah misses the time when her daughter was the tiniest little thing, small enough to be cradled in both arms, carried everywhere, never wanting to be put down. Now, Amy wriggles, of course impatient to see her new home.

"Alright, Ames," she says, reaching for the light switch as she steps inside and closes the door. "What d'you think?"

The room gets flooded in light, surfaces illuminating, and Sarah crouches down to Amy's level as the little girl's eyes get wide, looking around. Even though the wonder in her features isn't unexpected- she's three years old, most things impress her- it's still pretty magical.  
The place is bigger than their old apartment, partly why Sarah had wanted to move in the first place, and most of the furniture is new, fresh and clean and something to discover for Amy. The shelves and tables are decorated with their own belongings, all already unpacked since Sarah hadn't wanted Amy disturbed by constant boxes being moved in and out, packing paper thrown everywhere, rooms being unliveable, but the rest is pretty new, pretty different. The kitchen counters are white where they'd been black in New York. The couches are brown where they'd been grey in New York. And this is partly why Sarah had chosen this place, it's the most different she could find. For a fresh start. To leave New York in New York, and start LA anew. To make this place a home.

"It's awesome. And it's super big!" Amy breathes, and Sarah chuckles at her daughter's rather overactive imagination.

"It is. Now, how about I give you the grand tour, and then we get into our pjs and have some cocoa and watch a movie?"

Amy beams, the routine a familiar treat to her by now, and Sarah grins, standing and scooping up her little girl again as she goes, reveling in the opportunity to hold her, while she still can.

* * *

She sits back, setting the remote on the arm of the couch by her side, the movie now virtually silent. Amy is heavy in her lap, one of her rather pointy elbows nestled all too happily in Sarah's stomach, but she cannot find a single thing in her to want to move.  
This, this is heaven. These quiet silent moments she gets to spend, just her, her daughter, now here in their new home, the scent of cocoa still in the air. There's a smudge of chocolate on Amy's cheek that Sarah ignores as she runs her hand through her little girl's hair, now freed from those oh so efficient pigtails. She'll have to wake Amy from this nap soon anyway, make her brush her teeth and wash her face before bed, the routine key to a full night's sleep, but Sarah thinks five more minutes won't matter.

Because she never thought she'd get here. Get this. As she'd thought in the elevator earlier, her life could have been so different, was going to be so different. She'd trained and lived as a spy, from the age of 17, and that was all that she seemed to be destined for. It's all people like Graham had wanted her to be. It's, honestly, all Sarah had wanted _herself_ to be. Because though she'd entertained ideas of a normal life, put forward in some impossible someday, thoughts of a white picket fence, a family, kids, despite thinking it, she had never thought she deserved it, never thought she could get there. Spies don't have feelings, spies don't have families, that's what had been drilled into her since late childhood. And yet stepping away had felt like the easiest thing to do, despite the utter fear she felt, still feels, at something so important, difficult, terrifying, as raising a child. Alone. Because despite reaching out to her mother, finding out where her father was, despite trying to settle down, Sarah has basically been alone in this entire journey.

And it's been tough. First the pregnancy, the sickness, the insomnia, the fear at every flip Amy did in her stomach, then the birth, then the frantic crazy early months where she barely slept, then going through it all again when Amy reached two... it was worse than any spy mission, any training drill, any test scenario had ever been.  
But, as Amy shifts, elbow digging deeper into Sarah's stomach, it's still so, so, worth it. Impossibly so.

Even if being alone is still something that eats away at her. Even if the ideas of what might have been, could have been, had a CIA agent not been careless in an op and shot an innocent bystander, still fill her mind, a lot. Even if those dreams, idyllic unrealistic concepts of the perfect family in the perfect home, always involving someone by her side as Amy grows, someone to love, someone who would love, are still dreams she secretly wishes she could achieve. Even if the memories of New York, so long ago, still haunt her a little.  
She'd been so close, and so fooled.

But she won't think about that. She refuses to. And so she turns off the television, and runs her hand through Amy's hair once more before tickling her side, gently. She's got her mother's reflexes, and any intense tickle fight would lead to a limb thrown somewhere it would definitely hurt, Sarah knows from multiple, bruise-inducing, experiences.

"C'mon, baby, bedtime."

Amy squints, peels open an eye.  
"Mhm," she grunts, negatively.

"Yes." Sarah insists, nudging her a little. "Are you excited to spend the night in your new bed?"

"Ooh!" At that, Amy wakes, jumping up, and Sarah catches her in mid-air, just stopping her from landing right on the coffee table. She stands, setting Amy safely on the floor once more. "My bed's big now."

"Yeah, it is. And you've got big new blankets, too."

The little girl frowns a little.  
"But, I still got Dog, right?"

"Yeah, Ames, you've still got Dog," Sarah murmurs, walking through to the bathroom, hand-in-hand with Amy, thinking of the old stuffed bunny the little girl adores. It was a gift from Sarah's mother when Amy was born, and the three-year-old hasn't stopped loving it since, even with the animal's fur gradually getting more faded and matted, even with the slightly frayed seams Sarah's stitched up a few times already.

Switching on the bathroom light, she automatically reaches for the bathroom step, moved from New York to here, lifting Amy up and standing her on it before reaching for a toothbrush and toothpaste. Sarah indulges in the bubblegum flavor since it's their first night in the new place, rather than the sickly sweet strawberry Amy hates.

"Here you go," she says as she hands the brush over, and Amy takes it, brushing a few times.

"Thank you," she mumbles around the brush, some paste already making a bid for freedom and running down her chin, but Sarah appreciates the politeness and nods.

"You're welcome."

"I like-"

"Uh-uh- brush for your two minutes, then speak."

With a sigh that almost comes accompanied by an eye roll, which terrifies Sarah, Amy pouts but keeps brushing, and Sarah counts down aloud until she reaches for the brush again and Amy finally spits out the paste and begins to talk.

"Like the house," she says, little hands reaching for her mouthwash, all set up by the sink. Sarah covers her hands with her own and does most of the squeezing for her, watching the pale blue liquid rise up inside the bottle and fill the top of the neck, before lifting it and helping Amy to tip it back.

"I like it too. It's different from New York, but it's nice, isn't it?" Amy hums a mmm-hmm while still swishing her mouthwash around, to Sarah's relief. Once she spits it out, Sarah wipes up her face before lifting her down from the step and following Amy's speedy pace to her new bedroom, switching on the light just as they get there.

"It _is_!" Amy giggles, leaping onto her bed and writhing about to somehow get herself underneath the covers while being on top of them at the same time, grabbing hold of Dog as she does so. "And I like Mr Chuck!"

Oh. Sarah pauses at that, blinking, watching as her daughter just grins at her all toothily, her squished bunny tight in her hands. For Amy to remember their neighbor that well, to say she likes him this long after, she must really have liked him. In fact, for her to say that at all is a big deal, Amy rarely warms to anyone, any of Sarah's few friends, and back in New York she certainly hadn't warmed to… Sarah won't go there.

Taking a deep breath, she nods.  
"Yeah. He's a nice neighbor." It's hardly a creative response, but it's enough to make Amy flop back in bed, actually nestling beneath the sheets, and Sarah smiles as she properly tucks her in, then pulls up Amy's fluffy desk chair and looks at the stack of books at the foot of the bed. "What story d'you want tonight, bug?"

"Hmmmm," Amy drags it out, pretending to think long and hard, but Sarah already knows the major options she's dealing with. She'd stacked the books with that in mind; the ones atop the pile are all of Amy's favorites, and so, are the most worn, the most loved and well-read, with dog-eared corners and split spines. Giggling, Amy nods. "Cind'rella."

"Good choice!" Sarah grins, plucking the book up and wheeling herself across the room, opening the story to the first page to show the pictures Amy knows by heart, the words Sarah doesn't have to even read anymore. They're both fans of any princess with blonde hair, far more than most other princesses, though Sarah can't possibly think why.

By the time Cinderella has left her shoe on the stairs (something Sarah always questions the likelihood of happening, since even if it works for the story she'd had to run with one shoe on a mission once and it was not comfortable), Amy is asleep, breaths heavy, mouth wide open against her pillow, Dog trapped under her arm. Sarah strokes her curls once more before standing up, switching off Amy's bedside lamp to leave the room lit just by the comforting glow of her nightlight. Smiling at the peaceful sight in front of her, she heads back out into the apartment, keeping Amy's door open in case the girl wakes during the night, in a new unfamiliar place, and decides to wander through to Sarah's room. It's likely to happen, she knows.

Yet as she quietly cleans up, then lounges around and watches some TV, Sarah can't stop thinking about her daughter's words, about their new neighbor. About her liking him that much, already. It's nothing short of a miracle, but it's also completely unexpected. And when Sarah hears footsteps in the hall outside, the jangling of keys, just before she heads to bed that night, she can't help but curiously spy through the peephole in the front door, and watch as Chuck heads into his apartment. Just as he unlocks his door, though, he turns around, looks her way, and smiles. Sarah jumps back from the door before she can get any more confused.  
He can't have known she was there, watching, there's no way he would have known that. And so he must just have been smiling, at their apartment door, at them.

Because perhaps, Sarah thinks, if they like him, he might just like them too. She walks away and heads to bed before she can ask herself just quite what that might mean.

* * *

 **a/n 2:** And that's that! I gotta say, writing kids is fun, I think Amy's pretty adorable even if I do say so myself. And writing Sarah as a former spy, and a mother, figuring out how that changes her from canon-Sarah, is a fun challenge. I really really hope you liked this introductory chapter, I'd love to know all your thoughts on this story, questions you have at this point, so please leave a review! I love them so.  
See you in a couple days for chapter 2, 'The Cake', when, yes, those delicious baked goods begin to make their appearance.

-Kiera :)


	2. The Cake

**summary:** Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they find a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

 **a/n:** Wow! You guys were so awesome with your reactions to the first chapter, so thanks so much for all your favourites and follows, and to everyone who left a review, thanks for being so lovely. I'm so glad y'all are enjoying this story already, I only hope you enjoy the rest. With that in mind, here's Chapter 2! Chapter 1 was sort of part-prologue, but enough still happened I decided to keep it a chapter in its own right, to introduce you guys to this world and this Sarah, and Amy, of course. This chapter, though, gets a lot more into things, and I'm sure you'll be glad to know there's a fair bit of Chuck and Sarah interaction in this one, fleeting meetings in the hall, we are no more. I will say, Chuck and Sarah are gonna be pretty slow burn for a while in this fic. I figured, since y'know, they've literally only just met, and Sarah has a child, that made sense. Hopefully, though, their interaction in this chapter will let you guys know the kind of tone they're gonna take. There may not be any intense makeouts two chapters in (sorry), but I still think there's plenty of sweetness and warmth between them to tide you over.  
Without further ado, then, enjoy! As ever, please leave a review if you like what you read, you guys make my day with them.

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Chuck, shiny offices, plastic stethoscopes, or lizards.

* * *

 **The Cake**

"Is it shiny?" Amy asks, words a little muffled around the rather large lollipop in her mouth. Sarah keeps her hand on the little girl's back as they move through the lobby of the apartment building, smiling politely at an older couple as they move out, even while the exhaustion from a full day of work sits on her shoulders.

Today was her first day at her new job, and Amy had spent the day at her new daycare, getting to know all the other kids and the staff. This morning, saying goodbye, was ridiculously tough. The moment she'd had to watch Amy walk away, Sarah had immediately started worrying whether she'd like the place, and fretting over whether leaving everything behind and starting over was the right call for them both. Somehow, everything just felt too soon. Sarah had wanted them both to spend a little more time getting used to LA, since two weeks has felt like no time at all, but since her office wanted her to start as soon as possible, she figured it would be best not to piss off her new employers too rapidly. So, she'd found a good place for Amy and headed to work today. It was fine, and though she's glad it's over, her coworkers were polite, her boss seems nice, and she's a step up from the position she'd had in New York. And, of course, Amy was fine at daycare; now the three-year-old has stopped rambling about how much she'd loved it all, she's moved onto questions about her mother's new job.

"Yeah, it's a little shiny," Sarah says, suppressing a chuckle. She may only be an accountant, but Amy has always thought her mother's job is big and impressive. "My office is made of glass."

"Woah!" Amy gapes, mouth lolling around the candy, before she frowns abruptly. "But, can't they see you?"

"Yeah they can, that's the point. They can see I'm there and then they can come in and ask me questions." Smiling, Sarah steers them round to the row of mailboxes situated just before the elevator. "Hold on, bug, let me see if we've got any mail."

"Ooh, will there be Christmas cards?"

She smirks, knowing her daughter's affection for that particular holiday.  
"Since it's August, probably not." she murmurs, reaching for her key, but Amy just shrugs, undeterred.

"Maybe they're just ready real early."

"Maybe." Smiling as Amy hums to herself while still gnawing on her lollipop, apparently pleased with that answer, Sarah opens the mailbox, taking out the few letters sitting there for them. Most of them are stamped "bill" or look like advertisements, but one of them has a handwritten envelope, and Sarah eyes it curiously as she closes the box again and starts to walk. "Elevator, Ames."

Still humming, Amy leads the way, and Sarah follows as she opens the envelope, seeing a nice printed card inside. The front reads _On your new home_ with a little poem, and has four embossed cartoon bunny rabbits standing outside a little country cottage. It's an idyllic scene that is absolutely nothing like just Sarah and Amy and their LA apartment, but the sentiment is nice. The inside is signed 'Mom', and Sarah finds her mouth twisting into a wry smile as she folds the card shut again and passes it down to Amy. Though she and her mother aren't as close as many parents and children are, and aren't really as close as Sarah knows Emma wishes they were, these sorts of offerings are still nice, welcome. Like a family should be.

With thankfully not sticky fingers, Amy takes the card.  
"It's not a Christmas card but we do have a card from Grandma," Sarah says, and Amy giggles as she looks at the cute bunnies, stepping into the elevator when it arrives without even looking. As she pretends to read the front, she pulls the lollipop from her mouth and passes it up to Sarah, who wordlessly reaches into her purse for the plastic wrap she'd kept once she opened the candy. She knows from experience that Amy tires of these things eventually—far too often, her little eyes are much bigger than her mouth.

"Why's there a house?" Amy asks, tilting her head at the cartoon. Sarah smiles, strokes her daughter's hair.

"It's a card because we've got a new home. Sometimes people give cards for that kind of reason," she explains, pointing at the cottage.

"I like it." Amy smiles. "Can I have cake for dinner?"

Suppressing a burst of laughter at the three-year-old's ridiculously unsubtle changing of the subject, Sarah just about manages to keep her face straight.  
"Ha. No."

Amy pouts, batting her eyelashes in a way that never works to persuade anyone, but does make her adorable.  
"Please?"

"No." Sarah shakes her head as she tucks a stray curl behind Amy's ear before the little girl can get upset. "But if you're good and you eat all your proper dinner, and if you clean your room like I asked you to yesterday, maybe we can have cake for dessert."

"Yay!"  
Amy squeals, dissolving into happy giggles, and Sarah grins, feeling somewhat sneaky. She'd basically planned on this. The two of them had made a pretty big cake yesterday to spend some time together before work and daycare began, and the thing's gotta be eaten somehow. But Amy looks so happy, she'll let her think it's a reward. Plus, Sarah hopes it might make her clean her room; they may only have been in LA for two weeks, but Amy's space is already covered in what feels like every board game, blanket, stuffed animal, and random item from a medical set that they own, and the younger Walker has been in no hurry to clean up.

The elevator arrives on their floor, and unlike when they'd moved in the other week, Amy sticks by Sarah as they head down the hall this time, still holding the card in her hand, Sarah still with a sticky lollipop wrapped up in her palm.

"I told Jenny 'bout our cake," Amy rambles, talking of her new favorite teacher, the head of the daycare and the woman who looks after the three and four year olds. The name will always be a little unnerving for Sarah, but the place had come recommended, and after having to leave a really good daycare in New York, she'd accepted the weirdness of knowing a Jenny again for the sake of her daughter's happiness. "She says she wants to try it- Mr Chuck!"

Looking up from her daughter, Sarah frowns, then immediately suppresses a smile when she sees their neighbor standing outside his door, keys in hand, looking a little stunned just like he did when they met not so long ago. Now, though, his blank expression fades into a cheerful grin, and he turns toward them.

"Hiya Miss Amy!" he greets, and Sarah does smile then, watching as Amy tosses away the card in her hand to wave at Chuck. He waves back, and Amy giggles, and Sarah smirks as she scoops up the card before Amy inevitably stands on it or something. "Hey, Sarah."

She tries not to raise an eyebrow at his greeting her too. It's not that she'd thought he'd forget her name, or that she thinks he's rude or would ignore her, but as she'd thought when they met, it's easy to just focus on Amy, the bundle of happy energy that she is. Sarah's used to being second, and she's fine with it, really. But it still feels nice, as she looks at Chuck, sees his smile, the warmth in his gaze as he looks right at her, such kindness in his voice. Though many instincts from her spy days have left her now, noticing details about people has always been something she's done, and usually, she spots them for the worse- people avoiding her gaze, hesitation in someone's speech, closed-off expressions. But Chuck is a pleasant surprise, openness, warmth, and he remembered her name. She blinks in quiet surprise before she opens her mouth to reply.

"We're having cake for dinner!" Amy says, and Sarah resists the urge to frown at her daughter's interruption, though quite for what reason, the words or just being interrupted overall, she's not sure.

"I- Amy." she says, voice stern, as Amy looks back at her, looking suitably chastened. Though she frowns for a moment like she's about to protest, Sarah keeps her gaze firm, and Amy slumps, turning back to Chuck and scuffing her shoe on the carpet.

"Okay. We're having cake for dessert."

"That sounds great." Chuck laughs, which thankfully makes Amy stand tall again and giggle, moving nearer him.

"Mommy and I made it, it's _huge_. D'you want some?"

When Chuck seems to hesitate, Sarah steps nearer, smooths down Amy's hair.  
"Oh, baby, I think Chuck was just heading out-"

"Actually, I, uh, I just got home." He gestures to his outfit, a white shirt and grey tie Sarah recognizes for some reason but can't put her finger on quite how. "But I- I wouldn't wanna intrude." He smiles a little awkwardly, and Sarah thinks he really does mean that, about not intruding. Though his thoughtfulness is unnecessary, it's still nice.

Amy turns, eyes wide, a look Sarah knows all too well.  
"Mommy…" she says, voice pleading, and Sarah crouches down by her side, winking knowingly before looking up at Chuck again, smirking.

"Mr Chuck, if you would like to come for some cake, Amy would like to have you there."

"Mmhm!" Amy says, nodding frantically, and Sarah has to hold her in place so she doesn't inevitably start jumping up and down in excitement.

Chuck just looks at them, still seeming a little stunned, but slowly nods.  
"Okay."

With a giggle, Amy turns.  
"Mommy, he said yes," she whispers, loudly, so loudly Chuck evidently hears it if his soft laugh is any indication.

"I know," Sarah says, tapping Amy's nose before standing up, looking at her neighbor and apparently her daughter's new favorite person. "We have dinner to get and Amy needs to clean her room, but we should be free by seven?"

Chuck grins, nose crinkling, eyes going soft at the sides, and nods again.  
"Sure. I'll see you both then."

"Okay!" Amy says, walking away to the front door of the apartment, evidently now satisfied since plans have been made, and Sarah chuckles as she follows after her. "See you later, Mr Chuck!"

He waves a goodbye before slipping into his apartment, and Sarah finds herself shaking her head in disbelief as she steps into her own home. For not quite three and a half, her daughter is remarkably good at making plans.

* * *

After some cartoon watching, a minor tantrum over a certain little girl's stubbornness with regards to cleaning up plastic stethoscopes and stuffed dinosaurs, and a thankfully easy dinner time, a knock sounds out on the apartment door a couple minutes after 7pm. Sarah had had the forethought to sit Amy on the couch with a book so she wasn't so focused on the time, or else they would've been staring at the door from 6:30 onwards, but now, at the noise, the little girl sits up excitedly. Smirking, Sarah heads to the door before her daughter can barrel forwards and try to tug it open herself.

"Stay there, baby," she says, and Amy furrows her brow.

"But it's-"

She raises a hand, trying to calm her daughter down.  
"I know it's probably Mr Chuck, but it might not be, so let me check, okay?"

Amy pouts, but doesn't go any further, and slouches back in her chair.  
"Okay."

Nodding, Sarah takes a deep breath, looking through the peephole and seeing, yes, it's their neighbor. He's changed from that outfit into jeans and a t-shirt, and... she raises an eyebrow. He's holding flowers. The damn man is holding flowers, her nice kind warm neighbor who her daughter somehow already adores. And that just makes Sarah's slight worry increase a little bit- she is so unused to having anyone in her space anymore. Anyone to even just chat to. What happened in New York was a while ago, and she knows how closed-off she's become since then, how introverted. The few friends she'd had, and has left behind now, were just colleagues or mothers of Amy's friends, and other than that it's just been her and her three-year-old. And now here, in LA, Chuck will be the first person to come into their home, the first new person she'll have socialized with- if you can call sharing cake socializing- in so long.  
This, is why she tries to avoid letting Amy make plans. They always end up being things she'd never prepare for herself.

Sliding back the chain, she opens the door, smiling, and seeing how Chuck immediately smiles too the moment he sees her. She instantly fights back the warmth his grin makes her feel.  
"Hi," he murmurs, and she nods.

"Hi. Um, come in, please."

He steps forward, raises the bouquet in his hands a little awkwardly.  
"I, uh, I brought you guys some flowers. My sister gave me some a couple days ago because she thought my apartment looked boring, and they haven't died yet." He winces, like he realizes quite how that sounds, and Sarah finds herself smiling until he keeps going. "But-but they're pretty nice, I thought they could be a housewarming gift. Two weeks late, but still,"

She chuckles, reaching out and taking the bouquet of what, among a few other flowers, is mostly gardenias.  
"Thank you, that's very thoughtful," she says, shaking her head, looking over the petals. "I actually love gardenias-"

"Hi!" Sarah blinks, then looks down to find Amy has suddenly appeared at her side, grinning up at Chuck. "You got a sister?"

"Amy," she says, a frequent questioning in her tone, and the little girl pauses.

"Oh. Ahem." Amy frowns in thought, then nods. "Hi, Mr Chuck, how're you? Also, you got a sister?"

Well, it's better than nothing, Sarah supposes, though she still suppresses the urge to groan as she moves into the kitchen, finding the empty vase she rarely uses and settling the flowers into it as she watches Chuck and Amy talk. He crouches down so he's nearer eye level- helpful, since only standing opposite him a moment ago had Sarah realized quite how tall he is.

"I'm good, thank you, Miss Amy. And yeah, my sister's called Ellie, she's awesome. She's a doctor." Chuck says, with a proud grin, and Sarah smirks. If Amy didn't already love the guy, having a doctor in the family certainly made that worse.

The little girl gasps, and Sarah leans on the kitchen counter, looking out as she sees Amy's eyes widen.  
"She's a doctor?! Mommy, did you hear that?" She turns around, looking awed, and Sarah smiles, though mainly that's at Chuck's rather bemused expression next to Amy. With no warning, the three-year-old latches onto his arm, tugging him forward and forcing him to stand again as she drags him into the kitchen.

"I did hear that, Ames, that's really cool."

"It _is_. I play doctors all the time, Mr Chuck, it's very important. I got my own 'scope." she says, sincerely, and Chuck laughs softly as she moves him fully into the kitchen. "Ooh, I'll show you!"

Wincing, since they've only just cleared all that stuff away, Sarah leaps in.  
"Maybe later- I think Mr Chuck might like his cake first."

Amy gasps again, looking aghast at apparently forgetting about the cake until now.

"Yeah, yeah, that sounds good," Chuck says, smiling but sending Sarah a grateful look that implies he's aware he just got out of something. Amy still doesn't let up, instead tugging him to the breakfast bar and shuffling him to a seat, and though Sarah has half a mind to ask her daughter to stop dragging their poor neighbor from A to B, thankfully Amy lets go to let Chuck sit down himself. Sarah swings around the counter to lift Amy up and into one of the high seats, the one designated with a big fluffy purple cushion so the little girl can actually see over the countertop.

"Chuck, would you like something to drink? Tea, coffee, soda, water?"

"Oh, uh, soda, sure," he says, a little awkwardly again, and Sarah sends him as kind a smile as she can muster, knowing quite how overwhelming Amy can be.

"Can I have soda?" Amy pipes up, grinning cheekily, like she knows she shouldn't ask that question. She does know. She shouldn't.

"It's almost bedtime, you know you can't." Sarah mumbles, automatically pouring out milk and heating it in the microwave. The excitement of having Chuck over will already make for an animated bedtime, let alone adding soda to the mix. As Sarah deals with the drinks and cuts up the cake, Amy keeps chattering away to Chuck, who replies pretty well, talking more about his sister and food and his opinion on cats (he likes them but he's allergic, much to Amy's sadness), but once the slice of frosting-covered cake is sat in front of the three-year-old, she quietens, promptly lifting up her fork and digging in.

Chuck tucks in too, and as he does so, his eyes widen.  
"You guys made this?"

"Yeah!" Amy says, somehow already with frosting on her cheek, nose, and forehead. "Mommy is great with cakes!"

"Well, I try," Sarah admits, telling the truth. Since she was hardly raised with family recipes, she's had to defer to the internet for many good recipes the past couple years, but if they're a hit with two people, one of whom is over five, then they must be okay.

"It's definitely awesome," Chuck says, grinning, and Sarah finds herself smiling right back in reply.

When Amy has eaten most of her cake and is apparently satisfied, she tips back some of her milk and sits up.  
"Can I go draw Mr Chuck a picture?" She grins.

"Wait a second," Sarah taps her own cheek, and Amy jumps down from her seat, rushing around the counter and waiting patiently as Sarah cleans up the frosting from all over her face. When she's gotten the sticky sugar out of her daughter's eyebrow, she nods. "Okay, now you can go."  
She ruffles her hair and Amy giggles, then runs off into her room. When the door half-closes, Sarah sees Chuck blink a little, like he's wondering quite what just happened, before he smiles at her over his glass of lemonade.

"I'm, uh, I'm sure you don't need me to tell you, but she's a great kid."

Sarah grins at his compliment, even if it's one she knows, and has heard before.  
"Thanks. And she is, I know, she's also just very excited right now. New place, new people, and it's been a while since I had any friends over."

He narrows his eyes a little, curious.  
"Can I- Where were you before you moved here, I don't think you said?"

"New York," Sarah says, telling the truth. Once upon a time, when deep in the CIA, she would have hesitated before admitting such a truth as her prior location. Now, it's just a normal thing to say. "I know, it's the opposite end of the country, but I got a job offer here and... it was time to move."

He smiles, softly.  
"What d'you think of LA so far, then? I mean, I'm California born and bred, so I'm super biased, but..."

She chuckles, shrugging a little.  
"It's great. I, uh, I spent some time in San Diego, growing up, but I much prefer LA, I think. And it's generally a lot warmer here than New York, so I guess that helps, even if we don't know anyone here."

"You don't?" he asks, brow furrowed a little, just inquisitively. "Oh, I- I wasn't sure if that's why you moved, or something."

Though she probably should've seen this kind of conversation coming, she just purses her lips, shrugs a shoulder.  
"No, it was... Like I said, it was the job offer, but I'd been wanting to move a while, from the company, from where we were. There's some not-so-good memories for us there."

Chuck pulls a face suddenly, sits back.  
"Sorry, I'm being super nosy, you don't have to-"

"It was over a year ago, it's okay," she says, before she can even think. She debates explaining, going further, admitting all of this to a virtual stranger, just the man who lives across the hall. But she knows this is just another thing she's had to un-learn, or relearn, from the CIA. How to open up, how to be honest, with kind people, even if they're ones you've just met. She pulls a face at her wording, shakes her head. "Well, it's actually not okay, but… long story short, there's a cheating ex involved who Amy thankfully doesn't remember too much of. I was stupid and- and eager, to try and find a normal family, someone to be a father to Amy, and it backfired."  
It really, really, backfired. In various ways, it turned out, because as well as being an asshole, her ex was also a lot closer to her past than she had ever thought, so his betrayal had hurt her pride in more ways than one. When he had fled from their lives, at her demand, it had taken a while to get over it all, and that had hurt Amy too. Sarah learnt her lesson there and then: things are fine, just her and Amy. As much as she may want her perfect dreams of a perfect family, she knows they're just that. Dreams.

Chuck frowns, looking thoughtful, sympathetic.  
"Oh. I- I mean, if you don't mind me asking, Amy's dad isn't...?"

And there, Sarah supposes, it is. Unlike with New York, she doesn't mind telling people about Mark, it's not something she feels she needs to keep to herself. She's had this conversation so often, in fact, first to her mother when she'd told her she was pregnant and dropped the bombshell of leaving the CIA, and then with just about every person she's ever met, coworkers, other moms, sitters, nosy people in stores who just presume every mother out there is happily married to the father of their children and there are no exceptions. And though it's gotten easier, it's never gotten any less awkward.  
Because she hardly knew Mark. She hardly knew someone to mourn the loss of, other than what might have been. And it's always hard to explain that, to a relative stranger.

"It's okay. He, uh," She darts her eyes to Amy's bedroom, but the door is still shut. Amy knows about her father, Sarah's never tried to hide it, but it's still not something she likes to bring up all that often. "He passed away before Amy was born."

"Oh." Chuck's features crumple, tentative awkward smile gone, replaced by sorrow and sympathy and empathy, somehow all sincere, all rather overwhelmingly real. "Sarah, I'm sorry, that's awful-"

"It's fine. I, uh, I never know how to say this, but I didn't know him that well. I-We met, and... well." she admits, shrugging awkwardly. "Then later I tried to find him, and he'd been killed. He had no family, really, nobody else to find. Maybe he wouldn't have even cared, or wanted to be a part of Amy's life, but maybe he would have, and... someone took that away from us. But it's okay, it was years ago. Amy never knew him, but we're fine."

Chuck shakes his head, brow furrowed, flushing a little awkwardly, like he's intruded somehow.  
"God, I'm sorry, I shouldn't-"

"No, really." She reaches out, lays a hand over his briefly, feeling the heat of his hand, the spark in his skin, before she pulls back. His eyes soften a little as he relaxes, and she ignores the warmth she sees fill his gaze. "It's okay."

He smiles, somewhat crooked, all toothy, and she smiles back.  
"It's still awful, though." he says, and she smirks.

"Yeah, it is. I mean, find me a book or a TV show or a movie that doesn't have a family as a mom and a dad and the 2.5 kids..." It's impossible, really, and boy has she tried. Tried to show Amy that they're normal, it's okay, but it's been tough, so tough. She smiles wryly, sees him nod, and she sighs a little. "Even though Amy knows that some families are like that, but a lot aren't, some have no moms, some have two moms, some have five kids, some have one, and- and though she knows I didn't have that when I was her age, it's still... It's still hard, to not have what everyone else seems to. It's hard for her to not want it, too."

"Yeah," Chuck murmurs, voice a little caught, raspy. Absentmindedly wondering why that may be, Sarah keeps going.

"But, what happened with my ex, it taught me that all Amy and I need is each other. We're good, y'know?" She wrinkles her nose, and Chuck laughs, all soft again.

"Well, as someone who was part of one of those families for a while, I guess I can say it's not always all it's cracked up to be." She raises an eyebrow, questioning what he's left unsaid, and he shrugs. "It was my parents and my sister and I for a little while, we had the dog and everything, but then my mom left and my dad did too a little later, and... Suddenly it was just me and Ellie. She ended up raising me from when I was a teenager on."

Sarah guesses it's Chuck's turn to be saying big things to a relative stranger. She appreciates it, his doing just as she had done, though it's not necessary. Her story is just part of her life, part of Amy's, she's used to telling it. She's not sure how often Chuck tells his, but she senses it might be a little less often. And she thinks she might just understand now why he can relate to wanting the normal, perfect family.  
"And the dog?" she jokes, since things are getting a little heavy.

"Well, the dog was two dogs, Peaches and Peaches 2," She chuckles at that, and he nods. "And everyone lied to me and said the first Peaches ran away when she was actually hit by a car, which I only found out a couple months back. So, even the dog wasn't great."

She can't help but laugh again at his phrasing, throwing her head back and giggling in a way she's sure she doesn't do nearly as often as she should.  
"Wow. Well, now you're making me feel better about my family, so..." He smirks, bouncing his eyebrows a little, and she chuckles more. "Though, please don't tell Amy you had a dog, with your sister being a doctor and you having a dog when you were young, your whole family is rapidly becoming something to idolize."

Shaking his head, Chuck laughs, grinning in the direction of Amy's room.  
"I'll keep it under wraps, I promise."

"Oh- and I'm sorry she just invited you over. She's... alarmingly independent, sometimes."

His lips curl up a little, shoulders bobbing.  
"It's okay. I was actually hoping I'd see you again, I have something for you." He sits back and rifles in his pocket, pulls out a piece of paper. "It's just some contacts you might need, I don't know if James, the landlord, gave you much?"

"Oh, no," she says, shaking her head, but it's not at her words so much as at Chuck's thoughtfulness. To do that, to get that for her. "I've got his phone number, but he didn't give me anything else."

Nodding, Chuck smooths out the note, still in his hands.  
"Well, I talked to Mrs O'Leary from down the hall yesterday and she said she hadn't met you yet, so I put her cell number down. James is great if you've got any problems but Mrs O'Leary is, like, a plumbing expert, my shower broke and she fixed it in five minutes and she refused to let me pay for it. She also makes awesome lemon bars, if you ever see her. There's a couple other neighbors and stuff, and then I put my details down, if you ever need anything- I don't know how you are with electronics but I get access to stuff from work, so if you need any help let me know."

She takes the list, runs her eyes over it, seeing a helpful list of engineers, neighbors, taxi companies, and a number next to 'Chuck Bartowski, number 42', which is somehow adorable. Like she knows any other Chucks, or like he needs to specify he's the one from across the hall.  
"Thank you, that's really helpful." She smiles, warmed by his sweetness. "Electronics from work, though? What do you do?"

"I, uh." He winces briefly, then straightens up, like he hopes she won't have seen that. "I work at the Buy More? In the Nerd Herd."  
Just like that, that uniform he'd been sporting earlier makes sense, and Sarah knows now why she recognizes it.

"Oh, that's good." she says, not lying. Technology has never been her strong suit, that's an analyst's speciality rather a field agent's, so she never got trained in much useful in that division. And though she's learnt a little more since quitting the CIA, it's all basic computer work and knowing how to wire her TV in if Amy somehow unplugs it all, which has happened a strangely high amount. As a toddler, her little girl enjoyed unplugging absolutely everything possible, dragging every cable out of every space, and leaving it all rather unceremoniously in a heap on the floor for Sarah to collect. So the Nerd Herd have been helpful a good couple times in the past, and she appreciates them, even if Chuck clearly isn't so content with his career.

"It's not, and really, you don't need to pretend it is," he says, a little self-deprecatingly, laughing softly. "I don't wanna be there, really, but it pays the bills and I'm trying to work on my own software, so I'm stuck there until I make any headway. It's a job, I'm glad for it, but..."

She smiles in sympathy, and his awkwardness fades a little.  
"I understand. Right now I'm just working in an office, accounting. I needed something with stable hours because of Amy, but it's not quite what I'd aspired to growing up." It just happened to be something she could grasp easily, after trying to find something, anything she could do after leaving the CIA. She'd spent a few months deep cover in an accounting department while monitoring the boss for suspicious activity, and she'd grasped enough of the basic concepts pre-recruitment anyway, so it had seemed the easiest, and the safest, option. And honestly, she's not sure what else she would do, if she had the choice. Her upbringing combined with her recruitment to the CIA hardly gave her a chance to even think of a dream job. Much as with most of her life, her job is just enough. Enough to keep her content.

Chuck smirks, apparently about to say something else, but Amy's door suddenly opens and she comes rushing out, a piece of paper in her hands.

"I'm done!" she says, sliding to a halt next to Chuck and lifting up her arms, wanting up. He sends Sarah a quick look to which she nods, before he scoops Amy up briefly, settling her back into her chair by his side. The little girl thrusts the piece of art into his face, and he takes it from her, smiling as he unfolds it. The paper is covered in scribbles, with two or so main shapes being distinguishable, one orange and one green. "It's you and a lizard."

"Oh, wow," Chuck says, grinning despite the confusion in his voice, and Sarah chuckles, managing to suppress a full-on laugh at her daughter's artistic pursuit.

"Amy-baby, why did you draw Mr Chuck with a lizard?"

Amy shrugs, nonchalant, and Chuck just laughs.

"I love it, Amy, thank you. I'm gonna go put it up on my refrigerator when I get home."

Amy's eyes widen, like she knows what an achievement that is, what a big deal.  
"Wow! Thanks!"

Sarah winks at Amy from across the counter, resting her head on her hand, and the little girl giggles, blushing a little.  
"Nice job, bug."

Though Amy looks like she's about to say something more, a yawn catches her instead, and Sarah sees the warm milk and the late hour must be getting to her.

"Well, I think I better be getting back," Chuck says, and Sarah sends him a grateful smile. "Thank you for the cake, though, really."

Amy pouts, but stays quiet, and as Sarah rounds the counter she smooths down her daughter's curls.  
"Do you wanna say goodnight to Mr Chuck?"

"Mmhm. Goodnight, Mr Chuck."

"G'night, Miss Amy." He smiles, raising the paper in his hand. "And thank you again for the picture, it's amazing."

She giggles once more, and Sarah smiles. Scooping up Amy, she squeezes her briefly before setting her down on the floor.  
"I'll just show Mr Chuck out and then we'll get you ready for bed, okay Ames?" She nods, and Sarah heads to the door, Chuck following up behind her. She looks over her shoulder at him as she walks. "Thanks for the numbers and the flowers, really. Oh! Um, hold on a second." Heading back to the kitchen as an idea dawns, she pulls out a notepad, the paper pale pink and covered in yellow hearts, and quickly scribbles down her cell number, signing it Sarah and Amy Walker, number 43, then heads back to Chuck, now standing by the door, and hands it over.

"Just in case you ever need anything,"

He grins, nose crinkling.  
"Okay. Um, seriously, that cake was awesome. I'll, uh, I'll see you around?"

She nods, smiling slowly, opening the door.  
"Yeah. Yeah, I hope so." And, she realizes, that's the truth. It's been so long since she's just been able to talk to someone, get to know them. And it's been good. Plus, Amy likes him, which is always a bonus. It could be nice, to have a friend, one they both like, one with no motives and a kind smile. A smile, she realizes, it is far too easy to get lost in. Before she can do just that, she swallows, nods again. "G'night, Chuck."

"Night, Sarah," he murmurs, and, artwork in hand, he heads across to his apartment, once more looking back and waving before he slips inside.

"Mr Chuck is nice." says a voice, and Sarah turns around to find Amy right by her feet, looking up, grinning broadly.

"Yeah, yeah he is, bug. C'mon, time for bed,"

With a hand on Amy's back, leading her to her room, they walk as one, and Sarah tries not to focus on the thoughts of their very nice neighbor, putting up a picture of himself next to a lizard on his refrigerator.

* * *

 **a/n 2:** Chuck and a lizard. It just makes sense, I think. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! A little more insight into Sarah and Amy's backstory, a bit into where Chuck is in this fic, too. Things are gonna get unveiled and explained pretty slowly (I can't show all my cards at once now, can I? Heh.) as things with Chuck and Sarah move slowly too, but it's hopefully gonna be quite sweet, too. Sometimes literally, like here. Cake is just such a good icebreaker. Anyways, I'll see you guys in a couple days for Chapter 3, 'The Favor', and as ever, please leave a review on your way out!

-Kiera :)


	3. The Favor

**summary:** Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they meet a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

 **a/n:** Here we go, chapter 3! This idea was always one I knew I wanted to include in this fic, it's so tropey but I'm a sucker. And writing it, I just put in so much sweetness of various kinds I feel I should apologize beforehand if you feel your teeth rotting. If you enjoy this chapter, as ever, please leave a review and let me know! I love reading all your thoughts on stuff.

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Chuck, hippo-based board games, cookie dough, or fairy bats.

* * *

 **The Favor**

" _Mommy_!"

The word is shrill and loud, echoed from the couch, and it makes Sarah wince. She looks over at the couch, sees Amy looking at her expectantly.

"Oof, Amy you gotta keep the noise down, you know Mommy's not feeling well."

"Mommy I wanna go to daycare. I wanna see Jenny." Amy says, as if Sarah hadn't even spoken at all, and as if they haven't been through this already today.

Kneading her fingers into her forehead, she sighs.  
"I told you, baby, it wouldn't be safe for me to drive you. Plus, Jenny's sick too, remember? She went home yesterday before I picked you up?" Which had then turned into Sarah immediately falling ill the moment they got home, somehow having caught something while in the daycare, which had led to a grumpy three-year-old with far too much energy just having to watch TV or color all afternoon while her mother felt progressively worse. Today, she's no better.

"Huh. Oh yeah."

"Yeah." She pulls the teabag from her mug and drops it into the trash, grimacing when the movement makes her head spin. What she really needs right now is a nap, and/or a shower, and some quiet time, but being the sole caregiver of a three-year-old means she hasn't really had any quiet time since said three-year-old was born, and she won't get it today, illness or no illness.

She sniffs as she heads into the bathroom briefly, feeling the pounding in her head worsen, and grabs two pills from the medicine cupboard. She quickly takes them with her tea, but the scalding drink burns her mouth and the pills stick a little in her throat, and she holds back a groan as she heads back into the living room and flops onto the couch. Immediately, Amy burrows into her side, wanting cuddles, and as much as Sarah doesn't want to infect her daughter with whatever the hell kind of illness she's got, she has to oblige, holding Amy close and slowly sipping her tea.

Just as blissful unconsciousness is about to claim her, though, Amy shifts, sitting up and swinging her feet through the air.

"Mommy, I'm bored."

Sarah sighs. She should've known it wouldn't last.  
"What d'you wanna do?"

"I dunno." Amy huffs. "But I'm bored. I wanna- I wanna color. Or play dress up with you. Or, ooh, make some cookies!"

God, even the thought of baking or cooking right now turns Sarah's stomach.

"Ames, it wouldn't be good for me to do any baking when I'm sick. I might get germs all over the cookies."

"Dress up, then."  
Sometimes, Sarah's far too aware that her daughter got her stubbornness.

"I'm really not-"

"Mommy!"

" _Amy_." she interrupts, loud, head spinning. The word sits in the air, lingers, and Sarah knows instantly, her tone was too harsh. And as Amy jerks and tenses by her side, Sarah knows her daughter knows it too. The little girl starts wailing instantly, and Sarah takes a deep breath, leaning forward and setting her mug down on the coffee table. "I'm sorry, baby."

"I just wanna play!" Amy cries, distraught, and even though her pain is just superficial it still pulls at Sarah's heartstrings, instinctively.

"I know, I know," She strokes Amy's hair, pulls her in close, even as the little girl cries into her shoulder. Standing, Sarah starts to pace, gently rocking her little girl and murmuring soft apologies. The tears reduce to sniffles, thankfully pretty quickly, and eventually Amy just breathes heavily against her, holding on but saying nothing. Slowing, Sarah sighs once more. "That wasn't fair to you, and I'm sorry,"

"Mmhm," Amy mumbles, still with her head tucked into her mother's neck, clinging tight. Still standing, Sarah looks to the kitchen, trying desperately to figure out what to do. She's so sick she's shouting at her child, and she feels so weak she's almost swaying on her feet. Amy may be calm right now, but eventually she'll get restless again, and Sarah knows she won't last much longer. She just needs a break, dammit, but she can't get one.

Or, maybe she can. Because there, taped on the refrigerator, sits an idea. It's not one Sarah wishes she had to do, and not one that might even work, but her head feels so full and fuzzy, her throat is sore, and her little girl is still upset, she's just gotta do something. She reaches for her phone, types in the number, keeps Amy in her arms even as the dial tone rings in her ear.

"Y'ello?" he says, and despite the heaviness of illness sitting on her shoulders, Sarah smiles.

"Hi, Chuck. It's, uh, it's Sarah, Sarah Walker."

"Hey, Sarah," She can almost hear the frown in his voice, picking up that something's off. "Are- are you okay?"

She chuckles that she must sound so bad, even while the laugh makes her head swim a little.  
"Actually, no, not really. I've got a cold but it's bad, I had to call in sick from work today. Either I got it from a woman at Amy's daycare or she got it from me, I'm not sure."

"Oh, is there anything I can do?"  
Damn. He didn't even need asking a favor of. He's literally just volunteered his help, no questions asked.

Pulling her lip between her teeth, Sarah musters up the courage. That stubbornness Amy got also stems to Sarah's pride, not helped by her CIA training. She hates admitting weakness, even when she needs to, like right now.  
"Well, it's just that Amy's feeling fine, she's not sick, but I couldn't drive her to daycare today and she's just getting a little restless—" She pauses, waits to see if he'll interrupt and object to what she's likely going to ask, but he stays quiet, and she takes a deep breath. "I know it's a lot to ask but if you're free would you mind watching her, just- just for a half hour, while I take a shower and try and rest?"

"Oh! Oh sure, yeah, no problem." he says, with no hesitation. Sarah blinks, a little stunned. She's beginning to think her neighbor might be the nicest person she's ever met. "I- I'm home right now, should I just come right over?"

She grins down the line, relief flooding her.  
"Yeah, that'd be great. Thank you, Chuck, I'll owe you one."

"Heh." He chuckles, sounding a little embarrassed. "Seriously, it's fine. Let me just get a couple things, I'll be right there."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye."

She hangs up, sets the phone down, turns to Amy, who's still silently clinging on.

"Did you hear that, baby? Mr Chuck is gonna come look after you for a little while so I can try and feel better." Amy just nods, and Sarah strokes her back, knowing her daughter's thick skin means she'll take a while to really forgive her. These moments are always the toughest for Sarah, when her patience stretches just a little too thin and she can't keep calm and Amy gets upset. With nobody to run to instead, nobody to mediate things, it's easy to let things sit longer than they should do. It's just the two of them, and sometimes they both get a little frustrated. "I am sorry, Ames."

"I know, Mommy," Amy says, sounding far older and knowing than her three years really make her. "You're sick."

"I am." Kissing her head, Sarah squeezes Amy once more, setting her down on the floor and letting her wander back to the couch. The little girl sighs dramatically in the way Sarah thinks only children can, then slumps back on the cushions, picking up a little picture book she'd had there before. Sarah's about to say more, reach out, make sure Amy really is okay, but a knock sounds on the door just as her head begins spinning again, and she sends a brief thought of thanks at Chuck's punctuality.

She tugs open the door, mustering up a smile and seeing Chuck's warm grin in reply.

"Hey," he says, voice low and somehow soothing, and Sarah leans on the door, eyeing him.

"Hi. Thank you, again."

He shrugs, waves a hand, though she sees him flush a little.  
"It's nothing, really. And please don't take this the wrong way, but you don't look so good."

She snorts.  
"Trust me, I know." Frankly, he's just being kind. She's sure she looks a lot worse than just not so good. She steps back, opening up the door, and Chuck heads past her, a bag in hand. Once she's locked the door again, she turns to him, and he rubs his hands together.

"Is there anything I can do, anything you guys had planned, anything you were in the middle of?" he asks, getting his bearings, and Sarah shakes her head.

"No, we just had lunch so Amy's a little bored since I'm not feeling up to doing much else. So, if she says she needs to eat, she doesn't." She would leave it there, but Sarah's very aware that she's kind of just dragged Chuck into this with him knowing basically nothing about Amy, and so she takes a deep breath and gives the basic run-down. "But she's good with most drinks, she'll tell you what she doesn't like. She doesn't have any allergies, and band-aids are underneath the sink but she's not that clumsy so she should be fine over half an hour. She's got plenty of games and dress up costumes she can play with, she just likes having someone to show them to, or to play along. Sorry, that was a lot all at once." She pulls a face, feeling an awkwardness settle over her at how much that must've implied she thinks Chuck won't be capable enough to look after Amy for thirty minutes. It was necessary stuff for him to know, after all, he barely knows them, barely gets what Amy likes, but he's hardly babysitting for a whole day so Sarah knows she could've held back.

Thankfully, he just laughs, not irked at all.  
"I got it, I got it, don't worry." He smiles at her, reassuringly, then softens his gaze. "If you wanna shower and nap now then I'm sure we can figure something out. Right, Miss Amy?"

Amy looks over from the couch, smiling just a little.  
"Sure, Mr Chuck."

Chuck blinks at the sedate response, turning to Sarah with a raised eyebrow. She smiles sheepishly in reply, shrugs a shoulder.

"She's fine, honestly. I... may have snapped at her earlier, she's still mad at me." Sarah murmurs, and Chuck smirks, not unkindly. In fact, it seems very kind. Soft, understanding, with the tiniest hint of teasing. "And now I'm gonna go. Be good for Mr Chuck, Ames."  
Amy nods, still quiet, and with another awkward smile sent Chuck's way, Sarah heads to the bathroom. Despite the usual uncertainty that rises within her, and always does, at leaving her daughter with a relative stranger, she trusts Chuck, somehow. She finds trusting people a little easier to do having left the CIA now, but often, she has to force her way through it, remind herself to be a normal, trusting sort of person. With Chuck, though, trusting him, especially with Amy, just feels simple. Natural. Plus, the pull of a shower and sweet sweet unconsciousness is just too much to pass up. She hears Chuck begin chatting to Amy as she goes, and holds back another smile at the unbelievable kindness of her neighbor.

* * *

Blissfully, she wakes up after a forty-minute nap actually feeling better. Not magically cured, no, but the pills she took must have taken effect, for her head feels less like someone deep fried it and used it in a football game, and more like it's just been lightly thumped a couple of times. Her throat and breathing feel easier, too, lighter, no longer making every breath a pained fight. Quickly changing out of the flannel pajamas she'd slipped into after her shower, and sliding on sweatpants, a t-shirt, and a thick cardigan she'd bought when pregnant with Amy that's now worn and fraying and perfect, she runs a hand through her still-damp hair, and, knowing she looks a mess, heads into the apartment again, just a little concerned about what may greet her.

She knows from experience, Amy has a knack for getting guests wrapped around her little finger. It's possible that every game, item of clothing, toy, and random item her little girl owns, may be thrown around the apartment, tossed in her wake and simply having been forgotten to be cleaned up by Chuck, something Sarah wouldn't blame him for at all.

When she steps out of her bedroom, though, she's surprised to find the place more or less as she left it. There's a scent of something baking in the air, which is unexpected but pleasant- another sign that she's feeling better, if the idea of food no longer makes her stomach churn-, and she can hear some pop tune quietly playing. The floors are clean, though, no stray toys to be found, no parts of costumes lying where they shouldn't be. Somewhat stunned, she heads around into the main apartment, seeing something baking in the oven in the kitchen, and while walking around into the living room she finds Chuck and Amy sat on the floor by the coffee table. Chuck has a red velvet cape around his shoulders and a golden crown propped askew on his head, squashing down his rather unruly curly hair. Amy is sporting purple fairy wings, paired with her bat headband from her Halloween costume last year- a niche combo, Sarah thinks. They're playing Hungry Hungry Hippos while music plays from a radio station.  
It's all such a strange sight to find in her own apartment, that Sarah finds she can only blink, and stare, until Amy eventually looks up and catches her eye.

"Mommy!" She grins, but stays seated.

Chuck spins, eyes wide.  
"Sarah, hey..." He trails off, stares at her, something new entering his gaze that Sarah can't place, as he takes in her appearance. She tries not to be offended; she knows she looks bad but she can't look _that_ bad, surely. Seemingly knowing he stopped mid-sentence, he clears his throat, smiles. "Sorry, did the music wake you?"

"No," she says, because it honestly didn't. "I just woke up because I'm feeling better."

"Yay!" Amy cheers, scrambling up, and Sarah sees as Chuck automatically moves the board game out of her path as she waddles toward her. She cuddles into Sarah's legs instantly, her earlier irritation with her mother apparently all but forgotten, and Sarah smiles as she slips an arm round Amy's back, holds her in return.

"Did you guys do some baking?"

"Yup!" Amy giggles, but as Chuck stands, still wearing his cape and crown, he quickly raises a hand and steps forward.

"Don't worry, I didn't use up any of your stuff, I had a cookie dough in my refrigerator, I keep them for when my friend Morgan comes over. He says they're, uh, so much better fresh than bought, so I keep 'em in stock."

Sarah chuckles at the anecdote, raising an eyebrow teasingly.  
"And Morgan is..." she trails off, and Chuck catches on.

"Oh, my age," he says, just as she'd expected. "But he acts like a kid ninety percent of the time, not to be mean to him."

She smirks.  
"So that's why you're so good with my three-year-old?"

Chuck blinks, then bursts out into laughter, throwing his head back, even as Amy tugs on Sarah's leg and she looks down.

"Three and a half."

"Almost, baby, yeah." She tucks a curl behind Amy's ear, seeing how her little girl grins happily, then turns back to Chuck. He's still lost in laughter, though, and Sarah just smiles bemusedly as he chuckles.

"Chuck's silly, Mommy," Amy states, and among other things, Sarah notices that the 'Mr' has been dropped from their neighbor's name now. She'd correct Amy, keep her polite, but with his actions today Chuck seems more a friend than someone distanced to keep giving a title to, so she keeps quiet, just watching as Chuck calms down, adjusts the crown on his head, and goes to say something else. He gets cut off, though, when a beep sounds out, and he pulls his cell phone from his pocket at the same moment Amy gasps. "Cookies!"

She races around Sarah, moving toward the kitchen and stopping a safe distance from the oven. Sarah sees the oven gloves and cooling rack are already set out, so Amy must've told Chuck where they were, and absentmindedly Sarah thinks they've baked an inordinate amount for only having lived in the apartment building just over a month. But it makes Amy happy, and right now is no exception. Since Sarah no longer feels like death warmed over, she figures she'll be safe enough to take the cookies out herself, so she slides on the oven gloves and pulls the sheet out, seeing the bubbling golden cookies, chocolate chips within them glowing and melting.

"Mmmm, they look good, guys," she says, casting a look over her shoulder and seeing Chuck and Amy both standing a safe distance away, grinning.

"Chuck says he's like Cookie Monster. He can do the voice and everything!" Amy says, somehow proudly, before she turns, looking up at Chuck and tugging on the leg of his jeans. "Do the voice!"

Chuck blinks.  
"Oh, I- I don't think your mom needs to hear that. Right now. Ever." he stammers, flushing red, and Sarah turns to set the cookie sheet down and turn off the oven so he can't see the grin on her face.

"Aw." Amy says, a pout in her voice. "Do Grover, then!"  
At that, there's a quiet choking noise from their neighbor, and Sarah bites back a laugh at the man's clear, sweet, awkwardness.

"If he doesn't wanna do it, Ames, that's okay." she manages to say, getting herself under control. With the cookies cooling, she turns around again, and Chuck sends her a thoroughly embarrassed but grateful smile, one that crinkles his eyes at the edges, all soft. She clears her throat. "So, what should we do until the cookies are ready to eat?"  
She'd ask if Chuck wants to stay for the treat, but she figures since the cookies are technically his anyway, and he's helped so much today in just letting her rest for a while, it would be plain rude to imply he shouldn't stay right now. Let alone the fact that if she did ask, he'd probably take that to mean she wants him to leave, which, she suddenly finds, she really doesn't.

Amy taps her foot, hand on her hip, then grins suddenly.  
"You need a costume, Mommy. Stay, I'll getcha one." She wanders off before Sarah can even answer, and Sarah just smiles, turning to Chuck.

"I'm so sorry," he says suddenly, stepping forward, and she tries to rack her brains for what on earth there could be that he has to apologize for. Was there a broken glass in the living room she didn't see? Is Amy hurt but she just didn't notice it? Somehow she doubts all that. "I know you said she didn't need to eat, but I figured baking didn't necessarily equal eating, and I'd already brought the cookie dough over when I first got here-"

"Chuck, it's fine." She grins at the fact that that, of all things, is what's bothering him. "Honestly, it's a great idea, Amy loves baking, and it's a good way to kill time with her. Plus I was gonna take something to her daycare leaders tomorrow since she missed today, a couple cookies are great for that."

"You're sure?" he asks, still looking uncertain, and she holds back a chuckle in case he thinks she's laughing at him. Which she would be, she guesses, but it's less at him overall and more at his impossible sweetness.

"Yes," she replies, firm, nodding her head. He relaxes in front of her, but just a little, she sees.

"Okay. And, uh, please don't think this sounds super rude, but are you sure you're feeling better and we weren't so loud we woke you up? I tried to keep the noise down, but..."

"Do I look that bad?" she jokes, and he gapes.

"No, I- _No_. Not, at all."  
He's being utterly serious, she realizes, and she just about stops a blush from rising up her cheeks, her jaw from falling open.

"I was joking, sorry, but... thank you." She dips her head, clears her throat. "And yes, I'm really feeling better. I'm usually fine with colds but with nobody to take Amy off my hands for a little while I couldn't... y'know, regroup. I just needed to clear my head, and you let me do that, and you kept Amy happy, so thank you."

She reaches out, rests her hand on his arm, sees how his eyes jump back up to hers. He probably doesn't know what an achievement this all is, for a new person to come into their lives and entertain Amy and help Sarah, be a friend. It's been so long since someone with no motives, nothing to gain and no debt to owe, has just done that, helped, and been so good with Amy, that Sarah can't even pinpoint a time. But she's just suddenly very glad that she chose this apartment, the one in this building, on this floor, opposite Chuck Bartowski.

He just smiles down at her, all open and warm yet again, and Sarah's quite aware that her hand is still on his arm but she can't think of a reason to move it, somehow, so she just smiles up at him, grins back, and lets the warmth of the moment settle.

"Ta-da!"

She turns, and at the entrance to the kitchen stands her daughter, holding a police hat and a pair of angel wings (very different to fairy wings, Sarah learnt last year, so Amy insists on having two different pairs). It seems everyone but Chuck is being a strange hybrid of dress-up costumes today, but Sarah often prefers it that way. Plus, she knows there's a princess crown in amongst Amy's outfits, and a little matching red cape to the one Chuck's wearing, and she suddenly thanks everything she can think of that Amy didn't decide to make her the queen to their neighbor's king. There's finding a new friend, then there's isolating said friend only the third real time you're meeting him, and coupling them up like that would definitely be uncomfortable.  
Smirking, and sending Chuck a knowing look he promptly returns to her, she heads toward Amy, slipping on the wings and setting the too-small hat upon her head.

"Pretty, Mommy!" Amy says, grinning, but also looking a little pleased at her creation. Sarah grins back, leaning down.

"Thank you." She scoops Amy up, minding the fairy wings on her back, then settles her on her hip, turning around and finding Chuck eyeing them, a smile on his lips but an unknown deep look in his eyes. This time, Sarah ignores his gaze, and heads to the cookies. They're just warm to the touch when she presses her finger to them, meaning the chocolate will be melted still but not burning hot, and she looks at Amy with a grin. "Milk and cookies, bug?"

"Yeah!"

"Chuck, could you get me a-" She cuts herself off when she sees a plate enter her vision, held by Chuck's hand. It's the large blue plate she and Amy always use for cookies when they make them, and she raises an eyebrow. "Ames, you even told him about the cookie plate?"

Still on her hip, Amy shakes her head.  
"Nuh-uh."

Chuck leans in on the other side of Amy, looking confused.  
"I figured we'd need a plate, is this not...?"

"No, that's good." Lucky guess. He's just very good at managing to slip into their lives, right now, even finding the right things for their own little traditions. Promptly not thinking on that, Sarah lifts the three coolest cookies and sets them on the plate while Chuck holds it up, then she sets Amy down and grabs three cups for the milk. "Chuck, would you mind taking the cookies through to the living room? Ames, can you go with him?"

Chuck moves with just a smile, and Amy follows after him happily, a little blonde shadow. After pouring the milk, she heads through to the couch, seeing Chuck and Amy already sitting on the couch, chatting about something.  
She hands them their drinks and the little girl cheers when she gets hers, Chuck joining in on the silliness and cheering too, and Sarah settles into Amy's side as she grabs a cookie and passes out the milk.

"Y'know," Chuck says, after a couple of sips in silence. "This sounds like the start of a really bad joke. A fairy bat, a prince, and an angel police officer all walk into a bar..."

"We're in our house though." Amy says, confused.

Sarah almost chokes on her mouthful of milk.  
"We know, bug, it's just part of a joke."

Amy frowns, looking confused.  
"But we're in our house," she repeats, shaking her head.

And as she blinks, completely befuddled, Sarah locks eyes with Chuck once more, and they dissolve into quiet laughter at the expense of the three-year-old in the room. Just as Amy starts to pout, apparently feeling left out, Sarah wraps her arm around her, bringing her in for a hug, and she calms down, once more happily chewing on her cookie.

When they're finished, Chuck eyes his watch.

"I should get going," he says, and Sarah wants to protest but she's very aware he's done quite enough today, and she won't force him to stay any longer than he wants to. She's pleased, when she looks down at Amy, to find her just looking a little sad, but not saying anything, not begging Chuck to stay.

"Okay. I'll walk you out," Sarah says, but when she stands, Amy does too, and Sarah smiles as she briefly heads into the kitchen and grabs a couple cookies, wrapping them in plastic wrap and moving back to the door, handing them to Chuck. He raises an eyebrow, questioning, and she shrugs. "For Morgan. After all, we used up your supplies for him."

He chuckles, shakes his head in amusement, but takes them anyway.  
"Thank you,"

She's about to thank him again, but instead Amy moves forward, wrapping her arms around his legs and hugging him, and Sarah blinks along with Chuck, who looks thoroughly stunned as he pats Amy's back lightly.

"Thanks for staying with me so Mommy could sleep. And for playing dress-up," the little girl says, and Sarah tries not to gape, astonished. Chuck smiles, taking off his crown and cape and handing them to Amy when she pulls back.

"Anytime," he says, and Amy giggles before rushing off to her room with the costume.

"Okay, now I'm convinced, you're a miracle worker." Sarah says, unable to stop herself. "You just got my daughter to thank you, unprompted."

Chuck laughs, rubbing the back of his neck as he looks away, once more apparently embarrassed.  
"I'm really not,"

"Oh, I don't know. You helped today. A lot, more than you needed to, and I'm grateful for that." She shakes her head, lifts a shoulder, honesty and gratefulness rising in her. "Seriously, Chuck. I was five seconds away from breaking down and fainting, I just needed a break, and you gave me that, even as I just... dropped you into the middle of this madness." She waves a hand around, and Chuck meets her eyes, smiling just a little as his gaze burns, dark.

"I meant it when I said anytime."

For some reason his kindness is starting to get a little overwhelming, so Sarah just shakes her head and steps toward him, slipping her arms around his shoulders and hugging him briefly, just long enough for his hands to brush her sides, hold her in return, his touch hot.

"Thank you," she murmurs, pulling back, and as he steps away and opens the door he nods, smiling softly again.

"You're welcome. I..." He seems to stop himself, then, just looks back up at her and nods. "I'm glad you're feeling better, Sarah,"

She smiles again, and he heads out into the hall. She closes the door before she can watch to see if he turns around and waves at her, like he has done before.

* * *

 **a/n 2:** Oooh, you gotta love 'em. I just love having Chuck and Sarah get a little dorky and do Sesame Street impressions and wear costumes all for the whims of a three-year-old, ngl. As ever, if you liked this chapter please leave a review, and I'll see you in a few days for Chapter 4, 'The Party', where some friends appear, and this story starts taking shape!

-Kiera :)


	4. The Party

**summary:** Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they find a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

 **a/n:** Ey, Chapter 4! With some friends! And with some friends comes a little backstory from Chuck's side of this world. I figured we all get the basics of how Sarah's ended up here and how Amy came to be, but it was about time you guys all found out why Chuck is living across from her. Amidst all the talking is hopefully some sweetness, again, and things may or may not move along a little bit, so I really hope y'all enjoy this. As ever, please leave a review at the end to let me know your thoughts! With that, enjoy.

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Chuck, party shoes, Tupperware, or silly childhood stories.

* * *

 **The Party**

Her phone starts to ring just as she walks back into the apartment, and she crouches down and wrangles Amy out of her coat as she simultaneously digs the cell out of her own pocket.

"Can I watch TV, Mommy?"

"Just for a little while," she says, tugging Amy's arm out of her sleeve. The coat free, she leans down and undoes the Velcro straps on her daughter's shoes, letting Amy tilt forward and brace her hands on her shoulder as Sarah holds first the left and then the right shoe, while Amy tugs each foot out. The shoes done with, Sarah looks at the screen of her phone, seeing Chuck's name flashing with each ring. Relief floods her- it's not work. Being in charge of her own group of employees has been interesting, a new challenge, but it's also led to a lot of questions, too many being in phone calls after she's already left the office now that her team are more comfortable with her. Speaking to her neighbor, though, should be nice. "But please don't make it too loud, okay? Mommy's gonna be on the phone,"

"Okay!" With that, Amy jumps through to the living room, turning on the TV and thankfully keeping the volume fairly low as one of her favorite cartoons fills the screen.

Satisfied, Sarah heads into the kitchen, answering the call.  
"Hi, Chuck," she says, smiling before he's even spoken. It's been a few weeks since she last properly saw him, when he'd looked after Amy that day, and since then it's just been passing each other in the hall, brief nice catchups and smiles, waves to and from Amy.

"Hi, hi, Sarah," He sounds a little nervous, or awkward, Sarah notices, hesitant and breathy, but she figures it'd be rude to bring it up.

"What's up?" she asks, instead.

"Oh, um- Sorry, can you hold on for just a second?" There's a rushing noise on the end of the line, then a thud, and the hum that had surrounded his voice when he'd first spoken fades, get quieter. "Sorry, I'm at work, the break room is never as quiet as I think it's gonna be,"

She chuckles, though inside she's just wondering what reason he has to be calling her at work.  
"It's okay," She pauses, leaving him to speak more, but he says nothing, and she smiles a little awkwardly. "Is... there a reason you called?"

"Oh, yes!" he says, like that had completely slipped his mind, which is rather adorable. "I keep wanting to come over and ask you but I kept forgetting and now it's kinda short notice, so I wanted to call you when I remembered rather than forgetting again. But... are you free tomorrow night?"

Oh. She blinks.  
"Um, yeah, I've got no plans,"

"Great! Uh, I'm kinda having a little party at my place, for my birthday, tomorrow. And I was just wondering if you wanted to come?"

"Oh. Oh, yeah, that'd be nice-" She smiles at the thought of hanging out, a party, and his inviting her, but then stops abruptly as a thought dawns. "Oh, but I don't know if I could arrange a sitter for Amy that quickly. Her daycare only runs in the week and I haven't found a weekend sitter yet..." She hasn't had a need to find a sitter yet. She hasn't done anything without Amy, other than going to work, since they moved here.

"Amy can come too!" he says, quickly, sweetly. "It's not that kinda party, nothing fancy, it'll just be me and a couple friends, Morgan, my sister,"

And he wants her and Amy to come? Though Sarah doesn't think it's that big a deal, on the surface she supposes it sounds it, an evening with his family. She thinks she gets his nerves now, because there seem to be a couple nerves stirring in her stomach, too. She swallows them down, smiles again.  
"Okay," she says, before she really thinks about it. But she has no reason to say no, frankly, it could be a nice night; socializing with other adults isn't really something she's done in a long time. It could be fun, really, meeting Chuck's friends, his sister, the people he's talked about since they've met. Plus, it'll be nice to spend more time with him, time that isn't just dictated by her being ill or by Amy, even if she'll be there too.

"Really?" he asks, sounding a little shocked and disbelieving, and she can imagine his smile, nose crinkling, looking all cute.

"Yeah, it should be fun, we'd love to come,"  
Though she's aware she's speaking for Amy too, who doesn't even yet know of the plan, Sarah also knows her daughter won't, and probably will never, want to pass up time with her new favorite person.

"O-okay." He lets out a deep, relieved-sounding breath, and she grins before he continues. "Honestly, I've never thrown a party at my place before, my sister's the party-planner. She always threw birthday parties at my old place, so I'm just hoping it'll be okay,"

Sarah chuckles, though she finds herself reading into his words.  
"I'm sure it'll be fine, Chuck. But... now I'm curious, either you don't throw a lot of parties, or… have you not lived here long?"

"Yeah, no, I, um, I moved in January? It's kinda a long story, but I was sorta just moping around for a couple years when I first ended up at the Buy More. In January Ellie finally got through to me, and I moved, started working on my own software, tried to... not just be a sad sack like all the time," Though his tone is light, Sarah can hear the truth in them, the quiet sadness. "I didn't actually feel that bad about things, back then, I was just kinda… I don't know, I didn't really care much about anything. And after a crappy long shift and a super late night gaming to try and feel better, Ellie just sat me down and reminded me of all these goals I had. She asked me why I was still doing stuff I didn't really like rather than, y'know, chasing my dreams, and—and she reminded me of how much we'd struggled, growing up. And I just sorta, snapped out of it, moved out. I couldn't just quit the Buy More, obviously, but I'm better now, even if I didn't realize I wasn't good back then."  
Despite the slight ache in her chest that his words somehow make her feel, the sadness for him going through that, she smiles down the line. Pleased that he's changed, that he's better, that she gets to know this man, but also thankful he's telling her these kinds of things at all. They haven't known each other long, but he already knows so much about her, and Amy, about New York, and she knows things about him too.

"Well, I'm glad you're better," she says, completely honestly. "You're a great neighbor, and your party will be great, I'm sure,"

He chuckles.  
"Thanks. People will be arriving at my place around 6 or so, there'll be food and drinks and stuff, so..."

"Alright," she murmurs, absentmindedly thinking she'll need to get something for him as a gift, if she's attending a party for his birthday. "We'll see you then."

A sudden whirring sounds out on his end, she hears another thud.  
"Crap, my break's over. Okay, yeah, see you then. I'm looking forward to it."

"Me, too,"

When he hangs up with a quiet goodbye, she stays standing, phone still at her ear, well aware that she's still smiling.

"Mommy?"

She turns, seeing Amy smiling at her from her seat, blinking.  
"Yeah?"

"Who wassat?" she asks, pointing at the phone, and Sarah grins, finally lowering the device in her hand.

"That, bug," she says, rounding the couch and sitting next to Amy, tugging her up into her lap. "Was Chuck. He's having a little party tomorrow because it's his birthday, and he wants you and me to go."

Amy gasps, looking beyond excited.  
"It's his birthday?!"

"Yeah!"

"We gotta make him a cake!"

Well, that solves the problem of getting him a present, Sarah supposes, though she is aware that almost every time she's met Chuck has involved some kind of baking. But Amy seems set on the idea, wriggling in her lap, and Sarah chuckles.

"Okay, we'll make it for him tomorrow. For now, do you remember you promised me you'd sort out your toys, this morning before we went to daycare?" Amy nods. "Would you be super helpful and do that before dinner?"

"Yeah,"

"Thank you, baby," She leans in and kisses Amy's temple, before the little girl wriggles out of her lap and bounds through to her room. And if Sarah checks all their shelves to make sure they have enough stuff to make a birthday cake before she starts making dinner, well, that's just between her and the kitchen.

* * *

She smiles as Amy wiggles her feet on the floor, shoes shining in the light. They're her fancy little patent party shoes, the ones Sarah keeps for special occasions, and she's definitely indulging herself right now. Amy is in the only formal dress she has that still fits, a little white dress with a black trim, and thick white leggings, paired with a little black cardigan. It was the three-year-old's choice to wear it, but Sarah had hardly fought it- she looks adorable. While she as the adult is only in skinny black jeans and a cream shirt, with a neat blazer as a jacket and some sensible heels, Amy has entered full party mode, thinking Chuck's birthday a worthy occasion of such an effort.

"You sure the cake doesn't need more sprinkles?" the little girl asks, wholly seriously, and Sarah holds back a snort.

"It's already covered in sprinkles, baby, it's perfect as it is." Amy doesn't look very convinced, but she nods anyway, and Sarah smiles. "Ready to go?"

She knows they won't be the first people there; she'd intentionally waited until she'd heard some people in the hall, going into Chuck's apartment, before she'd started getting the shoes on.

"Mmhm!" Amy says, and Sarah grins, moving into the kitchen and grabbing the large Tupperware box they'd eased the cake into a couple hours ago. As they head out into the hall, the soft hum of conversation from Chuck's place filling the space, she balances the cake in one hand while she locks the door, then reaches down and rests her hand on Amy's shoulder as she guides her around and across to the door opposite theirs. It occurs to Sarah, suddenly, that despite Chuck having been in their apartment twice now, she's never seen his place, been in his space, and the invitation to this party suddenly seems all the more significant, somehow.

She knocks a couple times, reaching down when she's finished, Amy's hand automatically finding hers.  
"Remember, baby, it won't just be Chuck in there, there'll be strangers you won't have met before, so don't just..." The door opens, Chuck smiling on the other side, and Amy squeals, running forward. "...throw yourself at him." Which is, of course, exactly what Amy has just done.

"Oof!" Chuck says, as Amy collides with his knees. "Hi, Walkers,"

"Happy birthday Chuck!" Amy says, giggling, and Sarah takes a composing breath and sends a quick smile at Chuck, who grins widely in reply.

"Ames," she says, and Amy looks back, seeing her mother's chastising look and retreating back to Sarah's side. She looks back up at Chuck while keeping Amy close, smiling properly this time. "Hi, Chuck. Happy birthday,"

He grins, nose crinkling.  
"Thanks," he says, stepping back, letting them into the apartment, and a brief look behind him shows Sarah a dozen or so people. They're all in the middle of conversations with each other, yet all of them are watching one person in the room. Her. And they're all terrible at pretending they're not. She looks back at Chuck, the safe ground.

"We made you a cake!" Amy says, tugging on Sarah's hand. "Mommy, give him the cake,"  
She hands it over, and Chuck looks down at it, grinning.

"I promise you we're not trying to fatten you up, with all the cake and cookies, Amy just really wanted to make you a cake for your birthday."

"Did you decorate it all by yourself, Amy?" he asks, but though Amy misses the sarcasm in his voice Sarah hears it clear as day, sees the cheeky glint in his eye. There's no way the chocolate-frosted, gummy bear and sprinkle _and_ chocolate chip adorned cake, could be anything but made by Amy.

The three-year-old beams, pleased as anything.  
"Yeah!"

"It's awesome, guys, thank you. Would you mind if I put it out for my friends to have too?"

Amy shrugs.  
"No, s'cool." she says, and Chuck laughs, setting the cake down on a table by his side.

"Amy, now you can give Chuck a hug, if you want," Sarah says, since now they're actually in Chuck's apartment, welcomed in, and she's not just attacking him in the doorway with no warning. Her daughter may be a hug-bug, but Sarah's trying to make sure if she's hugging people she does so at appropriate times. Chuck laughs as Amy instantly rushes toward him, and manages to crouch down to her height just in time for her to barrel into him once more, flinging her arms around his neck.

"Thanks, Amy," he says, when she's wriggled free, and Sarah smirks when he catches her eye as he stands. "And thank you,"  
He smiles in that oh so warm way only he seems to be able to, and she reaches for Amy's hand again to give her something to focus on.

"Chuck?" someone says, and a small, bearded man appears behind Chuck, evidently a friend.

"Oh, yeah, introductions- Sarah, Amy, this is my friend Morgan. Morgan, this is Sarah and Amy, who I was telling you about."

"Oh, yeah, hi," Morgan says cheerily, reaching out a hand, which Sarah shakes.

"I like your beard." Amy says, foregoing all introduction, and Morgan blinks, looking down at her with a slight stunned confusion before chuckling.

"Thank you." Though he sounds a little confused still, he grins, and Amy giggles. For easiness' sake, if they're going to be going round doing introductions, Sarah leans down and scoops up Amy, smoothing down her outfit and settling her on her hip. Immediately, Amy reaches out a hand to Morgan, copying her mother, and Sarah stifles a giggle as the bearded man shakes it, utterly serious. When she catches Chuck's eye, he's laughing too, and he shakes his head before turning around.

"C'mon, we'll get the introductions over with," he murmurs, moving her into the main body of the apartment, a hand feather-light on her back that she still feels all too clearly. He introduces her to some co-workers, a few weirder than others, including a nice woman called Anna who Sarah sees Morgan keeps looking at when she's facing the other way. Then Chuck takes her to meet Devon, Ellie's boyfriend, who greets her cheerily and offers a fistbump to Amy, and then that just leaves Ellie herself. As Chuck waves his sister over, Sarah ignores the nerves suddenly filling her, inexplicable and unexpected, as she watches the brunette approach.

"El, this is Sarah, and Amy, my neighbors," Chuck says, bringing his sister into the fold, and Ellie grins as she looks at Sarah.

"Oh, hi! Chuck's told me about you, it's so nice to meet you," she says, offering a kind wave.

"Hi," Sarah says, smiling back, squeezing Amy on her hip. "You, too. Amy's especially been looking forward to meeting you."

"You're a doctor." Amy states, and Sarah smiles into her daughter's hair, trying not to laugh.

"I- Yes, I am."  
Ellie looks a little lost, evidently not quite grasping why that's the very first thing Amy has said to her, but the little girl doesn't notice, and just grins.

"Awesome." She sounds truly awed, and Sarah shares a look with Chuck. Taking pity on Ellie's confusion, Sarah turns to her.

"Amy really likes doctors, though she's not sure if she wants to be one when she grows up, yet," she explains, and the other woman smiles. "Right, Ames?"

"Yeah!" Amy nods her head frantically, grinning wide. "I got my own 'scope! Chuck and I played with it when Mommy was sick."

The older woman chuckles, eyes darting between Chuck and Amy. Sarah gets the impression that, though he may have told his sister about herself and Amy, Chuck hadn't gone into detail, especially about the day he'd spent looking after the three-year-old.  
"Is that so?" Ellie asks, a teasing lilt in her voice. As Chuck clears his throat a little, Amy continues, oblivious.

"Mmhm! And we played Hippos, and baked cookies, and Chuck played dress-up with me, and and-"

"Baby, d'you want some food?" Sarah asks, taking pity on Chuck, who is now a somewhat unflatteringly bright shade of red. Thankfully for him, her ploy works; Amy pauses and turns back to her.

"Ooh, yeah!"

Setting the little girl down on the floor, she sees the table set up with snacks just by their side, Morgan standing in front of it. She'd seen as they were moving round moments ago that Chuck had set up paper plates and napkins, all Amy-safe, so she smooths down the little girl's hair.  
"You can go by yourself if you ask Mr Morgan for some help reaching some things, okay?"

Amy gleefully runs toward the table, and Sarah chuckles, turning back to Chuck and Ellie, the former still blushing. She pats his shoulder briefly.

"You were a very regal prince in your costume, it's okay," She turns to Ellie. "Your brother was a big help the other week, seriously."

Ellie smiles, even as Chuck flushes even more.  
"I'm glad to hear it." Her grin turns a little wicked, like she's just about to embarrass him a little more, but Chuck clears his throat before she can say anything more.

"Sarah, you want a drink?"

"Sure," she chuckles, and he widens his eyes in a signal for help as he moves to the drinks table. She smirks at Ellie as she follows him, but she has to laugh again. "I'm sorry, it's your birthday, we shouldn't be teasing you. But you did look very cute."

He glares at her teasingly as he reaches for a beer, twisting off the cap and taking a sip.  
"What would you like?"

Seeing some bottles of wine on the table, she reaches for a plastic cup, filling it with Shiraz and then pouring out a little bit of soda for Amy as a treat. When she looks over at the food table, Morgan and Amy are chatting, Amy's plate piled high with mini sandwiches and meats and pastries, far too many things Sarah is sure she'll get to eat when Amy realizes her eyes have once more been bigger than her stomach. She smiles, then turns and finds Chuck watching her, a similar small smile on his lips.

"What?" she asks, wondering what he's seeing that she isn't, but he just shakes his head.

"Nothin'. I'm just glad you came."

With that bombshell, he smiles again, takes another sip of his beer, and thankfully Amy comes in and breaks the moment.

"Got all my food!" She thrusts the plate up in the air toward Sarah, all the items on it thankfully staying put and not tumbling to the ground.

"Okay, well let's go take a seat and you can eat it, yeah?" Content with that, Amy starts wandering away, and Sarah follows her, drinks in hand. When she casts a look over her shoulder, though, she just finds Chuck still looking at her, still with that smile, until her eyes meet his, and he looks away.

They find a seat on one of the couches, two of Chuck's Buy More colleagues chatting on the other side, and Amy sits herself happily on the floor, balancing the plate on her knees and nibbling on her food. Sure enough, after a minute or so, her hand lifts up, offering Sarah a mini quiche.

"Thank you."

"'Welcome."

The cushion next to Sarah's dips, and she turns to see Ellie sitting down next to her, wine in hand, chuckling softly.

"She's adorable," she says, and Sarah chuckles.

"Yeah, she is. And she knows it, but still," She takes a bite of her mini-quiche, sipping her wine.

"And she's confident, too."

"Mhm, that's new." Sarah says, thinking on that particular trait of her daughter's. "She's not normally so good around strangers, I think because everyone here knows Chuck's she's more relaxed, she feels like she knows them all already. And she's always been confident around Chuck, which was… very strange when we first met him," She giggles, and Ellie smiles.

"Yeah, my brother has a way of putting people at ease, I've never known how he does it."

Sarah chuckles.  
"I've noticed it, yeah."

Ellie leans in a little, wistful look on her face.  
"He was always the biggest nerd in school, but he managed to fight off all the bullies too, when they were being mean to Morgan."

"They've known each other that long?" Sarah asks, trying to imagine a tiny Chuck, curls a-plenty, and a mini Morgan. She finds it's kind of hard to imagine the smaller man without a beard, though.

"Since seventh grade, yeah. Much to my displeasure." Ellie says, wrinkling her nose and casting an unimpressed look Morgan's way, and Sarah chuckles. Along with the looks she'd seen Morgan giving Anna, Sarah had also seen the looks he'd sent Ellie, and the envious looks he'd sent Devon. "They've stayed friends all through college, though, and with everything that happened at Stanford, Morgan was the one who suggested Chuck start working at the Buy More."  
Ellie's tone has slowly gotten more serious as she's spoken, and Sarah suddenly realizes quite why the other woman must accept Morgan still being in her brother's life. Morgan is important, even if he can't quite work out where his affections lie, because of his history with Chuck, which somehow leads back to college.

"Stanford?" she asks, confused, and Ellie raises her eyebrows.

"Oh. Oh, Chuck hasn't said?" She shakes her head, and Ellie smiles sadly. "Well, it's his story to tell. But there's an old friend we don't talk about anymore, and, um, other circumstances, that interfered. He wasn't destined for the Buy More, let's just say that."

Licking her lips, Sarah tilts her head.  
"Chuck mentioned that he only moved here earlier this year. He said you… snapped him out of things."

Ellie waves a hand, dismissing that idea.  
"No, he snapped himself out of it. I'd given him that sort of speech every few months for years, but that time, he finally heard it. I just—he's my brother, he's a genius, it hurt for me to see him doing nothing but gaming with Morgan and doing Nerd Herding. He's still doing that now, sure, but…" She shakes her head. "I don't know. He moved out, and though he's still at the Buy More he's working on what he always wanted to do in his free time. He's just different. He's so much happier, now, I can just see it in him." Sarah smiles, and Ellie eyes her a little strangely, before shaking her head and shrugging.

"Honestly, he's so much better I didn't even throw him a birthday party this year. I always used to, to try and introduce him to some of my friends, but this year, I think he's good. It's taken some time, but he's getting there."

There's such an almost-familiar motherly tone in Ellie's voice, that Sarah instantly understands the woman, there and then. That she just wants to protect Chuck, just wants the best for him. Sarah supposes, with no parents around, Ellie had to look out for Chuck just as much as Sarah looks out for Amy now.

As if knowing she's on her mother's mind, Amy's hand shoots up, holding another quiche. Sarah takes it and thanks her once more, getting a muffled welcome in response, but soon after both hands shoot up, and Sarah leans down, lifting up her little girl, settling her on her lap before bringing up the plate of food and stealing a cube of cheese.

"Hi, Dr Ellie," Amy says between mouthfuls, leaning back against Sarah's chest, and she holds her close as Ellie chuckles.

"Hi there, Miss Amy. I saw the cake you made my brother, it looks beautiful." She sends Sarah a knowing look at her words, even as Amy beams happily.

"Thanks! We made it _all_ afternoon."

Ellie giggles, and Amy seems pleased with herself as she goes back to eating things off her plate just as Chuck heads near them again. He grins their way, then looks around.

"You all good for drinks? Sarah?" he asks, an attentive host, beaming for some reason. She still doesn't know why, but every time she sees him smile she sort of feels like smiling too.

"I'm good, though I haven't had much to eat yet." At her words, a sausage appears in her vision, and she takes it from Amy but sets it back down on her plate. "It's okay, baby, I'll go get something later, you eat your dinner,"

"I can take her if you wanna go get something, before Morgan eats it all." Chuck says, kind as ever, but at something in his words Amy giggles.

"Mr Morgan loves food. He wants to be a- a banana chef."

Chuck frowns, looking thoughtful, before realization dawns on his features.  
"...I think that's Benihana chef, Amy,"

She blinks, and Sarah, Chuck, and Ellie, all burst out laughing, as Sarah stands and hands her daughter over to Chuck. The three-year-old goes happily, giggling, as he quickly takes hold of the plate of food, and Sarah smiles as she moves around to the table of food, getting her own selection.

When she starts to head back to her seat, though, seeing Amy now sitting next to Chuck and swinging her legs as she says something about dessert, Sarah feels her phone start to vibrate in her pocket. She frowns as she tugs it out and looks at the screen- the number is one of her coworkers'. She rounds the couch, handing her plate to Chuck who takes it with a raised eyebrow, and she quickly shows him her phone.

"I have to take this, I'm sorry, I'll be super quick."

He grins.  
"No problem."

Since Chuck's apartment is laid out similarly to her own, she finds the hall easily, moving down and finding a quiet area and answering the call.

"What is it, Matthew?" she asks, trying not to sound impatient at this interruption of what is turning out to be a ridiculously lovely night.

"Sarah, hi. I'm looking at the specs for the new company, and I just had a couple questions, are you busy?"

She frowns. Of her new team, Matthew is one of the employees she's spent the least time with. He seems nice enough, he's hard-working, and has accepted every task and objective she's given him, but for him to be calling now is strange, and Sarah isn't quite sure what this will entail.  
"Yes."

"Oh. Uh, could I ask you them anyway?"

"I- no. Matthew, it's..." She checks her watch, rolls her eyes. "6:30, on a Saturday, why are you doing work?"

"I don't know, I had nothing else to do."

Sighing, Sarah resists the urge to knead her fingers into her temple, knowing it won't help and will just smudge her makeup there anyway.

Once upon a time, this sort of work ethic was her own, though admittedly about espionage rather than accounting. But the long hours, never taking time for yourself, never relaxing, that's how she lived her life. She never thought about anything but work, and she was fine with that. Dedication yielded results, even if you were so dedicated you did nothing else, as she had done.  
But she's not like that now. Not with Amy. Having her daughter taught Sarah so many things, but mostly, it was how to live. And how to relax. That there's more to life than work, that you need time to breathe, to enjoy the little things. And sometimes, the little things are parties with friends and your daughter.

"Stop. I appreciate the effort, I do, and I'm glad you're so committed to the project, but you need to relax. Watch a movie, have a pizza, just... don't think about work on your weekend off." Nibbling on her lower lip, she hopes this is just his work ethic and has nothing to do with how she manages her team. In New York, she'd just worked under people, but here she's got her own people to order and control, and she honestly doesn't know if she's doing well at all. "I didn't think I was the kind of boss who made you think you need to work to the bone to impress me."

"Oh, you're not," he says, quickly. "But... I was just thinking."

She lets out a sigh, half relief, half exasperation.  
"And that's great. But it can wait until Monday. I'm spending the weekend relaxing with my family, you should do the same. You can share your questions with the team and me on Monday morning."

"Okay. Okay, Sarah, thank you." He sounds genuine, and Sarah just hopes she's gotten through to him.

"No problem. I'll see you then."

He hangs up, and she tries not to roll her eyes as she stretches her neck and heads back into the main apartment, seeing the party still in full swing. When she looks to the couch, though, Chuck isn't there anymore, and neither is Amy, and a quick scan of the room shows Sarah they're both at the food table, at the side with the desserts. Chuck is holding Amy on his hip, pointing out various food stuffs, and Amy is giggling loudly, apparently wanting them all.

She stays at the side, folds her arms and watches, happily, contentment rising within her at the scene, as reality hits her. The home that they've found here, the friendship. Connections and happiness. And to a certain degree, that scares her, just like Chuck's frequent kindness, warmth, has scared her a little too. She knows from experience, so often in her past, that letting people in just opens you up to the risk of getting hurt. After what happened in New York, she'd never thought she'd get here again. Or get here at all, since New York had turned out to be a lie, anyway. And she's tried, at times, to keep her distance, keep away, just in case things go south like they did before.  
This here, though, she knows it's real. Knows Chuck is real, his warmth, his smile. They couldn't be anything but. And she knows his friends are real, his family, all so kind and welcoming. And Amy likes them all so much more than she'd liked anyone in New York, anyway, that's evidenced just by the fact that she's letting Chuck hold her, looking perfectly comfortable. These are real people, people who matter.

"That's a thoughtful look," murmurs a deep voice, and she turns to see Ellie and Devon walking past her, Devon with a knowing smile and Ellie's a little more subtle.

"Yeah. Just taking it all in, y'know?"

The couple share a look, and Sarah senses they're thinking of something that she's not aware of. She doesn't press them on it, though, just smiles again.

"Chuck said you only just moved here, right? To LA?" Devon asks, and Sarah nods.

"Yeah, we were in New York before. It was tough, uprooting Amy, bringing her to a new place she'd never known. Taking her away from her life, her friends, the people we knew. I didn't know if this would work."

"I think you've settled in just fine," Ellie says, laying a hand on her shoulder, and Sarah smiles, looking back at Amy and Chuck, moving toward them now, and at the people around her.

"Yeah, I think so, too." she murmurs, almost shaking her head in disbelief at just how truthful that sentence feels.

"Hey," Chuck says, grinning as he reaches her. "Everything okay with work?"

"Fine, just an over-eager employee."

"I got dessert, Mommy!" Amy says, lifting her paper plate, laden with goodies, and giggling happily. Sarah sees the anxious look Chuck sends her, worry of some kind, probably over his letting Amy get so many sweets, but she just shrugs. It's a party, after all, and Amy definitely won't be able to eat it all anyway.

"So I see, bug," She ruffles Amy's hair, and the girl squirms in glee before turning to Devon, looking up at him.

"Mr Awesome? Are you a superhero?"  
And, as Chuck hastily tries to explain that Devon is not a superhero called Captain Awesome, but also a doctor like Ellie, Sarah just laughs, and once more thinks that yeah, they've settled in just fine.

* * *

Around 8pm, Amy crashes, hard. The food and the excitement having gotten to her, and maybe the nice quiet music Chuck has been playing all evening being so soothing, she falls asleep in Sarah's arms while her mother is mid-conversation with Anna, and though at first Sarah just keeps her there, eventually the dead weight starts to get to her.

Just as she stands, apologizing to Anna, Chuck wanders over, smiling as he visibly takes in the sight, Amy sleeping heavily, limbs all splayed, mouth hanging open a little.  
"Is she completely out?"

"Mmhm," Sarah hums, glad when Chuck instantly reaches for her wine, taking it and letting her shift Amy against her, hold her more easily. Even in her sleep, the three-year-old cuddles in, moves her arms around Sarah's neck. "I'd hold her all night if I could, but I should probably get going and get her to bed,"  
She tries not to sigh. Though the the excitement of the party meant Amy has stayed up a little later than normal, getting to stay any later than this evidently wasn't meant to be.

"Y'sure?" Chuck asks, sounding like he already knows her answer but he's asking anyway.

She nods, lifts a shoulder, smiling a little sadly.  
"Yeah, I'm sorry,"

He sends her a smile she's sure looks a little like her own, but before he can say anything more Ellie appears, taking in the scene.

"Hey, what's going on?" she asks, looking at both of them and smiling a little at Amy.

"Sarah's gotta go, Amy's asleep."

Ellie frowns, then taps Chuck on the arm, looking determined.  
"Haven't you got that cot in the guest room?" She turns away from him before he can answer. "Sarah, if you like, Amy could sleep there until you go back to your apartment,"

Chuck sends his sister a flat look, apparently annoyed at her forwardness. In a moment like this, Sarah can definitely see the other side of Ellie's mothering influence over Chuck, the planning, the intervention. It's a side that, if his expression is any indication, Chuck isn't a very big fan of.

"Yeah, I do, sis, but- Sarah if you'd rather get back, then..."

She smiles a little.  
"No, that would- that would be great, actually." she says, partly so that neither he nor his sister feel bad, but mainly because it really would be helpful. Because if Sarah took Amy back to their place, then she'd have to leave, too, she wouldn't shut Amy in the apartment by herself. But this way, Amy stays nearby, and Sarah can stay in the party. The party she's really rather enjoying.

"Oh." Chuck grins. "Okay, it, it's just through here." He sets down the drinks in his hand and leads her through the apartment, stepping into a room and clicking on the light. It's part guest room and part study, Sarah sees, with a desk and controllers and a computer set up, but also a folding cot and a closet standing on the other side of the room. Chuck mumbles something about setting up the bed, and Sarah stays in the doorway, holding the increasingly-heavy sleeping Amy, watching as he flips open the bed and squashes down the mattress. He gets some folded sheets and a pillow from the closet and lays them out, then steps back, and Sarah sends him a grateful smile as she steps forward, lays Amy down, leaving her in her party outfit apart from taking her little shoes off.

Since she knows Chuck is still in the room, she can feel his presence behind her, lingering in the doorway, she laughs softly.  
"They're her favorite party shoes." she says, as she sets them on the ground at the foot of the bed. "She was really excited for tonight."

"Well I hope I didn't disappoint," Chuck quips, voice low, and Sarah smirks, then tucks a stray curl behind Amy's ear. She brushes a quick kiss on her forehead before she stands up, tucks the sheets up over her little girl and steps away, moving back to Chuck.

"I don't think there's anything you could do that would disappoint her," she murmurs, and Chuck just swallows, eyes locked on hers, gaze heavy. And with her words, and the sheer truth in them, Sarah suddenly realizes just how deep they're in, here, with Chuck, even after knowing him for so little time. She wonders why the thought isn't more terrifying than it is. She'd expected it to scare her, but at this moment, everything in her life just feels good. Warm.

He clears his throat, ducks his head.  
"Does she need a nightlight, or should we just leave the door open?"

She can't help but smile at his thoughtfulness.  
"She usually has her nightlight, but..."

He raises a finger, brushing past her and tapping a touch lamp on his desk. It lights up with a faint glow, just the perfect amount, and Sarah smiles as she clicks off the main room light, plunging the room into warm orange darkness. When Chuck begins to walk toward her, she swears his eyes are almost aglow, so intense, direct, and she can't look away as he steps up in front of her with a soft soft smile. But when he stops, he just stays there, and Sarah realizes he's waiting for her to step back out into the hall. After an awkward beat, she does so, rushing back with Chuck following her, and she takes one last look at Amy, sleeping soundly, before closing the door, leaving it just ajar.

She's very aware that she just took her neighbor away from his own party on his birthday, all so her three-year-old can sleep, but he just sends her a soft smile as they walk back toward the living room, and she can only smile back in return.

"All good?" Ellie asks when they reach her, handing Sarah her wine glass again, which Sarah's sure has been refilled since she'd had it last. She takes it, looks to Chuck, still by her side. He takes a beer from Morgan before grinning.

"All good," he says, offering up his bottle, and Sarah taps her cup against it before they both take a sip, eyes locked the whole time.

"So, Sarah," Devon says, voice jolly as ever. "Morgan was telling me about your job- you're in accounting?"

"Yeah," she says, sitting down on the couch. Devon follows suit, smiling, openly, and Sarah ignores the disbelief in her that a heart surgeon would really care about accountancy, and keeps talking. "I run my own team, that's what I moved to LA to do, and it's different..."

As she talks, chatting to everyone about everything, the conversation refreshingly not just about Amy, but more about Sarah, about what she does, what she likes, then onto everyone else, the guests begin to leave, Chuck's coworkers, Anna, until it's just Ellie, Devon, Morgan, Chuck, and Sarah. Four people, Sarah's come to learn, who are extremely close, tight-knit, know each other extremely well, and then... her.  
And she's never known kinder, more welcoming people in her life.

"No," she says, stunned, as she takes another sip of her wine. " _In_ the sandwich?"

"Yup, sprinkled right in it, like pepper," Morgan sounds positively proud, but by her side Chuck is lost in embarrassed giggles, his head in his hand.

"And she ate it?"

"Yeah," Chuck squeaks. "The whole thing."

"God, you guys were disgusting," Ellie mutters, and Sarah chuckles at her, even as Chuck scoffs a little, defensively.

"Hey, it was Morgan's idea! Don't blame me!"

"You were complicit." Ellie narrows her eyes, teasingly, and Sarah sees Chuck attempt to glare back before he cracks in laughter again, shaking his head and sipping his beer.

Devon nudges Ellie's shoulder, shrugs.  
"It's nothing worse than anything me and my brothers got up to, you know that." He turns to Sarah. "Oh, the stories I could tell,"

"Please don't." Ellie says, looking a little embarrassed herself now at the prospect, and Chuck laughs too.

"Yeah, please- I'm pretty sure most of those stories involve me being hit in various places by a football by one of your brothers, Awesome,"

Ellie snorts.  
"Yeah, honey, Chuck's been embarrassed enough tonight," She sends Chuck an apologetic grin, apparently still feeling bad after revealing all little Chuck had wanted to be when he grew up was a big boy. Sarah suppresses her own grin; that story was cute. And Chuck's reaction had been equally so.

"Oh, now you take pity on me, thanks, sis," he murmurs, pulling a childish face. Ellie throws a balled-up napkin at his head, and it lands perfectly, bouncing off his curls. Sarah suspects the move is one the older woman perfected years ago.

As Sarah chuckles, watching the show and taking another sip of wine, Devon's cell phone starts beeping, and Chuck raises an eyebrow.  
"It's 10pm already?" Ellie asks, looking sad, and Devon just sighs. Sarah eyes them curiously, wondering what she's missing out on, and the other woman turns to her. "We've got early shifts at the hospital tomorrow, we need to head home."

Chuck sighs, but sets his beer down, standing from the couch as Devon does too.  
"Hey you're saving lives, I can't complain,"

"Amen to that." Devon chuckles, then nudges Chuck. "And now you know why your sister wanted you to not move too far away, at least we could still come at all."

"Yeah, I know," he sighs, and as Ellie and Devon start to reach for their jackets, their bags, Sarah stands, feeling a little awkward as the family start to say their goodnights and goodbyes.

Ellie thwacks Chuck in the shoulder, affectionately.  
"You should throw more parties, then."

He chuckles, then moves in and hugs her.  
"I am glad you could make it, El," he murmurs, then pulls back, going to Devon and offering a similar hug. As Sarah eyes that, though, Ellie turns to her, smiling warmly.

"It was so nice to meet you, Sarah, and Amy, too. If you're free we should get a coffee some time, I'd like that," She rifles in her bag and pulls out a card, stamped with her office number, but hurriedly grabs a pen and scribbles her cell on the back. "Just let me know."

"Yeah, I'd... I'd like that too, Ellie," Sarah says, taking the card with a smile, but before she can say anything else Ellie engulfs her in a brief hug, tight and friendly, and Sarah only blinks as she returns it. The moment she's free, Devon pulls her in for a similar hug, somehow even tighter, and Sarah blinks again. Well, now Chuck's family knows her, they're definitely huggers.  
She waves at them but just stays back as Chuck sees them off, tipping back her wine and gathering her things to leave, too. Since Morgan hasn't gone yet Sarah knows it's not like it would just be her and Chuck left and so she'd feel obliged to leave, but she figures she'll leave the two best friends to catch up rather than force them to include her too.

"You headin' out as well?" Chuck asks, when he comes back and sees her standing, hands in the pockets of her jeans.

"Yeah, I should, I'll get Amy back to her bed. I'm surprised she didn't wake up when the party was still going on and wander through and grab all the attention,"

He chuckles, turning to Morgan in the kitchen.  
"Morgan, you got that box?"

The bearded guy stands, holding a packet of chips in one hand and the large Tupperware Sarah had brought the cake in in the other.  
"Yup, got it!"

Chuck laughs, rounding the couch and reaching over the counter to grab the box.  
"Well, Sarah, your cake was a hit, there literally isn't a slice left."

"That's because I ate three slices." Morgan interrupts, beaming.

She chuckles, fully believing the man, even if he's still apparently hungry even now.  
"I'll have to let Amy know tomorrow, she'll be very proud. Baker is currently one of her planned jobs, I think it's Thursday's."

"And Doctor is...?" Chuck trails off, smirking, and Sarah grins.

"Tuesday. She's got a bunch of other ones lined up for the rest of the week, she's got it planned out pretty well,"

Chuck snorts, moving with her as she slowly heads down to his guest room to hopefully not disturb her sleeping daughter while she carries her across to their home.  
"Hey, d'you want me to come over with you? I can take this," He waves the Tupperware. "And maybe open the door for you, save you juggling Amy at the same time."

Though she's certainly done the balancing act before, she's grateful for Chuck's offer. Digging in her pocket, she pulls out her keys, handing them to him.  
"That'd be a great help, yeah, thank you,"

He grins, flushing a little bit, and she smiles back as she heads into the guest room, slowly opening the door and seeing Amy sleeping, out like a light, breathing soft. Though she's loath to even disturb her little girl, she moves toward Amy, smooths down her hair before slowly peeling back the sheets, slipping her hands under her back and scooping her gently up. She grabs the little shoes, too, as she stands, and Amy shifts in sleep against her as she hoists her up, cradling her to her chest.

"...Mommy?" she murmurs, voice thick with sleep, and Sarah strokes her back as she turns around. Chuck stands frozen in the doorway, unmoving, like he daren't even breathe in case he wakes Amy up proper.

"Yeah, baby, it's me," Sarah murmurs. "Go back to sleep."

"'Kay," And, with a sigh, she goes limp again, sleep having claimed her, and Sarah smirks up at Chuck as she passes him.

"She's a pretty heavy sleeper, you're good,"

He breathes out an exaggerated sigh of relief, and she tries not to laugh too much at his melodramatics. They head back through the apartment, Chuck opening the front door, and Sarah waves at Morgan before she leaves. He's attaching some kind of wire thing to the TV, and she thinks it must be a games console.

"Is Morgan staying at yours tonight?" she asks, voice still low, as they cross the very short space of the hall.

Chuck smirks a little.  
"Yeah, he's only got his bike and he doesn't like cycling the longer distance at night, he's crashing on my couch. He'll probably just pass out there after a couple hours of Call of Duty anyway," Looking down at the keys, Chuck's furrows his brow, the various items jangling as he passes the stuffed animal on the chain, the locker key from Sarah's gym that she's been to all of twice, the tiny plastic photo frame holding a picture of Amy at six months. He pauses at that one, squinting at the tiny image, then looks back up at Sarah with a grin. "Okay, that's adorable."

She chuckles, but helps out since he's clearly trying to find the apartment key.  
"It's the one with the blue sticker on it,"

"Got it," he mumbles, turning the key in the lock and letting her step inside before awkwardly hovering in the doorway.

"You can come in, I'll just be five minutes,"

Heading into Amy's bedroom, she quickly changes the little girl into a clean pair of pajamas and clicks on her nightlight. Though she really should wake her up to brush her teeth, Sarah knows that'd just make Amy cranky, and she's in such a deep sleep right now that waking her almost seems cruel. And so she simply tucks her in and leaves the door ajar before moving back out into the apartment, seeing Chuck still standing by the open front entrance.

"I put the cake box on your counter,"

"Thanks," She laughs, slowing as she reaches him, and he just smiles down at her. "Thank you for inviting us to the party."

"Well, thank you for coming, again, and for bringing Amy..." He trails off, gaze softening. "I'm- I'm really glad you got to meet everyone. That they got to meet you."

"Me too." she murmurs, smiling a little crookedly, then without really thinking on it she rises on her toes, looks him in the eye, and presses a light kiss to his cheek. "Happy birthday, Chuck,"

His eyes are once more burning, aglow, when she steps away, and he just nods, clears his throat, and turns on his heel, promptly rushing back into his apartment and closing the door without even looking back.

And as she stands in the doorway, heart rate slowly returning to normal, she can't help but think that's probably for the best.

* * *

 **a/n 2:** Oh dang. Feelings are being felt, guys. I'd love to know your thoughts on this one, so please leave a little review on your way out! See you in a couple days for chapter 5, 'The Laptop', when we finally venture out of these dang apartments!


	5. The Laptop

**summary:** Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they find a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

 **a/n:** Here we go again! Thank you for being so kind with your reviews thus far, you're all awesome. I'm loving that you guys are loving this, and I really enjoy discussing this world and these characters when I get the chance. This world's Sarah is a fun one to navigate, working out her thoughts and views and how those change from the Sarah we know from canon, but how similar she can be in her insecurities, too, and there's more of that exploration in this chapter. There's also more of Chuck's backstory coming right up! I figured it was time to get that out of the way and let everything continue from there. Without further ramble, then, here's Chapter 5! Please leave a review on your way out, and I hope you enjoy!

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Chuck, sandwiches, or learning laptops, though I did used to have one, as a kid. It was Barney themed. I loved it.

* * *

 **The Laptop**

"Mommy, my laptop broke!"

For a brief second, Sarah wonders if she suddenly has a teenager. The line is just so strangely adult, not involving stuffed animals or dolls or plastic cars, that she pauses mid-step, trying to figure out what on earth her daughter is talking about. Until, thankfully, clarity dawns, along with a wince.  
Amy must be talking about the learning laptop her grandmother had gotten her for her birthday just six months ago. It's not a real laptop, just looks like one, with a screen and big purple buttons that make noises or play songs or count up to ten. Though Amy used to use it all the time, since they moved it's sat untouched until this morning, apparently, so Sarah hopes it's just a matter of a dead battery.

When she heads into her daughter's room and looks at the mess on the floor, though, she realizes this is no dead battery. The laptop is split in two, the screen side cracked and completely separated from the keyboard. A few wires are spewing out of each half, along with sharp shards of thick plastic, and Sarah gasps instinctively, rushing in and scooping Amy up.

"Are you hurt, bug?"

Amy frowns.  
"No, Mommy, I'm okay,"

"You didn't cut yourself on anything on it? Nothing hit you when it broke?" Even as she asks she looks over her daughter, lifting her arms and legs but finding nothing out of the ordinary.

"Nope!" Amy says happily, but her smile falls a little as she looks back at what used to be her toy. "I got it out and it broke. Will Grandma be sad?"

"Grandma will be fine, baby, I'm sure. I'm just sorry it's broken, I know how much you loved it." She sighs, setting Amy safely on her bed and kneeling down to pick up the various broken pieces, making sure to get the few smaller shards of plastic sitting on the floor, too.

"Yeah," Amy says, looking dismayed and cradling Dog to her chest, and Sarah smiles sadly as she takes the pieces through to the kitchen, slipping everything into the trash. It wasn't her mother's only gift for Amy, of course, but considering she only got it six months ago it's a shame to lose such a thing so quickly, when Amy would still use it and enjoy it. Plus, it's only October, Christmas is still over two months away, and Sarah thinks it's a little mean to make Amy wait that long just to get a replacement for something she already had. When she heads back into Amy's room and sees her still frowning and cuddling her stuffed bunny, an idea strikes Sarah, and she heads toward her daughter.

"Ames, whaddya say we go buy you a new laptop, hm?" she says, crouching down in front of Amy, resting her hands on her little girl's knees.

"Really?" Amy asks, eyes wide, Dog falling to the mattress.

"Sure!" Sarah grins. "We'll go to the Buy More and pick you out a new one, then you can tell Grandma that you liked the one she got you so much, that when it broke, you wanted to get a new one."

Amy giggles, kicking her feet a little.  
"Yeah, I can!"

Smirking at her daughter's excitement, Sarah tickles her neck a moment, watching as Amy squirms, then chuckles.  
"Alright, let's get ready and go then, okay?"

Frantically, Amy nods, hopping off the bed and running to her closet, tugging out her boots and her coat. Though Sarah has explained several times now that Los Angeles won't get as cold as New York during the winter, Amy has still got it in her head that it was cold when she turned two and a half, and it was cold at Christmas, so now that she's three and a half and Christmas is slowly coming up, it must be cold again. Sarah lets her continue with the belief with the boots, but settles on a much thinner jacket for the girl, avoiding the puffy insulated winter coat. That, she thinks, will probably only come in handy when they go visit her mother in the Midwest for the holidays.

Sarah slips her own shoes and a brown leather jacket on, grabbing her purse and Amy's stroller as they head out of the apartment. Though the little girl is perfectly happy to walk places, she's almost too happy to do so in stores, and after a few cases of almost needing to get the staff to make an announcement asking for Amy Walker, Sarah sticks with the stroller to avoid any mishaps.

As she locks her door, she casts a quick glance to the apartment door opposite. Chuck's. She hasn't seen him since his birthday a couple weeks back, but she'd heard his door close early this morning before Amy had woken up, and she hasn't heard it since. Sarah's very aware, then, that he might well be in the Buy More when they get there. He might not be, though, of course, so she refrains from mentioning it to Amy. She'll deal with her little girl's excitement over such a thing if and when the situation arises.

The drive to the Buy More isn't too long, and Amy chatters in the backseat the whole way through, first about what color laptop she wants to get, then about random things, before circling back to her Halloween costume. Though they've gone through various options, she seems to be settling on being a bug, much to Sarah's displeasure. Not at the choice so much as the logistics of it—she is no expert in papier-mâché or sewing, so she just has to hope some of the costume stores will carry a fly or an ant costume in Amy's size.

"Are you gonna dress up, Mommy?"

"Uh, maybe, Ames, I'm not sure," she murmurs, as she steers them into a parking space. Last year, the office she'd worked in had encouraged dressing up, something about boosting morale, so Sarah had worn a toned-down version of a princess costume to match Amy's, really just a pink dress with her hair in a long braid. She'd slipped the tiara on only when heading to pick up Amy from the company daycare. This year, though, her office isn't enforcing it, and Amy will be at daycare most of the day, so Sarah thinks she might just borrow some of Amy's fairy wings while they go trick-or-treating down the halls in the apartment. Putting the car in park, she twists in her seat, looking at Amy sat in the back. "Ready to go?"

"Mmhm!" She sits patiently as Sarah rounds the car and opens the trunk, tugging out the stroller and setting it up next to the car before she opens the side door. Undoing the always-fiddly straps of Amy's car seat, she lifts her up and out into the stroller, before buckling her into that and reaching for her purse. The whole routine complete, she starts heading across the parking lot.

"Now remember, baby, no letting yourself out and running around the Buy More, okay? You stay in your stroller the whole time, unless I unbuckle you and say you can walk, with me, okay?"

Amy huffs, audibly, and Sarah imagines she's pouting though she can't see her.  
"Okay," She drawls. They've been through this many a time before, but Sarah knows the one time she doesn't remind her, Amy will take advantage of that, and gleefully run through all the aisles.

They step into the store, and Sarah would be lying to herself if she said the moment they get through the doors she doesn't automatically look to the large white Nerd Herd desk in the middle of the place. Because she does, instinctively, eyes searching, and as she walks up the middle aisle a customer at the desk steps aside and clears the view, and sure enough, Sarah's instincts were right.

There stands Chuck Bartowski, in his Nerd Herd uniform, pocket protector attached to his shirt. He's talking to a customer and holding a camcorder, smiling politely.

"Mommy, I saw them there," Amy says, sounding confused that they must have walked past the laptops, but Sarah knows her daughter will understand once she sees their neighbor straight ahead. She slows at the end of one of the aisles, looking around into the stroller seat.

"Ames, d'you see who's standing at that big desk in front of us?"

"Uhhh..."

"Look at the side." she says, smiling at Amy's perplexed expression. Reaching out to help her, she points to the left, and Amy follows her arm as a guide before a loud gasp sounds from her, and Sarah sees her beam instantly.

"Chuck!" she squeals, loudly, and all the way over at the desk Chuck seems to stop, mid-sentence. Sarah watches as he looks around, looking adorably confused, before his eyes somehow find hers, and she sends him a little wave. He blinks, and then his face splits into a giant grin, all wide and toothy. "Hiya Chuck!" Amy says, and he chuckles before he looks around, quickly waving someone in a green Buy More shirt over. He hands them the video camera, says something to the customer, then steps away, and Sarah can only watch as he walks up toward them.

"Hi," he says, sounding stunned, shaking his head. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Need a laptop." Amy says, solemnly, and Sarah chuckles, looking up at Chuck.

"Her grandma got her a learning laptop for her birthday, but she picked it up today and it shattered, it's in a lot of little pieces in my trash."

"Ooh, ouch," Chuck says, immediately kneeling down next to the stroller. "You okay, Amy?"

"Yup!" she says happily, reaching out her hands and showing them to him. He takes them but looks up to Sarah with a raised eyebrow when he evidently sees they're fine.

She shrugs a shoulder, shaking her head.  
"Honestly, I'm just appreciating the lack of injuries and not wondering how she didn't get hurt."

He hums, then boops Amy on the nose, making her giggle, before standing up.  
"Well, you've come to the right place, and the right person, I'm an expert on laptops."

"Really?" Amy once more sounds awed, and Chuck nods, before looking at Sarah and winking briefly. Yeah, Amy doesn't need to know Chuck's just good with normal adult laptops, and probably not childrens' learning ones. "I wanna see them, I wanna see them!"

Though Sarah knows she should just keep Amy in the stroller like she'd said, she gives into the sudden urge in her, and leans down, unbuckling the stroller straps and letting Amy wriggle out and slide to the floor.  
"One condition, baby, you stay with either me or Chuck at all times."

"Got it." She nods, and Sarah can only chuckle at her phrasing, sharing another look with Chuck before standing up.

"Okay, they're just around here," Chuck says, starting to walk into one of the aisles, and Amy immediately rushes to walk next to him, looking up at him as he talks about all the different types of laptops they have. Sarah stays a few steps behind, pushing the stroller, so she sees perfectly when Amy reaches up for Chuck's hand as they're walking, and how, when she tugs on his hip, Chuck looks down, smiles, and reaches out for her. He's so tall Amy really has to reach up, and Chuck has to sort of slump a little on his left side to reach his arm lower, but it still might be one of the sweetest things she's ever seen.

He leads them to the outside edge of one of the aisles, and as Sarah brings up the rear she sees the various colors, styles, and prices, of all the learning laptops on display.

"Which one was the one you had, Amy?" Chuck asks, and Amy points to the green one on the shelf, which is sure enough the exact same model she'd had. He looks to Sarah for confirmation, but when she just nods he looks back, and hums. After a moment, he plucks a different box from the shelf. "Okay, well this one's similar, and the same price, but it's a different company, so it might not break on you after... how long did you have it?"

"Six months,"

"Because I'm three and a half now!" Amy cheers, and Chuck laughs softly. A browsing customer walking past them smiles sweetly, and Sarah smiles back, somewhat awkwardly.

"What do you think, Sarah?"

He hands her the box, and she scans over the specs. Chuck's right, it seems pretty similar, coming with basic math and the alphabet, a couple tunes, but this one also has a button that plays animal noises every time you push it. Sarah's sure she'll come to hate it, and Amy will, of course, adore it.

Animal noises aside, though, she can think of no reason to refuse, so she smiles and passes the laptop back to Chuck.  
"It sounds great, yeah,"

"Okay," he says, nodding, before he turns and crouches down next to Amy, holding up the box. "This comes in three colors- red, yellow, or turquoise, what one would you like?"

"What's the turk one?" Amy asks, tilting her head curiously.

Sarah smiles at her daughter's wording.  
"Bluey-green, baby. Your swimsuit is that color."

"Oh." She wrinkles her nose. "Yellow. Please,"

"Alrighty, one yellow laptop for Miss Amy Walker, coming right up." Chuck says happily. He ruffles Amy's hair briefly, to which she loses herself in giggles, then stands, turning back to Sarah. "I'll just head into the back and get the right color, if you go round to one of the registers I'll ring you up myself,"

"Okay, great," She grins, and he grins right back before dashing off behind a door. Sarah idly wonders if there's anything else she needs from the electronics store other than the laptop, but when she comes up blank, she reaches for Amy's hand, pushing the empty stroller and slowly making her way across to the registers. "Well that's good, right baby? Chuck helped us find a laptop."

"Yeah!"

"Aren't you glad we bumped into him here?" she prompts, though she's pretty sure she already knows the answer.

Amy giggles again, nodding and skipping a little in her step.  
"Mmhm. Is this Chuck's… office?" she asks, sincerely, and Sarah has to chuckle at her daughter's interpretation of the Buy More. She squeezes Amy's fingers briefly, shakes her head.

"Not quite, Ames, but he does work at that desk most of the time. It's a little shinier than Mommy's."

"Ooh." Amy nods like she understands, but she must catch sight of something out the corner of her eye, since she quickly stops and gets side-tracked. "Mr Morgan!"

Sarah follows Amy's gaze and sees Morgan, in a green shirt, standing by a rack of DVDs and looking bored. At Amy's words, though, he looks up and smiles.

"Oh hey, Sarah, Amy. Doing a little shoppin'?"

"Yup, 'm getting a yellow laptop." Amy says, preening a little. "Chuck found it for me."

Morgan nods approvingly, though his gaze flits up to Sarah briefly, and she swears she sees some unknown kind of glint in his eyes.  
"Awesome! Oh- and there he is." He looks across the store, the glint fading as he does so, and sure enough, Sarah sees Chuck weaving his way through customers as he heads to the registers, carrying a cardboard box in hand. "I'll let you guys get your stuff, but it was great seeing you."

Deciding not to focus on that glint right now, Sarah musters up a smile, nods.  
"Alright, thanks, Morgan."

"Bye!" Amy says, waving he walks past them, and she turns to look up at Sarah once she's done. "Are all of Chuck's friends here, Mommy?"

Grinning, Sarah shakes her head.  
"Uh, some of them, bug, but not all of them. Dr Ellie's a doctor, remember? She'll be at the hospital." As Amy hums on that, Sarah steers them toward the register Chuck is now standing at, and he grins at her as she slows in front of him.

"Got it! Last one in stock, you're lucky, Amy."

She giggles, almost predictably by now, and Sarah smirks as she grabs her purse, waiting as Chuck scans the laptop and slips it into a bag before she hands her card over. Before he swipes it, though, he tugs a card of his own from his pocket and scans that, and 'Friends And Family Discount' flashes up on the register monitor.

"Oh, Chuck, you didn't have to do that," she says, but he waves a hand, shrugs it off.

"C'mon, it's nothing."  
Perhaps to most people it is, but Sarah knows to her, from him, it's not just nothing, it's nice, beyond nice, that he'd do that. She's never met anyone quite like him, and she's not sure what she's done to deserve meeting him now. She contemplates that as he swipes her card and she pays, losing herself in thoughts until he hands her the bright yellow Buy More bag. She slips it into the pocket underneath the stroller, and he closes his register, walking on the other side of the desk with her until they meet at the end.

"Alright, bug, back in the stroller," she murmurs, about to look up and thank Chuck, but he rests a hand on Amy's shoulder, stops her, and Sarah looks at him curiously.

"Have you guys had lunch?" he asks, words a rush.

"Nuh-uh."

She passes over Amy's words, shakes her head.  
"No, I was gonna get it when we got back."

"I- My lunch break starts in..." He trails off, checks his watch. "Three minutes. I get an hour, and there's a cafe just across the plaza, if you wanted to come? They've got a little kids section, with toys and stuff."

"Ooh, toys!" Amy says, like Chuck has just uttered the magic word: toys. He has. She starts bouncing up and down, giggling. "Mommy, can we go, can-"

"Okay." Sarah breathes, almost without realizing, before she forces herself to clear her throat, nod properly, look like someone with their head on straight. "Okay."

Chuck grins, but it's soft this time, crinkling his nose.  
"Great. I, uh, I just need to get my stuff from the break room." he says, sounding a little nervous and awkward still, in a way Sarah's almost unsurprised to realize she finds quite heartwarming. She points toward the store entrance.

"We'll meet you by the doors?"

"Great," he repeats, dipping his head and stepping back, then ruffling Amy's hair again before turning around.

Sarah looks down at her daughter, who's looking about as happy as can be. Without warning, Amy starts jumping up and down again.  
"Yay, lunch with Chuck! This day is _amazing_."

"You're not wrong there, bug," Sarah murmurs, reaching for Amy's hand again as she starts to walk toward the entrance.

* * *

It's a nice cafe, not too small, not too big, and sure enough there's a little kids' play area, a section with toys and bean bags and foam cushions gated off. Once they've ordered some sandwiches Sarah lets Amy run off and play, choosing a table nearby so she can keep an eye on her. Chuck sets down their coffees as Sarah maneuvers the stroller into the corner, folding it up a little but still keeping the laptop in the pocket of it.

"Thank you again for helping with that, seriously," she says, as she takes a seat.

He shrugs.  
"It's my job. Best part of it is when I actually get to help people and don't just get shouted at by confused old people," She snorts, even as he pulls a face. "Y'sure your mom's gonna be okay you got a different type, though?"

"Oh, yeah, she'll be fine, she'll just be glad Amy's okay and she'll get why we got a different brand if the one she bought snapped in half." She gnaws on her lower lip a moment, wondering quite how honest to be with Chuck, here, but keeps going before she can stop herself. "My mom's great with Amy, it's, uh, it's me she's not so good with,"

He raises an eyebrow at that.  
"Oh?"

She pauses, as she debates telling him everything or not, but she can't think of a reason to hold back. She feels safe with Chuck, comfortable, and he already knows so much about her, about Amy's father, about New York. She's never wanted to hold back with him, as strange as that is. He's just easy to talk to. And so she shrugs. He already knows so much about them, he might as well know this, too.  
"Remember I said I didn't really have the normal family growing up?"

"Yeah," Chuck says, nodding, looking like he knows where this is going. She nods too, and starts as best she can, at the beginning.

"My parents divorced when I was young. I had to choose between them, and I hated it, but I went with my Dad. It was... not great, I spent more time with my Grandmother than my Dad, really. I hardly saw my mother, we kept in touch, but it wasn't the same, y'know? When I got older I spent more time with my Dad, moving around as he went from job to job, and then when I was 17 he- he..." She trails off, seeing Amy happily playing in the play area, stacking plastic blocks, far from earshot. Sarah takes a sip of her coffee, turns back to Chuck, and his eyes are so warm and open when they meet hers that she takes a deep breath, reels it in. She keeps the details sparse, since admitting she was raised by a con man in public doesn't seem like the greatest of ideas. "He got arrested. It was minor, fraud, but suddenly I felt like I had no parents at all. I got a job, made my own way for a while... And then I got pregnant. You already know that part."

Chuck nods, sips his cappuccino, looking thoughtful but saying nothing, just letting her talk. She sighs.

"I called my mom, when I found out. She was the first person I wanted to talk to, even though I hardly knew her. And it- it would've been so easy, to just run to her. She wanted to help out, she offered to let me move in with her, to be there since I was by myself. I almost said yes, y'know? I almost went straight to her." She'd debated it, long and hard, night after night. And the first night truly on her own, the first after leaving the CIA, of truly living as Sarah Walker, human being, civilian, she'd even packed a bag, almost headed to the airport. But she hadn't. She shakes her head. "But I... I didn't want to only reconnect with her because I was pregnant. I didn't want it to be only because of Amy, and not because we actually wanted to. Sometimes I think I'm crazy for choosing that, turning her away when she would've helped so much, and I definitely almost called her changing my mind fifty times right when Amy was born, but..."

"No, I, I understand," Chuck says, voice somehow soothing. "If my parents somehow came back, I could jump at the chance to be with them, be a family again, with Ellie too, but I know it wouldn't work. We'd have too many differences, I'd have too many questions. It's like, I'm not the same person I was when they knew me, y'know?"

She rests her head on her hand, smiles softly, wondering how on earth she's managed to find someone who thinks the way she does, as Chuck manages to do, time and again.  
"Exactly," she murmurs, and he smiles back.

"I am sorry, that you were alone for all that, though. To get through it, raise Amy as well as you have..." He shakes his head. "It's pretty incredible, Sarah,"

Her jaw drops, but he just keeps smiling, warmth in his gaze.

"Alright, I've got the provolone and chorizo..." says a voice, and Sarah's relieved when she sees the server standing by their table, plates in hand. Their food set down, she turns to the play area.

"Come get your lunch, bug," she calls, and Amy turns, looking regretful as she drops the plastic cubes she'd been holding.

"I gotta go eat," she says, waving at the other little girl in the area, before opening the little gate on the fence and wandering over. Sarah meets the eyes of a couple across the cafe, smiling knowingly, and she chuckles before turning back.

Helping Amy up onto her chair, she reaches for her sandwich, cutting it into neat triangles before handing it back to her, and Amy munches as Sarah tucks into her own lunch.

"Did you make a friend over there, Amy?" Chuck asks, conversationally, and she nods fervently, gulping her sandwich down before speaking.

"Yeah. She's called Sam, but she's little so I gotta be gentle."

Sarah smiles, even as the other child's name startles her. She's been Sarah for years now, since Graham found her in the woods that fateful afternoon, but sometimes the memory of who she used to be will hit her full-force, overwhelming. It's hard enough for her mother to call her Sarah, she knows it is, even though the older woman understands why she must. In the few letters Sarah's sent to Jack Burton in prison, she hasn't even signed them. Saying they're from Jenny Burton would alert the prison authorities to Jack being in contact with his daughter when she dropped off grid years ago, but saying they're from Sam would be too real, and maybe help someone uncover her father's real, first, identity. Plus, he doesn't even know who Sarah Walker is, she's never met him under that name. And so she keeps them blank, writes like one would an old friend, and just sends pictures so he knows who it is.  
And yet, much like with Jenny at Amy's daycare, the name will always jolt her a little. Especially when she's just been thinking back to those days, being little Samantha Lisa stuck in a room with her parents and a bunch of attorneys, all of them telling her to choose.

"Sarah?"

"Hm?" She snaps out of it, looks around, finds Chuck eyeing her, gentle curiosity in his gaze. "Oh, sorry, I was lost in thought."

He smiles knowingly, and only nods.

"Chuck, can you open my fruit, please?" Amy asks politely, lifting the bag of apple and grapes up so he can reach them. And as Sarah watches him open the little bag and hand it back to Amy, she can't help but gape, just a little bit. It's rare Amy will ask anyone for help nowadays without at least trying to do something herself, let alone asking anyone but Sarah. She can't help but feel a little pride, then, at Amy just asking Chuck, feeling like she can ask him for help, accepting it right away.

When Amy's finished with her little meal, and the snacks too, she looks up at Sarah expectantly, blinking with her eyes all wide. Like Sarah had told Ellie at Chuck's party a couple weeks back- Amy is adorable, and she knows it. But mostly, she uses her powers for good, and today she doesn't even have to say a word.

"Yes, you can go play some more, bug,"

With a giggle, Amy hops down off her chair, running back to the play area and greeting her little friend from before, and Sarah takes another bite of her sandwich with a chuckle.

"It's a good sandwich," she murmurs, trying to get back talking with Chuck. "D'you come to this place a lot?"

"Yeah, when I can. I spent a lot of time in a lot of sandwich shops right after Stanford, just to get out of the apartment, but this place was always the best."

She raises an eyebrow at the mention of the college again. Ellie had said something about it at the party, related it to Chuck's being at the Buy More now and the funk he'd been in for a couple years, but so far Sarah hasn't heard enough to put the pieces together.  
"Stanford?"

Chuck smiles wryly, sits back in his chair, crumples a napkin in his hand.  
"I suppose it's about time I told you about it," he hums, tilting his head. "But yeah, I went to Stanford. I got an engineering scholarship."

She smiles, unsurprised that someone so technologically-versed as him would study such a degree.  
"That's impressive."

"Yeah." He doesn't sound like he's very impressed, for some reason. He twists his lips again, and Sarah starts to frown. "I worked my butt off not to lose it, but I loved being there. I was in a good place, El was in med school, then she was qualifying, it was awesome. And then I got kicked out, twelve credits short."

Well, despite Ellie implying something went wrong for Chuck to end up where he is now, Sarah hadn't expected that.  
"What?" she says, hearing the shock in her own voice. Chuck smiles, a slight edge of sadness and bitterness in it, but neither directed at her, then sighs.

"My roommate and then-best friend said he found stolen tests under my bed and alerted the administration. Saying I was framed sounds overdramatic, but..."

"That's what it was."

"Well, I didn't steal the tests," He shrugs. "They kicked me out, I couldn't stay in the frat, so I had to come home. I ended up living with Ellie again, living in her and Awesome's spare room. I got the Nerd Herd job, but I was out on my ass, more or less."

"I'm sorry, Chuck, that's... It's awful." She frowns, shakes her head. "To lose everything you'd worked for. Can you make up your credits, or...?"

"Yeah, maybe," He smiles a little. "I'm looking into it. But right now I'm working on my software, getting out of the place I'd been in until Ellie snapped me out of it a couple months back."

Sarah chuckles.  
"She's a good sister, to try to get through to you like that."

"Yeah, she is. She's the best. I'm just sorry it took so long to get it into my head that I was more than just a failure, that I can do more. But I'm glad it did, eventually. I'm glad I moved out." She smiles up at him, but he doesn't fully return it. Instead, his frame tightens again, nerves and awkwardness once more, a sign of more things to come. "That- that sorta wasn't all, at Stanford. Just, so if anyone brings it up you're clued in. My girlfriend at the time, Jill... Ellie and Morgan both pretty much hate her guts now so they might mention her. But when she heard I'd been expelled, Jill dumped me. Guess she thought she'd kick me when I was down. And then when I tried to talk to her a couple days later, she said she wasn't interested because she'd already moved on. To my best friend, the one who got me kicked out. I, I know, it sounds like a soap opera, it's crazy, but..." He shrugs, and she tries not to gape.

He's right, it sounds like a soap opera, or some bad dramatic series. But not the kind you laugh at, no, because all Sarah's feeling right now is sadness, and a little rage. She's known some selfish people in her time, but none like this Jill. Biting back words about that, she takes a deep breath, instead.

"I understand why Ellie and Morgan don't like her, then. And your friend from then, too." She pokes him in the shoulder. "You can add me to that list, though. And Amy too. I won't tell her but I guarantee if she found out someone hurt you she'd roll up her sleeves and attack."

He chuckles.  
"Now that is a sight I'd like to see."

As he laughs more, she just grins and watches him, seeing how his eyes crinkle at the side, smile all toothy. And though she understands, now, why he'd been staying with Ellie and Devon for so long, why he'd only recently moved to their building, why he's at the Buy More when anyone could tell he's destined for more, why he's staying there even now as he works on his own software, though she gets it all, she still can't understand why anyone would be as cruel as his friend and ex-girlfriend were. Sure, Sarah has an asshole ex, but their relationship was complicated by other means, too, by lies and hidden agendas. But to break up with someone just because they've been kicked out of college, or maybe not even because of that but just coinciding with the time of it, and then run off to his best friend, the one responsible for getting him expelled? Sarah had no idea, really, that real life could be as cruel as the spy life is.

She smiles at him, reaches out, taps his hand briefly.  
"If it makes you feel any better, I think you've come out of it just fine, eventually."

He grins.  
"Thank you."

"So, what kind of software are you working on?" she asks, trying to move them on from talking about his past, to talking about his present, his future. And she knows, right now he's working on his own software, of some kind.

"Oh!" He sounds surprised, like he hadn't expected her to ask that, but promptly grins again. "Oh, I've got a couple ideas, some more entertainment-based, some practical, but the one I'm working on the most right now is a type of antivirus. My current one is just so, so slow, I hate it, and I see so many customers coming in complaining of the same thing, no matter what brand. Any time the software scans, the whole computer freezes, or it constantly gives you pop-ups and notifications that slow the screen down so you need to stop what you're doing and erase them, even if you turn off background scans and alerts. They're just a nightmare, and kinda the bane of my Buy More existence. Plus, half of 'em don't even work properly. So I'm working on creating my own that won't slow everything down, trying to make it more user-friendly, more effective, that kinda thing. I just wanna help people actually be able to _use_ their computers."

She smirks at his wording, the way he's phrased all that. Not once, in any of his explanation, did he say anything about his own personal gain.

"You're creating software to help people?"

"I- Well, yeah." He swallows, flushing, but Amy wanders over and he takes the distraction. "Hey! You bored with playing?"

"Yeah," Amy sighs, tugging on Sarah's leg, and she leans down to scoop her up, settling her into her lap. Sarah kisses her head, keeping her close, knowing that naptime is on the horizon but wanting to try and keep that at home. Amy no longer needs naps every day, but days like today, which involve fun and excitement and going places and meeting people, always seem to take it out of her.

"Chuck, could you just reach into the back of the stroller, please? There should be a coloring book and some crayons in there,"

"Oh, sure," He stands, heading round to the stroller and rummaging around in the back, pulling out a few things. He frowns at the little reading book, the wipes, the pack of trail mix Sarah always keeps there in case Amy gets snacky, but is no closer to finding what he's looking for when a couple walk past, holding a child. Sarah sees it's the parents of the little girl Amy had been playing with, Sam, and the girl herself, and she sends them a smile as they walk past. Amy waves at the toddler, who sleepily blinks in return, but the man in the couple chuckles at the sight of Chuck pulling out various items.

"I've been there," he says, sounding like he's in solidarity with Chuck, and though Chuck himself just grins and finally tugs out the crayons and the notebook, Sarah freezes. Because that man, probably Sam's Dad, is sharing a joke with Chuck, and that means he must be thinking that Chuck is Amy's dad, her guardian, someone who's been around them a while and been through this before, something. And, strangely enough for the first time, Sarah realizes what they must look like, out here, the three of them. Her with her blonde hair, Chuck with his brown curls, and then Amy with her blonde curls, looking like a blend of both of them. Amy asking Chuck for help with her food, talking to them both, obviously knowing Chuck well enough. And then Sarah, sitting here with him, smiling at him, laughing, touching his hand, his arm.

They must look like a family.

"There y'go, Amy," Chuck sets the coloring things down next to Sarah, and she clears her throat as she shifts her plate to the empty space on the table and Amy wriggles to sit on her lap properly, grabbing for the stuff and moving it onto the placemat. She flips to a picture of a rainbow and some animals, starts coloring right away, with blatant disregard for the lines, and Sarah smiles at her enthusiasm. When she looks up, she finds Chuck watching her, once more curious, questioning. "You okay?"

She just nods, mustering up a smile, even with her thoughts so scattered. Though she knows her spy abilities have faded, her instincts and observations aren't as sharp as they once were, she can't believe she missed this. And she knows it mustn't even be that- she didn't miss it, she just didn't want to see it. To realize what could be happening, or at least what it looks like.

Amy adores Chuck, she knows that. And she trusts him, reaching for his hand in the store today showed that, letting him carry her at the party, too. But somehow it's become more than that- he's increasingly becoming a part of their lives. A very important part, who brings them happiness, makes them laugh, invites them to parties and stops serving customers at his job just to talk to them instead. And it's all so rapid, so fast. Sarah feels like they just moved here, she's still settling in to her job, adjusting to the traffic, Amy still thinks it's gonna get cold.

After what happened in New York, Sarah had promised herself to go slow. To not just dive into a perfect idea, because that perfect idea can fall apart around you before you even know it. She'd decided that just her, and Amy, were enough. They don't need anyone else, they don't need this perfect idyllic look. Chuck being close to them doesn't mean that she's broken that promise to herself, but she knows, she's likely getting pretty close to it.

She just takes a deep breath, and lets Amy color, focusing on her little girl.

Perhaps thankfully, Chuck finds his lunch break coming to an end, and Amy finishes her drawing as the adults split the check for the sandwiches and coffees, the little girl not picking up on her mother's muddled thoughts. Sarah sees the looks Chuck shoots her as they leave, though, as she buckles Amy into her stroller.

"Oh oh, my picture!"

Sarah smiles, tugging the page out of the book.  
"Where should I put your coloring, bug?"

"It's for Chuck!" Of course it is, Sarah thinks. Because Amy adores the man. On cue, the three-year-old grins, turning to Chuck who chuckles in surprise. "It's for your desk."

"Oh, why thank you, Amy." He looks to Sarah, smirks, and she hands him the piece of paper. "It'll go in my locker," he mouths, and despite herself Sarah laughs.

"'Welcome." Amy says shyly, blushing a bit, and Sarah grins at her as she tucks the book back into the stroller's pockets, then wheels her out of the cafe, Chuck following her. They're across the parking lot from the Buy More, but her realization is still weighing heavily on her mind, making her feel a little strange, and she knows her car is in the other direction. On another day, she'd walk with Chuck and double back, but today, she just slows a few steps out of the restaurant and stops, smiling at Chuck.

"Well, we're this way..." She points, and Chuck smiles.

"Alright, I'm over here, so..." He chuckles a little awkwardly, then crouches down next to Amy in the stroller. "I hope you enjoy your laptop, Amy. You'll have to let me know how it is, okay?"

"Okay. See ya, Chuck." She giggles, reaching out her arms, leaning against the straps of her buckle, and Chuck leans in to hug her with a laugh. After a beat, she doesn't let go, and he laughs even more.

"Oh, you're a hug-bug, aren't you?"

Amy squeals.  
"That's what Mommy calls me! She said Grandpa made it up,"

Chuck looks up, eyebrow raised, and Sarah bites her lip. She'd explain, really, her letters to her father, the few pictures, Jack's reply, but she doesn't want to bring him up in front of Amy. That always leads to questions Sarah isn't quite sure how to answer. Amy knows her father died before she could meet him, but she also knows her Grandfather and Grandmother just aren't together anymore, and she thinks Jack lives far away. Sarah's gotten away with that scrappy an answer so far, and rather selfishly she tries not to tempt fate.

"Another time," she mouths, and he nods as he stands up.

"Okay. I'll, uh, I'll see you later, then?"

"Mmhm." she says, tightly.

He steps forward, lays a hand on her arm, and she can feel his warmth through the layers of her jacket and shirt.  
"You sure you're okay? You kinda... spaced out, in there. I keep waiting for you to come back." He quirks his mouth into a lopsided smile to take the sting out of his words, and damn him, it works.

"I'm fine. Really. I just- I'm just thinking." She musters up a bigger smile, one she thinks must work, since Chuck grins a little wider.

"Okay." He looks at her a moment, contemplating something, she sees, then oh so briefly leans in and brushes his lips against her cheek. "Drive safe."

And with that, he turns on his heel and walks determinedly away to the Buy More. She stands, stuck still, feeling the burning of his lips on her cheek, the whole time he walks away, and only when the Buy More doors slide shut, Chuck behind them just a hazy figure in the distance, does she shake her head and begin to push the stroller to head back to her car.

Even as Amy starts to ramble about what she wants for dinner, Sarah can't quite get out of her head. Because, she knows, she's got some thinking to do.

* * *

 **a/n 2:** Ooh, thinking. It's intense stuff, that. We're winding up these introductory chapters, now, so the long lengthy backstories should be slowing up, and then the real story can begin. I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Please leave a review on your way out, and I'll see you in a few days for Chapter 6, 'The Bug'!

-Kiera :)


	6. The Bug

**summary:** Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they find a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

 **a/n:** Halloween is here! In July! Such fun. Halloween is such a thing in Chuck I could hardly skip it, so hopefully this chapter delivers on the show's usual holiday fun. This chapter marks the beginning of a staple in this story, one I'm rather fond of, so I hope you enjoy. Y'all have been so awesome with your feedback so far, so thank you thank you, and as ever, if you like this chapter, please leave a review and let me know your thoughts!

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Chuck, candy, spider queens, or baby pictures.

* * *

 **The Bug**

She puts the final touches to her makeup with a flourish, then turns to Amy with a grin.

"How do I look?"

Amy gapes, kicking her feet where she sits on Sarah's bed.

"A _maz_ ing. You're almost scary. But I know you're still Mommy," she states, and Sarah giggles, adjusting her headband and taking in Amy's appearance. She hadn't had to resort to papier-mâché to make Amy's dreams come true in the end, but Sarah had come pretty damn close. The finished product, though, is definitely worth it, as Amy looks under her big plastic bowl eyes, giggling adorably.

"Well, I am scary," Sarah says, seriously, stepping forward, her dress shifting underneath her. Amy sobers, blinks. "I'm a big, scary spider, and I'm here to eat bugs called Amy!"

The little girl screams gleefully, hopping off the bed, her extra arms bobbing where they're loosely sewed into the onesie she's wearing, and Sarah tackles her, grabbing her round the waist and tickling her sides, laughing as Amy squeal-giggles, and then she moves forward, nuzzles Amy's cheek before smothering her with kisses, until her daughter is a limp giggling creature in her lap, chest heaving with exhaustion.

"You're silly, Mommy," she states, and Sarah smirks, patting Amy's tummy, about the only part of her she can reach where she lies with Amy splayed out on top of her. She just nods.

"I am."

And really, that's the truth. Here she lies, Sarah Walker, a mom, silly. She is a serious hardened spy no more. And just a few years ago, the idea of goofing around and pretending to be a spider just to make her daughter laugh, just to gobble her up, would've been completely alien to Sarah. She wouldn't have even recognized the concept, let alone contemplated it. Now, though, it feels perfectly normal. It feels _good_.

Amy laughs, then rolls over, looking down at Sarah.  
"When can we go get candy?"

"Now."

"Really?!" Amy asks, eyes wide.

"Yeah!" She grins. "Just go get your bag and we can go."

"Okay!" And, completely adorably, the little girl plants a kiss on Sarah's nose before slithering off her, bounding through to her room, and Sarah chuckles as she sits up and readjusts her outfit, checks her makeup hasn't smudged. She's good, though, much to her relief.

True to her word, she's a spider, in a rather artsy black dress covered in white mesh spiderwebs, most of which are raised from the base fabric, three-dimensional. She found it in a goodwill last week and thus her idea had been born. She's paired it with tall black heels and a black lace cardigan, her makeup dark and smoky. The true triumph, though, is the black spiderweb painted across half her face, topped with white glitter, matching her dark eye makeup; she'd consulted the internet for children's spider face paint walkthroughs and just adapted it. Since she'd figured such a hugs and kisses attack might happen, only now does she apply the gray lipstick, pleased when it combines with the whole outfit to make a cool, tasteful, spider. To go with her daughter, the most adorable ambiguous not-a-fly-not-an-ant bug she's ever seen.

Amy walks back in, her big spiderweb printed bag in her hand.  
"Ready!" she declares, bouncing her extra bug arms and legs as she wiggles excitedly. Sarah had really just cut up some old black shirts and stuffed them before attaching them to Amy's costume, but paired with the eyes atop the little girl's head, covered in shiny foil, she really does make quite the sight. She grins, glad she's already snapped many a photograph.

"Alright, bug, let's go,"

Reaching out, she waits as Amy's fingers curl into hers, then nods, heading out into the hall.

A message from the landlord that came through everyone's mailboxes earlier in the week had said he'd be around until 6pm, so it being 5:30, they head to the elevator first, Amy's extra limbs still wobbling as she does so. They pass a few other dressed-up families and some people in the lobby who share a smile with Sarah at the costume, and then head to the landlord's office. Sarah squeezes Amy's hand before knocking a few times on the door.

"Come in,"

She pushes it, and Amy waddles in, giggling.  
"Hi Mr James! Trick or treat!"

James smiles kindly. He's a nice landlord, Sarah's found, and helpful, too, not too lacking in his role, and he's sweet with Amy as well. Sarah knows he has three grandchildren, so she's sure that helps.  
"Hi there! And you are..."

"A bug!" She waves her arms, all the extra ones waving too, and James chuckles, leaning forward with a bowl full of candy. Amy gasps before grabbing a handful and stuffing them into her bag. " _Thank you!_ "

"You're welcome, Amy," He chuckles, then looks up to Sarah. "You just heading round the building?"

"Yeah, seeing some of the neighbors,"

"We're gonna see Chuck!" Amy interjects gleefully, while still trying to shove her treats into her bag, almost dropping a Kit-Kat but managing to keep a grip on it.

James smiles down at the little girl.  
"You like Chuck?"

"Yeah, we're friends," she says, plain and simple.

Sarah chuckles, even as James sends her a wise, knowing look.  
"Well, that's good. I'm glad you like your neighbor,"

Slipping her hand into Amy's once more, she sends her a smile.  
"Come on, bug, let's get you more candy,"

"Yay!" Amy cheers, doing a little dance, and with a laugh Sarah turns around, letting Amy lead the way.

"See you later, James. Thanks for the candy."

"No problem." He salutes, and Sarah smiles, as Amy heads back toward the elevator, bouncing happily.

They make their way through the neighbors happily enough, the young couple at the end of the hall fawning over Amy and her costume matching Sarah's, the old guy next to them being a little gruff but handing Amy a bunch of Hershey kisses anyway, Mrs O'Leary giving them some homemade brownies decorated with spooky cake toppers. And then, somehow quickly, they find themselves at Chuck's door. End of the line. Sarah pretends she doesn't hesitate before knocking, but she does.

They haven't seen him since that day at the Buy More, with the lunch, when Sarah had realized quite what they must look like, appear to be, what they could slip into being. And afterwards, thinking on it, Sarah had decided to do, well, absolutely nothing. To not actually do anything, to not actively go to Chuck, but to not ignore him, either. Because she knows how much Amy likes him, adores him, really, loves seeing him and spending time with him, and whatever Sarah may feel she knows she can't get in the way of that, one way or another. It wouldn't be fair to Amy, and to Chuck too, she supposes, to just cut them off. And if she's honest, it wouldn't be fair to her. Because Chuck is a friend, someone she can trust, talk to, laugh with, and she likes spending time with him. And his friends and family, too; though she hasn't called Ellie yet, her number is still in her phone to call if she wants someday, and Sarah plans to call. She wants to hang out with Ellie, chat, get a break. No matter her confusion, her feelings, her determination to stay distanced for Amy's sake so they don't get let down and hurt yet again, so they don't put themselves at risk, no matter that, she also can't deny herself a friend.

And so she shakes her head, and knocks.

The door opens after a few beats, and Chuck stands on the other side, wearing jeans and a t-shirt with a cartoon pumpkin on it.

"I'm a bug!" Amy squeals, apparently skipping hellos and even trick or treats, and Chuck blinks as he looks at them both before his face melts into a grin.

"Oh this is adorable." he says, looking them both up and down.

Amy shakes her head, though, bowl eyes glinting in the light.  
"No, I'm a bug and Mommy's a scary spider who eats me."

"Yeah, I, uh, I can see that," He chuckles, reaching past the door and producing a big orange bucket, then crouching down and letting Amy grab a big handful of candy. She stuffs it in her bag with a giggle, but Chuck keeps holding the bowl, and sends her a smirk. "You can take a couple more, Amy-bug,"

"Really?" she asks, even as she reaches out for another giant handful that Sarah knows will barely fit in her already-overflowing bag. Chuck just nods, though, laughs a little.

"Yeah! You're probably the last person to come trick or treating here before I head out, anyway,"

"You're going out?" Sarah asks, and he looks back up to her, nodding, shrugging.

"El's annual Halloween party. I was gonna invite you guys, but there's a lot of punch, and..." He trails off, shrugs again. "I also haven't seen you much recently."

She tries not to bite her lip at his awkward little smile, fights back the guilty blush. Because she knows why they haven't seen each other much recently, it's been because of her, and though she's hardly kept away from their neighbor she also hasn't done much to see him. He'd seemed to pick up that something was off with her, that day the other week, and if he's put that together with her being a little distant, then Sarah can only imagine what he must be thinking. She swallows, wondering what to say, where to go, but Amy just huffs.

"I _know_ ," the little girl says, dramatically. "It's been forever."

He chuckles, but before he can speak again Amy throws herself forward and hugs him, and Sarah just smiles. Evidently, Amy had been missing Chuck without even saying it. She holds back that guilt, once more. She's trying to keep them from being hurt, but at this moment, it feels like staying back might hurt them just as much.

"Thank you, Amy," Chuck says, causing the three-year-old to giggle as she predictably does with him, by now. She pulls back and he pokes one of her extra limbs. "I love your costumes, you should get a photo of that,"

"Mommy already gots a lotta pictures of me."

"Did you get one together? I-I mean, I could take one, if you want." He offers, sounding a little hesitant—not at what he's offering, but that he's offering it. "Just seems a shame when you're matching like that, and when you both look so great,"

Amy looks back toward Sarah, eyes wide and blinking adorably.  
"Can we, Mommy, can we?"

She chuckles, forever swayed by her daughter's sweetness.  
"Okay, baby, sure."

"Hold on," Chuck grins, heads back into his apartment, coming back with a digital camera fancier than Sarah's own. Amy waits patiently as Sarah readjusts the bowl-eyes on her little head, fluffs the fake arms, then smooths down her own dress.

"How do I look?" she asks, and Amy nods.

"Pretty, Mommy."

She grins, but when she turns back to Chuck he's just watching, blinking, before he shakes his head.  
"Alright, spider queen and Amy-bug, you ready?"

Amy nods, decided, and Sarah chuckles, stepping her back a little so they're standing in front of their own apartment door, while Chuck stays back in his own. He takes a couple of them posed like that, before Amy suddenly jumps up into her mother's arms, and Sarah laughs into Amy's curls as the little girl roars.

"I don't think bugs roar, Ames," she murmurs, but Amy just shrugs.

"But I'm an Amy-bug."

Chuck laughs, leaning in his doorway.  
"You're right there," he says, voice low and warm. He switches the camera off, then folds his arms across his chest, grins. "So, what are your plans for the rest of Halloween?"

"Candy!" Amy says, grinning. "And mummies."

Chuck quirks an eyebrow at that, and Sarah shrugs.

"I found a recipe online, hot dogs wrapped in pastry with a gap for the face look like a mummy,"

"Wow, I should let Ellie know about that," He chuckles, and she smirks a little.

"It's high-brow party stuff, I know. I've got spiders in ice cubes, too, if you wanna tell her. Moms sites have all the best ideas for making something out of completely unrelated things," She snorts, and he laughs, and though Amy definitely doesn't understand she giggles too, apparently just happy to join in. When they quiet, though, and the air sits, Sarah sets Amy back down on the ground, pats her plastic eyes. "We should let Chuck get to his party, Ames, and you can have some of your candy."

Though Amy pouts, she nods at the same time, the candy evidently swaying her.  
"Thank you for the candy, Chuck," she repeats, politely, and Sarah grins, looking up at Chuck.

"Yes, thank you. Have fun at the party- Oh, and tell Ellie I said hi. I keep meaning to call her to work out a day to have coffee but, y'know..." She waves at Amy, who blinks unknowingly.

Chuck smirks.  
"Yeah, I get it. I'll tell her, though."

"Thanks." she says, smiling. He does the same, but says nothing, and silence fills the air once more. "Well, have a nice night,"

"You too," He nods, looking like he wants to say something else. After a beat, though, he just presses his lips together, and nods. "Happy Halloween, Amy-bug,"

Amy grins, wiggling her various arms again.  
"Happy Halloween, Chuck!"

"Bye, Sarah," he murmurs, and she smiles, nodding, before stepping into her apartment. Amy follows happily, chatting about how much she's looking forward to dinner.

* * *

"That took me so long!" Amy says, flopping back against the couch cushions and patting her stomach contentedly.

"Yeah, baby, three days was super slow," Sarah murmurs, heavy on the sarcasm that her daughter misses. Amy just nods, hopping off the couch and depositing her last candy wrapper in the trash. When she wanders back, she jumps up right next to Sarah, cuddling in and looking up at her.

"Can we have hot chocolate? Please?"

Sarah chuckles, shaking her head.  
"You just ate all that candy! Do you really want some hot chocolate now?" She tickles Amy's side, and the little girl squeals and wriggles away for a moment before cuddling back up to her.

"Yeah. We haven't had hot chocolate for _ages_."

It has been a while, Sarah supposes. Sighing a little, but not really meaning it, since she wouldn't mind some cocoa right now, she looks down at Amy, raises an eyebrow.  
"And a movie, too?"

"Mmhm?"

"Sure, baby, you're right, it's been too long. Why don't you go pick the DVD, okay?"

With a giggle, Amy runs up to the TV, tugging open the cabinet doors and pulling out her box of DVDs, purple and specially marked with her name. Just as she starts going through them, though, a knock sounds out on the door, and Sarah frowns, checking her watch. It's 7pm, pretty late, so she's not sure who could be there. Standing, she sees Amy eyeing her questioningly, and smooths down her hair.

"Keep looking, bug, I'll see who it is,"

Amy nods, and Sarah steps past her, walking round to the door. When she looks through the peephole, she's not really surprised to see Chuck, even if she hadn't quite expected him tonight; her neighbor is about the only person who might come by at all, let alone at this time. The envelope that she can see in his hands, however, is surprising.

She pulls open the door, sees him grin right away.

"Hey." he murmurs, soft as ever, nose crinkling a little with his smile. Just as she always feels she has to, she smiles right back.

"Hey. What can we do for you?"

"I, uh, I got something for you," he says, waving the envelope, but a gasp sounds from behind Sarah and she smirks before the outburst occurs, steps back pre-emptively.

"Chuck!"  
Amy runs up, squeezes past Sarah's legs and looks up at Chuck with a grin, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet.

"Hey, Amy-bug!" he says, and Amy giggles, leaping up at him. Sarah's impressed when Chuck manages to crouch down just in time, meeting Amy in mid-air and chuckling as she tackles him in a hug. He stands due to the awkward posture, still with the little girl in his arms, and despite herself Sarah has to smile at the sight.

"You can call me bug." Amy says. "Mommy does."

Chuck looks Sarah's way, gaze questioning, but she just raises her eyebrows and sends him a look back, implying there's nothing she can do anyway. What Amy wants, Amy very often gets, when her demands aren't too crazy.

"Alright, bug." He nods, like it sounds right. Somehow, it does. "Can- can I come in?"

"Sure," Sarah says, stepping back, letting him into the apartment, and he moves toward the couch, popping Amy down on the sofa before lifting up the envelope, still in his hands. He hands it over, then folds his arms, twisting his lips a little awkwardly. He's nervous, Sarah thinks. Or uncomfortable. Or maybe both, for some reason.  
She sends him a curious glance as she slips open the paper, peeks inside, tugs out the contents.

"Oh." she murmurs, when she sees what's in her hand.

"I- You never asked for them. And there wasn't much point in me just having them, y'know? So I printed them on the photo printing service at the Buy More, I thought you'd probably want them."

She looks up from the photographs, printed and neat and shiny, of her and Amy standing outside their apartment, dressed in their Halloween costumes. There's a few, some of them smiling, a couple of Sarah chuckling into Amy's hair, Amy growling at the camera, mouth wide open.

"Thank you," She smiles, and he grins tentatively.

"I-I hope they're okay."

"No, they're great, honestly. I hadn't got any of mine printed yet, so they're brilliant. And they're outside our apartment, I haven't even taken any pictures of us out there." She shakes her head. "Thanks for bringing these, Chuck, really."

He rubs the back of his neck as he smiles, looking a little embarrassed. She realizes that he might've thought bringing these here was overstepping, a little, that perhaps she should have asked for them rather than him just doing it all of his own volition. But Halloween had been so busy, these past few days too, she'd honestly forgotten. Chuck, though, remembered.  
"It's okay," he mumbles, and she chuckles softly.

Amy shuffles forward on the couch, apparently feeling left out.  
"What is it?"

"It's pictures, baby, of us on Halloween, look," She perches on the coffee table, handing the photographs over, and Amy looks at them with a grin.

"I look silly," she says, giggling, and Chuck snorts.

"Nah, you're just the cutest bug,"

She beams at that, looking proud and a little shy, then hands the photographs back to Sarah. She eyes them for a moment before grinning.

"Do you wanna go get me the photo albums, Ames? I think the last one has a couple free spaces left,"

Nodding enthusiastically, Amy hops down, wandering off to her room where her various photo books are, going from all her baby pictures to the most recent collection. While she's gone, Sarah sits on the couch, looking through Chuck's photographs once more. They really are adorable, and when she sees moments like these, documented for all time, she can't help but be incredibly grateful for what she has. Maybe this path wasn't the one she was destined to be on, but it's the one she's found herself walking, and she loves it. It's the best thing that ever happened to her. It saved her from a lifetime of being ungrounded, uncertain, unsafe. Of taking orders from the man who drew her into the CIA in the first place, of being unquestioning, even when her own morality would question her actions. Things were starting to go south when she quit, missions getting longer and darker, more and more murky, but god knows where they'd be now. Where she'd be now. What she might have done.

Pulling herself from her head, she finds Chuck still standing awkwardly by the couch, arms folded again, looking around. He frowns when he sees the box of DVDs sitting in front of the television.

"Sorry, I interrupted something, didn't I?"

She shrugs. It's okay that he's here, really, not just because he brought the photographs, but also in general. The things she and Amy do together are only limited to the two of them because there's nobody else to be there.  
"We were just gonna start a movie and have some cocoa, nothing big. It's kind of our thing, to unwind, Amy loves it." She smiles as she thinks about it. "We actually did it the first night we moved in here, right after meeting you,"

He grins, in that warm way he does.  
"It sounds like an awesome tradition."

"What's tradition?" Amy asks, voice muffled, and they both turn to see the little girl slowly walking through, carrying a stack of photo albums so big she can barely peek over the top. Sarah winces. She should've specified they need just the newest one.

Chuck turns, and since he's near he leans forward and grabs the majority of the books before they fall.  
"Your mom was just telling me how you have cocoa and watch movies sometimes," he says kindly, carefully setting the various photo albums on the coffee table, and Sarah smirks as she leans forward and grabs the most recent one, the one with empty slots at the end.

"Ooh! Amy turns Sarah's way before she can deal with the photos, a frequent planning look in her little eye. "Mommy, can Chuck stay and have hot chocolate and watch Herc' with us?"

Chuck freezes, looking at them both, awkwardly.  
"Oh, Amy, that's your thing with your mom, I wouldn't wanna..."

"You can stay if you want." Sarah says, before she can stop herself. It's their tradition, sure, but as she'd just been thinking, it's only because there's never anyone else with them who could watch a movie with them. She'd also quite like him to stay. Chuck blinks, and she lifts a shoulder, smiles. "I've got enough cocoa for three, it's up to you."

He still looks uncertain, and awkward, but he looks at Amy, still holding one photo book, blinking expectantly, and he crumbles.  
"Sure." Though Sarah couldn't quite see, she senses Amy put on the puppy dog eyes, at maximum efficiency.

"Only if you want to." she says, checking he isn't forcing himself into a night he won't enjoy. But he just shakes his head.

"No, no, I'd like to. I love Hercules, actually, totally underrated in the canon."

She chuckles, flipping open the album in her lap.  
"Okay. Let me just do this, and we can get started." She slips the new photographs into their slots, leaving one of the doubles left loose in the book, to maybe slip into a frame, or give to her mom for Christmas.

As she goes to set the album down, though, Amy scrambles up onto the couch next to her, wielding that last book in her hands, still.  
"Mommy I wanna look at the pictures!" she says, excitedly, and Sarah chuckles, seeing that Amy's clutching her first baby album. "Chuck, they're me!"

He smirks.  
"Okay, well- oof—" Having reached out, Amy tugs on his arm repeatedly, and Chuck half-sits half-falls onto the seat cushion by her side. Sarah sighs, sends her daughter a warning look.

"Please don't keep pulling on Chuck, okay, baby? You could just ask him to sit next to you."

"Okay." Amy says with a fairly non-committal shrug, before tapping the photographs again. "But I wanna see the pictures!"

With a kind eyeroll, Sarah opens the album, and Amy immediately starts pointing at photos of a newborn her, all pink and sleepy, the tiniest little thing.

"Tell the story 'bout this one!" she says, pointing at a photograph of her lying in a bassinet, and Sarah smirks. She knows Amy's playing up for the audience of Chuck, big time, but she'll indulge her, since they haven't gone through this routine since they moved.

"That was the day you came home from the hospital," she murmurs, and Amy giggles. Sarah flips to the picture before. "That's you all tiny in your car seat."

"Wow. You got so big, bug," Chuck says, tickling Amy's side, and she squeals as Sarah flicks to another photograph in the book, one that was taken by a nurse in the hospital. It's coming up on four years ago, now, but Sarah still remembers the moment clear as day. Being so exhausted, drained, everything a dull ache, her hair gross and tied back, face stripped of makeup, but also feeling alive, brilliant, so filled with love, because of the tiny little girl in her arms. The nurse had offered to take a picture, and looking back, she's so glad she accepted.

"Heh." Amy says, and Sarah smiles, looking to her. But when she sees Chuck behind her, her smile fades a little. Because his eyes are glued to the page, wide, until he must notice her watching him because he looks her way instead. When she meets his eyes, she sees the variety of emotions swirling there, and she suddenly finds herself trying not to gasp. And, she realizes, she often has to do that when she sees him, often has to try and stay controlled. Because the man seems to carry his heart, his thoughts, his emotions, all within his eyes, and in them she can see absolutely everything he's feeling. What she sees now, the sheer amount of warmth, of affection, of awe, she can't even contemplate.

And so she looks away, clears her throat, tries to move on.  
"Yeah, well Mommy was a little tired then, let's look..." She flips to the other half of the book as she finds the photo she's looking for. "Here."

"I like this one!"

"I know," Sarah murmurs, smiling at the photograph. It's one of both of their favorites.

"When was this?" Chuck asks, and she keeps her eyes on the page as she replies.

"It was the first time I took Amy to my mom's, when she was three months old. I was still so tired from the sleepless nights, and then suddenly having someone there to help out, and knowing I didn't need to be awake all the time, I just... passed out," She chuckles, seeing her sleeping self, curled up in an armchair, Amy equally asleep on her chest.

When she looks at Chuck, his eyes are swirling again, but this time he just shakes his head, looking stunned.

She just sends him a quick, brief, smile, and turns back to the album, flicking through a few more photographs before Amy starts to get bored.

"Alright, we'll look at the rest another time. Who wants hot chocolate and Hercules?"

"Me!" the little girl says, dragging the word out and waving her arms, and Chuck grins.

"Me, I would also like that. D'you need me to do anything?"

"No, it's okay, but thank you," Sarah says, meaning it. Her neighbor is always so thoughtful, so kind, thinking of ways to try and help out, lend a hand. "Ames, why don't you tell Chuck what you did at daycare today?"

As they chat, Amy saying about the trip the daycare had taken the kids on and then Chuck talking about his long work shift today, Sarah moves to the stove, heating milk in a pan and reaching for the hot chocolate powder. She makes it up herself, from one of the few recipes her mother could give her from her childhood, and Sarah still finds it as good as she found it age 5.

When the cocoa is made, she heads back to the living room, finding Chuck has set up the DVD in the middle of his conversation with Amy, and he sends her a sheepish grin. Work habits, she supposes.

And so they settle in, Chuck on one side of the couch, Sarah on the other, Amy in the middle, gleefully singing along with every song.

* * *

When the credits roll, Sarah is surprised to find not one, but two sleeping people upon her couch. Amy had fallen asleep before the last half hour of the movie- not really surprising, since thanks to Chuck's arrival they hadn't started the film until later than planned, and with her trip today Amy was destined for an early night anyway. Tomorrow's Saturday, at least, so she won't need to wake early. Chuck, however, is a little more unexpected to Sarah. He's still in his work uniform, and she suspects he'd come to theirs straight from the Buy More, apart from maybe stopping by his apartment to drop off the bag and windbreaker she knows he sports most days. But thanks to his conversation with Amy, Sarah's aware Chuck started work early to open up the store, and he hadn't finished until late, so she guesses the day as a whole caused him to crash in the middle of a Disney movie at only 8:30pm, and not stir even now.

And, to top it all off, Amy has fallen asleep with her head on Chuck's shoulder, and Chuck's temple is resting on top of her head, while his legs stay stretched out, feet propped up on a footstool Sarah sometimes keeps to sit Amy on if she's brushing her hair in here. It is, in no short words, an adorable sight. And with the many photos still stacked in books next to her, it gives Sarah an idea, one that she just can't quash.  
And so she silently slips through into her room, tugs her camera out of her drawer, and moves back into the living room, snapping a picture of her two sleeping companions.

She lowers the camera, flipping through to the shot, and smiling instinctively at it. As she looks at it closer, though, feels the weight of the camera still in her hands, she can't help but think of that photograph her mother had taken of her, where Sarah was out cold just like Chuck is now, where Amy was similarly asleep. But instead of the warmth she'd expected to fill her at such a moment as this, a longing spikes in her instead, an ache. Because this is what she could've had. This is what she _should've_ had. A person she cares for, asleep on the couch, her daughter sleeping on them by their side. It could've been Amy's father. Sarah wishes yet again that she'd had that chance, to know if he would've wanted this. She could never presume he would, but she still dreams, still hopes, he would have. Would've been a part of their lives. Would've been the one to take a photograph of Sarah in the hospital, holding their so so new daughter, would've been the one to snap a shot of her passed out, the baby a couple months old. Would've been there through it all, would've been there in this moment, sleeping through a Disney movie with his daughter.

And instead, Sarah has Chuck. He's here, he's the one bringing her pictures he's taken of her and Amy, he's the one asleep on her couch. He's the one who sends her looks full of awe and affection and sorrow and longing, across old photographs of her. He's the one who looks at her like she's the only person in the room, only person in the world, other than Amy. Because he's great with her too, wonderful, makes her laugh and calls her nicknames and gets tackled in her hugs.

And Sarah's been pushing him away.

This wonderful, caring man, who's been nothing but respectful and friendly and honest, and she's been keeping her distance, so blatantly he seems to know it. She knows, even, that if she told him she didn't want to see him anymore, he'd keep away. That if she told him they could only be friends, that's all she's interested in, he'd be respectful as ever and wouldn't push her one bit. Because he hasn't taken a single step forward the whole time she's known him, really- it's been Amy, making him visit, grabbing his attention, inviting him to stay, showing him things that lead to those quiet private wanting looks. He'd invited her to his party, but at the end of that night he'd run from her just like she's so often run from him too. If she asked him, he'd go.

But she can't ask him that, never, because more than anything, Sarah knows she wouldn't be able to. She wouldn't be able to say it; wouldn't be able to ask him to stay away. It would break Amy's heart, even after knowing him such a short space of time, but honestly, Sarah knows she needs him here, too, herself. For her. Like when he'd been able to watch Amy, and had done so at the drop of a hat, right in at the deep end. When he'd introduced her to his friends, family, and she'd had the most normal, adult, night of her life. When he just makes her smile.  
And despite that, she knows she can't become anything more. Not when he's messing with her head this much without even knowing it, not when New York still stings. Staying neighbors, staying friends, that keeps what they are right now, not changing a thing. Not risking a thing. And that's exactly what Sarah needs.

Even if, right now, while deciding to stay as they are, a large part of her longs for moments like this to mean more. For Chuck to really be here, with her, to be like a father to Amy, to be that guardian sleeping by her side, to be here for more moments of silly loving exhaustion. Even if, thinking it through right now, she's instantly questioning herself again. Even if she's known him just a few months, and yet somehow, incredibly, she likes him this much already that she's thinking these things.

She sets down the camera, shakes his shoulder gently, and he starts, not enough to jostle or wake Amy, but enough.

"Sarah?" he murmurs, frowning a little.

Thoughts still deep and heavy, she takes a controlling breath, thankfully aided by his goofy expression. He's looking at her like she's got two heads.  
"You fell asleep in the movie. I just need to get Amy to bed, I'll be right back."

He blinks, still looks confused, but she moves past him and gently shakes Amy until the little girl's eyes peel open.

"Bed, baby. I guess we're skipping bath time, but you need to brush your teeth and get your jammies on."

"Okay." she says, sleepily, standing and rubbing at her eyes, and she turns to Chuck, looking confused that he's here. Funnily enough, her bewildered expression pretty much matches his.

"Say goodnight to Chuck," Sarah prompts, and Amy smiles, albeit groggily.

"G'night, Chuck,"  
She falls onto him for a heavy-limbed hug, which Chuck returns with a murmured goodnight of his own, before Amy steps back, slipping her hand into Sarah's and walking slowly through to the bathroom.

They wash up and Amy brushes her teeth quickly enough, barely waking much more, and when Sarah starts slipping the little girl's pajamas on, Amy blinks, confused.  
"Is Chuck staying? Like a sleepover?"

Trying not to choke at the question, Sarah coughs out a laugh.  
"No, Ames, he'll go back to his apartment in a little while. I just want to say goodnight to him."

She nods.  
"Okay."

"Alrighty, into bed." As the little girl clambers up, Sarah reaches for Dog, and tucks him under Amy's arm before pulling the covers up. "You need a story?" She knows by Amy's slow blinks, even if the answer is yes, she won't last the first page.

Thankfully, Amy shakes her head, sighing out a heavy breath.  
"G'night, Mommy," she whispers. "Love you,"

"I love you too. Night, Ames." she murmurs, leaning forward and kissing Amy's forehead before pulling back. She leaves the nightlight on and lightly walks out of the room, leaving the door just ajar. When she looks back, Amy is already asleep.

Once more taking a deep breath, she walks back through to the living room, finding Chuck still on the couch, right where she'd left him. He's sitting forward now, though, elbows on his knees, hands on the back of his head, frame tense, and the sight is startling.

"Chuck? Are you okay?"

He jolts, jumps, really, looks back toward her with wide eyes before realization dawns and he relaxes.  
"Yes. Yeah, sorry, I'm fine, I was just thinking. God, you scared me,"

She breathes a laugh, keeps it light so he doesn't think she's laughing at him.  
"Sorry. Three and a half years with a kid, I walk pretty quietly." That, and she's naturally silent due to inherent spy training, but she doesn't mention that.

He smiles, but it seems half-hearted, somehow. Like she can see the exhaustion in his bones, but she doesn't quite think that's due to his long shift today. Whatever he'd been thinking when she surprised him, it had him deep into his thoughts. She moves past him, briefly, to pick up the hot chocolate mugs and take them through to the kitchen, but she pauses before she leaves.

"D'you want another drink? Something... stronger? I usually have wine on a Friday night once Amy's in bed, end of the week."

Though he pauses, licks his lips in thought, a strange look comes upon his face, one she can't uncover. He nods.  
"Yeah... That would be great, thanks,"

Smiling what she hopes is reassuringly, she nods, moving to the kitchen and reaching for the wine.  
"Red or white? Or beer?"

A soft chuckle comes from the couch, but where she stands, she can only see the back of Chuck's head.  
"Uh, white, please,"

"White it is." she murmurs, pouring them a generous glass of wine each before heading back around to the couch, handing Chuck his glass before sitting down, slipping into the corner of the couch, taking a sip.

Chuck does the same, then worries his lip a little.  
"I'm sorry I fell asleep during the movie. The Buy More was busy, today just... knocked me out. Then coming here, Amy's always got so much energy she makes me feel tired just looking at her." He smirks, and she grins, knowing exactly how he feels.

"Well, you saw the pictures of me, so you'll know I agree with you there,"

He smiles, but then seems to sober a little.  
"Yeah." That look gets in his eye again, that one she can't quite understand, and she changes the subject to the first thing she can think of, leans forward and sets down her wine.

"D'you want to see more? I went a little snap-happy Amy's first year, filled three of these books." He chuckles, nods, and she grabs one of the albums, checking the sticker she'd stuck on the spine and seeing it's the later of the three newborn ones, where Amy's almost one. Smirking to herself, she flicks to one of the last pictures in the set, then hands the book over to Chuck. "Her first steps."

His eyes widen as he senses the importance of that, and he takes the album as he looks down at it.  
"Wow. God, her hair!" he says, pointing at the unruly curls atop the baby in the picture's head.

"I know. She's had those curls forever, I have no idea where they came from."

He snorts, points at his own hair.  
"My parents didn't know either. My mom had a perm a lot when I was born, but that was more timing and styling than anything I could inherit,"

She giggles at that, struck by the ease she feels with him again. They seem to slip from easy conversation to much more weighted moments, right back to the ease, right back to the tension, over and over. Leaning in a little, she taps the picture.

"I was so torn between getting a photo and video I got both. The video's saved on three different thumb drives, but luckily she stayed upright long enough for me to get a picture too. She's basically been running everywhere since then."

He smiles, turns to another photograph, which Sarah sees is one she took of herself and Amy. She remembers taking it; awkwardly turning the camera around and upside down to hit the button easier. She's planting a kiss on Amy's cheek as the then ten-month-old grins, a few teeth showing. They're in the park on a bright sunny day. It's always been one of her favorites.

"That's a good one," Chuck murmurs, and Sarah smiles.

"Yeah, it's on my desk at work, with a couple of newer photos too. I might have to put a certain Halloween picture up now, though,"

He sends her a shy, almost disbelieving look, and she tries not to nudge him in annoyance. She loves those shots, loves that he came by to give them to her, and he keeps seeming to think they're not very good, or that he shouldn't have done that.  
Instead of calling him out on it, she leans forward, picks up the camera she'd set on the coffee table before moving Amy to bed.

"Speaking of photographs... I was a little sneaky before you woke up," She clicks through the menu to the camera roll, selecting the first picture there, the one she just took.

Chuck frowns, brow furrowing.  
"Have I had a mustache drawn on my face this whole time? No, Amy would've said something." He reaches for the camera. "What is it th- Oh."

"You made quite the pair," she jokes, and Chuck sniffs a laugh.

"Yeah, we did."

Though his tone is light, when he hands her back the camera the smile he sends her is too tight, too false, and she sighs, putting the camera down and reaching for her wine again, taking a steadying sip.  
Because now she knows, they have to talk. This can't go on. She steadies herself, takes a deep breath, and looks at him, straight.

"Chuck, I know that this is... an unusual, situation. We came into your life, or, or you came into ours, so suddenly, and we haven't known you long, but Amy thinks you're amazing, and you're great with her, and you're great to have around. We- neither of us, have ever really known anyone like you." He blinks, apparently lost for words, and Sarah dives back into it for lack of anything else to do. This sort of thing, talking about important moments, even when it's not in a romantic way, has never been something she's good at. Sharing feelings just isn't her strong suit, that's partly why her relationship with her mother is still so strained. But she doesn't want that with Chuck, she wants this to work. "But I also know that... this is kind of weird. I mean, Amy doesn't see it, but I do, and you do. It's strange, to just see each other every now and then, but because we live opposite each other, it's like we skipped a step in being friends, now Amy's just showing you baby photos and she's falling asleep on your shoulder. But, you're also a big part of her life now, of our lives, and I wouldn't wanna stop that. Because I also think this is... working? Or it could work?"

With that, he snaps out of it.  
"Yeah, I, I think so too." he murmurs, with a tentative smile.

"Okay." She grins. "It's just, we need stability, right now, Amy needs stability. And as, as fun as this is, nights like this, or having lunch and meeting you at work, it's also gonna get hard on her, because she's gonna think that's something we can do all the time, and it's not."

"I get that, I do. I just... What if we made this a regular thing?" She raises an eyebrow, and he winces. "Too much?"

"No, no, it makes sense."

He shakes his head, looking frustrated, then takes his own deep breath.  
"Okay, I'm just gonna... say stuff. Now. I... really like, knowing you two. What you've been through, how amazing Amy is, and how you've raised her, it's... humbling. God, even just those photos tonight. You guys are so incredible, and—and so fun, being around you two makes me have my head on straight- d'you know this past month I've made more progress on my software than in the past year?" She blinks at that. Because how can she not, really, that he's implying she's played a part in that side of his life, in his work, his motivation. He's been working on it for years, he'd said, and doing more and more with it since he'd moved here, but something about her and Amy has helped spur him on, somehow, and that feels kinda big. "And Amy's so, so great and excited, like all the time, I don't think anyone can be around her and not instantly be happy. Even Ellie noticed that I sound happier on days I've hung out with you guys." He grins, and as ever, she returns it, a warm feeling rising within her. As quickly as his smile had come, though, it fades, Chuck sobering once more.

"But I also don't just wanna... come into your life, and cause chaos. Or, or be unwelcome, in moments I shouldn't be, I wouldn't wanna intrude on your lives." He'd never be intruding, she thinks, but he continues before she can say that. "So... if we made something like this a regular thing, and let Amy know, that way she won't start thinking I can be here all the time, but I also won't just..."

She nods her head as he trails off.  
"That sounds good. That- that would work. I mean, I don't want you to not be here." She really, really doesn't want that. "So... Friday night movie nights with Chuck?"

He grins.  
"Okay. I-I mean, I might have to work some nights, but then we can make it up in other ways, y'know?"

"Yeah." She smiles. "It's a deal, then."  
She extends her hand, and he curls his fingers around hers as he shakes her hand briefly, laughing. And for a second, she thinks, that's everything solved.

But his skin sparks against hers mid-shake, his touch soft, and she swears their palms mold together perfectly, swears his fingers curl round hers like it's somehow meant to be.  
And she knows that, though in some ways they've worked things out, in others they are still very much in deep. And she just has to hope she'll stay afloat.

* * *

 **a/n 2:** Friday night movie nights with Chuck. So cute. These two are both a little reluctant to jump off the deep end, here (why are so many relationship metaphors water-related?), but the fun thing is, Amy in all her persistent cuteness keeps dragging them there anyways. If you enjoyed this chapter, please leave a review on your way out! I'd love to hear from you. See you in a few days for Chapter 7, 'The Twist'. Oh yeah. It's time to shake things up a bit.

-Kiera :)


	7. The Twist

**summary:** Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they find a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

 **a/n:** And here we all are for Chapter 7. Fun fact, this chapter was actually initially two chapters, but the first was pretty much all filler and delaying all these events, so I cut out the unnecessary parts and smushed it together with the next, which is far more important to the rest of the story. I've said to a few people in replies and stuff, but this story has a secondary arc, and that starts right about now. Those of you who have been curious about Sarah's past in New York, you'll find some answers here, and then some. It's tricky, but I hope you'll trust me enough to get everyone through it just fine. Without further ado, then, here is, the twist.

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Chuck, surprise character appearances, or ambiguous cute racing video games.

* * *

 **The Twist**

"Bye, Sarah," Chris calls, the last of her team leaving for the day. He waves over his shoulder, and Sarah smiles, waving back.

"See you tomorrow, Chris,"

Once he's gone, she cracks her neck, sitting back from her computer and watching as it slowly powers down, a little relievedly. Today was no harder or longer than any other day, but she's glad to be done, even if she's not headed home right away. As she packs up her things, getting ready to leave, she pulls out a compact from her purse and checks her makeup is still relatively decent after the day of work. She's fine, though, which is a strange relief considering she's only going for coffee with a friend once she gets out of here.

She eyes the newest picture on her desk, one from Halloween, as she thinks on her evening to come. It's strange, to be making these kinds of plans again. She'd had friends in New York, but they'd all been coworkers, really, or moms from Amy's moms group. Hanging out had been at work events or parties filled with kids. It feels nice, to get back into spending time with other adults, socializing, just because they want to. And she's glad to have that, even if she's a little apprehensive about spending time with Ellie Bartowski. Sarah had finally found time to call the woman and it had been Ellie's suggestion that they go out for coffee at the end of a day, and Sarah had accepted right away, letting Amy stay at daycare for a couple hours later. She's looking forward to it, hanging out with a friend, or at least someone she hopes will become a friend in the future, but there's still that whisper of anxiety running through her. Because the doctor will no doubt want to talk about her brother, and Sarah will have to say how Chuck now has a permanent feature in her and Amy's life, how Friday night movie nights are now a thing they all do.

They'd had their first proper scheduled one last week, and it had been nice. Amy had been looking forward to it all week, but it had meant when they bumped into Chuck in the hallway on the Wednesday, the little girl hadn't tried to drag him into their apartment to play or bake something or anything else along those lines, because they'd had plans. And that had been a relief to Sarah, really. Because it wouldn't be fair to keep bringing Chuck into their life, filling Amy's head with ideas, making her think he can always be there, will always want to be there.

Structure is key. Structure means it's harder to get hurt.

But Ellie might question that. Sarah knows how protective the woman is of her brother, and she's aware that Ellie likes to meddle- even just the night at his party had shown her that, when Ellie had stepped in, suggested letting Amy sleep in Chuck's guest room so Sarah didn't have to leave early, and Chuck had looked a little awkward. Ellie has Chuck's best interests at heart, clearly, justifiably, and Sarah knows the doctor could bring up Chuck's attachment to Amy, to Sarah, and all too easily question what they're doing and where they stand. And Sarah doesn't know what she can say, what answer she could give.  
She just knows she'd been relieved when Amy had stayed awake during last week's movie, and Chuck hadn't fallen asleep either, so he'd just left before Amy's bedtime and they hadn't sat on the couch and shared wine and long significant looks again. It made it easier to keep a distance.

Sighing, she looks away from the photograph, stands and slips her jacket on, and heads down to her car.  
Ellie had picked a place between her job at the hospital and Sarah's in the office, so the drive doesn't take too long, and after finding a place to park, Sarah heads toward the coffee shop.

When she scans her eyes over the window from across the street, she's pleased to see Ellie already sat at a table in the middle of the store. It looks like a nice place, a little more LA than some places Sarah goes to, but not too niche, so hopefully not too pricey. Crossing the street, she walks up to the store, stepping through the door and seeing how Ellie immediately looks up at her, smiling, warm and welcoming. It must be a Bartowski trait, Sarah thinks, to be able to put you at ease while also making you nervous, probably without even meaning to. Chuck certainly has the same effect on her.

"Hi!" Ellie says, standing and grinning, reaching out, and Sarah finds herself engulfed in a hug before she can even say a word in reply.

"Hi, Ellie, I'll just, um..." She points to the counter and the barista standing there, since Ellie already has a coffee sat on the table. "What's good here?"

"Everything. But if you like caramel macchiatos, the ones here are ten times better than Starbucks,"

She smirks.  
"I'll try that, then." Leaving her coat and purse on her seat, she just takes some cash and quickly gets her drink, heading back to Ellie once she's got it.

"So, how have you been?" The doctor asks, kindly, conversationally. "I know at the party you said you were still adjusting to your job a little, how's that going?"

"Yeah, I think I've got it figured out now, more or less. Everyone I work with is really nice, they listen to me, which is a plus," She chuckles, sipping her admittedly really great coffee, and Ellie grins.

"You were saying it was a step up from what you'd done in New York, right?"

She's not even surprised that Ellie remembered that.  
"Mhm, I hadn't run my own team before, that's partly why I took the job offer out here." Amongst many, many other things. Ellie picks up on what she hasn't said, though, of course, narrowing her eyes a little, curious.

"Partly?"

"I- I don't know if Chuck's told you anything?" Ellie shakes her head, smiling reassuringly, and Sarah nods, ready to tell the story again. Funnily enough, much like with Chuck, she doesn't mind telling Ellie this. She trusts the other woman not to judge her, not to shower her with false, insincere sympathy. "There was a guy, in New York, my ex. We dated for almost a year, when Amy was still pretty young. And he cheated on me, a lot, it turns out, so I left him, told him he could never see Amy again. But he worked at the company I was with, and though we weren't in the same building, and he started... working abroad, all my coworkers knew him, they knew we'd broken up. I stuck it out for a few months, tried to make it work, but..." She shakes her head, and Ellie furrows her brow.

"That's terrible." she murmurs, and Sarah shrugs.

"Yeah. It could've been worse, I guess, he wasn't that close to Amy and she never really warmed to him, not like she warms to... well, a lot of people now. Moving here did us both good, I think." Ellie smiles, a glint in her eye, but Sarah keeps going, moves very much past that. "I said it to Chuck when I told him the story, but I was naïve, back then. I didn't grow up in a very stable home, and I wanted Amy to get what I didn't. I was so eager to have... security, and a family- someone there to be a father to Amy, and someone for me too, that when I saw the signs I didn't do anything. Even if he hadn't cheated on me, we still weren't that good together, really."

Ellie shakes her head, gaze sympathetic—again, Sarah finds, that much like Chuck, the woman carries her emotion in her eyes. It's startling.  
"Sarah, it's not foolish to want someone to be with."

"I know. But I learned, Amy and I are good by ourselves."

Though the doctor smiles again, it's a little sadder this time.  
"I'm still glad you have friends here. You've got me, and Devon too. And you've definitely got Chuck," Sarah raises her eyebrows at that, and Ellie shrugs, a somewhat unapologetic look in her eyes. "That might've been a little much, but you do. He's been so much happier, these past couple months since he met you two. I might've got him out of his funk and he might've moved out and started working on his software and things again, but there's a difference between getting it together and actually being happy."

Just nodding at that, and not acknowledging quite what that may mean, Sarah sips her coffee.  
"I think he's good for us, too," she admits, before realizing how that sounds. "For Amy."

"Yeah, Chuck said something about watching a movie with you guys the other week?" Ellie says, thankfully not pressing the slip.

Despite herself, Sarah grins. She just can't help it.  
"Chuck came over for something else, just after Halloween, and Amy wanted him to stay for our movie night. We've, uh, we decided to make it a weekly thing. It makes it a little easier for Amy to realize Chuck can't be there all the time, but this way she still gets to see him. Stability is fine but I didn't want to stop something that makes her happy just so she keeps a routine." She rubs her temple briefly, sends a wry smile Ellie's way. "I never thought having a child would lead to so much planning. Does that sound bad?"

Ellie chuckles softly, shakes her head.  
"No. Honestly, Sarah, you've got an amazing daughter. She's kind, she's super smart, you're evidently doing something right. A lot right." Sarah flushes, takes a sip of her coffee again, but Ellie just keeps looking at her, sobering. "Seriously, you raised her just by yourself?"

She arches an eyebrow.  
"Chuck didn't say?"

"I know my brother, he wouldn't have thought it his place." Of course he wouldn't. "He just mentioned things hadn't been too simple for you." Of course he did. Sweet, ridiculous man.

"Oh." She swallows, shrugs, and repeats the tale she's told so often. "I don't mind, it is what it is. Amy's father died before she was born, he never even knew I was pregnant. We- we barely knew each other. And like I said, I'm not that close to my parents, I didn't want to go back to my mother just for her to help with Amy. So, yeah, I did it by myself."

"Wow. That's... a lot." Ellie says, then immediately pulling a face like she realizes what that might sound like, but Sarah doesn't mind.

"It's not that big a deal, a lot of parents do it," she says, on default.

Ellie waves a hand, smirking a little.  
"Yeah, but I'm not having coffee with all of them, I'm having coffee with you. And you've done a great job, especially with everything you've gone through." She shakes her head, then grins again. "I'm glad you called, though, I actually have something to ask you."

Though an immediate suspicious sense rises in her, unabating, Sarah nods.  
"Yeah?"

"Have you got any plans for Thanksgiving?"

"What?" she asks, wondering where that came from, until it suddenly hits her that it's mid-November, and the holiday must only be next week. She usually spends the day wrapped up with Amy on the couch, watching the parade then movies, and attempting but always failing to make a proper meal, turkey, stuffing, sides. But they have no plans outside of that, nothing Sarah would be averse to stopping. She realizes Ellie's just waiting, and blinks. "Oh, no, nothing, really. I spent it with my mother when Amy was seven months, but it was just..." She waves a hand, and Ellie smiles.

"Well, if you want to come to our place, we'd love to have you and Amy over. Chuck'll be there, and Morgan, unfortunately," Sarah can't help but laugh at that, and Ellie grins. "But I wanted to invite you. It'd be nice to spend some time together again, especially over the holiday,"

"Yeah, we'd love to," She grins at the thought, a proper holiday, spent with friends. "Or, well, I'd love to, and I'm sure Amy will too. She still keeps talking about Dr Ellie,"

Said doctor chuckles, even blushing a little bit.  
"She's very sweet. And I'm not gonna complain at someone of the younger generation wanting to move into the medical profession," She winks, and Sarah chuckles.

"And a dozen other jobs, at the rate she's going," She smirks, finishing her coffee. "So, yeah, Thanksgiving. Do I need to bring anything?"

She grins.  
"Just the two of you. And maybe a dessert, if you really want."

"Alright. Then it's a plan."

They talk a little more, Ellie telling her a tale about a patient she'd dealt with on her night shift the other day, Sarah telling her about Halloween, showing her the picture of her and Amy in their costumes since she might've sneakily used the copier in her office to make a pocket-sized version and keep it in her purse. And then they say goodbye, with next Thursday pencilled in in Sarah's diary.

* * *

"Do we go to Dr Ellie's today?" Amy asks, as they're walking down the hallway. The little girl has asked the same question just about every day since Sarah told her of Ellie's invitation, but it's more cute than annoying. She can't quite remember the last time Amy has been so excited for something, so persistently. Their last movie night with Chuck had consisted solely of talking about it, all the way through Mulan.

"No, baby, that's tomorrow, remember? But, tonight we're gonna make a cake for dessert,"

It's a pie, actually, chocolate filled, and Sarah already has the pastry chilling in the refrigerator, ready to roll out and bake and then fill with thick chocolate. There's not really much Amy can do to help, but she'll want to, and Sarah will let her stir the pot and pat down the pastry in the tin.

Amy cheers, and Sarah chuckles, pulling out her keys and turning them in the lock. As she does so, though, a strange once-familiar feeling runs over her, slipping down her spine, like eyes on her, like there's something she's missing. She looks around instinctively, but there's no one there, nothing at all. The window in the hall isn't even open, no breeze to run over her.

"Mommy?" Amy asks, blinking up at her, and Sarah shakes out of it, grins.

"Sorry. In you go," She pushes the door open and Amy waddles in, undoing her shoes herself and kicking them off, then determinedly unzipping her coat before handing it to Sarah. Taking it after locking the door, she hangs it on a coat hook, followed by her own, trying to shrug off that weird feeling. Perfectly content herself, Amy starts to hum and head toward her room, before pausing and turning back.

"Oh, can I go play?"

Sarah chuckles at her asking, so sweet.  
"Yeah, go play," she murmurs, and Amy skips through to her room. The strange feeling still on her shoulders, Sarah's about to take her own shoes off when a knock sounds on the door, and she freezes. The feeling washes over her again, the sense that she's missing something, that something's about to happen, and she swallows as she walks toward the door once more. Standing on her toes, slowly, as if that would delay anything, she looks through the peephole. And dread spikes through her.

Because there, on the other side of the door, stands her ex.

Taking a deep breath, she undoes the latch, pulls the door open a small amount, looking out but not letting him in.

"What do you want, Bryce?"

"Now, that's not the kindest greeting, Sarah,"  
And with that, Bryce Larkin grins, wide and charming and as annoyingly handsome as ever.

For a stupidly long amount of time, Sarah had thought Bryce too good to be true. The cute, funny, incredibly disarming guy who worked a few offices down from her in the New York branch of the old company she'd worked at, he'd charmed her instantly, talking her into going out for a drink with him after work. She'd dropped the bombshell that she had a child, usually something that instantly made men back off in disinterest, and he'd merely blinked and said it was no big deal. She'd been amazed. Amazed that someone was even interested in her after learning she had a child, something she'd begun to think probably wasn't going to happen again. Setting aside her hesitation then about seeing someone while having a little girl relying on her, they'd started dating after a few weeks, and he'd met Amy a couple of weeks after that.  
Amy had been less than impressed. Sarah should've taken her daughter's reticence as a warning sign.

When she'd first seen the phone calls and the messages, oh so many, she'd overlooked them. She'd wanted to believe she was reading into things, that the person Bryce had been messaging was just a friend, a relative, maybe. But, when they didn't stop, when they included plans to meet and some very not-just-friendly exchanges, she'd confronted Bryce. He'd admitted they were real, and admitted that he'd been seeing someone else for months.

And then he'd, rather melodramatically, told her he worked for the CIA.

Her world had turned upside down.

He'd tried to excuse the texts by explaining that the woman he'd been seeing was the daughter of a terrorist Bryce was trying to pipe for information. He'd told her that he'd been on a deep cover assignment for months, that his job in the office was just a cover job, a place to base himself while the woman worked for a different company next door. He'd slowly seduced her, through various means Sarah knew all too well herself from her time in the agency, then gained a place by the woman's side, and eventually he'd made his way to her father's side too. Apparently, he'd just liked Sarah enough to want to be with her while also doing his job. It was hardly flattering to know.

Back then, she had immediately told him to get out, get away from her child, and to make sure nothing connected to Langston Graham ever got anywhere near her again. And to never come back.

After so long trying to escape it all, start life anew, the spy life had found her all over again. And she'd vowed there and then not to let anyone in, not to let anyone too close, not again. Because she'd been fooled once, by Bryce Larkin's smile, his charm, and it had left her cheated on and alone, feeling ashamed and stupid, with only her daughter by her side. And she swore she'd never be caught again. Never be fooled, again. Her father didn't raise her to be a sucker, after all.

Bryce had tried to apologize, all but grovelled at her feet, but she'd told him that it was a CIA-sanctioned attack that had killed Amy's father, and that she'd done her best to avoid the organization since then. When he still refused to leave, she'd forced him out, and when she went into work the next day she'd discovered he'd left the office. Bitterly, she hadn't even been pleased; it just meant his mission had come to an end, or he'd reached a place in the cover where he was close enough to the mark to visit her whenever, no nearby job necessary.

Sarah had hoped that would be the last time she'd see him. Apparently, miserably, she was wrong.

"Why. Are you here?" she asks, repeating her earlier sentiment but with a cooler, colder tone.

Unfazed, Bryce doesn't even blink.  
"It's a long story- can I come in?"

"No."

" _Sarah_." he says, rolling his eyes, and she sighs, stepping back. She's got all reason to be mad, all reason to want to stay away from him, but she also tries, in general, to not be rude. And she can tell Bryce isn't gonna walk away, won't just leave, and she won't just leave him out in the hall. More in case anyone sees him than anything else.

As soon as he steps in, though, she hears a noise behind her, and she holds her breath.

"Mommy?" Amy calls, still in her room, and Bryce raises an eyebrow.

"Amy's here?"

She sends him a flat, unamused look.  
"Of course Amy's here, Bryce, where else would she be?" She narrows her eyes, thinks on that feeling she'd sensed outside the apartment earlier. "Besides, you know she is, you were watching to see when we came home."

"Huh."  
He seems a little annoyed she'd noticed him, and she resists the urge to smirk victoriously. At least something has gone her way in this, so far.

"I was trained, you know that."

"Mhm, trained by Graham himself." She scowls at him, and he smirks a little. "Relax, I didn't look into your files, if that's what you're wondering."  
It was. His reassurance is anything but comforting.

"Mommy!" Amy calls again, sounding impatient this time, and Sarah glares at Bryce to stay put. She heads into Amy's room, glad the door hasn't been wide open this whole time.

"Yeah, baby?" she asks, keeping her voice light, plastering on a smile. Amy looks over from her collection of toys, currently assembled around her in a circle, and blinks adorably.

"Who you talking to?"

"Nobody, bug, just stay in here, please?" When Amy nods, she sighs in relief.

Heading back out into the apartment, she sees Bryce, of course, having moved despite her glare. He's now leaning against the kitchen counter jauntily, arms folded. Like he's made himself at home when she hasn't even wanted him to.

"Sarah, we need to talk."

She almost retorts that she doesn't need to, she's perfectly fine not talking at all, but she just tenses, shaking her head.  
"Not with Amy here." As Bryce frowns, she reaches for her phone, dialing a number without even looking and turning away. "Please be home, please be home," she murmurs, stopping when the other side picks up.

"Sarah?" Chuck asks, sounding jolly, and she smiles despite herself.

"Hey. Hey-hi."

"What's wrong?" he says, instantly, concern thick in his voice, and she curses his sweetness. His perception.

She sighs, rubs at her forehead.  
"It's, um, my ex is here."

"Are you okay?" he asks, quick to answer once again. His tone is worried and anxious, and it makes him seem even sweeter, somehow.

"I'm fine, it's just, he wants to talk, and I know he won't leave until he does, but I don't want Amy here. Could you-"

"I'll be right over." He hangs up, and when Sarah turns back around she finds Bryce watching her, an eyebrow raised. He opens his mouth to speak, likely to ask who she was talking to, but there's a frantic knock on the door before he can say anything, and she glares at Bryce again as she steps past him, opens the door.

Chuck stands on the other side, eyes full of worry as he looks first at her, takes her in, and then looks behind her, evidently trying to look for Bryce. When he pauses, face falling, and recoils like he's been slapped, Sarah's suddenly aware that there's something big she's missing out on.

"Bryce?" he asks, voice low, hands curling into tense fists at his side. Sarah gapes.

She looks behind her, sees Bryce looking, perhaps entertainingly, a little shocked. A little perturbed. He hasn't got the full grasp of the situation, and Sarah knows he doesn't like it.  
"Chuck?"

Okay, Sarah thinks. So her ex and her... whatever Chuck is, know each other. Know each other well, it seems, but not in a happy sense.

She turns back to Chuck, sees as he stands, chest heavy, and looks like he's about to step forward. But suddenly the tension in him fades, and he turns to Sarah, expression all concern again.

"Where's Amy?" he asks, voice fervent, like it's his only priority, like he's all but forgotten whatever history he has with Bryce.

"Mommy? I can hear- Chuck!" Sarah turns to find Amy stepping out of her room, now grinning and rushing forward, but she must catch sight of the other person intruding here, Bryce, for she grinds to a halt. She stops, looking at Bryce curiously, head titled. "Oh."

Bryce smiles.  
"Hey-"

"Amy, you're gonna go with Chuck for a while, okay?" she interrupts, before Bryce can get more than a word out. "While Mommy talks to her... him." She won't even call Bryce a friend, really. Amy blinks, but nods. "D'you wanna get a couple things, maybe some coloring?"

"Okay!" She grins, then hurries back into her room.

Bryce clears his throat, the air tense between the three of them.  
"So-"

"Don't." Sarah says, shaking her head. Amy comes back a moment later, wandering up to her, arms full of books and crayons, and Sarah crouches down. "We'll just be a little while, okay?"

She nods, reaching up to plant a kiss on Sarah's cheek, and despite the anger she feels, the tension, she still smiles at her daughter's kindness. It just serves to remind her even more why she hates what Bryce did so much, to endanger her sweet, adorable, wonderful little girl, all for his own gain.

"C'mon, bug," Chuck murmurs, soft, and Amy heads his way. In a swift movement, he sweeps her up into his arms, settles her on his hip, then sends Sarah a look. "You sure you'll be okay?"

"I'll be fine," She wonders if she even believes that herself. "I'll be over in a bit,"

He nods, turning to the door and opening it, heading out into the hall. He turns around once, and Sarah sees him looking at Bryce, eyes burning, before he looks back to his apartment and heads inside.

"'Bug'?" Bryce asks, and Sarah closes the door and turns to glare at him.

"That's what I call her, you know that."

"Yeah, but Chuck calling her that?" He raises an eyebrow. "Somethin' there I'm missing out on."

"You're not here for that." she says defensively, folding her arms. "Why _are_ you here?"

"I was in town, figured I'd stop by," She sends him a flat look, not believing him for a second. "I was!" he insists, but she just rolls her eyes. Now that she knows he's a spy, she can see Bryce's tells a mile off. She's mad she didn't see them all before. At this moment, he's lying. It's not a surprise.

"And you knew where I lived because...?"

He shrugs.  
"I had to find you. I asked the company in New York, they knew your forwarding address."

She glares, steps forward, long-lost training kicking in and her stance readying for a fight.  
"So help me Bryce I will-"

"I wanted to say sorry," he says, raising his hands. "Apologize, for what happened, between us. I handled it badly."

He sounds sincere, she thinks, but it's been years and she doesn't know why he's just turned up here, now, unprompted. Maybe it's cynical, but she doubts it's just to apologize.  
"You did. But you're hardly the type to come crawling back with your tail between your legs, so why are you here?" He pauses, steps from foot to foot, and his avoidance of the subject makes her more anxious. She swallows. "Is it CIA related?"

He looks at her curiously, then sighs.  
"Graham... unofficially told me something. And unofficially told me to come find you and let you know."

She shakes her head, unease filling her.  
"Graham knows I'm out, he knows why, he knew I can't work for the same people who were happy to stand by and pass off an innocent death as collateral damage."

"Sarah, I am sorry," Bryce says, stepping forward. "That wasn't my fault, and it sucks. But you seem to have a pretty great life here. Chuck's a good guy."

Yet again, his words sound sincere, and she shrugs them off.

"We're not..." She clears her throat. She's not going there, at all, especially not with Bryce. He doesn't deserve to know anything about her and Chuck, even if there's nothing to tell. "What is it that you're not telling me, why are you here?"

Sighing, his shoulders slumping, he accepts defeat.  
"Do you remember the Caria cartel?"

She blinks, the change of topic so sudden it almost stuns her. But the name he's said is one she knows all too well, and she nods.  
"Yeah. They were a crime family, some of the missions Graham sent me on involved them." She'd been immersed in that world for months, trailing them, gaining information to take them all down. She'd been young, at the time, basically still a recruit, and Graham had trusted her enough to give her the whole family to bring down. She'd felt special. Skilled. Looking back, she knows he was just using her because she was expendable. She was young enough to lose.

Bryce nods, the information she's given him clearly things he already knew.  
"The oldest son, Danny, you helped in his capture, right?" he asks, and for the second time today, dread fills her.

Getting Danny Caria had been like removing the lynchpin; with him apprehended, the whole family crumbled, and the CIA got them all. She'd arrested him herself.

"Yeah," she breathes, and Bryce nods slowly.

"He escaped."

Her stomach falls to the floor.  
"How is that possible? I oversaw his arrest, he was put in a max security prison, he-"

"He was. But there's a- a revolt, in the government. It's like a damn disease, people are going rogue wherever you look, including inside the CIA." She frowns. Evidently, things haven't been going peachy since she left the agency. "One of his guards was rogue and set him free, he basically walked out the front door."

And now Bryce is here, letting her know. Warning her.  
"Bryce, what are you saying?" she asks, ashamed to hear the desperate tremble in her own words.

"Nothing. I'm saying nothing, there's nothing to say he's doing anything more than laying low. But Graham was worried. I know he recruited you, he- I don't know, cares about you, in some way. He let me know and told me to tell you. He's got every available agent hunting Caria, and he's not gonna get you involved again or drag you into this. But it's just to know."

She scoffs, bitterly. Oh, how kind of the Director, to give her this information and just do nothing else. How typically Graham.  
"What the hell am I supposed to do with this, Bryce?" she asks, voice low, anger bubbling inside her.

He arches an eyebrow.  
"He wanted you to know."

"Why?! So I can have one eye looking away when I'm walking down the street with my daughter? What, am I supposed to move again? Run?" He shrugs a little awkwardly, and she steps forward, rage rising. "I- I don't know why you'd come here and tell me this, for God's sake!"  
She throws a weak punch his way, but he catches her arm, curls his fingers around her wrist, keeps her there. She doesn't feel a spark when their skin touches. Come to think of it, she never did.

"I'm sorry, Sarah. But from what I've read, what Graham told me, you were one of the best." She tugs her hand from his defiantly, glares up at him. "I get your reasons for leaving, I do, but that training, in an agent, it doesn't just disappear. We just wanted you to be prepared in case anything happens."

"My very own guardian angels," she says, disdainfully, and to Bryce's credit, he does look somewhat apologetic. For the first time all night. Which leads her to wonder... "How do you know Chuck?"

Bryce shrugs, taking the change in subject casually.  
"We went to college together."

She frowns. That's not much of a reason for Chuck to feel so strongly toward Bryce, to dislike him, hate him, even. She's never seen him, usually so calm and kind and open, look at anyone with as much frustration and sadness as he looked at Bryce with. Unless-  
"You're the one who got him expelled,"

"It was for the best." Bryce says, not even batting an eyelid, and Sarah frowns.

"He lost his scholarship." She steps forward, searching in him for any kind of reason he could have had to do this. "He lost everything."

He stares her down, narrows his eyes.  
"I had my reasons."

Yet again, rage fills her, of a different kind, for a different cause. Chuck is the sweetest person she's ever known, and here Bryce stands, defending ruining his friend's life like that's a normal kind of thing to do.  
"What _possible_ reasons-"

"Sarah!" he interrupts, voice loud and eyes alight, and she quietens, his outburst unlike him. Her own rage is loud, angry, seething and immediate. Bryce's rage has always been quiet, plotting, bubbling away in the background. He's not the kind to shout. "Look, I know you won't wanna lie to him, so I'm not gonna tell you anything you can't tell him. And since this is CIA related, and he clearly doesn't know about your past, I'm not gonna tell you."

She shakes her head, even as she wonders just what on earth in Chuck and Bryce's past could involve the CIA if it relates to Chuck getting kicked out of school. And she also hates that Bryce is right. She won't want to lie to Chuck. And she's glad she won't have to avoid telling him something, here.

Still, she narrows her eyes.  
"You always take the easy way out, don't you?"

He shrugs.  
"It's what keeps me alive." She shakes her head again, and he sighs. "Sarah, I am sorry for before."

"And I believe you," she says, because she does. "But you know as well as I do, you didn't have to be with me as well as her. You didn't have to spend time with my daughter, while you were doing agency work. Going on missions and working undercover, with terrorists involved so close to you, and then coming back to us? Anyone could have seen you, they could have tracked you, then targeted us to get to you. You put us in danger, Bryce."

"I didn't mean to."

"No. You never do. Just like you didn't mean to hurt Chuck." He blinks at that, surprise on his features, and she sighs, suddenly tired. Just really tired. "You can go now. I'll keep an eye out. But don't tell Graham you found me. Don't let him know I know."

His brow furrows.  
"Why wouldn't you-"

"I have my reasons," she says, voice thick with disdain, and he just nods, chastened, before moving to the door.

"I'll let you know when we find him, though. I promise." She nods, and when he steps into the hall, she follows him, watches as he heads down and away from her. "Goodbye, Sarah."

He said that the last time. But this time around, she truly hopes he means it.

When he rounds the corner, she releases the breath she didn't know she'd been holding, blinks back the stupid inexplicable tears she feels burning at the back of her eyes, and steps forward, knocking on Chuck's door.  
It opens in seconds, Chuck standing on the other side, all concern still.

"Where is he?"

"He..." She points toward the way out, and he nods.

"I'll be right back." With that, he steps past her, heads down the hall, and though she wants to cry out, to stop him, she knows this is his own battle. His own problem, even if he doesn't have the full picture. Though she is glad again, begrudgingly, that she doesn't, that Bryce hadn't told her the story. Even just seeing Chuck now, she wants to tell him everything. About the CIA, about her past, about Bryce, but she also wants to tell Chuck how conflicted he makes her feel, how wonderful he is, things she knows she shouldn't say.

And so she just steps into his apartment instead, sees Amy sitting on the couch, a game controller in hand, watching the TV. Safe and sound.

"Hey, bug," she breathes, and her little girl turns to her.

"Mommy!" She grins, rushing over to her, tackling her in a hug. "Chuck and me are playing a game, come see!" With that, she drags her over to the couch, and Sarah flops down next to Amy, watching the little race on screen. It's cute, and fun, and light, but none of it takes her mind off things. That a dangerous man she helped put behind bars is now free and may well be looking for her. Looking for someone to hurt, in order to hurt her. She slips her arm around Amy's shoulder, holds her tight, and the little girl cuddles into her side as she keeps playing the game.

"You're good," Sarah murmurs, seeing as Amy finishes near the top of the leaderboard almost every time, and the little girl giggles.

"Can we get this for home?"

"I don't think we can, baby, we don't have the player for it. But you can maybe come over to Chuck's to play it a little, yeah?"

"Okay," she says, with another giggle, and flicks something else on the controller.

She keeps racing along the little track, Sarah watching but not really focusing on it, until the door opens again, and a good fifteen minutes after leaving, Chuck steps inside. He looks a little haggard, a little lost, but also steeled, somehow. His eyes meet hers the moment he closes the door, and she strokes Amy's hair.  
"Keep playing, bug, I just need to talk to Chuck."

Amy nods, still blissfully not picking up on their moods, and Chuck walks past them to the kitchen, behind Amy. Sarah stands and follows him, but when she reaches him, he's facing away. His hands are resting on the countertop, his back hunched, and his breathing looks heavy, visibly, like he's trying to keep it under control.

"Chuck," she murmurs, reaching out, resting a hand on his shoulder, and he jolts, stands upright and turns around. He looks at her, eyes that incredible myriad of emotions again, pain, longing, sorrow, with just a remnant of anger now, frustration. And as she looks back at him, the faint sense of terror pounding in her heart, he reaches out, strokes his knuckles over her cheek, and shakes his head.

When his hand brushes her skin, it's simply too much. After everything she's just learnt, everything she's been thinking, she just can't cope. So she leans forward, slips her arms around him, and hugs him, tight. He holds her back, just as strong, arms encircling her waist as her head rests against his neck, and she takes a shuddering breath at his reassurance, his warmth, his tenderness. He buries his head in her hair, squeezes her against him, breathing just as ragged.

She doesn't think she's ever known such comfort before. It ebbs the terror away, calms her sadness, eases her worry. And when she pulls away, his arms still around her hips, hers still around his shoulders, she sees his frame is lighter, his expression less dark as he musters up an oh so small smile. She returns it, leaning into him, feeling as he leans in too. His gaze drops to her lips and she realizes, belatedly, that she can feel his breath as it fans against her skin, hot. She looks at his own lips, feels the pull to him.

"Mommy!" Amy squeals, and they jolt apart, looking around at the couch. Amy is still facing away, only just turning around now, and Sarah's surprised to feel relief at such a thing. "I won!"

She smiles, moves forward, seeing the screen does indeed proclaim 'First Place.'  
"Good job!"

"You're getting better than me, bug," Chuck says, following her, and they sit down either side of Amy on his couch. Amy giggles, reveling in her praise, and Chuck sets up another race before sitting back.

If his hand finds Sarah's, though, on the back of the couch, behind Amy's back, and if her fingers squeeze his in tight reassurance, that's just between the two of them.

* * *

 **a/n 2:** Bryce Larkin: purpose served. Pretty sure most of you guessed he was the ex, but I still hope that unveiling was Dramatic enough. I'm not a particular hater of his character, but he just fit so well I couldn't put anyone else in his place, especially when I needed him to reappear here. Those who perhaps questioned quite how Sarah could leave the spy life and all she'd done to have a child and be completely safe, hopefully this answers how I'm gonna deal with that. As I said at the start, I hope you'll trust me with this. This could never be a totally smooth ride, after all, sometimes you have to go over a couple bumps in the road to get to where you're going. But trust me when I say, Chuck, Sarah, and Amy, will be just fine. Eventually. I gotta retain a little evil and mystery now, haven't I? ;)

I'll see you guys in a few days for Chapter 8, 'The Impulse', where we finally get to Thanksgiving and these two react to Bryce's reappearance a little more. Please leave a review on your way out if you wanna share your thoughts!

-Kiera :)


	8. The Impulse

**summary:** Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they find a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

 **a/n:** And now Thanksgiving in July. Anyone for turkey? Thanks for all your reviews and stuff thus far, I'm glad you're enjoying this story still and that nobody was too put off by the twist and by Bryce's showing up. Ah, Bryce, how I love to hate you. As I said, he's more or less served his purpose for this story, showing up and shaking them up and telling Sarah about Caria, too. Remember when I mentioned those bumps in the road, though? There's a couple more ahead. This show was such a rollercoaster at times, I thought it would be unrealistic for this story to be all a smooth ride. I hope you'll stick with it, though, I felt these conversations and events were necessary for these three to keep moving forward, rather than staying ambiguous and undefined forever. And sometimes, to move forward, you have to move back first. As I've said before, though, my main goal in this story is to just keep Chuck, Sarah, and Amy, fine and happy. We'll get there in time. As always, please leave a review on your way out! Enjoy.

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Chuck, various Thanksgiving movies, marshmallows, or handholding.

* * *

 **The Impulse**

She looks down at the pie in her hands, covered in foil, and wonders when the damn thing will stop making her nervous. It survived the trip in the car, Amy having one protective little hand on it as it sat next to her in the back seat, and a quick check had told Sarah it looks fine, but it's still unnerving. Because she'd had to make it last night, after leaving the comfort and safety of Chuck's apartment and returning to her own, the place where she learned Danny Caria had been freed from prison by a rogue agent of the CIA. The place where she'd been told to keep her guard up, keep one eye behind her at all times, just in case. For her 'safety'. Left alone, without Chuck there to distract her, and once Amy had gone to sleep, left without her little girl too, Sarah had had way too much time to think. On everything, on this giant disaster slowly mounting. And now a pie, of all things, is making her anxious, because here she is, about to spend the day relaxing with friends and family and being thankful, and she knows she won't be able to do that, relax, one bit. She couldn't pull out of the plans just the day before, but she almost wishes she had done. Because she knows, Ellie, Devon, Morgan, and Chuck, she'll be risking them all, just by being here.

Just as she found people, people she truly likes, truly cares about, people who want her in their lives, she has to step back. Because she took Danny Caria away from his family, and she destroyed his family in turn. And if he's escaped, if he comes looking for her which she knows is very likely, she knows exactly what he'll do to hurt her, what his perfect revenge would be. He'll destroy her family, too.

And so she knows, she has to keep her distance. Because if she doesn't, if she lets them all in, then Caria could hurt any one of them.

"Mommy? You haf'ta knock." Amy says smartly, and Sarah chuckles, squeezing her little girl's hand briefly before letting go, finally rapping her knuckles against the door. She absentmindedly hopes this is the right house, but she knows it is, she'd checked and triple-checked the address Ellie had sent her several times. This ridiculously pretty courtyard, in a nice neighborhood, and this beautiful looking apartment, is Ellie and Devon's place, the place Chuck had lived before moving into Sarah's building.

The sound of laughter rises in the house, getting nearer to them, the peal familiar of that of Ellie Bartowski. The door opens, and sure enough, there the doctor stands, smiling widely.

"Hey, guys!" she greets warmly, stepping aside, and where Sarah just smiles Amy squeals, bouncing up and down.

"Dr Ellie!"

Ellie crouches down, grins.  
"Hi, Miss Amy. I like your dress," she says, and Amy giggles, engulfing Ellie in a hug while the other woman chuckles lightly. When she stands, she turns to Sarah, smiling a little smaller, knowingly, and stepping forward to hug her. "Chuck told me about your ex showing up. Everything okay?" she murmurs, almost a whisper, and Sarah tenses as she pulls away.

"Yeah. It's okay now, it's dealt with," she says, looking for any spark of additional anger in Ellie's eyes, but she just sees sympathy, sadness. Which tells Sarah one thing: Chuck didn't say it was Bryce. Chuck didn't say he'd met his ex-best friend along with Sarah's ex-boyfriend yesterday evening, that they were one and the same. He'd kept that from his sister. So Ellie can't know that, where Sarah is hurting, Chuck must be hurting just as much too. Ellie looks down, sees the foil-covered dish in Sarah's hands, and Sarah latches onto the change in conversation. "Oh! It's dessert, Amy and I made it."

Ellie chuckles.  
"Thank you, I'll put it in the fridge,"

"Did someone say dessert?" says a voice, one Sarah knows very well.

"Chuck!" Amy calls, happily running into the apartment, and as Ellie steps away and heads up to the kitchen, Sarah sees Chuck standing by the couch in front of them, smiling their way. He looks like their Chuck, warm and normal, and for a second Sarah wonders if he's gotten over Bryce's appearance quicker than she'd thought.

"Hey, there's my favorite bug!" he says, once more sounding just like he always does as he scoops Amy up into a hug, and she giggles as she hugs him back. When he turns to Sarah, though, his happiness fades a little, and his smile gets tenser, tighter. And she knows he's still dealing with whatever Bryce said to him as much as she is. "Hi. You- you okay?"

She musters up a smile, tries to look as normal as possible, for everyone's sake.  
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine," Since he's holding Amy, she just raises a hand, rests it on Chuck's arm a moment, squeezing it briefly. "How are you?"

He nods, but says nothing more, and she watches him worriedly for a second, biting her lip. He just turns back to Amy, grinning at her.  
"D'you wanna say hi to Captain Awesome?"

Amy giggles, looking excited, and Sarah wonders if they'll need to explain once more that Devon isn't a superhero, though he may look like one, and does save lives on a daily basis. Chuck sends her another look, a much warmer one this time, and she smiles back instinctively before he turns around and carries Amy across to the kitchen, where Devon and Morgan stand. Sarah's struck, suddenly, by just how comfortable he looks, carrying Amy, just how happy Amy looks in his arms, like she always does, always has done. How normal it all seems. He's fitted into their lives almost effortlessly, and she loves it, frankly. But she knows she can't be having those thoughts- she didn't want to before, but now she just _can't_. There's enough to worry about with Amy- if Caria wants to hurt Sarah he'd go after her child, she knows. She can't let more people in, let anyone else be at risk. She just knows that keeping her distance is going to be incredibly, incredibly difficult.

As the little girl greets both guys again, sending waves, Ellie walks up to Sarah once more.  
"D'you want some wine?" She smiles, knowing but mischievous glint in her eye.

It's early, still, they'd come here right after the parade, but Sarah nods.  
"Please."

Ellie grins, heading up to the counter and grabbing a bottle of red, pouring Sarah a generous glass, and by the time she heads back, Chuck and Amy are following her, re-introductions done with. After Chuck sets her down to stand on the floor, Amy hops up on the couch, patting the corner next to her as she looks up at Sarah, and with a chuckle she sits down. Amy immediately snuggles into Sarah's side, and Sarah finds, as she keeps finding since yesterday, that she doesn't want to let her go. Cuddling her little girl back, she smiles at Ellie as she takes her wine, and Chuck sits on the other side of the couch.

"Did you like the parade, Amy?" he asks, and the three-year-old giggles.

"Yeah, it was fun," She grins, and Sarah smiles, thinking of the event they'd seen this morning.

"You liked the Sesame Street float, didn't you, baby?" she prompts, and Amy nods enthusiastically.

"Yeah, they were singing! Everybody was real cold, though."

Chuck laughs softly, looking bemused, and Sarah shrugs. Evidently, the thick knitwear the cast and characters were wearing assured Amy that New York is still very cold.

Ellie joins them, her own glass of wine now in her hand as she slips into an armchair, and Sarah turns to her, smiles, trying to think of topics of conversation just to keep her from thinking about everything.

"I love your apartment, Ellie," she says, truthfully in that. "It's beautiful. And the courtyard outside, too,"

Ellie grins.  
"Thanks, it is. I love the courtyard, it's especially good for parties,"

"You have parties?" Amy asks, eyes wide, awed, and Sarah smirks. As if her excitement at Chuck's party wasn't enough to demonstrate it, Amy really loves parties. Sarah can't help but feel a little regretful that, since moving from New York, the little girl hasn't really been to any events like that. She'd always been invited to cute little celebrations by kids at the mom's group, the kind of parties where the children just eat a lot of cake and leave with a goody bag and some of the parents end up drinking too much Champagne. Though Amy has friends at her daycare here, though, she hasn't been invited to any parties yet, and since Sarah just turns up to drop off or pick up Amy, she rarely gets a chance to speak to any of the other parents there. Her main friends here are all in this room, so Chuck's party has been the highlight, so far.

"Yeah, a lot of parties," Ellie says, grinning. "Halloween, New Year's, sometimes ones just when I want to," She chuckles, and Amy gasps yet again.

"Awesome."

"Indeed!" Devon says, voice booming, as he walks through from the kitchen, Morgan following, and Sarah holds back a smirk.

Eventually, everyone settles into a chair, or in Morgan's case the floor, all chatting, Amy joining in. Sarah notices, though, that Chuck is decidedly quieter than usual, only speaking occasionally, laughing just when necessary, and she tries not to sigh at just how much destruction Bryce has caused without even knowing, probably. Being so unthinking as to turn up the day before Thanksgiving, drop a bombshell, and then leave. And Chuck doesn't even know why the other man was here, what happened, what she and Bryce had talked about. Maybe he's been thinking on it, but he hasn't asked her, and she hasn't asked him what he'd talked about with Bryce for fifteen minutes. Because Bryce has impacted both their lives in very different ways, and it's a strange coincidence that they've both met, now, after he'd destroyed their lives and futures and plans through various means. He'd gotten Chuck expelled, landed him at the Buy More, downtrodden and living in this very apartment with Ellie and Devon for so long, and he'd betrayed Sarah's trust, endangered her and Amy for almost a year, mixing the job with his own indulgences, own desires, risking being found out at any time, and then leaving New York as a bitter betraying memory for her.

She sighs, sipping her wine and holding Amy closer, feeling as she keeps cuddling in close.

"Okay, I need to start cooking things if we're gonna get to the turkey for lunch." Ellie says, as the conversations wrap up a little.

As the doctor heads through to the kitchen, Morgan hums happily, looking a little dreamily lost.  
"D'you have my favorite number two side-dish?"

"I brought the marshmallows this morning, buddy," Chuck says, to which Morgan nods sagely. Sarah's not quite sure why marshmallows are so important, but to the bearded man, they must be. Chuck laughs, then looks around, specifically at Amy. "Anyone wanna watch a movie?"

"Ooh! Me, me!" the little girl says, raising her hand and bouncing on the couch cushions hard enough Sarah has to cover the top of her wine glass with her hand to stop the drink from spilling. She reaches out, taps Amy's shoulder.

"Calm a little, baby, okay?"

"Oh." She pauses, blinks. "Sorry."

Sarah smiles, tickling her side and watching as Amy squirms and giggles.  
"It's okay." she says, and with a smile Chuck stands and heads toward the TV, where stacks of DVDs sit.

"D'you wanna choose the movie, bug? We've got a couple good Thanksgiving ones,"

"Not You've Got Mail! I wanna watch that later!" Ellie calls from the kitchen, and Chuck rolls his eyes.

"I was thinking kids movies, El, you know that."

After hopping off the couch and looking through some DVDs with Chuck, Amy picks A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. As they settle back and the movie begins, Amy clambers back up, but Sarah watches as, instead of leaning next to her mother like she usually does, she shuffles next to Chuck, blinking up at him.

"What is it, bug?" he whispers, and Amy just smiles.

"Nothin'." Resting back against his arm, cuddling into his side and watching the movie with wide eyes, she says nothing more, but Chuck just looks over at Sarah, raises an eyebrow. Though terror rises in her suddenly at the sight before her, her daughter and Chuck so close, both people Caria could hurt to get to her, something about the two of them also makes the panic ebb a little. Taking a last sip of her wine, she sits back and wills herself to let the fear, the anxiety, go just for now, and she makes herself just enjoy being surrounded by friends, her daughter, and the man who's a very big part of their lives. She may have to keep looking over her shoulder, especially after today, but moments like these, she knows she can never try to stop.

* * *

When Ellie declares it's a half hour to turkey time, they wrap up the next movie they'd started, and while Amy does some Thanksgiving-themed coloring on the coffee table, Devon sets the dining table, and Morgan helps in the kitchen, walking around and offering to taste anything Ellie is cooking, stirring various pots. Sarah realizes, though, that she and Chuck have found themselves without much to do. They could just stay lounging about, killing time, but with Amy having stayed cuddling Chuck's arm during the various movies, then shifting around so her feet were in Sarah's lap while her head rested on Chuck's shoulder, and with the tension Sarah knows the two of them are still feeling, she makes a decision.

"Hey," she says, and he looks up from the comic book he's reading—or is just pretending to read, she thinks, since he hasn't changed the page in a solid ten minutes-, raising his eyebrows in answer. "Can we, uh, can we talk?"

He blinks.  
"Here?" She shakes her head a little, flicks her eyes to Amy, and he nods. "Uh, sure, the guest room's free, I guess," He stands, and she leans forward, ruffling Amy's hair briefly.

"Ames, Chuck and I are just gonna go talk, we'll be right back, okay?"

Amy hums and nods, curls bouncing as she colors a turkey more.

Standing and looking at Chuck, Sarah sees him take a deep breath as he nods his head to the hall behind him and starts to walk. She follows him, wondering how on earth to broach this topic.

"Devon, we're just gonna..." Chuck murmurs, and Devon nods wordlessly, still distracted by trying to lay out various items of cutlery and shuffling around centrepieces at Ellie's instruction.

They round the corner past the kitchen, and Chuck pushes open a door, stepping inside, waiting for Sarah to follow. Inside is a nice, bright room, surprisingly with a few framed posters on the wall, a case of DVDs inside an empty corner fireplace. There are a few nerdy touches, though, the posters especially, a couple of Comic-Con flyers on the pinboard, and she smiles knowingly.

"Was this your room?"

He nods, smiling a little wryly.  
"Yeah. I didn't have enough space for the Dune poster in my new place," His smile falls, though, and she closes the door, eyes him with concern.

"Chuck, what's wrong? I know seeing Bryce would've shaken you up, but this seems like it's more." He darts his gaze away, and she frowns. "Was it something he said, or, I don't know, is it something else?" Is it her? Does he think of her differently, now, knowing she dated Bryce? Knowing the kind of bad choices she's made? She doubts he'd judge her, though, she's always trusted him to be better than that.

He sighs, runs a hand through his hair.  
"It's kinda just everything. Knowing that Bryce is the guy that hurt you, back then, I-I can't believe he'd do all that to you. He was an ass to me, sure, he ruined my life for a little bit, but I didn't have a child in the mix. I just keep thinking, how selfish has he gotta be to do that? And- and you and Amy are so great, I mean..."

She shakes her head.  
"I... It's complicated," she says, not defending Bryce but trying to explain what she can't, all of the CIA problems that entwine themselves with their former relationship. "He apologized, yesterday, but he thinks his reasons were justified."

Chuck snorts, bitter.  
"He said that to me, about what he did at Stanford. I'd say he was lying, but when I mentioned Jill, he... I could tell he honestly had no idea what I was talking about, him being with Jill."

She raises an eyebrow.  
"They weren't together?"

"Apparently not, no." he mutters, and Sarah blinks. Well, that's a strange development, certainly. But if Chuck is re-examining that aspect of his life, re-examining an old relationship, she understands why he's been a little distant today. "That sorta just makes it even worse if she made it up to get me off her back, I must've really been annoying." He shrugs, self-deprecatingly, and Sarah scoffs, distaste for a woman she's never even met increasing.

"Chuck, I don't believe that for a second-"

"That's not what's bothering me, though," he interrupts, raising a hand. "I wasted enough time thinking about Jill, I honestly just don't care about her anymore. She's not what's important."  
He leaves the next part unsaid, but Sarah can put the pieces together by the way he looks at her, gaze so open, eyes so soft. It makes her heart skip a beat. She's some of what's important to him, Amy too. And with the news she learnt just yesterday, she's glad he hasn't just said that, didn't put it out there.

She hates that just when she's found someone she could fall into, she desperately can't. For his own safety. And god, she hates being this conflicted, this torn. Ever since she met Chuck Bartowski it's like she can't think straight, anymore. And now Bryce has just made that even worse.

She takes a deep breath, nods.  
"So what is it? Ellie and Devon and Morgan might not have noticed, but I have. Something's wrong." She steps forward, tugs on his arm, and his face crumples, eyes closing tight. "Chuck,"

"It's nothing, it's just Bryce being an ass-"

It's not nothing, she knows that, although she does trust the idea that Bryce was an asshole. She just can't work out what he would've said that got to Chuck like this.  
"What did he say? Was it about me? Amy?"

He winces, pulls away, and Sarah knows she's getting close to the answer.  
"It's not important, it's-"

"Chuck, please." she murmurs, and an anguished look falls upon his features.

"He said I should stay away. From you, and- and from Amy. He said that would be for the best."

Much like Bryce had said kicking Chuck out of Stanford was for the best. She's sure he believes that, truly, that his actions were for the best, and when he'd been talking yesterday he'd said Chuck was a good guy, no sarcasm, no lies. Sarah thinks he genuinely must have thought his actions were just protecting his friend, that they really weren't meant to hurt him as much as they did, especially if Jill had hurt Chuck without Bryce's involvement. And in this case, he's right. If Chuck were to just stop being in Sarah and Amy's lives, if he were to step back, that would mean he would be safer from Caria, and so would Ellie and Devon and Morgan and everyone else too.  
Bryce was right. And Sarah knows, from a former-spy's point of view, she should back him up, reinforce what he's said.

But she just can't. She knows she can't. Can't push Chuck away that much, can't hurt him, can't hurt herself and then Amy too. Because, dammit, she likes him so much, likes the happiness he's brought, the light, the friendship, the laughter. The feeling of home. Even when things in New York with Bryce had felt good, they'd never felt this good. This warm, this happy, this perfect. This much like a home. And she and Chuck aren't even...

She nods, clearing her throat. She won't push him herself, but if Chuck wants to do as Bryce said and stay away from them and step back, she'll have to let him.  
"Bryce says a lot of stuff, you know that." she murmurs, and he frowns, probably noticing she didn't exactly tell him to ignore his old friend.

"God, Sarah, you know I don't want to, you know I'm not gonna?" His tone is insistent, and she just shakes her head.

"I-I don't know. I'd hope not, but you've been like this today when we've been here with your family, and that's because Bryce turned up, and he was only there because of me, so-"

"No, no, I mean, he's in my head a little, but, no."

"Okay." She smiles, small, not bugging him on it anymore. She has no demands of him, no real expectations. He's his own person, with his own life, and he owes them nothing at all.

He looks at her, expression stunned, a fire in his eyes that makes something inside her stir.  
"Seriously." he says, like he knows she's still not certain of this. He seems to be, though, and she blinks as he frowns. "I don't want to stay away, I mean- Sarah, I..." He shakes his head, and she just shrugs again, believing him but not sure what to say.

Before she can think, he's striding toward her, pulling her to him, and her heart suddenly starts pounding in her chest as he looks at her, gaze burning dark, breath fanning over her face. She blinks, slow, not moving, and then just like that, he's kissing her.

The moment their lips meet, she knows she has never, ever, felt anything like this before. The kiss is furious, intense, deep from the start, their lips moving together, his tongue exploring her mouth. She groans as he pulls her closer, hands roaming her back. She kisses him back just as hard, hands holding his head, slipping down to his chest, clutching his shirt in her fist, tasting him, pressing up against him, rising on her toes to meet him even closer, easier, letting the feel of him wash over her, drown her. It's as good as she thought it would be, with him, the way he makes her feel with just a look, the way their skin seems to spark every time it meets. In fact, it's better. It's incredible. It's just on the best verge of being overwhelming, being too much.  
And she knows, from just this kiss, that she could never grow tired of this. Of him.

"Mommy?"

She jerks back at the muffled sound, tearing her lips from Chuck's, gasping as cold air somehow fills the space that hadn't been between them. Peeling open her eyes, she takes in Chuck's disheveled appearance, hair messy, cheeks flushed, and when his eyes open slowly, she sees the anguish there. The regret.

His forehead drops to her shoulder, his arms around her waist slowly loosening.  
"I'm sorry." he says, and she blinks. What?

She clears her throat, and he stands up, steps back. She turns to the door, seeing it still closed, Amy evidently still out in the hall, much to Sarah's relief. If Amy had seen them kiss, explaining that would be... awkward. And confusing. Knowing she should answer before her daughter gets impatient enough to try and open the door, she swallows.  
"I'm in here, baby, I'll be right out,"

"Okay," Amy calls, upbeat, oblivious to the tension filling the room her mother and Chuck are currently in.

Sarah turns back, tries to think of something to say, but she just finds herself staring at Chuck, mouth a little agape. She can still taste his lips, feel the heat of him pressed up against her, she can't get it out of her mind. He runs his hands over his face.

"I'm sorry," he repeats. "I shouldn't have done that."

She tries to get her breathing under control, wondering why he's apologizing when she returned his kiss just as intensely as he offered it. And it was, intense.  
"It's okay." she says, because god, it was more than okay. Misreading her, though, he shakes his head.

"It won't happen again. I know you and Amy are good by yourself, you don't need this- me making things complicated."

Oh, god, the sweet man. The sweet, stupid, clueless man. Without even knowing it, he's offered her the perfect way out. The perfect solution.  
"Okay," she breathes, even as a voice inside her says, _Coward_. Coward to let him think she believes that, coward to let him think she doesn't like him just as much as he seems to like her. Coward to let him think things would still be best just her and Amy. Coward to stay away from him.

But this way, he'll be safe. If this had happened yesterday, or any day before Bryce had sprung that news on her last night, she knows she wouldn't be doing this, wouldn't be pushing Chuck away. Because despite her holding back until now, thinking she didn't need someone else, thinking she and Amy were fine just the two of them, she knows, if Chuck had kissed her before today, before last night, she would've fallen, into him, for him. She knows that now, as surely as she knows herself. With that kiss, certainly not, but not with this man, the one she likes so much, the one she can only now somehow admit that about- she knows she could never have really stayed away. But now, she has a reason to hold back. And he's given her the perfect excuse, put the words into her mouth. This way she doesn't put him at more risk with Danny Caria.  
Even if, as Bryce had so helpfully explained, Caria maybe isn't a risk at all. But she just can't take that chance. Not with Chuck.

This way is best. But that doesn't mean it doesn't break her heart to see him nod in front of her. His face crumples a little, brow furrowed in pain, and she bites her lip.

"Chuck, it's not that I…" God, she thinks, what can she even say? Because she wants this, wants him, after that kiss but before it, even, but right now she has absolutely no idea how to solve this, how to fix her future, when an extremely dangerous man is on the loose and probably looking for her. "I just, I can't," she murmurs, pulse thumping in her ears, voice strained. She hasn't lied to him, but the reason as to why she can't, definitely isn't what he's thinking.

Controlled, not a sign of frustration or anger at her- how is this man so kind, she wonders, so forgiving?- he just nods again.  
"You should, um, probably get to Amy. I'll be right out." He sits on the bed, running his hands through his hair again, and Sarah has to use all of her willpower to not go to him, hold him, kiss him again because oh, she knows she wants to. She swallows, desperate to run but knowing she has to say something, get something through to him.

"Please don't... shut down. Please, Amy loves spending time with you." It's not just Amy, not at all. But she can hardly say that, hardly go back on herself now. "This doesn't have to change anything."

"It won't." He shakes his head. "I promise. I don't wanna ruin this, Sarah,"

She nods, heart still breaking, chest aching, trying to get everything under control and ordered in her mind enough to see her daughter. And, with a deep breath, she turns to the door, pulling it open. Amy, evidently having heard the door open, comes around the corner from the kitchen, running up to her happily. Sarah can't help but smile.

"Hey, bug," she says, and Amy runs into her legs, Sarah bending to lift her up, settling her on her hip.

"Hiya, Mommy." She grins. "Where's Chuck?"

"I'm here, Ames," he says, voice low, but when Sarah looks around, he's smiling, looking completely composed. It's alarming, almost, and Sarah would be worried if she didn't feel the ghost of his touch on her back before he pulls away immediately, sending her an awkward look.

"Hi!" Amy reaches out, hugging him while still in Sarah's arms, like she's missed them both in the five minutes they've been away. It was one hell of five minutes, though. He chuckles when he pulls back, ruffles her hair, and Sarah is struck, suddenly, by just how easily her daughter can make everything feel normal again.

"Guys, we uh, we were gonna take some photos before the food, if you wanna come through?" Ellie says, smiling from the kitchen, looking totally composed despite the various things in the oven, plates laid out, utensils and bowls stacking up in the sink.

Sarah blinks. Nobody had mentioned photographs, but she wished if they had, they could've taken them before she'd made out with Chuck, messed up his hair and probably smudged the lip gloss she'd had on.  
"Oh. Um, could you just give me two minutes?"

Ellie nods and smiles, and Sarah takes a step toward the bathroom, before realizing she's still carrying Amy. Quickly setting her down, she smooths down the little girl's dress, flattening out any creases, checking for random stains that may have appeared, then promptly sorts her hair, adjusting the slightly squiggly parting Amy has somehow gained since this morning, smoothing out a knot with her fingers, and then booping Amy's nose, making her giggle.

"Okay, d'you wanna go with Chuck? Mommy'll be through in a minute,"

"Okay!" She reaches up, instantly grabbing Chuck's hand, and he sends her a remarkably normal smile before stepping away, heading down the hall with Amy in tow.

Sarah slips into the bathroom, locks the door, rests against it, and slumps down to sit on the floor, head in her hands.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," she mutters, cursing everything, cursing Bryce Larkin and cursing Danny Caria and cursing Langston Graham and especially cursing Chuck Bartowski for being so wonderful and so incredibly clueless.  
But mostly cursing herself. For thinking she and Chuck could ever hold out, could ever not... what just happened. Kiss, that explosively, give in, that intensely. Not with the way she'd seen him look at her, not with the way seeing that had made her feel. Not with the way his smile always makes her want to smile, not with how much she trusts him with Amy, not with just how good he is with the little girl always making Sarah ache, yearn. Privately wonder if they could have it all, even if she's so often put those thoughts aside, refused to acknowledge them. Now, she can't ignore them.

She sighs, leaning her head back against the door. Everything had been going so well, it felt like, since they'd moved to LA. And now, with Bryce turning up again, it's all gone to hell. Only ever Bryce, Sarah thinks mirthlessly.

Standing, sighing again, she heads to the mirror, checking her appearance. She looks fine, really, no smudges of makeup, no obvious signs that she just made out with someone. But she did. And damn, it was good, even if it may have ruined the best relationship she has in her life. Simply smoothing down some flyaway hairs and running her thumbs under her eyes to wipe up the tiny amount of transferred eyeliner, natural throughout the day anyway, she brushes down her shirt, nods at herself, and closes her eyes.

If she tries, it's easy to revert to before she had Amy. Easy to get into Agent Walker's headspace, even if this morning Agent Walker attempted to make pancakes in the shape of a unicorn for her three-and-a-half year old, and last week pretended to be in need of saving by her Bug Princess daughter (Amy had worn part of her Halloween costume with a crown on this time).  
But when cool easy calm comes over her, and her surroundings sharpen, her awareness of every noise and detail becomes clearer, she opens her eyes again. She just has to fall into a cover, here, like she used to do on a daily basis.

"Okay." she says, to herself. And with that, she opens the bathroom door, heads back into the apartment, seeing Ellie ordering people into positions in front of the fireplace. She clears her throat, and Ellie turns around, grinning.

"Just in time. You're next to Chuck, in between him and Morgan."

Nodding, she takes her orders, moving around to the group and slipping in between the two men. She makes herself send a grin to Chuck, which he returns, then faces forward.

"Shouldn't Morgan be in the front, next to Amy, if he's the smallest?" Devon asks, and Ellie rolls her eyes at the suggestion.

"Devon, you know that makes no sense, the heights are all off."

"Not by much," the doctor jokes, and Chuck snorts by Sarah's side, reaching out and across and ruffling Morgan's hair. Ellie starts muttering to herself, then nods.

"Okay, nobody move," she orders, then heads down the hall, probably to her room.

Indeed, nobody even shifts for a bit, and Sarah blinks in confusion.

Amy, just standing and watching, leans in, tugs on Morgan's sleeve.  
"Mr Morgan? What's hap'ning?"

Morgan chuckles, Devon too.  
"Good question, Amy. Ellie's just in Thanksgiving mode."

"Oh." Amy says solemnly, nodding seriously. "I see,"

Sarah chokes back a laugh, having absolutely no idea where Amy got that expression from, the language so different from her usual vocabulary. Chuck giggles by her side, too, and when she sends him a smile this time, it's not as false as the one from before, not as dredged up from operative training all those years ago. Leaning down, she scoops Amy up, once more adjusting her little dress so it sits properly.

Ellie comes back, tripod in hand, and looks at Sarah in relief.  
"Oh, good, you picked her up. Morgan, scooch a little, Devon, move in next to him." She sets up the tripod quickly, presses some buttons on the camera, then hurries around next to Devon. "It's gonna take three in a row, five seconds between each, so just, I don't know, keep smiling."

A light begins to flash on the camera, counting down, and Sarah feels Morgan move in.  
"When the light stops flashing, Amy, then it takes a picture," he says, trying to be helpful, but Sarah feels Amy twist in her arms, turn to look at the bearded man.

"I know, Mr Morgan. Mommy does this lots." Her tone isn't rude, or dismissive, but something about her words, so matter-of-fact, makes Sarah chuckle, and she hears Chuck laughing softly behind her, too. Amy twists back just in time for the camera to take the first photograph, smiling normally, pose perfect, and Sarah just laughs even more. Ellie and Devon soon join in, Morgan too, and when the camera clicks a second time she's sure they're all in the middle of laughs.

"Nice job, bug," Chuck says, still laughing, and Sarah turns to him with a smirk as Amy giggles happily, looking up at him. The camera clicks a third time.

"Well, that went great," Ellie says with a chuckle, and Sarah grins, squeezes Amy in her arms a little.

"Sorry, Morgan,"

He waves a hand.  
"It's okay. You sure showed me, kid," he says to Amy, offering up a fist, and she bumps it with her own tiny hand, giggling again.

Ellie moves toward the camera, clicking it free of the tripod, and Sarah frowns.

"I'm pretty sure we were laughing in those, should we not take more?"

"No, I mean, not unless you want to. They'll be cute pictures, and way less weird than three of us all smiling the same." She shrugs, holds the camera up. "But now, groups. Would you mind...?" She gestures to it, and Sarah shakes her head with a smile, setting Amy on the ground and stepping forward, taking the camera from Ellie.

"Just a warning, she's pretty thorough in her planning," Chuck murmurs, voice low and near Sarah's ear, and she forces a chuckle as she ignores the shudder he sends down her spine, all good.

She soon finds out he's right, though. Ellie keeps rotating people, first so it's her and Devon, then her, Devon, and Chuck, then them plus Morgan, then Morgan and Devon being moved out so it's just the Bartowski siblings, then Morgan and Chuck... Until Ellie finally steps forward, takes the camera from Sarah with a grateful grin.

"Thank you. You're up." She must see Sarah's confusion, for she smiles. "You and Amy. We might as well when we've got the camera out,"

Amy perks up from her seat on the sofa, and Sarah nods, her child having made up her mind for her. But as she walks up to the fireplace, lifts Amy again, she can't help but think just how close to this family she's become. It's hardly much by most people's standard, she supposes, but for Ellie to just naturally include them in the holiday pictures, by themselves, just her and Amy, and to not even blink at the idea, shows Sarah that Ellie must think of them both as some part of the family, in a way. She presses away the strange, somehow uneasy thoughts in light of yesterday's news, as she cuddles Amy close, and Ellie takes a few snaps of them grinning at the lens. Amy looks up at her mother, asking a question, and Sarah hears the click of the camera again, Ellie evidently taking advantage of the candid shot.

When all the photos seem to have been taken, though, and Ellie still hesitates, Sarah knows why. And it would be easier, after today's events just minutes earlier, to ignore it and thank Ellie and sit back down, but she can't be unfair to Chuck. She said she didn't want what happened to change them, and it wouldn't be right to ask that of Chuck but not uphold it herself. And, if he hadn't kissed her today, she'd likely do exactly what she's about to.

"Chuck?" He looks across from the couch. "D'you wanna... get in for a couple?"

When he pauses, Sarah tugs on Amy's dress, and she nods.  
"Chuck! I want pictures with you!"

He chuckles, standing from the couch, but when he passes his sister and only Sarah and Amy can see him, he raises an eyebrow, gaze questioning.

"Things shouldn't change," Sarah murmurs. "She wants this. And I'd like it."  
Because no matter how strange things are right now, between them, she would like a picture of them with Chuck. For all the talk of photographs they've had in the past, for all the pictures she's seen and the ones he'd taken of them, they haven't got one with him, yet. And it feels like they should get one, have a memento, memory, of the light he's brought them, the friendship. Even if Sarah knows she's a lot past friendship with Chuck.

He nods, smiling slowly, and turns to face Ellie, looking down at Amy and tickling her tummy.  
"Y'ready?"

She giggles, and Sarah smiles.  
"Yep!"

They take a few posed pictures, and thankfully, an oven timer beeps, and Ellie snaps back into host mode.  
"Ten minutes!"

Morgan cheers, and Amy joins in, and Sarah tries not to chuckle at the bearded man having so much in common with her three-year-old.

And so, ten minutes later, Sarah finds herself seated at the dining room table, the biggest spread of food she's ever seen laid out in front of her, all looking and smelling divine. There's turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes with marshmallows (that, Sarah discovers, is Morgan's favorite number two side dish), vegetables, gravy, more potatoes, rolls, the works. Amy is sat excitedly to her right, sitting on some throw pillows to boost her up, and Chuck is sat to Sarah's left. She can't help but like it.

They dig in, Sarah dealing with Amy's plate first and getting her a little of everything, cutting up the bigger pieces of turkey and vegetables before letting her help herself, then gets her own food, and when everyone's a few bites down, Devon clears his throat.

"So, Thanksgiving. I think it's customary to go around the table and say what we're thankful for,"

"What's that?" Amy asks, luckily without her mouth full, and everyone smiles. When all around the one table, Sarah's keenly aware of the effect her daughter has on everyone here- every single person around this table is wrapped around Amy's little finger. And she's probably none the wiser.

Sarah ruffles her hair.  
"Thankful is when you're happy you have something."

"Ohhh." She nods, then takes a huge bite of stuffing.

Devon chuckles.  
"Okay, I'll go first. I'm thankful for my family, for my friends. And for the most amazing woman, who has made the most amazing meal, for being my girlfriend," Ellie awws, even as Morgan scoffs a little and Chuck shifts a little awkwardly, sweetly, in his seat.

"That was sweet, honey. I'm thankful for my boyfriend, and my family, and my friends, old," She looks at Morgan, begrudgingly as ever. "And newer." She nods at Sarah, who finds herself taking a sip of wine and trying not to blush. She doesn't know when, but Agent Walker has slipped away now. It was probably when Chuck had murmured in her ear before the photos, but she's not sure.

Since they're going round the table, Morgan is next, and he grabs another spoonful of his favorite side dish as he speaks.  
"I'm thankful for my family, my mom, my best friend. And for Ellie Bartowski... making this dish even better this year." A somewhat childish speech, Sarah thinks, with a pause that was way too long, but she's coming to expect that from Morgan.

And then, next, is Chuck. He clears his throat.

"I am thankful for... getting over stuff, this past year." he starts.

Ellie raises her glass at that, as does Devon.  
"Here here."

Chuck smirks, continues.  
"And I'm thankful for new places, and new directions I'm taking. And new people. Even- even if I'm not always great at making the best decisions, and even if I have a habit of messing things up. A lot. I'm grateful for forgiveness," He looks up at Sarah at that, but doesn't pause, doesn't clue anyone else in, and she feels the way her heart tugs. "And I'm thankful for some of the best things I've ever known happening. I'm… so thankful, that I get to know those. And I'm thankful that- that not everything has to change."

She wants to process it, think, let his words settle over her and truly realize what he means, because his eyes are locked on hers, gaze strong, intense as ever, and she knows so much of that was about her, but she also knows if she doesn't keep going, the others will question Chuck's words, too. They'll wonder why Sarah can't look away from him, wonder what they're missing. And since this is entirely her fault, she won't make Chuck be subject to any kind of questions about them from his family.

And so she looks away, smiles.  
"I'm thankful for my daughter, like always," Amy grins at her, and she smiles back, looking around the table. "And I'm thankful for you guys. I had no idea what moving here would be like, what we'd find... And we found you." She looks at Chuck, since he is reason she found all that, all this. "So I'm thankful, for moving here and finding friends, who I can call, and trust, and rely on. I'm thankful for some of the best people I've met. This is—this is the happiest, the best, we've ever been. So thank you, all of you."

Ellie's smiling at her, Devon is grinning, and when she looks to Chuck he's looking stunned, like he hadn't expected her to say that. It strikes her, suddenly, that with her pushing him away after their kiss, he may well think that she doesn't view the two of them, and him, the same way he views her. The importance, the significance, just how much he means to her. Which is just strange for her to even imagine, really, that he might think she doesn't appreciate this more than anything. Slowly, so slowly, she reaches out her hand under the table, hidden by the table cloth, reaching for him. He must see it, for after a beat his fingers curl round hers, palm slipping against her own. She might've hurt him and pushed him away earlier, but right now, she needs this, and needs him to see it, feel it. Right now, it outweighs the risk. She squeezes his hand tight as she turns to Amy.

"D'you wanna try, baby?"

Amy nods, swallows her mouthful of food, and sits up a little.  
"I'm... thankful..." She pauses, checking the word, and Sarah nods encouragingly. "For Mommy... and Chuck..." There's a moment where she stops, and Sarah's kinda terrified that'll be it, and if the way Chuck's hand tightens around hers is any indication, so is he. "And Dr Ellie... and Mr Morgan, and Dr Captain Awesome... and Grandma, and Dog..."

Oh, thank god. She's just listing everything she knows.

Sarah chuckles softly, stroking Amy's back with her free hand, stopping her before her she can continue too much.  
"Nice job, Ames,"

She beams, proud of herself, then dives back into dinner. With a laugh, Sarah does the same, and everyone starts returning to their own conversations, some across a few people, some the whole table. And Sarah keeps her hand in Chuck's until they have to let go.

After the meal, and dessert, everyone moves to the couch again, decidedly much more full than they'd been before. But with all six of them sitting down to watch a movie, there's a lot less space than there had been earlier. Ellie takes the armchair, Sarah and Amy return to the corner of the couch, Morgan takes the floor, but Devon sits on the other side of the couch, near Ellie, leaving Chuck in the middle of the sofa, close by Sarah's side. He's warm, soft, his arm brushing hers, and she's glad Amy is dozing in her lap to keep her mind occupied.

"Is she asleep?" Chuck asks, a couple minutes into You've Got Mail, voice quiet.

Sarah looks up, finding him a lot closer than she'd expected. It steals her breath for a second, memories of that kiss not so long ago flooding her, but she manages to look back down, seeing Amy leaning against her, eyes closed. She grins.  
"Yeah. She slept a lot last night so I thought she might not be too tired today, but I think having so much food knocked her out,"

Chuck breathes a laugh, reaches out and brushes a curl off Amy's forehead. She doesn't even shift, blissfully asleep, and Sarah smiles softly as she leans back against the couch. Her head brushes Chuck's shoulder, accidentally, but when he doesn't tense at the movement, she rests her temple on his arm, watching the movie at an angle. She's seen it before, anyway, and she quickly discovers Chuck is a very comfortable pillow. If her eyes slip shut much like her daughter's, she's sure nobody minds.

* * *

When Amy stirs, near the end of the movie, Sarah decides it's time to head home, much to the little girl's displeasure. But with the big meal finished with, many movies watched, and Chuck back to being understandably a little awkward after Sarah fell asleep on his shoulder, she thinks it's time. The fact that Amy's a little cranky after her nap only helps matters.

"You're sure you gotta go?" Chuck asks, standing by the door as they get ready to leave.

"Yeah," Sarah says, helping Amy into her coat, doing up the zipper, even as the little girl scowls somewhat. "I think someone's a little overtired,"

"Am not!" Amy says, huffing, and Sarah sees Chuck send her a smirk.

Ellie chuckles softly from where she leans against the couch, looking at them as Sarah stands up and Amy sighs.  
"I understand, though I'm sorry you couldn't stay later. We've got so much food left over,"

"Ooh, leftover dinner tomorrow!" Morgan says excitedly, wandering through to the kitchen, apparently snacky again, and Sarah tries not to gape at the sight. The man must have a bottomless stomach or something, because Sarah can't really think about eating tomorrow yet, let alone more today.

"I'm sorry too, but it's best I get this one home," She ruffles Amy's hair, and Ellie smiles again.

"Oh- do you want to get the rest of the pie you made?"

"No, it's okay, you keep it. Morgan can have some tomorrow," She chuckles, then scoops up Amy, cuddling her to try and make the little girl less sad about leaving. She kisses her head, but she still just sighs.

Thankfully, Ellie moves in, hugging Sarah first and then giving Amy a brief squeeze.  
"I'll see you soon, little one," she says, and Amy hums. Devon moves in for fistbumps again, and Morgan waves from the kitchen, mouth full. Which then just leaves Chuck. For some reason, Ellie and Devon step away as he walks up, and it leaves them relatively alone.

"You sure you're not just leaving because of me?" he murmurs, wincing a little, and she shakes her head, making herself smile even as her insides churn at making him feel this bad. Yet again, there's this wonderful man in front of her, and she's pushing him away, making him awkward and embarrassed. Only now, it's for an entirely different reason to before. Now, she isn't scared he'll hurt her, she's scared she'll get him hurt.

"I'm not. It's just time, I'll leave you with your family." she says, but he shrugs.

"I see them a lot, y'know, it's okay,"

She just sighs, reaching out and slipping an arm around him, hugging him.  
"We'll see you for movie night next week?" she murmurs, and his arm gently moves around her waist, holding her back. Just like always, it feels right, being this close to him, it feels comforting.

"Of course," He nods against her shoulder. Since they'd seen each other today they'd agreed to skip tomorrow's, but next week they're back to normal. "I wouldn't miss it,"

When she pulls back, she smiles, and he sends one back that just about reaches his eyes. She shifts Amy on her hip, and when the little girl leans over for a hug, she just keeps going, and Sarah passes her over to Chuck.

"Are you coming home with us, Chuck?" Amy asks, nuzzling into him.

He laughs softly.  
"No, bug, I'm gonna stay here with Ellie and Awesome and Morgan a little while."

"Oh." She frowns as she pulls back from the hug to look at him, tilting her head. "I'll miss you,"

Sarah's heart tugs and Chuck grins, as Amy throws herself forward for another hug.  
"I'll miss you too, Amy. I'll see you soon though."

"Okay." She nods against his neck, and Sarah sees as Chuck squeezes her again before passing her back. Amy resists a little, not wanting to let go, which is a first, and he smiles sadly as he keeps moving Amy over. Sarah squeezes her little girl close when she's back in her arms, and Amy nuzzles her neck in comfort. Smiling, she looks away from her daughter, back up at the man she keeps pushing away.

"See you later, Chuck," He sends her a look, all open again, every emotion in his eyes, and she strokes his arm briefly before she turns around to smile and wave at Ellie and Devon. "Thank you, again, guys,"

"No problem." Ellie says with a smile. "Safe journey home."

With another smile, and a slight nudge to make Amy wave, she leaves, making her way out to her car and slowly driving home.

It's when she's back in their apartment, on her own couch, watching TV by herself as Amy does some coloring in her room, that Sarah wishes she'd stayed longer. She hadn't been truthful with Chuck- he had been the reason she'd left early. But he'd also been the reason she wanted to stay. Because she hadn't left due to what he'd thought; not the awkward feeling between them now, not any discomfort. No, that's entirely her fault, but she'd never take things out on him that way, especially not with Amy having to go, too. Instead, she'd left because she realized that she enjoys his presence a lot more than she'd thought. A lot, more. Even after their kiss, even when everything between them felt a mess, when she was sitting at the table, his hand in hers, she'd felt content. Safe. Secure. And of course, she shouldn't feel that, she needs to try and stay away, for his own sake. And so, she'd had to go.

Because if she'd stayed any longer, she's not sure she'd ever have wanted to leave.

* * *

 **a/n 2:** Oof. Curse those bumps in the road. The course of Chuck Thanksgivings never did run smooth... Yell at me etc at me if you wish, but I only ask you to trust me. Sometimes these characters are human, and screw up, and don't share their feelings all that well, but this is far from the end, and far from where we're going to stay. Hopefully there was enough sweetness in this chapter to not make any of you think I'm gonna drag these two through much angst for no reason, or keep them distanced and emotionless with no resolution. That's not my style, but it also wouldn't be very fun, and would be super mean to Chuck and Sarah. Again, you just gotta go through some stuff to grow, at times. But if anyone seriously wants to know why I'm taking Chuck and Sarah this way, feel free to leave a review or message me and I'll ramble all my Chuck and Sarah thoughts at you. Next up, Christmas! Another holiday this show did so well. And with the holidays, comes some thinking, so I'll see you guys in a couple days for Chapter 9, 'The Gift'.


	9. The Gift

**summary:** Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they find a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

 **a/n:** Christmas in July, too! In my defence, I did write this chapter in December, so you're only seeing it now due to my laziness rather than my habit for writing holidays in the complete wrong seasons. You're also getting it a day earlier than planned, due to my pre-emptive laziness! I'm busy with birthday stuff these next couple days, and I thought I'd post this early rather than late. This is kinda a long one, I felt we had a lot to deal with, a lot to get over, and I wanted to introduce a sorta familiar character in person, too. Thank you for your responses on the last chapter, most of you were very kind. I love these characters, and I'm trying to write them in the ways that best fits the people we loved from canon, just shifted to fit this universe, so your lovely feedback is always appreciated. Anyway, here's Chapter 9, I'm gonna go enjoy my birthday weekend! And if you enjoy the chapter, please leave a review!

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Chuck, eggnog, charms, or mothers.

* * *

 **The Gift**

When she reaches a lull in her work, she sits back, stretches a little, and reaches into her bag, pulling out a yellow envelope. She'd found it in the mail box this morning, address handwritten on it in an unfamiliar scrawl, but since they'd been running late to get Amy to daycare and for Sarah to still get to work on time, she'd just stuffed it into her bag and hurried to her car.  
Now, though, she's got some free time, and she cuts open the envelope swiftly, tugging out the contents and looking at them.

"Oh," she says in surprise, blinking, looking at the photographs in her hands. A note is in amongst them all, handwritten too, and Sarah smiles as she reads it.

 _Sarah,  
_ _I thought you'd like some of these. They turned out great.  
_ _-Ellie_

There's a little smiley face after the doctor's name, too, which makes Sarah chuckle.

Looking at the photographs, from Thanksgiving last month, Sarah has to agree. They're great. She's always loved taking pictures with Amy, keeping permanent memories and reminders with her little girl, and she finds herself just taking more and more as Amy grows, as they do more things to document. These photos, then, are no exception. The big group shots are funny, everyone laughing, and the last one of them is especially great, with Ellie and Devon smirking at each other, Morgan laughing into his hand, and Sarah and Amy both looking up at Chuck, Amy giggling, as Chuck laughs down at her. It's brilliant, it almost looks like something perfect from a Hallmark card.

At least, Sarah thinks it does, until she shifts through to the pictures of her and Amy. The candids are beautiful, sweet and real, and the ones with Chuck, though posed, look just... They look like a family, the three of them. But there's a picture Sarah hadn't even known was taken, one that must have been just before they'd smiled at the camera, and it looks truly, truly perfect. Chuck is tickling Amy's stomach, the little girl mid-giggle, beaming wide, and Sarah is smiling down at her too. She thinks, absentmindedly, that she'll need to get some new photo frames for her desk, even though she's got so many already there's basically no space for more. But this picture needs framed, and she wants to put the group picture on display, too. So anyone who sees her desk can see the friends, the family, the life she has. It's a little proud for her, she knows, but she almost wants to show it off to everyone.

As she adds photo frames to the ever-present shopping list in her head, she pulls out her cell phone, dialing Ellie's number and tapping her pencil against the desk as she waits to see if the doctor will pick up. After a few rings, she does.

"Sarah, hey," she says, smile in her voice. "Did you get the photographs?"

"I did," She grins. "That's kinda why I'm calling. Thank you, Ellie, they're great, I love them. I'm gonna put some up on my desk at work."

Ellie chuckles.  
"I'm glad you like them. I sent a couple to Chuck, too, they just turned out so good."

She smiles at that, though wonders just what Chuck might have done with his copies, if he'll have framed his too and put them up in his apartment, or if he's maybe put them in his locker at the Buy More, or if, maybe, he's done nothing at all. Maybe after how Thanksgiving went, he wouldn't want reminders of it in plain view. Though these photos are a happy memory, other moments from that day, the way she'd acted, are much less so. Shaking her head, she moves on.  
"Well, I actually also wanted to call to ask you something about Chuck?"

"Oh yeah?" Ellie asks, a lead in her voice, and Sarah tries not to roll her eyes. Not that, Ellie.

"Amy wants to get him something for Christmas, and she's got her own ideas, but I thought he might appreciate something more than just a drawing, or funny socks she found in a store. Currently, those are her plans,"

A snort of laughter sounds on the line before Ellie clears her throat.  
"Okay. And you don't know what to get him?"

"No. I mean, I thought video games or something, but I don't know what he's already got and I don't want to get him something he wouldn't like." She's tried to wrack her brain for ideas, but she's coming up short. It's hard to know what to buy the guy you've kissed and who your daughter adores but who you've also led to believe you don't want to be with, on fear of him being killed by a rogue CIA prisoner.

"Yeah," Ellie hums thoughtfully, pausing. "I, um, I do actually have another photo, I don't think you knew I took it, so I didn't send it to you, but I don't think Chuck did either, so I haven't really known what to do with it. It would be nice, to give it to him."

She nods, even while curious about what this picture may be.  
"That could work. I've got another photograph I quite like, I could give him that one, too. He, um, he and Amy both fell asleep on the couch one night, watching a movie," she says, blushing for some reason and feeling glad Ellie can't see her across the phone. "I showed it to him, but he's probably forgotten about it."

Ellie chuckles.  
"That's a little like the one I have, I think. Those would be nice, with something from Amy, too. And maybe, I don't know, some kinda scotch? Like a little bottle? Or something nerdy, maybe? Chuck isn't very picky, Sarah, trust me."

"Okay," She laughs, making a mental note to try and find something nerdy in a store. "I'll do those, then."

"Speaking of, what do you guys do for Christmas? I, uh, I won't invite you for another holiday, I promise, I'm just curious." Ellie says, and Sarah laughs softly.

"We have our own Christmas Eve thing, there's this old Sesame Street movie we've watched the past couple years, right before Amy goes to bed, so we'll do that again. And she gets to open one present the night before, I got her a little... dollhouse castle thing. Other than that, it's just cocoa, leaving out milk and cookies, normal stuff. I'll end up trying not to wake Amy up when I set out all the presents—she's got really good hearing," Ellie laughs down the line, and Sarah grins, though she wasn't quite joking. Amy's ears seem to be tuned to the sound of crinkling paper, some days, and she's sure it's the three-year-old version of spy senses activating. "And then I'm heading to my mother's after Christmas, for New Year's. She'll spoil Amy totally, I'm sure."

"That sounds nice," Ellie says, a smile in her voice. "A Bartowski Christmas is a little weird, we watch The Twilight Zone in our pajamas,"

Sarah laughs.  
"Of course you do, of course Chuck does. Is he spending Christmas with you guys, then?"

"Yeah," she hums. "I mean, he's moved out, obviously, but we still like to do most holidays together. I think it just being us together growing up, developing our own traditions, it's kinda hard to want to do much else. Although, if there was a good enough reason, I'm sure we could bring in new traditions..."  
Sarah knows what Ellie is hinting at, quite clearly, actually. That perhaps the Walker Christmas traditions wouldn't be so hard for the Bartowskis to take up.

And so she forces a soft laugh, shakes her head, relieved when she sees one of her team standing up at their desk, grabbing papers, likely heading her way.  
"Ugh, okay, I need to get back to work, I'm calling you in my office, which I'm not really supposed to be doing."

"Alright, talk to you later, Sarah- and I'll send you that photo," she says, almost conspiratorially. "I'll mail the copies today, you should get it in a couple days."

"Thanks, Ellie," Despite herself, she smiles. Ellie is a good friend, and though Sarah hates herself for essentially lying to the woman about herself and Chuck, even about her past, and Bryce, she also appreciates her friendship, her kindness, sending her photographs and helping organize a gift for Chuck.

"Bye," Ellie murmurs, a smile in her voice, and with that, the phone clicks off.

Sarah heaves a heavy breath as she slumps forward in her chair. In the few times they've spoken since Thanksgiving, Ellie has increasingly become less and less subtle in her hints about Sarah and Chuck, even though nothing new has happened since that holiday. Nothing has changed.

They've had movie nights, still, with Chuck coming over after dinner, watching a movie, Amy wedged between him and Sarah, and when the movie wraps up Amy goes to bed and Chuck goes home, and Sarah sits in her apartment, alone. She's had no further visits from Bryce, no signs of Caria moving in, no sense again that someone is watching her, closing on them, trying to hurt them. It's all just the same. Except Chuck kissed her, and it was amazing, and he thinks she's not interested, and she's pretending she's not interested, but she doesn't want to push him away because she is very much interested, and it's just tough. It would be tough without a three-year-old involved, but with Amy in the mix, increasingly happiest when Chuck is around, increasingly becoming attached to him, and attached to him with Sarah, it's basically impossible. She doesn't know what he must think of her, after Thanksgiving. Saying she can't be with him, and then a half hour later clinging to his hand, sleeping on his shoulder. She's heard of mixed messages before, but she's pretty sure her messages were polar opposites. She just doesn't know what to do, where to go. If Chuck got hurt because of her, she knows she'd never forgive herself. But staying back is hurting them, too- running away from every moment, never talking things through, she hates that.

She sighs, looks at the picture of the three of them again, that candid one. Amy's looking at Chuck adoringly, mid-giggle, and Sarah's looking down at her with a loving grin. And Chuck, looks exactly the same as her. Warm smile, affection in his eyes, caring for the little girl. They made it there even after that kiss, so Sarah knows, they can get there again. They just need to regain their equilibrium, their balance, get things back together, controlled. And take it slow.

And hopefully, Sarah thinks, Christmas will be the time to do that. She's not sure when, yet, but she knows a day with Chuck sometime in the holiday will be necessary, to exchange gifts but also to spend time with him before they part, if Chuck is going to Ellie's on Christmas Day and Sarah and Amy are flying to her mother's on the 26th, not returning until early January. Hopefully, that day, they can get back to where they should be. When it's just the three of them, uncomplicated, warm and loving, like a family. Or at least letting them pretend to be one.

But she'll think about how to do that tomorrow, during their movie night, not today. Today, she's got more work to do, and an evening of Christmas decorating with her daughter planned. Seeing that a member of her team is indeed standing outside her door, poised to knock, she waves them in, letting work take over. Worrying about Chuck can be for another day.

* * *

"Mommy, when's he coming here?" Amy calls, and Sarah pretends they didn't just have this conversation ten minutes ago.

"It should be soon, baby, he had work, remember?"

Amy sighs, looks back at her coloring sadly, swinging her feet in the air where she lies on her stomach.  
"I know." She sounds a little sad, and Sarah pulls a face.

"Ames, c'mere," she says, and Amy stands, heading over to the couch. Sarah scoops her up, sits her in her lap. "Chuck is a great friend, but you know he has his own life, and his job, and his friends. You know he can't be here all the time."

"I know," Amy repeats, pouting and chewing on her lip. "I wish he was."

She smiles sadly, strokes Amy's hair. Sometimes, with all the fairy tales and dreamy stories they watch and read, the little girl can believe a little too much in the power of wishes.

"He can't be, baby. I mean, I'm not here all the time, I work, and you go to daycare, spend time with Jenny and your friends."

"Not _all_ the time," Amy clarifies, like she'd meant that from the start. "I wish he's here when you and me are here."

Sarah holds back an aching sigh.  
"But that would mean he wouldn't get to see Dr Ellie, or Morgan... It wouldn't be fair to him. I'm your Mom, that's why I get to be here all the time." She nuzzles Amy's cheek, and the little girl giggles.

"Okay." With that, she plants a kiss on Sarah's cheek, and Sarah chuckles just as a knock sounds on their door. Amy pulls back and gasps. "Chuck!"  
And with that, Sarah knows the entire conversation she's had with her daughter is basically moot. She rolls her eyes not unkindly as she stands, heads to the door, Amy jumping up and down at the side happily. Sarah had tried to stop checking the peephole when she heard a knock on her door, Chuck's knock being so upbeat and silly she can recognize it by ear, but when Bryce had told her about Caria, she'd started again, even if the knock sounds the same. All it would take would be Caria watching Chuck one time, then copying it, and he'd have a free pass into her home. To Amy.

She'd forgotten how entirely paranoid the spy life makes you.

Pushing those unhappy thoughts away- it's Christmas Eve, after all-, she checks it is indeed Chuck waiting in the hall, and when it is, opens the door.

"Hey," he says, smiling all slow, and Sarah takes in his appearance of jeans, a Christmas t-shirt, and hands full of shiny Christmas gift bags, before Amy bounces into view.

"Chuck Chuck Chuck!" she chants, and the man in question laughs.

"Hey, bug," She rushes to hug him and he holds up the bags. "Wait a second, let me put these down first,"

Sarah steps aside, and he moves past her with a smile, setting down the gifts before he turns to Amy, who's already launching herself at him. He deftly catches her in mid-air, and she squeals as he tickles her sides before hugging her close.

And Sarah just watches, closing the door, heart yearning. She'd never imagined she'd find anyone as good with Amy as Chuck is, not in a million years.

He turns to her with another smile, settles Amy on his hip.  
"Hey," he repeats, apparently realizing his first hello got lost in Hurricane Amy.

Sarah grins.  
"Hi, Chuck,"

He leans down, plants a brief kiss to her cheek, making her heart flutter just a bit.  
"Merry Christmas. And..." He looks back at Amy, boops her nose. "Merry Christmas, Amy."

She cheers, wiggling in his grip, and he laughs as he sets her on the ground, moves to the bags. One is labeled Amy, the other Sarah, both shining red, though Amy's is a little larger, unsurprisingly to Sarah. There's already a ridiculous amount of presents for the three-year-old stuffed into her closet, under her bed, hidden in drawers. Thankfully, Amy's past her overly inquisitive stage, no, that was last Christmas, when she'd almost found half of her gifts as she waddled around their apartment and opened every shelf and drawer and door she could just for fun. This year, Amy hasn't found any, much to Sarah's relief.

Amy gasps, reaching for her bag, and Chuck keeps one hand on it as she tugs it over to the tree, sets it underneath with the few presents she's received from other people, next to the one gift Sarah had placed there early this morning that Amy will open in a couple hours.

"Ames?" She calls, and Amy looks around, hair flying. "D'you wanna go get Chuck his gifts? Be very careful with them, though,"

Amy nods with a grin, running off to her room, and Sarah just hopes the bag isn't too heavy. The frames are light, and the bottle of scotch she'd gotten him was just a miniature, so Amy should be fine.

"How's she been today?" Chuck asks, smirking a little, and Sarah shrugs.

"As excited as you can imagine. I kept her occupied, though, we baked some sugar cookies, she did a lot of crafts." She points to a popsicle stick Christmas tree, hanging on their own Christmas tree, the decoration covered in stickers and glitter and blotchy paint.

"Wow."

Sarah chuckles.  
"How was work?"

"Ugh, busy," he says, pulling a face. "Why do people leave important shopping until Christmas Eve? Do they know we don't reduce the prices of laptops on the 24th just out of the goodness of our hearts? We have sales in November for a reason," He rolls his eyes, and she can't help but chuckle and step in, rubbing his arm a little.

"Would you like a drink? I have eggnog, the spiked variety." She narrows her eyes teasingly, and he grins, warm and melting.

"Anyone ever tell you you're a lifesaver, Sarah Walker?"

She smirks.  
"A couple times."

As she heads to the kitchen, feeling his eyes on her back, she hears light yet heavy footsteps, and turns to see Amy carefully walking out of her room, stomping a little as she tries to control her steps. She's holding a gift bag in her hands, the handle above her head so the bag doesn't touch the ground as she walks, and Sarah smiles at the sweet, determined sight.

Chuck swoops in, saying what a great job Amy did and taking the bag, and Sarah chuckles as she hears Amy giggle proudly. Heating up a spiked eggnog for herself and Chuck, and a mug of warm milk for Amy, since the little girl doesn't like the unspiked version of the holiday drink, Sarah soon walks through to the living room again, balancing all three mugs. Chuck takes one with a grateful smile, and she hands Amy hers carefully.

"Wait a minute or two, baby, it's hot,"

Amy nods seriously, holding the cup with both her little hands and setting it on a coaster on the coffee table.

Sarah sits next to Chuck on the couch, and they both listen to Amy telling some tale as they slowly sip their drinks. Eventually, Sarah leans forward, grins at her daughter.

"Ames? D'you wanna open some presents?"

Amy gasps, leaps toward her, and Sarah only just has time to pass her mug of eggnog to Chuck before Amy crashes into her lap.  
"Yes! Yes yes yes-"

"Okay, okay, calm down, baby." Giggling, Amy bounces up and down in her lap, blinking up at her and Chuck.

"'m calm."

"Okay, you can open your special present and then the gifts Chuck got you, yeah?" She turns to Chuck. "I thought we could do presents tonight, so Amy can thank you,"

"Yeah." Chuck grins. "I was hoping to give you yours in person,"

She blinks, because she hadn't really thought about what Chuck would get her, then sets a wriggly Amy down on the floor, watching as she rushes over to the tree. She tugs out the big wrapped box Sarah had put there earlier, using all her might to shuffle it a bit over the floor, until she flops down to sit, looking over at Sarah for approval.

"Yeah, go, Ames," she says, as she stands from the couch and moves around to sit near the tree too, in case Amy needs help opening any gifts, and Chuck follows suit, sitting on the floor, his legs stretched out long in front of him. Amy tears at the paper, throwing it wildly behind her, and Sarah tries not to groan but doesn't bother holding Amy back. Her glee is infectious, really, and Sarah would never want to stop it. Eventually, she's got most of the wrapping off, and she looks at the box with wide eyes.

"I love it!" She squeals, throwing her arms around Sarah, and Sarah chuckles as she cuddles her back. "Can I open it now, Mommy?"

"How about you open Chuck's presents first and then I'll see if I can get it out the box, yeah?"

At the prospect of more presents, Amy nods, and Sarah helps her move the bag Chuck had brought over, lightly tipping it so Amy can pull the wrapped gifts out of the bag. Once she's got them in her hands, she tears off the wrapping paper with her usual abandon, revealing toys that match the castle dollhouse Sarah had bought her, and Amy gasps. Chuck sends Sarah a wink, and she grins in reply. Much like she'd consulted Ellie for ideas, Chuck had been unsure of what to get Amy, so Sarah had given him a list. It looks like he delivered. There's a few more gifts than Sarah had suggested to him, though, so when Amy tugs out more out, Sarah's unsure what they may be.

The first turns out to be a t-shirt, light blue in color, with the word 'Bug' printed on the front, and Amy blinks at it.

"It says bug, bug," Chuck says, and she goes wide-eyed as she clutches the little shirt to her chest with a giggle. Chuck grins, turns to Sarah. "It's age 4 and a half sized, so she should get some time outta it,"

She just smiles at him softly, warmed by him always thinking of things like that, and turns back to find Amy opening another gift, a small rectangular box this time. Sarah recognizes the design printed on the outside of the box, and raises an eyebrow Chuck's way even as she reaches to Amy and helps her open the thing. When she pulls out the polystyrene top, a purple controller lies inside.

"Ooh, ooh, for Chuck's games!" Amy says elatedly, and when she takes it out to look at, Chuck leans in.

"Turn it over, bug," She does, and there, on the back, printed in silver, is the word _Amy_. Her very own personalized video game controller. "This way, when you come play games, you'll have your own controller to play with."

Amy nods fervently, running her finger over the name, before poking at a few of the buttons.  
"I love it!"

"What do you say, baby?" Sarah prompts, smiling at Amy's enthusiasm.

"Thank you, Chuck," She crawls over her gifts and makes her way to Chuck, hugging him tightly, and he chuckles softly before pulling back.

"You're welcome, Ames." She clambers back to her things, and Sarah looks at Chuck again as she leans over, starts opening up the dollhouse box for Amy to look at. He catches her eye and keeps speaking, a little quieter. "I know she doesn't play them much, but she was talking about them at movie night a couple weeks back, and I found this place online that does cheap personalization. I got one for Morgan, then I got Amy's half price."

Well, that eases Sarah's worry that it was an expensive gift, and she has no problem with it, but she now rather thinks they might as well get a matching games console so Amy can use the controller more than the few times she's played on Chuck's system. She'll think on that later, though, as she tugs out the castle, sets it in front of Amy, opens one of the packs of toys Chuck had bought so she can play a little.

"I'm gonna get some more drinks," she says, as she stands and collects the cups.

"You gotta open your presents, Mommy." Amy states, sounding a little aghast, and Sarah grins.

"I know, baby, I'll just get you some more milk and you can look at your castle while Chuck and I get our presents, yeah?"

"Okay." She nods, and as Sarah heats some more drinks she watches as Chuck shuffles over to Amy, helps her open little parts of the castle, opening a door, moving some stairs. She smiles, once more so keenly aware of just how good he is with Amy, how much he gets her, how well she responds to him.

When she comes back, fresh drinks in hand, Chuck has shifted back and his bag of presents is in front of him, Sarah's in the empty space where she's due to sit. She hands Chuck his mug, sets Amy's down on the coffee table since the little girl is still engrossed with her new toy. She's making someone walk about in the castle, humming a little.

"Me first?" Chuck asks, sounding a little like an eager child, a little like Amy, even, and Sarah chuckles into her eggnog as she sits down.

"Sure."

He pulls out Amy's gifts initially, first a drawing covered in glitter, with a squiggle supposed to be Chuck plus two squiggles supposed to be Sarah and Amy. Sarah had had to get Amy to triple check who was who before she wrote little annotations at the bottom.

"We're at the park." Amy states soundly, nodding as she looks over from the dollhouse, and Chuck hums.

"We should go to the park."

"We should," Sarah says, smiling, adding that to the list of things to do after New Year's. Next Chuck pulls out the craft Amy had made, a block of wood decorated with various things, dried pasta among other items. Sarah had drawn 'Chuck' in a neat outline at Amy's insistence, and the word is still more or less visible now, each letter filled in.

"You are quite the artist, bug," he says, and Amy looks up from her toy again, beams. Chuck smiles as he sets the block down, pulling out the novelty socks. Sarah had been right, Amy had proudly chosen a ridiculous pair with fuzzy pompoms acting as reindeer noses on the toes. Chuck blinks. "Sarah, your daughter has an eclectic taste,"

She snorts, swats his arm, and he fakes diving out of the way as he reaches back into the bag. They're now onto her gifts for him, and Sarah ignores the slight butterflies filling her stomach at the idea. She's a little nervous, with their history, about how he might take the photographs. Are images of them, so blissful and idyllic and happy, paired with what he thinks she feels for him, or doesn't feel, just leading him on? Is their whole relationship, him being here, just that right now? Giving him false hope for something she doesn't know can ever happen?  
Since the frames are wrapped and in Chuck's reach, she can hardly undo it all now.

He finds the scotch first, declaring it fancy and nodding approvingly, then the book Sarah had only found a couple days ago in a bookstore near her office. It's titled 'The Ultimate Book of the Nerd', a silly parody book, and as Chuck flicks through a few pages he snorts in amusement, and she grins. And then, come the photographs, set in a matching pair of wooden frames she'd bought. They're both wrapped together, just individually in bubble wrap beneath the paper, and she takes a gulp of eggnog as he tears open the wrapping, curious look on his face.

When he undoes the bubble wrap on both, the look falls.

"Oh." He blinks at both pictures- the first the one Ellie had sent. It's of Chuck and Sarah and Amy on the couch, at Thanksgiving. Both girls are asleep, and Chuck is sat watching the TV, head resting against Sarah's, hand modestly resting on her leg. Ellie must have snapped it during You've Got Mail. When Sarah had first laid eyes on it, her heart had started pounding in her chest, out of control, and it still makes her feel about the same now. It just looks so perfect, so simple, even though that day had been anything but between her and Chuck. It shows the ease she has, with him, to let her guard down like that, fall asleep by his side. Her spy instincts and training may be long since faded now, but she rarely trusts someone the way she trusts Chuck, and to see that printed in living color, tangible in her hand, had almost been overwhelming. To realize what she has, here, and what she has to lose. The second photograph is the one of him and Amy asleep on the couch in this very room, Amy curled up next to Chuck while he dozed, after that long shift he'd had. Sarah loves it just as much now as she did then. Both pictures, perfect, them. Sleeping, no pretences, no drama and struggles.

"I wanted you to have them," she murmurs, not quite looking at him.

"I'd never seen this one." He lifts the one from Thanksgiving. "Was that..."

"Yeah. Ellie sent it to me. I just, I like how we look in it. Normal." She shrugs a shoulder. "Happy."

When things had, for a point, felt anything but.

He looks up at her, licks his lips, nods.  
"Me too."

"And- and the other one is just... sweet." She clears her throat, forces herself to meet his gaze full-on. He is as open as ever, eyes boring into hers, oh so intense. She can't look away. "Chuck, you're a very big, and a very important part of our lives. Both of us."

He nods.  
"I know."

"No." she says, because she really doesn't think he does. He raises an eyebrow, gaze questioning, and she hates the way her breath trembles as she holds it. "I mean it, both of us. I know that, that I'm not very good at being clear about this, and... I'm sorry, about that. But you're so important to us. I hope you know that." She widens her eyes, imploring, begging him to understand. That just because they can't be together, right now, that she can't do this because she needs to keep him safe, just because of that it doesn't mean that she doesn't care about him. Because she does, oh, so much.

His eyes glinting, realization dawning, he sniffs, nods, looks away.  
"I do." He clears his throat. "You should get to yours."

Taking the out as she knows he wants her to, she opens her bag, seeing three wrapped things inside. One is suspiciously bottle-shaped, and when she opens it she finds a bottle of not-that-cheap wine, red.

He shrugs, smirks.  
"I figured I owed you back for the movie night that time,"

She narrows her eyes, thinking back to that night after Halloween. That he's remembered it isn't really surprising, it was an important night for them, but that he's thought to owe her back and then some just for a glass of wine, is a little different. It's somehow very Chuck.  
"You know you didn't owe me anything for that." She mutters, looking at the bottle again. "But this looks really nice,"

"Well, I try," he says, with a crooked grin, and she ignores the way her pulse begins to race at just the sight of him as she sets the bottle down and reaches for her next gift. When she unwraps it, she finds a set of three books, historically-set. "I noticed you had a couple on your shelves. I don't suppose you get much time to read, with the bug, but it gives you a start, I guess," As he chuckles a little self-deprecatingly, she tries not to shake her head. Just how observant is this damn man? Spying books she has on her shelf, and somehow guessing one of her favorite genres (romance is often too sappy for her, and spy or crime thrillers are a little too close to her once-home, but historical fiction tends to suit her just nicely), then getting her some for Christmas? He's unbelievable, in so many ways.

Thanking him and setting the books down, she reaches for the final gift. It feels soft beneath the wrapping, and she opens it to find a little mesh jewelry bag, something chained and silver nestled inside.

"Oh," she says, much like Chuck had with the photographs, and he shuffles a little closer.

"Can I-?"

She nods, hands him the bag, and he undoes the strings, lifts out the item inside, holds it up so it catches the light.

"Oh," she says again. It's a charm bracelet. Not new, she thinks, but loved, worn, with a history. "It's beautiful."

Chuck smiles, lifts half his mouth.  
"It's good luck, or so we've always said." He undoes the catch, opens it, and Sarah lifts her sleeve so her wrist is free, reaching out. He fastens the bracelet on as he keeps speaking. "It was my mom's charm bracelet, my dad gave it to her, when Ellie was born."

Her jaw drops as she looks down at the precious item on her wrist, with a history indeed. Even though she knows she has to protest, she reaches out, touches it with her other hand, feels the cool metal, the detailed charms.

"Oh, Chuck, I can't take this," she says, feeling the weight of its history, its meaning. This is an heirloom, as old as Ellie, worn by Chuck's mother who isn't in their lives anymore. Sarah can't have it, she just can't, it's not fair. "This is something important, something you should give to someone important, someone who's gonna be here, someone you..."

She trails off as Chuck nods, shrugging a shoulder. His hands still hold her right, where the bracelet sits, and oh so slowly his thumb sweeps up and down the back of her hand, touch searing as ever.  
"I know," he murmurs, voice so soft. "Both of you, right?"

Oh god, she thinks, as she looks into his eyes, sees the truth there, the acceptance. This man, this wonderful man, has completely fallen for her, and though he thinks she can't return that, he's still giving her this, something so significant, so big.

She shakes her head, but it's not in refusal. How could she ever make him take this back? Not when she actually does feel for him, a lot, not when she wishes she could be that person to be there with him, that someone important, wholly, truly, not just at a distance. Not when, if it seems he's fallen for her, then she's definitely fallen for him, too. She leans in, slips her arms around him, feeling him sigh against her shoulder when she rests against him. She feels so right, being held by him, like this is where she's supposed to be, her, and Chuck, her daughter just an arm's length away.

When she pulls back, Chuck sends her a crooked smile, small, one she returns in kind, but she keeps her hands on his arm, slips them down until they find his hand, and she moves so she's leaning back against him, moving his arm around her until he gets what she's intending, and he encircles her waist, gently, softly. She rests her head back against his shoulder, relishes in the calm, the warmth, and he pulls her in a little closer as they both watch Amy, the little girl still humming, moving toys around. She must feel the eyes on them, for she looks up, grins happily, then looks back down again, thinking absolutely nothing of her mother being so close to their neighbor, not even blinking.

Because Sarah knows Amy already thinks of Chuck as a staple in their lives, her protests before he arrived this evening showed that, the way she hadn't wanted to let go of him at Thanksgiving, the way she loves their movie nights, the way she'd wanted to give him so many things for Christmas. The drawing she'd worked on, the three of them together, at the park, already changed from the first picture she'd drawn Chuck. Then, it was just him- and a lizard. Now, it's the three of them, one little unit. Because that's what she thinks of them as, now. And that's what Sarah thinks of them as now, too.

She just takes a deep breath, leans back against Chuck and nestles into his arms, rests her hand over his own on her hip, and takes it all in.

* * *

She holds back a yawn as she steps out of the cab, Amy sleepily in tow. Flights always seem to take it out of the little girl, more than road trips or trains ever do, and Sarah always finds if she seems tired, Amy latches onto it, and gets more tired herself.  
The cab driver hops around to the trunk, helps in lifting the three very heavy bags out of the car and onto the sidewalk, and Sarah smiles gratefully as she pays the man, tipping generously. It's the day after Christmas, after all.

"Mommy," Amy says, reaching up her arms, and Sarah strokes her little girl's hair as she shakes her head.

"I gotta carry these bags, baby, just go up the steps, it's not a long walk."

Sighing, Amy trudges up the stairs, and Sarah tries not to frown as she hauls two of their suitcases up onto the porch, followed by the other one, that one mainly full of gifts. A few are wrapped, about to be opened, but most are the ones Amy couldn't bear to part with so soon after opening them, and so they'd had to journey to the Midwest with them. Sarah knows more gifts will just have to come back with them to LA when they return, but Amy was a little down as they packed things yesterday evening, and she hadn't been able to say no to taking some extra items.

Though Christmas carried her through, Sarah knows Amy was a little sad when Chuck had left them on Christmas Eve, and once the presents and Christmas TV were over on the 25th, dinner complete, Amy had kept looking over at the door, a little wanting, a little morose. Maybe it's just Chuck, maybe it's the holiday in general, but adding a long journey to it seems to have made her even more downtrodden, much to Sarah's displeasure. She ruffles Amy's hair as she reaches her on the porch, scooping her up now as she rings the doorbell.

A few moments later, the door opens, and her mother appears on the other side, smiling warmly.

"There's my girls," She says with a grin, and thankfully Amy perks up, giggling. "Come here, sweetie," Emma reaches for the little girl, and Amy goes willingly, cuddling into her grandmother, stepping back as Sarah steps inside, one of the suitcases in hand.

"Hey, Mom," she murmurs, giving her mother a one-armed hug so as not to crush Amy. Emma beams, reaching up and cupping Sarah's cheek. It's almost like she knows that maybe both of them could do with some comforting right now.

"Hi, honey. How are you, how was the journey?" she asks, stepping back.

Sarah shrugs, brings in the next two suitcases with Emma still holding Amy.  
"Long. We were late leaving, a passenger not on board or something, I don't know." She darts her eyes to Amy, currently yawning, and Emma nods, understanding why the littlest member of the family is a little more sleepy than usual. "But I'm good, tired."

"Okay, time for coffee and something to eat, I think," She bounces Amy. "Then presents, huh?"

Amy giggles again, nodding.  
"Presents."

Tapping Amy's nose, Emma sways through the house to where Sarah knows the kitchen is, and she stays in the entranceway as she watches her mother go. Kneeling down, she tugs open one of the bags, pulls out the wrapped gifts for her mom. They're just generic nice things, gloves, candles, a thick-knit cardigan. Strangely enough, in the end it was easier for Sarah to think of stuff to get for Chuck than it was for her mother. The rift between them isn't as big as it used to be, but they're hardly at the World's Best Mom mug and socks gift set stage, and that's all a quick internet search had managed to suggest a daughter buy her mother.

As the scent of coffee fills the air, quiet conversation drifting from the kitchen, Sarah stands again, this time looking around her mother's home. She's been here so few times, the first being that time she'd visited with Amy just a few months old. It was only the third time Sarah had seen her mother since she was a child- the first and second was when Emma had come to visit her in Washington and then New York when Sarah was pregnant, just after she'd called to break the news.  
In amongst all the awkwardness, the sense of barely knowing the woman in front of her, when her mother had hugged her for the first time in years, a peace had come over Sarah. A sense that it was all going to be okay. It was the first time she'd felt that since marching out of the CIA headquarters, gun-less and badge-less.

And so she still doesn't really know this home, only visits a few times a year, but she swears each time she's here there's a new decoration on a shelf, a new trinket, a new homely little thing. Most shelves, though, are proudly decorated with pictures of Sarah, and Amy. Sarah as a child, then Amy, her double at the same age. Various ones of them both together, Sarah holding her little girl. That picture of Sarah, sleeping with baby Amy on her chest, sits proudly on the mantle.

It's like Emma likes to show her family to all who visits, like she's proud of that. Similar to how Sarah had felt in wanting to put one of the group photos of everyone from Thanksgiving up on her desk at work, and the one of her, Chuck, and Amy. A family. For all to see.

"Sarah?" Emma calls.

The name always sounds so odd coming from her, Sarah thinks. It's the same soft tone her mother has always had, the same kindness, but in a different name to the one she'd said when Sarah was growing up. She turns, seeing her mother behind her, a coffee in hand, Amy following behind and clutching a sandwich. Emma offers one of the cups, and Sarah smiles and takes it gratefully. When she reaches out, the bracelet on her wrist glints in the light. She hasn't been able to take it off.  
"Thanks," she murmurs, sipping the drink, but Emma quirks an eyebrow.

"That's a nice bracelet. Was that a gift?"

"Yeah! Chuck gave it to Mommy!" Amy says happily, gnawing on her snack, completely unaware of the weight of what she's saying.

Emma blinks.  
"Chuck?"

"Um." Sarah swallows, wondering quite how to get out of explaining all this while Amy's still here. She smiles at her little girl, leaning down and wiping a couple of crumbs from her cheek. "Let's sit down and open presents, then we'll talk, yeah bug?"

Thankfully, Amy nods, not saying more about Chuck, and she hops over to the Christmas tree in her grandmother's living room, flopping down onto the carpeted floor and giggling excitedly at the many shining gifts underneath. Emma sends Sarah a look, but moves forward anyway, and Sarah brings over the presents she'd pulled out of the suitcase as Amy starts excitedly unwrapping her gifts. Once more, there are toys, shoes and clothes, in multitudes, some of the toys matching the brand of the dollhouse Amy just received (the castle itself thankfully didn't come on this trip with them, Sarah managed to hold out against that, at least), until the little girl is surrounded by gifts and a matching towering pile of crumpled paper.

Sarah opens her own gifts that had been under the tree, finding a nice shirt, some books, a thick notepad, nice things her mother knows she'll use and wear and read. Emma receives her own gifts with a smile, and of course also gets the customary craft and drawing by Amy. Amy takes the offered cuddle from her grandmother, but as she does so, Sarah heads back to the suitcase, slipping open the inside pocket and sliding out an envelope she'd placed there earlier.

"I thought you might like these, too," she murmurs, handing them over to her mom, and Amy stays cuddled against Emma as the older woman opens the envelope with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh, they're lovely," she says as she eyes the photos, then shows one to Amy. "When was this, Amy?"

"Halloween!" she says, excitedly. "Chuck took it!"

"Again with... Chuck." Emma says, knowingly, and Sarah resists the urge to blush, just looking back at her mother, not even blinking. She gnaws on her lip before caving, giving her mother something to know, at least.

"Okay, Chuck is our neighbor. He lives in the apartment opposite us."

Emma nods, looking at another photograph in her hand, and Amy squeals.  
"That's Chuck!" she says, poking at the picture, and this time, Emma just looks up at Sarah, glint in her eye. Sarah just widens her own eyes, implies, later, and thankfully, her mother seems to relent, smiling down at Amy.

"Who else is in this, then?"

"Dr Ellie, and Dr Captain Awesome, Mr Morgan, and Mommy and me!"

Tickling Amy's side, Emma chuckles.  
"Are they your friends, Amy?"

"Mmhm!" Amy says, and Sarah grins at her daughter's perception of it before explaining.

"Ellie is Chuck's sister, she invited us for Thanksgiving. The other photo is from then, too," On cue, Emma turns to the last photograph, one of just Sarah and Amy in front of the fireplace that day. She'd thought about giving her mother one of the ones with Chuck, too, that lovely candid, but decided against it, and with her mother's sly looks now, she's glad. Unfortunately, Sarah got her intuition from her mother and her father, not just Jack Burton alone. Though her mom didn't become a spy or a con artist, she's got her wits, still, good instincts, and she can clearly tell that there is something about Chuck she's missing out on. But Sarah won't breach that until Amy is in bed, at least. Which thankfully or not, should be soon.

Emma smiles.  
"I'll get some frames and put these up, thank you, honey,"

She smiles, but against her mother, Amy yawns.  
"I think it might be bedtime, bug," Amy nods, rubbing her eyes, a true sign of her exhaustion that she's relenting this easy. "Mom, can I draw a bath?"

"Sure. You never got anything to eat, I'll make you a sandwich while you get Amy to sleep, okay?"

She'd protest, but she knows there's no arguing with her mother on this. There'd be no arguing if Amy tried to get out of eating dinner, after all. Becoming a mom let Sarah understand so much about what her own mother would've gone through when she was young, and also realize how much losing touch with Sarah would've hurt. Losing touch with Amy, letting her go with somebody else, Sarah couldn't even imagine it, now.  
And so she just nods, smiling at her mom.

"Say g'night to Grandma, Ames. We'll spend more time with her tomorrow."

Amy smiles sleepily up at Emma, cuddling in and planting a rather sloppy kiss on her cheek.  
"Night Grandma. Love you."

She chuckles softly, strokes Amy's hair.  
"I love you too, Amy," Kissing her crown, she sits up, hands Amy over to Sarah, and she scoops her up warmly, holding her tight.

These moments are still so strange, sometimes, to Sarah. That she's gone from being a spy, disconnected from her family and not having seen her mother for years, to being a mother herself, having left the spy life behind, staying with her Mom for the holidays, about to run a bath for her three-year-old and tuck her into bed.  
Well, she thinks, as she climbs the stairs, looking out the window that overlooks the street outside, not quite having left the spy life. The road is clear, though, and she'd been doubly cautious on the flight out. No sign of Caria. But just the thought he could be near is enough, and Sarah hates it. Hates that she has to be this vigilant, again. Hates that her past is coming back to haunt her.

She cuddles Amy closer as she reaches the bathroom, setting the little girl on the ground as she leans in to turn the faucet. A realization dawns, though, when the tub is half full, and she curses internally.

"Ames, stay right here, and don't touch the water-"

"Pajamas?" Emma says, and Sarah turns to find her mother just approaching the bathroom, Amy's little pajamas in hand. The very thing Sarah had forgotten to bring up. She takes them with a sheepish grin.

"Thanks,"

"Always." her mom says. Sarah knows she means it.

Bath time is a quick, sleepy affair, and when Amy's dry and squeaky clean Sarah wrangles her into her warm fluffy pajamas, the pair she's only worn once in California so far. The one plus to Sarah's mother living in the Midwest is Amy's winter clothes are useful again. By the time Sarah carries Amy through to the room that's essentially designated theirs in this house, the little girl is basically asleep, and she tucks her under the covers, safe, secure.

"Mommy?"

She pulls up a chair, sits down.  
"Yeah, baby?" She reaches out, tucks a curl behind Amy's ear. Amy latches onto her arm gently, pokes the charm bracelet around Sarah's wrist.

"'s pretty," she murmurs, blinks slow against her pillow.

"It is," Sarah smiles, reaching out and covering Amy's little hand with her own, squeezing briefly before letting go. "Chuck was very nice to give it to me."

"Chuck's nice. I like Chuck a lot." She sighs with a content smile, closing her eyes sleepily, and Sarah worries her lip while her daughter isn't looking.

"He is nice, bug."

"I miss him."  
The words aren't even a surprise anymore, to Sarah. Her daughter just being that open and honest, about the man they both like so much, isn't a surprise.

An ache in her chest leads her to be the one sighing now.  
"Well, maybe you can call him tomorrow?" she says, clutching at a vague idea, but rather hoping they can make it happen.

Amy nods, hair shuffling against the pillow.  
"Yeah. 'Be nice." Her hand falls from where she'd still been holding the bracelet, eyes blinking slower.

"Sleep, baby, okay?" She strokes her cheek, watching as Amy fights more to stay awake. "That's all for tomorrow,"

"Okay."

"I love you, Amy,"

Amy smiles, eyes still closed, on the brink of blissful sleep.  
"Love you too, Mommy."

She leans down, kisses Amy's cheek, and when she sits up, Amy's out. Smiling, and turning the nightlight on, she stands and heads downstairs to where her mother sits on the couch. On the armchair, sits a sandwich, and a glass of water is on the coffee table.

She smirks, sits down and scoops up the plate.  
"Thanks. And thanks for the pajamas, I'd forgotten I hadn't taken the suitcases up yet,"

"It's fine," Emma says, grinning and waving a hand. "I once forgot to _pack_ pajamas for you on vacation, so you're already doing better than I did sometimes,"

She chuckles at the anecdote, takes a bite of her sandwich, and they sit in silence for a few moments until Sarah sighs.  
"You can ask, you know. Get it over with."

Emma smirks, nods.  
"Chuck." she starts, and Sarah nods.

"Like I said, he's our neighbor. He lives across the hall." she explains, eating more in the hopes of ending the conversation. It doesn't work—her mother shifts, leans in.

"And you spent Thanksgiving with his family."

"Yes. Amy... took a shine to him, when we first moved in. She made him come over for cake," She chuckles at the memory, Amy accosting Chuck in the hall that day. It feels like a lifetime ago, somehow, yet also no time at all. Like all the time with him has sped past before she could really take it all in. "He comes over once a week for a movie night with Amy, and I've met up with his sister a few times. It's nice, having friends like that. People to spend time with."

Her mother nods sympathetically.  
"I'm glad you found that. LA seems to have been good to you, both."

"Yeah," She smiles, thinking on it all. "Amy's a lot happier, I think. And meeting Chuck and his family has made her more confident, more talkative, with new people, which I'm hoping is a good sign."

"It will be, honey. But... that doesn't quite explain the bracelet." Sarah sighs, goes back to her sandwich. Even as she does so, the bracelet on her wrist glints traitorously in the light yet again. Emma smiles a little, awkwardly. "I know we're not good with this kind of conversation, but are you and him...?"

She shakes her head, emphatic.  
"No." she says, shaking her head. "We're not."

Apparently not believing that, her mother raises an eyebrow.  
"I don't wanna push you, you know that. But I can tell he makes Amy happy, just from how she talked about him. I- I think he makes you happy too, if that photo of you all is any sign. He's at least brought you happiness. So, why not…"

"We're just friends." she says, instantly, then pulls a face at that. It doesn't even sound right to her own ears. She knows refusing outright will just raise her mom's suspicions even more, too, and so she relents, just a little. "Sort of. I... I don't know, mom, it's complicated."

Emma just smiles lopsidedly, lifts a shoulder.  
"You can talk to me. I'm your mom, it's what I'm here for, y'know."

Rubbing at her temple and trying to work out what to say, Sarah sighs. How can she even quantify the many many thoughts in her mind, she wonders.  
"The bracelet was his mom's." she starts. "She- Neither of his parents are in his life, anymore, they both left. But his dad gave his mother this charm bracelet when Ellie, Chuck's sister was born."

"Wow," Emma raises an eyebrow, tone soft. "That's quite a gift for a friend."

"I know," she murmurs, picking at her sandwich to try and stay distracted. "Chuck... he wants to be more, I know that. But he's also accepting that I don't."

Looking up, she sees her mom frowning softly, eyes crinkled in sympathy.  
"I could be wrong, but you don't look like someone who doesn't want to be with him, right now."

"It's complicated," she says, again, on instinct. "Everything that happened with Bryce, makes it complicated, and Chuck knows about that and I know he doesn't want to hurt us." There's also, majorly, all the stuff with Caria, but Sarah doesn't want to worry her mother with that. It's bad enough, just Sarah being worried and not wanting Chuck to get hurt, but her mom knowing would stress her out, and she can't do that to her.

"Do you think he would? Hurt you, I mean?"

"Never." That, she knows for certain now. "But- he also knew Bryce. It's in his past, but Bryce sort of ruined Chuck's life, and that makes things even more confusing."

Her mom nods, listening.  
"I could imagine it would, yeah."

Sarah takes a deep breath, shaking her head.  
"Plus... I'm scared."

She just about stops herself from frowning at that. Where had that come from?

She's scared of Chuck getting hurt, of course, scared that getting too close to him would make him a target for Caria and his revenge, but Sarah knows, that's not the fear she's just thought about. That fear is something else.

Emma shifts up the couch until she's at the other end, reaching out and gently holding Sarah's arm. It makes something shift within her, the denial, the excuses, fading away, emotion and reality taking over.  
"Everyone's scared, Sa- Sarah. I don't think there's a person who goes through life not being at least a little scared, of something, of anything. Especially relationships."

She sighs, worries her lip, her feelings for Chuck overwhelming, suddenly.  
"Mom, he's so great. He's kind, and funny, and warm, and- and he's amazing with Amy. Sometimes he'll be with us, and it feels so... perfect. The three of us. It's what I should've had, y'know, but that's it's Chuck is just even better." Emma smiles, but Sarah just breathes, feeling the lump cloying in her throat, choking, unabating. Sudden tears burn behind her eyes, and she swallows, trying to make it all go away. "And what if we did decide to... And then something goes wrong, and it doesn't work? I don't wanna lose him, I don't wanna lose what we have. And I just keep losing people, Mom," She cuts herself off, voice choked, but Emma has seen enough.

"Oh, Sam, honey-" she murmurs, leaning forward, arms outstretched.

And as she falls into her mother, ignoring the silent tears in her eyes and just holding Emma close, Sarah feels, for the first time in a long time, exactly like Sam. Exactly like that little girl, safe with her mom, being held tight and comforted. It's a memory so faded in her mind she can barely recall it, but right now, this, is clear as day. Her mother strokes her hair, holds her close, murmurs soothing words in her ear, and eventually Sam fades away, and Sarah slowly returns, all the better for it. For having shared what she didn't even know she was feeling.

Because while Caria may be the main immediate issue right now, what's underlying her turning Chuck away and settling as they are, is pure fear. Because she just keeps losing people, everyone she's connected with or trusted or loved. Her father, gone. Mark, killed. Graham, a mentor, betraying her. Bryce, a lie, just walking away.

And she knows, losing them would somehow feel like nothing compared to how losing Chuck would feel.

Her mother shifts back, pushes some hair out of Sarah's eyes.  
"If he gave you that bracelet, I don't think you've got anything to worry about with losing him. I, I know I don't know him, I don't know his motivations, but he seems like the kind of person to not give away such a gift lightly, Sarah."

She sniffs, rubs a hand under her nose, feeling just a little bit silly.  
"I know. He's not."

"I know that you're scared, and I understand why. But I think you have to ask yourself what you're missing out on, not being with him. What you have right now might be great, but what you could have, that could be even better. Don't just run away from him, honey."

Swallowing, nodding tightly, Sarah musters up a smile. There's so much more within her relationship with Chuck, so many more hurdles and problems, but this, right now, she can fix.  
"I'll try."

"That's my girl,"

She chuckles, blushing a little, feeling like a kid again, needing comforted by her mom over a guy. But she never got to do this before, when she actually was a kid. It's nice to catch up to things, she thinks.

Emma sits back, smile a little watery, and Sarah laughs again.

"What am I like? Coming to you for the holidays and just unloading all this on you."

"Like I said, it's my job. Now, I want wine, do you want wine?"

Laughing, Sarah throws back her head, watches as her mother stands and heads into the kitchen determinedly. And amongst everything, the lingering fear and sadness, the strange feeling of connecting with her mother like that, repairing the rips that time caused between them, the constant worry over Caria in the back of her mind, the aching she feels for Chuck, amongst all that, is the thought that Sarah knows she'll follow her mother's advice. She won't run away anymore.

* * *

 **a/n 2:** I love Sarah's mother, as a character and all she represents, and also from canon, too. I wish we'd seen more of her and learnt more about her. Hopefully, you guys don't think my interpretation of her is too far-out, I've really liked exploring their relationship, trying to repair it a little because of Amy, but not going too far into perfect mother-daughter scenarios. Emma here is also partly me after any emotional conversation—anyone for wine? Anyway! I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter, Christmas can heal many a wound. The Thanksgiving awkwardness is over with, Sarah is finally being emotionally honest with herself, and thus we enter a slightly more comfortable Chuck, Sarah, and Amy time. I just had to write the bracelet in, though. What a moment. If you wanna share your thoughts, please leave a review on your way out, and I'll see you in a few days for chapter 10, 'The Park'!


	10. The Park

**summary:** Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they find a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

 **a/n:** Ahhh, another year older, and somehow a little creakier, here I am again. Thanks for your reactions to the last chapter, I had some incredibly lovely reviews and PMs from some of y'all so that was very kind. I love many of you, and you know who you are. A quick reminder to some people: Sarah here hasn't been a spy for four+ years, she has zero CIA resources, and, most significantly, she has a child. She has responsibilities she cannot just up and leave to go on an uncoordinated mission to find someone she doesn't even know the vaguest location of. Even in canon, Sarah protects Chuck against all else, there are literally times she doesn't chase the bad guy just to keep him safe (2x03, anyone?). That's just what she's doing here, with Chuck and with Amy. When it comes down to it, this whole fanfiction thing is just a bit of fun, me writing a silly story for this silly show we all loved, and I try to keep all of this as light and upbeat as possible. And that's all I have to say about that. Everyone who still likes what I'm doing, hooray, we keep going. Christmas in this story is done and we're into the New Year; New Years is a time for resolutions, of course, and Sarah will definitely be trying here to keep hers from the last chapter. I hope y'all enjoy this chapter, I'd wanted to have these guys venture out together for a while and this felt like a good time. If you do enjoy it, feel free to leave a review and let me know!

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Chuck, monkey bars, spaghetti, or tickling.

* * *

 **The Park**

The first thing she thinks as she wakes up, is that she's incredibly glad she booked an extra day off work. As she'd scheduled in her vacation time a few months ago, she'd almost chosen one less day than she eventually had, meaning she'd have headed back to work the day after they'd flown back from her mother's- or, today. Waking up this morning, though, Sarah is infinitely glad she'd had the foresight, and chosen one extra day.  
Because this morning, she is _tired_. When she was still a spy, traveling never used to take it out of her, she could hop from A to B to C on forty minutes of sleep and be right as rain. Traveling with a three-and-a-half year old, though, is a lot, whether they're tired and you end up carrying them everywhere, or they're awake and you have to be awake with them, keeping their spirits up and keeping them happy.

So now, as she hears light footsteps in the hall, she just hopes Amy's a little sleepy too.  
"Mommy? You asleep?" Amy asks, and Sarah smiles.

"No, baby, I'm up."

The door opens more, light from the hall flooding in, and Amy stands in the doorway, faithful Dog hanging by her side and dragging on the floor.  
"Can I come in with you?"

She sits up, nods with a smile, and Amy giggles softly, wandering around to the other side of the bed and clambering up. She dives beneath the covers and rolls to Sarah's side, cuddling into her and sighing happily. Sarah puts her arm around her, feels Amy's cold little feet press against her thigh, and she reaches beneath the covers to tickle them gently as Amy squirms and giggles into her neck.

"What do you wanna do today, bug?"

"Hmmm," Amy says sleepily, still cuddling in. "I dunno."

Smirking, Sarah tilts her head, pretending to think on something she's already got planned.  
"Well, should we start with breakfast? Maybe... pancakes?"

Amy leaps up, almost elbowing Sarah in the chin, and squeals.  
"Yes! Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes."

"Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, huh?" she says with a chuckle, trying to stop her daughter from jumping up and down. "Alright, well let me take a shower and get dressed first, then I'll get you dressed, and then we'll have some pancakes."

"Can you make 'em into a shape?" Amy asks, and Sarah blinks. In the run up to the holiday, she'd found out how to make pancakes shaped like Santa Claus, with cream and strawberries for his hat, and a reindeer, with chocolate spread antlers and a dollop of jelly for a nose, but she's got no idea what to try and impress her little girl with now that Christmas has passed. She nods anyway.

"I'll try."

Amy giggles, and Sarah slips out of the bed, heading through to the bathroom to slip into the shower while Amy stays dozing happily. It's always one of the things she hates most, navigating something so simple as washing when there's nobody else to monitor her daughter, but they seem to have a system now, as Amy gets increasingly nearer to being four. She stays where she is, and she knows she can come to Sarah for help at any time. Which she often does- having a child meant Sarah lost pretty much any sense of privacy pretty quickly. Some of her favorite time now is the long peaceful baths she sometimes takes when Amy's gone to bed. Blissful, relaxed, private.  
Now, though, she quickly washes her hair, heads through to her room and pulls on leggings and a t-shirt, then gets Amy dressed. She's unsurprised when, for what feels like the dozenth time, Amy points to her new bug shirt from Chuck to dress in. The thing has been worn and washed a ridiculous amount of times by now considering she only got it on Christmas Eve, but the little girl loves it, and Sarah has to admit, it is sweet.

Amy happily watches some morning cartoons on the couch while Sarah heads through to the kitchen, making up some pancake batter from the recipe she knows by heart. As she spoons it up, she's mildly thankful for the steady hand she'd learned in training; somehow, she pours the pancakes in the shape of an A, an M, and a Y. She can't help but feel grateful, too, to her younger self for giving her daughter such a short name. Amy hops over to the counter when called, and Sarah scoops her up to help her sit on her designated chair. Her eyes go wide as she catches sight of her breakfast

"Wow, Mommy, thanks!"

"You're welcome," she chuckles, pouring over a little syrup and not letting Amy try doing that herself. They know from experience, that ends badly. Stickily. Amy digs in, and as Sarah watches, takes in the sight of her daughter, that t-shirt, she worries her lip a little, pondering an idea. Her mother's words from that first night they'd been with her after Christmas are in her mind, right now. About not running, not staying away from Chuck. She feels like maybe she ought to start following the advice, a little. "Ames?"

Amy looks up, mouth full of pancake. The A has been thoroughly demolished.  
"Mmhm?"

"Do you wanna see if Chuck's home today?"

As expected, Amy nods enthusiastically, gulping down her mouthful.  
"Yeah! I miss Chuck,"

Sarah smiles, soft.  
"I know, baby." she murmurs, having heard that a lot over their little trip away. She'd called Chuck twice just so he could chat to Amy, but Sarah hadn't wanted to pester him too much, even if Amy had. The little girl would have happily called their neighbor three times a day, every day, if she could've.

"Do you miss Chuck?" Amy says, with a blink.

"I-" God, her daughter is too intuitive sometimes. Though they'd talked very briefly during those phone calls, it was more just Sarah saying Amy wanted to talk, and then hanging up for the little girl when the time came, so she herself hasn't really spoken to Chuck since Christmas Eve. And, when she was far from him, thinking on him and every other thing in her life, Sarah thinks she'd definitely missed him. Missed his company, his warmth. She swallows, smiles brightly at Amy. "It'll be nice to see him again, yes. Just try not to get syrup on your shirt so you can still be wearing it when we see him, yeah?"

With a strong nod, Amy returns to her breakfast, eating slowly and carefully this time, and Sarah chuckles as she pours herself a pancake with the remaining batter, eating up before Amy's even finished. When the little girl is, though, she cleans her face of stray syrup, grinning a little proudly since she's clearly pleased the shirt avoided a sticky demise.

"Can we go see him now, Mommy?"

She chuckles, checking her watch. It's still pretty early, and she doesn't know if Chuck will be at work today. She should probably call, plan this, like she plans every aspect of her life, but instead, she just nods, slipping on some flip-flops in lieu of proper shoes and then lifting up Amy. She feels like just going with things today, acting on whims or impulses, and she thinks it's probably due to her mother's words to her, the time they'd spent with her the past week or so, combined with the lightness of not going back to work yet, not quite re-entering reality and routine. But it's fun, if a little strange, and so she tickles Amy's sides and heads out of the apartment, crossing to the hall and quickly knocking.

After a few seconds, the door opens, and there Chuck stands, barefoot, in a t-shirt and boxers, hair puffy and fluffy. He hasn't just woken up, Sarah doesn't think, his expression isn't cloudy or groggy enough for that, but he's clearly not dressed yet.

Sarah smirks even as she feels a little like she's intruding into a private moment she's not supposed to see. Early morning Chuck, personal, almost intimate. Chuck, though, just grins after a moment of looking stunned.

"Walkers!"

"Chuck!" Amy basically launches herself from Sarah's grip, flying across to Chuck in some acrobatic feat, and both adults blink in surprise at the move, even as Chuck catches her easily. She cuddles into him, kicking her feet. "I _missed_ you. I haven't seen you for ages!"

"I missed you too, bug," he says with a laugh. "But did you have fun at your Grandma's?"

"Yeah, we played games, I got presents..." And that's apparently the list of most memorable things for Amy. Sarah chuckles, and Chuck turns to her, smiling softer, always so warm.

"Hi," he says, almost a murmur.

"Hi." She smiles in kind, and his gaze softens even more, melting a little. It just makes her grin even wider, something in her chest fluttering as she watches him. Silence falls for a beat too long, though, and she realizes she's probably supposed to say more now rather than just getting lost in Chuck. "Oh, well, because we missed you, and I go back to work tomorrow, we were wondering if you were free to hang out today?"

"Yeah, totally free," he says, not missing a beat. "Did you have anything in mind?"

She shrugs.  
"Not really." Amy just blinks blankly too, and Chuck hums.

"Hmm, well since you drew that pretty picture for me for Christmas, bug, how about we go to the park? It's a nice day out,"

Sarah grins. It is a nice day, not too hot, and even though it's January, midday will hardly ever be a bad time for a trip to the park in LA.  
"Yeah. Yeah, we could get lunch."

Chuck smiles again, and once more she just can't look away.

Amy, however, isn't so caught up in their looks, and instead latches onto their plans.  
"Yay!" she says, wriggling keenly. "I wanna go now, I-" She slithers down Chuck's side, tugging on his arm, and Sarah hides a chuckle behind her hand.

"Ames, I think Chuck might need to get dressed first. And you need to put some shoes on, baby, you can't go out like that."

"Oh." Amy blinks. "Okay. But we gotta be quick!" She runs back through the open apartment door like it's a race against time, hurrying through to presumably find some shoes, and Sarah turns to an amused Chuck with a grin.

"How was your Christmas?" she asks, knowing Amy can wait just a moment, and this gives her and Chuck a little time to talk.

"Yeah, it was good, I ate too much and watched too much TV, so nothing unusual. Awesome had a few too many on New Year's Eve, so he wasn't feeling very awesome for a couple days, but that was about the highlight," He chuckles, nose crinkling. "How was your mom's?"

"It was..." She thinks on the days with her mother, thinks on that first night, being more open with herself, and her mom, than she can remember being in years. "It was good. Better than I was expecting, actually, I think we kind of... got a little more comfortable."

He smiles.  
"That's good."

"Yeah. Plus, Amy couldn't stop telling her about you, so... My mom says hi." Flushing, he laughs again, avoids her gaze, and she smiles. "I'll, um, I'll let you get dressed. Meet out here in a half an hour?"

He nods, steps back, but she hesitates a little, and when he sees and pauses too, she steps in, hugs him briefly. No more running away.

"Happy New Year."

He dips his head when she pulls back.  
"Happy New Year," With that, he steps back into his apartment, and she holds back a grin as she steps back into her place.

In there, of course, Amy is sat on the floor, determinedly trying to pull on the shoes Sarah's mom had got her for Christmas. Emma couldn't have known that Chuck wears the same brand all the time, of course, but now Amy naturally loves the little pink Converse, even if she can't tie laces yet.

"Sit on the couch, Ames, and I'll get them for you," Sarah says, closing the door, and Amy looks up curiously.

"Where's Chuck?"

"He's gonna get dressed, we'll head to the park in a bit, okay?" Amy pouts a little, and Sarah smiles brightly, trying to keep Amy's spirits up. "It won't be long. But we went right over there so Chuck needs time to get ready."

Amy sighs, even as she heads to the couch. She's never very good at adjusting ideas like this, Sarah knows, and it's tougher when Chuck is a big part of their lives, but at the same time, isn't. It's hardly like he's with them all the time, enough for him to grasp their routine, or them to grasp theirs. His working hours alone are so different from Sarah's regular nine to five, Monday to Friday, and Sarah knows Amy has a hard time understanding that at times. But also, at times like these, they have to wait for him, or if he wants to do something he has to wait for them. Hardly anything can be as spontaneous as it can be just with Sarah and Amy.

Sarah wonders, idly, if that could ever change. If she and Chuck were to... then maybe things would be different. But she can't, not with Caria still not having been found yet. As much as she doesn't want to run, as much as she wants to be with Chuck and doesn't want to shy away, she still has to stay back. For his own safety. Being selfish, and being with him, it wouldn't be safe. She knows she's in the middle of a waiting game, right now. And she doesn't know how, or when, it will end.

But as ever, she has a little girl to attend to, kicking her feet impatiently. She crouches in front of the couch, tugs on Amy's little Converse, tying the laces slowly so Amy can see the technique, even if she can't emulate it yet.

With Amy therefore totally ready to go far too early, Sarah starts her doing some coloring, and she heads through to her own room to grab her usual bag for outings, swapping her leggings for jeans, too. Packing a blanket, a little coloring book for Amy and some crayons to go with it, as well as a couple toys, she gets out the stroller, making sure the usual snacks and wipes are in there. For an ordinary trip to the park she might not prepare so much, but Amy's bound to tire after their day of travelling yesterday, and if they're getting lunch too it's best to make sure there's something to keep the little girl occupied.

When a half hour finally passes, she tugs on a tan leather jacket, slipping Amy's jacket on too, and heads out into the hall, finding Chuck just leaving his own apartment. He's in a similar outfit, jeans, a slim-fitting t-shirt and a black leather jacket, and she tries not to stare. He fits the outfit just a little too nicely.

He grins at them both.  
"Y'ready?"

Sarah nods, and Amy giggles, reaching up to Chuck. He lifts her in his arms, settling her on his hip as they head down the hall to the elevator, Sarah pushing the empty stroller.  
"I thought we'd just walk? The park's only fifteen minutes away, and a walk would be nice. And healthy." She chuckles to herself. "I ate enough over the holidays to last me weeks, but I can't even imagine going to the gym yet,"

Chuck snorts, looking at her, and he raises an eyebrow disbelievingly.  
"You gotta be kidding me." She shrugs. "Sarah, if you're not fit, then I'm..." He shakes his head, and Amy looks up at him, blinking. He grins at her goofily, and she giggles, like always.

They reach the elevator and head down to the lobby, Amy chatting about New Year's and telling Chuck how she'd very nearly almost made it to midnight before falling asleep- it had been nearing 10pm when she finally crashed. Out in the lobby, Sarah sees their neighbor, Mrs O'Leary, smiling warmly at them, and they pass James the landlord, too, as they head outside.  
Sarah tries not to wonder just what they might be thinking about this little outing. What anyone might be thinking about this outing. What a certain escaped CIA prisoner by the name of Danny Caria might be thinking, if he's even in the city, the state, the damn country. And so she doesn't wonder, at all, in fact she presses every thought about it far from her mind, and focuses on Chuck, and Amy, by her side.

No more running away.

They begin to head toward the park, and they've been this way a few times by now, enough that Amy knows the way. Chuck sets her on the ground, and instead of jumping into the stroller, she keeps walking by Chuck's side, Sarah sees, reaching up for his hand.

"So, what do you guys usually do in the park?" Chuck asks, and Amy grins.

"There's a _big_ playground, the slide, and the swings, and a sandbox, and a seesaw-"

"Baby, I think Chuck's been to parks before," Sarah says, chuckling softly, sharing a look with Chuck. He grins, all warm, at Amy's listing things, and Sarah bites her lip before looking back down at her daughter. "I think he was meaning what do you like to do?"

"Oh." Chuck laughs softly, and Amy hums. "I like the seesaw. No, the jungle gym. No-"

He laughs again, louder this time.  
"Alright, alright, bug, you like 'em all... Well, we'll just try them all, then." Amy cheers, suddenly letting go of Chuck and skipping down the sidewalk in jubilation. Before Sarah can even say a word, Chuck has dived in, scooped the little girl up. "Hey, hey- no running off, okay? That's not safe."

Pouting a little, Amy shrugs.  
"Sorry. I forgot." she says, and Chuck instantly sends Sarah a look, one she sends right back. Amy knows better, and she definitely didn't forget. But she's testing Chuck, almost, seeing what she can get away with on these new kind of trips where her favorite person accompanies them.

"Amy, you know the rules," Sarah starts, much like she has done dozens of times in the past. "When we're near the road, you walk with me or Chuck, or you go in the stroller. In the park, you stay where we can see you. Okay?"

Amy sighs, looking at the ground.  
"Okay."

Looking to her with eyes wide in permission, to which Sarah nods, Chuck sets Amy down again, and she stays by his side again this time, all the way up to the park entrance.

Since it's early, and most people are probably back at work after New Year's, the space is pretty quiet, just a few other families with young children, a few eager runners, who Sarah looks at with a mix of amusement and envy. She used to be like those people, up and at 'em, running to start the day, but now she's lucky if she gets to the gym twice a week after work. She's not sure she really misses it- running was nice, it gave her a way to clear her head of all the spy drama, all the danger and fear, but for the most part she doesn't need that escape anymore. And if she does, in moments like this, with the threat of Caria hanging over her every day, she finds escape enough in Amy, in her happiness, her adventures.

The little girl skips away happily to the playground, following the rules this time and walking where they can see her, and Chuck stays with Sarah as she slowly pushes the stroller up to the various pieces of equipment set up in the center of the grass.

He turns, quirks an eyebrow.  
"You're looking thinky."

She snorts.  
"Thinky?"

"Yeah. Like pensive, but less intense. Thinky."

There is no man like him on earth, she's sure. Shaking her head, she smiles.  
"Sorry, I was just thinking, about life before Amy."

He looks at her curiously.  
"Yeah? What was that like?"

"Nothing special," she lies, sort of. Though some people may consider being a spy something special, Sarah's not sure she'd quite call it that. It was different, certainly, but not exactly special. "But I would run a lot, back then, to clear my head, keep my mind off work and stuff. And then Amy came along and at first I didn't have time to clear my head, and then I realized she was a much better remedy than any run could ever be, anyway."

Amy stands, bouncing up and down by the gate to the playground, and Chuck looks across at her with a soft laugh.  
"She's a happy kid," Sarah nods. "And you've got everything to do with that."

"Well, I try." She pauses, though not in step, looking up at him, thought blooming. "But you make her happy too."

Chuck stops, looking stunned, eyes widening.  
Until the gate rattles loudly.

"Come _on_ , I wanna go in!"

Sarah sighs at her daughter's insistent tone, frowns a little.  
"Amy. Be patient, please." she calls across the way.

Amy huffs, scuffs her shoe in the gravel, letting go of the gate until her mother and Chuck reach her. Chuck undoes the catch on the fence, the gate swinging open, and Amy runs forward, instantly clambering up a ladder and barreling down the slide.  
In some ways, the three-year-old inherited her mother's fearlessness.

Wheeling the stroller to a bench, they sit down, watching as Amy runs from piece to piece, spinning on a rocker for a while, gleefully giggling in the sandbox, before she heads to the jungle gym and looks over.  
"Mommy?" she asks, before furrowing her brow a little. "Or Chuck?"

Sarah looks to Chuck, finding him looking a little lost by her side. She smirks.  
"Oh, she can't hold herself up on any of them, especially the monkey bars. She needs someone to hold her."

Chuck smiles softly.  
"You go, I'll look after the stuff,"

She grins, leaving her bag on the bench and scurrying over to Amy, tickling her sides as she lifts her up. She holds Amy by the waist, supporting her weight, as the little girl clutches onto one of the metal bars with both hands. She lets go with one hand, swings to the next bar, Sarah holding her up the whole time and helping her move.

"Hey, bug!" Chuck calls, after they've made it across two of the bars. Sarah looks over and sees him waving at them, and immediately, Amy lets go of one of the bars to wave at him gleefully in return. Sarah holds back a giggle at the sight. Evidently, Amy hasn't even realized that letting go to wave makes her swinging from the monkey bars pretty much pointless.

They go all the way across the bar and back, until Amy decides she wants to go on the swingset.  
"Chuck! Come push me, please?" she asks, and as he stands up, Sarah sets her daughter on the ground and heads back to the bench.

She chuckles as she passes him, and he winks at her as she tries not to laugh more at his tricking Amy. It was sweet, and Amy didn't even realize the flaw, but that the little girl fell so easily was pretty funny.

He hoists Amy up onto the seat, waiting as she kicks her legs through the holes, then starts pushing her gently as she squeals in glee. Sarah can't help but grin at the sight, and also love getting to watch her daughter's excitement from this side, from afar. She's been able to before, obviously, at the park with her mom, daycare trips, the few times Bryce had tried to do something like this, but it feels different, somehow, especially from with Bryce. As she'd told her mom, that it's Chuck, in their life, that it's this man in particular, just makes everything so much better. Watching as he laughs as he pushes Amy, watching as Amy squeals and kicks her feet as she goes higher, just watching it all, it feels right. Feels good.  
And so she sits, smiles, rests her chin on her hand, and watches, happily.

Chuck comes back eventually, carrying Amy, the little girl's cheeks flushed with elation. He sits next to Sarah, and Amy flops across both their laps, giggling.  
"D'you see how high I went, Mommy?" she asks, blinking up from Sarah's thighs.

"I did, baby, that was very high." She tickles her tummy a little, then grins. "Do you wanna go on anything else or should we sit on the grass for a little while?"

"Grass." Amy hums, and Sarah chuckles, scooping up her daughter and sending Chuck a grin as they walk out of the playground, him pushing the stroller this time. They make their way to a free space of grass; there's a family a little way away, and someone sat with headphones in and a dog dozing by their side a bit across, but mostly, the space is theirs.

Sarah turns.  
"Chuck, there's a blanket in the bag, would you mind...?"

"Oh, sure," he murmurs, tugging it out, shaking it and lying it down on the ground pretty evenly. He sits and stretches his legs out, and Sarah does too, Amy clambering out of her arms and flopping to the ground, burrowing into the blanket and giggling again. "D'you want something to do, bug? I think your mom packed some coloring."

"'m okay," she says, but Sarah sends Chuck a nod and he reaches into the bag again, pulling out the small coloring book and crayons. It saves having to get them out later, and Sarah knows from years of experience that soon, Amy will want the things. Now, though, the little girl sits up suddenly. "Did you see my shirt, Chuck?" She pulls the item in question a little, stretching it out at the bottom, and Chuck grins.

"I did, I noticed it earlier! I'm glad you like it, bug," He tickles her right over the word 'bug' on the shirt, and Amy giggles.

"It's my favorite,"

Chuck grins.  
"I'm glad."

"Mommy loves her present too. She wore it _all_ the time with Grandma."

Sarah freezes, looking up at Chuck as his eyes dart to hers, wide and stunned and dammit, quite adorable too. He blinks, seemingly not knowing what to say, and Sarah's lost for words, too. Because it's true. After talking with her mother, she hadn't wanted to take the bracelet off. Today's one of the first days since Chuck had given it to her that Sarah hasn't worn it, in fact; she just didn't want him to point it out and then lead Amy to say, well, this exact thing. She's just a child, she can't and doesn't know the effect her words have on the two adults around her. But Sarah knows, and Chuck knows, that means a lot. That Sarah loves the charm bracelet so much, means a lot.

While Amy cluelessly flops over onto her stomach, Sarah just clears her throat, shrugs a shoulder a little helplessly, and Chuck smiles. He reaches out, slowly curls his fingers round her wrist until he's holding her hand loosely, softly.

"Well I'm glad for that, too,"

Biting her lip, and fighting the stubborn flush that wants to rise up her neck and cheeks, she squeezes his fingers, sits back, and watches as Amy reaches for her book and starts to color.

* * *

Amy starts getting hungry around noon, and since their pancakes were a while ago, they leave the park and walk to a restaurant nearby, Amy in the stroller this time, apparently bored of walking by now.

As they head inside, a server comes up to them.  
"Table for three?"

God, it's been a while since Sarah's heard that. She nods, and the guy smiles, picking up two menus and another colorful thing Sarah guesses is the kid's menu before walking them around tables and through the place. As they're walking, Sarah feels Chuck's hand rest lightly on her back, right in the middle, guiding, and she just about resists the overwhelming urge to lean back and relax into his touch.

The seats at the table aren't too low, so as she unbuckles Amy from the stroller she sits her in the chair nearest the window, not on the outer side so she can't just hop off and wander through the restaurant. While she's doing that, though, Chuck takes the initiative and folds the stroller up a little, sliding it behind them and keeping it out of the way, and she sends him a grateful smile as she takes her own seat.

The server places down their menus, takes their drinks order, and heads away.

"Whaddya got to choose from, bug?" Chuck asks, and Amy looks at her menu determinedly, frowning in concentration. Sarah smirks in amusement, and leans over, scanning the list for things Amy will eat and things she wants her to have, thus promptly passing the hamburger on the menu. Her mom had treated them to dinner two nights before, plus they hadn't eaten great at the airport yesterday, and Sarah doesn't want Amy thinking burgers and fries are everyday foods.

"You got pasta or a sandwich, Ames, what do you want?"

Amy hums.  
"Pasta please. Can I color?"

Without prompting, Chuck leans over, tugging the coloring book and crayons out of the stroller again and handing them over. Sarah's glad for his foresight in getting the book, too, since the menu isn't a paper one with anything for Amy to doodle on or any puzzles to complete. It's quite a nice one, actually, kinda fancy, and she looks up at Chuck curiously.

"Have you been here before?"

He looks up from the menu, nods.  
"A couple times, yeah. When I first moved and Ellie visited me a bunch she liked to come here. The food's great."

"Hm," Sarah hums, tilting her head as she takes in the rather vast menu. "I'll have to remember it."  
She's been wanting to hang out with Ellie again, actually, since with Christmas and its madness they haven't seen each other since Thanksgiving, and Sarah genuinely likes the other woman's company. Perhaps they can come here, she muses.

The server comes over with their drinks, Amy's one adorned with a cute crazy straw she giggles at, and once their orders have been taken and the guy's gone away again, Sarah looks back at Chuck, smiling. Before she can say anything, though, his phone suddenly starts ringing loudly, blaring a rock song, and he grimaces.

"It's Morgan," he says, as he tugs out the cell. "He knew I had the day off, he might've come over and wondered where I am."

She waves a hand.  
"You can take it, we don't mind." Indeed, Amy seems so engrossed in her coloring she hasn't even noticed the conversation.

Chuck picks up, clearing his throat.  
"Hey, Morgan. Yeah, yeah I know, sorry, buddy, I'm with Sarah and Amy."

Amy looks up.  
"Hi Mr Morgan!" she calls, thankfully using her inside voice still, and Chuck laughs, waiting as Morgan evidently hears it.

"He says hi back, bug. Yeah... Uh, we went to the park, now we're having lunch." Morgan must drone on or something, for Chuck sends Sarah a look, and she stifles a giggle. He just grins in reply. "Sure. Well, I don't know, tonight, I guess? Maybe. Um, no- no."  
Suddenly, without warning, he flushes, cheeks reddening as he looks away, evidently caused by something his friend has said. Though she's curious about just what Morgan might have said, Sarah also finds herself trying not to grin at Chuck's rather sweet awkwardness. Evidently, though, Morgan mustn't press it, for after a couple more choked beats Chuck says goodbye, closes his cell phone.

"Sorry about that,"

"It's okay," Sarah says, smirking. She tilts her head, still curious about his blushing, and leans in a little, reaches out, resting her hand atop the table. Though she briefly wonders if it's a little mean to pull out old training methods, she can't resist. Looking at him through her lashes, she tilts her head. "What was he saying?"

"Oh, nothing much. I was right, he'd come over and he didn't know where I was." He licks his lips, absentmindedly, she thinks, and she curses that it distracts her even when she's the one trying to distract him, if teasingly.

Ignoring that, she drifts her fingers across the table until they reach his own, and gently taps her thumb against his wrist.  
"Was that all?" she asks, voice a little husky.

He looks up, raises an eyebrow, apparently recognizing the challenge. Grinning at her, eyes alight, he reaches up with his other hand, rests his head on his palm, and looks at her with a fake innocence.  
"Yup." His voice is low, and she doesn't believe his word for a minute.

"Okay," she shrugs, dancing her finger over the top of his hand, running over his knuckles, and he just shakes his head, narrowing his eyes teasingly. She bites back a laugh at the lightness of it all, the easy flirtation, even if what is between them isn't really light at all. Not with the bracelet sitting on her dresser, all it means, all it symbolizes, for both of them.

He breaks first, heaves a deep breath and sits back, sipping his soda and slipping his hand out from under hers. Amy starts humming aloud as she colors, utterly sweet and utterly oblivious, and Sarah has to laugh, Chuck doing the same.

Amy looks up, blinking.  
"What?"

"Nothing, baby," Sarah murmurs, leaning over and kissing her crown, and Amy preens a little before nodding, returning to her coloring with abandon.

Their food arrives soon enough, Amy's pasta coming at the same time as Sarah's omelette and Chuck's sandwich, and though Sarah automatically reaches over to deal with Amy's food, Chuck leans in instead.

"I got it," he says, taking the bowl and Amy's cutlery. Sarah raises an eyebrow, and he gestures to her own plate. "Yours will go cold, mine won't," With a lopsided smile, he starts cutting up Amy's food, getting the spaghetti into manageable smaller noodles that won't droop and drip everywhere, and cutting the meatballs into cubes that'll actually fit into her mouth. He returns it to Amy with a smile, and the little girl grins back.

"Thanks, Chuck,"

"You're welcome." He sends a little salute, and she giggles, tucking in. Sarah, already a few bites into her omelette, just smiles at their neighbor, words failing her a little. He can't possibly know how grateful she is, even over such a little thing as helping her daughter with her food. Because Sarah hasn't had a properly hot meal at a place like this in a long time- she's always had to be the one helping Amy out, putting her own self second. He smiles in return, warm and genuine, then goes back to his food wordlessly, and Sarah finds herself glad that, for once, he hasn't shrugged it off. So often, she knows, he acts like these little things are nothing, are just simple acts she needn't be grateful for. But this isn't nothing, this is helpful, and kind, and yet another thing about him that surprises her. Chuck Bartowski is just full of surprises, and she loves every one.

"You were right," she says after a couple more bites. "This food is great."

He nods, widens his eyes.  
"Mmhm. I'm glad I came back, honestly, it's just not really in my way, usually, and... kinda sucks to come alone."

She sends him a wry smile. She understands, sort of, but dining alone had been normal for her as a spy, and though dining out with Amy isn't really being alone, it's not quite being with someone else, either. A random thought springs up, about how he should know he doesn't have to be alone, she and Amy will be there, but she swallows it down before she can just blurt it right out, and turns to Amy.  
"You enjoying yours, baby?"

Amy looks up, mouth covered in marinara sauce, a noodle sticking out of her mouth.  
"Mhm?"

Sarah turns to Chuck, seeing him lost in laughter.  
"I think we'll take that as a yes."

They eat pretty quickly, talking still about the holidays, going back to work, and manage a good couple minutes after Amy's eaten before she starts to get a little restless, shifting in her seat, not wanting to color anymore. Chuck sends Sarah a knowing look as he reaches up, signals for the check, and she smiles at him gratefully while getting Amy ready to leave.

When they're out on the street, though, Amy twists round in her stroller, trying to catch her mother's eye.  
"I wanna go back to the park!"

"Not after eating, baby, you know that." she says, and the little girl twists around even more.

"But I wanna go play!" Amy wails, frowning and turning back, and Sarah shakes her head.

"Ames, we spent plenty of time playing at the park earlier. We're gonna go home, and you can play some more there."

"But I wanna play with Chuck like at the park." She huffs loudly, curls bouncing. "I always play with you, I wanna play with Chuck."

Sarah takes a deep breath, closes her eyes briefly mid-step, and she hears Chuck clear his throat by her side. Once more, Amy is just testing them, wanting to see what she can get away with, with Chuck spending more time with them. But her stubbornness has never been easy for Sarah, and now, combined with the sudden distaste Amy has for her, Chuck the new favorite, it's tough to keep cool, and not just tell Amy they're not gonna spend more time with Chuck if she keeps behaving like this. That, would lead to a meltdown, which would lead to this nice day taking an abrupt u-turn, and she doesn't want that.

Suddenly, softly, Sarah feels Chuck's hand slip into hers. Her eyes snap open, meeting his, and he smiles a little, eyes worried, before looking back down at the stroller. He can see Amy better from this angle than Sarah can, can gauge the little girl's mood easier.

"Amy, listen to your mom. You might not feel good after going to the park and running around right after eating, and that wouldn't be too fun. I don't mind staying a little longer today, if your mom doesn't mind, so you could play more. But it's not up to you, okay? And it's not up to me, either."  
He turns, raises an eyebrow Sarah's way, and she squeezes his fingers tight.

"When are you free until?" she murmurs, and he nods.

"Morgan said he was gonna come back around five,"

She clears her throat and stops walking altogether, letting go of Chuck to move around in front of the stroller. Crouching down, she looks at Amy.  
"Chuck can play for a little longer, okay, and then he's gonna go spend time with Mr Morgan." Because Chuck has his own life, and she's gone through this with Amy, she has.

"But-"

"Amy." she interrupts, a hint of sternness in her tone.

Amy pauses, sighs, but she knows that tone well, and she nods eventually. Sarah strokes her cheek and kisses her temple before she stands, seeing the ghost of a smile on Amy's lips. She'll have recovered by the time they reach their apartment building. She rounds the stroller once more, about to push it down the sidewalk again, but Chuck reaches for her hand again, apparently to get her attention this time.

"You okay?" he asks, gaze still a little worried, but warm as ever.

"Yeah," She nods, because she is, honestly. They go through this often, her and Amy, little arguments and tantrums like with any child, this is just the first time Chuck happens to have witnessed it. But damn, if it isn't nice to have someone there to check she's okay anyway. His fingers still loose around hers, she squeezes tight, starts pushing the stroller again, just one-handed this time.

And she knows, what they'll look like right now. The three of them walking down the street as one unit, Chuck's hand in hers, Amy with her blonde curly hair. In fact, when a young couple walks past them, looking sickeningly in love, and both of them fawn a little at Amy in her stroller before looking up and sending Chuck and Sarah grins, Sarah knows it even more.

It scares her, a little. She can't sense someone watching them, anyone who could be Caria, spying, trying to find her weaknesses, but they could be there. But amongst that, it also just feels good. Nice. Warm. She squeezes Chuck's hand again as they keep walking up to their apartment, and he shoots her a grin. No more running away.

* * *

They end up over at Chuck's apartment, Amy trying out her new purple controller on one of his games, and both adults end up racing against- and losing to- the little girl. Sarah doesn't even try to be bad deliberately, which is something she often does with games to make her daughter feel good; no, Amy just seems to have a knack for driving a strange little car on the screen. Chuck seems a little bemused, too, though Sarah thinks they both find Amy's elation over winning too cute to be annoyed by.

As she wins another race, Sarah looks over at Chuck amusedly, and he flops back against the couch cushions, shaking his head.

"You're just too good, bug," he says, and Amy giggles, putting her controller down and shuffling over to him. She cuddles into his side rather sweetly, looking up at him.

"Sorry Chuck," She pats his chest a few times. "Maybe next time."

Sarah snorts, choking back a burst of laughter, and Chuck turns to her with a faux-glare.

"Whose side are you on?"

She stands from the armchair, moving to sit by his side on the sofa, and smirks, gently patting his chest.  
"Maybe next time." she says, smiling sweetly just like her daughter.

Rather than smiling back, though, Chuck's eyes glint in sudden determination, and before she knows it, he's surging at her, hands dancing on her sides. She screams, half a laugh, and Chuck grins.  
"Get her, bug!"

Despite Sarah's essentially just saying she was on Amy's side, the little girl squeals and jumps toward her too, and Sarah tries not to feel the sting of betrayal. All that trust, all that love, and her daughter has stabbed her in the back and joined in on the tickling.  
She squirms underneath them both, Amy really having the most enthusiastic approach, Chuck just tapping his fingers on her waist every now and then and losing himself in laughter. Amy can't stop laughing, either, squealing the whole time, and the scene is a raucous one, limbs flailing.

"Traitor!" Sarah finds herself squealing, when Amy suddenly goes for the backs of her knees, evidently remembering Sarah once saying her mom used to tickle her there. It's still effective now, and she writhes into the couch, trying to get away. Amy just screams in a howl of giggles, and Sarah resists the urge to actually slip away or the joy will end.

When she looks up, she finds Chuck towering over her, eyes meeting hers, a grin on his lips and his eyes crinkling at the sides. She grins back, instinctively, but then his hand taps against her waist again and she jumps, holding back another laugh, glaring at him and trying to push him off her. He's a traitor too, though he's used his damn charm to defeat her.

They end up all lying on the couch, exhausted. Amy is lying mostly on Chuck's chest, but at a funny angle so her legs are under Sarah's arm. Chuck's shoulder is Sarah's pillow, her legs propped up along the length of the sofa, feet dangling over the edge.

Amy giggles again, and Sarah turns her head to face her, grinning.  
"That was fun,"

"It was," she agrees, and Chuck hums in assent too.

And then, the door clicks open. It takes every instinct in Sarah to only turn, to not immediately stand up and reach to her waist where a knife always used to live. It hasn't been there for years, but the memory of it is, every time Sarah finds herself startled when most relaxed, with her guard down. And right now, she's definitely relaxed. Her guard is certainly down- it's not there at all. If this were Caria, it'd be a perfect time to pounce.

Thankfully, only Morgan stands in the doorway, backpack over his shoulder.  
"Oh." he says, and Sarah's suddenly glad he isn't her friend, so she doesn't have to explain this situation to him.

Instead of jumping up, though, or looking at all awkward, Chuck just waves a hand.  
"Hey, buddy. We had a pretty intense tickle fight so I'm not moving for at least a little while,"

Morgan blinks, then shrugs.  
"Cool. Hey, Sarah," She waves. "Hey, Amy!" This time Morgan waves, and Amy lifts herself up for a moment to look around, then grins, flopping back down onto Chuck.

"Hi Morgan. I beat Chuck on his game!"

Morgan raises an eyebrow, looks at the TV, still displaying the game's victory screen, then to Chuck.  
"Seriously?"

"Twice. And it's a victory she's gonna hold over my head until the end of time."

Sarah rolls over a little so she's on her side, facing everyone without craning her neck, and she chuckles.  
"At least you're learning," He grins, bouncing his eyebrows up and down, and she has to look away, force herself to sit up, even if he was warm and soft and perfect against her. "We should get going."

Chuck frowns a little, looking as if he's about to question her, but she casts her gaze to Amy, facing away. She widens her eyes, and realization dawns on his features. They'd only agreed to spend time with Chuck after Amy's post-lunch-almost-tantrum on the condition that he had to spend time with Morgan afterwards. And since their time is up and Morgan is here now, Sarah doesn't want to undermine what she said to Amy by letting them stay later, even if she really, really, doesn't wanna move.

"Okay. C'mon, bug, up you get," he murmurs, hoisting Amy up, setting her down on the ground before hauling himself into a sitting position. Sarah stands, picking up Amy's controller and the few other things they'd brought over here, tugging her keys out of her pocket.

Amy sighs, predictably.  
"Do we have to go?"

"Yes. Plus, we have to eat dinner, c'mon, scoot," Sarah taps her on the back, and she shuffles to the door, not so sad but clearly still wishing she could say.

Morgan moves out of the way, looking awkward, and Chuck follows them to the doorway, looking down at Amy before back up at Sarah.

"She'll be okay?" he murmurs, and Sarah nods, smiling lopsidedly at him. He smiles too, then crouches down to Amy's height, boops her nose. "I'll see you soon, okay, bug?"

"Okay." She squeezes him in a hug before Sarah can even blink, and she smiles as Chuck pats the little girl on the back while trying to get her to loosen her grip just a tad. She does, eventually, and Chuck sends Sarah a look as he stands, brushes down his shirt a little, ruffles his hair out, his curls bouncing in a way that looks oddly similar to how Amy's do.

Sarah smiles, takes Amy's hand but keeps looking at Chuck.  
"Thank you, for coming today. We had fun. I, had fun."

He raises his eyebrows.  
"Yeah?"

She licks her lips, nods.  
"Yeah. We should do it again, sometime, if you want. Spend the day together." He nods, rubbing the back of his neck, apparently a little embarrassed. She thinks it might be over them having this conversation in front of his friend, but when she looks to Morgan, he's busy sorting something near the TV, not even bothering with them. And so she smiles. "See you later, Chuck,"

And with that, she rises on her toes, and kisses his cheek, before opening the door and heading away, closing the door behind her as she steps out into the hall. She just about sees Chuck's cute half-smile as she goes.

As she's standing in the hall, turning the key in the lock, she swears she hears a loud "Dude, what was that?" from Morgan, but she ignores it, and the wild thoughts of what Chuck might reply to such a question, and pushes open the door, following Amy inside. Letting the day, the good, so good day, wash over her, she heads into her apartment, and turns to spend more time with her daughter.

* * *

 **a/n 2:** So much of this story is just them hanging out and it being super sweet, but I wanted to write this whole day and all the time they spent together, and even for me, writing this felt so warm and silly. Tickle fights, c'mon. I'm really enjoying sharing this story with you guys, I hope you're enjoying reading it as much. I love hearing your thoughts, so please leave a review on the way out if you feel so inclined, and see you in a few days for Chapter 11, 'The Mall'!

-Kiera :)


	11. The Mall

**summary:** Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they find a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

 **a/n:** The slow burn continues, now with extra Ellie! Yay, she's back. Fun fact, by the way: this chapter is the only one in this story that I was ever inspired to write an equivalent for from Chuck's POV. I always try to provide enough insight into Chuck's thoughts or views even with the story being from Sarah's perspective, so doubling up never really felt necessary to me, but for some reason, I was inspired to write something short for this chapter. It's actually set the night before this chapter, with Chuck talking to Ellie, and it'd give y'all an insight into where his head might be at this point in the story as well as in a couple prior chapters. I'm not sure if it would give everyone all the answers they're looking for, though, so I'm toying with posting it. If you guys would be interested in seeing it, let me know, and I might, might, put it up separately or later or something, just for funsies.  
Anyway, for now, here's Chapter 11! I really really appreciated all your responses to the last chapter, I've definitely been feeling the love these past couple days. Because of it, I worked super hard to make this update extra good for you all. As ever, if you like this one, please leave a review on your way out!

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Chuck, silly baby clothes, somewhat awkward conversations, or perfect scenes from movies.

* * *

 **The Mall**

She doesn't know why she's cleaning up the place. Why she's going around moving things that don't need moving, putting away stray things into drawers, wiping down surfaces.

This is no big deal. Chuck has been here dozens of times. He's seen the place less tidy than this so many times, he's even seen at its worst, almost; he was here when she was sick and she hadn't even thought to clean anything then. There were probably stray toys everywhere, blankets messily strewn around the place, dirty dishes needing washed, crumbs upon the countertop. The apartment doesn't need to be spotless just for him being here.

And yet this, this seems different. Because Chuck is coming over early today, to look after Amy for the whole day, while Sarah goes out with Ellie. They're going shopping, with lunch and probably a lot of hints about Chuck and Sarah that Sarah will totally ignore, too. The doctor had called a few days ago, asked if Sarah was free this Saturday, and though she was, factoring Amy in complicated matters, as it often does. Amy wouldn't enjoy a shopping trip and lunch, particularly, even with her favorite doctor, but Sarah didn't want to take the little girl to daycare on the weekend with so little notice. She hasn't found a sitter here either since she's yet to have needed one. And so, knowing nobody else to ask, she'd asked Chuck to watch the three-year-old, and he had of course said yes because he's a ridiculously nice person, and now, he's coming over, to watch Amy for the whole day.

Sarah wonders if he's as nervous about this day as she is. And then wonders why she's nervous at all.

But this is different from their usual movie nights, or that day earlier in the month when they'd gone to the park. This is a whole day, just Chuck with Amy, and Sarah's knows it's not even the idea of leaving Amy alone with him that's making her nervous, not like with every other sitter the first time they've watched Amy for a day without her nearby. No, she trusts him implicitly with her daughter, she just does, and she doesn't have to wonder if they'll get along well, if it'll work out. She knows they will, it will. She's just more nervous about what this will do.

Because a whole day with her favorite person will certainly impact Amy. Will certainly make her want this to happen more often, if she likes it, which Sarah's sure she will. Will certainly make her think this actually can happen more often—if it happens once, after all, Amy will naturally expect it to happen again, with or without Sarah present.

And what then, Sarah has to wonder, for herself and Chuck? Where does this place them on the strange path they seem to be taking? She knows they've been taking steps forward and then steps back, that they drift, then they're pulled together like magnets. She can't stay away, she doesn't even want to, but to some degree she has to, she knows it. The longer she stays away from Chuck like this, though, the more she comes to care for him. Keeping her distance just makes her like him even more, somehow, of course. And the more she likes him, the more Caria could hurt him, use him against her, to destroy her. Like she'd destroyed Caria, all that time ago. She's going to try to maintain this strange balance between them, keep them slowly moving forward, but she knows one day the scales will tip, one day, they'll get to a point they can't turn back from. And then, she doesn't know what they'll do.

She clears her throat, picks up a stuffed panda from the kitchen counter and tosses it over to the basket of toys by the television. As it lands perfectly, Amy cheers from the doorway of her room, and Sarah chuckles. Evidently, her daughter thinks her quite the good shot. Sarah takes a little bow, and Amy hurries over, cuddling into her legs.

"You look pretty, Mommy," she says, and Sarah smiles even as she wonders if it's really been so long since she wore anything this unlike her work outfits that Amy is complimenting her now. She's in a sundress, today, blue and florally, unlike her usual suit and heels combo, or casual wear of jeans and a shirt, which doesn't often look too different. But today is a fun shopping day with a friend; wearing a dress for such an occasion made sense, in Sarah's eyes. She smooths down Amy's hair, the charm bracelet on her wrist shifting as she does so.

"Thank you, baby. Did you tidy your room?"

Amy nods, letting go of her, but Sarah doesn't bother inspecting it or checking Amy's being accurate. Getting her to clean up her things just meant she wasn't constantly checking and asking if it was almost time for Chuck to come over. Now, though, it really is almost time for their neighbor to arrive. And so Sarah heads to the couch, where she'd left her shoes earlier, and sits down, slipping on the heeled sandals and zipping them up. When she stands, reaching for her bag, rarely as free of wipes and toys and snacks as it is today since Amy isn't joining her, a knock sounds on the door, and she checks her watch. He's right on time.

She checks it's him, of course, before opening the door and smiling at him.

He looks up from the floor, grinning.  
"H-" He cuts himself off, jaw falling open a little as he looks at her, and Sarah just waits, smiling awkwardly. He only takes a few seconds to get his bearings, snapping to attention and clearing his throat. "Hi. Hey. Uh, hi. Oh, thank god, Amy's here."

Sarah has to laugh as her daughter does indeed run up to Chuck, cuddling into him as he scoops her up, before he turns back to Sarah, cheeks a little flushed from his stuttering.

"I'm gonna try again, hi. You look great,"

She dips her head as she smiles, warmth filling her. Evidently, Amy isn't the only one who sees her in casual clothes so often this outfit is a bit of a change.  
"Thank you."

Still blushing a little, he turns to Amy.  
"Y'ready for some fun today, bug?"

"Yeah!" she says, wiggling excitedly. "I got the whole day planned, come on-"

"Hey, hey," Sarah says, a hand on Amy's back, stopping the little girl from hopping down and dragging Chuck to her room. "I don't get a goodbye?" she jokes, but Amy looks genuinely sheepish.

"Oops."

"I know, baby, you just got excited. But hey," she leans in, kisses Amy's cheek, then pulls back and ruffles her hair. "Be good."

"Okay." Amy says, nodding and grinning.

Sarah turns to Chuck, smirks.  
"Be good." she repeats, to him, then ruffles his hair too, and as he laughs, she reaches for her jacket, slipping it on. She sees Chuck's eyes dart toward her bracelet just before her sleeve covers it, but he says nothing, and she just heads out of the door rather than bringing it up.

"I'll call you around lunch?" he asks, and she turns in the doorway, seeing the slightly strange sight of Chuck holding Amy on the threshold of her apartment, her about to leave them. Usually, this sight is flipped, Sarah holding Amy, Chuck the one to go. Seeing it reversed makes something in her stomach twist, a mix of warmth and aching, and slight fear, too. She blinks, shrugs off the feeling.

"If you're free by then, yeah," She chuckles, then waves a goodbye to both of them and heads down the hall, ignoring the anxiety creeping into her as she waits for the elevator.

It's natural, any time she leaves Amy, to feel uneasy. Today, though, with that added wonder about just how this might change things, and the fact that she's very aware she's leaving Chuck and Amy vulnerable should Danny Caria appear and attack, it feels worse.

But she can't let the ghost of a threat change her life, she knows that. At least, not any more than she already has. She can't wait and hide forever, and since she hasn't spied any indication that Caria may be moving in, and she's had no word from Bryce which she figures the guy might at least send her if they're in true immediate danger, she knows she has to do this. Has to live, just a little. And so she steps into the elevator when it arrives, and leaves to meet Ellie, determined to enjoy the day.

They'd arranged to meet up at the mall, so Sarah slips into the car, making quick work of the drive now she knows all the shortcuts in the neighborhood, and as she pulls into the parking lot, she sees Ellie already standing at the entrance, waiting. Sarah parks as near as she can to the front of the place, then heads across to Ellie, waving so the woman sees her.

"Sarah, hi!" Ellie says, rushing in for her customary hug, and Sarah obliges, gradually feeling less awkward the more times she meets up with the doctor.

"Hi, how are you?"

"Good," Ellie sighs. "Work was _not_ fun yesterday, so I'm looking forward to a nice day, shopping, food, maybe a glass of wine..."

Sarah chuckles.  
"That sounds like a good plan." She makes to move toward the entrance, but as she does so her jacket sleeves shift a little, and Ellie looks down, evidently spying the bracelet on Sarah's wrist. She reaches for Sarah's arm, looks at the charms up close.

"Wow, that looks amazing on you," she says, honesty clear in her words, and Sarah blushes as she pulls her hand back, plays with the bracelet herself, runs her fingers along the charms she already knows the feel of so well, from already having done this so often. Every time she sees the thing, wears it, it steals her breath a little bit.

"Thanks. It's, uh, it's really beautiful."

"It is." Ellie pauses, looking at Sarah searchingly, but eventually she just moves on. "How's Amy?" she asks, conversationally, as they start to walk into the mall, and Sarah smiles.

"She's good, she was looking forward to today." Ellie grins. "It's not too often she gets to spend the whole day without me when she's not just at daycare, I think it's a novelty for her. And considering it's Chuck looking after her..."

Ellie chuckles.  
"She certainly seems to love him, I know. People have always liked spending time with him but I didn't know that stretched to three-year-olds before," Sarah grins, but they pass a kids' store, and she looks in the window with a distracted hum. "You wanna get something for Amy?"

She looks at the other woman, shaking her head.  
"No, not yet, but her birthday's in April and I'm just seeing if there's anything new out since Christmas. I like to try and get ahead when it comes to getting presents for her, she never decides on what she wants until the week before her birthday or Christmas. And, when she does, there's about a hundred items on the list."

Laughing again, Ellie steps up to the window, looking at the various items on display, bright and colorful.  
"Wow, and there's a lot of choice for kids, too,"

"Tell me about it," Sarah murmurs disdainfully, before stepping on, until they reach a shoe store Ellie wants to go into. Thankfully, it doesn't have a children's department- Sarah all too often finds herself shopping for Amy rather than herself on these kinds of trips, which is why she doesn't take these kinds of trips too often. But today should be fun, browsing with Ellie, getting lunch, talking. Having a break from Amy, which she never really wants or gets but she supposes she needs every now and then.

Ellie comes over, carrying a pair of white heels.

"What d'you think?" she asks, waving them. "Too flashy?"

Chuckling, Sarah shakes her head, and lets herself relax.

* * *

"Oh, actually, Ellie, let me just go in here before I forget,"  
Carrying her handful of bags, she turns into the children's clothes store, quickly scanning her eyes around it. She's hungry, and she and Ellie were on their way to find some lunch, but she shouldn't take too long. And, she thinks a little proudly, she hasn't shopped for Amy all day so far. Somehow, that's an accomplishment.

She heads up to a table in the middle of the store, various t-shirts laid out next to a sign saying it's three for the price of two, and she hums as she looks through the options.

"Amy needing some new shirts?" Ellie asks, walking up next to her side, and Sarah nods.

"Some, yeah. I wanted to wait in case my mom got her some at Christmas, but she didn't, and she's growing out of her ones right now quicker than I'd thought she would. Maybe I should do what Chuck did, buy a year ahead." she muses, thinking on her little girl and the eternal growth she's doing right now. She's still taller than average for her age, and it's hard to make any real investment in clothes since she barely gets any use out of them anyway.

"Chuck got her a shirt?" Ellie sounds surprised, and Sarah turns to her, seeing the confusion on the doctor's features. For a second, she feels she's shared something she shouldn't, but she quashes that thought. She and Chuck have nothing to hide, even if they're hardly open books with each other all the time. Even if Chuck apparently hadn't told his sister much about his gifts for the little girl.

She shrugs, more casually than she really feels.  
"Yeah, for Christmas. It says 'bug' on it, she wears it all the time." She grins at the thought, but Ellie just blinks.

"Bug? Like, your nickname for her?"

"Yeah, that's what we call her," Sarah chuckles, but the other woman still just looks surprised, apparently not having really known all these things before, or maybe not having thought on them, and Sarah turns back to the shirts, quickly picking out three Amy will like. She heads up to the counter and pays, but when she comes back with the items in tow, she finds Ellie looking at some of the baby clothes, chuckling at a baby tuxedo.

The other woman turns, holding up the thing.  
"It's as stupid as it is cute," She laughs, and Sarah giggles.

"Y'know, I kinda miss when Amy was that small, I could just dress her in anything." She smiles, thinking of the various outfits she'd bought for her daughter when she was young, matching two-pieces, silly onesies, adorable costumes. "She usually spit up on it after too long, but..." She shrugs, walking out of the store, and Ellie follows.

She clears her throat, and Sarah turns to find her watching her, curiously.  
"Can I ask you something?" she asks, tentative, sounding a little like her brother does at times.

"Sure." Sarah nods, though a slight awkward feeling fills her as she thinks on just what Ellie could be asking.

"Would you have another one?"

She blinks at Ellie's words. So sudden, and, apart from maybe being caused by silly clothes, pretty unexpected, too.  
"Another child?" she checks, already knowing she's right but trying to delay her answer just a second to try and figure out quite what to say.

"Yeah." Ellie nods, biting her lip a little nervously, like she's aware of quite what she's asked, how personal it could be.

"Oh. Um." Sarah muses on it, though she's thought about it before, a good few times, actually. She thinks it's almost natural when you have a child to consider if you'd go through it all again. Shrugging, she keeps walking. "Not… in the same way I had Amy, no. Being by myself, her father not even around... But if there was someone, and it happened, even if it was still an accident, I mean, maybe? I think having Amy there means I'd like to at least be able to plan it, y'know?"

Ellie hums thoughtfully, lifts a shoulder, looking lost in her head.  
"Yeah, I suppose."

Sarah frowns, looking at her friend, still wondering quite why Ellie has even asked such a thing.  
"Ellie, are _you_ thinking of having a baby?"

The doctor jolts, blinks.  
"No! No, god, no. I mean, Devon and I can't even decide on what appliance to buy for our apartment, let alone a child." Sarah chuckles- Ellie had had to buy a new iron today despite Devon's wanting a new blender. Apparently, the couple are in the middle of a week-long debate about the choice, and Ellie had finally decided to just buy the iron before Devon could say anything. Sarah just hopes the man copes with some less wrinkled shirts in favor of some new, according to Ellie often digusting, protein shakes. The woman grins, shakes her head. "No, though I want kids, with Devon, and I know he's like, it, for me, that's... that's way down the line. I'd want to be married and settled before I bring a child into the world."

The opposite to what Sarah had been when she had Amy. She shrugs, hardly begrudging of Ellie, but the other woman whirls around, eyes wide.

"Oh, god, I'm so sorry. I didn't-"

"It's fine," Sarah says, because it is. For starters, Ellie is her friend, and Sarah has heard far, far worse from strangers before. But also, because Sarah had always thought that herself. Thought if, in some strange world where she retired from the spy life without get killed in action, if then she had a child, she'd have wanted to be married and stable in her life, people around her, have the support system parenting guides always talk about. The CIA had taken that chance from her, though, and when she'd been single and pregnant and had just found out Mark had been killed, she had wondered if bringing a child into her world would really be the best thing, the safest thing. The easiest thing. She'd decided to try it anyway, and she doesn't regret the choice, not with Amy, never. Even if it went against what she thought she always wanted.

Ellie sighs, looking still a little upset at her word choice.  
"Yeah, but, I'm…"

She raises a hand.  
"Honestly, Ellie, I don't mind. It makes sense, it's what most people want. And with Devon still pining for a blender, it's probably advisable." She giggles, and after a beat, Ellie does too, getting over her anxiety.

They make their way to the cafe Ellie had recommended, just outside the mall, and find a table, ordering before Sarah looks up, curious.

"So, why were you asking, anyway?"

Ellie shrugs, flushing a little.  
"I don't know. I just- I don't have many friends with children, yet, and, spending time with you, and with Chuck being so close to you and Amy too, it's just got me thinking, about it all. I went from not knowing any kids, to knowing one quite well, y'know? And Chuck and I were talking last night... I guess it's just been on my mind."

Sarah bypasses the point about Chuck being close to them, and shrugs.  
"That's understandable. And it's okay. But, I'm not planning on having another child right now, Amy is plenty to handle on her own, so you've got some time to think,"

Chuckling, Ellie grins, and as their drinks arrive she takes a sip of her cappuccino before settling her gaze on Sarah once more, determined this time. Sarah gulps her coffee, knowing what's coming. Those spy instincts don't fade that quickly.  
"On the subject of you and Chuck, though-"

Sarah's phone blares. It feels like a blessing from above. Tugging it out of her purse, she sees Chuck's name upon the screen, and, smiling instinctively, she looks up at Ellie.  
"Talking of your brother..." Ellie smirks, gesturing to the phone, and Sarah picks up. "Hi, Chuck,"

A giggle sounds out on the other end.  
"Mommy!" Amy squeals, and Sarah chuckles, warmed. Evidently, Chuck had called her and handed the phone over to the little girl. That, or Amy has stolen Chuck's cell phone and somehow managed to dial her mother, but Sarah's really hoping it's the former.

"Hiya, bug. Did Chuck let you call me?" she asks, grinning at the thought.

"Mmhm! I gots the phone." Amy says it proudly, and Sarah imagines the beam on her little girl's face just from her happy tone.

"I can tell. Are you having fun?"

"Yeah! We made cookies, and we did coloring, and we played Chuck's games..."

"She beat me again!" Chuck calls out, voice distant and echoing like he's shouted it from across the room, and Sarah snorts.

"I did!" Amy says, giggling. "Is Dr Ellie there?"

"Yeah, she is, I'm with her right now." Ellie waves at the cue, and Sarah grins. "She says hi, Ames."

Amy gasps.  
"Hi Dr Ellie!" When Sarah looks up to share the greeting, the woman is already laughing, and Sarah guesses Amy's loud shout was audible from the phone even across the table.

She smiles down the line, but cute though this is, she knows Amy will hold onto the phone forever unless asked, and there was going to be a reason to this mid-day phone call.  
"Baby, can you put Chuck on, please?" she asks, knowing he'll be waiting.

"Okay. Chu-uck," Amy calls in a sing-song tone. "'s Mommy,"

There's a rattling as the phone gets passed over, and then Chuck clears his throat.  
"Hey."

"Hey yourself," Sarah chuckles, and Chuck's soft laugh passes down the line. "How's it going?"

He hums.  
"If she's still got all her limbs attached it's a victory, right?" She giggles, and he sniffs, sobers. "Nah, she's been good. Like she said, we did some baking, played some games, she did _not_ wanna nap-"

"Nuh-uh." Amy calls, loudly, similarly to how Chuck had done earlier, and Sarah smirks as Chuck laughs again.

"Yeah, bug," he acknowledges, then continues. "So, yeah, I guess we'll do some reading or watch some TV since we just finished lunch, then play a little more."

"Okay." She can't help but think, it sounds like a great day. Even as she's having a great day here. She's glad that Chuck gets to do this, though, that Amy gets it, too, the two of them spending some time together, having fun. Even if it makes them even closer. She smiles a little wistfully as she keeps going. "Well, we've still got some shopping to do but I'll still be back late afternoon."

"Alright," he murmurs. "We miss you, Sarah."

She curses the way her throat constricts at the way he phrases that, voice so soft and sweet, even if he's just conveying Amy's thoughts and not his own. Maybe his own. She swallows.  
"I miss you both too,"

"I'll call you if we need anything, but enjoy your day, okay?" he says, sounding sweetly insistent, like he truly wants her to.

"Okay, Chuck," She smiles. "Tell Amy I'll see her later, and I'll see you later, too,"

"'Course. Bye, Sarah," he breathes, and then he's gone.

She hangs up, looking at Ellie, who's now just watching her knowingly, and she smiles a little awkwardly. Thankfully, their food arrives before the doctor can ask her anything, and Sarah takes a few bites so she doesn't have to look at the other woman. Because she knows that right before that phone call, Ellie was just about to ask about Sarah and Chuck, where they stand, and so on, all the things Sarah had anticipated. She's pretty sure, though, the call might've just cemented whatever Ellie was thinking anyway. She gulps down her sandwich, sips her coffee again, and looks back up at Ellie, steeling herself.

"What were you gonna ask?"

Ellie's eyebrows raise like she's unable to hide her surprise at the words; evidently, she hadn't thought Sarah would return to the topic. Sarah hadn't expected it herself, really, but she's going with it. Not running away.

"I... I don't know." She pulls a face, looking annoyed at herself. She takes a deep breath, then leans in, smirking. "It's funny, Chuck was never that great with kids, y'know?"

Sarah frowns at that clear change of direction, but also what Ellie's saying. The Chuck she knows, Sarah knows, is amazing with Amy, but she supposes she only knows the Chuck of right now. Ellie's known him his whole life.  
"Really?"

"Yeah. I mean he was okay with them, he could make them laugh for a while and I guess he's good with them at the Buy More, keeping them entertained as a customer, but any kind of long-term thing and he wasn't so good. We went to a friend's wedding, once, years ago, and he got stuck holding our cousin's, like, husband's sister's toddler for almost the whole reception, and you've never seen someone so uncomfortable, ever." Ellie snorts, and Sarah giggles even as the words surprise her. "It just wasn't his thing. So... how good he is with Amy, it's been kind of a surprise, to me."

Nodding, Sarah bites her lip, thinks back.  
"He's always been good with her. The first time we met was because of Amy, actually, and she wasn't that good with strangers then, like I said. But she saw Chuck, and he said hi, and she waved at him. That had never happened before, she usually just runs back to me." She grins at the memory, how, then, she'd had no idea what an important part of their lives Chuck Bartowski would very quickly become. "But after that, he just, he knew how to talk to her, knew how to react. You know, she drew him this picture of him and a lizard? And he just took it, and thanked her like it was totally normal. He put it on his refrigerator," She chuckles at the thought, going back to her food, and Ellie smiles too, but it fades quickly, the other woman evidently thinking.

"Sarah, I don't want Chuck to get hurt."

Sarah blinks, not going for her bite of side salad after all. She'd expected questions, from the other woman, but she hadn't expected this. Not this blunt, almost accusing, honesty.

"What?"

"I know that you two aren't..." Ellie trails off, unable to find the word much like Sarah often finds she can't, and waves a hand. "But you're still, y'know, involved, to a degree. Chuck is cautious, and careful, so for him to be involved with someone—not involved, but you know what I mean- when there's a child in the mix, too, I know that means it's a big deal to him. That you guys are a big deal to him, even if you're just friends. But if anything were to happen, I think it would hurt him, at this point. He's attached, to both of you, and I wouldn't want to see him hurt. I know from the past, Chuck hurts easily."

Absentmindedly wondering if she's being accused or warned, here, Sarah swallows.  
"Well, I don't wanna hurt him." she says, strong, sure of herself. That's why she's holding back now, after all. Literally staying away, trying to keep distanced, so he isn't hurt. It's a different kind of hurt, she supposes, emotional to physical, but the idea is the same. Not staying back leads to the same.

Ellie sighs.  
"I know that."

Though the doctor's words may be true, Sarah hears that she's not convinced, and leans forward.

"No, really, I notice it too. And trust me, if anything were to happen that would hurt Chuck if it went bad, it would hurt Amy too." Ellie raises an eyebrow, and Sarah shrugs. "There's never been anyone around her for as long as Chuck has been, apart from me. Br- my ex didn't spend this much time with her in almost a year. You know about her father, what happened with him, and like I told you, my parents haven't been big parts in my life. Amy loves having Chuck around, I know that, and he's special to her. So I know, it could go badly, with both of them, I know."

Ellie tilts her head, brow furrowed just a little.  
"Okay. And what about with you?"

That, Sarah supposes, is the bigger question here. She clears her throat, looks down at her meal.  
"Amy matters more. It could hurt me too, sure, but, Amy's the important thing here. And Chuck, to you."

Clearing her throat, Ellie picks at her food.  
"I'm sorry. I just-"

"I understand." And truly, Sarah does. After all, she'd been thinking the same thing before leaving Amy with Chuck today. "And that's why we're just friends."

Ellie nods, apparently done pushing, then sips her coffee.  
"Anyway, let's move on. How's work?"

Jumping into the opening, Sarah rambles about her work projects, her coworkers, the rumor that the CEO stumbled in still-drunk on New Year's Day, when the company wasn't even open again yet. And they get over the awkwardness, eventually.

But Sarah doesn't shake the knowledge that, whatever is between her and Chuck, it's enough for his sister to be concerned. And whatever it is, she's kinda concerned too. Because she wonders, if Chuck knew about Ellie's worries, if she voiced them to him, would he step back and listen to them? Or would he ignore them, ignore her, and just keep spending time with her and Amy?

Despite herself, despite understanding Ellie's concern, Sarah hopes it's the second option.

* * *

"This was so great," Ellie says, as they slow just by the parking lot. "We should definitely do it again some time. Or go for drinks, just hang out,"

"Yeah, yeah, Ellie, I'd like that. Sometimes it's easy to forget I'm an adult, who can do adult things," Sarah grins, and Ellie chuckles before looking at the bags in her own hands.

She pulls a face.  
"I told Devon I was gonna buy a lot, but I don't know if he thought it would be this much,"

Sarah chuckles, eyeing her own purchases. Most of them are necessary things, but some were a little indulgent, and it felt good to treat herself.  
"Well I should let you get back to him,"

Nodding, Ellie smiles, moving in and somehow hugging Sarah despite the many bags. Sarah chuckles as she hugs her back.  
"See you later, Sarah. Tell Chuck I said hi,"

She smiles, holds down a blush.  
"I will."

Ellie pulls back, grins again, and says goodbye before heading to her car. Once she's gone, Sarah releases the breath she hadn't known she'd been holding, and turns on her heel, heading the opposite way to her own car. It had been a nice day, if specked with awkwardness- Ellie's questions and comments, that whole moment in the cafe-, but overall Sarah enjoyed herself, and she's glad she let herself accept Ellie's offer, let herself indulge and get away from it all.

But she's also looking forward to getting back to Amy. And to Chuck. Seeing what they've been up to, what mess they might've made, how those cookies turned out. And so she reaches her car, puts the bags in the trunk, and drives back home, ignoring the voice in her head that questions just why she wants to see Chuck so much when she'd just told his sister a mere few hours ago that they were only friends. That to avoid someone getting hurt, that's essentially all they'd be.

She's still ignoring the voice when she reaches the apartment, still ignoring it in the elevator, and by the time she's in the hall, she's quashed it completely.

Heading up to the apartment, she shifts the bags she's carrying so they're resting in the crooks of her elbows, freeing her hands to get out her keys and turn them in the lock.

And as she pushes the door open, she is met with the sight of Chuck, lying on the sofa, Amy lying on top of him, her head nestled under his chin. Both of their eyes are lazily tuned to the TV. Amy is sucking her thumb, but Sarah lets it go, just watching them before they notice her.

Because something aches within her at this scene, and her being here, coming home to her daughter and the man they both care about, wrapped up lazily on the couch. This is what coming home should be like. This is what a family should feel like. And this, right here, is what she wants.  
She knows now, vague ideas of someone by her side, that's not what she longs for anymore. Now, it's Chuck, specifically. Chuck, with her, and Amy. Perfect.

And, as Amy turns her head, seeing Sarah, her eyes widening, the ache just grows. It's a little like a scene from a movie.

"Mommy!" she calls, clambering off Chuck and running toward her, and Sarah only just manages to crouch down and open her arms before Amy crashes into her, bags too, cuddling her tight.

She chuckles, holding her close.  
"Hi, baby. Did you miss me?"

Amy nods, and on the couch Chuck laughs softly, standing and stretching before heading their way.  
"I guess TV time is over." He grins goofily at Amy before turning to Sarah, looking at the various things in her hands. "Hi. You need any help?"

She smiles at his kindness, as ever.  
"No, I'm okay," She stands, feeling as Chuck still rests a steadying hand, warm and light, on her shoulder. Amy cuddles her legs, still, and Sarah chuckles. "Let me go put all these bags down in my room, bug, then cuddles, okay?"

Nodding, Amy lets go, and Chuck smiles as Sarah moves through to her room, dumping the various bags atop her bed. Rifling through them, she picks up the one with Amy's shirts and another smaller one before turning around. She draws up short, though, as she sees Chuck standing in her doorway, hands in his pockets.

"You have a good time?" he murmurs, voice a little gravelly. It makes something flip within her stomach.

She nods, smiles.  
"Yeah, it was fun. Oh, Ellie says hi." He chuckles, but something dawns on her, and she steps forward. "And... I realize I never said hi, so, hi."

He dips his head, and awkwardness descends for a beat before she moves in, hugs him briefly, the memories of that ache still within her. She wants this, dammit, she can't help it. He holds her in return, arms warm and gentle and soft like always, and she sighs into his shoulder before she pulls back. He smiles at her, all open, but thankfully steps back before Sarah can lean in and likely do something she'll regret.

"What did you buy?" he asks, as they head back out into the apartment, and Amy's head spins round from where she's once more taken a seat on the couch.

"Did you get me presents?"

She chuckles, walking up to Amy and tickling her cheek.  
"I suppose I did, Ames," She tugs the shirts out of the bag, hands them to Amy, and the little girl takes them curiously. When she looks at the one with a cartoon elephant making a silly face, she giggles, and Sarah grins back, letting Amy engulf her in a hug before she turns back to Chuck, reaching out with the other bag. "And I got you this, as a thank you."

He blinks, looking surprised, and takes the bag.  
"Oh, you didn't have to..." Pulling out the contents, he looks even more surprised.

"Ellie said you didn't have that one,"

"No, I don't," He turns the video game box over, reads the back. It's an extension pack for a game Ellie told Sarah he loves, and she thinks it's a worthy thank you for watching Amy all day. He looks back up at her and grins. "Thanks,"

"What is it?" Amy asks, before Sarah can reply, and Chuck turns to her.

"Oh, it's a video game, bug. But it's not one you can play just yet, okay? We'll stick with the driving." Amy giggles, shrugs an okay, but Sarah looks to the TV and blinks when she sees the games console attached to it, plugged in with various wires. Chuck steps forward. "It's just my old system, I brought it over so Amy could play while the cookies were baking. I got a new one for Christmas and I just hadn't thrown this out yet. You guys can keep it, if- if you want."

"Yeah! So we can play games, Mommy!"

There's no arguing with her daughter, Sarah knows, though she doubts they'll play on the console all that much. But it's still kind of Chuck to give it to them, and so Sarah smiles, steps in and kisses his cheek.  
"Thank you." He flushes, but his hand finds hers, fingers squeezing her own. She smiles, then turns to Amy. "Now, where are these cookies I keep hearing about?"

And as she is lead into the kitchen, as she tries the cookies, as they spend a little more time with Chuck before he heads home, that aching feeling never leaves Sarah. Because she wants this, but she also really just wants Chuck. Giving in means making him an even bigger target, and she knows she can't, but that doesn't mean she can control her thoughts, her wants. And she wants him, to be here, with her, with them.

And, if the searing look he gives her as he leaves is any indication, he still wants her bad, too.

* * *

 **a/n 2:** Aw, look, baking's back. Zettel kindly called this story a "canto to convection baking and to slow-burn romance" the other day, and whaddya know, this chapter has both of those, again. I loved writing Sarah and Ellie hanging out, here, their friendship is one of my favourites in the show and I like transferring it here in these little moments. While also making it a tad awkward for everyone involved. Oh, and the scene where Sarah came home to find Chuck and Amy on the couch was something I'd had in my head since the start of this fic, an idyllic little moment with these three. They just keep falling for each other. Next up, Chapter 12, 'The Story', for a little post-movie-night fun. See you guys in a couple days!

-Kiera :)


	12. The Story

**summary:** Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they find a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

 **a/n:** And another one. I figured after the various travels and trips of the past few chapters, a quiet night in with this lot was deserved. Sometimes those quiet moments can lead to the most progress, after all. Amy's bathtime habits ahead are stolen from my younger self, btw. I did not like shampoo. Anyway, I don't have much more to say than that, lol, so if you enjoy this chapter, as ever, please leave a review! Here we go.

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Chuck, dinosaurs, certain old sitcoms, or rather deep conversations.

* * *

 **The Story**

As the credits begin to dance onscreen, final tune playing along with them, Amy cuddles into her side, and Sarah tries not to roll her eyes at the familiar routine. Every time the movie ends, Amy tries to stay. And every time she does, Sarah refuses to give in.  
It's not that she's particularly strict with the little girl, but their movie nights with Chuck tend to be the latest Amy goes to bed at all, the biggest indulgence of their week, and since it's a Friday Sarah doesn't mind that so much. But, as she'd noted so long ago, routine with her little girl is key, and she likes to stick to it when possible. Besides, if Amy did stay up much longer, she'd crash anyway, and Sarah would either have to disturb her again to get through their usual bedtime ritual of bath, teeth, story, and bed, or skip it, which wouldn't be good. So as long as they keep doing these movie nights, Amy goes to bed when the movie is done, and Chuck goes home.

Even if Sarah has been increasingly tempted to ask him to stay, have a drink with her, talk, like they did that first time. But since Thanksgiving he's taken his leave before she can even ask, and she doesn't want to be awkward or have to insist. The space between them is all her fault, or Caria's fault, at least, and she doesn't want to have to beg for Chuck's company when she's the one keeping him at a distance.

And so, as Chuck reaches for the remote and pauses the end of the credits, just like always, Sarah strokes Amy's arm.  
"C'mon, bug, time for bed. Say goodnight to Chuck."

Amy sighs.  
"I don't wanna."

Sarah pauses, bites her lip.  
"Ames..." she starts, keeping her voice measured and even, trailing off. Usually, that's enough for Amy to grasp what her mother may be about to say and agree, but this time, Amy just pauses a moment and then tilts her head.

"Can Chuck read me my story?"

Both adults in the room blink in surprise, but Sarah clears her throat first.  
"What, baby?"

"Can Chuck read me my story? Then I'll go sleep?" she asks, like she's thought the whole thing through, which Sarah realizes, she likely has. Her little girl has somehow planned this, wanted to ask for this and made it air-tight. Sometimes even Sarah's stunned by how clever and sneaky her three-year-old is.

Looking up at Chuck, she finds him just as lost as her, even gaping a little. Saying no would just sound mean—Amy would be read a story anyway since she gets one every night, it isn't really a problem who reads it to her. There is no reason, really, to refuse the little girl, unless Chuck just doesn't want to stay. But she knows her neighbor- he's not that kinda guy. She shrugs, and Chuck does the same, before reaching out and ruffling Amy's hair.

"Okay. Let your mom give you a bath and get you into bed, then I'll come read you a story, yeah bug?"

She nods enthusiastically, and as Sarah stands, Amy hops off the couch too and hurriedly rushes down to the bathroom, apparently wanting to get her bedtime routine done with quickly so she can be read to by Chuck all the sooner. Sarah, though, just stays, looking at their neighbor.

"You sure you're okay with it? If you'd rather get back..."

"No, it's cool. I got nowhere else to be," He shrugs, smiles, and Sarah nods, though a little awkwardly. If he's got nowhere else to be, then surely he would've just gone home and sat alone all evening if Amy hadn't asked this. Maybe, that's what he does after most of their movie nights, much like she just sits by herself here, alone, often wishing he were still here with her. Both of them by themselves, across the hall.

"Alright. Well, we shouldn't take long, I don't think she wants us to take long," She chuckles, that quite the understatement. Amy basically just ran out of the place leaving a trail of smoke behind her. "So... I'll let you know when we're done."

Nodding again, she steps past him, trying to ignore the awkward air descending. Amy's request is sweet and innocent, but Sarah knows, and Chuck likely knows, what it implies is a great deal heavier than the little girl could ever realize. Rushing to the bathroom probably similarly to the way her daughter had, she finds Amy already sitting on the floor by the tub, waiting impatiently, arms crossed. Sarah smirks at her as she huffs exaggeratedly, and she just starts the water running instead.

When it's ready and almost filled to the brim with bubbles, she sets Amy in the tub, but the little girl immediately reaches for her shampoo rather than any of her bath toys and Sarah tries not to laugh. She'd been right, of course—a slow relaxed fun bathtime, this is not going to be. Amy is all business right now. Filling a jug and wetting Amy's hair, she hands her a washcloth to cover her eyes as she starts applying the shampoo. Since some got in the little girl's eyes a while back, she's had something of a phobia, and Sarah lets her hold the cloth over her eyes instead of dealing with the squirming and squealing she knows is the alternative.

"What story do you want Chuck to read you, Ames?" she asks, as she's lathering up the shampoo.

Amy hums, the sound a little muffled by the washcloth.  
"Hmm, don't know." she says, clearly thinking hard on it. Sarah rubs the shampoo into the ends of Amy's hair, waiting for her to think of something. "We just watched Belle,"

"We did,"

She perks up a little, an idea evidently blooming, and Sarah tickles her neck. The little girl giggles before shifting a bit.  
"My dinosaur book?"

Sarah grins.  
"Oh, that's a good one, we haven't read that in a while." She pauses, biting her lip a little, but the somewhat teasing urge can't be quashed. "Hey, maybe if you ask nicely Chuck might do voices."

Amy attempts to spin, but Sarah holds her forward, keeping her head tilted back as she refills the jug to wash the shampoo out.  
"You think?!" she squeals, and Sarah chuckles, running her hand through Amy's damp curls, making sure all the suds are out.

"Maybe." She's got a feeling, though, that Chuck would do just about anything Amy asked. Sarah knows from experience, it's hard to resist her little girl, and she's also pretty sure, almost entirely sure, that Chuck's sunk for her. After all, he's still here, when usually he's home by now, just because Amy asked.

Sighing, she reaches for a sponge, squeezing some soap onto it and finishing washing up Amy.

When she's done, and Amy's brushed her teeth, Sarah dresses the little girl in her bear bathrobe, complete with a hood with little ears on it that she still finds one of the most adorable things ever created, and carries her through to her room, taking a quick look over her shoulder as they go. She sees Chuck walking around in the living room and kitchen as they pass him, for what reason she isn't sure, but he doesn't look their way, and so she quickly gets Amy into her pajamas and brushes her hair out before she wriggles beneath the covers. Setting up her nightlight, Sarah then heads back out into the hall, clearing her throat.

Chuck turns, smiling.  
"All good?"

She nods, grins.  
"Yep. She's all yours," With another smirk, she slides past him, pretending she's not just gonna eavesdrop, or at least trying to find something to do before she begins the eavesdropping. He heads into Amy's room, leaving the door open, and Sarah steps into the living room, surprised, but also not, to find that Chuck has cleared up the relative mess they'd made during the movie. He's put the DVD back and closed the doors on the cabinet the cases sit in, returned the seat cushions to their rightful places, moved their mugs into the kitchen where they now sit, draining on the drying rack. Sarah has absolutely nothing to do, the stupid sweet man.

And so, waiting and forcing herself to sit down for two minutes, she slowly sneaks back to Amy's room, staying hiding a little in the doorway, and grins at the sight she sees.

Amy is lying in bed still while Chuck is sitting on the little seat Sarah always uses for stories- Amy must've told him to use it. Chuck is in the middle of the story, book open in his hand, and the three-year-old's eyes are wide, rapt. Chuck is doing voices, alright, and actions, gesturing out with his hands as he does a silly booming voice, shrinking down low when he uses a dorky high-pitched tone, bringing a pretty mundane dinosaur story to life. And Amy is loving it. It's not all too excitable she won't fall asleep, Sarah doesn't think, but it's still fun, Amy giggling at lines, Chuck laughing too. It's a sweet, heart-warming sight, and Sarah just folds her arms, watches, as Amy's blinks gradually get longer and slower, Chuck's words getting softer and softer as he reaches the end of the story, and when he wraps up the book, closing it and setting it down, he smooths down Amy's hair a little.

"G'night, bug," he murmurs, so warm Sarah's heart starts to race.

Amy cuddles into her pillow, clutching Dog tighter, Sarah sees.  
"Night Chuck," she murmurs, and from the distance Sarah just catches the shadow of a smile on her lips. Amy shifts against the pillow. "Love you,"

Midway to standing, Chuck freezes. Sarah gapes. Amy drifts to sleep blissfully.

Chuck turns, looking shocked, but when his eyes meet Sarah's he stops again, questioning. She knows why- that was a lot, coming from Amy. But as much of a surprise as it is, Sarah's not too stunned, now that she thinks on it. They spend a lot of time with Chuck, and Amy's asking him to read a bedtime story to her shows how much she treasures his company, let alone everything else they've done together, everything else that makes them close. It's as strange as it is lovely, just how much Amy has become attached to Chuck, just how much he means in their family now. Amy had never wanted Bryce to read her a story, Amy had never said she loved Bryce, even sleepily, when she knows what she's saying least. Because Chuck is so much more to them than anyone else has ever been.

She just shrugs a shoulder, smiling, and Chuck heads toward her, stopping by her side in the doorway and eyeing her for a beat before looking back over to Amy.

"I think she had fun," he murmurs, and Sarah chuckles softly.

"She did, I'm sure. Thank you, for doing that."

He turns, smiles.  
"Of course."

When he looks back over at Amy, Sarah does the same, but she also finds herself leaning into Chuck, leaning into his warmth like it's pulling her in. Before she knows it, she's slipping her arms around his waist, moving in and resting her head against his chest, still looking out. He doesn't tense, doesn't jolt, just holds her in return, and for a brief wonderful moment Sarah savors everything. This amazing man who's come into their lives, who she's definitely got feelings for, warm and supportive and holding her. Her daughter, lulled to sleep by Chuck's voice, sleeping safe and happy in her bed. Everything feels _right_ , even if it isn't. Even if there's still uncertainty between her and Chuck, even if Amy loving him so much makes things complicated. Now, right now in this moment, everything just feels good.

Yet again, this feels like a family.

Though they could watch Amy sleep all evening, after a minute Sarah shifts, looks up at Chuck.  
"D'you wanna stay a little while longer? Have some wine?"

He grins.  
"Yeah. Yeah, it's been too long since we did that,"

She can't help but agree. Stepping away from him, regretting the loss of his warmth, she has to admit, she takes one last look at Amy to check everything's okay, then heads into the kitchen, reaching for two wine glasses out of a cupboard, and moving to the fridge to get the bottle of white. She pours out the drinks and heads through to Chuck, finding him by the couch, flicking through the TV channels.

"I was trying to find music," he says, shrugging, still going from show to show, and Sarah shakes her head as she hands him his glass.

"Just leave it on a show or a movie or something, I don't mind." He changes to some sitcom and turns the volume down low, and she curls up on the couch, sipping her own wine as he sits next to her, closer than usual. Of course, usually, Amy's between them both, keeping them apart. She looks at him, smirks a little. "You cleaned up. You put stuff away, you did dishes."

"Eh, I'm a Bartowski, we clean." he says casually, waving her off.

She snorts at that, setting her drink on the coffee table before leaning back.  
"It was still kind of you, I could've got it,"

He shrugs.  
"Don't worry about it. I figure, coming over here every week, drinking your hot chocolate- or wine-" He smirks. "And watching your movies and stuff, cleaning up is the least I can do."

"Trust me, Chuck, you pay us back just by being here," she murmurs, and his eyes widen a little, apparently surprised at her truthfulness, before he clears his throat, tips back some of his wine. She licks her lips, eyes him. It feels like they barely talk, some of these nights, and she wants to talk, she likes talking to Chuck, she always has. "How's your software coming along?"

He does a double take, then grins, putting his glass down.  
"It's good, real good, actually. I've been testing out my antivirus, it seems to be working, well. I think I'm gonna start looking around soon, for investors, or a company I could partner with, see if anyone's interested."

She raises her eyebrows.  
"Wow. That's... big, that's really big." she says, somehow proud of him, for him, and he smiles again.

"Yeah, well, it's been a long time since I properly started working on it, so I'm just relieved I've made some progress. But it feels good." He pauses, cheeks tinged a little pink. "If it works out, eventually, I can work on new stuff, hopefully stop at Buy More, start doing things I wanna do. I—I had this five year plan, once. It's kinda changed, now, but I'd like to start crossing stuff off my list…" He trails off, leaving quite what's on that list unsaid, but his eyes suddenly lock on hers, intense, and she looks away to take another drink.

When her thoughts are more controlled, she grins.  
"I'm glad it's working out, Chuck, it's awesome." He chuckles, and she tilts her head. "Speaking of, what do they make of it, Ellie and Devon, and Morgan?"

"Oh." He flushes again, not in shy embarrassment this time, but guilt, she thinks, judging by the way he gulps a little too. "I... kinda haven't told them how much progress I've made. They think I'm still in the early stages with it. I keep putting off telling them in case I hit a wall and it all falls apart, but so far it's been good."

She hums, his logic sound, more or less, if he doesn't want to curse things. And if he perhaps doesn't want to get his sister's hopes up prematurely, either. Sarah knows Ellie's been so happy that Chuck moved out, is moving on. His work being a success would just top it all off, but if things don't work out, it's more than just Chuck who could get disappointed. There's one key thing Sarah can think of, though, and she frowns a little.  
"So why did you tell me?"

"I don't know," he says, and she believes him from his tone. It's like he hadn't even thought on it. Frowning a little, he tilts his head. "I guess I don't think you'll jinx me as much. You're the opposite, really, I only started getting good results when I met you and Ames,"

He's said that before, that night not long after Halloween, similar to this one, when they'd first agreed on Friday movie nights to give Amy stability. But it takes Sarah's breath away as much now as it did then, that impact he feels they've had upon his life. It's humbling, really. That he holds the two of them in such high regard.

She smiles at him, slow, then turns to the TV. The last show has ended, Friends now beginning, and Sarah snorts at the credits, less at them actually being funny and more at the oddly familiar feeling that they spur in her.

"I didn't have you down as a Friends fan," Chuck murmurs, and she turns to him with a grin.

"You'd be surprised, then, I watched a lot of this show when I was pregnant,"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She shrugs, thinks back to that time. It's all a little hazy, now, compared to her very busy present, with Amy here, Chuck too, the constant danger in their lives that lurks in the back of her mind. She feels so different to her younger self, who often watched this show just for something to do. "I quit my job when I found out, and I was just in a temp job for a while until Amy was born, so I had a lot of free time. I think I watched every season that was out."

He chuckles, though she sees the curiosity in his gaze. She's never mentioned what she was doing before Amy was born, and he's never asked, and she rather hopes he doesn't ask now. She hates lying to him, more than anything. And though she isn't a spy anymore, and technically, she can tell that to anyone, she never does. She keeps that inside. And she doesn't want to admit that side of her life to Chuck, not now, not yet, not all the things she'd seen, done. She struggles enough to admit it to herself, sometimes.

Thankfully, he just shifts on the couch, incidentally moving a little closer to her.  
"Since you mentioned work, how is the world of accounting?"

She shrugs.  
"Not too different. We just took on a pretty big new client, so I was delegating things today, giving my team departments to look at." He smirks, amused, and she frowns at the expression. "What?"

"Nothing," he says, a little mischievously. "I'm just wondering if you're a tough boss."

"Could you imagine me as a tough boss?" she asks, eyebrow raised in a little challenge. She hardens her expression, and Chuck suddenly blinks, shifts, like he's just realized what he might have walked into.

"Uh. Honestly, I don't know,"

She chuckles at his save, but answers anyway.  
"I'd say I'm fair. I'm tough when we're at work, but I don't want anyone to have to take their work home with them. Plus it's hard to seem scary when you've got pictures of your kid on your desk," He snorts, sipping his wine, and she grins. "I've actually run out of room and I've just had to tape some copies of photos to the filing cabinet."

"Seriously?"

"With the photos from Thanksgiving, and Halloween, yeah, I had to bump some baby pictures down,"

He chuckles, though yet again his cheeks flush a little. He's probably realizing how many of those photos he might be in. It's quite a few.  
"I think I know what you mean. I've got so many of Amy's drawings up on my refrigerator and in my locker at work I'm starting to run out of room,"

"Sorry, not my fault my daughter's an artist," she jokes, eyes narrowed teasingly, and he grins.

"I know, I know. Honestly, I love it. Although everyone at work was a little confused, at first." Probably at Chuck's apparently acquiring an almost-four-year-old over the past six or so months. Sarah frowns as she thinks on that, thinks just how much his life has probably changed since he met them. He's gone from a regular guy working in a Buy More, to halfway to a father, working on software he's almost ready to sell, in six months. It's a big leap, and though Sarah knows the software is all his own work, she also knows he never really asked to become as integrated into their lives, Amy's life, as he is. He never asked for this responsibility, a little girl who wants him to read her stories, who adores him, who wants him to be here all the time. And Sarah didn't check, either, if he wanted it. It all just sort of... happened.

She tilts her head, eyes him curiously, torn between wanting to ask what he makes of all this, and wanting to just leave it be. She doesn't want to scare him, addressing the weight of their lives, but she also doesn't want to stand by doing nothing. Chuck is prepared, on top of things, getting on with his life with that five year plan, and he probably didn't expect to get halfway to parenthood when he'd first met the two of them.  
But that's where he is. He's not here all the time, no, but he is when she asks, he is when Amy asks, and sometimes, she knows, he's here just because he wants to be here. He's by her side, supportive, an extra pair of hands, and often, a hand to hold.

Instead of leaning into him and taking his hand much like she wants to, though, she stays where she is, and a sudden cold feeling washes over her. Cold from an absence of warmth, she realizes, rather than an actual chill. Wrapping her arms around herself, she tries to be subtle, but Chuck notices, of course. He always seems to notice these things with her, and yet, he still seems utterly clueless at times on how she feels about him.

"You cold?" he asks, arching an eyebrow, and she shrugs.

"A little," she admits, not being entirely truthful as to why, but still admitting it, at least.

He looks around a moment, trying to find something, then turns back to her.  
"You got a blanket, or something? I could go get one, if you want."

"Oh," She frowns a little, trying to think quite where she might have put all of her throws, ones she used to wrap herself up in on a lonely night in New York. "There's a box, in my room, the white one? There should be a blanket in the top of that, just move the pictures on top,"

"Alright," He grins, standing up and heading into her room, emerging a few moments later with the pale blue throw she'd been thinking of in hand. She takes it with a smile, wrapping it around her shoulders and pretending it at all compares to Chuck's warmth. She's been in his arms, she was just earlier tonight, and she knows, it's no comparison. When he sits by her side, though, and sends her a soft look, she knows he must be thinking of something.

"What?" she asks, and he lifts his mouth in half a smile.

"Nothing, I just, um, I liked the photographs, there. The, the one of you…"

She frowns, trying to recall quite what pictures are up on that box. She has so many, takes so many, that she often forgets which ones are where. It dawns on her suddenly, though, quite which one he might've been meaning.  
"The one of me and my mom?" she asks, and he nods, a little awkwardly. Because, while it is a rare, lovely photograph of the two of them, it's also one taken while Sarah was pregnant. She's in a red dress, one she'd loved, actually, and she's sitting in a café with her mother. Her mom had tried to take a picture just of her, and one of the wait staff had offered, as servers often do, to get a picture with both of them in. Though it had felt strange, since it was one of the first times they'd met up since Sarah's childhood, she's always been glad they'd accepted. It was a good day, that day. And she has so few pictures of herself with her mom, all the others are with her and Amy, instead. So she keeps it framed in her room now, a nice reminder. But she also knows, Chuck's now seen it, seen her as she was then, six months along. And judging by the look he's sending her right now, it's making him feel the same way previous photos of her have done in the past, that one of her asleep, holding a sleeping baby Amy, those sorts. Every time, the look on his face, in his eyes, is just the same. Rolling mixing emotions, warmth and depth and oh, so much affection.

"Can I ask you something?" he asks, and she nods, instantly. "What was it like?"

She blinks, wondering how on earth to answer that, how to convey quite what her pregnancy had been like. Cutting her eyes to the TV, she smiles as she remembers the episode of Friends, just vaguely. She licks her lips, thinking back to that time, figuring out how to quantify it all. Without even thinking, she reaches out, finds his hand, curls her fingers around his. Immediately, she feels less cold.

"It was... lonely, I guess. I went to, y'know, classes and groups so it wasn't just me, and I talked to my Mom on the phone a lot. But it was still just me, at the end of the day, going through it all. And Amy, I guess." He runs his thumb over her knuckles, and a slight shiver runs through her. The good kind. The really good kind. She shifts, sits up a little more, blanket shifting on her shoulders. "But it was also pretty amazing."

His lips quirk into a grin, bright and radiant.  
"Yeah?"

"Yeah. There were difficult moments, sure, but mostly I just... tried to wrap my head around the whole thing."

He chuckles.  
"And now you've got a kid who's almost four, who's like, a proper person now, that's awesome,"

She grins at his phrasing, shaking her head.  
"It is, even if I can't believe she's that old already. People aren't lying when they say it all goes fast, nothing's stopped since I held her in the hospital." Apart from, sometimes, the sheer moments of peace she feels with Chuck. She might've been running constantly, always going, since Amy came into the world, but with Chuck, everything feels a little easier, a little lighter. Like right now, it's almost like time is standing still, just pausing for them to have this moment. "And you've seen that photo too, of course," she says, with a smirk, but yet again, he sobers a little, clears his throat.

"I, uh, I wanted to say, last time, when you showed me, but Amy was here..." He shakes his head. "Something about that photo, it just made me think… Sarah, you are... so incredible,"

She wants to brush him off, she only had a baby, millions of people do it, but she knows Chuck wouldn't back down from that, not at all. And with his words, the soft rasp in his voice, the openness in his eyes, she knows all of his feelings right now, and despite herself she doesn't want to make them go away. He cares so much, she can barely think. She just squeezes his fingers again.

"Thank you."

"Seriously. Going through it all alone, I-" He trails off, shakes his head again, like he can't wrap his mind around it. "I'm just so sorry, that Amy's dad couldn't be there. And I'm so sorry he's not here now, I mean..."

She smiles sadly.  
"I'm sorry, too. But he's not, and I'm at peace with that." She looks up at him, leans in a little. She could blame the wine or the moment for the way her thoughts immediately go, but she knows it's not due to those. It's just fact, fact he deserves to know. She smiles, small. "And you're here, Chuck. You're here to read my daughter a bedtime story, you're watching old TV shows with me, you're here. You come with us to the park, you've looked after Ames. Even though you don't need to be, you never need to be, you're always here."

Something shutters on his face, pained, but he pushes it away and smiles at her, and she can only smile back, grateful, eternally so. His eyes still look aching, though, that ever-present warmth building, and she knows he's trying to hold back on his feelings, right now. But he thinks she's incredible, and he's here, which means the world to her. She looks back at him, and even as fear in her heart reminds her of Caria, out there, somewhere, of the eternal risk of getting close, even with that, she leans in, looks at Chuck, and gently presses her lips to his.

Soft, sweet, searing, and short. That's what the kiss is. But it's so much more, it's gratitude and hope and just the idea of what she wants, conveyed. In that moment, she doesn't care about Caria, she doesn't care about her worries, she just cares about Chuck.

And then she pulls back, rests her forehead on his.  
"Thank you," she murmurs, the words feeling like such an understatement, like they barely capture how truly grateful she is for his existence. He lets out a shaky breath, his arms slipping around her waist. She falls into him, rests her head against his neck, feels as he sits back against the couch and keeps her close. For the hundredth time, she just feels right, here. Like she's exactly where she's supposed to be.

He rests his head against her hair, and she feels him plant a kiss there, brief and sweet, before he shifts, holds her to him, and she leans against his side, pressing against his chest, feeling absolutely no urge to run. The blanket is still around her shoulders. She doesn't need it anymore.

Eventually, she turns her head, looks out at the TV, and Chuck turns too, and they stay wrapped up like that, pretending to be watching Friends, until Sarah's eyes start to droop. His warmth is just that comforting.

"I should go," he murmurs, at the end of an episode, and she lets him slip away and stand up, staying curled against the back of the couch even as she nods, smiles. "I'll, um, I'll show myself out."

"G'night," she says, and he smiles, softly.

"Goodnight, Sarah,"

After a moment of apparent decision, he leans down, kisses her cheek, and leaves. She stays there, feeling the searing touch of his lips for minutes and minutes, until she shuts off the TV, locks the front door, and goes to bed, promptly falling asleep in moments. The memory of his warmth lulls her to sleep, even if a part of her, just a part, wishes he was still here with her.

* * *

 **a/n 2:** Oh yeah. That happened. Making Chuck a super dorky dinosaur storyteller was somehow a goal of mine from the start, idek, and I always knew that Amy just spilling some feelings would lead to Sarah spilling some truths, aided by some photographs, always important to these two… Sometimes you just can't keep that stuff inside. Like I've said, slow burn, y'all. It leads to these moments. If you enjoyed this night, please leave a review and let me know. Next up, Chapter 13, 'The Zoo'! I won't make you guys guess where they may go…

-Kiera :)


	13. The Zoo

**summary:** Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they find a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

 **a/n:** Hello from a lovely Spanish island! I mean posting this a tad earlier than usual because I have a sangria in hand. That's right, I love you guys enough to even update this thing on my vacation. Besides, I really like this chapter- who doesn't love a trip to the zoo, right? I figured this was both a way to move stuff along and also achieve maximum Amy cuteness. I've never been to the LA Zoo, but I did spend a ridiculously long time on their website researching this chapter, and while I fudged a couple details, for the drama, of course, hopefully it's not too far out. If you like this chapter,please leave a review, and enjoy!

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Chuck, animal songs, overly-friendly strangers, or fridge magnets.

* * *

 **The Zoo**

She's reading the newspaper over a surprisingly calm breakfast one morning when Amy sees it. The advertisement, big and colorful, is plastered across from the article on finance Sarah is reading.

"Mommy, I wanna go!"

"Mhm?" She looks up from her bowl of granola, seeing Amy grinning in her chair. "Go where, baby?"

"There!" she says, pointing at the newspaper, and Sarah frowns, looking down. _LA ZOO. ENTRY PRICES REDUCED._ is stamped across the splash, surrounded by all sorts of creatures and leaves, inviting, enticing. And it's grabbed Amy's attention—or the animals, have, at least, and even if Amy can't read most of the words she's still understood vaguely what it's promoting.

Sarah hums, looking at the page, gliding her gaze over the terms and conditions at the bottom before she even asks Amy.  
"You wanna go to the zoo?"

"Yeah! I wanna see the animals."

The conditions seemingly not unearthing any tricks, just stating the dates through which the offer is around, Sarah nods.  
"Okay, we could go this weekend, baby."

"Can we ask Chuck?" Amy asks, instantly. "Maybe he wants to see the animals!"

Smirking, Sarah considers that. They're well into February now, so their last outing, to the park, was a while back. But they saw him for a movie just a couple days ago, and the week before that was when he'd stayed late, read to Amy, and... other things had happened. So she's not sure if he'll want to go, or indeed if he'll even be free. But it would be nice, to spend time with him. Nothing much has happened since that night, last Friday Amy had been content with Sarah reading her a story and Chuck had customarily left after the movie with just a long look in Sarah's direction. She would definitely like to spend more time with him. And Amy no doubt would, too. Days out with Chuck in public are somewhat risky, Sarah knows, but again, the ghost of a threat, of someone maybe not even in the country, can't change her life entirely.

"Alright, I'll think about it. Now please eat your cereal, okay? We'll be running late soon." She checks her watch, and remarkably they're still five minutes ahead of schedule; Amy had woken promptly today after Sarah had already gotten ready herself, and she hadn't then made a fuss or wanted to play or see Chuck (arguments they often have in the morning). At the rate they're going, they're still on time to get her dressed and ready for daycare before Sarah heads to work. If, that is, Amy eats her breakfast and doesn't keep asking about the zoo.

Thankfully, the rest of breakfast goes smoothly, and once Amy is in her jeans and t-shirt, hair in a ponytail, shoes on, Sarah grabs her things and they leave on time. As they head down the hall, though, she takes a look at Chuck's door, wondering once more about this outing Amy wants.

When she gets to work, she slips out her phone, bringing up her texts with Chuck.  
 _Amy wants to go to the zoo, and she wants you to come with us._ she types, absentmindedly thinking her daughter isn't the only one. _Are you free on Saturday? Should be fun :)_

His answer comes back in moments.  
 _Definitely._

She grins at her screen, but a knock sounds on her office door before she can reply, and she sets her phone aside, waving in one of her coworkers. And as she sorts through accounts, she can't help but think that she's gonna have a very happy child when she picks her up this afternoon.

* * *

He knocks right on time at 9am. Though the zoo isn't too far away, and it won't open for another hour or so, they'd decided to try and get there early to see as many things as possible. Since the promotion Amy had spotted ends on Sunday, they don't have another chance to go back for such a good price, and Sarah's determined to make the most of it.

Checking it's Chuck, she pulls the door open, grinning at him.

"Hey," he says, smiling back, his hands in his pockets. He's in that rather deadly combo of jeans, a t-shirt, and a black leather jacket again, and Sarah tries not to stare too much.

"Hi," She steps forward, hugs him briefly, getting it in before Amy hears who's arrived and no doubt runs through from her room. Sure enough, when she pulls away, she hears the rush of feet on the floor, and steps aside just as Amy barrels into Chuck.

She giggles into his legs.  
"Hi Chuck!"

Grinning, he leans down, lifts her.  
"Hi, Ames. Are you excited for the zoo?"

"Yes! Yes yes yes-"

"I think that's a yes," he says, chuckling, then turning to Sarah, gaze warm as ever, all too easy to get lost in. Her mind traitorously reminds her of the way his lips had felt against hers just the other week, how soft and strong his arms had been around her. "You ready to go?"

She swallows, shakes herself out of it.  
"Just a few minutes, I need to get some things." He nods with a smile, then chats to Amy, and Sarah leaves the two, slipping into her room and packing a bag with the usual things to go in the stroller. This time, though, she gets her digital camera, too, zipping it into its carry case and slipping that into her purse. She knows there'll be a lot today she'll want to document, and probably a lot Amy will want documented, too. Shrugging the purse on and carrying the bag, picking up the folded stroller, she heads back out to the living room, finding Amy already sitting waiting on the couch, shoes in hand.

"Mommy, we match again!" she squeals, and Chuck wiggles his foot a little, showing off the black chucks he's wearing. Amy, of course, has her pink ones in her hand. Sarah chuckles, setting her things down on the floor and moving to help Amy tie up her shoes.

Once Amy is ready, Sarah grabs her own shoes and slips them on, standing to find Chuck has already grabbed the stroller and bag. She sends him a thankful smile as she reaches for Amy's jacket and lets her put it on herself (the three-year-old thankfully gets the right arms in the right holes this time) and then slips her own jacket on, nodding to them both when she's done.  
"Let's go," She grins, and Amy immediately bounces up and down.

"Yay!" she cheers as she heads to the door, trying to get it open herself, and Sarah chuckles as she grabs her purse and opens the door for her. True to form, Amy runs down the hall, despite Sarah calling to her to walk. Chuck laughs by her side.

"Oh she's definitely excited," he says, and Sarah snorts.

"Did her shirt not give it away?"  
Amy had decided to wear her t-shirt with a big cartoon lion on it, since she's decided those are who she wants to see the most. Though Sarah had suggested other animal-themed shirts, Amy had stayed fast, and Sarah gave in eventually.

Chuck hums.  
"A little. It's cute, though, I used to love the zoo as a kid too,"

She grins at him as they round the corner of the hall, seeing Amy waiting patiently by the elevator.  
"Thank you for coming today," Sarah says, and Chuck quirks an eyebrow. "It'll be nice to spend some time together. Plus... outings are a little easier with two," She gestures to the stroller and bag for it that he's carrying, and he flushes a little at her words. She can't help but think, she hopes he knows where she stands now, with him, with the two of them and their relationship. Though she hasn't told him in so many words that she wants to be with him, that's more because she's not sure how she'd ever hold out, then. How she'd ever not just fall into him all over again once he knows that's exactly what she wants to do. And since she doesn't want to worry him yet or even scare him by sharing the threat that would be put upon him, the danger he'd be in from Caria if they dated, she'd probably still keep it to herself, and that would mean lying to Chuck just to be with him, deceiving him, not being truly honest with him even while being selfish enough to be with him. And that, she couldn't do. But she hopes he at least knows, after she'd kissed him, thanked him for being here with her, reminded him of all the things he does with Amy that her father never got to do, she hopes he now knows she wants something with him, even if he maybe thinks she's still not ready right now. And still, they have these awkward little moments, these blushes and hidden smiles, when the reality of their relationship is the most evident. She just smiles at him, keeps walking, and he smiles back as they reach Amy, now bouncing up and down impatiently. As ever, her daughter's sweetness reminds Sarah of just why she's still holding out, with Chuck. To keep him safe, and to keep Amy safe, too, to stay here with her rather than chasing ghosts. Chuckling, and ruffling her hair, Sarah presses the button for the elevator, waiting as it opens before stepping inside, entourage in tow.

Chuck, arms still full, looks down at Amy.  
"So what animals are you most excited to see?"

"Lions!" She squeals, then roars up at them, and Sarah has to admit it's one of the most adorable things she's ever seen, even if it is from her own daughter. "And and, the other kitties."

Chuck smirks.  
"All the big cats? Like the jaguars? And the leopards? And the tigers?"

"Yeah!"

"Oh, my," Chuck deadpans, and Sarah holds back a snort as the doors open. He sends her a knowing wink and she fully ignores the spark it makes her feel in her stomach. Amy heads out first, excitedly, and they follow. "It's a pity, though. I'm allergic to cats, bug, remember? They make me sneeze."

Amy stops abruptly, frowns and pouts, perhaps remembering when Chuck had told her that the second time they'd met.  
"Oh no."

"Hey, no it's okay," he soothes, immediately. "I should be fine just to look at them."

Though the little girl still seems wary, she nods, and Sarah grins. They head to her car, since when making plans they'd quickly decided wrangling Amy's car seat into the red and white Nerd Herd car Chuck drives would be pretty difficult, and she pops the trunk to let Chuck put the things he'd been carrying in the back while she sits Amy in her booster. The little girl wriggles with excitement as she buckles her in, and Sarah chuckles, booping her nose before closing the door and moving around to the driver's seat. Chuck slips into the passenger side right after, and she sends him a grin, ignoring just how normal all of this feels. How utterly not strange, or new, it seems, even though this is the first time they'll have driven anywhere with Chuck.

She clears her throat.  
"Everyone good?"

"Yup!" comes Amy's excited reply, and Chuck just laughs and nods. With a deep breath, Sarah starts the car, pulls out of the parking lot.

Chuck clears his throat a minute into the drive.  
"I, uh, I kinda made a mix for today,"

She glances at him, confused.  
"What sorta mix?"

"Like a mixtape. It's a driving-to-the-zoo mix, lotta animal songs."

She chuckles, somehow completely unsurprised that he'd put this much thought into something just for today.  
"That sounds good," She looks in her rearview mirror. "Ames, you wanna listen to some music?"

Amy bounces in her seat.  
"Yes please!"

Sending Chuck a nod, he pulls out a CD from his jacket pocket, slipping the disc into the player, and Sarah waits for the first song. When 'Who Let The Dogs Out' starts blaring, she sends Chuck a look, and he just grins sheepishly.

"What? There's not that many animal related songs. I thought about 'Walk On The Wild Side' but content-wise that's a little risqué for a certain almost four-year-old's ears."

She chuckles, shakes her head. Yet again, she is certain there is no one else like him in the world.

Resigning herself to the song as she keeps driving, and then resigning herself to Amy catching on quickly and immediately singing along with the chorus, Sarah lets herself enjoy the strangest drive she's ever had.

When they pull into the zoo's lot, 'Hungry Like The Wolf', 'Tiger Feet', 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight' and various other songs having been played, along with a couple more childish ones Amy could really enjoy, Sarah thinks she's heard enough songs to last her all week. Turning off the engine, and thankfully cutting the CD, amusing though it was, she turns around, seeing a somehow even more excited Amy in the back.

"Guess what, Ames?" she asks, a lead in her voice, unable to suppress a grin at Amy's inevitable reaction.

"We're here?!"

"We're here!"

She squeals, and Sarah laughs, stepping out the car and heading round to Amy, lifting her out of her seat and tickling her before she sets her down on the ground. Her excitement still palpable, the little girl quickly starts literally running circles around Chuck as he makes his way to the trunk and gets out the stroller. After passing it to Sarah to unfold, he takes off too, chasing Amy round the car and whooping with laughter. Sarah can't help but grin at the sight, impossibly warmed by the two people she cares most about, being ridiculously silly.

"I thought we hadn't seen the monkeys yet!" she calls after an indulgent moment of just watching. The tiniest stern note is in her voice, but it's enough to make both Chuck and Amy pause, quieten. They both walk back to her looking a little chastened. Sarah hides a smirk as she clicks the stroller into place, and Chuck hands her the bag to set underneath it. "Amy-baby, I know you wanna run around, but there's gonna be a lot of other people before we get into the zoo, so into the stroller for now, okay?"

Thankfully understanding, Amy nods and hops up, Chuck leaning in to do up the buckle before he stands, and Sarah looks around for the right direction to head in before setting off, Chuck right by her side. He seems to be humming one of the songs from the car, and she tries not to chuckle.

"I didn't know you were so into music," she says, as they make their way up onto a path.

"Oh." He shrugs. "Yeah, I guess I am. I just love it, y'know? Like, how can there only be so many possibilities for a song in the world, but no two songs are the same? Excluding covers, I mean,"

She smirks, then shrugs too.  
"I suppose I never really thought about it like that." She listens to more music than she used to, definitely, but most of it is generic Amy-safe pop, or worse, children's music itself. All boppy and upbeat and singing about smiles or something. It's cute, but it's hardly anything an adult would want on their playlist.

"No? Hmm," He pauses for a second. "I could make you a mix, if you want. Just—just some of my favorite songs, maybe you could see if you like any of 'em." He sends her a somehow hopeful look, eyes a little wide, and she realizes he really would like to do this for her.

"Okay," she says, grinning. "I'd like that."

Amy shifts in the stroller suddenly, jerking forward, and Sarah sees her arm point out into the distance.  
"Look, Mommy!"

Sarah follows the path, and sees the gates to the zoo, turnstiles and posters next to one big sign for the place, with a giant cutout of a lion. Of course, instead of there being any other animal at the entrance, there's Amy's current favorite. She chuckles, lifts a hand from the stroller to lean over and ruffle Amy's hair.  
"I see it, baby. We just need to get our tickets then we can go see everything, okay?" As they get nearer and join a queue, she taps Amy's crown again, lightly. "We're gonna be speaking to one of the people, so would you be really good and be quiet until we're through the gate? Please?"

Amy's little head nods firmly, with no verbal answer, and Sarah turns to Chuck with a raised eyebrow.

"I think that's the quietest I've ever known her," Chuck murmurs out the corner of his mouth, and Sarah nods as they move up in the queue.

"Me too. We should bring her here every week,"

He snorts as they wait, eyes crinkling, and Sarah grins at him. Amy looks around, evidently wondering if she's missing out on something, but stays silent, not saying a word. Still laughing, Chuck leans around the stroller, tickling her sides. She squeals and giggles, but then stops abruptly.

"Chuck I gotta be quiet," she whispers, loudly, and Chuck grins before nodding solemnly. Before he can say anything more, though, the family ahead of them in the line move away, and Sarah pushes the stroller forward, Chuck sending a look to Amy and standing again as they make their way up to the booth.

"Hi." The guy behind the glass smiles politely, looking at the three of them through the glass. Amy stays quiet, good as gold. "One family ticket?"

Sarah blinks. Chuck nods, getting his wallet out.

"Yeah, thanks," He pays for all of them before she's even aware of it, still stuck. Family ticket. It shouldn't mean so much, or feel so odd, to hear that, and yet it does. She's never had to get one of those before, anywhere. It's always just been the two of them. The man in the booth hands over three strips of paper, and Chuck turns to Sarah, upbeat, ready to move on. He frowns, though, evidently when he sees the look on her face.

She starts pushing the stroller forward on autopilot, as Chuck shrugs.

"You can pay for lunch," he says, mistaking her reaction. Him paying isn't what she's bothered about- though it is a little frustrating since she likes to go dutch. Amy squirms in the stroller seat.

"Mommy!"

That snaps her out of it, thankfully, and Sarah stops the stroller just in front of the second, grander entrance to the zoo, stepping round in front of it and managing to grin at Amy. Undoing the straps, she lets the little girl free, and she instantly surges out her seat and runs forward, before Sarah clears her throat loudly.

"You gotta stay with us, bug," Chuck says, and Amy turns a little sheepishly. She wanders back to them, takes Chuck's hand.

"Sorry."

"It's okay. You were excited. Now c'mon, let's go!" He sends a gleeful grin to Sarah, and she rolls her eyes kindly as they make their way into the park.

Amy decides on the big cats first, naturally, so Sarah swipes a complimentary map from a stall and runs her eyes over it, finding that the cats thankfully aren't too far away. They make their way past some of the smaller enclosures as they go, passing some flamingos, which Amy immediately stands on one leg trying to mimic- Sarah gets a photo of that-, and then they get waylaid at the meerkats, since Amy decides they're a type of cat and therefore totally count as one as much as a lion or tiger do.

She laughs as Chuck lifts Amy up, high against his chest, letting her peek easier into the uncovered space the meerkats have. Inside, the little things are running around, rolling over in sand and climbing occasional rocks.

"They're so _tiny_! Mommy, a baby one!" She points out with one little arm, still held in the air by Chuck, and Sarah can't help it, she takes a picture of the brochure-worthy moment before stepping up to see the animals. They are indeed cute, burrowing around, and the smallest baby one is adorable. Amy hums, looks at Chuck. "Do… m _ee_ rkats make you sick?"

He laughs softly, probably at the way Amy has dragged out the animals' name, stretching out the vowels at the unfamiliar word.  
"I've never been near enough one to find out, Ames. But right now I'm feeling good."

She giggles.  
"I want a meerkat."

Well, that's probably illegal, Sarah muses, as Chuck sets Amy down again. Thankfully, Amy doesn't press her new wish, and they head past a few more small animals until Sarah decides to keep easing her daughter along, knowing they'll have to pass every animal again on the way back anyway. So they pass the tapirs, the little deer, and finally reach the lion enclosure. It's early, so they're not here for feeding time, but Sarah spots a blur of yellow way back in the grass, and slows as they walk up to the glass.

"Can you see them, bug?" she asks, but Amy shakes her head. Turning to Chuck, she slips her camera off her wrist. He reaches out for it wordlessly, like it just makes sense to take it, and she turns back to Amy. "Come on, I'll help you see,"

With that, she scoops her daughter up, carries her right up to the glass. The lions are, ironically considering Chuck's music earlier, sleeping. Or they're more dozing, it seems, in little groups, big paws twitching in dreams.

"I see them!" Amy says excitedly, and a few people around laugh softly at her enthusiasm. One of the lions rolls over in its sleep and Amy leans in so intently she'd be pressing against the glass if Sarah weren't holding her back a little. "Wow," she breathes, and Sarah looks at her with a giggle. But then Amy gasps louder, and she turns back, seeing one of the lions moving, shifting.

The beast rolls over, pushing itself up, and by the proud way it shakes out its mane Sarah thinks it must be the king of the pride.  
"Who's he look like, baby?" she asks, thinking of the movie Amy had insisted they watch last night, in preparation for today.

Amy blinks.  
"Simba!" She grins. "When he's big."

They watch as the animal slumbers around a little, dozily, before strutting around past the other groups, prowling powerfully. Sarah sneaks a look at Amy, and her eyes are wide, like it's the best thing she's ever seen. And when she looks past her little girl, she sees Chuck, a little ways down along the glass, taking a photograph of them side-on. Capturing Amy's wonder, probably, but also the lion on the grass, walking around. It's a scene Sarah would never be able to take herself.

He walks up to them.  
"Ames, do you want a photo with the lions?"

"Ooh, please!" She claps excitedly, and Chuck laughs, stepping back, as Sarah turns her and Amy away from the enclosure to face him. They smile, and he snaps a picture, before walking back up to them, grinning.

Sarah looks at Amy, bounces her a little.  
"D'you wanna stay here a little longer or head to the tigers?"

"Tigers! I wanna see all the cats," she says again, and Sarah chuckles, setting her down. Amy reaches for her hand, this time, and Chuck takes the stroller as they follow the signs to the tigers. They're a little way from the lions, but the three of them find the cats eventually, in a lush leafy enclosure. The wall's a little higher before the glass starts here than at the lion's space, so Chuck lifts Amy this time, holding her up to see the prowling creatures. Sarah stands next to them, watching as the tigers walk about, play a little, like giant deadly kittens. Amy once more checks on Chuck's allergies, but he assures her he's fine with a soft, warm, laugh.

They make their way through all the cats, eventually, and on their way back through the smaller mammals Amy spies a booth for ice cream, squealing and pointing at it, and Sarah indulges her.

"You have to go in the stroller to eat it, though, yeah? Remember the last time you had ice cream you dropped it because you weren't looking where you were going?"

Amy shoots a look to Chuck, like she doesn't want him to know that, but he stays impassive, smiling a little, and Amy nods after a moment.  
"Okay."

"Okay."

Since they're out of Rocky Road, Amy's favorite, Sarah goes for strawberry, and heads back to Amy with an unreasonably large cone. The little girl's eyes boggle at the sight of it, and she reaches out with both hands.

"Thank you,"

"You're welcome, baby," she says, nodding at her daughter's politeness.

Chuck looks around, taking in the signs.  
"Where else d'you wanna go? I think they're feeding the giraffes later so it could be quiet there right now, or there's the elephants. Or the monkeys." He leans down, pokes his head around the stroller at a funny angle, and Sarah giggles. "Monkeys, bug?"

Amy nods, Sarah sees, and she smirks.

"Monkeys for the monkeys, it is," she says, pushing the stroller, though slowly this time, to let Amy eat her ice cream before they get to the various monkey and chimpanzee enclosures.

Chuck snorts at her words, and she turns to him.  
"I'm not a monkey."

"You were running around with Amy earlier like you were one," Her tone is just falsely admonishing, and he must notice, since he chuckles and shakes his head.

"Okay, okay. Well if we're monkeys, what are you?" he says, tone similarly teasing.

She blinks, thinking for a moment but drawing a blank, and then just shrugs.  
"Not a monkey, obviously."

"Nah, you're... more relaxed," he says, thoughtfully. "Like a flamingo, or a swan."

At that, she pulls a face.  
"Are my only options birds?"

He looks around for apparent inspiration, but they've reached the tapirs again, and the small, portly creatures with strange noses are hardly something Sarah wants to be associated with. Chuck frowns at that, then looks back at her.  
"I got it. You're a lioness." She raises an eyebrow. "You're graceful, protective of your young, you've got a kinda... regal air."

"Regal air?"

"I don't know, you just do. Plus your hair's the right color," He brushes some of her hair from her cheek, his touch burning, and she feels her eyelids flutter at the sensation. She clears her throat, smirks at him, then reaches out and ruffles some of his curls.

"And your hair is the right color for a monkey's."

He bursts out laughing, so loudly a couple people look around their way, but their expressions quickly fade to sweet smiles, Sarah sees. Chuck keeps laughing, bends over even as he pushes the stroller, then stands upright and wipes at his eyes.  
"Two monkeys, one of them blonde, and a lion. What a combo."

She shrugs.  
"We are what we are."

When he smiles, she's sure it's warmer than he'd intended, softer.  
"That's true."

Sending him a lopsided grin of her own, she keeps walking, checking on Amy who's almost finished the ice cream already. She hates any kind of ice cream cone, but the booth hadn't had any cardboard cups to fill instead, so Sarah knows she'll be getting the wafer soon, all the strawberry ice cream probably sucked out of it by her daughter.

They round a bend in the path through the zoo, passing a field housing some rhinoceroses, and sure enough, Amy's hand sticks out the side of the stroller, cone held within her fingers.

"Done!" she happily declares, and Sarah takes it before sending her a nod. Happily hopping out of her seat, she walks to Chuck's side, reading up for a hand, and he lets go of one handle of the stroller to reach down for her.

"D'you want me to take it?" Sarah asks, but with the food in her hand she'd similarly be pushing the thing one-handed.

He shrugs.  
"Nah, it's good." She bites into the cone as he looks down at Amy. "Did you see the rhino, bug?"

Amy shakes her head.  
"No! Where is it?"

Chuck laughs softly.  
"Over this wall. But look, there's glass up here." They move forward, and sure enough, there's a transparent glass space especially for kids to look through, sandwiched between two bits of wall. The closest rhino is a fairly far away in the field, but Amy still looks awed, and Sarah grins as her little girl shuffles closer, next to two other children also spying on the animal. Since she and Chuck can both see over the wall, they stay back, a couple who must be the other kids' guardians evidently doing the same thing across from them.

While Amy looks, Sarah takes another bite of the ice cream cone, pleased to find there's still some ice cream in it, and though she thinks the appreciative sound she lets out is quiet, Chuck turns, curious.

She holds up the cone.  
"Want some?"

He chuckles, taking it from her.  
"Sure." He takes a bite, and his eyes widen. "Wow. That's good ice cream."

"Right?"

He takes another bite before handing it back to her, and as Sarah finishes it off she sees the parents across from them chuckling, evidently having watched all of that. Sarah resists the urge to blush- it was just an ice cream cone, sharing it wasn't that big a deal. She starts to think that she and Chuck have shared much more in the past since their tongues were in each other's mouths on Thanksgiving, but she stops that thought way, way before it can continue.

She clears her throat, looks at Amy again.  
"Good, Ames?" The little girl turns around and nods, and Sarah smirks. "Monkey time?"

Amy giggles and squeals at the same time, leaping back to Sarah and tugging her hand into her own, and as they start to head past the rhinoceros enclosure, Amy almost skips, dragging Sarah along.

"Bug, go a little slower, please, you'll hurt your mom's arm," Chuck says, with no prompting, and Sarah raises an eyebrow. He shrugs, looking briefly embarrassed, perhaps wondering if he shouldn't have said that, that maybe it wasn't his place. She blinks back in return. Sometimes he's just alarmingly good at all this. So observant, looking out for things. And she knows, slowly, this actually is becoming his place. She smiles just a little, just as Chuck's words work; Amy slows, still ahead and still tugging on Sarah's hand, but she now feels less like her daughter is going to tear her shoulder from its socket.

She's had that happen before, way back, on a mission. She didn't like it.

They reach the monkey section in no time going at a more normal pace, and Sarah finds all the various enclosures and sections a little daunting. There's just so many monkeys, and chimpanzees and orangutans and gorillas, it's hard to know where to start.

And so, as she often does in these situations, she just lets Amy lead her. They end up at the chimpanzee enclosure first. It's vast and wide, with platforms and ropes inside which some of the animals are swinging from, and the front is wire netting a few are clinging to, fingers gripping on.

"Can you see them, bug?" she asks, and when Amy looks back from where she'd been craning her neck backwards, Sarah takes the answer to be a firm, not really. Once more lifting her up, she settles Amy on her hip, and the little girl gapes as she sees the closer chimpanzees, the ones clinging to the net. One leaps across a little, almost right in front of Amy, and the three-year-old gasps.

"Sarah, camera," Chuck murmurs, and she reaches around Amy to let him slip the string off her wrist and grab the camera. He hurriedly steps back a little, as Amy and the chimpanzee just look at each other, and Sarah hears the shutter click just before the animal looks away.

"Did you get it?"

He grins.  
"It's me, of course I got it. C'mon, I'll get another good one," He steps back, and Sarah once more turns with Amy, facing the camera and grinning. Just as Chuck lowers the device, though, a woman from a nearby group with kids about Amy's age comes over.

"Do you want me to take one of all of you?" she asks, smiling warmly.

Chuck blinks by Sarah's side.  
"Oh." he says, turning to her, but she's already nodding.

"Yeah, that would be nice, thank you," she says, if only to stop the woman from persisting. She's often found that's the way to deal with these situations; just let it happen, then it's over with.

Chuck slips in next to her side, and though Amy's getting a little heavy in Sarah's arms she keeps her there, just shifting her to the other side so she's framed in the middle of herself and Chuck. As the woman raises the camera, Chuck's hand ghosts over Sarah's back, and she smiles. The camera clicks.

"Thank you," Chuck says, stepping forward and reaching for the device, as Sarah sets Amy down.

"No problem," the woman says lightly. "You have a beautiful family. Have a nice day!"

With that, she heads away with her kids. And Sarah, and Chuck, just stay rooted right where they are. He turns on the spot, looks at her. Because he might not have noticed the family ticket thing earlier, or if he had, it hadn't felt as significant to him, but this is harder to miss, and he's definitely noticed it. His eyes lock on hers, wide and aching, always aching.

She takes a deep breath. That woman had thought they were a family. Thought they were Chuck's family. And though Sarah had spied the resemblance all those months ago, though she'd guessed people would probably think that of them, someone actually saying it, is new. And saying it to both of them, as well, when they're both here, together. On a family ticket. They can't ignore that.

And yet Sarah can't deny, part of the family is exactly what Chuck feels like. Being here today, being with them so often. Sharing ice cream, holding Amy's hand, looking out for her. Them both taking pictures of the other with the little girl.  
She bites her lip, so wanting to tell him all this, tell him it's okay. But here, in the zoo, late-morning, is neither the time nor the place. She doesn't know when or where those are, and she wishes she did, but she knows they're not here, now.

Before she can say a word, thankfully, Amy interjects.  
"More monkeys!"

And, tugging on Chuck's hand, she drags him over to another enclosure across the way. Sarah follows, a few steps behind, watching the two heads of curls as they go.

* * *

After the monkeys are done with, and a few more small animals too, Amy starts to get hungry, and they find one of the handful of lunch places scattered around the park. Getting Amy a kid's lunch pack in a colorful animal-printed little box, Sarah gets herself a sandwich and an apple, and, since Chuck is over at a table with Amy, picks him up a sandwich too. She knows from the past times they've eaten together that he eats pastrami, so it seems the safest bet.

She'd ask him, but, well.

It's too easy, with Amy around, to just not talk. To use her energy, her interjections and chatter, as an excuse to ignore whatever's going on between them. They've done it before, and today is no exception.  
Not that Sarah particularly knows what she'd say. Because just the other week, after he'd read to Amy and they'd sat on the couch drinking wine, she'd basically implied exactly what that woman today did. That Chuck is family, because she'd said he was here and Amy's father isn't, she'd equated the two. That was Sarah, though, saying it after he'd been saying she was incredible, after the look in his eyes breaking down everything. That's not the same as a complete stranger looking at them, and thinking they're together, that they fit.

Which is exactly what they do.

She holds back a sigh as she pushes the tray of food along to the drinks sections, grabbing a water for herself and one for Chuck too. Amy gets an orange juice in her little lunch box, so she's good. Pushing away her thoughts, she moves up to the register, paying quickly and then maneuvering her way across the cafeteria-style seating area to a corner Chuck had picked since it had space for the stroller.

It was good thinking, impressive, even, for someone who hasn't been dealing with strollers for almost four years now. She's not even surprised when he manages these parent-like things, anymore.

She sets the tray on the table, plucking Amy's box off it and setting it in front of her. The little girl giggles excitedly, and Sarah smiles as she sets down the rest of the food, placing the empty tray on a nearby vacant table.

"Pastrami okay?" she asks Chuck, not quite looking at him, and he hums.

"Yeah, it's great,"

She takes a deep breath, calming, opening her own tuna sub before helping Amy wrangle her box open, pulling out the little ham sandwich, the fruit bag, the juice box, and a little animal-shaped sugar cookie. Amy seems to have gotten a zebra, that, or a horse. Unwrapping the sandwich, she hands it to Amy, before sitting back and eating her own lunch.

"So..." Chuck says after a while of chewing in silence, then clears his throat. "Where to next? The giraffes are still being fed, I think, and they're not too far away. Wanna go there, bug?"

Amy nods enthusiastically, though she just keeps eating. Evidently, the ice cream didn't do much to fill her up, Sarah thinks. She takes a few more bites of her own sandwich, then pulls out the map, seeing what else they can visit.

"Oh, they've got some fish and a hippopotamus, we can go there after. I think we're almost done with all the land animals," She chuckles, but Amy shakes her head, gulping down her bite.

"Elephants!" she says, and Sarah smirks.

"We'll go see them too, baby, don't worry." She checks her watch, but they've still got plenty of time. It's only just past noon, they don't have to rush.

By the time Amy is munching on her cookie, Chuck and Sarah have finished their meals, and they're sharing the apple Sarah had cut into pieces with a knife- one she got from the cutlery section, rather than from her person. Sometimes she almost misses the trusty sheath of knives she'd attached to her thigh every single day for years, but any kind of weapon is a big no-no when you have a curious three-year-old, let alone when, well, you're not a spy anymore. And in moments like this, here on a trip to the zoo with her daughter, Sarah feels the most unlike a spy.

"Can I see the pictures?" Amy asks, slurping a gulp of orange juice.

Chuck raises an eyebrow, since the camera is next to him on the table. He shares a look with Sarah, but she just shrugs, and he slips across to the seat next to Amy, turning on the camera, showing her the little photos on the screen and explaining where each one is. She giggles at the ones with the lions and the chimpanzees, especially.

"And that's you, bug," Chuck says, and Sarah smiles, knowing what the last photo they took was: Amy outside the orangutan enclosure, doing a perfect impression, hands scratching under her arms. The animals hadn't looked too impressed, needless to say.

Amy grins, then looks curious.  
"Can I take a picture?"

They both pause, Chuck looking at Sarah. The camera's light, and if Amy were to drop it on the table it should survive, plus there's the string handle to loop around her wrist.  
"Sure, baby," she says, and Chuck moves in, sets it up.

"What do you wanna take a picture of?" he asks, and she grins.

"You and Mommy!" She giggles excitedly, and Sarah tries not to wince. Her daughter's timing is truly impeccable.

Chuck looks to her, helpless.  
"Uh." She shrugs, and he pulls a face, expression probably similar to her own. They can hardly say no. "Okay." Reminding Amy to press the button when they're ready, and testing it once on a shot of the table, he moves back to his original seat, next to Sarah. He leans in, and she can feel his warmth by her side, smell his scent, somehow. His arm slips around her waist, perfectly decent, just getting into shot, but she leans into him unconsciously anyway. Into his touch.

Sarah grins at the camera, Chuck presumably too, and Amy pokes her tongue between her teeth, focusing intently. Sarah hears the camera click, but Amy evidently doesn't, doesn't see the screen change. She frowns adorably, squinting at the device in her hands.

"It didn't- oh!" She must've tried again, noticed it this time, and Sarah chuckles lightly at Amy's excitement, the way her little girl giggles at having taken a photograph. She's just so cute, finding something so mundane this exciting, and her joy at these things always makes Sarah smile. Amy soon gets far too snap-happy, though, and Chuck laughs by Sarah's side as Amy makes a gleeful noise after every photograph is taken. When she takes a fifth, Sarah turns to Chuck, and the moment their eyes meet they burst out in laughter again, as Amy squeals once more.

"Alright, bug, I think, you got plenty," Chuck says, leaning away and reaching over the table to kindly pluck the camera from Amy's tiny fingers. She looks a little annoyed, but as ever, Chuck's good with her, and he changes the subject. "Are you done with your lunch? D'you wanna go see the giraffes?"

"Yeah!" She cheers, and Sarah laughs as they start to gather their things and head back outside.

The giraffe enclosure isn't too far away, so they make their way toward the large gated field. Sure enough, some of the creatures are standing by big trees, munching on leaves that funny way they do. There are a few keepers inside, walking around with buckets of food, one of them climbing a post to leave some treats atop it, and due to the excitement there's a bit of a crowd around the space, many families, groups, all watching.

Amy turns around, looking up.  
"I can't see,"

Sarah frowns, knowing she might not be much help to her daughter if even she's aware of the crowd, if even she's straining to see. When she turns to Chuck, he passes the camera back, and crouches down to Amy's level.

"Do you want me to lift you up real high?"

Amy nods, looking around at all the legs she's seeing.  
"Yes, please," She leans forward, latching onto Chuck, but he chuckles softly, steps her back again.

"Not like that, Ames, I can make you even higher," When he turns Amy to face away from him, Sarah sees what he's doing, and steps back as she smiles. Lifting Amy up under her arms, he stands and shifts her up until she's right over his head, then gently lowers her so she's sitting on his shoulders, grasping her hands to keep her balanced. "How's that?" he calls, and Sarah just hears a gleeful giggle from Amy's place up high. The little girl frees a hand to poke at Chuck's head, probably having never seen the top of it like this before, and laughs when he huffs a little and reaches for her again.

Sarah smiles up.  
"Hey, bug," she says, and Amy looks down, grinning.

"Mommy, I'm big like a giraffe!"

As she speaks, a group in front of them move out of the way, and Chuck steps forward. Amy looks out, properly seeing the animals themselves for the first time, then goes wide-eyed, watching them.

Chuck waves her hands in his.  
"You're a giraffe-bug," he quips, and Amy giggles.

Grinning, Sarah looks at them, Amy so tall, Chuck keeping her safe, letting her let go to wave at the giraffes before reaching for her again, since they've never done this before and Amy doesn't have the best balance even on the ground, sometimes. And, since the space they were just standing in hasn't filled up yet, Sarah slips back, switching the camera on. She gets the shot, Amy and Chuck just all fitting in the frame, their backs to the camera, Amy's curls shining in the sun. The giraffes are behind them, looking almost small in the distance.

She steps back up to them, leaning into Chuck's side as the animals eat, the keepers explaining their routine, what the treats they're leaving are. And, when the show is over, more or less, they head away, round to the other creatures out in the surrounding fields, Amy still on Chuck's shoulders. She eventually balances well enough for Chuck to let her let go on the condition she keeps one hand in his hair at all times, while he holds onto her legs. Yet again, as other families pass, the adults smile, and one boy even begs his father to lift him up like Amy's being held. Sarah sends the man a sorry smile, but he just grins as they pass.

With Chuck having to put Amy down eventually, they keep walking, passing the gazelles, and strangely enough some pigs, before reaching the elephants. There's only three of them out, but one of them is a cute little baby one, running around excitedly, splashing in the bed of water provided for the animals. Amy gasps, jumping up and down to look over the fence, and Sarah scoops her up this time, letting her watch as the animals play.

"Isn't the baby one cute, Ames?"

"It's so small," she says, tilting her head. "And the Mommy and Daddy are _ginormous_!" Giggling, she happily watches them, and Sarah looks across to Chuck, who smiles at her, warmly. Amy has a knack for making everything better, Sarah thinks, as well as for perhaps unfortunately letting them not address their problems. He steps closer, stroller behind them, and lays a hand on Amy's back, right over Sarah's there.

He chuckles.  
"It's playing in the water, bug, look," Pointing it out, Amy looks that way, the three of them all close together, and Sarah feels the camera still around her wrist feel a little heavier all of a sudden. When the idea comes, she doesn't suppress it, just clicks on the device, turns it around.

"Smile, guys," she says, and Amy and Chuck both look back, seeing the camera. Sarah nuzzles Amy's cheek a little as she presses closer, and Chuck moves in too, his hand shifting to once more be on Sarah's back. How his touch is always so warm she just cannot fathom. As they beam at the lens, Amy saying 'Cheese!' rather loudly, Sarah snaps a picture, the three of them, and when she pulls the camera back and checks the display to see if they're all in the shot, she's harked right back to another photograph. An older one, just her and baby Amy, in the park that day, so long ago. She's had that picture on her desks for years, she sees it so often, and this one looks so similar. Except Amy's grown, Sarah too (she looks less tired now, she thinks), and, most importantly, Chuck is on the other side.

She'd known this day would make her think about the three of them, but she hadn't thought just how much. Breathing deeply and pulling back, Chuck's hand falling from her, she clears her throat, turns off the camera again.

Chuck raises an eyebrow.  
"Is it good?" he asks, looking at the camera, and she nods.

"Perfect." Her tone is light and easy, but she knows her word is true, completely and utterly. She can't dwell on it, though, not here, and so she moves on, steps back, setting Amy down. "If we're done with the elephants, should we go see the fish now? And the hippo?"

Amy squeals happily, and Sarah snorts, reaching for her hand as Chuck gets the stroller again and they follow the signs for the underwater section. Chuck's fingers curl round hers, though, when they're a few steps in, and Sarah can't find it in her to let go.  
Because it just feels perfect.

* * *

She's not surprised when Amy climbs into the stroller of her own volition late in the afternoon. They've seen the majority of all the animals, except the bugs, somewhat ironically. But Sarah doesn't mind missing those, and the zoo will be closing in an hour, so she has no problem with Amy curling up in the seat as they rest on a picnic table.

"You sleepy, bug?" Chuck asks, and Amy nods. He smiles, reaches into the stroller and smooths down her hair. "I'm a little sleepy, too, we've done a lot today."

Sarah leans down, looking into the stroller.  
"You can sleep, baby, it's okay." The way Amy is already half out, Sarah doubts she had any other plans. But it's the reason she brought the stroller in the first place, so she just smiles again and sits back, cracking her neck and eyeing Chuck. "Is there anything else you wanted to see or should we just head back?"

He shrugs.  
"I think I'm good, I'm basically animal'd-out right now,"

She snorts, standing and taking her empty water bottle to the trash, before heading back to him. A quick check in the stroller tells her Amy is either asleep or almost there, so she buckles her in to keep her secure and then turns to Chuck.  
"If we head to the exit we could still go to the gift shop. I might get a magnet for the fridge,"

He chuckles, standing and reaching for the stroller, pushing it as they start to walk. With Amy quiet, Sarah finds it hard to know quite what to say, really. Does she bring up that woman from earlier? Does she thank Chuck again for coming? Does she treat him like Amy and ask what his favorite animal was? They seem to settle on nothing at all, both of them, just walking in not-quite-comfortable silence.

They reach the store, Chuck heading one way with Amy, Sarah another, and she takes a look at them before clearing her throat, maneuvering her way around the little shop. There are dozens of magnets, it turns out, so she just gets one of the zoo's name with a plethora of animals on it, and looks around for Chuck. She finds him at the register, chatting happily with the cashier as the girl scans some items. Since there's nobody else behind him, she walks up, lays a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey,"

He turns, smiles.  
"Hey. D'you find one?"

She waves the little magnet and nods.  
"Yeah. I didn't know you were gonna buy anything, though."

"Neither did I," He chuckles, but the cashier clears her throat, and Chuck turns back with a sheepish grin, fishing out his wallet and handing over some cash. The girl sends Sarah a look as she works out the change, somewhat awkward and somewhat annoyed, and Sarah tries not to eye her back in curiosity. She thinks the cashier is jealous, presumably of her and Chuck, and Sarah truly doesn't know what to make of that.

With his items bought, Chuck turns to Sarah with a grin, holds one of them up. It's a little stuffed lion.  
"I got it for Ames," he says, grinning with glee, and Sarah sends him a forced flat look, even as she's a little heartwarmed. He must see her amusement, though, since he just keeps grinning.

"You know she has plenty of stuffed animals."

"Yeah." He bounces his eyebrows. "Doesn't mean she won't want a lion,"

Thwacking his arm lightly, she turns to the cashier again, handing over the magnet, and yeah, this time Sarah knows the girl is a little jealous, and perhaps a little embarrassed if the flush to her cheeks is any indication. Evidently, the girl has realized that Chuck and Sarah are… something. And they're talking about Amy in a practiced, knowing way, so the girl is probably drawing conclusions about her, too. Sarah's surprised to realize she feels partly amused, and partly defensive. Which is especially weird—Chuck isn't hers. If someone else is interested in him, it isn't really her place to feel anything at all.

The cashier clears her throat, saying the cost, and as Sarah reaches for some cash she eyes the girl again. She looks young, younger than Sarah and Chuck, at least, so she'll get over it, probably. Even if Chuck is a tough one to let go of.

Once she's bought the magnet, she turns around, finding the little lion by Amy's side in the stroller, tucked under her arm. Chuck sends her an innocent look.

"What?" he asks, and she just chuckles, saying it's nothing before they keep moving on. As they walk through the parking lot, she slips her hand around his arm, holding on at the crook of his elbow so he won't have to let go of the stroller. It feels nice, better. Chuck hums. "Did you have a favorite animal?"

Sarah snorts, and he sends her a look.  
"Sorry, I was just thinking, I wasn't sure if that sounded too much like something I'd ask Amy to ask you it. But I did, yes, the elephants were especially cute."

"They're like, super clever, too, it's crazy." he says, and she smirks.

"What about you?"

"Wish I could say the cats, but, allergies." She giggles at that, at his keeping up the worry Amy had had all day. "The giraffes were pretty cool, though, and the zebras, though Amy was pulling on my hair for most of them,"

She chuckles again, knowing Amy had taken her instructions on Chuck's shoulders pretty seriously. As she fishes in her purse for her keys, they slow by the car, and she turns to Chuck.  
"Would you mind getting Amy inside? I'll deal with the stroller." She pops the trunk, putting her purse in the back.

"Sure," he says, gently lifting Amy up and out of the seat, getting her little lion too, and the little girl falls heavy against him as he holds her, her head against his neck. He moves around to the side, opening the door and putting Amy into her car seat as Sarah takes the bag from the bottom of the stroller and sets that in the trunk. While she folds down the chair, she hears Chuck murmuring softly, soothingly, to Amy as he evidently gets her settled, and she holds back a smile.  
It still hits her, sometimes, how good he is with her. And god, she loves it.

Closing the trunk gently, she moves round to the driver's side, slipping behind the wheel and starting the car just as Chuck finishes up, and then moves into the passenger seat. Sarah switches to the radio before the CD can blast zoo road trip music as loudly as they'd been playing it on the way here, figuring Amy wouldn't appreciate the rude awakening, and with the radio playing quietly, she pulls out of the parking lot. Amy shifts just a little as the car begins to move, but she doesn't stir yet.

"Well," Sarah says, a couple minutes into the drive, once they're on the freeway. "That was a good day."

Chuck grins.  
"It was." And he reaches over, hovering tentatively over her hand just a moment in a second of indecision, before he slips his own hand into hers again, squeezing tight where their fingers rest upon the gears.

They stay quiet the journey back, and when they pull into the parking lot Chuck automatically goes to get Amy, still asleep, while Sarah gets their things. She walks around, stroller and bags in hand, seeing Chuck standing by the open rear door and Amy still in her seat, rubbing at her eyes. Chuck must've woken her, which is good or she won't sleep tonight, but she still looks groggy.

"Hey, bug," she smiles, and Amy yawns, looking at them both.

"Are we home?"

Chuck laughs softly.  
"Yeah, we are. C'mon, I'll carry you upstairs." He scoops her up, and she once more leans heavily on him, though she doesn't drift to sleep again. Sarah locks the car and carries her stuff, Chuck holding open the parking lot door even while he holds Amy. Usually, after these outings, Amy has to trudge up by herself, Sarah in tow with all the belongings. She doesn't get the luxury of someone carrying her, really, apart from right now. Yet again Sarah's struck by how helpful an extra pair of hands can be. Especially when they're Chuck's.

They make their way up to their floor, passing the landlord in the lobby, who sends them knowing smiles, and getting into the elevator, Amy waking a little with the journey. She shifts her head on Chuck's shoulder, facing Sarah's way and grinning.

"I liked the zoo," she says, and Sarah grins.

"I liked it too, baby," she murmurs, and she'd reach out and stroke Amy's cheek if her hands weren't full.

The elevator slows, and they walk out into the hall and down to their place, quite the opposite of Amy's excited run up it this morning, Sarah thinks. She rests the stroller and bags against the wall as she unlocks the door, and Chuck sets Amy down, handing her her little lion.

"What is it?" she says, frowning at the sort of squished toy, and Sarah laughs, fluffing up the thing, brushing the faux-fur from its eyes and then holding it up.

"It's a lion, baby, Chuck got it for you!"

Amy gasps, grabbing the toy and staring at it before cuddling it close. She turns to Chuck, unprompted.  
"Thank you, Chuck!"

He crouches down, tucks a curl behind her ear.  
"You're welcome bug. I'm glad you had a nice day." He looks up to Sarah, then back down again. "I'm gonna go back to my apartment, let you and your Mom have dinner, but I'll see you for a movie next week, yeah?"

"Okay!" she says cheerfully, and when he reaches his arms out for a hug she barrels into him, lion still clutched in her hand. When she pulls back, she smacks a kiss on his cheek, turning and looking up at Sarah.

"You can go inside, Ames, I'm just gonna say goodbye to Chuck,"

"Can I watch cartoons?"

"Sure," she chuckles, and Amy toddles off happily. Sarah turns back, folding her arms loosely over her chest and looking at their neighbor, furrowing her brow a little. "You could've stayed for dinner, y'know,"

"I know. I just, I thought I'd let you two spend some time together. Today was... long." He shrugs, and she laughs softly, but his expression stays a little serious, frame a little tense. "And... also a lot, I think, for both of us."

She blinks, inhaling sharply, cottoning onto his meaning, and worries her lip between her teeth a moment. She knew today was different for her, but she hadn't known, yet, if it felt that way for him, too. Evidently, it did. And though it would've been nice for him to stay tonight, and maybe she could've talked more, opened up a little as she feels she always seems to whenever Chuck is around now, and maybe, just maybe, spilled everything to him, if Chuck wants to go, she'll never force him to stay.

Nodding, she tilts her head, eyes him.

"I've never had to buy a family ticket before," He nods too, looking away. "And the photos... I'll print off two of each so you can have them,"

"Oh, you don't-"

"No, you were there too. You deserve to have them," she insists, and he looks back up, eyes meeting hers, his gaze a little glinting which seems to sock her in the gut a little.

He takes a deep breath, stepping forward, and for a moment she doesn't know what's about to happen, but he just slowly raises his hand and cups her cheek, and the warmth of his skin yet again sends her eyelids fluttering shut. His fingers tense, about to pull away, and she wonders once more if he knows just how she feels about him. Like she'd thought at the beginning of today, she hopes he knows she wants to be with him, but if he does still think she's not ready right now, Sarah knows, she has to be the one showing him. She has to be the one taking the steps forward, at least just a little, rather than staying in limbo and waiting for him to read her mind forever. And so, before he can pull away, she lifts her hand to cover his, holding his touch to her. She opens her eyes, seeing him just watching her, expression always so damn emotive, full of life and affection.

And she's just so sorry she can't return it in anything more than brief touches and looks. That she can't tell him, and that because of that, he doesn't tell her. All she can do is try to keep showing him. Try to keep her distance, but still let him know that she cares.

She just turns her head briefly, moving his hand until her lips brush his palm, and kisses it, letting go.

"Goodnight, Chuck," she says, picking up her things and heading into the apartment. As she passes him, she wishes, for a moment, that he'd reach for her, just hold her and bring him into her and kiss her like he did at Thanksgiving so long ago now.

But he doesn't. He just clears his throat, steps back.  
"G'night,"

And with that, he turns around, and she closes the door. When she hears the sound of his door shutting across the way, she lets out a deep breath, and turns to Amy, happily sitting on the couch with her lion in her lap.

Amy's a good excuse, sometimes, a reason to not address their problems, their feelings. And Sarah takes the excuse now, sitting by her daughter's side and tickling her. Even if Sarah's lips still burn a little, even if she can still almost feel Chuck's soft touch holding her cheek, even when he's gone.

* * *

 **a/n 2:** And, scene. This was such a long one because there was just so much I wanted them to do and wanted to happen. Forever getting closer, Amy being adorable, someone actually saying they're a family, and of course, sweet Amy on Chuck's shoulders. Gotta put that in. And, for funsies, one of my favourite baby pictures is one my Mum got of me and my Dad and my sister, at the zoo. I'm like 9 months and Dad's holding me up to the glass, and I'm staring at a penguin like it's the most amazing thing. It, is looking at me entirely unamused. Anyway, I'll see you guys in a couple days, still on vacation, for Chapter 14, 'The Illness', and if you liked this one and fancy giving me some holiday reading, feel free to review!

-Kiera :)


	14. The Illness

**summary:** Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they find a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

 **a/n:** Still on vacation, still going with this one. I know this story's a slow journey, but I've tried to make each chapter contain at least one bigger moment, something that shifts this dynamic and keeps it all moving along. This chapter, contains some more of those moments, some more shifts. A little note—Sarah does some thinking on her past for a sec in this chapter, and some of you may be a little surprised where I've set her, timeline-wise. I haven't really specified when this story is set because it's not too important to the wider plot here, but I see it as a couple years before canon, maybe two, and Sarah's already been out of the CIA for over four years before this, so we're talking six years pre-canon Sarah. We know she was a spy for a while, but the facts they gave us in the show meant I thought there were a few things she wouldn't have done while an agent, yet, before leaving. I've had that in mind this whole story along, though, this is just the first time it's really popped up. If you wanna read more spy-like-Sarah, as I've said from the start of this story, this isn't really the place, right now. My last fics have plenty of that, and there's a billion other spy stories on this site you can read. A reminder, this is all just silly fun, it ain't that deep. Anyway, if you like this chapter, feel free to leave a review on your way out! I'm gonna go have a mojito now.

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Chuck, illnesses, stewed coffee, or dreams. No Amy Walkers were harmed in the making of this chapter.

* * *

 **The Illness**

She sighs, biting back the tears prickling the back of her eyes. They're irrational, she knows, caused by stress and a very bad night's sleep, and she won't let them fall. But they're there, persistent, stinging and blurring her gaze. She takes a deep breath, controls herself, tries again.

"Amy, come on, you have to take it," she says, holding out the little cup with medicine in it. Her daughter has, in the last few hours, decided to develop a phobia of the traditional medicine syringe, so Sarah has had to try this method instead—something, anything, to get her daughter to take this. Because she's at the end of her rope, right now, and if Amy doesn't take this medicine she doesn't know what else she can do.

Amy, though, still cries, turns away.  
"I can't!" she wails, curling in on herself and shying away from the medicine, and Sarah tries not to wince. Her little girl's fear evidently stretches to the medication itself too; they'd tried it early this morning and Amy's body had promptly disagreed with it, causing her to rush to the plastic bowl by the side of her bed, and evidently she's scared the same thing will happen again now.

Her stomach has been okay the past few hours, though, aside from just hurting a little, and Sarah sighs, keeping the cup outstretched in her hand.  
"It'll make you feel better, come on,"

"No!" she says, her voice a near-shout, and Sarah recoils despite herself. Her little girl is many things, but loud and angry is rarely one of those. Running a hand through her hair in despair, she reminds herself: Amy is sick. This isn't her fault.

Leaning in again, she lays a hand on Amy's shoulder.  
"I don't want you to be sick anymore, baby, please let me help,"

"I don't wanna!" She jerks away, burying her head into the pillow and sobbing into it. But, having witnessed this not so long ago, Sarah can almost count down the five seconds before the air gets too stuffy, and Amy rolls over, sneezes again. She wails once more, clutching her stomach, and Sarah sighs, setting the medicine down and leaning over to stroke Amy's hair. The little girl pauses, then sneezes again, and starts to sob. "Mommy, go away!"

"I'm not going anywhere, Amy, you know that." Amy huffs tearfully, rolling over and facing away, ill and indignant. Sarah bites her lip. "If you don't want me then what do you want, to make you feel better?"

"I want Chuck," she cries, and Sarah can't help but gasp. The first thing she feels is just a strange mix of emotions, part jealousy, part love. That Chuck comforts Amy so much she wants him here with her right now is somehow wonderful and warm, but she also wants him more than she wants her own mother, and Sarah can't deny that stings a little. She knows it's just Amy's sick stubbornness, her usual thick skin exacerbated even more, but it still hurts, to be pushed away like this. At least, she supposes, there's someone else to be here when she is pushed away, now.

She sniffs, reaches for the cup again.  
"If you take your medicine, I'll call Chuck, okay?" she asks, half a bargain, but one she knows she has to make. Amy needs to take this to feel better, after all. But talking to Chuck might have the same effect- that is, if he even picks up. Sarah knows he's at work today, she'd heard him in the hall early this morning, talking to Mrs O'Leary, their voices drifting. Sarah had been making a coffee in the brief half hour Amy had slept, before she'd woken up again, crying out once more and sneezing profusely.

Now, Amy rolls over again, tears streaking her cheeks.  
"Yeah?" Her voice is quiet, but there's tentative hope within it. Sarah just prays it's hope she doesn't have to ruin.

"Yeah, baby," she murmurs, reaching out with the cup. Amy takes it with a trembly hand, drinking the medicine quickly and pulling a face at its taste, then lies back down, and Sarah checks her forehead to see if the fever's gotten any better. She feels a little cooler, but that might be the shift they'd made a half hour ago in making Amy lie on top of the sheets rather than below them. Though the three-year-old doesn't recoil back again, Sarah's very aware that she doesn't lean into her touch either, and she takes the hint, standing, taking the empty medicine cup with her.

She picks up her phone from the kitchen counter, listening out to see if Amy keeps the Tylenol down this time. She hasn't heard much more than sniffles by the time the phone starts ringing.

"Chuck?" she asks, the moment he picks up. She can hear the hum of people on the other end, beeps and ringing phones and tinny music, before it fades.

"Sarah?" He sounds confused. "I-I'm at work, everything okay?"

She sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose.  
"I know, I'm sorry. Amy's sick."

"Oh, god, is she okay?" he asks, immediately, tone worried.

"She's fine, honestly, but we were both up half the night, first with a stomach bug and now a cold. And she's tired and still sick and she doesn't want my help. She's..." She pauses, not sure how to say it, then bites the proverbial bullet. Her own insecurities, she can hesitate on, not be completely honest with Chuck about. But her daughter's health and happiness are another matter. "She's just asking for you."

He inhales sharply, audible even across the line.  
"Oh. I-"

"Chuck!" someone says, on his end, voice faint to Sarah's ears, and Chuck clears his throat.

"Not now, kinda busy." he mutters, tone annoyed.

"Is that a customer?" asks the same person, and Sarah winces. She knows she shouldn't be calling, she knows Chuck shouldn't be talking to her while at work if he's not on break, but what other choice did she have, with Amy so upset, just wanting Chuck here? She idly hopes whoever's talking to him isn't his boss—if he gets into trouble over this, she'll feel doubly bad about disturbing him.

Chuck just sighs disdainfully, though, clears his throat.  
"No, now go. I thought you had an install anyway,"

"Well, Charles..." The rest fades into the distance and Sarah hears shuffling, like Chuck is walking somewhere.

"Sorry," he says, breath rushed, evidently having fled from whoever was speaking to him, probably another Nerd Herder. Despite herself, she smirks at the image of Chuck running away. "I'm good, now. What can I do?"

"I..." She shakes her head, unsure of where to go from here. She's not even sure what she expected him to do, anyway, she'd just been desperate enough to call him. She heads into Amy's room, seeing the little girl still awake in bed. "Hold on, I'm getting her. Baby, Chuck's on the phone,"

Amy looks over, cheeks flushed and clammy, Dog clutched in her hand. She smiles just a little, slight hope in her expression once more.  
"Is he coming?"

"Ames, he's at work." she starts, trying to keep her voice soothing, knowing exactly how her little girl is going to react.

Sure enough, Amy's face crumples, and Sarah's heart breaks for the hundredth time today. After a beat, Amy starts to cry again, tears brimming in her eyes, and Sarah grimaces, rushing in.  
"I want Chuck!" the little girl wails, and Sarah holds her, stroking her hair. The cries don't stop, though, and after a few moments of tolerating her mother, Amy pulls away again, hiccupping sobs.

Returning the phone to her ear, Sarah sighs.  
"I'm sorry Chuck, she won't-"

"I'm on my way," he says, matter-of-factly, voice tight, and she blinks.

"What?"

"I'll be there as soon as I can, just tell Amy," With that, he hangs up, and Sarah stares at the phone for a few seconds before looking back down at her daughter.

She clears her throat.  
"He's coming here, bug,"

Amy sniffs, cuddles Dog closer and nuzzles into her pillow, and with a sigh and another stroke of her daughter's hair just to do something useful, Sarah stands again. She keeps telling herself, Amy doesn't really mean this, pushing her away. She doesn't mean it badly, doesn't realize that it could hurt Sarah. Doesn't realize that only wanting Chuck could make her mother feel bad. But it still stupidly does, to not be wanted, to be shunned, that stings, and so she heads back out into the kitchen, making another coffee just to keep her hands and mind occupied.

When she's midway through the mug of the fairly bitter drink, a frantic knock sounds from the hall, and Sarah rushes over, checking it's Chuck before opening the door. And there he stands, their hopeful-knight-in-not-so-shining-armor, dressed in his Nerd Herd uniform, messenger bag slung over his shoulder. His pocket protector is even still hanging on his chest.

He sends her a brief, anxious, smile.  
"Hey,"

She smiles at him similarly, steps back, lets him in.  
"Hey. She's, uh, she's in her room."

Nodding, he slips his bag off, setting it on the couch before heading right through to Amy. Sarah folds her arms over her chest, pretends she's not just hugging herself, and takes a deep breath, trying to process that Chuck's even here. That he'd come here, from work, for Amy. At the drop of a hat.  
Biting her lip again, she turns, walking down to her daughter's room and staying outside, looking in.

Chuck's sitting on the bed already, smoothing down Amy's hair. Unlike with Sarah, the little girl is letting him comfort her, leaning into his touch rather than pushing him away.  
"You feeling any better, bug?" he asks, and Amy shakes her head.

"Not much." she murmurs.

"Even though I'm here?"

She smiles, briefly, bigger than Sarah's seen her smile all day.  
"Little." She lifts up her fingers, holds them together a minuscule width apart.

Chuck laughs softly, plucking her hand from the air and holding it.  
"Well, I'm glad," he says, but there's a lead in his voice, and Sarah knows he's not finished. "But, Ames, your mom was here, looking after you."

"I know." Amy mumbles quietly, looking away and tugging on Dog's leg. She looks a little apologetic, Sarah thinks, like she's probably aware of why Chuck might be saying that.

He sighs, then sits up a little, leaning in.  
"Let me tell you something, bug. Your Mom is amazing. In fact, she's one of the best people I've ever met. And she loves you very much, you know that." Amy nods, looking a little chastened, and Sarah feels her chest constrict a little at Chuck's words, the care in them. Nodding too, he keeps going. "And when you're sick, she just worries about you, she just wants you to feel better. I came here because you wanted me to, and because you're not feeling well, but Ames, your mom and you are good, okay? You're great, the two of you, that's why I like you so much. And you need your mom, okay?" He boops her nose as his rather heartfelt words end, and Sarah swallows, tries to breathe. Tries to get a grip on this situation that she knows is spiralling somewhat out of control.

Because maybe Chuck's right. Maybe she and Amy are great, the two of them. Maybe they're good. Maybe Amy needs her most. But they're great with Chuck, too. Amy needs Chuck, too. Not just on days like this, when she's sick and cranky and he worries enough about her to rush right over here. Sarah knows, Amy needs him, she needs him, so much.

Before him, the little girl nods again, slowly.  
"I know."

"Okay." Even from this angle, Sarah can see Chuck's grin, wide and warm, nose crinkling. "D'you want me to stay, or can I go talk to your mom for a bit?"

Amy shrugs.  
"S'okay."

"Alright. Maybe try and sleep a little, yeah?"

With a murmur of assent from Amy, Chuck stands, and Sarah instantly steps back. She heads into the kitchen, trying to get there before either Chuck or Amy spot her, but Chuck is hot on her heels, evidently having seen her, or realized where she's just come from, that she was watching.

"Sarah-" he says, anguish in his voice, and she spins around, eyes stinging a little.

She sees him still walking toward her, looking a little pained and very determined, and she just can't help it. She heads toward him too, meeting him halfway and wrapping her arms around him and hugging him tight, pressing her face into his neck and biting back more tears. He holds her back, arms around her waist, and he's so warm and reassuring and she feels so damn safe she just falls into him, squeezing her eyes shut.

"She didn't want me," she murmurs. "That's never happened before, I-"

"I'm sorry," Chuck says, a hand coming to hold her head, and she sighs against him. He's taking the blame when the only person to blame, if blame needs to be assigned at all, is her. Her for keeping Chuck around, her for not even really minding Amy's choosing him. For so long now, she's just wanted someone else to be there for Amy. And now, that's what she has, who she has. Chuck. This isn't a bad thing.

She pulls back, frowns as she looks at him.  
"If you hadn't come here, she'd still be crying,"

"Nah, you would've gotten through to her eventually, you know that. But Sarah, trust me," he says, still holding her head, palm curled in her hair. "Once I heard her on the phone there wasn't anywhere else I was gonna be."

She laughs, wet, and pulls away, dabs at her eyes without even trying to hide it. She does pretend, though, that she doesn't just want to stay in his arms.  
"How did you even get out of work?"

He shrugs.  
"My boss is pretty... lenient. I told him it was a family emergency and he let me leave early." She blinks, and he darts his eyes away. "I'd almost finished my shift, anyway,"

She doubts that, somehow, but she doesn't want to argue. He's here, he'd talked to Amy, and she'd listened to him. He saved the day. Clearing her throat, she heads around the counter into the kitchen, reaches for the coffee pot.

"Want one?" she asks, refilling her mug, and Chuck nods.

"Sure." He takes a seat on one of the stools at the counter, rests his chin on his hand as she reaches for a mug to give him, his usual from their movie nights. It's purple and glittery, and the first time she'd brought it out on one of their evenings, she'd intended it to be Amy's cocoa cup while Chuck was to get a plainer green one. The little girl had picked up the green cup back then, though, leaving Chuck with this very shiny one. Now, it's just his. "So did you say stomach bug and a cold? Together? Not just the flu?"

She nods.  
"I think so, hope so, at least. They're both going around at her daycare, one of the staff there warned me about them a couple of days ago. They're just twenty-four hour things, but Ames got the lucky mix of the two." She smirks a little wryly, but it fades as she thinks of the past day or so. "The throwing up was worse overnight so I thought she'd just caught that, then the sneezing started this morning."

He eyes her in concern as she heads to the fridge, getting the milk and pouring some into both cups.  
"Wait, Sarah, how much did you sleep?" She shrugs, hands him his drink, takes a sip from her own. He keeps looking at her, though, brow furrowing. "And how much coffee have you had today?"

"It's the only thing keeping me awake right now," she says, truthfully, and he raises an eyebrow.

"Sarah..." He trails off, tone warning.

"I know, I know," She raises a hand before he can lecture her on things she's already very aware of, then rubs at her temple and rests her head in her palm. "My eyes are sore just being open, trust me. But I mean, you heard her, I could hardly sleep through it,"

She looks up to find him eyeing her in sympathy, but he reaches out across the counter, rests his hand over hers.  
"I'm here," he murmurs. Oh, she knows. He's always here. "You can go take a nap, if you want,"

She chuckles softly at his instruction.  
"This reminds me of when _I_ was ill," she says, thinking back to another time he'd saved the day, coming over to watch Amy while Sarah had a cold, not long after they'd met.

He tilts his head, looking a little thoughtful, too.  
"Yeah, a lot's different now. I'm pretty sure you just agreed to go nap last time," She narrows her eyes at him picking up on her deflection, but he squeezes her hand gently, and her false-annoyance fades. "Please, Sarah. You've been through a lot in the last twelve hours, just please go sleep? Just for a little while?"

"I..."

"For me?" He's joking, but at the same time, it kind of works.

She sighs, tips back her coffee.  
"Okay. But wake me up in a half hour. I'll know what time it is, so don't let me sleep later,"

"Yes, ma'am." he says jovially, but she blinks, folds her arms a little teasingly, and his grin falls. "Don't call you ma'am, got it, that makes sense."

Chuckling, she moves toward her room, stopping just briefly at Amy's to check on her little girl. As expected, and also very thankfully, Amy is out, curled up on her bed and clutching Dog, mouth wide open against the pillow. She is finally peacefully, quietly, asleep. Relief flooding her, Sarah heads toward her own room, clambering atop her sheets and closing her eyes. Despite the many coffees she's had, she's out in seconds.

* * *

"Sarah?"

Chuck's voice echoes, reverberating around her, a loud whisper in her ear.

She frowns, looking left, right, a daze coming over her as her surroundings blur and shift. She swears she was just in an alley, Danny Caria ahead of her, her gun drawn. She'd been about to arrest him, she's sure she knows how it goes. It goes like it's always gone, every time this takes place, every arrest, she gets him. But Chuck isn't in here normally. Chuck shouldn't be here. She whips around, her gun suddenly gone from her hand, the space around her transforming into a black and a blue void as she clutches at air. She can see Caria's face before her, suddenly, a twisted smile and deep black eyes.

"Sarah? It's me," Chuck says, still hushed, and her blood runs cold.

Chuck's here, but Caria's here, somewhere, and her gun is missing and she doesn't know where she is.

"Don't hurt him," she tries to say, but her tongue feels like lead and she frowns again. A hand closes around her shoulder, and she shoots up. "No!"

Chuck frowns, looking her in the eye.  
"Sarah?"

She blinks, looks around. She's in her room. She tries not to sigh in relief: she's in her room. She was asleep and she's in her room because Amy is sick, and Chuck is here to wake her up. She takes in their positions, and pales when she realizes her arm is in the air, hand curled into a fist, ready to strike. Chuck is standing by her side, his hand still lightly touching her shoulder, the feeling that jolted her awake.

Pulling back, she sits up, wraps her arms around herself, and swallows.  
"Sorry." she says, keeping her voice even.

He sits down by her legs, shakes his head.  
"It's okay. It's, uh, it's been half an hour, and since you threatened me to not let you sleep longer..."

She breathes a laugh she doesn't really feel, remnants of the dream still hanging on a little.  
"How's Ames?"

"Sleeping, still," he says, lightly. "She hasn't woken up since you fell asleep."

She nods, takes a deep breath, pulls her knees up. Chuck taps his fingers on his legs, looks around, and he smiles when he looks at her bedside table. Sarah follows his gaze and realizes his eyes are on the few photographs there. One of them is shiny and new, the three of them outside the chimp enclosure at the zoo from the other week. She'd been so tempted to choose one of just her and Chuck laughing in the cafeteria, one taken by Amy, because all those shots turned out great, but the little girl had wanted a picture with her in it to be in her mother's room. Perhaps unwisely, Sarah had let her choose the photo, and, oblivious to the meaning behind it, Amy had picked this one. The one taken by the woman who'd called them a beautiful family.  
Sarah wonders idly if that woman could possibly know the turmoil she's caused, the thinking and confusion Sarah's gone through, trying to unpack it all, them being the family that they are. And she was just a stranger, trying to be kind and helpful.

Her thoughts must be showing on her face, for Chuck doesn't bring up the picture, just shrugs.  
"You feeling more awake?"

She smiles a little.  
"Yeah, I guess." She pauses, tilts her head. "And thank you for, y'know, being here. In… everything earlier, I don't think I said that,"

He grins, lopsidedly.  
"Always." She believes him. He came here with no notice, no warning, just dropped everything. It's what Sarah would do for Amy. She's just amazed it's what Chuck would do, too. She uncurls herself, reaches out and grasps one of his hands.

What did they do, she do, to deserve someone like him?

Squeezing his fingers, she just looks at him. He smiles before apparently remembering something.

"Hey, I made more coffee."

Oh god, he's amazing.

Thankfully, she manages to just grin.  
"I'd be lost without you," she says, her tone joking and her smile amused to take the weight off her words. But they're true, at least on days like today. And sort of quite often, really.

Chuckling, he sniffs a little proudly, puffs up his chest.  
"I try."

As she giggles at that, he stands, squeezing her fingers and tugging her up with him, and they head through to the kitchen. Sarah can indeed smell freshly brewed coffee, not like the long-stewed stuff she'd been having earlier, and she also suddenly realizes, she's hungry. Really really hungry. With today having no real structure, she'd sort of forgotten to eat. She reaches for a packet of cheese balls- Amy likes them as a treat- but as she looks back at Chuck she sees him quirking an eyebrow.

"What?" she asks, pausing before opening the pack.

"You hungry?"

She almost frowns at him. She's about to open some crappy snacks and devour them in the middle of the day, right after waking up from a nap. If he thinks this is her normal, un-hungry behavior, she's almost offended.  
"Yeah."

"Well like ten cheese puffs aren't gonna help," he says, a little smartly, before he steps closer, looks down at her, eyes dancing. "Y'know what will?"

She smirks.  
"Enlighten me."

He checks his watch, then nods.  
"Pizza. Should just be open."

Oh he is, completely, and utterly, amazing.

She laughs, putting the cheese puffs back in the treat cupboard.  
"Alright." she says, as she turns to the coffee pot, pours out a mug. It smells great, waking her up before she even takes a sip. He grins, pulling out his phone and dialing a number. The few clicks indicate it's on speed dial, which seems so Chuck to Sarah she holds back a laugh, if only because she realizes something. "Oh, could you get a large? If Amy's feeling better she might want some slices later."

He nods and grins, then starts talking to the company on the phone, ordering an extra-large pizza, half vegetarian, half ham and cheese, and she smiles at his thoughtfulness in getting a simpler topping Amy will eat too as she sips her coffee. Amy eats vegetarian, but only sometimes, depending on what kinda mood she's in. He walks back over when he's done, and Sarah hands him the mug she'd poured in his absence.

"Thanks. They're pretty quiet right now, since it's, y'know, only 4pm, so it shouldn't be too long."

She smiles.  
"Thank you. Again."

He leans back against the counter, shrugs, and she can't help but smile again. After a beat, though, he reaches out his free arm, wiggles his fingers, and she furrows her brow.  
"C'mon," he says, with a broad, sweet, grin, and she grins in reply. "This is a limited time offer, Walker, bring it in."

Giggling, she slips into his side with an ease she realizes is almost practiced by now, and rests her head against his chest. His arm slides round her waist, holding her close, and she sighs as they stand there, peaceful silence falling. She's not tired anymore in terms of wanting to sleep, but she just wants to rest. To sit, take a breath, let the craziness ebb.  
And so, when the pizza comes not long later, and Chuck comes back up to the apartment with the box in hand, she waves him over to the couch where she's sitting, their drinks moved, napkins and plates set out.

It's a strange mix, pizza and coffee, and it reminds her of the occasional stakeout she'd done with the CIA. She never had a partner, and she'd heard rumors about a team just before she'd quit, but she'd gone on many stakeouts with older agents as a training and junior agent, which she was for years, officially. Unofficially, Graham had had her running around the world from the age of 17, going undercover, endangering her life almost every time, acting way older than she was. She'd done everything from protection details to sleazy assignments in clubs, from fistfights to shooting people- though she'd never killed anyone. She doesn't know why she thinks of that detail as something to be proud of. Normal people who don't-quite-kill people are in prison. She just shot some criminals non-lethally, her aim almost as sharp as her eye with a knife. And sometimes, she wasn't even sure if they were really criminals.

Now, she leans back on the couch, curls her feet up, a plate full of pizza slices in her hand. Despite the food and drink combination, it's nothing like a stakeout. Chuck turns on the TV, flicking through the channels while also stretching out his arm nearest her, leaning it across the back of the seat a little like he'd reached out to her earlier. He doesn't say anything this time, though, so she looks his way, raises an eyebrow, and he just smiles at her, soft and warm, and yes, inviting. She curls into him, his warmth against her side, as she eats and watches the bad-looking crime drama he settles on.

After a few bites of pizza, she sighs contentedly, feeling so relaxed in comparison to the exhausted strung-out tension she'd felt just an hour or two before.  
"Let's just stay like this all day,"

He chuckles, shaking lightly against her.  
"No problem," he says, and she smiles, looking down at her plate and picking more of the olives off her food. It's not too heavy on them, though, which is good- she's picked olives off pizzas for hours before, it feels like. Chuck hums, and she turns to him, seeing him frowning lightly. "Why didn't you just tell me you don't like olives?"

She shrugs.  
"I thought if you did, and I know that Amy doesn't mind them if she has a slice, then I'd cope."

He sends her a flat look.  
"Well, I'll remember it next time,"

She partly hopes there isn't a next time, not another day like today where Amy is sick and Sarah forgets to eat and Chuck leaves work early to come back to them to help, not another of these days. But another moment like this, by Chuck's side, warm and lazy, watching bad TV and eating pizza by his side, curled up in him- these days, she'd like a lot more of, she thinks.

They save some of the food for Amy, two slices of the ham and one of the vegetarian, and watch more TV for a while until Sarah stands, stretches.  
"I'm just gonna go check on her," she says, and Chuck nods.

"Sure."

Heading around past him, brushing her hand over his shoulder as she goes, she makes her way to Amy's room, stepping inside and seeing her daughter fast asleep, looking comfortable. She sits by her side, checks her forehead, happy to find it feeling a more normal temperature than before. Looking at the slight smile on Amy's lips, she tucks a curl behind her ear, before the little girl stirs, and Sarah freezes.

"Mommy?" Amy murmurs, voice groggy and thick.

She smiles down at her, brushing her knuckles lightly on Amy's cheek.  
"Yeah, baby, it's Mommy,"

The little girl peels open her eyes, then smiles slowly.  
"Hi,"

"You feeling better?" she asks. Though Amy sniffs, she nods, and Sarah smiles. Evidently Chuck Bartowski and some children's cold medicine can work wonders. "Yeah? D'you wanna get up or do you wanna stay here?"

She hums.  
"Wanna come with you," she decides, and Sarah smirks as her little girl quickly hops out of bed, before evidently remembering she's still ill and slowing a little. Sarah grabs Dog and the top blanket off the bed, and wraps the blanket around Amy before lifting her up. Amy cuddles her close, nuzzling her neck. "Love you, Mommy,"

Sarah smiles, kisses Amy's cheek.  
"I love you too, bug. Now, c'mon, we're watching TV and we've got pizza if you're hungry,"

Amy giggles happily at that, and Sarah's not surprised. Though Amy stopped throwing up around 4am, she hasn't eaten much since out of that fear of it happening again, and while pizza isn't the healthiest meal to eat after you've been ill, it's a treat, and Sarah feels like treating Amy today. Besides, the chicken soup last night hadn't stayed in her stomach very long, so the most conventional sick-day food is out.

They head back into the living room, and Sarah's impressed to see Chuck's already switched the channel from that crime drama they'd been watching to an Amy-safe cartoon. Amy gasps suddenly as they get closer, and Sarah thinks she's just spotted their guest.

"Chuck's still here!" she says excitedly, and Chuck turns around on the couch, grinning.

"I am, Ames. You feelin' better?"

Nodding fervently, Amy wriggles a little, and Sarah rounds the couch, setting her down next to Chuck while still in the blanket, then handing her Dog and quickly heading to the couch to get some water. Pizza may be indulgent, but Sarah knows she's gotta keep Amy hydrated. She sets the cup on the coffee table as she sits back down, then reaches for Amy's plate, seeing the little girl stare at the food amusingly, hungry for it.

Chuck moves Dog onto his lap, playing with the bunny's little paws apparently absentmindedly as Amy sets her plate on her legs and they watch TV.  
And Sarah sits back, takes in the scene. Now _these_ days, warm and lazy, watching TV and eating pizza, Amy by her side and Chuck right next to her, these days, Sarah would give anything for more of. She settles for kissing Amy's head and enjoying the moment, while it lasts.

Because that dream reminded her, as if she ever really forgets, that all of this could come crashing down at any moment. And she almost feels like she's just waiting for disaster to strike.

* * *

 **a/n 2:** It's funny the things I end up researching most to try and be accurate as a Scottish girl writing for American characters. Here, coffee, and creamer vs half and half vs milk, and children's Tylenol and how it's typically administered. Anyway, sorry to Amy for making her ill and cranky here. But that just leads to so much goodness! And pizza. There's so much food in this story, I swear, I must've always been hungry when writing it. Anyways, another big Amy-and-Chuck moment, and more getting closer in general… See you guys in a few days for Chapter 15, 'The Glitch'!

-Kiera :)


	15. The Glitch

**summary:** Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they find a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

 **a/n:** I'm back from vacation, booo. Literally, I'm heading back from the airport right now. But hey, I have more of this story for y'all! Thanks for your reviews, messages, etc, so far, I tried my best to reply to things when I was away despite a decided lack of WiFi, but hopefully more normal service shall resume now I'm back. So if you like this chapter, please leave a review!

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Chuck, computers, sushi, or sidewalk flirtations.

* * *

 **The Glitch**

An unfamiliar beep sounds out from her computer around midday, and she looks up from her notes with a frown. The desktop looks the same, displaying the last page of accounts she'd been analyzing and inputting on the company's online portal, but there's a red exclamation point in the corner that isn't usually there. She knows that the system is a little rickety and old, though, and often has simple problems like this, so she hovers over the alert, clicks it. The moment she does, the screen freezes and shifts to a page saying 'Connection lost'.

Curious, she hits refresh, wondering if the portal is jammed up again, but she just gets nothing still, and as she looks to the bottom of the screen she sees the usual internet symbol on the desktop has faded from white to transparent. When refreshing again and troubleshooting does nothing, she sighs, stepping up from her desk and moving to her office door, poking her head out. Every screen she sees is equally blank, and everyone looks a little confused.

"Chris?" she calls, and the nearest guy from her team spins round to her on his chair. "Is the internet down?"

"Looks like it," he says, a little nonchalantly, and she sighs.

"I was in the middle of the Goldberg account, I can't get it back. Have you called tech?"

Chris nods, points to another team member.  
"Emily's on it."

Sarah sighs again, walks down the office where she finds Emily, the newest member of their team, cradling a phone to her ear, clicking some things on her computer. There's a frown on her face that tells Sarah the things she's doing are pretty useless.

The woman looks up helplessly, but smiles when she sees Sarah, and raises a finger.  
"Hold on, Todd, my boss is here, I'll let you talk to her,"

Taking the phone, Sarah sighs down the line to their tech support.  
"What's wrong, Todd? We're losing time here,"

"I'm sorry, Miss Walker," Todd says, sounding a little nervous. "The internet connection just seems to have gone out on your floor. I'm trying to give people troubleshoots to fix it, but I think we're just gonna have to wait for the tech guy to get here."

She pauses, frowns, realizing just what a confusing statement that is.  
"Todd, you _are_ the tech guy."

"Oh. Right." He sounds like he's only just remembered that fact. "Yeah, yeah I am, but I can't fix this. I called in the Nerd Herd."

Blinking, she hands the phone back to Emily, trying not to roll her eyes. The tech guy, has called in another tech guy. Sarah has to wonder, why bother with the first one in the first place? Suppressing that probably mean thought- maybe this is just a really advanced problem that Todd can't fix with what he has, and the guy likely needs the job, most people do-, she heads back to her office, sitting down and trying to work on what she can without the portal.

After grabbing some papers and working stuff out by hand, she manages to get through a couple things, all while she wonders quite who the Buy More will be sending. She looks to a few of the photographs on her desk, some of them new and bright, and can't help but smile. When the connection still hasn't returned fifteen minutes later, and she gets a call from the lobby saying the Nerd Herd tech is here, she's relieved, and quickly tells the receptionist to send the guy up.

Since her door is still open, she hears the faint ding of the elevator arriving on their floor, and through the glass office walls she sees Chris standing to head over and presumably bring the technician to Sarah. She pretends to be busy as she hears murmured conversation, and only when there's a knock on her door does she look up.

She sees Chris standing there, the tech by his side, and she grins.

"Sarah, this is..."

"Hi, Chuck,"

Chuck grins before her, nose crinkling.  
"Y'know, I got suspicious when I saw this building and the receptionist said I would meet 'Miss Walker', but I still wasn't sure," She chuckles, and he laughs too, but she catches Chris' expression—her co-worker looks pretty confused.

"You know each other?" Chris asks, frowning a little. After a beat, Sarah sees realization dawn on his face. "Oh, wait, yeah, you're in some of Sarah's photos, right?"

Though Chuck looks a little surprised at that, he nods.  
"I guess so."

Sarah clears her throat.  
"We're good, Chris," she says, tone light but dismissing him all the same. He nods and turns away, heading back to his desk, and Sarah stands, walking around to the front of her desk and leaning against it. She finds she rather has to resist the urge within her to hug Chuck as she greets him, which she usually does now. She likes doing that. Instead, she folds her arms over her chest and grins yet again. "Hi."

"Hi." He smirks, looking around. "Fancy place."

"Well, shiny office." She bounces a shoulder.

"Yeah. How do you deal with everyone looking at you, though?"

A vague thought reminds Sarah that Amy had asked that exact same thing, once. She shrugs, looking past him, about to say nobody bothers, but she finds that, actually, right at this moment a lot of her coworkers are indeed sneaking glances at her. She makes eye contact with one guy, Matthew, and he promptly looks away.  
"It's usually not a problem," she says, smirking a little. "I think they're just curious about you,"

Chuck quirks an eyebrow, smiles cheekily.  
"Little old me?"

Yes, she thinks, him. The guy who started appearing in photographs upon her desk not long after she'd started working here, the guy her team sneaks looks at when they come into her office, curious and a little nosy. Nobody's ever been brave enough to ask who he is, how he's connected to Sarah. But she knows his appearance now, them just standing here and smiling and talking, will probably reinforce certain theories more than others.

She clears her throat.  
"That might just be because they have no internet, though, so they can't work,"

He snorts, lifts up the toolbox in his hand.  
"Well, just show me where to go and I'll get right on fixing it. Can't have your team thinking I'm lazy at my job," Chuckling, she steps past him, indicating he should follow her and moving around to show him to where Todd's office is, the tech hub of the building. "So the connection just gave out?"

"Mmhm, right in the middle of work. We do most stuff on this internet portal, putting everything together, so we're a little lost without it. Todd said it's just our floor but he doesn't know how to fix it," She heads down the hall, Chuck following, then turns the corner.

He hums.  
"Yeah, he mentioned that when he rang the store. Gotta say I'm surprised, though, that he called me in when he's the tech guy for your company. That's why I brought the toolbox, figured this is a pretty big problem."

She winces.  
"Well, hopefully not too big." They really need this account done today, and she hates feeling so helpless and stuck, especially when she'd almost been finished. A need to be on top of things, a sense that she's most comfortable when in control of her surroundings, is one thing that transferred from her spy career to this one. She just wishes fixing the things out of her control in her personal life were as simple as fixing this, calling in the Nerd Herd. One of the Nerd Herd is part of one of the issues, after all.

"Hey, it's me you're talking to," He grins. "I'll get it working again, I promise."

Smirking, she leads him down another hall, and there at the end is Todd's office. Chuck goes to keep walking, but she slows where she is and he turns around again, eyebrow raised.

"I guess I'll know when it's fixed, but come by my office again before you go? If you need any forms signed I can do that,"

"Okay," He smiles, then pauses, looks at her, his expression softening. "It's good to see you."

As warmth fills her, she smiles back, clasps her hands together so she doesn't reach for him. He needs to fix this, after all, and she's not sure, if she did hug him, quite when she'd let him go.  
"You too."

"I'm gonna go save your internet, now," he says, and she snorts, shoving his shoulder to get him to move and watching as he hams it up, stumbling and acting outraged as he walks down the hall backwards. "Sarah Walker, what would your daughter say of such violence?"

Rolling her eyes and grinning in lieu of a response, she turns around, heading back to her office still filled with that warmth. And as she sits down at her desk again, manually working out some accounts, she finds her eyes drifting again to one of the picture frames just in front of her. The one that houses the photo she'd taken herself at the zoo, her and Chuck and Amy all squished in together, grinning at the lens. She tries not to think about the fact that the very man in the picture, warm grin and everything, is in this same building, just a few rooms away.

* * *

About a half hour after she'd taken Chuck to Todd's office, a beep sounds from her computer, yet again. She looks up quickly, seeing that the faded icon from before is now back to its usual bright white, and finding no red exclamation point in the corner.  
She clicks refresh on the portal, and just like that, the page loads like it usually does. She smirks, feeling a little proud, actually, of Chuck. She'd known he was good at his job, good with technology, but seeing his work in action, helping her, is something else.

A murmur runs through the office as everyone apparently realizes the same, that their connection has returned, and Sarah stands and heads to her open door. She looks out at her coworkers, seeing all of their screens back to normal, and Chris looks over.  
"Your guy did good, boss!"

She pauses.  
"He's-" A cheer sounds out from someone, and before Sarah can protest that Chuck isn't 'her guy', she looks down the hall and sees him headed back into the office, to her. His toolbox is in hand, his bag slung over his shoulder again. The staff clap and whoop a little, cheering for the guy who restored their precious internet, and Sarah watches as Chuck flushes, rubs at the back of his neck with his free hand. When he nears her and the sound dies down, she checks her watch, and steps forward. The eyes of her team all shift to her. "Okay, I know we're behind today, but it's almost lunch and you can't work if you're hungry. Take a break, eat, and we'll get back to work afterwards."

She heads back into her office before anyone can protest, which she knows some would do. She's dedicated to her work, but it sometimes feels like the people she works with are even more dedicated, and Sarah doesn't need that. She's always thought overworked people aren't happy people, and unhappy people don't work well. As she sits down again, she sees Chuck standing in her office doorway, nodding a little as a couple people send him thankful smiles on their way to lunch, and she smirks, clearing her throat.

He turns his head her way, blinks.  
"Oh. Sorry, I didn't know if I should..."

She chuckles.  
"Well you don't just have to stand there," He grins sheepishly, stepping into her office. "Do I need to sign something? An invoice?"

"Oh! Yeah, uh," He heads toward her, setting his toolbox on one of the chairs across from her desk, then opening his bag and producing a clipboard, handing it to her. "You just fill out the stuff and then... yup."

Biting back a smile, she finds a pen, starts filling out the form. After a few seconds, though, she sees Chuck in her peripheral vision, rocking back and forth on his heels. A moment later, he leans over, evidently trying to look at something on her desk- a particularly bright craft from Amy is what she thinks has caught his eye-, and she snorts, looks up at him. He's basically just like her three-year-old; super inquisitive, and really bad at trying not to be that.  
"You're as bad as Ames is sometimes, just come around."

"Well it's your office," he says, like it's obvious, lifting a shoulder. "I didn't wanna intrude,"

She sends him a flat look.  
"You're never intruding, Chuck,"

He beams, then steps around, standing next to her as she keeps filling out the Nerd Herd report. When the invoice is done, she reaches the section where she has to rate Chuck's service, and she doesn't even have to stretch the truth to give him a glowing review. He saved the day, really.

"You weren't lying about bumping the baby pictures down," he murmurs, and she looks at him, seeing him pointing at the photos of a younger Amy, taped to Sarah's desk drawers now. The framed snaps on the desk are mostly all recent, from the past year. Thanksgiving, the zoo.

She shrugs.  
"I've got a lot of good new photos," Signing the form, she spins so she's facing him, hands him the clipboard, and he takes it with a smile before stopping and looking a little thoughtful.

"You're on break right now?"

"Yeah." she says, a little confused.

"D'you have any plans for it?"

A boring salad in the break room fridge, she thinks, but she doesn't mention that. She shakes her head instead.  
"No. Why?"

"Wanna get lunch?" he asks with a grin, wide and sweet as ever.

Standing, she looks up at him and steps closer, smirking a little. He shuffles closer too, and suddenly they're almost toe-to-toe.  
"Don't you have to get back to work?"

"I'm out on a job," he says, matter-of-fact, grin turning cheeky as he shrugs. It makes him look far more attractive than he has any right to, she thinks. He tilts his head. "It's just a really tough repair, it's taking me a while. Could be another... oh, half hour, at least, before I can leave."

Though she should send him back to work, she finds herself grinning instead, a thrill running through her as she plays along.  
"Okay." she murmurs.

"Really?" He grins suddenly, then it falls, like he just needs to make sure.

"Sure, let's go. I know you asked me, but do you like sushi?" She's asking less because she particularly wants sushi right now, and more because she's been to this place a few times at lunch, and she's never come across a coworker there. She's bumped into colleagues at the sandwich place, at the store, but never at the sushi restaurant. This way, she and Chuck get to spend some time together minus awkward looks and potential questions. Plus, it should be pretty quick to get their food; as much as she'd love a long lunch with Chuck, she does have to get back here on time, catch up on the work the lack of a connection made her get behind on.

Chuck grins, reaches for his bag and toolbox.  
"Sure, I love it. Just let me put these back in the Herder when we get down and then we'll head there,"

Nodding, and biting back another grin, she grabs the matching jacket to her skirt suit and slips it on, reaching for her purse as Chuck waits. He walks by her side when she steps out of the office, locking it, though she sees he firmly watches the floor as they head past the break room and the members of her team there. Sarah sends them a polite smile, though at their curious and knowing looks, she rather wishes she could look at the ground too. It's not that she doesn't want them to assume she and Chuck are dating, but since they aren't, it makes everything a a little awkward.

When they ease into the elevator, Chuck releases a breath, and Sarah smirks.

"That bad?"

"Hm?" He looks her way, then shakes his head a little sheepishly. "Oh, no. Seriously, no, I've done jobs and installs way worse before. But y'know, never at your office."

"It's not my office."

"It was your floor," he says, his somewhat-smartass tone so like Amy's is sometimes Sarah half expects Chuck to poke his tongue out at her like her daughter would. He doesn't, just shrugs. "I mean, the people I talked to were super nice, it's still just, like, your place, your team. I didn't want them to think I was just there because I knew you, or something."

"You didn't even know that you were here for me and my team until you arrived, Chuck, it's okay," she says, shaking her head. "And you did your job and brought back the portal and made everything a whole lot easier- trust me, they love you,"

He chuckles, but though she doesn't feel the matter's over with, the elevator halts, doors peeling open, and she leaves it for now as they head outside. The Nerd Herder is parked a little ways around from the doors, Sarah sees, but the sushi place is the other way, so she waits by the entrance as Chuck hurries down to his strange little car and puts his things in the back, then comes back, grinning.

His hand slips into hers as they go, and she doesn't even think about it. They walk in comfortable silence, his palm soft around hers, the spring sun giving a pleasant glow to the street, until they reach the sushi place and head inside. After quickly finding a table, Sarah eyes the conveyer belt easing around with little dishes, taking a few, before the server comes over. Since she's often a creature of habit, Sarah orders her favorite, a crab hand roll with super light wasabi to go with the edamame pods and hosomaki she's just taken from the belt. Chuck orders something with duck, then reaches for the beans once the waitress has left.

"You mind?" he asks, hand hovering over the bowl, and she waves a hand.

"No, sure. I never eat them all, anyway."

He chuckles.  
"So that's where Amy gets her eyes that are way bigger than her stomach."

She shrugs, smirking a little because perhaps he's right on that, and the server passes by with their drinks. Sarah sips her water before she speaks again.  
"So how was that, today? Compared to other problems you've solved?"

"Not bad," Chuck admits. "But it was a wiring problem right in the mainframe, I had to replace a couple fried components. I think that's why your tech guy couldn't do it himself." He doesn't say it meanly, just stating the fact, and Sarah tries not to smile at that. Though Todd is fine, the tech people where she'd worked in New York was arrogant, rude, loved showing other people up and pointing out their flaws or mistakes. Chuck is just kind. Of course he's kind, Sarah thinks, she shouldn't even be surprised by him anymore, and yet, she so often is. She tilts her head, eyes him.

"Mhm, Todd's okay, but he's more for helping people get into their emails when they're locked out rather than much else," She chuckles, and Chuck grins, popping the shell on one of the edamame.

"I'm not gonna lie, though, if my software works out, there's no way I'll miss off-site jobs." She raises an eyebrow, and he shrugs. "Today I actually helped, but half the time I just get called out for installs people are too lazy to do themselves, or exactly those kinds of problems, forgotten passwords and stuff. I wanna help people, but not... like that."

She snorts a little, reaching for the soy sauce and pouring some into a little dish before dunking one of her sushi rolls in them.  
"Well I'm glad we were bearable." she jokes, eating her bite.

He lifts a shoulder.  
"C'mon, you were there, it was more than just bearable,"

His words make her pause mid-chew, and as they both fall quiet, Chuck just looking at her, she reaches for her water again, changes the subject.

"How is the software going, then?"

"It's okay," he says, looking away.

Narrowing her eyes, she frowns a little. That's barely an answer.  
"Just 'okay'?"

"Eh, one company's interested, I just replied to them last night, and another one rejected me. Actually, they didn't, but, uh, they wanted to just buy the software and make their own changes rather than letting me work with them, which isn't really what I'm after." He pulls a face. "I don't know if that's selfish."

She rests her chin on her hand, elbow propped up on the table.  
"Chuck, you're anything but selfish. Wanting to stay with something you've created isn't selfish."

"Isn't it, though? I could just have taken the money they offered and I'd be fine."

That sounds the more selfish to Sarah, really, but she shakes her head, leans in, reaching over the table and covering his hand with hers.  
"You're not selfish. It's your idea, and your product, and you want to stay with it. And you should. People should know your name, not just the name of some company that's taking credit for all of your work." He smiles at her, turns his hand over under hers. "Some day, Chuck Bartowski will be a big name in the tech world, you'll be on... magazines, and things. And I want to see it. You'll have earned it."

He shakes his head, apparently lost for words, and squeezes her fingers in his.

The waitress arrives with their other food at that moment, which is probably for the better, and Sarah pulls back only to tuck in, which Chuck does too, with gusto. As she eats, though, the public space of this restaurant dawns suddenly on her, only now. They're out in the open, here, so easy to be spied on, be observed and monitored, and Chuck is just such good company that didn't even occur to her until this very moment. Though she instantly looks around, tries to feel for anything out of place, she also can't quite mind only just realizing her mistake. Until now, being here with Chuck, talking and relaxing, it's felt nice.

And this is the problem, with Chuck, with how close they are. She wants to keep him safe, of course, but it's just still so tricky to keep running away from something, someone, that makes her so happy. And Chuck definitely, definitely, makes her happy.

"Oh," he says, swallowing a bite of sushi as he breaks into her thoughts. "I wanted to ask you, what does Amy want for her birthday?"

She blinks, still in her head a little.  
"Hm?"

"Her birthday. It's next month, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, April 12th," she says, snapping out of it and thinking about what she could suggest Chuck buys. "She's pretty bad at actually asking for stuff until the week before, though."

"Is she still into those toys I got her for Christmas?" He grins, and she smirks as she thinks of those toys now, how rapidly they've taken over the apartment some days.

"Yeah, but we're overrun with them, trust me. Honestly, you could just get her anything and she'd love it, it's from you."

He flushes a little at that, rather adorably, and clears his throat.  
"Well I was thinking, DVDs? I think we've almost gone through your whole collection on movie nights, and there's a couple other ones I could get her."

"Yeah." Sarah smiles. "She'd like that. What movies are you thinking?"

"Hm, I got some ideas. I noticed you don't have Anastasia or Shrek, which is a travesty, Sarah, c'mon." She sends him a fake glare and he gulps down his sushi, eyes widening. "I mean, it's totally fine, sure, it's whatever. I'll get her a couple other things, too, obviously."

She grins and nods, swallowing down the urge to tell him not to go overboard. She spoils Amy with gifts on her birthday, yes, but as whatever Chuck is to her little girl, half-father, not-quite-guardian, just the man she adores, whatever he is, Chuck has the right to spoil Amy too, Sarah thinks.  
"Okay, well I've got the new doctor's kit and the animal books covered, plus a bunch of clothes, and I'm looking into bakeries for a cake with a lion on it, but I think you're good other than that, so far."

He chuckles, looking back down at his food, then looks back up, amused.  
"It's funny," he says, and she raises an eyebrow.

"What is?"

"I'm pretty sure this is the first time we've been anywhere together without Ames at least being kinda near, but we're still talking about her,"

Sarah laughs at that, too, popping another edamame pod, even as she thinks how true his words are. Amy's always been there, but she's surprised to find now doesn't feel too different. Chuck's just the same whether with her or her and the three-year-old just as warm, as nice, as... everything he is. But their being here together also makes this feel a little like a date, and Sarah knows how easy it could be to lose herself in his company, sit here all day, when she just can't for so, so many reasons, the current most pressing one being that she has to get back to work some time. And so she stays with the topic of Amy.  
"She's a little like that,"

"I've noticed. But she's not the only one." Chuck murmurs, a familiar look in his eyes.

Yet again, Sarah looks down at her plate, eating the last of her food to fill the silence of his implied words. That she, like Amy, gets under his skin, is inescapable. The kind of person you think about, talk about, when they're not even there. He's just too lovely and open sometimes, and Sarah almost envies it. To be able to just say something, without worrying too much about its implications, without putting a filter on yourself. Just being. She tries so desperately to be like that, with him, and before Bryce dropped the bombshell about Caria she's sure she'd been on her way. Now, though, some things she just has to keep inside. And she doesn't know when Chuck can ever find out about those. Someday, she promises herself. Someday, someday soon, she has to tell him, she _will_ tell him, no matter what it might do to them.

She doesn't want to ruin their lunch, though, for him or for herself, and so, checking her watch, she sees she's still good for time.  
"Do you wanna split some awesome-looking pancakes for dessert?"

He blinks, then grins widely.  
"Oh, you know I do,"

She swipes the sweet filled pancakes from the belt as they roll past, and sets aside her empty plates as she takes one and digs in. She might have to run a little more at the gym tomorrow for the indulgence, but damn, she thinks, they taste good enough it's worth it.

Chuck hums in appreciation.  
"Oh man, these are good. Good choice."

She smirks, winks.  
"Told you,"

He chuckles, and goes back to eating.

Time does run out eventually, though, and as they pay and head back out into the warming sun, Sarah feels herself drift closer to Chuck even as she internally curses it. He's just so _there_ , right by her side, what she wants, and it's so easy to slip her hand into his and lean into him, forearms brushing as they walk down the street. She forces herself to stay alert, just in case, even as she stays close to him.

Chuck grins at the sky, glances at her.  
"I'm glad it's getting warmer,"

She chuckles.  
"It barely got colder. Amy couldn't believe she only wore her winter coat once this winter, and that was at my mom's."

"Still felt colder last month."

She snorts, sends him a disdainful look. Or, fake-disdainful, since she likes him far too much to truly judge him.  
"LA boy."

He hums, narrows his eyes a little in contemplation.  
"I meeean," He drags it out, ridiculously, and she can't help but giggle. "Let's see, you live here, your daughter lives here, you spend time with me... You better be careful, Sarah, I'm pretty sure, like, statistically, you're on your way to being an LA girl."

Since they're just down from her work, she stops, turning into him. His hand slips from hers only to pull her into him, and her own hands slip under his arms, rest lightly on his hips as she looks up at him. He just chuckles as she sends him a stern look.  
"Oh, there's statistics for this, is there?" she asks.

"Of course," he says, instantly, nodding. "Tons, probably."

"Tons of statistics, about living here."

He giggles a little, somewhat adorably, arms slipping around her too.  
"Of course."

She quirks an eyebrow, well aware this entire exchange is ridiculous. But his arms are around her and he's resting his hands on her back and Sarah doesn't really want to move.  
"Chuck," she says, licking her lips deliberately. "Who's the one of us who works with statistics more?"

"That, would probably be you." he says, gaze darkening a little.

"Mmhm." She rises on her toes, looks him in the eye. Though it's perhaps cheating, she looks through her lashes, always the CIA seduction killer, and tilts her head the perfect angle. "And I say they don't exist."

He blinks.  
"Okay..." His voice is raspy, and she smirks.

"Great!" she says, upbeat, and pulls back, so quickly his arms loosen from around her. "I'll see you later, then," She steps away, but she only makes it two feet before she hears Chuck's oh so warm laughter, feels his hand gently find her wrist, holding her there, and she turns to him with a victorious grin, seeing as he chuckles.

"That was good. But you do seriously need to go, I think you're probably late."

"It's fine." She shrugs, like it's no big deal. It is, but with what her coworkers very likely think she and Chuck are to each other, Sarah knows they'll let her be five minutes late. She smiles, and, public space or not, reaches up and hugs Chuck, pressing her face into his shoulder when he holds her tight in return. She might not have been able to do it when he saw him this morning, but she'll damn well do it now.

He pulls back, smiles.  
"Go. See you later," They have no specific plans until Friday, but somehow Sarah doesn't doubt his words. She nods, but before she can step back, Chuck leans down, kisses her cheek, leaving her skin tingling as always. "It was... really good, to see you, Sarah,"

"Yeah," she murmurs, finding his hand, squeezing it. "Same here. Alright, I really gotta go." She steps back, walking away. "Thank you, again, for fixing that today."

"It's literally my job!" he calls, and she chuckles as she rushes into the building lobby, seeing the kind look the old security guard at the door gives her. As she waits for the elevator, she looks back out front, seeing Chuck still standing where she'd left him, hands in his pockets now, looking at her. He grins once more, raising one hand and wiggling his fingers in a wave, and she returns his smile as the elevator arrives.

She's still grinning when she gets up to her office, ready for a busy afternoon of work.

* * *

 **a/n 2:** I loved that some of y'all were trying to work out what the glitch was, and in the end it was just like, a computer glitch. A little anticlimactic, I know, but we do love a Nerd Herder, after all. Also in case some of you didn't realize, first chapter without Amy! I kinda missed her, bless, but I wanted to give Chuck and Sarah some alone time again a liiittle like a date, and also have them at Sarah's job since we've already seen Chuck's, of course, way back when. Plus, this set a couple things up for our next chapter; if you liked these two being silly, then please do leave a review, and next up, Chapter 16, 'The Four-Year-Old'! Aw, yeah. I know, the title breaks my one-word tradition so far, but I thought it was a worthy reason. Our girl's growing up. Sniff.

-Kiera :)


	16. The Four-Year-Old

**summary:** Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they find a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

 **a/n:** Happy Birthdaaaay toooo Amyyyy... C'mon, I invented her, I have to get a little emotional at her birthday. And what better way to celebrate than with a party and a lot of introspection from her mother, yay! Both of those are equally as fun for a four year old! Anyway, to me when writing, this chapter always seemed like a milestone, one that changed the story after it from the one before it. Not drastically, but something in my mind always split the story after this chapter, like Part 2 begins after it... Which it doesn't, really, but hey that's what my head decided. I really wanna know what you guys think of this one, and I hope you enjoy it anyways. If you do, as ever, please leave a review as you go!

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Chuck, birthdays, waffles, or families.

* * *

 **The Four-Year-Old**

All of Amy's birthdays have begun like this. Unlike on Christmas morning, where Amy traditionally wakes up at some godforsaken time like 4am, on her birthday the little girl tends to sleep in until her normal time, and Sarah always finds herself the one rising early.  
And each day, for four years now, she's moved to where her daughter is sleeping, and just watched her. And thought, a lot, about her life. It's the same today, as Sarah leans against the doorframe to Amy's room, folds her arms over her chest.

Though she thinks a lot about Amy, obviously, and she's certainly pondered on their lives plenty since they've moved and since they've met Chuck, today somehow seems particularly monumental because of that. Because the little girl she'd watched sleep last year has changed so much now. Or maybe it's just Sarah who's changed so much and can't help but look at her daughter through that lens.

Giving birth four years ago, she'd felt alone. And, despite having friends, her mother, Bryce, along the way, that sense had never really left her, the idea that all she and Amy had was each other. But not now. Not now when the greatest man she's ever known is right across the hall, not when they've both given their hearts to him whether he, or even they, know it. Amy has the most structure, the biggest group of people, around her that she's had all her life. And though it shouldn't matter, they were fine before, what she now has in Chuck just somehow makes everything seem complete, to Sarah. And she's just praying for the day she gets told Caria has been apprehended, killed, anything, because they've both fallen for Chuck Bartowski and Sarah so desperately wants to let him in, let him know absolutely everything about her, everything she has to give.

He's more of a father to Amy than anyone else has ever been. And now, on her birthday, he'll be here throughout it, and that feels like a big deal, to Sarah, feels significant.

She smiles as Amy rolls over in her sleep, little limbs shifting and falling, faithful ragged Dog in her arms. Sweet, and perfect.

Sarah knows, she was never one of those people who thought having children was something she definitely wanted. Not just because she hardly had a family growing up, and not just because she often felt it was something she could never achieve, while a con and then a spy, but she'd also never felt becoming a mother would change her, make her whole or fill some gap as she'd heard many people say happened to them. And when she had Amy, honestly, her thoughts didn't alter at all. She knows some parents feel a new sense and purpose when they have a child, but Sarah hadn't felt that, either. There was no gap to fill when she got pregnant, first because it had been such a surprise, and then because once she quit the CIA, her whole life was a blank fresh slate. But Amy just brought her so much _more_ than anything like that. She didn't bring purpose, because Sarah still felt lost, still does, so often, but she brought love and warmth and fun. And Sarah never felt that, after having Amy, she need never try for anything else in life, because she's always wanting more, wanting a home, wanting a good job, wanting structure, wanting... Chuck.

She'd been scared, that day four years ago, scared of living a real life for the first time since she herself was a child, about to bring a person into the world, having no clue how to do it or where to go or what to do. But when she'd held Amy to her chest, her little girl screaming and annoyed at being brought into the cold noisy earth, and she'd murmured hello, stroked her cheek, and Amy had quietened, stopped writhing so much and relaxed, Sarah had felt relief like no other.  
It may have been tough, to get here, and she knows it'll be tough going forward. They've had setbacks, sure, Bryce and all of his destruction, moving from New York, but now everything feels the most right it's ever felt.

Amy's going to wake up on her 4th birthday, in LA, Sarah here, Chuck coming over mid-morning since he'd taken the day off specially, and Ellie and Devon and Morgan coming in the afternoon for a little party. The little girl had had a mini celebration yesterday at daycare, surrounded by her friends her age, sharing candy and getting showered with affection, but today, it's family time. Because that's what these people are, Amy's family. _Their_ family, Sarah reminds herself, because they mean so much to her too.

And it's worth it, every bit, feeling this warm, this whole, while watching Amy doze and thinking about the life they have. Sarah just wishes it could be that tiny bit more.

But that's not important, right now. If she and Chuck could be together, properly, more than this half-relationship they're in right now, that wouldn't change this day for Amy, really, wouldn't change the others being here, either. For all her worry about telling Chuck about her past, and the truth of the danger they're in and how he might react, Sarah knows he'd never hurt Amy, never just leave her. He's here, with Amy, for good. And so Sarah finds, despite her dreaming, there's little to lament today.

Amy stretches, eyes still closed, but sniffs and yawns, and Sarah smiles, stepping closer.

"Amy-baby, wake up," she says, sitting on the edge of the bed, stroking Amy's cheek. The little girl peels open her eyes, and Sarah tickles her chin. "Happy birthday,"

Amy grins.  
"It's today?"

"It's today!"

"I'm four!" She holds up four fingers, and Sarah chuckles, nodding. Technically, Amy won't be four until 10:35AM, so they've got a little more time, but Sarah won't get into that. Instead, she shuffles closer and grins.

"You are, bug! Do you feel any different?"

"I feel bigger," Amy says sagely, nodding, and Sarah chuckles, leaning down and nuzzling Amy's cheek, kissing her neck and then pretending to eat her until Amy predictably squeals and giggles and pulls away. " _Mommy_!"

"Sorry, baby. You're just so delicious and you're one year older," she says, shifting back. Amy giggles again, pushing herself up to sit, rubbing at her eyes a little and wiping away the sleep. Sarah leans in conspiratorially, narrows her eyes a little, and when she speaks, she whispers. "Do you want a special birthday breakfast?"

Amy nods excitedly, bouncing a little in her bed.  
"Yeah!"

"Okay, c'mon,"

Needing no further prompting, Amy jumps out of bed and starts sprinting to the kitchen, and Sarah chuckles, chasing after her daughter and catching her easily. She lifts her up into the air and spins her round in a circle, and Amy squeals as she clings to her and kicks her feet gleefully. She stays laughing and giggling until Sarah slows, kisses her cheek, and sets her down, a little regrettably. They relax at the counter for a while, Amy enjoying her breakfast of funfetti waffles and a pink smoothie with a unicorn straw in it- another idea from the internet saving the day-, until Sarah turns to her daughter with a grin.

"D'you wanna open your gifts, bug?"

Amy frowns a little, eyes wide in confusion.  
"Where are they?"

Sarah laughs softly, spinning Amy around on her chair so she can see the living room and coffee table. In place of the usual candle and coasters and TV remotes that sit atop the table most days, today there's a sprawling pile of presents, wrapped meticulously in shiny yellow paper. It had taken Sarah an embarrassingly long time to get them wrapped. She'd also strung a paper banner up above the TV, and blown up a couple balloons, too- evidently, cuddling and playing with Amy as they came through to the kitchen had meant the little girl hadn't yet noticed the display. Now, her eyes go wide.

"Wow. They're all for me?" she asks, voice full of awe.

Sarah chuckles, smooths down her hair.  
"They are."

Amy hums, tilts her head.  
"Can I wait 'til Chuck's here?"

Sarah blinks. Though Amy may be asking because she knows there'll be more presents when their neighbor arrives, part of Sarah knows that's not the whole reason, at least. Amy just wants Chuck to be here while she opens her gifts, she wants him to be here for that part of her day. And Sarah has to admit, that feels pretty right to her too.

She smiles softly, wondering how her daughter's request is so very sweet, and nods.  
"Sure, baby. But let's get dressed, then, he won't be here for another half hour, okay?"

Nodding in understanding, Amy reaches her arms up, and Sarah lifts her from the stool to set her down on the floor before they head through to her room. Once Amy's dressed in a nice new birthday dress they'd bought just for the day last week, and Sarah's taken a shower and gotten changed herself, they lounge on the couch watching cartoons until the predictable knock sounds on her door, same beat as always.

Amy turns to Sarah, grins.  
"Can I get it, Mommy?"

Sarah smirks, standing up and heading to the door, seeing through the peephole that Chuck is on the other side. She nods Amy's way, and the little girl rushes over, reaching up for the door handle. Sarah smiles softly, undoing the latch and helping Amy pull the door open. She stays a little hidden, letting her daughter pretend she let Chuck in all by herself.

Even from behind the door, she hears him gasp exaggeratedly, sweetly.  
"It's a birthday-bug!" he says, and both Sarah and Amy giggle. Amy predictably races forward, and Sarah hears an oof from Chuck before she steps around from her hiding space, seeing Chuck lifting up Amy in his arms, making her giggle.

"You're here!" Amy says excitedly, cuddling into Chuck, and he laughs softly.

"I am. Happy birthday, Amy," He ruffles her hair before looking Sarah's way, and his grin melts into a soft smile as their eyes meet. "Hi,"

She smiles back.  
"Hey. Come in," She steps away, and he kind of waddles into their home, weighed down by Amy and by the large bag in his hand. Amy giggles as he heads near the couch and plonks her down.

"We waited 'til you were here!" she says proudly, pointing to her presents, and Chuck sends Sarah a look, eyebrow raised. She just shrugs helplessly in return and he grins, setting down the bag of presents.

"Well I'm here now, so should we get this party started?" He rubs his hands together, then pauses. "Or, wait, not the party yet, that's later, but should we open some presents?"

Chuckling, Sarah nods, rounding the couch and sitting next to Amy.  
"Definitely."

Amy nods enthusiastically, clearly agreeing too, and then they begin.

The present unwrapping goes pretty well, paper customarily flying everywhere as Amy tears the wrapping off her new stuffed animals, clothes, toys, and the new plastic writing desk Sarah had gotten her. It's lightweight enough to be carried around, so if Amy wants to color in the living room now instead of at her proper wooden desk in her room, she can, rather than clearing the coffee table for her, or her coloring on the floor. Chuck's presents go down a storm, too, of course, the DVDs, the giant flashing birthday badge in the shape of the number 4, as well as a new set of paints and brushes, and a brand new giant coloring book. Amy squeals at them all, offering thanks and hugs after about every present, and Sarah laughs when the little girl finally sits back, surrounded by gifts.

"There's so many," she says, still awed, and Sarah grins.

"There are. D'you wanna play with anything now?"

Amy hums, then stands, wandering to her desk.  
"I wanna paint." She doubles back, scoops up the brushes and watercolors and sits determinedly at her desk, immediately turning to a page, but Sarah pauses.

"Baby, I need to get you some water and towels, okay? And you don't wanna get paint on your nice dress, right?" Amy frowns and shakes her head immediately, and Sarah nods. "Where's your shirt?" she asks, but Amy gapes.

"I got too big." she says, and Sarah pauses. Ah, yes, the shirt Amy has worn when painting and crafting for years now, an old once-white shirt Sarah had bought solely to get messy for the process, had finally gotten too small for Amy last month. Since the little girl hasn't fancied painting since then, Sarah has yet to find a replacement, and that had been fine, until right now. Frowning a little like her daughter, she wonders idly if she has any large shirts in her wardrobe she'd mind sacrificing.

Chuck clears his throat.  
"You need a shirt?" he asks, and Sarah turns to him.

"Oh, um, yeah, maybe. I haven't bought her a new one yet—" She turns back to Amy. "Baby, maybe you could just color instead?"

"Hey, no, wait, I've got a shirt. If you want it." Chuck says, and Sarah looks back at him. She arches an eyebrow invitationally, and he grins. "Be right back." Ruffling Amy's hair as he stands, he immediately rushes to the door, evidently heading across to his apartment. Amy shares a brief confused look with her mother before Sarah stands up, heading into the kitchen and filling a plastic cup with water, then grabbing some paper towels and heading back to Amy. She slowly helps her open up her new paints and brushes, and by the time she's done setting up the little painting station, and has protected the living room floor surrounding Amy's desk from any potential spills, the door clicks again. Chuck comes in, balled-up gray shirt in hand.

"Sorry," he says, a little breathlessly. "It was right in the back of my wardrobe. What d'you think, bug?"  
He unravels the shirt, and Sarah sees the faded red logo of Stanford University printed across the front. It's one of Chuck's college shirts.

Amy grins, clearly not knowing where the shirt came from but happy for its presence anyway.  
"Yeah!" she giggles, reaching up her arms, and Chuck laughs, crouching down by her side and wrangling the shirt over her head. Sarah watches as he helps Amy get her arms through the holes, then settles it over her dress. Chuck may not be a particularly big guy, but his height means the shirt is plenty big enough to cover Amy—the fabric swamps her adorably, like a kid in her dad's clothes. She looks to Sarah for approval, and after her nod, immediately turns around and starts painting enthusiastically.

With Amy occupied, Sarah begins scooping up the used wrapping paper still lying around, and Chuck helps, too. When they've got it all, she checks Amy is still engrossed in her painting, suppressing a wince at the smudged and smeared state the new watercolors have already gotten into, then gestures to the kitchen.

"Do you have it?" she murmurs, as she grabs a trash bag and starts shoving paper inside it.

Chuck nods, humming in asset, voice low.  
"Yup, got it yesterday and I just checked on it when I was over. It looks awesome."

She grins. Since Amy is often too nosy and curious for her own good, Sarah had entrusted her birthday cake to Chuck's apartment this year, keeping it in his refrigerator until they'll get a chance to bring it over and set it up later on when the others arrive. She'd found the perfect cake, eventually, and it's two tiers, decorated in green jungle-like icing with a giant lion's face on the front side. The decorator had also customized it with Amy's name and the number four on the top, and Sarah just knows her little girl will love it. She's just glad the surprise of it won't be ruined yet.

As they finish stuffing the paper into the bag and their noise subsides, sound drifts from the living room, and Sarah grins as she hears Amy singing a tune to herself as she paints. Chuck turns to Sarah, makes an adoring face and clutches his chest a moment, and she chuckles.

"Yeah, I don't think she'll ever stop being cute."

He snorts, leans against the counter.  
"How was she this morning?"

"Yeah, good," She smiles as she thinks on it. "She doesn't wake up early on her birthday, really, so, I, uh, I kinda have this tradition. I just go in before she's about to wake up, and I watch her, and I kind of... think back, to her other birthdays, the day she was born..."

"Mhm?" Chuck asks, reaching out, and she reaches for him too. His thumb sweeps up and down on the inside of her wrist before his fingers close around hers, and it sends a shudder through her, one she just about manages to get under control. She swallows.

"I was just thinking about how much things have changed since last year. We're here now, we have a new life, we have you," She shrugs even as his cheeks flush just a bit. "They're good changes."

"I'm glad," he says, smiling softly, then chuckling a little. "It's so weird, last year I didn't even know you guys, I have no idea what I was doing last April 12th. Working, probably. I never would've guessed I'd end up here."

"At my four-year-old's birthday?" she jokes, trying to defuse the tension, and he smirks.

"Something like that,"  
He leaves it open, and she's glad. Glad he isn't shying away from letting her know what he feels, but also glad, in some ways, that he's not pushing her to accept it, to do something, that he's not demanding an answer. It's hard to know what she could possibly say.

She clears her throat.  
"Anyway, then she woke up and we had breakfast, and then she decided she wanted to wait until you were here to open her gifts," She pokes him in the arm even as he flushes once more. "So we just watched TV."

He smiles knowingly.  
"Sounds like a great birthday," he muses, smiling a bit wistfully. "Y'know, my tenth birthday, I ate so much chocolate cake the frosting literally came out of my nose when I laughed. It was the weirdest thing,"

Snorting a laugh at that, she squeezes his hand, laughs as she steps into him.  
"God, Chuck Bartowski, there's no one else like you, is there?"

"I'd hope not," he says, shrugging a shoulder. She smiles, tilts her head as she eyes him. Yeah, she's good with this guy, this Chuck, as it is.

"Mommy!" Amy calls, and Sarah looks past Chuck's shoulder, seeing as Amy twists on her desk seat to look at them both.

"Yeah, baby?"

"Can we watch one of Chuck's movies?"

She smiles, lifts up Chuck's hand in hers, tilting it around until she can see his watch face. They've got time to squeeze in a movie before everyone starts arriving for the party early-afternoon, so Sarah nods.  
"Sure."

Chuck smiles, steps past her, hand unfortunately leaving hers as he does so, and heads around to Amy, tickling her side as he passes her to reach the TV. Almost on autopilot, Sarah feels, he sets up the DVD, shifts stuff around the TV like he does every movie night, and she just stays, watching from afar, as he steps back, and Amy lifts up her arms while still sitting at her desk. Chuck tugs off his old and now somewhat splattered Stanford shirt before he scoops the little girl up, setting her on his hip, and she nuzzles into him. He presses a sweet kiss to her head as he sits on the couch, shifting Amy so she's by his side, leaving the customary other side of the space for Sarah. Amy cuddles into his arm, and Sarah smiles to herself.  
They're screwed, they really are. Amy loves Chuck; even if she's only said it the once, while very sleepy, Sarah knows it. And why wouldn't she? He's been a major figure in their lives for almost a year now, they moved in across from him last August. He's here every week, part of her routine, they take trips and outings and he calls her the same nicknames Sarah does. He's kind, and genuine, and here for them.

And Sarah is just as screwed too, for all the same reasons. Plus that she still remembers how different kissing Chuck had felt, way back at Thanksgiving. That she still remembers knowing she'd never felt anything like that before. She'd felt sparks, warmth, longing, everywhere, perfect in his arms. She'd wanted nothing more than to just kiss him forever. And he gave her a family heirloom for Christmas, he held her when she was stressed as Amy was sick, they had lunch when he'd been in her office and now all her coworkers think they're dating. He comes here every week, sometimes they share wine and cuddle up on the couch, he's seen pictures of her pregnant, or tired having just given birth, and all he'd thought was that she was incredible.

He is the best man she has ever met. And she has no complaints about heading through from the kitchen and slipping in by her daughter's side, with Chuck on the other.

It may be what they do all the time. It may not be the most birthday-like thing to do. But that Amy wants this, on her birthday, with Chuck, is just all the more telling of how much she loves their movie nights. And Sarah loves them too. Once she's sitting down and the film is playing, she reaches behind Amy, and finds Chuck already reaching for her, too. Their hands slip into each others' as effortlessly as always.

* * *

The knock on the door sounds a little earlier than she'd been expecting, and she tries not to frown from the kitchen. Chuck, from his position on the floor, playing one of Amy's new board game things with her, looks over Sarah's way, and she sets down the bowl in her hand and smiles.

"Would you mind getting that?"

He shakes his head kindly, stands, and Sarah looks around the kitchen, hoping she's just about got everything ready. Amy hadn't had any specific requests for her birthday lunch party, she'd just wanted it to be bright and colorful, so along with the bright chopped fruit and vegetables, with colorful dips, everything else is in rainbow colored bowls or platters, scattered along the counter.  
Just as Sarah thinks she's finished, she remembers the plates, and reaches into a cupboard for the stack of brightly patterned paper plates and cups she'd bought specially for the occasion.

Chuck opens the door just as Sarah pats herself down and brushes off any stray crumbs, and she looks up to see Amy standing by Chuck's side, hand in his, looking up at Ellie and Devon and Morgan as they greet her with smiles.

She heads their way, catches the conversation.

"Are you having a nice birthday?" Ellie asks, voice kind, and Amy nods.

"Yeah, it's awesome!"

"Indeed!" Devon cheers, fistbumping the four-year-old just as Sarah reaches them.

She leans in, a hand on Chuck's back, the other ruffling Amy's hair.  
"Hey, guys," She grins. "Come on in."

Stepping back, Chuck moves back too, and Amy races into the living room, shifting her new game away a little to make a little more space. Sarah smiles at her thoughtfulness.

Ellie steps up to Sarah, smiles.  
"Thanks for inviting us, the place looks amazing,"

Sarah tries not to sigh in relief. While Chuck had been keeping Amy occupied, Sarah had been running around hanging up more decorations to make it seem more like a party. She'd even put on a CD, one of Amy's favorites, filled with kid's songs, and she's playing it low. It's easy for her child to think the streamers and bunting are good, but when another adult does, Sarah finds it much more of a relief.

She grins.  
"Thanks. And believe me, we're glad to have you,"

Ellie chuckles, hugging her briefly before stepping away. There's a bag in her hand, shiny and gold like it holds a gift, and Sarah tries not to raise an eyebrow. She hadn't known her friends were going to bring a present for Amy, and she's rather flattered that they'd think to do that. With eyes like a hawk, Amy must spy the bag, for she suddenly appears at Ellie's side, tugging on her hand and dragging her to the couch.

Laughing, Ellie hands her the gift.  
"We got you a present, Amy," she says. Where he's standing with Chuck, Morgan suddenly clears his throat, and Ellie frowns a little. "The three of us."

Sarah holds back a snort- Morgan definitely had no part in this gift, but Sarah appreciates that he's trying not to act like he left Amy out.

Amy grins.  
"Thank you!" she says, before even opening it, and Sarah watches, arms folded, suppressing a grin, as Amy wrangles the wrapped item out of the bag, tears open the paper as per usual, while everyone watches. It's a bigger audience than she usually has for opening gifts, and Sarah swears her daughter pauses a little on purpose before turning over the boxed gift, like she's adding in tension. Good grief, Sarah thinks, Amy just turned four and she's already a drama queen.

She does look at the gift eventually, though, and as she runs her little eyes over it she gasps.  
"It's a apron! And a hat, and, and-"

"A little birdie told us you like baking, Amy, so we got you a little baking set," Devon chimes in, beaming, and Amy grins.

"I love it!" She tackles Ellie in a hug, thanking her through giggles, then rushes to Devon and thanks 'Dr Captain Awesome' too, before pausing in front of Morgan, like she's aware he probably didn't quite take part in the gift, but she shrugs and thanks him anyway.

And then she rushes up to Sarah, holding up the gift.  
"Look at it, Mommy!"

Taking it, Sarah does, and indeed sees a little apron, chef's hat, plastic rolling pin and some cookie cutters, along with a tiny book of recipes. It's a sweet gift, and very Amy, she can't help but think. These people know her daughter so well.  
"It's amazing, bug. Do you wanna go put it with your others?" She nods, scurrying away to put the present with all her other ones, and Sarah looks up to see Ellie smiling at her. "That was really sweet, thank you,"

Ellie shrugs.  
"We couldn't come to her birthday party and not get her a gift," She grins, and Sarah chuckles, looking around. She looks over Devon, chatting to Amy, sees Morgan a little ways across the room, and then by the bearded man's side, is Chuck. Her eyes meet his without even trying to, and his gaze is warm and dark, inviting, and aching too.

She clears her throat, forces herself to look away- this is her four-year-old's birthday party, after all.  
"So, is anyone hungry?"

Amy's hand shoots up.  
"Me!"

Everyone laughs and, tension and welcome over with, they start to get food, sit on the couches, chat and talk as they spend time together. While she's collecting a slider and some cucumber sticks for herself, Morgan is also getting food, and Sarah's surprised to find herself in a long conversation with him, half about cooking and half about video game strategy. While she's getting some chocolate-covered strawberries for her and Amy, Devon is refilling his cup, and they chat about how the hospital's been lately. Each time Sarah thinks just maybe she's talked too long, she turns to check on Amy, and each time, someone's talking to her, nobody's leaving her out. She's constantly chatting, giggling, talking about a new toy, where she wants to go on trips (Disneyland is increasingly occurring now that Amy's somehow figured out they're a lot nearer it than they were in New York), and Sarah smiles every time. This is what a family is like, nobody gets left behind. Any friends she'd had in New York who didn't have children too, they didn't understand this, didn't know how to talk to Amy, how to just relax with her. Everyone here, though, they do, and Sarah thanks her lucky stars yet again that she found these people. Found Chuck.

When she's getting another drink, she sees him walking her way, and she waves him over.  
"I think it's time," she murmurs, and he nods.

"Okay." He turns, looks over at the couch. "Ahem, Devon?"

Spurred by the use of his first name, evidently, the doctor turns, eyebrow raised, and when Chuck waves he heads their way.  
"What's up?"

Sarah clears her throat, lowers her voice.  
"Amy's birthday cake is at Chuck's place, we need to go and get it. But we need a distraction so Amy doesn't see it until it's ready."

Devon smirks, nods proudly.  
"Say no more, guys, I got this." He heads over to the couch again, sitting by Amy, politely clearing his throat. She turns from Morgan, looking confused. "Amy, I noticed that game you were playing with Chuck when we got here. D'you think you could show us how to play?"

"Ooh, yeah!" Amy hops up, runs to where she'd moved the game and sets it in the middle of the floor. When she faces away from the door and the kitchen and sits down to play it, Sarah takes that as her and Chuck's cue, and she tugs on his wrist, diving to the exit. She opens the door silently, taking a surprising amount of basic training to do so, and closes it just as quietly when she slips out after Chuck.

He turns to her when they're outside his door, giggles.  
"It's an espionage mission for a cake,"

His words make her stumble a second, and she forces herself to smirk. Because she has been on espionage missions before, of course, for things a little more high-stakes than a cake. But just a little. This is for her daughter, after all, it's very important.  
"We have to guard it with our life." she quips, trying to get over the strangeness of Chuck's words.

Thankfully, he snorts, unlocks his door without picking up on her thoughts.  
"Y'know, sometimes you're super nerdy."

"Coming from you, I think that's a compliment," she says, chuckling as she steps past him into his apartment.

"Oh, it is," he murmurs, and she tries not to falter in her step yet again, this time at the low, low heat of his tone. She swallows, keeps going and heading to his kitchen, and he follows her without making her heart race much more. She tugs open the refrigerator, the front of which is decorated with various Amy-pictures, both drawings and photographs, to find the cake.  
It's not hard to miss. The large box takes up the entire bottom shelf, the top one crammed full of things like Chuck stuffed it all in there when he'd put the cake in. Gently lifting it out, Sarah moves it to his kitchen counter, slipping open the lid.

She grins when she sees the cake, the surface of the top green tier decorated as she'd been told, Amy and the number 4, surrounded by little bright flowers and what seem to be some bees. Some bugs. She smirks at the thought.

"It's perfect,"

Chuck rests his hand on her back as he peers at the giant cake.  
"It is,"

When she turns her head, he's only a few inches away. Close enough that she can feel his breath lightly fanning out across her face. She knows, right now, she could just lean in and let go and kiss him, and thinking on the heat in his voice just moments ago, she also knows she'd very much like to. Instead, she grins again.

"We should get it back, don't want to keep her waiting,"

Nodding, Chuck steps back, and Sarah closes the lid as he hands her his keys before picking up the cake. She steps back through his apartment, past framed photographs on shelves that she recognizes all too well- Thanksgiving, their various snaps from the zoo, the one of him and Amy asleep that she'd given him for Christmas-, until she holds the door open for him, lets him slip out into the hall. She locks his door, then moves to her own, pushing it open silently.

Holding her breath, she raises her hand to tell Chuck to stay as she slips her head into the apartment, spies on the scene. Amy is still facing away, on the floor, playing the game as Devon and Ellie and Morgan all sit around her, and Ellie looks up, winks knowingly, and looks back down.

With a grin, Sarah pushes the door open and steps in, shoes not making a sound, then signals to Chuck, waves him in. He turns away from Amy just in case, crab-walking his way to the kitchen as he hides the big white box from the four-year-old's view, and Sarah closes the door soundlessly again, following Chuck until he stops, sets the box down on the counter. She turns to him, and he giggles.

"Those were some proper spy hand signals, that was so cool!"

She freezes. Again. That's twice in two minutes that he's managed to say something to make her pause, think about her old life. And god only knows how many more casual remarks he could make someday that would also make her freeze up. Someday, he'll notice, and someday, he'll call her out on it, and then she'll have to tell him. But she knows, he deserves to hear it from her as a choice. She swallows, eyes him.

"Actually, um-"

"We should get it out," he says, speaking over her, before turning to her and raising an eyebrow. "Oh, sorry, you go first,"

She bites her lip. She needs to tell him, she knows. But, just as this event isn't the place for getting lost in his eyes, for letting her thoughts run a little wild, this event, her little girl's birthday party, also isn't the place for spilling that she used to be a spy. For explaining to Chuck the danger everyone in this room is in, just by being here. And so she swallows, smiles.

"No, you go," she says, and he shrugs casually.

"I think we'll have to take the sides down to get it out," he says, and she nods, stepping closer to him and slowly slotting open the sides of the box until the cake stands tall, both tiers, and Sarah can see the lion and the further flowers, bugs, and big leaves at the bottom, all shaped from icing. The whole thing is even more impressive than just the glimpse had been.

"I'll just go get the candles," She slips away to her room, where she grabs both those and the digital camera. When she returns, she takes a few photos of the cake before she presses the candles into the top, breaking the smooth icing.

"Oh, hey, d'you want me to take the camera for when you bring the cake over?"

She hums at Chuck's offer, trying to work out the logistics of all this.  
"Actually, could you maybe stay with Ames? She'll need someone to hold her upright while she blows the candles out, with it being this tall." If Amy fell into the cake and smushed it at that moment, Sarah senses the day may go downhill pretty fast.

He laughs.  
"Okay. I'll, um, I'll just go clear the table. I could give El the camera, then?"

"Yeah. We make a pretty good team," she says, with a smile, and he beams before he heads away. Checking the candles again, she gets the lighter from the kitchen drawer, still shielding the cake as she hears Chuck telling everyone to stop with the game because a surprise is coming. When she sneaks a look behind her, she sees everyone shifting to the couch and moving near the coffee table, Ellie with the camera in hand. Sarah lights the candles, checking they're all okay before she lifts the cake steadily, turns and heads toward the group.

Chuck starts the singing before Sarah has to, and she grins as she joins in, rounds the couch and sees Amy's eyes go wide at the cake. It's a reaction worth the expense, the espionage. But then, Amy's always worth everything.

She sets the cake on the coffee table just as the song ends, and when they finish, Amy giggles, and Chuck leans in.  
"Make a wish while you blow out your candles, bug,"

Amy seems to think on it a minute, pulling a face and making everyone laugh, before she nods, leans in, and Chuck holds her steady as she blows on the flames. Sarah helps from behind the cake, too, and soon all the candles are extinguished, tendrils of smoke rising upward. Everyone cheers and claps, and Amy, of course, beams and laughs at all the attention. Sarah can't help but grin.

"I'll go get a knife and some plates and we can dig in, yeah?" When Amy once more giggles, Sarah heads away to the kitchen, getting more paper plates and a large cutting knife. She hears footsteps behind her, though, feels a presence, one she knows very well, and she smiles without even turning around. "We did good."

Chuck hums, steps closer, and she sets the cake things down, turns to look at him.  
"Yeah, I don't think it could've gone any better,"

She smiles up at him.  
"Thank you for helping. And thank you for being here, always," She reaches out, squeezes his arm, and he smiles softly.

"You know I wouldn't wanna be anywhere else." His face falls to something deeper, serious. "Sarah, I-I might not have expected that I'd be here this time last year. But I'm so glad I am."

Something twinges, pangs within her, at his words, how he feels about her still, now, even after all these months of nothing, of basically leading him on, never moving forward. And how he feels about Amy, how those thoughts she'd had this morning that he's been more of a father to her than anyone else, were completely right, and he notices it too.

And so she quickly, so quickly, rises on her toes, cups his cheek, and presses her lips to his, just letting herself taste his warmth, the spark, before pulling away again.

"You know I'm glad too, right?" she murmurs against his mouth, not much more than just a breath. Her hand slips from his cheek to the back of his neck, and even as he makes her heart race she finds a strange, reassuring comfort in running her fingers through the wisps of his hair there. His hands ghost over her hips, feather-light. "I know I don't say it enough, but Chuck, I'm so grateful you're here. I'm so happy, you're here, with us,"

He kisses her softly, so softly, once more, and she thinks that's more of an answer than words could ever be. When he lets her go, she steps back, returning to party mode a little and grabbing the knife and plates, and she moves back to the coffee table. Nobody there eyes her judgingly, and she wonders if they either didn't see her kissing Chuck, or if they did, they don't mind. Since she's hardly going to bring it up herself, she boops Amy's nose as she passes her, and settles for cutting the cake into slices and handing them out as Chuck returns. He sends her a warm, warm smile, and sits down next to Amy once more. Sarah lets the warmth fill her still and keeps dealing with the cake.

When she hands Ellie a slice, the other woman takes her plate with a grin.  
"I took a couple of different pictures, I hope they'll be okay,"

She smiles.  
"I'm sure they're fine, Ellie, thank you,"

With a nod, she turns back to Devon, and Sarah hands out another slice.

And, later, when the party is over and Amy is asleep, another birthday gone, and Sarah looks at those photos, she sees her little girl, staring wide-eyed at her cake, while Sarah grins at them across the way. And she sees Chuck holding Amy as she blows out the candles, a brilliant loving smile upon his face.

And they're perfect. They're completely, completely perfect.

* * *

 **a/n 2:** Gahhh, these three, right? With their feelings and stuff. What a ride. Also, imagine me editing this chapter a couple weeks ago and suddenly realizing that this story lacked Amy wearing any of Chuck's clothes at any point, and then immediately adding in that section where she paints, here. And yes, Sarah did think "like a kid in her dad's clothes". I laughed a tad too evilly when I put that line in, heh. Anyways, if you wanna share your thoughts please drop me a review, and I'll see you guys in a few days for Chapter 17, 'The Beach'! Also, maaybe keep an eye out for something else popping up in the next couple days.

-Kiera :)


	17. The Beach

**summary:** Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they find a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

 **a/n:** Glad you're still here and that so many of you liked the birthday party- and in case anyone missed it, the other day I also posted that piece I mentioned from Chuck's POV! If you're curious about his ideas in this story and haven't read that, it's on my profile, titled _Great Possibility_. My head's in a bit of a funny place with my writing in general and my writing of this fic right now, and life's getting pretty hectic in other ways (preparing to move continents has that effect), but we continue on with the main story here. I figured beaches are so important to Chuck and Sarah in canon I at least had to have _a_ beach, if not _the_ beach in this story. Plus Ames, being adorable, of course. By the way, I realized I forgot to mention this a few chapters back, but we're over halfway through this story, now. Hence why things with Chuck and Sarah keep getting a tad more tricky for them to ignore. If you like this chapter then, as ever, please let me know, I love hearing from y'all!

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Chuck, sunscreen, bikinis, or Rocky Road.

* * *

 **The Beach**

There is nothing more relaxing, Sarah thinks, than the sound of waves on a beach. Soft swishes as they crash onto the shore, climbing up the sand. She peels open an eye, watches the sun glint on the sea, flickering and shining, feels the heat bearing down on her, thick and pulsing. Perhaps, rather selfishly, this is one of the reasons she's so glad they moved to LA. Winter barely happened here, spring lasted two seconds, and now they're right back into glorious heat, even if today is rather uncharacteristically warm.

She looks down at her wrist, shifting the charm bracelet away from her watch so she can see the time. Since it's around what she'd expected, she looks across at her daughter.

"Baby, c'mere, you gotta get more sunscreen on,"

Amy looks up from the sandcastle palace she's building, pushes her sunglasses up her nose with the back of her hand.  
"Already?"

"Mmhm," Sarah says, nodding. "You don't wanna burn, come on,"

Standing precariously, the four-year-old hops around the various sandcastles she's built, shaking sand from her hands as she makes her way to Sarah. She grins up at her mother as she sits down in front of her, and Sarah smirks, taking Amy's hat off and reaching for the bottle of sunscreen. She sprays it on and rubs it in around Amy's little swimsuit, as the little girl looks up to the sky with a smile.

"I love the beach, Mommy,"

She smiles, taps Amy on the nose with some sunscreen.  
"I love it too, Ames, I'm glad you suggested coming here today," Amy giggles proudly, and Sarah chuckles. "Sunglasses off," she orders, and Amy does as asked, squeezing her eyes shut as Sarah rubs in the cream on her face, before letting go, and Amy immediately puts the shades back on. Sarah replaces the hat, too, tapping it into place.

"All done?"

"All done. Go back to your castle, Queen Ames," She nods her head in a bow, hamming things up for her little girl.

Giggling at that, Amy stands, hopping back around her creations before dedicatedly starting on a new wing of the palace, and Sarah grins at the sight as she wipes her hands on a towel.  
She's being honest, she is glad Amy asked to come here today. When they'd both woken up, hot and sticky from the heat that had descended overnight, and the sun was boiling in through the windows, Amy had suggested they go to the beach. Sarah had said yes on a whim, changing Amy into her suit and pulling a shirt and shorts over her, she herself changing into a bikini and a sundress, and grabbing their many beach things. It's been too long since they relaxed like this, had a good day out and not just stayed inside all weekend, and it's nice, it's fun, and more importantly it feels good. She reaches for her water bottle, about to take a sip, but her phone begins to ring and she frowns suddenly, reaching for it, and hoping it's not work.

It's not. It is, though, Chuck, and she smirks a little as she flips open the phone.  
"Hey, Chuck,"

He laughs down the line, warm as ever.  
"Hey."

"Are you okay?" she asks, trying to work out just why he may be calling them. If it's just for a casual chat, she'd hardly mind, but it could be for something more.

"Yeah, I, uh, I was just wondering where you guys are, I knocked on your door but you didn't answer,"

"Oh," She grins at that, that he'd come over unplanned, even if they're not home. "Sorry, we're out. It's such a nice day Amy decided we needed to come to the beach,"

"Well, that explains things," He chuckles, and she grins down the line. "Which beach?"

She tells him, but then pauses.  
"Why? Do you wanna join us?"

"Well, I wouldn't mind…" he says, almost-cheeky lilt in his tone, and she knows that's exactly why he was asking. "You mind if I come down?"

She grins, shaking her head though he won't see her.  
"No, sure, Amy would love it." And Sarah knows she will, too. She's just glad he sort of asked too—so often, she worries that she's just stringing him along, here, or that that's what he'll think of her. Kissing him, being close to him, his hand in hers, she so often wonders what he must think of all that. But when he's asking to spend time with them, when it's on his terms, she worries a little less. This is him asking to spend time with them, wanting to spend time with them, this is certainly mutual.

He laughs, and she smiles yet again.  
"I know, but you sure _you_ won't mind me crashing the party?"

"Of course not, Chuck," she says, a little surprised he's even asking. "It's you."

There's a long, weighted pause, where she knows he's processing her words, and then he clears his throat.  
"Okay."

"Alright," she murmurs in reply. "We're not too far from the parking lot, Amy didn't want to walk far. There's an ice cream stall just down the street, and we're by an umbrella. Amy's making a palace of sandcastles."

"Oh well now that, I have to see," He snorts. "I'll be there in a half hour, you need anything?"

She checks, but they're good, snacks, water, sunscreen.  
"No, we'll be fine. All we need is you."

He pauses yet again, and she realizes quite how weighty her words must sound without even meaning them to. With a hum, though, he continues.  
"I'll see you in a bit, then,"

"Bye, Chuck," She grins, and he hums softly down the line.

"Bye,"

Setting down the phone, she sips on her water, and smiles at Amy, still studiously patting down sandcastles, decorating them gently with shells.  
"Ames, did you hear that?" Amy looks over at her, shaking her head. "Chuck's gonna come meet us here."

Amy gasps, looking around at her palace.  
"I need to get to work," she declares, phrasing so adult Sarah bursts out laughing, drawing them a few looks from other beach goers. She just shrugs them off, watching Amy a little longer, then reclines back, leaning on her elbows and crossing her legs at the ankles, and letting the sun warm her for a while. Reassured that Amy's safe by her side, she even slips her eyes shut, just for a moment.

Until at that very moment, a shadow crosses over her, something blocking her sun. For a second the cold darkness makes her panic, but she hears a quiet laugh and realizes just what's in her way.

"If it isn't my favorite people," says a voice, and Sarah snorts as she opens her eyes and looks to Chuck, seeing him standing above her, grinning down. He's in shorts and a t-shirt, a baseball cap squashed over his curls, sunglasses on, and he looks _good_.

"Chuck!" Amy squeals, standing up, but Sarah watches as she pauses, looks around. She's surrounded by sandcastles, no path available to get out. "Uh oh."

Chuck laughs softly.  
"You trapped yourself in, bug!" Moving out of Sarah's sun, he heads toward Amy, and Sarah pushes herself up to sit as she watches Chuck reach out for the four-year-old with his long arms, lifting her up high so she clears the various sandcastles, then setting her back down on the ground. "Wow, this is impressive."

Amy giggles.  
"You like it?"

"I think it's a feat of architectural engineering," he says, and Amy blinks, clearly lost at the big words. He chuckles, tickles her side. "I love it, Ames,"

She grins, looks to Sarah.  
"Did you hear that, Mommy?"

Sarah sits up, shifts her sundress so she can curl her legs underneath her.

"I did. It's a beautiful sandcastle palace, baby," Amy giggles again, walking over to her, and Sarah hands her her purple plastic water bottle as she sits in the sand by her side. Chuck flops down too, and Sarah sends him a grin. "Hey," she murmurs, and he sends her a warm, melting grin that makes something thump a little in her chest.

"Hi," He laughs, and she just watches him for a moment, drinks him in. This man, this presence in their lives that she cares for so much. His smile, his light. Right by her side, just hanging out on a hot day at the beach.

"Did you get the day off?" she asks, after a moment of staring.

He hums, stretches out his long limbs.  
"Yeah. I worked until closing last night, though, and then Morgan wanted to play Call of Duty, so it was a late night,"

She snorts.  
"That's why you weren't knocking on our door until past lunchtime, then?"

He grins a little sheepishly, shrugs.  
"Sometimes I'm bad at being functioning adult, don't judge me,"

Sipping her water again before setting it aside, she reaches for her sunscreen, knowing she should probably top herself up, too, if only to set a good example for Amy. Though she doesn't think they'd burn easily, she and her daughter are both fair-skinned, with blonde hair and blue eyes, and she always likes to be as safe as possible with her little girl. Chuck is much more olive in complexion, dark hair and eyes a shade of brown she's always a little captivated by, and Sarah swears his skin is even a little more tan than it was last time she'd seen him, like the recent super sunny days have had an effect already.  
She waves the sunscreen bottle at him once she's done, finishing rubbing the block into her shoulders.

"You need some?"

"Oh, I-"

"You _have_ to wear sunscreen, Chuck," Amy states, reciting the words she's heard from her mother often as she plays with her hat a little. "It's important."

He chuckles, takes the bottle from Sarah.  
"Okay. You're right, it is very important." He slathers a little on his arms almost placatingly, then hands the bottle back. "Have you guys been swimming yet?"

Amy nods enthusiastically.  
"Before I made my castles. Do you wanna go?" she asks excitedly, but Chuck laughs softly.

"I'm sorry, bug, I came straight from home, I don't have any swimming clothes." Sarah wonders why she feels a little relief at that. Chuck, just in swim trunks, hair damp, water running down his chest. She gulps a little. It's been a long time. He turns to her, raises an eyebrow. "But, uh, I can stay here with your stuff, if you guys wanna go again?"

Sarah shifts her sunglasses up on her head, narrows her eyes a little Chuck's way.  
"You're sure?"

"'Course," he shrugs a shoulder. "It's no big deal if you wanna go back out there."

"Can we, Mommy? Please?" Amy pouts a little, and though Sarah would rather not since she spent a good amount of time trying to keep Amy from just running off into the sea earlier today, she knows she can't resist her daughter that well. She nods, and Amy grins, scrambling to stand up. She knows well enough not to run away just yet, though, and Sarah sends her an impressed look as she stands herself, slips her flip flops off and tosses her hat where she was just sitting.

"We won't be too long," she says to Chuck, and he pulls a face, waves a hand.

"Eh, take your time."

Nodding, though disagreeing- he came here to spend time with them, after all-, she steps away with Amy before remembering she's still wearing her sundress, and slips it off, tossing it onto the sand. She forces herself to keep looking ahead as she heads down to the water with Amy, slipping her shades back on. But she knows, she's just in a bikini, and it's completely warranted since it's a hot day and they're on the beach and she's going into the sea, but it still seems a lot, to be wearing so little in front of Chuck with whatever they have together. She both wants him to be looking away, so things won't be awkward, and wants him to be watching, too, though she can't exactly address why. She's attracted to him, and she's ninety percent sure he's attracted to her, but if he was watching her, she can hardly act on what that would make her feel. In general, because of the perpetual forces keeping them apart and her desire to keep him safe, but also because, they're in public right now, and her actions probably wouldn't be very decent.

Thankfully, as ever, Amy is there, and they keep walking around other beachgoers before they reach the water. The little girl squeals as the waves ebb up to them, cool and foamy beneath their feet. She jumps, splashes around, and Sarah chuckles as she keeps Amy upright, watches for any big waves that might knock her over.

"Best day ever!" Amy cries, as she dives into the water with a gleeful squeal, and Sarah smirks, reaching for her.

"C'mon, I'll carry you out a little ways," she says, turning around, and Amy hops up onto her back, Sarah stepping out into the water. She walks slowly, Amy looking around and noticing more things the farther out she goes, and though she only stops when the water pools around her waist, Amy still gasps anyway, the vast ocean ahead of them impressing her. She leans back, and twists around.

"Mommy, Mommy, I can see Chuck!"

Sarah turns to face the way they came, and sure enough, there on the shore, Chuck is grinning at them. Amy waves so enthusiastically Sarah has to reach up and hold her waist to keep her from toppling into the sea, but Chuck waves back, and Sarah grins.

Letting Amy slip down, she holds her under her arms as she paddles for a while, before they slowly head back to the shore, Amy once more jumping and splashing and giggling when they return to the sand, getting a few awws and looks from the sunbathers nearest the sea.

When Amy eventually starts to tire, panting a little, Sarah smirks.  
"Let's get back to Chuck, baby, okay?"

Amy nods, but evidently her exhaustion isn't as bad as Sarah had thought, for she instantly tears her way through the sand, shrieking with giggles, and Sarah laughs as she chases after her. Since Amy has the advantage, though, she reaches Chuck first, tackling him in a hug so ferocious he topples backward, and Sarah catches up just in time to hear Amy squeal.

"She's gonna get me!" she shrieks, and Chuck sits up, instantly shifting Amy so she's very badly hidden behind his back.

Sarah puts her hands on her hips, plays along.  
"Chuck, have you seen Amy?" She puts a false, teasing question into her voice, tone a little high-pitched and curious.

"Who?" he asks innocently, grinning widely. Amy giggles, loud, but Sarah keeps the game up.

"You know, Amy. She's about this high," She raises a hand in the air. "Blonde, likes to run away from me a lot."

Chuck tilts his head in fake curiosity, furrowing his brow a little.  
"Oh, _oh_ , Amy, that Amy." He nods, then smirks, shrugging his shoulders. "I can't say I've seen her, no,"

Amy giggles, popping her head around Chuck's back.  
"I'm here!"

Sarah gapes and laughs, leaning down and tickling Amy's side briefly.  
"There you are!" She boops her nose, somehow feeling lighter in this moment than she's felt in months. She smirks down at her little girl, full of love. "Hey, bug, d'you want a treat? D'you want some ice cream?"

"Yeah!" She cheers, and Sarah chuckles, reaching for her purse and grabbing some cash.

"Okay, you stay with Chuck, I'll be right back,"

Grinning at them both, she heads up and across to the ice cream stall not far away. As she joins the little queue, she can still see Chuck and Amy clearly, chatting away about something. It's only when she stands waiting in line, though, that Sarah realizes she's still in just her bikini, not having put her sundress back on. It makes sense, really, she's still a little damp and the dress would cling to her, and everyone around her is in similar attire, but it still feels a little exposing, a little uncomfortable, and she resists the urge to hug her arms to herself as she moves forward in line. And yet, she realizes, the whole time she'd just been standing there talking to Chuck, his gaze hadn't strayed from her eyes once.

Though that thought eases her discomfort a little, however, it immediately increases again when someone joins the line behind her, and she hears a low whistle. A man appears at her side, tall, blonde, chiseled, a little like Devon in physical appearance but also looking a lot less friendly, a lot more leering.

"Hi there," he says, and Sarah just nods, keeps looking forward. "I'm Brad,"

Trying not to roll her eyes at the somehow typical frat boy name, she breathes a sigh of relief when the person in front of her leaves, and she steps up to order.  
"Three Rocky Roads, please, two in the waffle cones and one in a cup,"

Brad appears by her side again, humming, and Sarah sends him a look to back off. He doesn't take it, just grins. It's wide and fake and creepy.  
"Rocky road, great choice," At the most unimaginative thing probably ever said, she nods again, and the server sends her a sympathetic look. She wonders how often this sort of things happens when people are just waiting to get their ice cream. "You never told me your name."

She doesn't suppress the look of disdain, this time.  
"Nope," she says, willing the server to go faster. There's only one ice cream cone done, though, and she sighs. "I didn't."

"Aw, c'mon, don't be like that,"

She turns to him, noting how his eyes instantly drift lower, and she clears her throat sharply, sternly.  
"I'm seeing someone," she lies, because somehow that's one of the few lines that work to get men away from her in moments like this. Like they only respect refusal if it's because of another man, and not just refusal itself. Like that somehow surpasses the very clear not-interested signals she's been sending, here.

"Hey, hey," he says, his faux-soothing somehow just as creepy as the rest of him, hands up. "So, uh, are those ice creams for you and your... friends?"

She rolls her eyes, relieved to see the server finishing with the tub, the two cones done with. She puts cash up on the counter before the girl is even done.  
"Nope, they're for me and my boyfriend and our daughter,"

It's another lie, but she kind of likes it, this time.

At that, Brad's eyebrows raise, and Sarah knows she's succeeded, more or less. Dropping the bombshell of having a child tends to have this effect. He still looks her up and down as she reaches for the ice creams, though, and she groans as she has to juggle them a little. Thankfully, even though rather rudely, he doesn't offer to help.

But as she heads back to Amy and Chuck, she can still feel his eyes on her back, lower back, to be precise, and she rolls her eyes again as she steps back onto the beach, bringing up a smile for Amy. Chuck takes one of the waffle cones right away, and Sarah sends him a thankful, real smile, as she sits by his side and hands Amy her little cup, complete with a tiny plastic spoon in it. The little girl dives in after a hurried thank you, and Sarah releases a deep breath.

Chuck shifts next to her, leaning in, reaching behind her to brace himself.  
"Was that guy bugging you?" he murmurs, clearly trying to keep his voice low for Amy's sake.

"A little. I handled it, though," she says, and Chuck nods, but she sees him look over her shoulder, head turning a little as he does so, and his expression hardens into something of a frown. It's not difficult to guess why. "Wait, is he watching us?"

Chuck nods again, just a bit.  
"Yup. And he doesn't seem to be moving, though he's trying to be subtle and totally failing," She flips her hair over her shoulder, pretending she needs to, as she scouts Brad's location, and easily sees him still up on the road, leaning on the railing and doing a horribly bad job of looking casual.

"Ugh, take a hint," she mutters, then looks back at Chuck. "Which I gave him several of, by the way, and I pretended you and I were dating, and he's still like this."

Cheeks flushing a little, Chuck raises an eyebrow.  
"You told him that?"

"Um. Well, yeah," she says, smiling a little sheepishly. In the moment, it had seemed obvious, but she knows to Chuck it could just look like she'd used him as an excuse. "Sorry, I-I just thought then he might realize I'm not interested, but…" She sighs, wondering quite how to fix this. She looks at Amy, seeing her still engrossed in her treat, then looks back to Chuck, finding him smiling at her softly.

"It's okay," he murmurs, and she swallows, strangely wishing she could see the look in his eyes, right now. His sunglasses are too dark to gauge his mood, though.

Just earlier she'd been thinking how she doesn't want him to feel she's leading him on, but right now, here she is, having told a stranger that she's dating Chuck. The very man she's restrained herself from dating for months now. The very man who has a lot of feelings for her, who she has a lot of feelings for, too, who she knows she's treating awfully. And she can only think of one thing, one way to get Brad-the-Creep to go away, right now. She has to adopt a cover, she has to lean into this concept she's created, and there's one way to do that best. And she doesn't quite know how to ask Chuck to do this, if she even could. She tilts her head, gnawing on her lip, and suddenly Chuck's leaning in a little.

"Well, as your…man," He bounces his eyebrows at the word, probably to let her know he's joking, which she already knew, and she giggles a little at his silliness. "I could think of one thing that might put off anyone else."

"And what's that?" she murmurs, and he shrugs.

"Feel free to say no, honestly, I'd get it, but…" He leans in even more, and she somehow knows, his idea is exactly what she's been thinking, too. She's leaning in too before he can even ask her. "I could kiss you," he breathes, and despite herself, despite figuring he'd been thinking this very thing, her own breath hitches. If she says yes, if they do this, it'll be a lot to deal with, for both of them, and she needs to make sure that he's not just doing this for her. That he actually wants to, too.

"Are you sure?"

He licks his lips, and her eyes dart down to them without even thinking.  
"Yeah. I mean, if, if you're okay with it," he says, shrugging. "Maybe he can't take a hint, but he might get it now,"

Swallowing, she shrugs too, trying to be as light with all this as it feels like Chuck is being. By the hint of tension in his frame, though, his slightly rushed breathing, she knows he realizes what this means for both of themselves as much as she does.  
"If you're okay with it too, then... maybe it's worth a shot," she murmurs, and he just looks behind her, only for a second, and then his expression hardens a little once more, jaw setting—Brad must still be there.

And then, wordlessly, Chuck dips his head, moves closer, and she feels his hand press against her bare back suddenly, grainy from the sand but still hot and sparking too. He smiles the tiniest bit, soft, reassuring, and when Sarah brings her free hand up to rest on his chest she doesn't think it's to sell this lie, this little cover they've created. His heart racing away under his shirt, under her touch, seems to concur.

When her lips meet his, she's smiling, and she falls into his warmth as he kisses her.

It's simple, sweet and decent, but not as brief as the few kisses they've exchanged since Thanksgiving, no, here their lips move against each others', here his hand presses into her back, bringing her nearer, here her own hand slips from his chest to his collar to the beginnings of his curls at the nape of his neck, quickly becoming one of her favorite attributes of his. Here she feels something pass, easy and loving, between them, there's no sadness, no intense intense heat (though there is some heat, rising in her chest, up and up and up), but there's just affection, and understanding.

He pulls back, but she tilts her head up and steals another kiss before he moves away entirely, all but his hand, still on her back. She's amazed how well-placed it is, right in the center of her spine, low enough to be holding her but not so low it could make her uncomfortable (it really wouldn't, but he doesn't know that), and yet again she's struck by just what an amazing guy Chuck Bartowski is. Especially when she's just met the antithesis of him. And there's only one man she'd want to kiss, and that's Chuck.

She grins at him, but as he returns it he looks down.

"Oh, sh- shoot," he says, cutting off a curse, pulling away and desperately licking up the various trails of his ice cream that, during their kiss, have decided to make a bid for freedom down his hand.

Amy looks up, apparently for the first time. Her face is completely covered in chocolate, of course, but she just giggles, throwing her head back.  
"Silly, Chuck,"

Sarah snorts as she agrees, but she's just as guilty a culprit here. Looking at her own ice cream, she sees she's luckier, somehow, hers has only just dripped to the cone, and she cleans it up easily before finally tasting the ice cream. It's good. Almost worth the hassle, really. But as cliché and somewhat cheesy as it is to think, as good as the ice cream tastes, Chuck tasted better. And as she licks her lips, she's not sure which taste it is she's trying to reclaim.

A few bites in, she looks around, and Brad is nowhere to be seen. She'd almost forgotten why she and Chuck had kissed in the first place.

"Hey, it worked," She grins, and Chuck looks up and around, grinning eventually too. When he looks back at her, though, he smiles a little softer, chuckles.

"You have some ice cream on your nose and it's totally adorable," he says, affection thick in his voice.

Frowning, she tries to stare down at the offending mark, but when she inevitably fails, Chuck reaches out with a soft laugh, brushes his thumb over the very tip of her nose, and she wrinkles it when he pulls away.

Amy giggles.  
"You look like a bunny, Mommy,"

Sarah smirks, wriggles her nose again, and Amy nods.

"Nah, I'm thinking more Bewitched," Chuck chimes in, and Sarah turns to him, raises an eyebrow.

"If we're done talking about my nose?" He clears his throat, looking sheepish, and she smirks, looking back at Amy. "Well, bug, you look like a chocolate monster,"

Amy giggles, just eating more ice cream, and since she knows there's no point in cleaning her up until the ice cream is done, Sarah shakes her head amusedly, grinning at her. Chuck laughs by her side, and Sarah turns to him, smiling. Silently, he reaches out his free hand, wiggling his fingers a little ridiculously, and she slips her hand into his, feeling as he tugs her a little nearer. Though he may just mean to shift her closer, she keeps going, shuffles next to him so she can rest against his side, and when she looks up at him he smiles and nods and she leans her head back against his shoulder. His hand lets go of hers, but it's to gently rest on her hip, a whisper of a touch. A shudder runs through her anyway, and she stays that way until they finish eating, moving only, only, because she has to.

* * *

"I don't wanna leave it," Amy says sadly, and Sarah sends her a sympathetic smile.

"I know, baby. But Chuck took plenty of pictures, we'll remember it,"

Amy sniffs, looking at her sandcastle palace forlornly. Sarah's impressed; not one castle had fallen all day, and she's just kept adding and adding to it all, both Chuck and Sarah helping out. There's a moat they'd scraped out and filled with water trailed up in buckets from the sea, a sticks-and-shells drawbridge, a little flag on one tower- Chuck had really added the nerdy touches.

Now, he leans down, scoops Amy up.  
"I know it's sad, bug. But it's summer- you'll have plenty of time to come back here and build a new one. Maybe an even better one!" He grins, but Amy just manages a little smile in reply. Sending Sarah a look, to which she sighs, he heads her way, and she double-checks her bag to make sure she's got everything before they head up the beach. Chuck stops, lets Amy have a last look, and Sarah watches as the little girl nuzzles into Chuck's neck comfortingly. He kisses her head as they keep walking, and his free hand finds Sarah's, squeezing tight.

Amy will get over it, she knows, in fact she'll probably be fine by the time they reach the car, but it's never easy when the four-year-old is in a funk neither of them can get her out of. If even Chuck can't manage that, it really can seem hopeless.

"Well, I had a really nice day," Chuck says, as they're walking, and Sarah grins at him. "Thank you for letting me come hang with you guys. Thank you for letting me play, Ames,"

The little girl hums, playing with the neck of Chuck's t-shirt.  
"S'okay," she murmurs, voice a little muffled, and Sarah feels Chuck's hand squeeze her own.

She clears her throat as they get into the parking lot.  
"You headed home now?"

"No, I'm actually going to Ellie and Awesome's, we've got dinner tonight. Morgan will, probably just turn up through my old window." he says with a smirk, and Sarah knows there's something she's missing out on.

"The window?" she asks, raising an eyebrow and laughing a little.

He chuckles, nods.  
"Yeah- have I never mentioned it before?" She smirks and shakes her head, and his eyes boggle a little. "Wow. Well, Morgan always just used to let himself into my old apartment through the window in my bedroom, when I was still there. He'd just show up for gaming, or dinner, sometimes even breakfast. He called it his Morgan Door,"

Amy giggles.  
"Morgan door," she repeats, amused by the phrasing, and Chuck smirks Sarah's way.

"As you can imagine, Ellie hated it. At least we're a lotta floors up so he can't do it in my new place, and thankfully he doesn't keep doing it at the old place now I've moved out," He grins, then frowns a little, pouting somewhat and looking like a realization is dawning for him. "At least, I don't _think_ he keeps doing it now. God, I hope he doesn't. I think Ellie locks the window so he can't, anyways,"

Chuckling at the horror Chuck's sister would probably find in Morgan showing up unannounced, Sarah slows as they reach her car, and she rifles in her bag for her keys before unlocking it. She strokes Amy's back, hand brushing Chuck's arm where he still holds the little girl up.  
"Okay, say goodbye to Chuck, Ames, we'll see him another day."

The Morgan Door having cheered her up at least a little, Amy shifts, hugs Chuck properly, and he squeezes her in return.  
"Bye, Chuck," she says, nuzzling into him. "Love you."

At that, Chuck's eyes immediately dart to Sarah's, just for a moment, before he looks back at the little girl. Maybe he's looking for a silent sign that this is okay, maybe he's just wondering what she makes of it, because they all know that where last time Amy had said this she'd been on the verge of sleep, exhausted and perhaps not thinking, now she's awake, very awake, and she knows exactly what she's said. But Sarah had been absolutely fine with it then, and she's the same now. She understands why Amy loves Chuck, she understands why she's telling him naturally, when leaving, similar to the way she tells Sarah the same thing when she drops her off at daycare every week. It's just what she thinks she should do.

Chuck clears his throat.  
"Love you too, bug. I'll see you later, okay?" He hands her over to Sarah, avoiding her gaze as he does so, and she quickly buckles Amy into her car seat in the back before closing the door, standing up again, folding her arms. Chuck looks at her, finally, and raises an eyebrow, nods to Amy. "She'll be okay?"

"She'll be over it before we get back home, I promise," she says, nodding, because she knows how her daughter works with these things. "But thank you for taking some pictures, and helping her with it, that was very sweet."

He shrugs a shoulder.  
"It's what I do."

And it is. Even if, like he'd said on Amy's birthday the other week, he never thought he'd be here even a year ago. But now that is what he does, making Amy feel better, having fun with her, making memories, saving those. That's what Chuck does.  
"I know. And that, among a lot of other things, is why she loves you." His eyes widen a little, and she lifts a shoulder, smiles at him a little wryly. He probably knew the moment he met Amy that nobody can control what that little girl thinks or does. She's her own person, with her own hates, and her own loves, and Sarah adores her for it. "Y'know, it's okay, Chuck."

"I..." He trails off, and she tries not to frown in sympathy for him. God, what he must be thinking, going through. As she's noted before, he hardly asked for this, hardly expected to become so loved by a four-year-old. And yet, before her, he just nods, smiles softly, if still a little awkwardly. "Yeah,"

She nods, slowly, and moves on to the other thing she knows they have to talk about, if only to not keep Chuck in this spot.  
"Oh, and I wanted to say; thank you for, um," She clears her throat. "Helping, with that guy."

"Well, he was an asshole," Chuck says, not even batting an eyelid, a strange calm coming over his features. "And since Amy's in the car I can say that now. But seriously, totally creepy, I'm sorry you had to deal with that."

It's not the first time, and Sarah knows it won't be the last, but it's never something enjoyable, never something that fails to make her uncomfortable, and she's glad she didn't have to deal with it more, that Chuck was enough to send him away.  
"You helped." she insists, and he shrugs before her.

"Yeah, well I wanted to go punch him- or at least hold him while you punched him. But that might've been over the line,"  
His tone is light, but she sees he's perfectly serious. Which, for someone as kind and passive as Chuck is, is a little startling. She swallows, doesn't dwell on it.

"A little." She shrugs, looks at him a little cheekily and tries to lighten everything. "But it would've been fun to watch,"

He chuckles, lips stretching into that wide grin she so loves, where his eyes and nose crinkle so cutely, and he nods, swallows, steps back.  
"I'll see you Friday? If not before?"

She smiles.  
"Of course." It's her favorite time of week.

A little hesitantly, she sees, he steps in, arms lifting, and she steps into him and hugs him close, smiling into his shoulder when his arms encircle her immediately, pulling her against him, always so reassuring, so familiar. Every time she hugs him it feels a little more like coming back to something she knows, something like home.

Stepping back, because she has to, she murmurs a quick goodbye and steps away, watching as he moves back and lets her slip into the driver's seat. When she pulls out of the parking lot, he's still there, watching, and he waves briefly, soft smile upon his lips. Amy returns it enthusiastically, shouting goodbye, and Sarah just bites her lip to stifle a grin as they drive away. But even amongst all that, she can't help but feel, somehow, that driving away from him doesn't quite feel right. To spend the day together but then have to leave, not just stay with him like they would do if they were truly a family, it feels so strange, so alien though they've done it before, so many times. Something about today, or maybe today after the changes they've gone through recently, like with Amy's birthday, their kisses that day and today, something makes this feel even stranger than usual. She likes it even less than usual, leaving him.

She just swallows, listens to Amy's sweet singing from the back, and wonders quite what it means that she's liking walking away from Chuck Bartowski less and less. As a habit, now, she watches the road for tails, eyes the streets for people watching, the whole way home. And she wonders just when she'll ever get be normal.

* * *

 **a/n 2:** So, not quite a cover-kiss, but a little like one. I actually really love Chuck and Sarah's cover moments like that, the kisses, the fake dates, their little interactions, they kinda fascinate me, so I loved managing to put one of those moments in this story even just to ward off a creep. But bless Queen Ames and her sandcastle palace. If you fancy leaving a review, please do, and up next, Chapter 18, 'The Memory', for a lil more opening up.

-Kiera :)


	18. The Memory

**summary:** Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they find a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

 **a** **/n:** I don't seem to have much to say in this note, I'll probably ramble more in my second one down at the bottom. But I will say that this chapter, while maybe not being as eventful as the last few, was still one I felt I had to write- there was too much shared to smush it all into a later chapter, but I felt I couldn't just leave it out and leave y'all, and the characters, maybe curious about stuff. As ever, if you like this chapter please leave me a little review as you go. They're so often reassurance to me that there's still sense and purpose in my putting this silly story out into the world.

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Chuck, lullabies, bars, or stories about the past.

* * *

 **The Memory**

The sound of little feet padding along the apartment floor isn't an unfamiliar one to Sarah. Hearing them when she put her daughter to bed twenty minutes ago, though, is a little more unusual, if not totally unexpected tonight.

"Mommy?" Amy asks, and Sarah turns to see her little girl just walking into the living room, hair a mussed-up mess of still-damp curls, pajamas a little rumpled. By Sarah's side, Chuck turns down the TV volume to low.

"Hey, baby, you feeling okay?" she asks, as Amy gets closer. She leans forward, sets her wine down on the coffee table, and Amy keeps walking toward them. She shrugs, hair bouncing a little with the movement, and climbs up onto the couch. Without hesitation, she clambers into Chuck's lap, curls up happily.

"Can't sleep," she mumbles, though even as she speaks she rubs at her eyes sleepily.

Sarah tries not to let her mild amusement show. Amy had been a little resistant, tonight, to go to bed after movie night was over. Chuck had read her her story once more, but Sarah had watched and seen that by the end of the book, Amy was still awake, eyes wide and blinking. Chuck had said goodnight to her and headed back out here like normal, yet more good, inherent initiative on his part, to stick to their routine and encourage Amy to sleep, and Sarah had poured their wine wordlessly when he'd sat back down on the couch. However, she'd somewhat expected Amy to either fight sleep, or wander though here 'not tired' exactly as she has done now. The truth is, even if the little girl hadn't drifted off yet, she's only been in bed for twenty minutes. It's an incredible age of waiting to a four-year-old, of course, but it isn't really that long to try to get to sleep.

Reaching out, Sarah smooths down some of Amy's drying hair.  
"No?" she asks, and Amy shakes her head again, burrowing into Chuck's chest. His arms slip around her, holding her safe, but when Sarah looks up at him she sees him sending her a smirk, eyes a little knowing.

"Can I stay here with you?" Amy asks, trying them both, and Chuck laughs softly.

"Bug, you gotta go sleep in your own bed."

"But I'm not sleepy," Amy pouts a little, and Sarah tilts her head.

"Would some warm milk help?" she asks, and Amy shrugs. "Okay. You stay here with Chuck, and I'll go get you some warm milk, and then we'll get you back into bed, yeah?"

Amy blinks a moment, evidently wondering if that's a good enough deal, then nods.  
"'Kay," she murmurs, and Sarah stands and walks past them both, her hand brushing over Chuck's shoulder as she goes.

It doesn't take too long to warm the drink and coax Amy from Chuck's arms (she even lets go of him with surprisingly little fight) and five minutes later, the four-year-old has drunk her milk and is back beneath her sheets again.

"Okay, baby, I'll see you in the morning," Sarah says, tucking in the blankets a little more, and Amy nods.

"Mmhm," she says, but something in Sarah tells her that's not the end of all this.

She heads back through to Chuck anyway, seeing him still sitting upon the couch, and he chuckles as she nears him.

"For someone who says she isn't sleepy, Sarah, your daughter is looking mighty sleepy,"

She grins, even as she notices a slight damp patch on Chuck's shirt from where Amy's hair had been as she'd cuddled into him. It's the kind of mark Sarah has worn for years, now, the mark of a guardian, like all those patches of food, spit-up, tears, but just a little less gross.  
"I know. She'll be asleep soon, anyway, I think she was just trying to see what we'd do."

"Yeah, I noticed she didn't fall asleep during her story earlier. But I figured she'd be out eventually, I didn't think she'd come through here,"

"She does that, sometimes," Sarah says, shrugging a shoulder, and Chuck nods as he takes that in. "Not often, she's usually a pretty good sleeper now, but with you here, and her still being awake, I'm not surprised she didn't stay in her room."

He flushes a little, reaches for his wine glass, but as he does so Sarah hears footsteps again, and she tries not to roll her eyes knowingly.

"Mommy?" Amy asks, and yet again Sarah looks over. Amy's just standing at the far edge of the room this time, seemingly knowing she's supposed to be in bed so not quite wandering all the way over to them, but still out of her bedroom nonetheless. Sighing, Sarah stands, heading over to her daughter and crouching down in front of her when she reaches her.

"Ames, you gotta go sleep," she says soothingly, trying to make sure the little girl doesn't feel like she's missing out on something, here, with her mother and her other favorite person sitting here talking and watching TV. They've done it before, of course, but those times Amy had been fast asleep and hadn't even known. If that's why she keeps coming through here, to see what she's missing, then Sarah knows the easiest solution would be to have Chuck leave, since then the appeal to stay up would likely ebb a little. But she doesn't want to usher Chuck away, at all, and she's sure there must be a better solution to get her daughter to sleep.

Amy just sighs, though, rubs at her eyes again, looking genuinely tired. Evidently, she really just can't sleep right now, and though the warm milk seems to have made her more exhausted, it hasn't quite been the kicker.  
"I know,"

Reaching out, Sarah cups her shoulders, rubs Amy's arms gently as the little girl almost sways on her sleepy feet. As she does so, a memory from a few years back floods Sarah, and she leans in a little.  
"Do you want me to sing to you? Like I used to, when you couldn't sleep?"

Amy's eyes widen as she nods, and though Sarah doubts her daughter truly remembers the way she'd fallen asleep many times as a toddler, the song being the only thing that would soothe her sometimes, evidently she still remembers something, even just a little. Standing up, she walks with Amy back to her room, scooping up the four-year-old and tucking her in again with soft reassuring murmurs, slipping Dog under her arm, before she brings up the little seat she usually tells stories from. Slipping her hand into Amy's, Sarah clears her throat. Briefly, she wonders if she remembers the lyrics, but she instantly knows, she'll never forget these words.

"Slumber my darling, your mother is near," she starts, and Amy smiles softly against the pillow, hand squeezing hers. Sarah hears the quietest hitch of breath from behind her, feels the hint of a presence, and she smiles back at her little girl as she keeps going. "Guarding your dreams from all terror and fear… Sunlight has passed, and the twilight has gone, Slumber my darling, and the night's coming on…"

She keeps going, drifting into another verse before returning to the first, always her favorite, and by the time she's at the last line again, Amy's hand is loose in hers, eyes closed. The smile is still on her lips. Warm with love at just the sight, Sarah gently tucks the sheets around Amy again, and stands.

"My mom used to sing that to me when I was little," she murmurs, turning around and finding Chuck in the doorway, hands in his pockets, resting a shoulder against the jamb. He's there just as she'd known he was from that first line, she knows he'd heard most of the lullaby. His eyes are warm, a little shiny, and he quirks his lips into a smile at her words. "And then I sung it to Ames when she was a baby. When in doubt…"

"It's beautiful, I'll have to remember it," he says, voice low, as she walks toward him, and she smiles up at him. Why he'd remember it she doesn't quite know, but she likes the idea nonetheless, tucks it away in the back of her mind, for something, someday. "And I didn't know you were a singer, Sarah Walker,"

She snorts a little, grinning.  
"Only of baby lullabies when my daughter refuses to sleep,"

He chuckles softly, stepping back, and she follows him back out to the living room, both of them reassuming the positions they'd been in before—in their usual spots, glasses of wine in hand, Sarah with her feet curled up beneath her. Where earlier they'd been watching TV, though, now, Chuck keeps the volume low, eyeing her, a question and a thought clearly in his gaze.

After a moment or so, he reaches out, slips his hand into hers, thumb running across the inside of her wrist. The move is so smooth and practiced by now it almost steals her breath. Apparently not picking up on her thoughts, he just tilts his head.  
"I, uh, I've been meaning to ask you… And you don't have to answer, really, I just—I guess I'm just curious." He pauses, looking at her, like he's waiting for her to already object, but she wonders how she could, when she doesn't even know what he's going to ask. She thinks even if she did, she'd probably answer Chuck, anyway. She hates keeping things from him, after all, even if she's very aware she's keeping a pretty big something from him, all the time. She lifts a shoulder, open, and he takes a deep breath. "What was he like?"

She blinks at that. She knows who he's asking about, really, nobody else would fit, there's no other 'he' in her life to ask about other than Bryce, and of course, Chuck knows exactly what that man was like.  
"Who?" she asks, making sure, and also putting things off just a moment as she comes to terms with what Chuck is asking.

"Amy's dad,"

She breathes deeply, shifts, brings both feet up on the couch as she plays with Chuck's fingers, the action both absentminded and deliberate to calm her, center her.

This conversation is probably long, long overdue. Because for all he knows about her, her and Amy's past, New York, Chuck has never asked specifics about this, about Mark. And Sarah knows he'll have had questions, been curious, about the man she'd met that day who'd changed her life, her future, unknowingly. Perhaps there's even a part of him, Sarah muses, that's jealous or annoyed or sad, or something along those lines. After all, he knows Mark had charmed her in hours, and she's still holding back here with Chuck. But she also knows he's too kind a man to ever voice such thoughts, even if he's having them. And their relationship is far deeper, far more significant, and much more complex than her and Mark's was.

He doesn't seem those things, though. He just seems curious.

Perhaps tonight, as Amy climbed sleepily into his lap, as he watched Sarah sing her a lullaby, Chuck's just wondering about the father of this little girl. The little girl who, Sarah knows, has all but adopted Chuck as her own by now.

She clears her throat, thinks.  
"He was nice," she starts, because that's always the first thing she thinks of when she thinks back to that night. She swallows, wondering if this is the moment she should explain everything to Chuck, mention her past outright. But she knows he deserves to know this first, know about how the little girl who loves him came to be before Sarah throws her past on him too. The CIA can come after. And so, for now, she swallows. "I'd had a tough day at work. My job then… it was difficult. I had assignment after assignment and I never got a chance to breathe."

He frowns a little, but doesn't say anything, doesn't even ask what that job was, and she bites her lip as the memories come back.

"I was going away the next day, and I wanted to just forget about everything for a little while, that night. So I went to a bar and I ordered two drinks at once, and he was sitting next to me and he made a joke about it. And I just thought, he's nice."

It's strange how clear she can remember it, sometimes. She'd been shaken up, that day, by a meeting with Graham. After briefing her on her next assignment, he'd hinted at her future in the agency, mentioning assertions of her loyalty he'd require, and she knew immediately what he meant. She could put the pieces together. Her Red Test would be on the horizon, somewhere, at some point, and she'd have to take a life to prove her dedication to the agency and the greater good above all else. The test itself could've been months, even years after, but he'd told her, warned her, almost, and it had shaken her.

She'd heard the rumors, amongst other agents, of what happened to those who couldn't go through with it, where they ended up, the kind of assignments they got. The lowest of the low, stuck in far off and often remote and frozen countries for years at a time, viewed as weak and pathetic by their peers. And she'd heard the myths about the protocol of the whole affair, how you'd know where to go, how you'd be all alone. Heard how it changed you, made you cold, a better spy. Until then, she'd had little opportunity to doubt her joining the CIA. It always seemed so much better than the alternative; running from the law, always looking over her shoulder, no sense of purpose or duty. She'd told herself that despite the sketchy missions, the ops she'd been sent on far too young, without backup, despite that, she was helping people, overall, helping the world.

But the prospect of taking a life had turned her stomach in a way she hadn't expected, and she'd wondered, suddenly, if this was why Graham had taken her in all those years ago. If he'd seen the potential in her, to harden, become a killer, an enforcer of his will. An assassin. She'd been close enough to it for months by then. And she knew, when that order came, if she accepted it, she would never be the same person again.

And so she'd taken her next mission orders from Graham, and bolted.  
Found her way to Mark.

Chuck rubs his thumb against her wrist again, drags her back.

"We talked, for a little while. About... nonsense, nothing, I guess, the drinks, the news." She'd never had that before, never gotten the chance to feel so very mundane and normal and boring. Even with the knife tucked into the small of her back the whole time. She shrugs. "Maybe it sounds dull, but after the day I'd had, I liked it,"

He chuckles, and she shifts a little closer to him, into the couch cushions.  
"It's not dull, it sounds... nice."

"That's what he was. I keep saying it, but..." She laughs softly, shakes her head. "I finished my drinks, and then this band or something started playing really loudly, and we could barely hear each other, so he said he knew another place, and we went there and just kept talking. It was quiet... We lost track of time,"

She shrugs as she recalls it, the murmur of conversation in that second place, the warmth she could hear in Mark's laugh, the kindness he'd just exuded, made her feel, too.

And when it got late, and she'd had a couple more drinks, she hadn't wanted it to end.

She clears her throat, eyes Chuck, wonders quite how to explain things to him, why she'd done what she did, then, so unlike her.  
"I, um, I didn't date much, growing up. Like I said, things with my Dad were bad and I moved a lot, and then going straight into a job after high school, it didn't leave much free time. I had a few boyfriends here and there," She holds back a smirk as she thinks of Jake, her partner in seduction class. That hadn't lasted long. And Anthony, a civilian she'd met after her first mission. They'd tried things for a while, but that was when the weight of the lies of her life became so apparent, and when she couldn't explain where she'd disappeared to in the middle of a date, she stepped back. After that, there were a few people here and there, but it was more just quick and occasionally pretty good sex between missions, when she felt like it. No expectations, no strings, no feelings. It had never just been her liking someone enough to not want to leave them. "But nothing that stuck or meant that much. So just meeting someone and then going home with them- it really wasn't my thing."

Chuck frowns a little.  
"Sarah, I don't judge you-"

"No, I know, I know," She squeezes his hand and he squeezes hers right back in return. He'd never judge. "But I think that kind of showed what a big deal it was to me. Normally, in relationships, at least, I'm, I'm quieter and, not that straightforward, but I just told him I liked him and that I was heading out of town the next day, so..."

This is where it's meant to get awkward, she thinks, but Chuck just nods. She supposes he asked the question knowing this would come up eventually.

Mark had kissed her, then, when she'd told him she liked him. And it had been... nice. Not mind-blowing, not disappointing, not even just average, it was simply nice. A good night. She hadn't felt any sparks when their lips had met, no feeling like this was brand new, something she'd never experienced before, unlike a certain kiss with a certain other man, holding her hand right now.

The sex had been fun, which was sort of new to her; fun, and satisfying, if not earth-shatteringly good. It has a special place in her mind, of course, it's the night her daughter was conceived, but she doesn't romanticize it, doesn't remember it as something it wasn't. It was no overly passionate all-night romp, it was just fun sex, and they'd fallen asleep early in the morning, some time. Or, Mark had. Sarah knows she might be a light sleeper anyway now, but back then, she was doubly tense, doubly alert. Basic training was still fresh in her mind, telling her, never be vulnerable, never let down your guard. She'd stayed until around 5am, and left.

She clears her throat.  
"We went back to his place, and I left before he woke up." She pulls a face. "I left a note, but not my number. Not my proudest moment."

Chuck hums, not judgmentally, just thinking, it seems.  
"Why didn't you leave your number?"

Because she was a spy, about to go on a mission. Couldn't have the guy she slept with calling her up for another date while she was halfway around the world being tortured, or taking down a revolution, or whatever. But it was more than that, she supposes.  
"I think it scared me, a little. To have never really done that before. And then the fact that I had to leave anyway. And I liked him, and I knew it would be tough to try anything, with my life then, and not being in the same place as him. But I also knew I _would_ probably want to try something if he could contact me..." She shakes her head, runs her free fingers through her hair. "I don't know, all of that, none of that, I never really know."

Chuck's hand squeezes hers, yet again, a question in his gaze. She nods, lets him know he can ask whatever he's thinking.  
"I- Do you regret that?"

She chews her lip as she thinks on it. It's a question she's asked herself time and time again.  
"I don't know. I don't think so. I regret that he never knew, and I guess I don't like that I handled things so badly, but I don't know if doing things differently would have stopped him dying. I don't like to gamble on maybes, I have a four-year-old out of that," He chuckles softly, kindly, nodding, and she smiles a little. "And I don't know if it would have meant anything different for me and him. Going into it we knew I'd leave the next day. And... eventually, it led me here, so I don't regret that,"

He smiles, and she somehow just knows he's picked up on her meaning, that she doesn't regret being here, with him, now. What happened all added up to get her to this moment, and Chuck, and she wouldn't go back on it, not on a simple what if. Not, maybe if she'd stayed Mark wouldn't have been shot, not, maybe he'd have wanted to be a father, not, maybe Amy would've been raised by the both of them, not, maybe Bryce would never have hurt them, not any of that. This, now, is worth it.

"You said before, you tried to find him?" Chuck says, clearing his throat. "And that's when you..."

"Yeah." She takes a deep breath. "I tried to track him down, I mean, I knew his name, his apartment, and when I tried to find his phone number I came across a newspaper article, with his name in."

She remembers that far too well, the shock, the disbelief- _Local man shot in mugging gone wrong_ , it said, just a tiny section of the front page with a grainy photo. Like it barely mattered. Like it wasn't the father of her unborn child who'd just died.  
But since she'd used CIA files to locate him, and that's how she'd found the article, she'd also noticed it was flagged as cover maintenance, and bile had risen in her throat, not just morning sickness that time.

"It terrified me," she breathes, before she's even really aware of it. Even as she thinks, the memories come flooding back full force, along with the words. "I'd only just found out, that day, I hadn't told anyone, not even my Mom yet. It was all so new, and I felt so alone in it, and I thought, I'll call him and at least he'll know- no matter what he wants to do, at least he'll know and I won't be alone, y'know? And then everything just came crashing down."

"I'm so sorry," Chuck says, and he's apologized before for these things, things related to Mark, but this time she looks up and sees the pain in his eyes and she knows this one means all the more, somehow.

She takes another deep breath, glad tears haven't begun to spring. Because reliving this is almost like being back there, being in her DC apartment, alone, a file falling from her hands and fluttering to the floor, papers flying everywhere, as her future and her hopes and her very foundations were shaken in so many ways. And all that was without knowing the details. No, she'd found out the specifics when she'd marched into Graham's office and stood there, gun in her hand by her side, safety off, voice low and steady and demanding. He'd cracked. Under the very intimidation techniques he'd taught her. A sad kind of irony, Sarah's always thought.

And then she'd quit. Dedicated as she'd once been to her career, her reservations at that point over her potential future Red Test and the missions she was being sent on, were enough for quitting to not seem totally outrageous to her anyway. But with that bombshell, the fact that the father of her child, a complete innocent, probably just too caring, was considered an acceptable loss, collateral damage—that was just enough to put the nail in the coffin and hammer it in a good dozen or so times.

She shakes her head, thinking on what she'd done.  
"I tried calling his family and his friends, but like I said, he had so little family, and though his friends were... sad, and, and kind enough and sorry, they didn't want to do anything. It's not like I was his long-term girlfriend who'd gotten pregnant, I was nobody to them." She shrugs. "And then I called my Mom, and I cried a lot, and she flew right over to me."

Chuck smiles a little lopsidedly.  
"I'm glad you had her,"

"So am I." She smiles, sighs. "So... yeah, that's the story."

"He was nice," he jokes, summarizing, and she snorts a laugh.

"Yeah. But honestly, it could've been any nice person I found that night. Anyone who was just- just kind enough to stop me thinking about work. I mean, it could've been you," Chuck inhales sharply, and she realizes quite what she's said. She pulls a face. "Sorry, that was—"

"It's okay," he says lightly, and she raises an eyebrow. It cannot possibly be okay, her suggesting such a thing when she's still refusing to be with him for real, let alone in a hypothetical scenario. He just lifts a shoulder, though. "Honestly, I know what you were meaning, it's fine."

She tilts her head, tries for the hundredth time to understand this man before her. The fact that he's somehow fine with her suggesting she might've picked him up in a bar one night when she needed someone. It is true, though. If Chuck had somehow been in DC that night, with his kind eyes, cute messy hair, she could've so easily fallen into him, and not Mark, and then where would they be? She has to wonder, if she'd still gotten pregnant, would they be together, raising their child as a couple, content? To her knowledge, Chuck's best friend wasn't a rogue agent, so he probably wouldn't be shot as collateral damage along with them. But one of his friends was Bryce Larkin, of course, so maybe something would've backfired anyway. More to the point, if Mark hadn't been shot, she likely wouldn't have had the extra motivation to quit the CIA. So would she have stayed with the agency as she attempted to raise her child, still being with Chuck but him never knowing who she was? Now, she knows she can't truly be with him without telling him everything about her past, but back then she'd been even more secretive. She doubts she would have been completely honest with him. But maybe his sweetness would have worn down her walls eventually like he's managing to do here, maybe she would've told him but still stayed a spy. She's heard of things like that happening, but usually the agent eventually quits, or it all goes the other way and they leave the child, unable to quit the thrill of the agency life. Or maybe she would have left him and never told him at all, but stayed in the CIA and given Amy up for adoption, parted ways with a child she'd known for nine months and all of five minutes, to go to a new home, to maybe never see her again? Sarah had contemplated it in reality, briefly, being so alone, and so uncertain whether being a mother was something she could do let alone something she wanted. But once she'd given up the CIA for her child, she knew she'd sacrifice anything for her, anything at all.

So, really, who knows what would've happened?

Sighing, she squeezes Chuck's hand again, moves them past her blunder and back to reality rather than rambling fantasies.

"Amy doesn't really look like him," she says, humming thoughtfully. "I've only got one photo of him, and it's funny, the memories are so clear but his face itself is the haziest thing in my mind... But he was dark, brown hair and eyes a little like you. He did _not_ have curls," She snorts, glad when Chuck grins too at her words, isn't weirded out by her comparing the two men.

"So that was a surprise,"

She sends him a flat look. He certainly already knows the curls were unexpected, she's told him before she's clueless as to where they came from.  
"A big surprise."

"She's just your little double with curlier hair," he says, somehow really sweetly, and she grins.

"I think of her as my shadow, sometimes," she admits, and he smiles at that, nose crinkling. "But I think she got her father's build, maybe, tall, thin. Though I suppose that could've come from me, too,"

Or, once more, Chuck. Though she vaguely remembers looking up at Mark when kissing him, she knows Chuck is taller than he was. She didn't have to stretch as much to kiss Mark as she does Chuck, most times. She quite likes that stretch. She's gotten used to it.

"I'd say she got both your character, though, if he was nice, and kind," Chuck says, and she raises an eyebrow. "Well, Amy's an amazing kid, you know that, you know I know that. And, yeah, that's partly how you raised her, and people she's been around, but it's him, too, I'm sure,"

She tilts her head, eyes narrowing just a little in thought.  
"You think that highly of a man you never met?" she asks, not unkindly. Chuck just shrugs.

"Well he must've been pretty great, if you liked him. I've known you a while now, Sarah Walker, and you make great choices." She tries not to scoff at him thinking that, wonder why on earth he's doing so, when he knows she dated Bryce, and Chuck also knows she isn't quite dating him, now. Bryce was a bad choice. Staying away from Chuck is a choice she hates every day. Apparently oblivious to her thoughts, he just continues. "Plus, he's Amy's dad, I couldn't think badly of him if I tried. And he must've been some guy to win you over. "

She licks her lips, looks at him in disbelief. He'll never cease to amaze her, by now she's sure of that.

Turning her hand in his, she runs her thumb over his knuckles.

"Well, I don't know about that," she murmurs, watching their hands, then looking back up at him. "Some guys win me over pretty easily."  
Like saying hello in a hallway, for instance. Or accepting a then-three-year-old's offer to come for cake. No matter how much she fought it then, still fights it sometimes, Chuck won her over a long time ago, won Amy over too.

She squeezes his hand again, and he smiles softly, evidently knowing what she's meaning once more. And then he lets go, stands.  
"I'll go get some more wine," he murmurs, heading through to her kitchen, and she blinks.

It feels like, almost every time they meet, now, something happens. They kiss, or she tells him things like this, big important things, or they share moments, gifts, and things shift between them, change, alter, bring them closer. And yet she's still holding him at bay, and he's still here. Not just for Amy, but for Sarah herself, too, and on that, she really is perplexed.

She's had no word on Caria, still. Absolutely nothing, in six months. If she hadn't already loathed Bryce Larkin, his messing up her life on barely any information and then leaving her with no communication for six damn months, has tipped her into hating the guy. Whether he was here on Graham's orders or not, leaving her to keep her guard up for some potential threat that still hasn't come to pass in half a damn year, is beyond awful. She's seen nothing, felt nothing odd, no sense that anyone is watching, trying to hurt Amy, Sarah, anyone they're close to, nothing at all, and that's what she's been holding back for, just in case.

And Sarah truly, truly doesn't know, how much longer she can expect Chuck to stick around. It wouldn't be fair to never let him in, never let things go further, for their entire lives, she's aware that would just be ridiculous. At this rate he could be holding her hand at Amy's college graduation and they still wouldn't be together, or whatever, anything. That's not fair to her or to him. To let him be so unhappy, when he could go find happiness somewhere else, with some other normal girl without a four-year-old and a secret CIA past that's coming back to haunt her. And she also knows it's not fair to her or Amy, to be so close to happiness so perpetually, to almost have it all, and yet not. And for Sarah to still be lying to him. Keeping things from him. For his safety, sure, but she has to wonder where safety ends and deception begins.

So she knows, she has to stop it some time. Has to move him away, make him move on, move on herself. But she has no idea how or when she could possibly do that. Because with Amy in the mix, everything's complicated. The little girl is almost as close to Chuck as she is to Sarah, now, and that can't just be torn apart, but they also likely couldn't carry on if Sarah were to push Chuck away. It'd be like shared custody for a child that's not even yours.

But it's almost like Chuck knows this, knows all this torment, and somehow, he just accepts it, now. She just compared him to Amy's father, implied he's won her over and she's fallen for him, and he just smiled and went to top up their drinks.

So no, it's not fair. But they both know that. And they're both carrying on anyway.

Chuck comes back, bottle in hand, and refills their glasses, setting the empty bottle down on the floor. And she just looks at him, words and confessions brimming inside her, mind full of a thousand questions.

"So," he says, upbeat, before she can say anything. He sits down and wiggles a little into the cushions, stupidly, clearly to make her laugh. It works. His hand finds her own again, fingers dancing lightly on her palm. "I figure that's enough of talking about heavy stuff for tonight. Only more fun stuff. Promise?"

Twisting her lips, she watches him, sees his eyes a little wide and shiny again, and she realizes he's being honest, here. Learning all he just did has apparently led him to need a little time to process it all, think it through, and he doesn't want to talk about anything else so deep, right now. Though she could keep telling him things tonight, keep going with the stories about her past, if he doesn't want to, Sarah's not going to force it on him. She wants them to talk, wants him to know, but never against his wishes. And if he needs time to process things, well, after her needing so much time herself to work out her own thoughts, she can hardly refuse him. Swallowing down her words, she tilts her head instead.  
"Promise."

He grins.  
"Great. I have another question for you, though,"

"Shoot." she says, nodding.

"When's your birthday?"

She blinks. Of all the things for Chuck to ask, after all they've just talked about, she hadn't been expecting 'when's your birthday'.  
"What? Um, it's in July," she says, and he hums, looking thoughtful. She narrows her eyes in curiosity. "Why are you asking?"

"Well, you've never mentioned it. And I just saw the photo from Ames' party on the fridge and I wondered if you wanted one, too,"

Looking over in the direction of the kitchen, she sees the picture he's meaning, stuck onto the refrigerator. It's a shot of Amy blowing out the candles on her cake, Chuck holding her up, Sarah grinning opposite her. She loves it, and it's certainly distracting from all the things they've just spoken about. She supposes that's why Chuck has latched onto this idea to keep them from drifting into more serious conversation again. She looks at the picture again, pouts a little in thought.  
"If I want a birthday party, you mean?" she asks, and he nods. "I don't know, I- it's so far away, I hadn't thought."

"Nah, that's cool, I was just thinking. Obviously it would be more like my party than Ames', but I'm sure Ellie and Devon would wanna hang out. Morgan would come if there's food."

She chuckles, believing that, then plays with Chuck's fingers again.  
"I'm not really good with being the center of attention," she says, thinking aloud, and he raises an eyebrow. "I- I mean, I'd like to spend time with them. But... honestly, I'd probably want a night just like this. Maybe get a pizza, watch a movie, you me and Amy..."

He grins.  
"I think that can be arranged," he murmurs, oh so warm.

She chuckles, and he laughs too, sipping his wine. Sarah knows, it's strange still, sometimes, how little she remembers to tell people. Spy instincts are hard to shake, and she hadn't even realized Chuck didn't know her birthday until this very minute. In some ways, most ways, she's a totally different person to that scared young woman she once was, standing in her DC apartment, papers scattered around her, world on its head. But in some ways she's pretty similar, still, and she hates that. It's hard to open up, especially, almost, to someone as open as Chuck. But she likes to think she's learning.

And so as she drinks her wine, keeps her hand in Chuck's, she realizes she has a fun, less serious memory to share. And she tells him the real, light story of her fourteenth birthday. He knows about her childhood and her father anyway, mostly, so she doesn't mind the skipped details, just focuses on the tale, makes him laugh a little. He tells her another childhood story of his own in reply, making her laugh long into the evening, and she can't help but think that yes, a day with just the three of them really would be perfect, when it comes.

* * *

 **a/n 2:** Yes, I set Sarah's birthday then for a reason. We're around May, here, so it's coming up, and… well, you'll see when we get there. Anyway! The moment in versus The Baby where Sarah and her mom sing the lullaby is one of my all time favourite moments in the show, it's so so sweet, and I knew I had to keep that song in this universe. If Emma sung it to Sarah when she was little, then of course, Sarah would sing it to Amy… When I finished this whole story, though, I realized I hadn't put it in, and somehow it felt the right thing to lead to all of the talk in this chapter. As for all the talk, I figured it was time both you guys and Chuck knew a little more about Amy's dad before much of this story and the relationships in it could properly continue. He may be dead and have served his purpose in this story in, like, co-creating Ames, but he's also important because of that. And since Chuck and Amy are already so close, I thought it felt right for him to know about the man he's effectively replaced, here. As I said, there's just so much to share that I didn't want to just have Sarah casually mention how things happened and not give it any time to impact Chuck, let him think on it all, while also spending time being dorky with Sarah afterwards. If you enjoyed this chapter, please do leave me a review and let me know, and I'll see you in a couple days for Chapter 19, 'The Dance'!

-Kiera :)


	19. The Dance

**summary:** Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they find a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

 **a/n:** Whew. I'm gonna be honest, for a while I debated cutting this chapter. Like, for a while being up until an hour before posting this. I've been stressing over it for weeks anyway, and on top of the general about-to-move stress I'm feeling too, it's just been some stressful days, lol. I know y'all are impatient for stuff to move forward in this story, I get it. Me, I know what's ahead, I get why I'm doing this and where it's all gonna lead, you guys obviously, unless you are mind readers which I… don't believe you are, don't know. While some of this chapter definitely does move things on, as I feel every chapter so far has been doing, other bits are a little more silly and adorable, and I wasn't sure if that was what this story called for at this point. Then I remembered why I'd started posting this fic in the first place, to try and make some people smile because the world is a dumpster fire. And it still is, and I'm still just trying to make some people smile, here. It's easy to forget that, and why I'm doing this at all, when I'm just posting twice a week and getting bogged down in the nature of it all. Besides, the events of this chapter would've still happened, you just wouldn't have seen them, and since I already had the chapter written, here we are. The sweetness of this chapter hopefully outweighs the potential delay in things, and I've twisted and tweaked the important stuff a little. I just ask you, as I have done the whole story along, to stick with it and trust me. We'll get there, not that far from now, I promise.  
Also, a couple people in reviews recently have mentioned Carina, and said that Sarah could contact her or something. I just wanna remind y'all, Sarah and Carina have never met in this story. Sarah left the CIA before the CAT Squad was founded (the reference of 'rumors of a team' a couple chapters back), and since canon implied they met through the CATS or just before then, they've never met here. So Sarah could call Carina, but she'd be calling a total stranger, lol. And yes, I know Carina and Caria are extremely similar names, blame my stupid old brain for coming up with that and being unable to let it go and choose literally any other name ever. Cheers, brain.

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Chuck, movie theaters, crayons, or sidewalks.

* * *

 **The Dance**

As the lights raise, she stands, stretching out her limbs and reaching for her purse.

"What did you think, bug?" Chuck asks, from the other side of the four-year-old who's been sat between them the past hour and a half.

"I loved it!" Amy squeals, and Sarah grins, laughing as Amy wiggles in her seat happily, even if she herself doesn't quite share her daughter's views. Honestly, with Amy's running commentary through most of the movie, Sarah wasn't paying that much attention to the events onscreen, and her little girl was far more entertaining than the pretty mediocre film anyway. But, Amy had wanted to go to the movies today, and since Chuck hadn't been able to get last night off work for movie night, Sarah had suggested they shift it to today, pairing it with dinner afterwards. Chuck had quickly agreed, much to Amy, and Sarah's, delight.

He sends her a smirk over Amy's head as he stands, and Sarah stifles another laugh, shrugging on her jacket instead and picking up their empty soda cup and popcorn carton. There are a few smudges of chocolate inside the paper box, and she looks back at Chuck, raises it.

"By the way, the milk duds? Amazing."

"I knew I'd win you over," he says, beaming proudly, and Sarah rolls her eyes kindly as she starts to head out the row of seats toward the aisle. He'd been insistent she'd love the sweet chocolate and caramel sprinkled over salted popcorn, but she'd been more reluctant to try the somewhat odd combination. He'd proved her wrong, though- they tasted ridiculously good, and she'd been relieved they'd only chosen a regular popcorn between the three of them so she didn't have a bucket all to herself. She'd have devoured the lot.

Chuck helps Amy out of her seat, brushing the few stray popcorn kernels from her, before she follows Sarah, and Chuck brings up their little line. Sarah tosses the empty packets into the trash, then turns back to Amy.

"You need the bathroom, or can you wait until the restaurant?"

"I'll wait," Amy says soundly, and Sarah just nods, trusting her by now. They head out of the theater, Sarah smiling politely at the staffers as they pass, and then Amy slips her hand into her mother's as they get out onto the street. When Sarah looks to smile at her, she sees Amy's also got a hand in Chuck's, one in each, and she ignores the sudden pang in her chest as they keep walking.

Chuck hums.  
"So what are you gonna have for dinner, bug?"

Amy giggles.  
"I don't know. There's so _much_." she says, much like she'd said to Sarah last night. They'd looked up the place, both of them perusing the selection, and it does indeed have a big children's menu. She'll even let Amy have a burger or nuggets or something as a treat if she wants them. It's just a nice family-friendly (but thankfully not themed- Sarah hates few things so much as Chuck-E-Damn-Cheese) restaurant Chuck had found, and made a reservation at for them the other day, and Sarah knows after the fun of the movie Amy will likely be well behaved, happy to just color or something. And hopefully, Chuck and Sarah can just chat. Be themselves. They've only had that one lunch date- but not date, date- by themselves at the sushi place a couple months ago, but she knows Chuck is excellent dinner company.

Now, he laughs softly, Amy swinging both their arms apparently absentmindedly, still one hand in each. It feels sweet, and familial, and perfect.

Amy chatters a little more about the movie as they walk, and Sarah finds herself content to stay in the moment and listen to her daughter's ramblings as they keep heading toward the restaurant. It doesn't take long to get there, just as Chuck had said, and though ordinarily it's easier to just lift Amy when they walk into places if they might have to navigate their way to their table, today, Sarah leaves her down. The little girl just stays loyally by her and Chuck as they step into the place and wait for a server to arrive.

A young woman soon approaches, smiles as she walks up behind the front desk, and Chuck leans in.  
"Hi, reservation for three for Bartowski?"

"Bartowski." Amy repeats, and Sarah chuckles. After dealing with the fairly- and of course intentionally and why Graham had picked it for her way back when- simple last name of Walker all her life, Amy seems to enjoy saying Chuck's last name. Whether she thinks it makes her sound fancy since she knows a long word, or if she just likes saying it because it's Chuck's name, Sarah doesn't know, but it's cute nonetheless.

The server laughs too, looking at a book before ticking something off, then nods at them, grabbing some menus.  
"Just this way,"

Amy steps out first and follows the girl intently, and Chuck sends Sarah an amused look at the four-year-old's enthusiasm while they walk around the restaurant. Once they reach the table, Amy waits patiently for her grown-ups to catch up, and Sarah chuckles as she hoists the four-year-old up into one of the chairs, relieved when Amy can see and stretch over it pretty easily. She sits by her right, and Chuck sits on the other side, the round table with only three settings meaning he's near Amy and could reach her if needed, too. The server hands them their menus, and Amy gasps when she sees hers doubles as a coloring page. The waitress even hands them a small box of crayons for Amy to use.

"Thank you," she says, sounding awed, and the server laughs. She turns to Chuck, asks if they'd like to order drinks, but when he says they'll think on it she nods, takes another look at Amy.

"She's so cute," she stage-whispers to Chuck, grinning before stepping away, and Chuck turns to Sarah, raising an eyebrow.

"I mean, she's not wrong..." he says, breaking out into a rather infectious grin. When Sarah turns to her daughter, she sees Amy desperately trying to open the box of crayons like her life depends on it, tongue poking out between her lips, and Sarah has to agree, laughing at the sight. Amy is really, really cute. Even she can admit that her daughter is adorable.

Saving Amy the trouble of the box, Sarah leans in, but she can't help but think on the server's words as she does so. Well, not the words themselves, but who she said them to. She said them to Chuck. Sarah's sure, here, that they look just like a family, yet again. And someone else has mistaken Amy for both of their's, for Chuck's, again. She's hardly even surprised when it happens anymore, though it still causes a jolt in her every time. A realization of what they could so easily be. What she wants them to be. What, maybe, she thinks, they already are.

She wrangles the crayons open, but holds them in her hand.  
"You have to choose what you wanna eat first, Ames, and what you'd like to drink. And then you can color all over your menu."

Amy pouts, turns her head.  
"Chuck-"

"Oh, oh no you're not getting me to go against your Mom," he says instantly, laughing and shaking his head. Amy's tried this tactic so often, turning to one adult when the other disagrees with her, and Sarah would think the little girl would have learned by now that it never works. She supposes Amy's had three years of lost time to catch up on, though. Chuck folds his arms atop the table, eyes Amy. "And I agree, you gotta choose so then the nice server can go tell the kitchen and they'll cook it for you."  
Sarah tries not to grin at Chuck's backing her up so well; not just telling Amy to do something, but explaining why she must, so she understands how this situation works.

The little girl huffs at being overruled, but eventually purses her lips and looks back down at the table.  
"Okay." As her eyes scan the menu, though, with the little images, she smiles again, apparently remembering how excited she'd been to pick something. She flicks to the desserts since there's a lot of pictures of those on the paper, but Sarah quickly turns the page back over and tells her, maybe later. When she makes her choice, Sarah nods.

"D'you want to tell the server yourself when she comes back?" Amy nods, and Sarah hands her the crayons. She giggles, taking them enthusiastically and tipping them all out of the box at once, immediately coloring in the pictures and games on her menu. A rogue blue crayon makes a bid for freedom, and Chuck catches it as it rolls off the table, putting it safely back with the red and yellow where it belongs.

Sarah looks to him, sees him already grinning at the budding artwork. Amy performs a particularly enthusiastic green squiggle halfway across the page, almost trailing off onto the table but just about saving it, and Chuck's eyebrows raise.

"Y'know," Sarah says, resting her chin on her hand and smiling his way as he looks toward her. "The more meals you spend with us the more you'll realize this happens just about every time,"

He shrugs, waves a hand.  
"It keeps her busy, it's fun, it's fine." Smiling, he reaches to a drinks menu standing in the middle of the table. "D'you want wine?"

As he offers her the menu, she raises an eyebrow. Their apartment building isn't too far away, and since summer is definitely arriving they'd just walked here, so they won't be driving afterward. They certainly could have wine, but that makes this dinner a little fancy, and she hadn't realized that was the tone for tonight. With the nice place, though, not too busy or loud, with nice decor, she could definitely go for fancy.

"Sure." Taking the menu from his hand, she scans her eyes over the selection. "Red or white? Or are we mixing it up and going rosé?"

He grins.  
"I think some red would be good. You choose."

She chuckles and nods, looking at the food menu next. When the server comes over, once Sarah's ordered her fish, Chuck his pasta, and the bottle of merlot for the both of them, the girl turns to Amy.

"And what can I get for you, cutie?"

The four-year-old looks up, clears her throat.  
"Can I have nuggets and a milkshake, please?" she asks, polite and perfect.

Sarah grins, proudly tickles Amy behind her ear, and she giggles as she squirms in her seat. The server laughs and nods, re-checking their order before walking away.

Chuck dives in, ruffles Amy's hair.  
"Good job, bug!" She beams again, preening at the compliments. "Hey, maybe if you ask your mom that nicely after you've eaten all your dinner, you could get dessert?" He sends Sarah a quick look, as if checking that's okay, but he's on the money. Besides, the menu had chocolate fudge cake, and Sarah knows she'll get to steal a bite or two if Amy orders that. Chuck will probably sneak a taste too, since Amy will likely feel full after two bites. They say it often, but Amy's eyes are definitely bigger than her stomach, all too frequently.

Amy giggles again as she returns to her coloring, and Sarah smiles at Chuck, sits back a little in her chair. She waits until their wine arrives, and takes a sip before she tilts her head.

"So how's the software going? You haven't said for a while,"

His eyes widen, and he gulps his mouthful pretty quickly.  
"Oh! Oh it's, uh, it's really good, actually. I'm... kinda entering talks, with that company I said were interested."

Her eyes boggle.  
"What? That's amazing!"

He grins a little, though it seems somewhat sheepish.  
"Yeah, they, uh, they wanna work with me, they like what I've got enough they're letting me keep creative control. There's a few more meetings and stuff, but it should be going through in the next month,"

"That's fast," she thinks aloud, sipping her wine again, but Chuck pauses and winces just a little, and she frowns, curious. "Wait, how long have you been talking with them?"

Licking his lips, he shrugs somewhat.  
"Uh, a couple months?"

"Oh," she says, before she can help it. Even to her own ears, she knows she sounds hurt that this had all been happening without her knowing it, and she is, sorta, but she doesn't want him to know that and feel bad. It's hardly her place to know all these things about him, his own business, even if she'd like to.

His brow furrows, eyes all emotional.  
"Sarah, I-"

"No, I, I understand." He owes them, owes her, nothing at all.

He shuffles nearer, reaches out a hand, and his fingers curl over her palm, so warm she can't find it in her to pull back.  
"No, I just, I gotta let you know why I didn't tell you. I mean, first I didn't wanna jinx it, you know what I'm like. With everything that happened at Stanford, losing everything just before it was supposed to be finished, I'm like, stupidly scared of cursing everything." She turns her hand around, holds his back, nods, swallows. "And also, things aren't gonna change that much for a while. Them buying the software doesn't mean instant release, I'll still be at the Buy More, doing, well, not very much at all, until they actually start circulating it- if they do."

She nods again, though his explanations don't really explain why he hadn't told her, and why he's telling her now. He's his own person, though, he didn't have to tell her, she gets it.

"It's fine," she says, but he just shakes his head.

"No, no, it's not. I should've told you, I know. Having you and Ames, knowing you guys, it made me actually properly work on the stuff in the first place, you know that. But it- it kinda feels, sometimes, like that's all I'm doing. I'm either at the Buy More or I'm dealing with this stuff, I mean even when I'm gaming with Morgan or hanging with El they're still asking about it. That's why I took so long to tell them, I knew when I did they wouldn't let it go. It's like the only breaks I get are when I'm with you two," She raises an eyebrow, since she'd never thought that might be the impact their time with him has on him. Fun, casual, family-like times, sure, but she'd never realized those times are the times in which he breathes and gets a little peace exactly like they are to _her._ For her, it's peace from being a single mother of an excitable and energetic four-year-old, as well as finding some peace from the past coming back to haunt her. For him, it's peace from persistent questioning from his best friend or family, long shifts in a job he doesn't like, and worrying over software he's almost selling, now. She hadn't even known—he'd never even hinted… Before her, he shrugs. "What we have... it lets me clear my head, from all that stuff, and I just get to be me, so much that I just kept forgetting to tell you. And then when I remembered, I was too happy to want to,"

Her fingers squeeze his, and she clears her throat, looks away for a moment before looking back.  
"Thank you for saying that, and for telling me," she says, because she does appreciate him explaining, she's glad for it. And yet, he still didn't tell her about this company. Didn't tell her about this progress. "But Chuck, it's your future, it's your dream. It's your life. I like knowing these kinds of things, honestly, I care about them, and I care about what you do. It's you, I want to know you." She smiles at him lopsidedly, trying to be light so he doesn't think she's suddenly possessive and controlling, demanding to know everything he's doing when they're not even properly together, but he swallows, distracted, and she realizes he's evidently not done.

"I... I also guess I just don't want things to change. Between us."

She blinks.  
"Because of your program?" She tries to keep the disbelief out of her voice, but it's tricky. Their relationship and his technology just seem so very disconnected, unrelated, in her mind.

He shakes his head.  
"It's irrational, and ridiculous, I know that. But, but if this does happen, and I do leave the Buy More, and the software does get released, so much is gonna change. And—and, and I mean you know me, I stayed stuck in a rut for three years until Ellie yelled at me too loudly one day. I'm… not great with change," Though he chuckles, it's self-deprecating, a little unlike him, and she frowns at where it seems his head's at. He swallows, lifts a shoulder minutely. "And I guess this is the thing I'm most scared of losing when everything's different."

Her jaw drops. And she thought she'd been having worried introspective thoughts-apparently hers were nothing compared to Chuck's. She can tell he knows how illogical it all is, the idea that somehow him moving on with his life would mean losing her and Amy, she knows he senses it's crazy, but he's still thinking it, and she hadn't even thought she'd gotten into his head as much as he's gotten into hers. She'd thought he'd got that they move in all these little steps, quiet moments, like that night at her place the other week, opening up, telling him about Mark, things that make them as impossibly close as they are, and she thought he knew that her sharing those sorts of things means that, to her, she's not going anywhere. But no, he's scared of losing her, Amy, both of them, if he moves on, if things improve. If things change. And he actually said that, he said he's scared. It's easy for her to feel even more the coward that he can voice these things to her but she can't explain why she's held back for so many months now.

She just bites her lip in a bad attempt to keep her emotions in check, squeezes his hand again, tight this time.  
"Chuck, you're not gonna lose us." she murmurs. Because she has to let him know that, he can't continue worrying otherwise. She has to reassure him on this, she must. He raises an eyebrow, the tiniest bit of hope filling his gaze. "Seriously. Me and Amy, we're here for the long haul, whether your software sells like crazy, whether nothing changes at all. You're not getting rid of us that easy, Amy would never let me."

The little girl looks up.  
"Hm?" she asks sweetly, and Sarah smiles.

"Nothing, baby, you can keep coloring," she murmurs, tucking a curl behind Amy's ear before looking back to Chuck. His eyes are shining when they meet her own, and she takes a deep breath. "Movie nights, days like this, they're important. Not just for Amy, and you know that, they're important to all of us. They mean a lot more than just, something we do every week. They're part of us, us three. Even if things change, even if we have to change things, we'll work something out, you know that. I don't want to lose you either, Chuck. Us, and things like movie nights, they're not gonna just stop."

He nods, smiles briefly, nervously.  
"Good. Because- because I really don't want them to,"

If they were at her apartment, and Amy wasn't looking, she might kiss him here. But they're not, they're in public, and Amy's right here, too, and Sarah's not sure quite how controlled she'd be if she leaned into Chuck.  
And so she just squeezes his hand again, nods, eyebrow raised in question. Silently, she asks him if he's okay.

He releases a deep breath, and nods. She wonders why she can communicate wordlessly with him better than anyone she's ever known. Spies are supposed to be able to do that, partners, handlers and agents, you're supposed to be able to share orders silently, split up to clear places, make instant decisions without a word. That had never clicked for her, in the CIA. Only with Chuck, can she say something when saying absolutely nothing.

With another nod, he lets go. Their food arrives a moment later, and Sarah's glad she's got something to occupy her hands with so she doesn't try to reach for Chuck again.

* * *

She smiles as she leans down and wipes somehow another bit of stray chocolate from the corner of Amy's mouth. She finished eating fifteen minutes ago- Sarah just keeps finding more and more remnants of that oh so good fudge cake.  
Amy squirms, pouting, but puts up with it until Sarah stands back up again.

Chuck returns from the bathroom, clapping his hands together.  
"Y'ready to go?"

Sarah looks down at Amy, who nods, but then heads over to Chuck, lifting up her arms.  
"'M sleepy," she murmurs, and Chuck smiles softly, lifts her up, settles her on his hip. Like she seems to like to do, she rests her face in his neck, nuzzles him in comfort.

"You just ate a lot, bug, I get sleepy after eating sometimes, too." For some reason, Sarah thinks that's true, and not just something Chuck is saying to Amy to make her feel better about her sleepiness. Sarah vaguely recalls Morgan telling her something at Amy's birthday party, about eating too much sizzling shrimp one night with Chuck years ago, and them both waking up the next morning on the couch, chopsticks still in hand. "But was it good?"

"Mmhm," she says with a smile, and Chuck grins, turning to Sarah.

"Have you, uh, you got everything?"

She nods, smiling a little, clasping her hands together, and he nods too, lets her lead the way out of the restaurant. She tries not to grimace when he can no longer see her face.  
They'd gotten over the weight of their discussion before dinner, mostly due to Amy, as ever. She'd chattered through her meal, and Chuck and Sarah had both taken the opportunity willingly, asking questions, bringing up random topics of conversation, like neither of them quite knew what to say.

Because Chuck admitting he's scared of losing them, and Sarah promising he never will, that's a lot for them. Usually it's too easy to just think these things rather than saying them, but today they've crossed that line, and there's no way back.

They walk down the street back to their building, Amy still in Chuck's arms, dozing, Sarah sees when she sneaks a glance, but not asleep. When a car goes past pumping out some pop song full volume, the little girl seems to wake a little.

And a minute later, Sarah realizes she can hear humming. Quiet, but tuneful humming that sounds a little like that pop song, coming from her side this time. When she looks at Chuck, she sees he's walking weirdly, with some kind of rhythm, and is also the source of the tune. She frowns; she didn't think either of them had had that much to drink.

"Uh, are you...?" She doesn't even know what to say.

"I'm dancing!" he says, grinning briefly but then turning the grin on its intended audience, Amy.

The little girl giggles.  
"You're silly Chuck. 'S not dancing."

"Hey! Any kind of moving to music is dancing in my book." he protests, somewhat indignantly, frowning cutely at Amy.

Sarah blinks, truly no idea what's happening.  
"But there's no music." she says, eyebrow arched, and Amy nods in agreement. Chuck casts his eyes heavenward like they're both missing something totally obvious.

"It's in my head. So, I can dance to it." He steps forward, dancing more, swaying dorkily with Amy in his arms, and she giggles, her previous confusion over this idea apparently having left her. She wriggles in Chuck's grip, waving her arms like she's trying to dance too. He bites his lip, makes some more half-humming noises as he steps, turning round in the middle of the sidewalk, and Sarah just stares in bemusement at the sight. An elderly couple walk past them all, looking thoroughly confused. When Chuck turns back to her, he pauses, grins. "C'mon, it's not that bad!"

"It's..." She shakes her head, lost for words. It's not the first time with Chuck Bartowski and she senses it won't be the last. "It's very you."

He pulls a face, calling her out.  
"It's nerdy?"

"Yup." she says, not missing a beat.

He laughs, throws back his head. But then he smirks knowingly, steps closer, reaches out a hand. He wiggles his fingers and she curses how immediately cute it is.  
"Dance with us." She blinks, and he nudges Amy. "Bug, tell her."

"Yeah, Mommy!" Amy says with a giggle, now apparently loving this game.

More passers-by send them looks, and Sarah feels like explaining and also telling them to mind their own business, this is her family.  
And, at that thought, she can't help it. She's reaching for him before she even knows it.

"Okay," she murmurs, and Chuck's nose crinkles in a disbelieving grin. He still isn't moving, yet, and she shrugs. "Well, come on,"

His fingers threading through hers, he tugs her closer until she's toe-to-toe with him, and he starts to hum again, stepping back and forth, swaying their joined arm. She gets his slightly off-beat rhythm easily, matches his steps, and Amy giggles in glee as they slowly, very slowly, move down the sidewalk in a swaying dance. Chuck's eyes find Sarah's and she can't help but grin at him in return, even as yet more people walk past looking confused. But this is just joy, and light, and love, and she weirdly gets the whole dancing without music thing, suddenly. It's just _fun_ , and stupid, and sometimes that's the best a thing can be for you to enjoy it.

He steps back, stretches out their joined arms and lifts them, eyebrows dancing a little too, and she smirks as she gets the hint, steps under his arm and turns, their hands slipping round. Amy squeals at the sight, clapping excitedly, and Sarah giggles, Chuck laughs. Hand still in hers, he tugs her into him a little, and she presses up against his side, free arm reaching around Amy as they sway, the three of them, a little slower now, a little easier. They're barely moving down this street, Sarah knows, but it's worth it. She leans forward, laughs into Chuck's shoulder, and he chuckles too as they ease to a stop.

"Keep going!" Amy says, and Sarah pulls back to see Chuck grinning goofily at the little girl. Another couple walk past and have to split up to get around the three, standing in the middle of the sidewalk, and Chuck laughs a little.

"I think we should probably get home and get out of the way, bug," he murmurs, and Amy huffs a little. Sarah nods and pulls herself away from Chuck, and they eventually make their way back to their apartment building.

Amy's sleepiness returns a little as they walk, and when they enter the apartment, Chuck just following them both in, Sarah lets him set the little girl down on the couch, where she immediately starts dozing. It's too early for bedtime, plus Amy needs a bath, but it gives Sarah a chance to talk with Chuck about today when they've both been ignoring it, and she doesn't wanna make Amy cranky by forcing her to wake, either. And so, once Amy has wriggled down into the couch, Sarah slips her fingers around Chuck's wrist.

"Hey," she murmurs, and he raises an eyebrow. She nods her head toward the hall, and he swallows, walking that way with her. Here, they can still see Amy, but they're not right by her like they would be in the kitchen.

They stand in silence for a good ten seconds before she clears her throat, looks up at him, wondering quite what to say. He just looks back, apparently lost on where to begin, too. And so, Sarah figures, they can just skip the beginning altogether.  
She rises on her toes, slips her arms around him, and hugs him tight. He pulls her close in return, one hand cradling her head, and as ever in his arms she feels so ridiculously safe it's almost scary, except it's comforting, too, so comforting. Like all she could ever need, is this.

"What's this for?" he asks, sounding confused, like he realizes this isn't just a casual, random hug, and she sighs.

"I wanted to do this in the restaurant, but..." She breathes him in, squeezes her eyes shut. "Chuck, what you said… I'm sorry that I even made you feel like that might happen," she murmurs, voice strained, and he clears his throat, pulls back and catches her eye.

"That's not your fault, Sarah, that's on me, and—and my own thoughts, you never made me think that would happen." he says, sounding like he completely believes that, but she just shakes her head.

"If, if I'd just talked to you, and I didn't keep putting off talking about this, then—"

"Sarah," he insists, and she quietens, raises an eyebrow. She can't lie, his insistence is a little surprising to her. If he just blamed her then she'd accept it, but he seems to be blaming himself, his headspace, fully, taking full responsibility for that, and that's stranger, to her. She doesn't know what within his own mind would lead him to worry so much about losing them, that isn't just her fault for staying away. "I shouldn't have kept it from you in the first place. No matter what, you're important to me, and you're the reason I'm even at this point with everything, and you know that. And I know that… the other stuff, is tough for you, I get that,"

"Chuck, it's not, I just—"

He shakes her just a little, insistent.  
"Hey. You have so much on your plate with Ames alone, and whatever else is going on… Look, I know that, that this isn't just me, here. Contrary to what my sister may have thought for most of our childhood, I'm not stupid, and I'm not totally blind," She chuckles at that like she knows he'd intended, but they both sober pretty quickly, and he just eyes her, strange, indecipherable look in his gaze. "So I don't mind waiting until you figure this out."

For a second, half terrifying and yet, half elated moment, she wonders if he somehow knows, about Caria, about it all. Knows that that's what she's been struggling with rather than her feelings. But the thought fades, and she knows, he doesn't, couldn't possibly. Which means he just thinks she's struggling to come to terms with all this between them, and while he may know there's something deeper, somewhere, he likely has no idea it's that she used to work for the CIA and that's coming after her now.

And so she pulls back just a bit more.  
"Why?" she breathes, not maliciously, not critically, just truly baffled as to why on earth he's still here, after all this time. "I've given you so many reasons to run."

He barely blinks, just quirks his lips in a half-smile.  
"I hate to break it to you, but you're kinda it for me, right now. And again—I'm not stupid. I know that you, Sarah Walker, are worth waiting for," he says, and her heart trips over itself. She blinks, throat dry, chest tight, words stolen, and yet, before her, he smiles just a little. "It's okay,"

Just as she's about to argue it's not, she hears shuffling from the living room.

"Mommy?" Amy asks, and Sarah sighs, apologetic regret washing over her.

Chuck smirks, just a little.  
"I, am gonna go, and I'm gonna let you and Ames spend some time together and let you think." And before she can protest, before she can form a simple word, an 'I used to work for the CIA', Amy's footsteps sound behind them, and the little girl appears, blinking sleepily up at them. They both turn to look at her, Chuck in amusement, Sarah in a whole mix of emotions.

"What?" the little girl asks adorably, and as Sarah smiles even while frustration still fills her, Chuck steps closer, crouches down in front of the four-year-old.

"Nothin', bug, I'm just gonna go now, okay?" Amy nods, curls bouncing, and he ruffles her hair. "Love you,"

"Love you too, Chuck," She flops onto him for a hug, and he laughs softly when she stays there a beat too long, not letting go.  
Eventually, though, she does, and Chuck stands, heading toward the door. As Amy cuddles into Sarah's legs, unrelenting, she realizes there's something she still hasn't said, and something she must, tonight, even if he won't listen to anything else. She can't let him say all that, say she's it for him, and then not say anything in return.

"Chuck," she calls, and where he's near the doorway he turns back, eyebrow raised, but doesn't come closer again, just eyes her. She wonders idly what he sees in _her_ eyes, if it's the turmoil she's feeling, the confusion and ache. She used to have masks, shutters on her emotions, but now, it's all foggy. She doesn't know what he must see anymore. "Just so you know, I… it's the same for me, too. I promise."

He just nods, just a little, and heads back through the apartment. As soon as he's gone, Sarah scoops up her sleepy little girl and cuddles her close and, as Chuck instructed, thinks. And in the end, she realizes the same thing she's known for months. The next time they get the chance, she is going to tell him. And even her daughter's interruptions, or Chuck Bartowski himself, aren't gonna stop her.

* * *

 **a/n 2:** Yeah. Kiera might stop her for a tad longer, though. Sorry. I know, I know, still no talking here thanks to Amy and her brilliant timing, hence why I almost cut it, but again, sweetness versus a slight delay, hopefully. Why Chuck was quite so worried will come out right next chapter, I promise, and as for the rest, we're nearing the end of this story, so I can definitely say we are nearer the truth coming out than we were at the start. I did say this one was silly and adorable and hopefully I delivered on that- c'mon, movies and fudge cake and dancing on the sidewalk! Tropey as heck, but I think, pretty adorable too. Plus I thought sidewalk dancing was such a Chuck Bartowski thing to do, dork he is. Next up is one of my favourite chapters in the whole story, Chapter 20 (!), 'The Trip', and no, nobody's falling over on icy patches, so make of the title what you will… See you in a few days.

-Kiera :)


	20. The Trip

**summary:** Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they find a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

 **a/n:** I'm not gonna lie, this is one of my favourite chapters from the whole fic. No idea why—maybe it's the whole absence makes the heart grow fonder thing. And it does, here, things certainly get fonder. That we're already at Chapter 20 of this thing is pretty crazy to me, and we don't have that much further to go, so trust me, breaking point is on the horizon. That probably sounds more ominous than I'm intending, lol. But yes, first we have to get through this chapter, the plot of which I think I'd planned from the start of this story. As ever, if you like this one and want to drop me a review or message, please do, it's so much nicer to talk to y'all!

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Chuck, Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan movies, Starbucks, or airports.

* * *

 **The Trip**

She's just putting away the clean dishes in the kitchen when she hears her cell phone ringing on the coffee table, vibrate tone making it rattle against the wood. Frowning, she wipes her hands on a nearby towel, and hurries through to the living room, seeing Chuck's name upon the screen.

She picks it up just in time, smiling.  
"Hey, Chuck," she says, but her face falls when she hears the rattling and noisy chatter on his end. At first it makes her worry, the noise so unlike the usual tinny music and talk of the Buy More, so different to the sound of his apartment, that she has to wonder where on earth he is, where he's ended up. Maybe this is it, the moment she's been dreading, where he's been taken from her and now, his captor is calling her. But then he breathes down the line, perfectly normal.

"Hi," he mumbles, distractedly, and she frowns further. He's fine, and she was evidently completely overreacting, but she's still very lost on what those noises are.

"Where are you?"

"I'm- hold on just a second." There's some clattering, and then she hears him clear his throat. "Okay, phone's in the right hand now. Sorry, I'm at the airport."

Her jaw drops.  
"The airport? Like, to fly out?"

"Yeah," he sighs. "I'm so sorry, I just got the call tonight, I barely had time to pack and I knew if I came over to say goodbye to you two I'd just wanna stay longer than I could,"

She swallows at that, scratching her cheek, still stunned and very confused.  
"Where are you going?"

He clears his throat, sounding a little awkward, a little nervous.  
"The tech company called, they need me in Seattle tomorrow, for meetings and papers and things, I don't know. It's all super last minute."

Well, that's news to her. She hasn't heard much from Chuck about the company buying his software, and just the other week he'd said things were slow on their end and that he was just entering talks. Evidently, it's picked up speed now.  
"Oh. Oh- how long will you be gone?"

"I don't know, the weekend at least," he says, tone apologetic, and since today's Thursday she's already expecting where he goes next. "I'm gonna miss tomorrow, I'm sorry, I know you said you wanted to tell me something. I haven't even seen you guys since last week,"

Now that is true. In fact, she's only seen him on Fridays two weeks in a row now, just on pure coincidence and conflicting schedules. There's been no passing him in the hall, no spur-of-the-moment visits. He'd been busy at the Buy More, she knows, but also, she now gathers, busy talking with this company to try and work out the selling of his program, too. Amy's appreciated their movie nights even more having not seen Chuck, Sarah thinks, but now he's cancelling tomorrow's, which is more than unfortunate. Especially because Sarah had hoped that if he'd stayed, they could finally talk, just the two of them. They haven't had a moment to themselves in weeks—even on movie nights, things have been too busy. After one, Chuck had had to head to the Buy More for an overnight delivery of new products, since apparently few others at the store are trustworthy enough after 9pm. After another, Amy had thrown a major tantrum about going to bed, and Chuck had left to try and ease the tension. It didn't work- Sarah had dealt with a cranky daughter for forty minutes more until Amy had finally passed out from exhaustion. She'd been hoping more than anything that tomorrow's would go smoothly, and they could sit and talk and she could explain to him the thing that's been holding her back. The thing he seems to know exists, but doesn't quite know what it is.

But she can hardly lament that loss now. Chuck is already at the airport, after all, and he needs to go for the future of his software, and she wants that to succeed for him so badly.

"It's okay," she says, trying for upbeat though it does hurt a little, and she knows Amy will be upset. She clears her throat. "It's a good thing, right? If they want you in person, there, then clearly things are going well with your program."

He sighs.  
"Yeah, I guess..." He trails off, and she wonders if he's gonna bring up that worry he'd mentioned last month, that if things change he'll lose them, somehow. After a couple seconds, though, he moves on. "But I'm gonna tell them, in future I need more time to know I'm leaving. They might be paying for the flights and the hotel, but I've got, y'know, commitments, a life."

"I'm sure you'd be fine, but I-" She pauses, pulls a face, tries to work out if and how she should caution him. If it's her place at all. "Is that a good idea? Should you tell them that before everything's final? They could still back out, right?"

"Maybe, yeah, but I'm still gonna say it. I mean it, Sarah, I wanna stick to what I say I'm gonna do, I don't want to have to keep canceling on you guys every time this happens, and if they think I'm okay with it they might just keep doing it. That's not fair, to you or to Ames, to jerk you around like that."  
And, she supposes, he would be probably more likely to lose them that way, if it happened over and over with no warning. It hurts Sarah to even imagine pushing him away, but if he kept disappointing Amy... Well, they'd have to do something, at least, to try and make that better, they couldn't just let it keep happening.

She swallows, reeling it in. She has to accept Chuck's decision, but she doesn't want him to maybe ruin his future just because of her and Amy. She's glad that they're so important to him, but she doesn't want to be the thing holding him back, not at all.  
"Okay. But be careful, yeah? Don't risk too much."

"It's worth it," he murmurs, and then clears his throat when she just stays stuck in silence. She can't help it, he has a knack for stealing her very breath. "Is Amy awake?"

"No, she went down pretty quickly tonight." she says, sympathy in her tone.

He sighs, but she knows it's less at her and more at himself.  
"I'm sorry, again. I'll get her some things from Seattle to make up for missing movie night- not that that helps." He scoffs, suddenly bitter. "God, the amount of times my Dad would make us pancakes because he missed a baseball game, or ran late for parent-teacher conference day, like it made up for it... And- and he didn't even have a new job as an excuse, y'know? I always promised myself I'd never do that,"

She hums, but as she processes his words realization dawns, and she gapes. Oh, Chuck.  
"Chuck, you're not gonna turn into your Dad if you get this job."

Though she knows logically that she may have just been completely wrong, suddenly, a lot of things make a lot of sense. Is this where Chuck's hesitancy is coming from? Is that why he's worried he's gonna lose them? Like his Dad just left and abandoned Chuck, chose something else over his family and children, he doesn't want to do the same to them, to Amy? And he's scared, maybe, that he will?

"You don't know that," Chuck murmurs. His voice is low, dark, and she doesn't like it. That's not her Chuck. And she knows, now, this is exactly what he's been worried about. This is why he doesn't want things to change, this is why he's worried that his program being successful, his career taking off, would make him lose them, somehow. He doesn't want to be like his father. Doesn't want to abandon Amy the way his father abandoned his children. And she can't help but wonder just how long he's been thinking this—let alone the incredibly warming idea that he considers Amy as much a child of his as his father did to him and Ellie, somehow.

She grips the phone tighter, presses her point.  
"Yes, I do know it. Chuck, you are-" She cuts herself off, trying to keep it in, but it fights to get out and she swallows. Oh, screw it. This, she can't keep inside—this, she wants him to know, he needs to know. "You're the best man I've ever met. You're here for Amy more than anyone else has ever been, and we're not even... You've missed, what, three movie nights since we started them? And last time you made it up by giving up your Saturday to come to the movies and have dinner with us, that was more than enough, you spent time with us just like you'd missed, you didn't just buy her off. And Amy loves you, and she's got every right to- missing one day, one time, won't change that. It won't make you into your father. I didn't know him but I know you, and I know you're a better man than he could possibly have been."

A silence falls, and she bites her lower lip, wondering if she's just overdone it entirely. After another pause, though, Chuck sighs, if a little shakily.

"God, I'm really gonna miss you these next couple days,"

Her heart pounds in her chest, bursting to get out, and she closes her eyes, keeping it together, though only just.  
"Me too," More than he could ever know.

A mumbled noise sounds out on his end, and he groans a little.  
"Ugh, okay, my flight's boarding. I won't get in until late so I'll call you tomorrow?"

"Yeah," She takes a deep breath, shakes off the heaviness, and smiles. "But text me when you get there, yeah?"

"I will. Bye, Sarah," he murmurs, voice soft and warm. Yeah, that's her Chuck.

"Bye, Chuck. Safe flight." With a soft laugh, he hangs up, and Sarah sighs, sitting on the couch and resting her head in her hands. Because not only will she have to tell Amy tomorrow morning, and not only will she have to deal with a sad little girl until Chuck gets back, but Sarah also knows, she really is gonna miss him. It's strange how she's come to rely on one thing once a week, and the idea of skipping it and not seeing him until, what, Monday? It suddenly seems alien to her. Like a piece is missing.

Because he's a part of their family, he is. And to not have him here will be so strange, even if it's just for a couple days. She's gotten used to the idea of him being just across the hall or at Ellie's place or at the Buy More. Places she can reach. And suddenly she gets why he's worried that things will change if his software takes off. If they were dating then sure, she'd see him a lot more than she does now, but with them just remaining the sort-of-more that they are, it'll be harder to keep a routine. Harder, even, to justify why he needs days off, needs to be notified if he has to fly out somewhere before the day he'll be doing it. You don't get that kind of freedom for a friend. But she learnt, the other week, that she cannot possibly push him away, try to make him move on. Perhaps in the grand scheme of things that's the best choice for both of them, but it isn't what Sarah wants, in the end, and she knows now it's not what Chuck wants, either. He'll wait for them. Wait until she can tell him everything. Which she was about to do, but now he's flown up to Seattle, far from her, from here, from Amy.

She licks her lips, sighs again, and reaches for the TV remote, hoping it can numb her mind to all these thoughts. It doesn't work.

* * *

"You sure you don't wanna watch a movie, baby?" she asks, slipping her arms around her daughter.

"No," Amy sighs. "It's okay."

"Okay," Sarah concedes defeat, strokes Amy's cheek, cuddles the little girl closer where they're both curled up on the couch. Apparently, without Chuck, movie night isn't worth it to Amy, anymore. Even just having some hot chocolate isn't worth it. It's strange that Sarah agrees with that too. And so Amy has settled on cuddling into her mother for the evening, and just wanting warm milk rather than anything special. While Sarah still loves these quiet moments with her daughter, holding her close, comforting her, she also wishes that tonight, it was for a different reason. Not just sadness over the man in their life being states away. Holding her little girl closer still, Sarah kisses her head. Just as Amy shifts closer, though, Sarah's cell phone rings, and Amy shoots up, eyes wide.

"Is-"

"I don't know, bug, let me check," she says, before Amy can get carried away. She'd told the four-year-old that Chuck had said he'd call today, but she didn't say when since he didn't either, and she hasn't wanted to get Amy's hopes up in case it's late again. Reaching and picking up the phone from the other arm of the couch, Sarah checks the screen, thrill running through her when she sees it is indeed their current missing movie night member. She raises a hand to get Amy's attention. "Let me talk to him first, okay?"

Amy squeals at the confirmation, and Sarah smiles as she flips open the phone and holds it to her ear.

"Sarah?"  
It's ridiculous. It's been all of twenty four hours and yet, she's missed his voice. She's gone far longer not hearing it before, but something now gets to her, and she sighs contentedly, grins.

"Hi," she murmurs.

He laughs softly, almost disbelievingly, it sounds like.  
"Hey,"

"Chuck!" Amy cries out happily, Sarah's request apparently lasting all of five seconds, though she can't find it in her to be mad. Her daughter's far too sweet for that.

Still in Sarah's ear, Chuck laughs louder this time.  
"Hey, bug," he murmurs, sounding a little distant, and Sarah smiles.

"I'll just put her on now and then we can talk later,"

He chuckles, warm, low.  
"Alright,"

Handing the phone over, Amy holds it up to her ear with both hands.  
"Hi Chuck!" she says again, and though Sarah can't hear the other side of the line anymore she imagines Chuck is repeating his greeting, too. Amy sighs a little. "Miss you."

After a few more beats, she gasps, and Sarah raises an eyebrow.

"What is it, Ames?"

"Chuck's gonna get me presents!"

She laughs softly, tickling Amy's cheek.  
"That's great, baby. Why don't you tell Chuck about your day, what you did at daycare?" Nodding frantically, Amy launches into a spiel about her day, and Sarah smiles as she watches how happy and upbeat Amy is, yet again, thanks to Chuck.

Eventually, the little girl reaches out with the phone and wiggles it in Sarah's face.  
"He wants to talk to you."

"Okay, well say goodbye, yeah?" she prompts, and Amy blinks.

"Oh." She takes the phone back. "Bye Chuck! Love you."  
With that, she hands it over, hopping off the couch and heading to her desk where it sits by the TV, immediately coloring something, probably for Chuck. On the phone, Sarah hears him clearing his throat before she speaks.

"Hi again,"

He giggles softly, ridiculously cute.  
"Mmm, hey,"

"How was your day?" she asks, struck by how domestic that sounds but saying it anyway. That almost makes it nicer to say. He hums, thinking on it, she guesses.

"It was good. A lot of paperwork, but I don't mind. I'm just back in the hotel, I'm super tired." He snorts a little. "Never thought signing pages all day would make me so sleepy,"

She chuckles. She's been there- agency paperwork was exhausting, and accountancy files aren't much better. Something about sitting down, doing nothing, can be pretty draining. She would say that, but she decides to get right to it, while they're still on the topic of his day.  
"Did you, um, did you tell them what you said were going to?" She pauses, a little nervous about mentioning it outright, and also fearing a little for his answer. "About needing more time before you leave? What did they say?"

"Oh, I, uh, I sort of didn't have to tell them?" He makes an awkward, wincing noise, and she wonders quite what he means. "When I took out my drivers license to fill out one of the ID forms, they saw the photo I have of you me and Ames in my wallet-"

"You have a photo of us in your wallet?" she asks, before she can stop herself. She hadn't known that, though there's a picture with him in her own. Her lips curl up into a smile at just the thought. "Which one?"

He clears his throat.  
"From the zoo? The one you took of us by the-"

"Elephants." she completes, grinning. She loves it too. Amy looks over from her desk with a giggle, and Sarah thinks they must all approve of it, then.

"Yeah, that's the one," he says with a chuckle, before audibly sobering. "Anyway, they, uh, they saw it and they just kind of presumed... So they said because I, I have a family, they'll let me know in advance next time."

She blinks, unsure of what to say about the conclusion his new employers have made. It's hardly an incorrect conclusion, after all. In the end, she just smiles.  
"Okay," When he releases a deep breath, she knows that's the answer he was looking for. Because he is part of their family, why should they make a big deal out of that? Even if he isn't quite there with her, yet. She rubs at her temple, clears her throat, moves on. "How's Seattle?"

"Yeah, it's good. It's raining."

She snorts at his summation.  
"I've never been," she muses, truthfully. The CIA had taken her to so many places, but most of them were outside the US, and though she's travelled plenty, especially with her Dad as a child, she's just never found her way to Seattle. "I only really know the movie,"

"As in, 'Sleepless in'?" he asks with a chuckle, and she nods though he can't see it.

"Yeah. I think I watched that on an airplane once or something, god, I haven't seen it in forever. I barely remember what it's about."  
Even as she speaks, the vague memory clears somewhat, and she holds back the immediate urge to change the subject. Because the movie is essentially about a single parent trying to get on with their life, an overenthusiastic child who wants their parent to be happy, who wants both a father and a mother, a connection at first contact... Though the parallels end there, Sarah supposes, it still cuts a little close to home. To what she can't yet have, but oh, oh so desperately wants.

Apparently oblivious, Chuck hums down the line.  
"Hanks and Ryan, it's a classic." Much like the movie they'd watched on Thanksgiving, Sarah thinks. Right after Chuck had first kissed her, right when the world seemed to be falling down around her. And yet she'd fallen asleep by his side anyway, head on his shoulder, Amy on her lap. Chuck clears his throat, moves on. "Anyway, I just spent the whole day talking about me, what about you, how was your day?"

"Oh, the usual," she says, taking the change of subject and shrugging. It's been a pretty quiet day all around, really. Quiet without him. "Not that interesting, my team got a new company assigned to us,"

"Tell me about it." His words are instant, immediate.

She raises an eyebrow though he won't see it.  
"Seriously?"

"Yes, it's you," he says, like it's completely obvious. "I wanna know."

Warmed an almost embarrassing amount by that, she nods. She tells him the story, and he asks questions, hums at points, and yet again she's overwhelmed by how... kind, he is, she supposes. Not that it's just kind to be interested in the job done by someone you care about, but that he goes out of his way to ask, engage, it feels nice, feels great, really. When the story ends, though, she leans against the couch, worries a loose thread on the leg of her pants as she curls up.

"We've missed you, today," she murmurs, and he sighs, though she thinks it's in agreement more than sadness or frustration.

"I've missed you too, so much. I mean, I even finished at the office here before movie night would've started, I'm just not there with you, y'know?"

She smiles a little sadly, but a thought occurs to her, and she sits up.  
"Actually, I, um, I found something today." She grins. "Do you remember that mix you made me, after the zoo?"

"Yeah?" he says, sounding a little distant as he's recalling it.

"Well, I kept trying to listen to it on the way to work but I'd always just hear the first four songs or something, and then it got lost in the glove compartment when Amy wanted one of her CDs in one morning," She smirks at the parental hazard while hoping that Chuck doesn't mind that she hadn't immediately gotten through the whole thing—it's pretty tricky to get a free moment to listen to music when you have an impatient four-year-old. "It's just stayed out there, I hadn't found it in months. But I put it on today and I skipped the first few tracks so I could hear the rest,"  
And somehow, she'd both missed him even more, and a little less. Because listening to his choices of songs, it had almost felt like having him there, in a way. Even if he's actually farther away than he's ever been.

"Did you like 'em?"  
She can hear the grin in his voice, the anticipation.

"Yeah, they were great." She's being truthful. Music novice she may be, but she'd genuinely liked the tunes he'd picked. One, though, has stuck with her until now, it's still in her head. "That, um, that Nina Simone one came on as I pulled into the parking lot at work, and I just had to stay in my car until it finished,"

He laughs softly.  
"Yeah, that one's a great one. I never know how to describe it, it just kinda gives me chills every time."

"I can see why. I think it could definitely become a favorite,"  
She can already imagine it now- the song, playing low, a glass of wine in her hand. Amy would be asleep down the hall, safe and sound, Chuck would be right by Sarah's side where it feels like he's meant to be, an arm around her as they listen to the tune. Right as the melody soars so beautifully, she could look at him, and he'd have that glint in his eyes, the glowing dark affection that never fails to send something impossibly warm shooting down her spine every time. And he could just smile, so soft, and lean in and...

She returns to the present, the now, when Chuck speaks again.

"I've never been prouder of you," he jokes, and she laughs.

Amy tugs on her arm suddenly, apparently having finished her coloring now and immediately getting bored.  
"Mommy, can I have a bath?"

Sarah sighs. Amy may love as much time as possible to speak to Chuck and ramble on and on, but apparently she hasn't quite worked out that her mother might like the same. And of course, while usually the little girl has to be talked into washing and getting ready for bed, typically she's impatient for it today.  
"Just a second, Ames," she says, then speaks back into the phone. "I'm sorry, Chuck, it's-"

"It's fine, honestly," he murmurs with a light chuckle. "Go, I'll call you tomorrow,"

"That- that would be great." She smiles for a bit, and he doesn't say anything and she wonders if he's smiling just the same, before Amy tugs on her arm again and Sarah realizes she's yet to hang up. "Okay, um. Bye, Chuck, goodnight."

"G'night." There's a pause, just a couple beats, before he hangs up, and Sarah wonders if he had anything else to say.

Setting down the phone, and putting the thoughts from her mind, she stands and lifts up Amy.  
"Okay, bug, bath time it is,"

"Is Chuck gonna call again?" Amy asks, blinking cutely as she slips her arms round Sarah's neck.

Sarah nods, smiles, though the smile isn't just for her daughter. She can enjoy this too.  
"Yeah, he said he will tomorrow. So let's get you clean and ready for bed so we can be up early and do a lot of stuff you can tell him all about, yeah?"

"Yeah!"

Chuckling, Sarah carries Amy through to the bathroom, thinking absentmindedly that her four-year-old isn't the only one looking forward to speaking to their neighbor again.

* * *

She's ready for him when he calls on Saturday, and she smirks Amy's way as she sets the phone to speaker. They've been through the plan, now they just need to accomplish it.

"Sarah?" Chuck asks, and she nudges Amy.

"Hi Chuck!"

"Hi Chuck!"

They speak in sync, a chorus, and Chuck laughs across the line.  
"Well hey there, both of you. How are you?"

"We're good," Sarah says, before Amy can ramble into her spiel about their day out. She's not sure how long it'd take and she wants to at least ask something first. "How are you, how's work?"

"It's great, yeah, the papers are signed. We actually finished the whole thing earlier than they'd thought we would."

"Whassat mean?" Amy asks, perplexed, and though Sarah has an idea, she lets Chuck do the talking.

"It means, bug, I'm coming home tomorrow!" Chuck cheers loudly, laughing, and Sarah grins.

Amy of course gasps, bouncing up and down on her seat.  
"What?! Yay yay yay-"

"Calm down, baby, inside voice," Sarah giggles, reaching out and ruffling Amy's hair, calming her a little at the same time.

The little girl looks fairly indignant as she gapes somewhat.  
"Chuck's home tomorrow, Mommy, 's a big deal."

"Yeah, Sarah, it's a big deal." Chuck says from the phone, cheekily, smartly, and she rolls her eyes at the coffee table.

"Hush, you,"  
He snorts, and she grins, even as Amy tugs on her sleeve, looking up at her.

"Mommy, Mommy, can we go see Chuck at th'airport?"

She blinks. Even as she likes the idea, she has no clue where it came from in her daughter's mind, really.  
"I- Chuck, would you want that?" she asks, letting him make the choice rather than solely letting Amy dictate what they do.

He just laughs softly, though, and she can imagine the grin on his face. The wide warm one she loves so much.  
"Sure, I'd love it,"

Amy squeals, giggles, but Sarah leans in with a confused smile.

"Where'd you get that idea, bug?" she asks, and Amy shrugs.

"Movie," she says, gesturing toward the TV. That, makes sense. Sarah had put on a movie for Amy to watch while she was making dinner, but she'd hardly caught any of it herself. Evidently, at some point, some character was at the airport and another character had met them there, and now, Amy has realized that's a thing people do for people they care about, sometimes. Bizarre inspiration though it is, Sarah loves the idea.

"Oh yeah?" Chuck asks. "What else have you done today, Ames? I wanna hear it all,"

Needing no further prodding, Amy grins, cuddling into Sarah's side as she speaks.  
"We went to the pool! I did swimming, and, I, I used the big floaties, and we went down the slides!"

Chuck laughs softly.  
"That sounds fun. I love the pool."

Amy gasps yet again, finding the information astounding, apparently.  
"You can come with us next time," she states, determined, and Chuck laughs again.

Sarah smiles lopsidedly, pretty sure that won't happen anytime soon.  
"Maybe, bug, yeah,"

"What'd you do next?"

"Shopping," she says, a little bored-sounding, and Sarah knows Amy hadn't enjoyed their trip round the store when she'd been confined to her stroller. "And McDonald's!" the four-year-old continues, giggling, much more enthusiastic about that part. They'd both been suitably hungry after swimming and Sarah had felt like indulging in Amy's whims today, so she'd let them go to the fast food restaurant when they'd driven past one after the swimming pool.

"Was that a fun treat?" Chuck asks, and though he won't see it Amy nods fervently.

" _Yes._ I ate all my nuggets! And- and I got a toy!"

He chuckles.  
"I'm kinda jealous."

Amy hums, but doesn't say anything, and Sarah shrugs. A moment passes before Amy looks up at her.  
"You can talk now, Mommy,"

Sarah snorts. How generous of her daughter to include her.  
"Thank you. So, uh, Chuck, is that it all done? The software?"

"Yeah," He heaves a heavy breath. "They want me to work with them full time from late August on. They wanted me this month, but they knew I need... time,"

A sudden strange thought occurs to her, and she frowns, fear starting to race in her.  
"Wait, do they need you in Seattle?" If he moves away, she wouldn't try to stop him, but these past few days alone have showed her how hard that would be to cope with. How much they'd miss him.

He chokes, splutters a little.  
"Oh, god, no, no, I'll be in the LA branch for everything else but this. Even if Starbucks started here there's no way I'm moving to Washington." That's a ridiculous relief, really, even as she chuckles at his joke, takes the light way out. "I've just got too much in LA to wanna leave."

She licks her lips as she thinks on that, knowing what he means. Amongst everything he has here, is them.  
"Well, I'm glad. But it's good that it's all happening."

"It's scary." he murmurs, and she nods. It is. Hell, she'd been terrified just a few seconds ago. This whole thing is new, but to both of them, pretty uncertain and unclear, too, and they don't know where it'll take them. Him.

"I know. But you deserve it, if the software's good, if it can do good." He deserves so much, she thinks, after everything. Progressing here even after being kicked out of Stanford thanks to Bryce, even after landing a job he didn't want, it's incredible. She'd known the moment she met Chuck that he was destined for something more, something better, than the Buy More, than something that doesn't make him happy, and Sarah can't think of goodness happening to a better man. It's just about damn time. "Just think, soon you could be on every magazine and all over the news,"

"Eugh, I hope not." His tone is a little disdainful, and she can imagine the look on his face. "But once this one's done, I really wanna do more things. I had so many ideas for programs and things and this was just the first one I happened to work on. I want to do more."

She furrows her brow, wonders how he can always be striving, thinking, working.  
"Like what?"

"Well, I wanna make a video game, at some point. I designed some in college, but they just…" He trails off, and she doesn't have to try hard to guess just what in college might have derailed those. "But I also, like, wanna make technology more accessible. Make it so that people don't think you have to be a nerd just to do some coding. Make it a lot easier for kids to use computers, get 'em into science."  
Again, he wants to help people. She'd think it insincere if she didn't know him so well, didn't know that really is his motivation.

Amy giggles by her side, having been listening in.  
"I like computers. I got my laptop," she says proudly, preening a little by Sarah's side.

"See, I've already got my first test subject," Chuck jokes, and Sarah snorts at the idea.

"My daughter the guinea pig."

Though Chuck laughs, Amy frowns, perplexed.  
"I'm not a guinea pig, I'm a Amy."

Grinning, laughing, Sarah leans in, kisses Amy's head. Sometimes her daughter is just unbelievably sweet.  
"Yes, you are, and we love you for it."

"We do." Chuck murmurs on the phone, warm and truthful as ever.

Grinning at that, Amy leans back into the couch, but then jumps up.  
"I wanna paint!"

Sarah holds her back, gently.  
"Well, why don't we say goodbye to Chuck first and then you can paint for a little while before bedtime?"

"Oh." She frowns a little as she apparently tries to work out if that's a fair deal, stopping speaking to Chuck but getting to use her paints, but eventually she nods. "Okay!"

"Chuck, what time does your flight get in?" Sarah asks, since she realizes now she has no idea, and she would like to pick him up tomorrow, not just because Amy does.

"Uh, 3:30."

She grins.  
"Okay, we'll see you at the airport then,"

"Alright. I can't wait." Yet again, his voice is just low, soft. It sends something burning through Sarah, unstoppable, yearning. "G'night, Sarah, Ames,"

"G'night Chuck!" Amy calls happily, and Sarah chimes in with her own quiet "Goodnight,"

"See you tomorrow, guys. Love you,"  
He hangs up after Amy jubilantly says she loves him too, and Sarah stays on the couch as her daughter moves again, running through to her room to fetch her paints.

She knows Chuck was saying those last words to Amy, she knows. But hearing them still sent a jolt through her, confusing and sudden. And she lets herself wonder if maybe, maybe, when all this comes to a head, when she's finally managed to explain everything to Chuck, open up more than she ever has done with anyone, some day those words could be meant for her too.

When her daughter comes back a minute later, trying to pull Chuck's old Stanford shirt on but somehow having gotten both her arms through the head hole, Sarah can't help but think, she can hardly wait for that day to come.

* * *

She's increasingly glad she'd asked Amy to hold off on the glitter. One look at the airport floor, covered in scuffs and dirt and gum, and Sarah thinks it's suffered enough.  
Instead, her daughter is carrying just a brightly-colored sign, emblazoned with the word _Chuck,_ shakily written. Amy had done something she often does when writing since she's still so new to the practice (Sarah had had to write the word out first just so she could copy it)—she'd overestimated the size of the paper, so the opening C is giant and the closing K is somewhat squashed skinnily onto the page since she'd run out of room. Along with the backwards second C, it's pretty adorable, and Sarah's glad she'd suggested Amy make it just to kill some time for her impatient child this morning. The arrivals hall is hardly crowded, and with Chuck's height he'll have an advantage in seeing them anyway, but Sarah had ignored those facts since Amy had gleefully run away with the idea.

She eyes the clock, seeing it nearing 4pm. With Chuck's flight due in at 3:30, Sarah hadn't bothered getting to the airport until at least 3:45, with disembarking, the wait for luggage, the inevitably always super long walks out of airports- why do they need so many halls?-, obviously going to delay him a little in getting to them. And she hadn't wanted Amy to get bored. The way the little girl still eagerly watches every single person who comes through the doors after being here for fifteen minutes, though, Sarah doesn't think Amy will tire any time soon.

She smooths down Amy's hair, flattening an unruly curl.  
"You okay, baby?"

"Mmhm! I'm excited,"

Sarah chuckles, looking down at her little girl.  
"You've missed Chuck, haven't you?"

"Yeah," Amy says, a little sadly, and Sarah tries not to feel bad over it again. They've gone longer periods without seeing Chuck before, like over Christmas, or before movie nights had started, but again, those were with warning, or without having to cancel plans to do it. Even with calling him when he's been gone, the little girl has still missed him. "But he's almost here!"

"He is," Sarah smiles, tickling her daughter's cheek. "But remember you have to stay with me until he's close, this place is busy and there's gonna be a lot of people coming out with him."  
Amy nods, the words and instructions familiar to her, but Sarah likes to repeat these things a couple times just to make sure.

After a few more minutes, another sea of people filter out through the doors, luggage in hand, and Sarah spies that the tag on a passing suitcase is marked JFK. Checking the arrivals screen, she sees that was the flight in before Chuck's, and braces herself.  
"Not long now, baby."

Humming, Amy nods again.  
"Can Chuck stay for dinner at home?"

"If he wants to, then sure," she says with a smile, knowing he'll have to come over at some point with those presents he said he'd gotten Amy. Dinner together could be nice, a way to unwind, spend time with each other.

Amy giggles, tapping her feet, brimming with excitement now, and Sarah smiles yet again. She's honestly pretty excited too, and a strange thrill of anticipation is settling in her stomach. Because she and Chuck seem to have become closer, these past few days, talking on the phone, and she wants to see him now, now that his deal is done and things could change once his software is released, she wants to reassure him that if he's here, they're here too. And she kinda just wants to hug him. A lot. There's always an overwhelming sense of warmth, security, that rushes over her when he holds her close, and she likes it. Almost craves it now.

A couple minutes later, another wave of passengers start coming through the doors, and Sarah braces herself. There are couples, kids, giant groups of teenagers, business people, travellers in summery clothes, and then, walking through the doors, eyes scanning round, is Chuck. He's in a rumpled t-shirt and jeans, bag in hand, his hair is a little mussed and very curly, and his gaze finds hers almost immediately.  
When his lips turn up into one of those bright wide grins she loves so much, she can't help but grin in reply, something content and warm fluttering in her stomach.

He heads their way, and Sarah nudges Amy. The little girl looks around, confused, and Sarah chuckles, points an arm Chuck's way. He's a little ways away, but the path to him is clear and Sarah isn't surprised when Amy looks out in the direction she's pointing, and when, after her eyes go wide, she immediately runs toward him with a loud squealing laugh. She throws herself up at him as she reaches him, and as ever, Chuck catches her, scoops her up into a hug. Sarah watches as he spins on the spot and Amy giggles even more, clutching him tight. A few people walking past look at the sight with kind smiles, and, feeling a little like she wants people to eye her with such a look too, Sarah can't help herself, she walks toward him, grinning as she hears Amy still laughing.

"Hiya, bug!" Chuck says as he slows.

"I missed you!" Amy squeals, kicking her feet, and he laughs softly.

"I missed you too," He nuzzles her hair, making her giggle again, and Sarah feels her heart tug as she steps up to them. Chuck turns, eyes finding hers once more. "Hi," he breathes, a little dreamily, and she smiles.

"Hi,"

He sets Amy down by his feet, and the little girl immediately curls into his legs. He sends her a quick smile before he looks back up at Sarah.

"It is... so good to see you," he murmurs, and his voice stirs something within her, aching for him.

She grins, nods.  
"You too." And with that, she hugs him, pulls him close and rests her head on his shoulder, feeling that oh so expected warmth surround her as his arms slip around her waist. It's just as much of a relief as she'd thought. She pulls back, but keeps her arms around him. "I'm glad you're home."

He smiles softly, nods.  
"Yeah, so am I." He presses a soft kiss to her cheek before he steps away, and looks back down at Amy. "Whatcha got there, bug?"

Amy giggles, lifts her up her sign, nigh-useless since she ran toward him anyway.  
"For you, for you to see us!"

Leaning down, he takes it, looks at it and grins.  
"It's awesome, Ames, thank you,"

Giggling, Amy sends Sarah a pleased look, and she grins. She's aware that they're still just standing in the middle of the arrivals hall, though, so she nods.  
"Okay, guys, let's go home,"

She reaches for Chuck's bag before he can, but he doesn't protest, just scoops up Amy again as he stands, and sends her a thankful look. Nodding her head toward the exit, they start to walk out, Amy chattering, and she just keeps talking the whole journey home in the car, Chuck talking about Seattle in the very brief pauses the little girl allows him.  
It's nice, and is just like they always are, and Sarah feels suddenly grateful as they step into the apartment, Chuck following with his bag in hand. She knows he'll go back to his own place eventually, of course, but there's still a full kind of warmth in him not leaving, yet, staying with them. Coming back here with them like this is his home too.

"Amy would like you to stay for dinner," she says, as she helps the little girl in question out of her shoes, and Chuck grins.

"Okay. But, uh, before then I might have some presents for you," he says with a smirk, and Amy giggles excitedly as she heads over to the couch and promptly sits down, awaiting her gifts. Smirking, Chuck unzips his carry-on, tugging out a plastic bag from one of the sides. He hands it to Amy, then pulls out another, smaller bag, and hands it to Sarah.

She raises an eyebrow.  
"You didn't say you were gonna get me anything," she says, a little chastening. He just shrugs.

"I wanted to,"

Narrowing her eyes teasingly, she sits on the couch by Amy's side, and Chuck perches on the arm of the sofa, watching them. Amy pulls out a little space needle statue, a stuffed bear with a t-shirt decorated with the Seattle skyline, and a bunch of candy and chocolates too, plus a shiny new coloring book. Sarah opens her bag to find a new fridge magnet, a bag of rather fancy looking coffee, and a necklace. It's not Seattle or Washington themed, just a simple gold chain set in a box from a jewelry store, a small gold charm the centerpiece. She's still staring at it when Amy throws her arms around Chuck in a thankful hug.

"I _love_ them, thank you, Chuck," the little girl says, squeezing Chuck tight. He laughs softly, and Sarah's so glad to hear that laugh in person again rather than down a phone line.

"You're welcome, bug. It doesn't make up for missing our movie night but I wanted to get you some stuff anyway," He tickles her cheek then tucks a curl behind her ear, and Amy just shrugs as she cuddles into him.

"S'okay,"

"Well, I don't wanna miss anymore." he says, sounding decided, and Sarah knows he's thinking back to that worry he'd mentioned when he'd called her as he'd been leaving. His worry about his father, about not wanting to become like him, not wanting to let everything slip away, not wanting to have to buy Amy off with gifts like his Dad had tried to do to him. "I like our movie nights,"

"I like 'em too!" Amy giggles, settling into Chuck's lap, and Sarah smirks. Chuck grins at her, but then looks a little nervous.

"Do you, uh, d'you like your stuff?"

She lifts up the necklace, still in its box.  
"You really didn't have to get me anything, let alone..."

"I know. And- and I wasn't, I wasn't gonna get you that, but talking to you, when I was over there..." He shakes his head, looking a little lost in thought, shifts Amy apparently absentmindedly. "You stopped me freaking out, you reminded me that, that moving on with the software's a good thing. And, y'know, you got me out of my head when I was saying I felt like... my dad. So it's, it's kinda a thank you, as well as a souvenir."

She smiles softly, shakes her head.  
"You're too good to us, you know that?"

"Not possible," he murmurs, low, utterly serious. His eyes are burning into hers that way they only ever seem to do, and she wonders if they'll ever stop captivating her, reeling her in.

Before she does something rash like lean into him and tackle him, mainly because her four-year-old is present, she makes herself pull back, sighs, stands.  
"I, um, I better get started on dinner. Pasta okay?"

He nods, smiles lopsidedly.  
"Sure. Anything I can do to help?"

"No, you stay here," she says, almost insistently, still so wishing to fall into him. He stays, though, with Amy cuddling into him, since the little girl doesn't seem to want to let go, and Sarah heads through into the kitchen, getting out the right pots and pans to make spaghetti and meatballs. After a couple minutes, though, she hears the TV turn on, low, and she feels Chuck's presence behind her. She doesn't turn away from the stove, just holds her breath.

He clears his throat.  
"If it was too much, I'm sorry,"

"It wasn't," she murmurs, still not turning around. She's not lying. The gift was lovely, tasteful, exactly something she'd wear.

"Okay. I mean, I meant what I said. I was freaking out, just leaving like that, and I just needed to talk to you. I don't know what it is about you, Sarah, but you just... calm me." His voice is strained, aching, and it makes emotion run through her, a similar ache. Biting her lip, she rests her hands on the counter, curling them into fists. "And I saw that yesterday, and I just knew I had to get it."

She turns to look at him slowly, nods.  
"It's beautiful. Thank you."

He nods too, hands in his pockets, and she sees he looks tense, awkward. She wonders if he knows he calms her too, infinitely so. Amy giggles at something on the TV, and a look shutters on Chuck's face.  
"God, I really missed you guys,"

And, at that, Sarah just can't hold back. His feelings for her are one thing, but when those combine with his feelings for Amy, what he is to the little girl, and just how much he cares, so much, about the both of them, she just can't stay away. Stepping toward him, she hugs him again, but this is tighter than the airport, deeper, more desperate, aching with missing each other. He clutches at her waist, she feels him press his face into her hair, and she holds him tight. It feels like something's changed, somehow, in his going away, and it's a ridiculous notion because it was only a few days, but god, she really did miss him, so much.  
She pulls back, cups his cheeks, smiles at him, and when he smiles softly back his eyes are yearning, loving.

"We missed you, I missed you, too." She takes a deep breath. "It felt weird, you not being here. I hadn't realized how much you'd just become a part of us,"

He blinks, tenses under her touch. His eyes dart down to her mouth, but he doesn't lean in, and she knows he's holding back, trying to keep his thoughts, feelings, something, inside. But she just can't do that, not right now, and so she leans in, and when he doesn't pull away, she kisses him, soft, sweet, gentle. He immediately kisses her back just the same, smiles against her, and it makes her insides burn with an overwhelming, joyous, affection. His hands stroke her sides gently before she pulls back, and she can't bear to move just yet, so when he keeps her close she slips her arms back around him and rests her head against his chest. His arms encircle her, pull her close, perfect as always, and she lets herself be held, be calmed, for just a few moments longer.

* * *

 **a/n 2:** Mmhmmm. Fun fact, I hadn't watched Sleepless in Seattle when I first wrote this chapter. A couple weeks later it was on TV and I caught the start of it and I suddenly realized it would be kinda fun to reference it in this story, when I'd already randomly chosen Seattle, and in some ways, the plot kinda fits this fic. Like I said, I really loved writing this chapter, making these three fall even more for each other from afar, and writing that scene in the airport, and the one back at their apartment, just felt so dang heartwarming… And hey, don't think I forgot about that zoo mix! I had to fit Feeling Good into this fic somewhere—and keep your eyes out. It may just reappear. If you liked this chapter, please leave me a review on your way out, and I'll see you in a few days for Chapter 21, 'The Emergency'. Gasp.

-Kiera :)


	21. The Emergency

**summary:** Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they find a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

 **a/n:** And, cue sirens… Here we are at the ominously-named Emergency. I won't spoil things too much, so ramblings and thanks are at the bottom. For now, I'll just say I hope you enjoy.

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Chuck, hospitals, teddy bear paper, or keys. Again, no Amy Walkers were (badly) harmed in the making of this chapter.

* * *

 **The Emergency**

It's never a reassuring thing when she gets a phone call from Amy's daycare midway through the day, while she's at work. But today, before she even picks up, something in Sarah knows this isn't the usual kind of call. This isn't just a check to see if Amy is really allowed to drink a certain type of soda she's insisting she can have, or confirmation that Sarah will be around to pick Amy up at a certain time. Something in her knows this is different, whether a spy sense or maternal instinct or a gut feeling. Just, something.  
And when Jenny starts with "I think everything's fine, but..." Sarah can't stop the fear that spreads through her.

She manages to stay calm as she explains her situation to her superiors in her office, as she apologizes to her coworkers, as she heads to the elevator. Everyone looks a little worried for her, and that just makes her feel worse. She keeps it inside, though, right up until the moment she steps out into the parking lot, and freezes right by the entrance. Alone in the cold, empty space, reality sets in, and with it, the inevitable freak out. Her little girl is hurt, not badly, it seems, but still hurt, and Sarah has to go get her right now, and she needs to calm down and get it together but how can she not worry, over this, over Amy? She tries to make her feet move, tries to get to her car, but it's like she's stuck fast.

Gulping down a breath, she reaches for her phone, dials the only person she can think of.

"Sarah?"

His voice is calm, even, and her eyes slip shut as she lets out a deep breath at just the sound of him.  
"Hey, um. I just wanted to talk." she says, suddenly controlled enough to move, and crossing the lot to her car.

"Is something wrong?" Chuck asks, immediately, and his being so observant is both a relief and a curse. He can always pick up on this with her, now, and she never knows what to make of that. She hasn't known since he somehow realized, after just three words, that something was wrong when Bryce had showed up, and so much in Sarah's life just changed completely. Irreversibly.

"I don't know," she admits, sighing as she tugs open her drivers side door and slips into the front seat. "I- I just got a call from the daycare, Amy was playing and she hit her head."

"Oh my god, is she okay?"  
He sounds worried, and Sarah pauses before replying. Because really, what he's asked is the big question here. And she just doesn't know for sure.

"They think so, but Ames is saying she feels dizzy and sick, so I'm headed over there to pick her up. I'm gonna take her to the hospital." She rubs at her temples as the beginning of a headache starts to spread, tense, instantly upping her stress.

"God, Sarah. What can I do?" he asks, pleading, and she sighs.

"I don't know." She reaches up, worries the charm of her still-new necklace between her thumb and forefinger. She hasn't worn it much, it feels too special to her to risk wearing it out, but this morning, she'd just felt like putting it on. Right now, it's such a comfort to her she's very glad for her choice. And she can't help but think on what Chuck had told her, just the other week when he'd given it to her. That something about her calms him. It's still the same for her. "I just needed to talk to you. Before I got too worried."

Another time, maybe, she'd regret her forwardness, openness. Today she can't find the energy to even feel a little embarrassed. She knows, by now, that they need him. She needs him. She'd known it months ago, and she especially knew it when she'd missed him like a part of her when he'd been just a few states away for three days. And she's relished every moment with him since then, even if, still, it's hard to get a moment alone to talk.

He sighs, pauses.  
"Are you going to Westside?"

"Yeah,"

"I'm gonna come meet you." he says, strong, decided, and she blinks.

"What?" she asks right away, before she's even really processed what he's said.

"I'm gonna come meet you." Even as he repeats it, she still blinks, stunned. He's made up his mind, just like that. It reminds her a little of when he'd suddenly decided to come over when Amy was sick. But then, she'd been crying right next to Sarah, only wanting Chuck. Now, they don't even know what Amy wants, she's far from Sarah, right now, and Chuck still wants to come anyway. How much her little girl must mean to him still gets to her and stuns her, sometimes. "I'm just at home, right now, doing nothing. If I can help, I wanna come be with you guys."

Leaning back in her seat, she shakes her head. How does he know that that's exactly what she needs, right now? She's been lucky- though Amy is frequently clumsy she hasn't hurt herself that often in her four years. But when she was two, the little girl's stubbornness and a lack of understanding about how heavy doors can be had meant she'd wrenched her shoulder so bad it had almost dislocated, and though Sarah had checked it herself and known it didn't need setting, Amy had been crying so much she'd had to take her to the emergency room anyway just in case something else was wrong. She'd been fine in the end, but it had been worrying, being there alone, watching as Amy screamed as a nurse checked her out, and having nobody else there. She's been somewhat terrified about a hospital trip like this ever since.

But now Chuck will be there. And Sarah's reminded again of just how much of a blessing he feels, in their lives.

She clears her throat, turns the key in the ignition.  
"Thank you,"

"Always." She knows he means it. "I'll wait for you at the entrance, okay?"

"Okay." she manages to murmur, nodding to herself and reaching for her seatbelt. Chuck will be there. And Amy is probably fine. This will be okay, they'll be okay.

"Go get her," he says warmly, and she smiles.

"Bye, Chuck,"

When he says his own farewell, she floors the gas, and races over to the daycare.

Much to Sarah's relief, when she reaches the daycare Amy seems fine, physically. There are no gaping wounds on her head, no giant bumps yet, but she does look unusually tired and a little bit queasy, and Sarah carries her to the car, holding her close. When she buckles her into her seat, she sits the plastic bowl Jenny had offered up in the little girl's lap, just in case Amy feels sick along the way. She drives slowly to the hospital, talking to Amy all the time to keep the girl alert even if she only gets quiet murmured answers in reply, and in the end she pulls up into a space about a half hour after talking to Chuck. And, when she looks around, she finds their neighbor standing by the hospital's entrance already, looking a little anxious, hands in his pockets. He really is here, just like he'd said he would be. She hadn't doubted him at all, but it still feels such a relief to even see him. She parks as near to him as she can get, slipping out of the car and heading to Amy's side.

"You good to walk, baby, or do you want me to carry you?"

Amy rubs at her eyes, lifts up her arms.  
"Carry,"

"Okay, bug," She sighs just a little, unbuckling the four-year-old and scooping her up, cradling her head. "You still feeling dizzy?"

"Yeah," Amy nods slowly, and Sarah cuddles her closer.

"Okay, well we'll get the doctor to look at you and see what we can do to get you feeling better, yeah?" At another nod, Sarah locks the car, and heads across the parking lot to the entrance of the hospital. Chuck sends her a questioning glance when she's near enough, and she strokes Amy's hair, touch feather-light. "Chuck's here, Ames,"

The little girl turns her head at that, evidently to see him, but she doesn't squeal or giggle or say hi like she most always does with him, and that somehow worries Sarah the most. She crosses the road and walks up to him, and he smiles just a little.

"How's she doing?"

"No better, I think," Sarah murmurs, and Chuck sighs, slips his arm around her in a one-armed hug, pressing his lips to her temple. She takes a deep breath, wills herself to relax for Amy's sake. With Chuck by her side, it's a hell of a lot easier than it could be. He truly does calm her. And right now, his arm around her and his warmth right next to her, she finds herself calming, just like that.

He pulls back, leans down a little to tuck a curl behind Amy's ear.  
"Hey, bug. You not feeling so good?"

She shakes her head, cuddling into Sarah, and Chuck smiles sadly. Though she wishes she could stay here, quiet, with him, Sarah knows the sooner she can get Amy seen to the sooner she can start feeling better, hopefully, and she herself can stop worrying, so she turns toward the doors, Chuck moving with her. They head into the hospital, noises clamoring all around, and Amy just cuddles into her mother more at the busy scene. Just as Sarah tenses, though, Chuck's hand slips into her own, anchoring, squeezing before letting go, and she nods as she walks up to the front desk. She relays what happened, and the little girl's symptoms, and the receptionist nods, takes it all in before telling them where to go. Eventually, they're shown to a curtained-off room, a little bed with teddy bear printed paper sat upon it taking up the middle of the space, along with a small desk, chair tucked under it. Sarah tries to set Amy down on the bed, but the four-year-old doesn't want to let go, stays clinging to her, and Sarah sighs, eventually just perching on the end of the cot and holding Amy as they wait for the nurse to come in.

"Can I... Can I do anything?" Chuck asks after a while, and Sarah turns to him, sees him watching them both in concern. Before she can say anything, though, a nurse comes in in purple scrubs, smiling at both of them kindly, followed by an assistant.

"Hi," the assistant says. "I'm just here to ask a couple questions,"

"And I am here, to check on this one," The nurse smiles down at Amy. "Before the doctor arrives."

Immediately, Amy clings to her mother even more, cowering a little, and Sarah blinks, looks between the two members of staff.  
"Um, Chuck, would you mind...?" she asks, and immediately, Chuck steps forward, dealing with the assistant. And while he gives their details, gets their insurance information from Sarah's purse, repeats Amy's name and what happened to her, Sarah stays holding her little girl in her lap while the nurse takes her vitals and notes them down. Though Sarah chimes in occasionally where Chuck doesn't know things, mostly, he's right on point. Yet again, an extra pair of hands is helpful in ways she'd never imagined, here.

Once the staff are done, it's a long twenty minute wait before a woman heads through the curtains of their room, clipboard in hand. She smiles kindly, her whole demeanor not too upbeat but still pleasant.

"Hi, I'm Doctor Andrews. I understand this little lady isn't feeling too good?" Sarah nods, and Chuck sends a tight smile of agreement, too. "Are you the parents?"

She looks at them expectantly, and Sarah suddenly realizes that, perhaps, Chuck isn't supposed to be here. It's not a big emergency, no, but she's not sure about the policy or rules here, and she knows in some places, only family is allowed. It had never come up when the nurse and assistant had been here, perhaps they'd just assumed... She swallows.

"Yes," she says, before Chuck can say anything, even as she immediately feels regretful at just throwing him into this. She just needs him, though, at this moment, and she knows if he isn't seen as a parent, or her spouse, or something that actually ties him to Amy other than just their friend which is technically all he is, he might not be allowed to be in here with them, and she can't really bear that idea right now.

He doesn't protest, doesn't splutter by her side, doesn't ask her what the hell she's doing. She daren't look at him to see the expression on his face, but he just stays quiet. She wonders if that's telling.

Apparently spying nothing wrong with them, the doctor nods and smiles again, looking down at the chart in her hands and nodding.  
"Alright, would you mind just sitting her down and I can take a look at her? Maybe without her cuddling into you, Mom?"

Since Sarah had pretty much expected this, she stands, and goes to sit Amy down on the bed by herself. But just as before, the little girl clings to her, and she sighs sadly.

"C'mon, Ames, you gotta let go and let the doctor check your head, okay?"

Amy shakes her head, clutches closer.  
"Don't wanna,"

"It'll help you feel better, bug," Chuck says, sounding pained, and Amy looks up, questioning. "She just needs to see what's wrong so she can help,"

Relenting, probably at the fact that both her grown-ups are telling her to do the same thing, Amy lets go, sitting on the bed, and Sarah strokes her back reassuringly with one hand. The other finds Chuck's, wordlessly, reassuringly. The doctor looks at them both and smiles, before sitting on the chair and wheeling herself in front of Amy, staying on her level.

"Hi, Amy, I'm Doctor Andrews. You hit your head?"

Amy nods, and Sarah watches as she complies with a few exercises, following the doctor's finger and checking her vision, saying if her head hurts, testing her reflexes and memory and speech. The whole time, Chuck's hand is in Sarah's, and she clutches it tight as she just watches her little girl, silently praying she'll be okay.

Eventually, the doctor sits back, sends them a reassuring smile.  
"She's fine, she's got no signs of a concussion or anything else. The dizziness is probably just from her head itself hurting, she's getting a little bit of a bruise back there. But she's good to go home."

Sarah breathes a sigh of relief, sags against Chuck.  
"Thank god,"

The doctor smiles again.  
"It's normal to be concerned about these things, especially with head trauma, you did the right thing to bring her in just in case." She turns to Amy, grins a little more. "Your Mommy and Daddy were worried about you, but you're gonna be fine, okay, Amy?"

The little girl nods, not even picking up on the doctor's words as anything unusual or notable, even as Sarah feels Chuck instantly tense by her side, his hand tightening around hers. He still doesn't say anything, though, doesn't correct the doctor yet again, and Sarah wonders once more just what that means. No matter what, it seems important. Significant. That he's okay to just go along with this ruse.

She clears her throat.  
"If she's still feeling sick or hurt, what should I do?"

"Children's Tylenol and plenty of rest, the usual. It'll just take a little while for the headache to go but other than that," Doctor Andrews shrugs. "It's a waiting game."

Sarah nods, reaching out to Amy. The little girl instantly lifts her arms, wanting held again, and Sarah scoops her up, cradling her, stroking down her hair- being careful to avoid the bump on her head- and kissing her cheek.  
"Thank you," Sarah says, nodding to the doctor, and the woman smiles.

Chuck reaches out a hand, and the doctor shakes it.  
"Yeah, thank you,"

"Not a problem." As she pulls back, though, Doctor Andrews frowns. "I'm sorry, I just realized, do I know you?"

He pauses, shifts on his feet, just minutely, but Sarah still sees it, still sees his slight unease.  
"Um, maybe? My sister's a neurologist, she works here,"

Something clicks on the doctor's features.  
"Doctor Bartowski?"

"That's her," He nods, sounding a little awkward, and Sarah holds back a wince. It hadn't really crossed her mind until now that this is the same hospital Ellie and Devon both work at, and that Chuck may well have been here many times, or any number of doctors here might know his sister and Awesome, at least. She knows it's because she'd been so worried about Amy, of course, but this is still pretty awkward.

"Oh, you're... Chuck, right? Yeah, your sister's talked about you a little, I can see the resemblance," She chuckles softly, and Chuck nods, smiles politely like he wants to end this conversation. Of course, Sarah thinks, Chuck's polite smile is still pretty warm and kind, unlike many people's. It's a very Chuck thing. He steps in to Sarah's side, a hand on her back.

"We good to go?" he asks, looking at her, and she's sure he's asking before this doctor mentions the resemblance between Chuck and Amy, or says that Ellie's never mentioned having a niece before, or something else jolting and strange like that to make today even more odd than it already is for them all. She turns to him, nods, and with another round of thanks they leave the doctor.

They head back through the hospital halls, and Amy starts to doze in Sarah's arms, and she thinks they've maybe just managed to get out of this strange situation sort of unscathed, even with the doctor's comment and Sarah's lie. But, as they pass the elevators, a pair of doors slide open, and confused noise suddenly sounds out.

"Chuck? Sarah?" A voice asks, and the three of them turn as one to see Ellie walking out of the elevator behind them, dressed in her scrubs. Her hair's tied up, clothes rumpled, like she's been working for a while. And she looks very confused to see them. "What are you guys doing here?"

Chuck steps closer to them, smooths down Amy's hair, gently still, clearly aware of the bruise still blooming.  
"Ames hit her head, didn't you bug?

The little girl nods, but Ellie frowns, and initially Sarah thinks it's because the doctor is wondering quite why that means her brother is here; he has no obligation to them, after all, and Amy hitting her head doesn't automatically equal Chuck's being here with them. Or at least, it probably doesn't to Ellie. To Sarah, though, it makes sense, now. When Ellie's expression turns to concern, however, Sarah realizes the other woman is actually just worried.

"Is she okay? Did you get her checked out?"

"We did, the doctor said she's fine," Sarah says, shifting Amy up in her arms. "She's just got a headache and a bruise, right baby?" Amy nods against Sarah's shoulder, making a murmur of agreement.

"Who did you see?" Ellie asks, walking right up to them, and Sarah shifts Amy round so Ellie can check out the lump on the little girl's head. Easily trusting her favorite doctor, Amy stays still patiently.

"Uh, Doctor Andrews?" Chuck says, clearing his throat a little, sounding like he's still awkward over being recognized by the woman.

Ellie looks up at him with a confused expression, but nods.  
"I know her. Not too well, but she's nice." That's a relief to Sarah, frankly. If the colleagues aren't close then maybe they're not the type to chat and catch up. Maybe Doctor Andrews won't ask Ellie about her brother's sudden child. Now, the brunette looks down at Amy, a sympathetic expression on her features. "That's quite a bump, Amy. Does it still hurt?"

Amy nods a little.  
"'S better,"

Ellie nods too, smiling a little, then looks to Sarah.  
"If it still hurts for her tomorrow, just come to me, I'll check it again, okay?" Her tone is insistent, leaving no room for argument, but in a warm, helpful way, and Sarah smiles.

"Thank you, Ellie,"

"Of course." she says with a kind, kind smile, like it's completely obvious. Like she wouldn't even imagine not offering such a thing. She reaches out, rests a hand on Sarah's arm briefly, comforting. "We're practically family,"

It's strange just how much Sarah agrees with that. Nodding again, she cuddles Amy closer.

"We should probably get home, get Ames some medicine," Chuck murmurs, and Sarah nods, smiling again at Ellie.

The doctor nods.  
"See you guys later," She grins, waving at Amy, who manages a little wave in reply, and they leave, Chuck's hand guiding and strengthening on Sarah's back until they reach her car.

"You just gonna go home?" he asks, once she's settled Amy into her booster seat, closed the door, the plastic bowl still on her lap just in case, although the four-year-old does seem less queasy now.

Looking up at Chuck, Sarah nods, takes a deep breath like that'll do much to ease the worry still sitting in her bones.  
"Yeah, I took the day off work as an emergency when the daycare called me, I don't have to head back. I'd rather stay home so I can keep an eye on her anyway," He nods, slips his hands into his pockets, and she tilts her head. "You said you had the day off too?"

"Yeah, I do," he murmurs, and she smiles a little.

"Come over?"  
Yet again today, she's not embarrassed by her bluntness, not even the slightest bit. He's been such a rock today, by her side, and she just wants him to stay. She always wants him to stay, now.

He nods slowly, a hand finding hers, fingers tangling before he squeezes them reassuringly.

"Of course," Once more, and also much like his sister just a few minutes ago, he makes it sound like the most obvious thing in the world to him. Like he couldn't imagine doing anything else.

And that just makes something tug within Sarah, yearning, warm, grateful. Even with the awkwardness of today, Chuck sort of pretending he's Amy's dad, even with the potential of his sister finding that fact out and whatever that could bring, even with Sarah just leaving him in that situation, he still wants to be with her, to stay by her side.  
She squeezes his hand tight in return, then lets go, murmuring a quick farewell before slipping into the drivers seat, and heading home.

When he knocks on the door, she's sitting on the couch, Amy already asleep with her head in her lap though they only got home fifteen minutes ago. Sarah had barely had time to get the little girl's shoes and coat off and get a little medicine down her before she'd immediately drifted off to sleep, right in her mother's arms.

"Who is it?" Sarah calls, though she knows it's Chuck, from his knock and also just a sense, now. She keeps her voice low, and just hopes it travels to him.

"It's me," Chuck says, quiet too, and Sarah smiles.

"It's open," She'd indeed left the door unlatched, figuring this situation might happen. A risk, true, but a necessary one. Being careful about who's at the door, and keeping it constantly locked, might be something she usually begrudgingly sticks to with the threat over their heads, but she wasn't going to disturb her sick little girl just for the risk of an asshole escaped criminal. And so she'd left the door open. Chuck comes in a moment later, smiling softly and closing the door behind him, and a sudden thought comes to her. She speaks before he can sit down. "Hey, go to the kitchen? The drawer underneath the microwave, the compartment in the back."

Frowning, somehow with a little smirk, he heads to the kitchen diligently, and comes back, object in hand. He raises it, an eyebrow too, one of those indecipherable looks in his eyes.  
"A key?" he asks with a faint smile.

"It's yours," She shrugs, smiling a little. "For here. I've been meaning to give you it for a while, but I keep forgetting,"  
That, and she knew that just presenting it to him would be a big deal, somehow. These sorts of moments always are, giving someone access to your home, your life, handing them the key to enter all that. That implies a trust that, she knows, she and Chuck sometimes ignore they have. But they do have it, it's there for them, she trusts him implicitly. Giving him the key this way, though, is easier, less awkward and significant-feeling. Even if it very much is significant. This is her letting him into her home, whenever he wants, theoretically. He's almost a part of this home anyway, now.

He smiles softly, wider, strange look upon his face, but wordlessly sits down next to her, tucking the key into his pocket. He rests an arm behind her on the couch, other hand gently, tenderly, shifting the curls on Amy's head.  
"Did she crash?"

"Yeah. I'm hoping she'll sleep off the headache," He hums a little at that, and she looks at him, shakes her head. "Thank you, for being there today. I really needed you there."

"Always," he says again, but he leans in. "I really mean that, Sarah. Any time you need me, I'll be there,"  
Oh, she knows.

She licks her lips, looks back at Amy, avoiding Chuck's gaze to try and keep the weight off this conversation. It's there anyway. Much like her trust for him, in him, the weight in their relationship is always there. Every time, every time they talk, every moment they're together, she can feel how important this is, how significant, the two of them, the _three_ of them. But it's especially there right now, and today's events are certainly the cause for that.

"Sometimes I don't know what we did to deserve you," she murmurs, leaning into him, but he just laughs softly.

"I wonder the same thing, but about you guys, and me." She looks back at him, frowns, wonders why he's thinking that. She thinks it, sure, but he's basically been a gift within their lives, warm light and affection where she'd felt, for so long, that that didn't exist, anymore. An extra pair of hands, a hand to hold, as she'd thought before, but so much more than that too. She doesn't deserve him, she knows that. Her sins and her past never should have led such a good, whole person to be with her, to feel whatever it is she knows Chuck feels for her. But Amy deserves him, Sarah knows that, too, for certain. Her sweet, loving little girl who'd latched onto this brilliant man within seconds, within hours. And he's so good with her. She can't help but wonder still why he feels he doesn't deserve them, what he thinks _he's_ done to not deserve them. After eyeing her for a beat—yet again, she wonders if he can see where her head's at, just from her eyes-, he shrugs, keeps going, but looking now like he's trying to work out how to phrase things. "Think about it. I'm just- I'm a nerd, who got kicked out of college, and, and works in a Buy More, and somehow I got lucky enough to end up with you guys in my life,"

No, she can't help but think—she's the lucky one, to have found him. And Chuck deserves someone far better, someone who isn't keeping things from him every day, someone who isn't keeping away, even. Someone to actually be with him, truly care for him the way Sarah only dreams of, sometimes. But she doesn't want to argue that with him, not right now, not after everything she's dragged him through today. And not after everything he'd willingly gone through today, too. A lot of that, being there at all, staying with her, not protesting to the doctor, those were his choices. Sighing instead, the heaviness of the day a little overwhelming on her back, she rests her head on his shoulder, feels his arm behind her automatically encircle her, hold her. She swallows, knowing she has to bring up today's events, even if usually they just conveniently ignore what's happened each time they meet. This time, though, it's too much to just let go of.

"I'm sorry I just threw all that on you, today. With, with the doctor. When she asked…" He doesn't say anything, and she sighs, shifting against him. "I just… I needed you there, but I should've asked you first and checked you were okay. Just making you deal with it on the spot wasn't fair to you,"

"I didn't mind," he murmurs, and she sighs once more. Of course he didn't—or of course he's trying to spare her feelings and he's at least saying he didn't mind.

"I know, but… I should have thought about what it might have felt like, to you. I shouldn't have just been thinking about myself, and making the decision for you."

"Sarah," he breathes, squeezing her waist and nuzzling her hair just a bit. "I wanted to be there. For you, and for Ames. If they'd kicked me out, I don't really know what I would've done. If you hadn't made that decision, I might've just done it anyway. Don't worry about it."

She swallows, shakes her head.  
"You know it was right that you were there, right? What the doctor said to Amy… you know that's what you are to her. You know you should have been there."

He sighs against her, frame a little shaky, and she feels his head rest against her own. He doesn't say anything, and she doesn't blame him. She has no idea what she even wants him to say.

Before they can do much more, Amy stirs, stretching out, and Sarah knows they have their hands full once more. And so she tickles her daughter's cheek, leans back against Chuck, and lets herself focus on this, here and now. Anything else can wait for tomorrow.

* * *

 **a/n 2:** Okay, a secondary disclaimer: I've never been to an emergency room not in the UK, and haven't been to one here since I was four years old myself. So, a billion thanks to the lovely David Carner for looking through that hospital scene for me and letting me know where to take it. And letting me ramble a ton about my eternal confusion over healthcare. Without him, that part would've been pretty different, and much more inaccurate, I think, so thank him for that. You're a star, pal!  
Also, for those curious, we're getting into the home straight of things, here, even if it might not feel like it yet. There's still a lot of questions and answers and events to come, but as you may note, these three are in deeper than they've ever been and I assure you that soon, pretty soon, this is all coming to a head. Up next, Chapter 22, 'The Birthday', and since we all know Chuck and Amy's, there's only one person's it can be… See y'all then, and if you liked this chapter, please review!

-Kiera :)


	22. The Birthday

**summary:** Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they find a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

 **a/n:** Oof. It has been a couple of Those Kindsa days for me. Still carrying on with this though. Remember when Sarah mentioned her birthday a couple chapters back and I said I set it then for a reason? We're here. And in this chapter and the next few you'll hopefully see why it had to happen at this point in the plot, rather than before. By the way, the final count for this story is in: we have four more chapters after this. And though initially this one might seem to raise more questions than it answers, I ask you not to worry. A lot can happen in four chapters. For now, happy birthday to our favourite eternally-conflicted-emotional-lil-bean, Sarah Walker. Also, baking's back!

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Chuck, phone calls, homemade cakes, or goodnights.

* * *

 **The Birthday**

It's briefly alarming when she wakes to voices in the apartment. Briefly, that is, because she promptly realizes what day it is, and remembers what the plan for today is, too. She's not sure when, but she'd even stirred earlier when she'd heard the lock in the door tumble. It had cut through her dreams, making her immediately alert. But then she'd heard Chuck's soft humming as he made his way into their home, and she'd let herself fall back to sleep. Because he's here, and he's supposed to be here, and Chuck had run this whole thing past her while over last night for a movie and some very conspiratorial planning with Amy. They'd decided that, since Amy wanted to do something special today, Chuck would come over early to help her out. Because it's Sarah's birthday, today, and she's slept in later for the first time in ages, and she can hear her daughter and Chuck chatting and giggling in the kitchen, and the smell of something sweet hangs in the air. She somehow knows already that it's going to be a great day.

Sitting up, she stretches, cracking her neck and suppressing a sleepy yawn, but still staying beneath her sheets. If the whispers and giggles are any sign, Sarah's pretty sure she isn't supposed to get out of bed, and right now she doesn't think she wants to, either. It's been a while since she's just been able to relax, sleep in, lounge around lazily with no Amy coming in to wake her up, no need to rush out to work. There's so rarely someone else to deal with all that.

And yet, now, there's Chuck.  
And at the same time, there isn't.

She sighs, refusing to let it get her down, not today. She keeps trying to find a moment to talk to him, to sit him down and explain absolutely everything, but lately they've been so busy they've hardly had a moment of peace. First Chuck went to Seattle, then Amy was hurt, and recently Chuck's been working constantly on his software and consulting with his new company from afar, when he hasn't also been slowly preparing to leave the Buy More. And when they have had a moment to catch their breath, she hasn't wanted to ruin it by blurting out that she used to be a spy and that, maybe, someone's trying to kill them all. And she just needs to tell him and get it over with and see if maybe, somehow, after it all he'd forgive her and they could eventually try to be together. Because she still wants that, so desperately, she can feel it especially now as she hears him talking softly to Amy, not so far away in the kitchen. Hears her little girl giggling a quiet reply.  
He's here. And Sarah just wants him to be, always.

A shushing sound echoes out, and she frowns a little, before she hears Chuck telling Amy to be careful, and Sarah realizes what's happening. She spares a brief thought for Chuck seeing her likely extremely sleepy appearance, but shrugs it off, and sits watching the door.

It pushes open a moment later, and then in comes Amy, holding a tray steadily in both her hands, steps heavy and determined, Chuck coming up behind her and spotting her to make sure she doesn't drop what she's gripping tight. Sarah grins at the sight, and Chuck looks up at her, almost as if he can sense her own gaze, before he smiles softly.

"Good morning," he murmurs, voice low and warm.

Amy gasps, looks over the towel-covered tray with wide excited eyes.  
"Mommy!" She giggles, stepping forward carefully until she's by Sarah's side, and at that she takes the tray from her daughter's hands and sets it on her lap before the four-year-old can drop it. Amy beams. "Happy birthday! We made you breakfast!"

"So I see," Sarah says with a smirk, reaching out an arm, and Amy cuddles into her since her hands are now free. A quick glance shows Sarah the garish color clothes her daughter is wearing, and she suppresses a laugh. Chuck evidently let Amy get dressed herself this morning, but neon green shorts with a bright purple shirt isn't what Sarah normally picks out for the four-year-old. Her hair, however, is in a fairly neat ponytail, and she wonders absentmindedly if Chuck helped with that. Merely the idea, just in her mind, warms her an impossible amount. Rather than asking, she just leans in, kisses Amy's head. "Thank you, baby. Thank you, Chuck. It smells great."

It does, even if she doesn't know what it is yet. Evidently realizing that, Amy lifts up the towel covering the tray with a dramatic clearing of her throat, and a mug of coffee, a plate of pancakes with bananas and syrup, and a bunch of gardenias are all unveiled. Sarah raises an eyebrow Chuck's way, especially at the flowers, but he just shrugs in innocence, and she smirks, holding back a laugh at his cuteness.

She nods at Amy while patting the space of the bed by her side, and the little girl needs no further instruction. She runs around the bed to the other side and hops up next to Sarah, snuggling beneath the covers and cuddling into Sarah's waist. Chuck sits on the edge of the bed, grinning widely. It's almost like a perfect family morning. Taking a bite of her gifted breakfast, which tastes frankly awesome, she puts an arm around Amy.

"D'you like 'em, Mommy?"

Humming, she chuckles, pulls Amy in closer.  
"They're great, bug. Did Chuck help you make them?"

"Mmhm!" Amy says, nodding fervently, and Sarah turns to the man in question, grins.

"Thank you,"

He dips his head in a nod, flushing a little, and Sarah only smiles more at the sight. Clearing his throat, he sits up a little straighter.  
"So, what d'you wanna do today? Amy and I agree, you don't have to lift a finger all day,"

Amy hums again.  
"You're Queen Mommy," she declares, and Sarah snorts at her daughter's wording, shaking her head, as she wracks her brain and tries to think of anything exciting to do. She's all out of ideas, though, truly just wanting, like always, to be with these people right here.

"Okay. Well, after I finish these amazing pancakes," She nudges Amy, who giggles proudly. "I'll take a shower, and how about then we just watch some TV?"

"And presents!" Amy insists, and Sarah pauses. She'd almost forgotten about the gifts, honestly.

Last year Amy had 'bought' her something from the mom's group they'd attended, and her own mother had sent her gifts. There had been a lot of coloring from Amy, too, once she'd evidently realized her mom's birthday was coming up, but this year there's Chuck, his family, her friends, and Sarah wonders if things might be a little different, somehow. Maybe he'd managed to get something Amy might have wanted to give her, maybe he'd headed out and bought something. That's never been an option before.

Pulling out of her musings, she nods.  
"Okay, and presents. But I want to eat these before they go cold,"

Amy giggles again, nuzzling into her, and Chuck hums.

"And you still want pizza and a movie for dinner?"

"Yeah," she says, shrugging. "Just us."

He nods, eyes on hers, unmoving, gaze so deep, and she has to look away and focus on her breakfast so she doesn't pull him to her and kiss him.

Sure enough, she showers after she's finished her pancakes, taking her time because Chuck's here and she can, and pulls on a sundress since it's a rather hot summer's day. She indulges in a little makeup and also styling her hair, because, again, she can, she has time. Yet another thing that Chuck allows her to do, just by being here to watch Amy. Plus, she figures if there's any day to treat herself a little, it's her birthday.

When she steps out into the living room she sees a spread of shiny wrapped gifts on the coffee table, a few balloons scattered around, a tasteful happy birthday garland by the TV. Chuck and Amy are sat on the couch, watching a bright kid's show. It feels... idyllic, Sarah thinks. So perfect she'd almost think it unreal. But it's very real, it's happening, right here.

Heading toward them silently, she steps up behind the couch, leans over the back and rests a hand on Chuck's shoulder. He doesn't tense at her touch, simply covers her hand with his own, so warm, and cranes his neck around to smile at her.

"You got all this for me?" she murmurs, gesturing to the decorations.

"Of course, it's your birthday,"  
He says it without missing a beat. Like it makes perfect sense, like it's totally normal. Sarah just blinks.

Her own birthday still feels so strange to celebrate, after her childhood took the turn it did with her father and she rarely actually got to celebrate it, and then having to leave such identifying things as birthdays behind when she became a spy, only to have to bring it all back once she had Amy. Her mom had spent her birthday with her when Amy was just a few months old, and that had been the first time Sarah had received birthday gifts since she was still a teenager. In the years since then, it's mostly just been her and Amy, and each year it's still the strangest Sarah feels, the least normal. The most aware of how different her life is, was, has been, as she celebrates more or less alone, doing nothing special.  
And yet somehow this, now, feels normal, even if she still feels a little out of her depth, too. And, while this sort of little birthday celebration might not be that special to most people, it definitely is to her. It's everything.

She squeezes Chuck's hand, dips her head to brush a kiss to his cheek, then rounds the couch and sits by Amy's side, laughing as the little girl instantly insists the gifts have to be opened now. Sarah obliges, noting first that many of them are labeled as being from Amy. If Chuck got all this, for her... She shakes her head, opening the presents, finding various toiletries and bath soaks from Ellie and Devon, evidently couriered via Chuck, plus some clothes from her mom that had arrived in the mail last week. Then there's wine and chocolates from Chuck, and books, coloring and crafts from Amy, plus a framed photograph of just the two of them from the zoo that Chuck must have put together. But where they're all nice, and very thoughtful, sweetest of all is a new mug. It's from Amy, but Sarah knows Chuck helped, somehow, since printed on the ceramic is a sketch done by the four-year-old. It's just slightly decipherable multi-colored squiggles with _Mommy_ shakily written out on the other side, but it's still Amy's drawing immortalized on a mug, and Sarah knows she'll make it her new coffee mug at work. And clearly, this was Chuck's idea, his gift, really, and through it Sarah can see just how much of an impact he's had on their lives, the position he now occupies. Without him she never would've gotten this. Without him, so many things would be different.

And yet he's still not quite...

Once more refusing to let it get to her, even though just by thinking about it means it kinda is, she shakes her head, thanks them both, kissing Chuck's cheek once more, and settles in for a very lazy birthday, surrounded by the two most important people in her life.

* * *

"Mommy, you're not s'posed to see it!" Amy insists, folding her arms over her chest and narrowing her eyes in a scarily perfect imitation of her mother, just minus the judging raised eyebrow. Rather than freaking out over her daughter's ever-aging, Sarah just smiles softly, stepping into the kitchen fully instead of staying by the entrance.

"But I want to help, and I wanna be with you, baby, and Chuck. Or else I'll just be sitting on the couch by myself. And that won't be very fun."

Amy huffs, looking up at Chuck with a blink. Though Sarah can't see them from where she stands, she knows, Amy's sending him the puppy eyes. Big, cute, difficult to resist.  
"Tell her,"

Chuck snorts, evidently at his being drafted for the cause, and raises his hands innocently.  
"If your mom wants to help us then she can, bug. It's nice for us to spend time with her on her birthday- she's right, do you just want her to be sitting doing nothing?"

Amy hums, nodding.  
"I guess not..." she says, though she trails off, evidently not convinced yet. Sarah smirks, crouches down a little so she's nearer Amy's height.

"I'll let you decorate it all by yourself, Ames," she implores, staring the four-year-old down with her own version of the puppy eyes. The little girl is unflappable, though, and only when Sarah tickles her cheek does she finally break.

"Okay!" She claps her hands together, somehow adopting an air of importance and leadership, even as the child she is. "We need to get all the stuff."

Nodding, Chuck turns to the various cupboards, looking a little lost.  
"And where is... the stuff?"

With a giggle, Amy points him to the correct shelf, and he pulls out the sugar, flour, and more, while Sarah gets the butter, milk, and eggs from the refrigerator. She's not big on cake herself, really, so she hadn't even thought about wanting one for her birthday until Amy had asked just after lunch. Though Sarah would object, this passes time, and as Chuck said, it's time to spend with both of them, at least now that she's been so graciously allowed to join. So now here they all stand, about to bake a simple sponge Amy can then shove every decoration imaginable on top of, all for Sarah, supposedly. She knows that baking the cake is really more for Amy than herself, but she doesn't mind. She indulges her little girl whenever she can, and while things like this may be more for the four-year-old, Sarah enjoys them too. She thinks Chuck likes them just as much.

Since she knows the measurements by heart from how often they bake in this apartment, she just tells Chuck how much of each ingredient to put in the bowl, and he obliges with Amy in his arms helping out. When they combine the wet ingredients with the dry, Sarah knows he purposely drops the latter in from a height, creating a big cloud of flour dust, just to make Amy giggle. The powder puffs up into the air, blooming anywhere and everywhere, and when Sarah looks at Chuck, there's flour in his hair, so visible against his dark brown curls. She reaches out and ruffles the bangs a little to get it all out as she sends him a flat look.

"What?" he asks, cheekily, a hint of innocence in his voice. "At least I'm cute,"

He's joking, but he's also very very right. He is. She just takes a deep breath, getting a plastic spoon out of the drawer to distract herself. She watches as he gives Amy the spoon so she can stir the cake batter herself, and the little girl giggles at him, enamored as ever. And, heart so full at the scene, Sarah wonders yet again just how she got here. Five years ago on her birthday, she was still a spy, just pregnant but not yet knowing it. She had no idea the path her life was about to take her, so very soon, just how changed she'd be. That day, she barely knew she was turning another year older, she'd buried all thoughts like that deep, deep within her, refusing to keep track of such frivolities in case she let her guard down.  
And now here she is, just five years later, in her kitchen, her daughter giggling by her side, the most amazing man holding her up, grinning Sarah's way.

She loves this more than anything in the world.

Clearing her throat, she reaches into another cupboard, getting the cake pan out and greasing it with some butter.  
"D'you wanna pour it out, baby?" she asks after that, and Amy nods gleefully. Chuck balances her on his hip, holding the bowl with his free hand, and Amy clutches it with both of hers, tipping it up with his help. Once the batter fills the pan, Chuck sets it into the oven and puts a timer on his phone while Amy stays safely back with Sarah.

"Okay, and what do you wanna decorate it with? We can get it all out now," Chuck says, rubbing his hands together, and Sarah smirks as Amy instantly begins listing, sprinkles, chocolate, gummy worms. Before Sarah can interject and say she doesn't really need all that, her cell phone starts ringing back in the living room, and she frowns. Chuck looks over, raises an eyebrow.

"I'll be right back," she murmurs, and he nods, staying with Amy as Sarah heads over to her phone. She smiles as she sees her mother's name on the phone, and picks up. "Hey, mom,"

"Hi," Emma says, a smile in her voice. "Happy birthday,"

She chuckles.  
"Thanks. And thank you, for the gifts."

Emma laughs softly.  
"Of course. What have you been doing today?"

Sarah shrugs, clears her throat.  
"Not much, just a day at home with Ames. And, and Chuck's here, helping out," she says, almost trailing off.

"Really?" There's a hint in the older woman's voice, one Sarah deliberately ignores. Ironically due to Chuck and all he's brought them, she hasn't seen her mom since Christmas. Rather than heading to Emma's for Amy's birthday, or inviting her mother to come to them, because Amy's party had been with Chuck, and Ellie and Devon and Morgan, and she's had work almost constantly in between, Sarah hasn't had a chance to meet up with her mom again. Life has just always been busy, and though she loves her mother and loves the chances Amy gets to spend time with her, it just hasn't worked out so far, this year. And despite calls like this being frequent because of that, Amy's always involved too, so Sarah hasn't had a chance to really catch up with Emma in months, and her mom obviously doesn't know if anything has happened between her daughter and the man she'd been hung up on last time they'd seen each other. Which, of course, nothing has. And yet, a lot very much has, too, it's just pretty hard to explain.

Since Amy starts pre-K next month, though, Sarah's booked them flights to go see Emma as a way of rounding off the summer, so she's sure her mother will release an inquisition then if not now.

Trying to stem it before it can begin, she clears her throat.  
"Yes. He came over this morning to help Amy make me breakfast in bed, that was Ames' idea," She chuckles, still warmed by that, his coming here, dealing with Amy this morning so she didn't have to, and making her breakfast on top of all that, too. "And now they're baking me a cake. We're gonna have pizza and a movie for dinner,"

"That sounds nice," her mom says, sounding genuine. "I remember when I called her on her birthday, Amy said Chuck was there then, too. You and him still aren't...?"

And there it is.  
"No." Sarah promptly replies. "No, we're not,"

Even as she speaks, she has to fight down a blush. She knows Chuck can probably hear her, right now; though she's stepped away and Amy is talking to him he can still likely make out some things she's saying. But she doesn't want to hide away in her bedroom to talk to her mother, right now. And this shouldn't even be a gossipy conversation. Yet still, she's blushing a little.

Emma hums.  
"But it's just you and him, and Amy, on your birthday?"

She clears her throat again.  
"Yeah. Even though we're not... y'know..." She swallows, thinks on it, lowers her voice still. "We're still a family."

Because they are, they really are. And she's known that herself for a long time, and she's not going to deny it to anyone else anymore. They're a family, the three of them.

Emma just hums once more, though Sarah hears the smile in her mother's voice.  
"I hope I'll get to meet him, some day. He seems important."

"He is," she says, and her mom pauses, evidently realizing the truth in her daughter's words.

"Have you told him?" Emma eventually says, and Sarah blinks. She knows there's only one thing her mother would be thinking that about, one thing she knows Sarah ought to tell Chuck. That she used to be a spy. That her past is even more complicated than he already thinks it is.

She clears her throat, bites her lip.  
"Not... Not yet. I, I keep trying to, but..."

"And that's why you're still not together?" Sarah hums in agreement at that, and her mother sighs. "Honey, you know you have to tell him. Before it gets too late,"

"I know," It's all Sarah thinks about, sometimes. She swallows, straightens her spine to give herself confidence, even for a phone call. "And I will. Soon." she promises, spurred on by her mom, just like at Christmas. She thinks on what Emma had told her, then. Not to run away. She knows she's all but been doing that, again, to some degree, and she knows she has to stop. Her mom hums, lighter this time.

"Anyway, what else did you get today?"

As Sarah perches on the couch, listing off the various gifts to her mom and just chatting some more for a good, almost cathartically long time, she smells the cake baking, hears the timer go off when it's done, hears Amy and Chuck talking, loudly whispering about icing and sprinkles, and by the time she says farewell to her mother, she walks back into the kitchen to a thoroughly decorated cake, coated in white liquid icing that's melting and running a little since the cake is probably still warm. It's sprinkled with just about everything they have. Amy is covered in icing, too, and Chuck is holding her up to the sink so she can wash her hands.

"It's a candy explosion," Sarah says, deadpan, and Chuck looks across to her, grins.

"How's your mom?"  
Of course that's the first thing he's saying after that phone call and her disappearing for so long, Sarah thinks. He doesn't need to ask what they'd talked about, doesn't need to pry, just wants to know how her mother is, of course, because he's so ridiculously sweet.

"She's fine, she says hi." He flushes a little, and Sarah rather hopes he didn't hear everything else she was saying. "And to you too, Ames,"

The little girl beams, but then frowns a little.  
"When're we gonna see Grandma again?"

"Soon, baby. We're going on vacation to see her next month, remember?" She ruffles Amy's hair as the four-year-old nods in recollection whilst drying her hands, then Sarah looks at the cake. It somehow looks even crazier up close. "Are, um, are you guys done?"

"Yup!" Amy says, sounding rather pleased with herself. "D'you like it?"

"It's very impressive, Ames," she says, with a chuckle. "Should I have a piece now?"

"Yeah!" Amy wriggles out of Chuck's grip to stand on the floor, and Sarah reaches for three plates, cutting quick slices. As they head through to the couch, she takes a big bite, exaggerating how much she enjoys the cake. It tastes good, yes, but she's never thought that chocolate and sour worms quite work together as far as toppings go. She sets the slice down, about to say something, but when she looks at Chuck she finds him laughing, and she frowns.

"What?"

He gestures to her face, chuckling still.  
"You got a little..." Reaching out, he swipes his thumb by the corner of her mouth, then against her cheek. Much like when he'd caught some ice cream on her face on the beach that time, the feeling of his skin sends a predictable thrill through her, even as he shows her the icing on his finger, evidently from her cheek, justifying his touch. She swallows, nods.

"Thanks," she breathes, and he nods too.

"No problem,"

His gaze never wavers from hers, and yet again she forces herself to look away, focusing on Amy. Thankfully, the little girl is utterly covered in icing yet again, the stuff smeared all over her face just like the second time they'd ever met Chuck, and Sarah grins, letting Amy be, like always, the perfect distraction.

* * *

She sighs contentedly as she leans back against the couch cushions, swallowing her mouthful of wine. It's her gift, already and very happily opened. The merlot is smooth and delicious, and she raises an eyebrow Chuck's way.

"Anyone ever tell you that you have great taste in wine?"

He chuckles, sipping from his bottle of beer, eyes dancing.  
"Uh, that would be you, and probably only you,"

She snorts, shifting so her legs lie along the length of the couch. She's tempted to move her feet so they're resting on his knees, since they're near, but she knows that'll cross some kind of line. Instead, she keeps her feet back, shifts against the sofa again.  
"Well I stand by it," She hums, taking another sip. She's had good pizza, she's got good wine, it's a quiet peaceful evening since Amy's now asleep, contentedly curled up in bed after Chuck had read her a story. It's been a good day.

Chuck smirks.  
"I'm glad."

"Thank you, for today," she says before she can think about it. He raises an eyebrow in query, and she shrugs. "You know, for coming over early, taking Amy off my hands a little so I could relax."

He smiles, but she can tell he's about to shrug her off.  
"It's-"

"My birthday, I know," Waving a hand, she tries to work out how to phrase quite how much he's meant today. "But, I've had a lot of birthdays with Amy here now, and this is the first in a while I've been able to have some time by myself,"

His brow furrows, lips pouting a little as he evidently thinks.  
"Did Bryce not...?" He stops, widens his eyes as if he's realized he's just brought up one of the eternal elephants in the room. He sits back a little with a wince. "Crap, sorry,"

Since she's enjoying relaxing with him, comfortably, far too much to end it in awkwardness, she merely shrugs.  
"It's okay. It happened, there's no point in pretending it didn't. As much as I may want to, sometimes," She smirks wryly and shrugs a little, then sighs, shifts. "But no, we hadn't been together long by my birthday then. I think he got me some flowers or something, but that was it,"

Chuck raises an unimpressed eyebrow, but doesn't make a jibe at his old friend, just hums, moves on a little. Takes the higher road. By now, Sarah's not surprised.  
"Well I don't mind, helping out, giving you some space. You deserve it."

She smirks. Maybe the wine is spurring her confidence on, but since she's barely had any she knows that's not it. No, she just wants to be honest with him right now. And so she does just that.  
"Well, thank you, but I also enjoy time with Amy, and with you, you know that. I'm glad you were here not just because you were an extra pair of hands." Giving into the urge anyway, she shifts her feet onto his knees, and he barely blinks. "And thank you for helping Ames with the presents, and stuff, the mug is awesome,"

"You like it? I, uh, I might've been a little sneaky, a couple story times ago." He chuckles, and she grins. She had wondered quite when Chuck would've gotten the time to organize all that, but sometimes when he reads Amy her story, she leaves him to it. It's his time with the little girl, Sarah never feels she needs to intrude. Sometimes she likes to spy a little, sure, often when she hears Amy's frequent giggles, but a lot of the time she stays back. And evidently a few weeks ago Chuck must've worked all this out with the four-year-old, all for Sarah, without her even realizing. "I saw it advertised online and I thought it'd be the cutest thing. When I told her about it she loved it, so she drew on the template they give you and I sent it off. If you keep it long enough you can use it to embarrass her in a couple years time,"

She snorts at that, narrows her eyes teasingly.  
"Are you implying my daughter is gonna be embarrassed by her drawing skills?"

"I think she'll... improve? In a few years?" He pulls a face like he realizes how tactless that could sound, and Sarah giggles, sipping more wine. Chuck rests a hand on her ankle, bare since she's still in her dress. His touch sends another thrill through her, like it always does. Again, though, he doesn't tense, doesn't act like this is at all strange between them. He just acts like this kind of intimate, knowing contact, makes perfect sense.

It certainly makes a change to months ago. Somehow they've gotten impossibly comfortable with each other, impossibly close.

She clears her throat, tilts her head.  
"D'you know what I just realized?"

"Uh," He frowns adorably. "Yeah, I got nothin',"

"It's almost August," she says, though through a giggle at his response. She shifts on the couch, moves her feet a bit, but he doesn't let go. "It's almost a year since we met."

His eyebrows raise, and he takes another sip of beer.  
"Wow," he murmurs, thumb swiping up and down against her skin. She thinks it's absentmindedly. It still makes her suppress a shudder; the damn man can turn her on without even realizing it now. "It's been quite a year."

"You can say that again,"

"It's been quite a year," he repeats, tone identical to before.

She snorts even through a mouthful of wine, shifting and nudging him in the leg with her other foot, and he swats her away.  
"I'm serious!" she insists, and he grins, tipping back his beer.

"And I am too." he says, with a soft soft smile, and she sobers suddenly, believing him, completely. "But, on another note about next month, I also have a favor to ask."

"Hm?" She just arches an eyebrow, not wanting to move, feeling suddenly worn from contentment and wine and warmth.

"I was talking to James the other day," he says, speaking of their landlord. "I've got some weird mark on my ceiling above my TV, and another one in my bedroom, he's gonna have to see if it's a problem or if he can just re-plaster it. Someone's coming in mid-week next month, but, they're saying I can't stay in my apartment overnight while they're taking a look and if they might have to take parts down to fix it. There might be drying paint and plaster, too, which I guess wouldn't be fun to sleep by. I could go to Ellie's but all my stuff's at my place and I'd have a lot to move, but I still have to go to work, so..."

She shrugs, knowing what he's getting at.  
"You can stay here,"

"Really?" He sounds a little shocked even though she knows he was just about to ask that of her.

Grinning, she nods.  
"Are you kidding? Amy would love it, she's been wanting a sleepover with you for months," He sends her a strange look at that, and she shrugs. "Plus, I'd be a pretty crappy neighbor, and… more, if I didn't let you stay,"

He smiles, small, warm, and she shrugs once more, trying not to let this feel like the probably big deal it is. Chuck, staying over, in the same space as both of them, as her. He drums his fingers on her leg, and she shivers. He doesn't seem to notice.  
"Thank you,"

"Always."

It's what he says at times like these, she thinks, so she might as well say it too. And by the way his eyes widen, she sees it seems to have the same effect on him as it does on her. It never fails to steal her breath a little bit, and he looks like it's done just the same to him. He clears his throat, tips back his beer, then glances to the clock.

"God, I should go, I'm working early tomorrow," he says with a slight grimace, and she knows he's genuinely annoyed at leaving.

Swinging her legs around, she leans over to set her wine glass on the coffee table. Though she wants to ask him to stay, she just nods.  
"I'll walk you out,"

"Oh, you don't have to..."

"I don't mind," she says, because she truly doesn't, because she wants to do this.

Nodding, and standing, he grabs his phone from the arm of the couch, slipping it into his pocket, and heads to the door. Sarah follows, walking up behind him, until he stops and turns around, smiling down at her.

"I hope you had a nice day," he murmurs, voice warm and low.

She grins up at him, dips her head. Why, she thinks, does she only seem to notice how tall he is at times like this? When she looks up at him, sees his eyes so clearly, locked on hers, that beautiful golden hazel color they always seem to be in these kinds of moments. She licks her lips, honesty slipping between them.  
"The best in a long time,"

He grins, lopsidedly, gaze dark and warm as ever. One of his hands raises to rub the back of his neck, a little embarrassed, she thinks, and it's so adorably sweet, _he's_ so adorably sweet, it makes her pulse race even more than it already was.  
"I'm glad I could help."

Without warning, her own hand reaches out, fingers curling around his, and she rises on her toes to look him in the eyes more easily.

"You did more than just help," she murmurs, only mildly aware that she's speaking. It's just the moment affecting her, the whole day, everything he's done. He was half the reason she had such a great birthday anyway, after all, coming over, helping out, just being here. Because she loves when he's here. Once more, she can't seem to control what she says. "I wish you didn't have to go."

He blinks, jaw dropping.  
"What?" He sounds so stunned, so breathless, so genuinely surprised at her words. It's funny: they seem so obvious to her, something she thinks so often. She always wants him to stay, always wishes that he didn't have to go, that that's not how they work. That he could keep being here, by her side. She tilts her head, looks at him. He's just watching her, eyes wide, mouth a little agape. She sees his eyes dart to her lips, just for a second, but looking all the same, and she can't help but think, screw it.

And so she leans in and she kisses him.

It is not just a quick kiss goodbye. It is not just a peck of reassurance. It is not just a cover kiss on a beach. The moment their lips meet, his hands slip round her back, pulling her up and into him, as she slides her arms around his shoulders, pressing up against him. Their mouths move, slow, not frantic, just determined and hot and aching, and she hears a brief moan slip through her own lips. He clutches her tighter after the sound, breath hitching as it mingles with her own, and one of his hands comes up to cup her cheek and slip into her hair as he kisses her intently, steals her breath. She gasps into his mouth, feeling the heat of him surrounding her, and she suddenly realizes how true her words were. Realizes just how much she doesn't want him to go, move away, doesn't want to ever untangle the both of them. And so she just steps closer, somehow, pulls him in even more, kisses him soundly and lets herself be kissed, over and over.  
The feeling drowns her. She loves it.

And then, suddenly, some sound echoes out in the apartment- Amy talking in her sleep, something slipping in the trash, the TV cooling down, anything, but it cuts through to both of them, and Chuck pulls away, gently pushing Sarah back. She peels open her eyes, thoroughly kissed, gaping at him. He watches her, blinks, and nods.

"Happy birthday, Sarah,"

And, with a clearing of his throat, he opens the door, steps out into the hall, and leaves.  
Sarah stays rooted to the spot, still feeling his lips on hers, for far too much longer.

* * *

 **a/n 2:** Oh yeah. And thus begins our final arc. We are hurtling toward stuff here, people. And don't worry—this isn't just gonna be ignored and moved on from. These two are gonna talk. Promise. Up next, Chapter 23, 'The Change'.


	23. The Change

**summary:** Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they find a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

 **a/n:** Phew, here we go. We are finally getting into the last sections of this story, and where I've been leading it all along. I know y'all have been extremely patient with me and these two idiots, if sometimes frustrated at their, well, idiocy, but hopefully, with change afoot, you'll like where we go. And then maybe hate me. I can't control what you guys think, after all. As ever, I'd love it if you reviewed! Enjoy... Heh.

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Chuck, pot roast, sleeping arrangements, or carpets.

* * *

 **The Change**

"Hey," She smiles as she steps aside, lets him in. He steps forward, juggling various bags in his hands. "How's it going?"

"Good," he says, with a nod, until he pauses midway through the door and blinks, evidently realizing that's not quite what she was asking. That she, while checking on him too, was more wondering about the state of his place which is currently being examined and repaired by the landlord. Hence why Chuck is here at all. "Oh you mean in the apartment? Yeah, it's fine," He chuckles a little awkwardly, and she sends him as reassuring a smile as she can muster as he moves past her and she closes the door. He returns the smile, smaller than usual, and she tries not to wince.

Not much has happened between them since that rather overwhelming kiss on her birthday last month. Though they've managed movie nights well enough, they've been the kind they used to have, where he leaves right after the credits roll, where they say as little as possible to each other. Sarah's tried to breach the topic with Chuck, tried to just talk to him and maybe even explain her actions in kissing him if he so demands it, but each time she's tried, he's shut her down, made his excuses and goodnights, and gone.  
For obvious reasons, Sarah knows tonight will be different. Will be more. And it could be tricky, to navigate it.

She still hasn't worked out why he left then, yet. She'd kissed him, and she thought she'd been pretty clear in demonstrating that yeah, she wants him, wants to be with him. But he'd still left, he'd run, and she doesn't know why. She hates the insecure part of her that wonders if he doesn't want that between them, anymore. If keeping him at bay all this time has finally had the effect she'd known it could for so long, and pushed him away.

In some ways she knows that's a ridiculous thought- he'd kissed her back just as intensely, overwhelmingly, pulled her close, she knows he hasn't changed his mind entirely. But he must have done in at least some little way, thought something, because he's definitely holding back and she can't work out why.

He said he'd wait. She knows he'd meant it, then, but if he's changed his mind she wouldn't even blame him.

She clears her throat, forces herself to reel in her thoughts.  
"Are your things all okay?"

Nodding, he shrugs.  
"Yeah, they put sheets up and stuff. They said they should be done tomorrow but the paint smell's apparently gonna last a couple days." He pulls a face, then lifts up the gym bag in his hand. "I packed before all my stuff started smelling like it, though, so we're good,"

Chuckling a little awkwardly, she folds her arms, wonders quite what else to say. Thankfully, she's spared by sudden tiny footsteps.

"Chuck!" Amy squeals, running out of her room where she'd been playing and rushing toward the man in question. As ever, she provides a worthy distraction. "You're here! I'm so excited!"

Chuck laughs, scooping Amy up into a hug even as Sarah sighs a little at her daughter's words.

"Remember what I said, bug? Tonight isn't another movie night- we're gonna have dinner, and then it's bath and bed time like normal. Chuck's just gonna be here, too."

They've been through this before, earlier today, but Sarah wants to make sure Amy doesn't get carried away and have to fall back to earth.

Thankfully, though, Amy nods.  
"I know. You got work," she says in a sing-song voice, rocking her head. "So's Chuck."

Sarah smiles, a little relievedly.  
"That's right, and you're going to daycare."

Chuck sets his bag down still near the door, turns to Amy.  
"What're you gonna do at daycare tomorrow, bug? You got anything fun planned?"

"The park," Amy nods, since there's an outing planned, and Chuck hums, setting the little girl down on the couch and sitting by her side.

"The park is good, I like the park. I liked when we went there with your mom,"

From her place still by the door, Sarah smiles, thinking back to that day so long ago, after New Years. Despite things between her and Chuck being so strained back then, their kiss at Thanksgiving not that long passed, and Sarah being so very tense over Caria (where now that's ebbed to an ever-present fear), despite that it was a nice day, a great day. Amy playing, going to lunch, hanging out afterwards. It's a good memory.

Amy grins, giggling.  
"I liked it too! I always like it when we do stuff with you." She cuddles into his side, oblivious to the way Chuck visibly startles, Sarah as well. Sometimes Amy clearly doesn't realize the weight her words can carry. Still clueless, she continues. "We should do more stuff. Like, like the pool, and the library, and go to Grandma's-"

He interrupts her with an awkward chuckle, which Sarah's thankful for. No matter what his leaving the other week meant, they're definitely not at the family vacationing with her mother stage, anyway, at all. Even if Emma does want to meet Chuck. Even if Sarah thinks she'd quite like that too.

Now, he ruffles Amy's hair.  
"Alright, bug, if your mom says yes we'll hang out more. You're going to your grandma's next week, right? We can do something before then, before your school starts." He tickles her side, and Amy nods happily with a squeal, then looks to Sarah.

"Mommy, when's dinner?"

Laughing softly at Amy's predictability, and her knack for changing a conversation entirely, Sarah checks her watch. It's still afternoon, but dinner will take a while to cook, and she can get started on it now if Amy wants to eat earlier.  
"Are you getting hungry?" Amy hums in assent, shrugging a little, and Sarah nods. "Chuck?"

He raises his eyebrows, apparently at being addressed.  
"Oh, yeah, I could eat eventually,"

"Okay, I'll get started." she says, clearing her throat, about to move through into the kitchen.

Chuck stands, though, brushes himself down, and she pauses.  
"Can I help?"

Though she so often shrugs him off, sometimes because it's easier to keep her distance when he's not by her side, sometimes because she doesn't actually need help and she doesn't want to have to take him away from Amy, today she nods, smiling, thankful.  
"Sure. It's pot roast, so if you could help cut some vegetables that'd be great." He smiles softly, and Sarah ignores the warmth it makes her feel as she heads into the kitchen and starts on the rest of the meal. After switching on the TV and setting it to a kid's channel for Amy, Chuck follows.

They work side by side, silent apart from the sounds of knives on the cutting boards and the noise of the show on television. It's strangely alien, since Sarah knows they haven't done this before, and yet it's also completely domestic and simple and familiar, somehow. Comfortable, by his side.

"How was work?" she asks after a few minutes, and he scoffs a little.

"Not great," he mutters, sounding annoyed, though amusedly so. "I had a horrible repair to do, this guy had more viruses than should've been possible. Like, he should have brought his computer in after the first one, let alone the other fifty-one or something. I had to wipe the whole thing and he was not cool with that, he started yelling until Big Mike managed to calm him down. It wasn't pretty."

"I can imagine it wasn't," She snorts, even as she feels a little bad for him having to go through all that. "At least you should be handing in your notice soon. Next week, right?"

"Yeah, thank god. The company said they're gonna let me know the specific date in a couple weeks, but they're still saying I'll start end of this month. I might have some time doing nothing after my two-week notice is up, but I guess I could deal with that, if it means no more crazy shouting people." He chuckles, but it sounds a little strained, and Sarah sneaks a glance across her and sees as Chuck shakes his head, looking a little tense. He's still nervous about this new job, new career, new place, even though his software is apparently doing brilliantly in the company's tests and he's going to be joining them soon. She'd reassure him he'll be fine, but she's already done so plenty so far over this. He knows, they'll be there, no matter what happens. And she has faith in him to succeed, at this. "Morgan's still managed not to tell anyone that I'll be leaving yet, I really don't know how,"

She grins up at him for a moment.  
"You have so little faith in his secret-keeping abilities," she jokes, teasingly, and Chuck laughs, looking up and sending her a smirk that makes her stomach pitch.

"I haven't had a surprise party that was actually a surprise since I turned 10. Every other one, spoiled. I have to watch every TV show the night it airs, or he'll spoil me. I love him, but he's the worst at keeping secrets,"

"Sounds like Amy," Sarah muses, before pausing, pulling a face. "Was that mean?"

Chuck grins.  
"If you're implying Amy's like Morgan, maybe. But he's definitely like her," She bites back a burst of laughter, instead grinning widely, and he beams back. "And hey, don't you remember one of the first times I came over I said like, the exact same thing?"

She chuckles, thinking back to that day as she nods.  
"You brought cookie dough over that day I was sick, you said you keep it for Morgan," It's almost strange; back then, she'd had no idea how important Chuck would become, to her, to Amy. Had no idea Morgan would sort of become their friend. Had no idea just how much Chuck, his family, his friends, would become a part of their lives. Had no idea how deep and hard she'd fall.

And yet, even then, she'd liked him so much. Felt so so thankful at having someone else there, to help, felt the pangs of ache at wanting more of it, of him.

Chuck flushes a little.  
"You do remember," He beams, but she shrugs. Of course she does.

"It's pretty hard to forget anything you've done, Chuck," she murmurs, completely honest. She's sure she remembers every little thing he's ever done, with them. He's burned onto her memory inescapably now, he's a part of them.

His smile fades, warmth in his eyes dropping to something else she can't work out, something dark and deep. But he doesn't reply, no, he doesn't say a word. With a clearing of his throat and a dipping of his head, he turns back to the food, and just like that, the moment is gone. Biting back a sigh, she does the same.

* * *

"Hey, d'you mind if I take a shower?" he asks, after an awkward half hour of sitting on the couch after Amy had gone to bed. They've both been trying to pretend they're busy, and Sarah thinks both of them have completely failed at doing that. "I didn't have time this morning, I'd go back to my place, but-"

"No, go ahead," she says with a smile, waving her hand. "Though maybe look on the shelf if you want anything other than purple shampoo, I didn't put Amy's away yet,"

He snorts.  
"Who says I don't want purple shampoo?" He bounces his eyebrows, and she laughs at that as he grabs his bag and heads down the hall, humming quietly as he goes. Once she hears the water turn on, Sarah promptly busies herself with standing and cleaning up the kitchen and the counters. Chuck is in her bathroom, in the shower, and that's rather distracting to her, somehow, right now. She needs something to do with her hands. As she goes, she thinks back on tonight, what it had been like with Chuck here.

Dinner had been nice, Amy had loved having her favorite person over as ever, but she'd been good as gold, too, and hadn't fought the routine. Hadn't acted like Chuck being a part of their normal day was anything that different. After a little playtime post-pot-roast, Sarah had given her a bath, and Chuck had read her her bedtime story, nothing too radical or crazy. There had been no more looks between him and Sarah, or nothing more than usual, really. There's always a few of those, anyway. But there had been no more comments, no more long gazes, soft grins and jokes. It all just felt normal, strangely enough, when Sarah had thought that today, Chuck being here, staying over, would be anything but. Would be awkward and uncomfortable. It hasn't been that, but it hasn't been the opposite of it, either. It's just been... middle-of-the-road.  
She can't work out if that's a good thing or not.

Taking advantage of Chuck's absence, though, she slips into her room, closes the door before quickly changing into her pajamas, then pulling on a robe and some slippers. Even in LA, in August, her feet still get cold at night. When Chuck emerges again, wearing his own pajamas of a t-shirt and shorts, he smiles, flops on the couch by her side.

His eyes drop to her hands and he beams suddenly.  
"Hey, you're reading one of the books I got you!"

She raises an eyebrow, but nods. It is indeed one of the historical novels he'd gotten her for Christmas last year, but she's surprised he's picking up on it.  
"Yeah. I'm, uh, actually rereading them all." For the third time, but she keeps that detail to herself, just smiles a little sheepishly. Most nights when Chuck isn't here and Amy's asleep, Sarah finds herself with little to do. And so, often, she reads just to pass the time, especially if she can't find anything decent on TV to watch. It's hardly a bad thing, especially compared to when she was in the CIA and barely had a moment to breathe some days let alone enough time to settle down and read something, but she also knows it's a little sad, to admit to having not much to do and just reading books over and over instead. Clearing her throat, she shrugs a moment. "They were really good, they sort of... got in my head? I kept thinking about them, it took me a couple of days to get over them. I love when that happens with a book,"

He grins.  
"Is it super nerdy to admit that happens to me too but with comic books?" He shrugs, apparently figuring she doesn't mind, which she doesn't. He's a nerd and she knows it, and she rather likes it. Since it's him, she really likes it. Setting down the book, she rests her elbow on the back of the couch, holds up her head and smiles his way. He runs a hand through his hair as he smiles back, and the damp curls spring up in weird ways.

Chuckling, she points at his head.  
"Your hair's all..."

"Animal-shaped?" he asks with a knowing wince, poking at the curls again. "Yeah, Ellie says it does that. She claimed she saw a giraffe once, when I was fifteen,"

Sarah snorts, narrowing her eyes a little.  
"I think I see... a frog?"

Frowning, he looks up, expression adorable as he tries to spy his hair, eyes crossing a tiny bit.  
"If Kermit's hangin' out there, maybe I should get a haircut,"

"Don't you dare," she chastens, suddenly defensive, and he arches an eyebrow as she blinks a little awkwardly. She'd expected that as much as he had, probably, which is to say, not at all. She clears her throat, tries to be casual. "I-I mean, if you want to, then sure. But... maybe not a big one; I like the curls." She thinks they're almost just a perfect representation of him. Soft, kinda goofy, and mildly untameable. Inescapable.

"I have been thinking about it, though." he admits, and Sarah finds she's now the one arching an eyebrow. She hadn't really thought Chuck would care much about his hair and his appearance, no more than usual, but here she can tell it really is something that's been weighing on him. He just shrugs at her. "I mean, is this really the hair of a software designer? Does anything about me look like that?"

She pulls a face as ideas of those people fill her mind.  
"First, since you _are_ a software designer, and this is your hair, logically, yes." He sends her a flat look and she grins a little cheekily, tongue between her teeth. "But, please don't go all tech guy on me and flat-iron it or something, and start wearing sweater vests for no reason,"

He chuckles.  
"Straightened hair and sweater vests are your idea of a stereotypical software guy?"

"Yes," She shrugs, like it makes perfect sense, and he chuckles even though she knows he knows she's messing with him. She shuffles closer, lightly tugs on one of the curls, looks at him properly. "Seriously, though. You don't have to change who you are or what you look like just to live up to how you think you should be, rather than who you are. You don't have to try to look like a tech person, the whole point is you _are_ , animal-shaped hair or not."

He smiles softly, reaches up and tugs her hand from his hair, only to curl his fingers around her own.  
"If I change too much, I trust you to keep me in check. I trust you and Ames to keep me being Chuck,"

"Good," she murmurs, with a grin. Her eyes are locked on his, seeing his gaze so deep and open. She squeezes his fingers. "Because I like Chuck,"

Oh, she likes him very much.

Once more, he smiles, small and warm, and as her hand holds his she can feel the pull within her, the want. The tug. She knows she should stay back, knows the risk of Caria is the same as ever, but she's known this wonderful man a year now, come to know him, fall for him, watch as he slotted into their family with no effort at all. Him being with her and Amy feels perfect, like the missing piece Sarah had always yearned for despite herself, and she's found it, in Chuck.  
And she just doesn't want to hold back anymore.

Her eyes dart to his mouth, and she smiles.

Chuck clears his throat, jumps back a little.  
"Well, it's late, and I'm working an open tomorrow, I should probably get to sleep,"

She blinks, pulls back as his hand untangles from her own when he stands up. She just about keeps the frown off her face. It's still pretty early, really, and she doubts with all his video gaming that Chuck is an early bedtime kinda guy. She remembers mildly that he'd mentioned being up all night playing with Morgan, once, when they'd met up at the beach that time. And there have even been Saturdays he's worked opening shifts after movie nights, and he's left later than it is now.

And yet again, he's stepping back when she's getting close. Sarah can't deny, it's almost embarrassing how much that realization hurts.

She musters up a nod.  
"Okay." She keeps her tone light and upbeat only through a great deal of training, dormant but sometimes useful in her mind.

"Alright," Chuck says, nodding too, then looking around. Looking at anywhere but her. "Have... you got like, sheets, or something?"

She does frown now, both at his behavior and his question.  
"For what?"

"For the couch,"  
He says it like it's obvious, and realization dawns. Sleeping arrangements. She'd sort of put off thinking ahead to this, deliberately, since it's awkward, but she knows, she'll be the one taking the couch tonight.

Raising an eyebrow, she looks at him plainly.  
"You want to sleep on the couch? You're too tall, you know your feet would be hanging off the edge,"

"Well where am I gonna sleep?" he asks, sounding lost.

She shrugs.  
"You can take my bed, the sheets are clean. I'll take the couch, or go in with Amy,"

Shaking his head, he folds his arms across his chest. She ignores how good it makes his upper arms look in his t-shirt.  
"Sarah, I'm the one taking up your space here, I'm the guest. You shouldn't have to share with Ames or sleep on the couch in your own apartment,"

"Well I'm not gonna let my _guest_ ," She sends him a glance, turning his word back on him. "...sleep on the couch when it's way too small for him,"

He pauses, sends her a frustrated look, but she knows her use of his own logic has trapped him.  
"So what do we do?"

"I-" She hadn't thought he'd protest her, when she'd vaguely thought about this, but since he has, now she can't really think of another option other than the obvious. Or, well, they could sleep on the floor, but neither of them would enjoy that, and Sarah thinks neither of them would allow the other to go through with that, either. She forces herself to stay calm, keeps down a blush as she meets Chuck's eyes. "I know it would be awkward, but we could just…"

As she trails off, silence falls, until long long seconds later Chuck clears his throat.  
"We could share the bed," he completes, and she nods, holding back an embarrassed blush. She feels ridiculous; they're grown adults, this really shouldn't be such a big deal. And yet, Sarah knows it is. With her, and Chuck, oh, it definitely is.

"Yeah." She swallows, and he raises an eyebrow.

"Would you be okay with that?"

God. He's the one who keeps backing away and she keeps moving closer, yet he's the one now asking her if she'd be comfortable. Sometimes she swears that, despite him being right in front of her, and being very real, he isn't real at all. She nods.  
"Yeah. Would you?"

"Yeah,"

"Okay." She swallows. It'll be awkward, very awkward, and strange to be so close to him and yet, simultaneously not close at all, but they'll get through it, she can keep her distance. "Then let's just do that."

He nods, stepping backwards, then forward again, looking uncomfortable, conflicted.  
"I'm, I'm just gonna go, then. I'll let you get back to your book,"

With that, he leaves, and Sarah watches for a moment longer before picking up her book again. She'd basically been finished for the night, but she can take a hint, and Chuck clearly wants her to stay out here a while as he goes to sleep.

As much as she tries to pretend to read, though, she doesn't process a single word, just stares at the page for a full half hour, eyes glossing over the same words over and over again as she tries to think of anything but sleeping next to Chuck. When she realizes it's a useless effort, since that's _all_ she's thinking about, she sighs, turns off the lights and checks the door is locked, and heads into her room. Chuck is lying down in darkness, and even if he isn't asleep, he doesn't turn to her as she steps into the room. Closing the bedroom door fully, since Chuck is here and she doesn't want Amy stumbling in in the middle of the night before either of them realize, she shrugs off her robe and kicks off her slippers, then climbs in by his side, for what she's sure will be the strangest night she's had in a while.

She hasn't slept next to anyone in a long, long time. It was never something she was that comfortable with, as a spy; even the men she'd slept with who she was sure weren't spies, could always have just maybe been very very good actors. She never let her guard down, rarely stayed, and if she did, she was awake all night, one eye on wherever she'd left a weapon. Even with Mark, she'd fled by 5am, regretful as that feels now. Bryce had always been busy, reluctant to stay the night which Sarah realized afterwards was likely because he'd been with his mark, working missions or keeping up his cover. At the time she'd shrugged it off, since she'd wanted to believe everything was okay between them even when she knew it wasn't. The times he had stayed, there hadn't been much sleeping, for various reasons, sometimes sex but often Amy's awful toddler sleeping schedule, and also Sarah's natural unease, still, about trusting someone when she was most vulnerable, asleep.

So she's not exactly comfortable, as she slips in next to Chuck, feels the warmth of him radiate from his side, spread through the sheets. It makes her shiver, though not in her usual cold, and she slides to lie down, refusing the instinct that tells her to roll away from Chuck, pretend he's not there beside her. If he is still awake, he'd know she would be doing that on purpose, and she doesn't want to push him away, even if he's doing that to her, exactly that.

It's a strange kind of irony, she knows. For so long, she'd kept him at bay, and now just as she's trying to embrace him, he's the one keeping his distance from her. She's sure she deserves this.

And so she takes a deep breath, shifts to face him, stays back as she moves into her usual sleeping position with one hand beneath the pillow, where a knife used to always sit. It isn't there anymore, hasn't been for over four years, of course, but old trained habits are hard to shake, and she's most comfortable like this, especially when she feels so uncomfortable in other ways.

After fifteen minutes of just lying there, listening to the strange sound of someone else's breathing, that breathing hitches, and Chuck rolls over, humming a little. He nuzzles into the pillow as he turns onto his other side, features soft and cute, and Sarah can't help but grin. The grin falls, though, when his arm instantly stretches out, practiced, reaching for someone. Reaching for _her_. She can't think he'd be searching for anyone else, after all. She gulps as his hand lands on her waist, and she sees how he visibly frowns.

He peels open an eye, gaze hazy with sleep.  
"Sarah?"

"Yeah, it's me. Go back to sleep," She keeps her tone quiet and even, not wanting him to think she wants him to let go. She doesn't. And he doesn't, just closes his eyes and moves a little closer, hand slipping on her hip, moving to the small of her back. His touch is warm and she moves into him instinctively, seeking out his heat, and she feels her feet brush his legs.

He jumps against her.  
"You're freezing," he murmurs, and she shrugs.

"Sorry,"

He just hums again, and she knows he's drifting back to sleep. As he does so, though, he pulls her closer still, and she falls into him, heart pounding at his closeness. She moves her head against his chest, tucked under his chin, as his arm encircles her, shifts her nearer. His feet slip over hers, cover them, keeping them warm, and unconscious or not it's the sweetest thing Sarah thinks anyone else has ever done. For her, but also in general.

And, as his warmth surrounds her, his breathing even and gentle, she finds herself lulled to sleep in his arms, safe, comfortable, and overwhelmed.

* * *

The first thing she's aware of when she wakes up, is that she's very warm. The second thing, is that she hadn't woken up once after falling asleep, until right now. She slept, the whole night through, not waking, which hasn't happened in years let alone when someone else was in the bed with her.  
The third is that an alarm is blaring. Loud.

Chuck grunts in his sleep, and she feels it where she is since he's half lying on top of her. His arm is still around her waist, one leg tangled between hers, his head on her pillow very near her own head. She wouldn't be surprised if they've stayed curled up together since he pulled her into him last night, frankly, and the thought isn't as strange to her as she thought it would be.

As the alarm gets louder, blares more insistently, Chuck stirs, and he lifts his head up suddenly, frowning, hair a fuzzy mess of soft puffy curls. Sarah watches as realization dawns on his features, and he reaches out and turns off the alarm on his phone, on her bedside table, without even looking. It's a well-practiced art, Sarah thinks. He pulls his arm back, then looks down, and she sees his eyes widen as he evidently realizes their position. Apparently, he hadn't noticed quite where she was until right now.

"Good morning," she murmurs with a smirk, and he smiles, looking a little dazed.

"Morning." He moves to sit up, pull back, and she can tell he's about to spring away from her, so instinct takes over. Her hand grips his arm, keeping him grounded a moment.

"Stay?"  
She asks it before she can think, voice quiet, quick.

He blinks, slow, but relaxes.  
"...Okay." She lets go of his arm, moves her hand to rest against his chest, palm-down, as he stays right where he is, tangled in her, looking down at her. As ever, he feels warm beneath her touch, the same warmth she can still feel in herself, felt all night, she's sure.

He's still so sleepy and mussed above her she has to grin.  
"Hi,"

His returning smile is a little lopsided, and very cute, when he shifts a little, propping himself up, other hand coming up to brush some hair from her eyes then move a little lower.

"Hey," he says, and his voice is just a low, light murmur, but combined with the touch on her skin it makes something spark within her stomach. Her hand on his chest slips up, up to his shoulder, round to the top of his back, not pulling him to her, just eventually resting her fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck that she loves so much. His eyes flutter shut, but he suddenly sits back a little, moves his hand from her cheek. His expression turns a little sad, pained. "Sarah, please..."

She frowns as he pulls away and shifts back so he's not as close to her anymore. He takes some of his warmth with him, and she already feels the loss as she eyes him, heart racing a little anxiously.

"What's wrong?" she has to ask, not just meaning now, in this moment, but wondering what's been wrong for days, now, weeks, because she knows it's something, she just doesn't know what.

"I can't do this." he says, and something unknown punches Sarah in the gut. The air rushes out of her chest, stolen, but Chuck just continues, apparently oblivious to her reaction. "This, this whatever we are, being together but not actually being together, I just can't keep doing it anymore."

Though she wants to know more, so much more, ask him why, how long he's felt this, what she can do, instead, she nods, pulls her hand back too. And she awkwardly lies beneath him, wondering if she should move, at all.  
"Okay." She swallows. "Can... Can I ask why?"

"I- Isn't it obvious?" He laughs a little, half pained and half in disbelief, and she frowns. What is she missing here? A quiet voice in the back of her mind points out just what it may be, but before she can address it, he keeps going. "Sarah, I'm crazy about you. I wanna be with you, more than anything. And, and not actually being that, just pretending, or whatever it is we've been doing for months, I can't keep going. It's just- it's hurting me more than it's helping. And I know it's not good for you or for Ames, either, me being here but not being anything. I thought I'd take whatever I could get, to be with you, until you're ready, but this, I just can't do it anymore. I'll wait for you, Sarah, I will, but… not like this, not anymore,"

She blinks. Part of her aches for the pain she's apparently been causing him for weeks, but most of her is stuck on that sentence. _I wanna be with you, more than anything._ She nods, pulse racing.

"I'm ready."

He barely reacts, just nods.  
"I'm sorry, I-" He does a double-take, visibly. It'd almost be laughable if it weren't about something so deep, here. "Wait, what?"

"I'm ready," She shrugs, because she can't say much more than that. She really is ready, now, for him. This. She has been for months. And she is finally ready to suck it up and own up to her past and let him know absolutely everything about her. "I've been ready for a long time, there's just, there's a lot that I wanted to tell you first, and I didn't really know how to get to that. But Chuck, I want to be with you more than anything, too."

As she shakes her head, Chuck's eyes get wider, he gapes a little.  
"Really?" There's the tiniest bit of lightness, hope, in his voice, and it makes her tremble.

"Yeah. I want this, us, for real." She smiles at him just a little, tilts her head. "You're kinda it for me, y'know,"

With a gasping laugh at her words, his own from weeks ago, he grins. It's wide, his nose crinkles that way she so adores.  
"Okay."

An unstoppable smile spreads on her own lips, her heart pounding once more but for an all new reason. For hope. For, oh, so much more. For Chuck.  
"Okay." She nods, wondering where they go now. If she's really just about to spill her heart out, explain everything, why she's held back for a year now, curled up in her bed early in the morning. Thankfully, Chuck leans down again, still beaming, elation infectious.

He swallows, eyes locked on hers.  
"I'm gonna kiss you now, if that's okay,"

They need to talk. She's determined that they will before they really move forward, she knows she owes that to Chuck. But she supposes, one little kiss will hardly hurt. Grinning at him, seeing the pure joy in his eyes, she tilts her head.  
She's only just managed to nod before he dives in, hands cupping her cheeks, and he kisses her, stealing her breath, his lips insistent and sweet.

She grins against him, presses up to kiss him better, and slips her arms around his shoulders as he laughs into her mouth. She absentmindedly thinks that she can hardly believe this is happening. That they're on the same page, finally, after so so long. As his mouth gets more determined, she relaxes against him, and he swings back and brings her with him, until they're lying down on their sides, lips still locked. One of his hands slips down to her hip, squeezing gently, and she groans against him, moving closer, moving her leg over his calf, pressing into him. He gasps, the kiss deepening, getting more intense and heady with every breath, and his hand slips under the camisole she's wearing, skin sparking, and-

"Mommy?"

They split apart, eyes wide, and Sarah looks over at the door. Thankfully, it's still shut, Amy didn't just witness that happening. Really, really, thankfully, Sarah thinks. That would be hard to explain. She clears her throat, shares an awkward relieved look with Chuck before promptly looking away because he looks so damn mussed and flushed and kissed and she just wants to lean into him again. Instead, she hops out of bed, opening the door and finding Amy standing on the other side.

"What is it, baby?"

"I can't find- Oh, there's Chuck. Hi Chuck!" Amy waves, and begins to wander off again, worry evidently over. That the four-year-old thinks so little of Chuck sharing a bed with her mother is rather telling to Sarah, but she ignores it. "Can I watch TV?"

Sarah blinks at the rapid change of topic. Ordinarily, on a daycare day, she'd get Amy dressed or having breakfast before they even consider morning TV, but right now, she knows she needs a second or two with the little girl still otherwise occupied.  
"Um. Sure, Ames, we'll be through in a minute," Shaking her head, she turns around again, seeing Chuck smirking a little sheepishly from the bed still. She shrugs. "Life with a four-year-old."

He grins.  
"It's okay."

She nods, glad they're not too embarrassed right now. But, since she's up, and Amy's awake, Sarah knows they can't return to doing what they were just doing. As much as she'd like to. Really, really like to. And as much as they need to talk, she's almost glad Amy interrupted them, because they both have jobs to get to this morning, and though Sarah wishes they could while away the morning as she explains the CIA, the threat to their lives, as she lays everything out to Chuck—they don't have time this morning. They just don't. And so she takes the out.  
"I need to take a shower before work, could you watch her? If she says we're having pancakes, she's playing you, she knows it's cereal."

Chuck stands, heads toward her, nods.  
"Sure." he murmurs, eyes dark, and just like that, all the feelings she'd had before Amy had interrupted surge back within her, full force.

She smiles up at him as they end up toe-to-toe, exceedingly rare but wonderful nerves sparking in her stomach at the sight of him, the feelings he's eliciting in her, the sheer life buzzing round her veins.  
"Thanks."

When he grins in reply, he swoops down and steals a kiss, and she can't even feel somewhat robbed by it as she walks away.

Once she's showered and dressed, she enters the kitchen to find Chuck dressed in his Nerd Herd uniform, biting through a piece of toast. Amy sits at the counter, dressed too, sipping some orange juice with a bowl of colorful cereal before her. Sarah steps up to her, runs a hand through the little girl's curls and presses a kiss to her crown, feeling doubly grateful for her this morning, somehow.

She looks back up at Chuck, sees him smiling, but he checks his watch and sighs.

"I gotta go, I'm running a little late. Normally I get up right with my alarm, but..."

Yeah, they'd been a little busy. She flushes, manages to nod.  
"I'll walk you out," she says, and though her tone is light, her thoughts are still drifting.

He smiles somewhat knowingly, but passes Amy, kissing her cheek as he goes.  
"I'll see you later, bug, okay? Have a nice day,"

"Okay," Amy nods, grinning through a mouthful. Strangely enough, her nose crinkles with her smile, a little like Chuck's. "You too."

Sarah smirks at that, and her daughter's thoughtfulness, but steps away.  
"I'll be right back, baby, I'm just gonna say goodbye to Chuck,"

Amy evidently also finds that normal, for she nods, and Sarah follows her... well, whatever Chuck is, to the door. He keeps walking ahead with a purpose, not turning around, pace fairly quick, and swings his messenger bag over his shoulder, pulls open the door. Sarah steps out into the hall behind him, pulling the door all but closed, though with his rush, she almost expects Chuck to just run down the hall and wave. Instead, though, he spins around determinedly, holds her by the hips and pulls her into him, and kisses her again.

It's so deep and warm and overwhelming it literally makes her toes curl against the carpet as his lips move over hers both softly and hungrily, and she moans a little as he pulls away.

"You have no idea how much I don't wanna leave right now," he murmurs, voice low, deliciously gravelly from the kiss.

Even as she grins somewhat proudly at that affect, she slips her arms around his waist, looks up at him what she knows is probably a little dreamily.  
"You need to go. I, need to go, soon."

"I know," he mumbles, kissing her again. Once more her heart skips a damn beat at the feeling of him. He pulls back, stays close. "But I really... really, don't want to."

She rests her forehead against his, smiles yet again. It's all she feels like doing right now, smiling, grinning, laughing in joy, feeling so happy. It's been all of an hour with him and she already feels the happiest, the giddiest, she has in years. Chuck grins right back at her, and she can't help but giggle, even as something cooler in her mind prevails.  
"Go, go on. We have all the time in the world when we've finished work," she reminds him, reaching up and playing with one of the buttons on his shirt. Sobering a little, she takes a deeper breath. "Just come back here again, tonight. We have a lot to talk about."

He smirks.  
"We do," he says, though she knows he's not quite aware just how much. "And we're gonna kiss more, right? Because I really like that, the kissing,"

She rolls her eyes in amusement at his phrasing, even as something nervous flutters in her stomach again. She hopes he still wants to kiss her after she explains everything, at least. Before she can think too much on that, get too much into her head, he leans in again, kissing her soundly once more, and she kisses him back just as much, feeling his hands slip around to her back, fingers splayed against her shirt, pulling her up to him. He groans a little as their tongues meet and the sound mixed with the feeling sends a shiver right through her. After a minute more, she forces herself to pull back, gasps a breath.

"Go."

"Until tonight," He grins, kisses her once more, then pulls away, heading down the hall and not looking back. She's glad he found the will to leave- she certainly wouldn't have it. Not now, not with those kisses. The things the man has made her feel, with his words and his lips and his touch, all before 9am... It should be illegal, she's sure of it.

Taking a deep, calming breath, she turns around, heading back into the apartment and getting ready for the day. Even with the nerves, she'd be lying if she said she wasn't just looking forward to tonight.

* * *

She's still giddy when her phone rings just before lunchtime. She looks down at the screen, hoping it might be Chuck calling to talk in the middle of the day, but it's an unknown number, not one in her address book, and she lets the call drop without a second thought. Her phone rings again just seconds later, though, and she frowns at the screen, wondering who's being so persistent. This time, however, it's a different number, one already in her contacts, and she smiles when she sees Ellie's name on the screen. It might not be Chuck, but it is his sister.

She picks up, wondering if Ellie knows, yet. Sarah's no idiot, she knows Ellie has been rooting for her and Chuck since the beginning, in some ways. If Chuck hadn't been able to keep them being real, finally, a secret to Ellie if they've spoken today, Sarah wouldn't blame him. She wouldn't mind at all, really.  
"Hey, Ellie, what's up?" She smirks at the doctor's pause, glee not abating. "Has Chuck said something?"

Ellie clears her throat.  
"Actually, it's about Chuck." The glee fades, fast, when she hears Ellie's tone. Low, sad, thick.

"Ellie what's wrong?" There's another pause, and a chill seeps into Sarah's veins suddenly. She has the most horrible feeling she knows what's going on here. "What's wrong with Chuck?"

"I- God, I can't believe I'm saying this." Ellie mutters, and Sarah holds her breath. She needs to know, Ellie shouldn't spare her.

"Say it. Please."

The doctor sighs, sniffs.  
"Chuck was out on an install this morning, and he's- he was shot."

And, with that, Sarah drops the phone. And where happiness and light has filled her all morning, now, a cold cold darkness sweeps over her.  
She doesn't even have to ask how it happened. She knows. This morning she'd given in, finally risked everything, risked him, selfishly, and now her past has caught up to her, after all these months, years. She knows just who's responsible for this, there's no other possibility.

It was Caria.

* * *

 **a/n 2:** Annnnd, sit back and laugh evilly… Well, you didn't think I'd introduce a giant bad guy that defines the fic just to have it all wrap up neatly, did you? Not when I'm writing for this show with all its crazy crazy cliffhangers (which I love, btw.) And see, Sarah's hesitation all these chapters was for a reason…  
Now I have to confess, I did not intend for this to be the final chapter I posted before moving, but, that is kinda how it's turned out, eek. I'm flying out tomorrow. Mildly terrifying. I will do my best to not leave y'all hanging with this cliffhanger too long, and get the next chapter up as normal, but if I'm a couple days late due to getting settled and stuff, I hope you'll forgive me. As for what happens next, well, we'll just have to see ;) I hope you enjoyed this chapter, even if not the end, lol, and I'd love it if you leave a review and share your thoughts with me. The next update, when it appears, hopefully as usual, is 'The Spy'. I hope to see you there.

-Kiera :)


	24. The Spy

**summary:** Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they find a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

 **a/n:** Hello from LA! I landed safe and super tired after an 11 hour flight with no WiFi and no sleep, hence this chapter being a day later than normal. Sunday was just a washout with zero editing time and a lot of caffeine. Thankfully, I'd already started editing this before I moved, so it's not that late. I'm super curious what y'all are gonna make of this one. It's kinda a journey in many ways, lol, but I'd always intended things to go this way after all this time. Your responses lately with all your freakouts and theories have been so brilliant, so, as ever, if you enjoy this one, please review!

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Chuck, hospitals, notes, or knives.

* * *

 **The Spy**

She hardly knows where she's going as she races down the hall, Amy in her arms, safe and sound. As safe and sound as she was the moment Sarah had raced to daycare, in fact, fearful that if Caria got to Chuck he might've gone to her daughter, too. But the place was as calm and mundane if somewhat chaotic-with-kids as it always is, and Sarah had promptly picked up her little girl and immediately driven to the hospital. She'd watched the road around her for tails so constantly she'd almost run three red lights she only just noticed in time. But Amy is safe, still, and this hospital feels a little safe, at least, and they need to see Chuck. Sarah needs to see Chuck.  
If she could just find the right room, first.

Each part of the damned hospital looks the same, all bland blue walls, so many corners, and she just knows he's here on this floor somewhere. She tries not to clutch Amy tighter as she rounds another corner but just finds a nurses station, empty-looking rooms with closed, uninviting doors all around.

She sighs, steps up to the station, tapping her foot impatiently as she waits for the nurse there to hang up the phone. It takes a good two minutes before she does, and by then, Sarah's tense, impatience and anxiety washing over her in waves.

"Can I help you?" the nurse asks, and Sarah tries not to scoff. No, she thinks, she's just been standing here for two full minutes for absolutely no reason. She knows the thought isn't fair, it's a busy place and waiting a couple minutes is normal, but she still thinks it.

Instead of getting mad, though, she just nods, tight.  
"Can you tell me what room Chuck Bartowski is in?"

"Sarah?" someone asks, the voice mercifully familiar.

She turns, seeing Ellie walking out of a room, and relief floods Sarah. She steps forward instantly, the doctor's arms embracing her in a brief hug before they even say anything. Behind Ellie, Morgan and Devon step out of the room the doctor herself has just exited.

"Is he in there?" Sarah asks, hearing how strained and desperate her voice sounds even to her own ears.

"Yeah," Ellie nods, but she raises a hand to stop Sarah instantly barging in like she wants to. Evidently, the other woman can pick up on her headspace, see that Sarah's still half freaked out and worried, and she clearly has a cooler head right now. Sarah shouldn't go see Chuck like this. She should get herself together first.

She clears her throat, shifts Amy on her hip, the little girl's weight getting a little heavier in her arms by the second.  
"Is he okay?" On the phone, Ellie had assured her that Chuck is safe and alive and basically fine, but who knows what could've happened between then and now, the time it took Sarah to go pick up Amy and race over here.

Ellie nods.  
"Yes. The bul-" She stops, looks at Amy, and as Sarah realizes what the other woman was just about to say, she turns.

"Devon, would you mind taking Amy?"

Awesome shakes his head with a smile, reaching out, and the little girl goes happily into Dr Captain Awesome's arms. Sarah sends him a brief thankful smile, but it quickly fades as he steps away, gets out of earshot.

Ellie clears her throat, continues what she'd stopped herself saying.  
"The bullet went through his arm cleanly, it almost just clipped him. He's incredibly lucky, it didn't hit any bone, any vital vessels, and he got here long before blood loss could've been an issue. Early mobility tests are showing he'll recover fully, he could be out of here by tomorrow, a couple more days at the latest. He just might not be able to write or type properly for a few weeks." Ellie smirks a little at that, but Sarah only manages a weak smile. The doctor frowns, steps forward, lays a hand near Sarah's elbow. All she can think is that just above that, on himself, is where Chuck got shot. "Hey, Sarah, it's okay. He'll be fine."

It's not okay. Chuck may be fine, but this really isn't okay, and Sarah knows it. This is her fault. Chuck is in that room, with a hole in his arm, and Sarah might as well have fired the bullet. She'd worried something like this might happen, been so afraid for such a long time, but it had been so many months since Caria became a threat that she'd managed to put off thinking about what the man might do if he found her. She'd just started hoping it wouldn't happen.

She was wrong. She let her guard down, and she was so very wrong.

She clears her throat, forces a brighter smile.  
"Can we see him?"

"Sure. He'll be sleepy soon, they just gave him some pain meds, but you've got some time,"

With another smile, Sarah pulls out her phone and sends Ellie a frazzled look, only half-faking. The past hour has been a complete blur.  
"Okay, we'll go right in, I… I just need to make a call first. I sorta left work with no explanation..."

Ellie smiles sympathetically.  
"Go. We've got Amy until you're back," Of course they do. There's always someone there, now, an extra pair of hands.

Nodding, a sour feeling filling her at the blatant lie, how easily Ellie had accepted it, Sarah heads down the hall until she finds an empty space. She opens her phone, scrolling through the call log, and finding the number still there from this morning. The one that she'd ignored.

The call picks up after just a few rings, and on the other end is exactly who she'd expected.  
"He's okay?" he asks.

"Yup." she says, flat. Tired. Empty. "You knew, then?"

He pauses, breath hitching.  
"Are you secure?"

"Do you think I give a _crap_ about a secure line right now, Bryce?" she snaps, then freezes and immediately looks around to see if anyone has heard her. Heard her say the name that Chuck's whole family hates. The name they don't know she really knows, the man they have no idea she used to date. Only Chuck knows.

"Okay, okay," Bryce placates, tone a tad patronizing, before he sighs. "I was there," he says, and she blinks, surprised.

"What? How?"

"I told you, Graham assigned me to this. I was chasing Caria, I tracked him to this warehouse downtown, and when I followed him in… I saw Chuck,"

She swallows, knowledge she'd already realized but has just been confirmed washing over her.  
"You knew he was in LA before now, and you didn't think to warn me?" She'd only had one missed call from him, and that was right before Ellie's. Too late to be alerting her, Sarah knows. "You warned me last year, but not yesterday?"

"Yeah, well, you made it clear you didn't want to hear from me, Sarah, I didn't think you'd appreciate weekly updates," he bites, before sighing apologetically. "Sorry. Long year. But I've been following Caria for months now and he's gone everywhere possible. I spent three months chasing trails in Europe. He was a ghost, we'd find him and by the time we got there, he'd moved on. I, we, didn't know he was even near you in the city, he kept leaving trails everywhere—yesterday it looked like he was in San Francisco. I had no clue he'd gotten close to you until I saw Chuck there today."

Suppressing yet another burst of anger at the fact that Caria was halfway across the world and Bryce didn't think to let her know that, either, she takes a deep breath. Bryce doesn't say anything more, but she needs to know, she has to.  
"Bryce, what happened in that warehouse?"

"Chuck showed up, said something about the Nerd Herd, and Caria didn't even miss a beat. He just waited until Chuck was in the place, and then he went to shoot him. I fired right when he did. Maybe his plan was to just kill him right away, maybe he was gonna torture Chuck and let you know. Either way, when I shot him, his aim went off."

She runs a hand over her face, trying to wipe away the images Bryce has just thrown into her mind of Chuck being tortured. They're terrifying. Breathing deeply, she tries to control herself, and focuses on what else Bryce has just told her.  
"I knew he had better aim than to miss so badly and just hit Chuck's arm. Is Caria, uh..."

"He's dead. I had no other choice." Bryce's words are simple, devoid of emotion, sorrow. He apparently has no problem with his actions, and Sarah knows, it's not exactly against his mission briefing, either. Caria will have already been enough of a headache for the CIA. He's less trouble dead. And though Sarah never celebrates when a life has been taken, she can't deny relief floods her at the knowledge.

"Are we safe?"

"Yes. We apprehended Caria's contacts right when he escaped, he was working pretty much alone. And with him gone and the promise of being paid gone, too, to anyone who might've been working for him, the wider threat to you is over." And thank god it is. As she tries to keep her breathing even, Bryce clears his throat. "Sarah, do you have any idea why he'd do this today, and to Chuck? Did anything different happen today that would make Caria target him over anyone else?"

Yes, Sarah thinks. Yes, something different very much did happen today. She kissed Chuck in the hallway, public view, right by a window, giggled with him, grinned at him, had trouble letting go. She had paid no mind to her surroundings, hadn't checked to feel for eyes on her, she'd just been so lost in Chuck. After so long, being so careful, she'd thrown caution to the wind right as Caria was closing in, and it had ended with a bullet through Chuck Bartowski's arm.

"Not much," she lies, shaking her head. "Do you know if Chuck saw you? Did he see Caria being…" Somehow, that's her biggest fear, right now. Once you see someone dying before you, it's hard to keep going with your life, really. She'd never been the one to take a life on a mission, no, but she'd been on ones where others had. Seen blood spatter on her shoes. That takes some getting over, and the thought of Chuck, sweet, kind Chuck, having to deal with that on top of his own injury, both being her fault…

Bryce clears his throat.  
"I don't know. Maybe."

Biting her lip, wondering how it came to this, how something so stable is suddenly falling apart, Sarah knows what she has to do, now. Where she must go, what she must say. But she won't tell Bryce that. And so she hums loud enough he could hear it, and hangs up without a goodbye, heading back down the hall. When she reaches the group, Devon hands Amy over right away, and the little girl cuddles into Sarah's side.

"D'you wanna see Chuck, bug?"

"Yeah!" Amy gasps.

"Okay. Remember what I said, though, his arm hurts, so please don't touch it. And he might be a little sleepy,"

"Okay." She nods, Sarah's talk in the car over here, explaining that Chuck isn't feeling well because he hurt his arm, evidently having gotten through.

Nodding in reply, Sarah turns, takes a deep breath, wills the self-hatred from her stomach because she knows she needs to keep up appearances for Amy's sake, and pushes open the hospital room door.  
It's quiet inside. Pretty empty and quiet apart from the beeps of machines, a lone set of flowers on a table. It reminds her of the worst aspects of hospitals, the awful memories of ending up in them after missions gone south. And she hates that she put Chuck here. Hates that, if not for Bryce, then Chuck might not even be here at all. If Bryce had been a second later, and Caria had been aiming for the kill, his shot would've been true and Chuck would be no more. It terrifies Sarah to even think of it.

He's lying on the bed, she sees, right arm propped up with the upper half wrapped in thick bandages, and his eyes open slowly, evidently at the noise of them entering. They widen when he sees them, though, and despite herself Sarah finds warmth flooding her at the sight of his lips melting into a wide wide grin.

"Hey, it's my favorite girls," he murmurs, so sweetly, sleepily, and it feels like a punch to the stomach. Sarah once more musters up a smile, and heads toward him. Amy wriggles instantly in her arms, clambering out, and before Sarah can even blink the four-year-old has jumped out of her grasp and onto the hospital bed, climbing up until she's cuddled up against Chuck's good side.

"I missed you," Amy says, and that punch in Sarah's stomach happens again.

Chuck laughs softly, curling his left arm around her.  
"You only saw me this morning, bug,"

"I know." With a giggle, she cuddles into the blankets, and Chuck grins as he looks up Sarah's way.

"Hey," he says, smile warm, inviting, and just at the sight, the image she'd thought up mere moments ago of him being tortured flashes before her eyes once more. A chill runs through her as she remembers she almost lost this, just today. Almost lost him. This morning, making out in her bed, kissing so wonderfully in the hallway, it feels a lifetime ago now.

She shakes her head as she steps closer, wanting to sit in the chair by his side, wanting to hold his good hand, wanting to rest against him and feel his warmth, his breath, proof that he's so very alive. Wanting to kiss him. Because, well, she does. But she put him here, and she knows, she just can't do those things. Not anymore.  
"I'm glad you're okay," she says, instead, and he nods.

"So am I."

"Does your arm hurt?" Amy wonders aloud, and Chuck shakes his head with a soft chuckle.

"No, Ames, it's okay now." He squeezes her against him, Sarah sees, and Amy nods as she takes that on board, looks to his injured arm.

"That's a big band-aid."

"It is." He giggles, ruffling her hair a little, so sweet, so caring. Sarah would've been devastated if she'd lost Chuck, but Amy... Well, that's something else entirely. To lose the man she's come to love, adore, treat like a father, to have all that taken away just wouldn't be fair. And it would've been Sarah's fault. She'd have ruined the two people she cares about most.

She clears her throat, stays standing, arms folded over her chest, as Chuck and Amy talk some more, but when the little girl starts to get restless and asks about coloring and playing, Sarah swoops in.  
"Baby, why don't you hang out with Ellie and Devon for a little while I talk to Chuck, and then we'll go someplace, yeah?" She's already thinking what that someplace is.

Amy nods happily, looks back at Chuck.  
"See you later, Chuck," She smacks a kiss to his cheek. "Love you,"

"Love you too, bug," he murmurs, smiling softly, and as Sarah's chest once more constricts she picks up her four-year-old, carries her outside. Ellie happily takes her, needing no clarification, and Sarah slips back inside the room and stays by the door. Chuck clears his throat when she doesn't move. "You're quiet,"

"I'm just thinking. You got shot. I'm hardly gonna be chatty,"  
Her words aren't quite a snap, but they're close to one. And they're the thing he least deserves, right now, in a hospital bed with a very recent bullet wound, but she's so mad at herself. So, so mad at herself. She reigns it in, keeps the frustration aimed her way, not Chuck's.

He raises an eyebrow.  
"I didn't mean it like that."

Biting her lip, she moves nearer, sits in the chair anyway but keeps her distance, stays leaning back.  
"I know. I'm sorry. But, Chuck, if that shot had been a couple inches to the right, you know it..." It would've been a lot deadlier. A couple more inches on that hypothetical, it would've been his heart.

While the ideas terrify her once more, Chuck nods, apparently considering them.  
"I know. I've been thinking about that." She sighs, runs her hands over her face as he keeps going. "I've, I've actually been thinking a lot about that. And about us."

Something tugs in her, and she looks up at him, vision little hazy. Not now, she thinks, she can't handle this now. She has other things to tell him, things she knows will change what he's about to say. She can keep it inside no more.  
"You don't-"

"No, please. I wanna say this. If things had gone differently, today, then I don't know where I'd be, and we'd be. And as I was lying there, a- a damn hole in my arm, I realized I could die without telling you how I feel, without you knowing,"

Oh, god. Her chest literally aching from this pain, she shakes her head.  
"Chuck, really-."

He frowns, determined.  
"Sarah, I-"

"This is my fault." she interrupts, heaving a deep breath at the admission. The truth. Finally, after all this time. It catches Chuck off guard, she can tell, for he stops himself, looks at her and blinks, before he scoffs a quiet, confused laugh.

"How is this your fault?"

She sighs, avoids his gaze, stares at her hands instead.  
"You know that I've been trying to talk to you. I've been trying for so long, I have. And—and every time, I just couldn't. Every time, I found an excuse, or—or you handed me the perfect one and I took it. I wanted to tell you because I wanted you to know, I didn't want to _have_ to tell you, not—not like this." He says nothing, probably still confused at her, and she shakes her head. "So, this is it. I all but did this. The person who shot you, he was trying to hurt you to hurt me."

"What do you—wait, how do you know who shot me?" he asks, after a moment, sounding perplexed, like he's thinking aloud. " _I_ don't even know who shot me, I barely saw the guy."  
That's something of a relief, she supposes. Chuck didn't see his shooter getting hit himself. But she has bigger worries, now, now that she knows that's not a concern anymore.

She swallows, throat thick all of a sudden. She'd known in her heart all along who'd done this, but speaking to Bryce confirmed it.

"His name is Danny Caria. He's a criminal, and he was a member of a crime family, and I'm the reason he was arrested, years ago, along with his entire organization, his family. I was young, back then, and a little cocky, and he held me responsible for what happened." She clears her throat, eyes on the ground so she can get through this. Because she's tried to spare Chuck from this, she has, tried to keep him from knowing her past, the type of person she used to be, and learning of all the awfulness in the world that it so often feels like someone as sweet as him cannot possibly know about. And if she looks at him, and sees the look she knows will be in his eyes, right now, she knows she'll crack once more. And she has to get through this. "He escaped from prison months ago and he's been running ever since, and I knew it could only be a matter of time before he'd find out where I was, and come find me. And that he'd then find you, realize if he killed you, or hurt you, that would be one of the best ways to hurt me, as revenge for taking him down and destroying his whole family. I should have told you, I kept trying to, but I didn't know how, and—and I just loved you being with us, and being with Amy, so I was a coward and I lied instead, and I hurt you, and this is what happened."

When Chuck is silent, she caves anyway and looks up, finding him watching her with a strange wariness in his eyes. She'd expected to see it, but it still pains her. He looks like he doesn't quite know who she is. She realizes: he doesn't.  
"I... I don't understand. Were you like, a witness, or...?" She tries not to laugh mirthlessly. Even now, he's trying to find the good. Trying not to believe it. But if there's ever been a time for Sarah to be honest with him, she knows it's now.

"No. I arrested him." He gapes, and she hates the twisting feeling in her chest. "I—I'm not explaining this well, I'm sorry. I should've stayed away from you, I tried, I did, so-"

"It's not your fault. Even if you were involved, you couldn't have known." he says, soundly, surely, and she wonders how he can be so unbelievably sweet and determined right now even though she's clearly lied to him, clearly knows something he doesn't, it's impossible. Chuck Bartowski has always been a little impossible, though, she supposes. Sighing, she folds her arms over her chest, frame tensing.

"It is, Chuck." she insists, shaking her head. "Because I _did_ know this could happen. This could happen so many times, with so many people, any number of people I helped screw over could try and find me and hurt me and everyone around me. It's why I tried so hard not to let you in—trying to protect Ames is enough, but everyone else... Before I even realized, I'd brought you and your family and your friends into this danger, just because I liked you."

He blinks before her, looking more and more confused and lost with every word she says, and she hates the sickness swirling in her gut. Swallowing it down, trying to rid herself of the sour taste in her mouth, she keeps going.

"And, and you're so good with Amy, I'd never want to stop that, believe me. I'm fine with you and her, I love it, but… But I kept holding back with us, because I knew if we… Then he'd come after you. Which—which was just stupid, because we just kept getting closer, and with Ames, too, and anyone who saw us would know how much we care about you." She tries not to roll her eyes at her own circular logic. The things she's known for months, now, but refused to acknowledge, refused to see, because she also saw no way out of the hole she'd dug for herself, the corner she'd backed herself into. "And then I didn't know how to make things better, but I didn't wanna push you away, so it just kept getting worse. And then this morning… He saw us, somehow, and he chose you. He chose to hurt you."

"I… I still don't understand," he says, again, and she grimaces. She's loath to tell him, shamefully admit how much she's lied, but this is the end of the line. She's tried every other option, taken every excuse. She has nowhere else to go.

She takes a deep breath, locks eyes with him.  
"Chuck, you never asked what I did before I had Amy. What I was doing when I got pregnant, what job I had."

"No." he says, eyes narrowed in confusion. "But you quit it, right?"

She smirks, but there's no mirth there. It's wry, bitter, just like she feels, and she shrugs.  
"I did. But it's pretty hard to really get out of the CIA."

He blinks.  
"Holy crap," he breathes, and silence falls. He says no more.

And that, she supposes, is that. Wiping her hands on her knees, she stands.  
"I'm sorry. For lying to you, and to everyone else, and getting you into this, and almost getting you killed just because of my past. You're safe, now, the threat to you is gone, but this still happened. And that's my fault," she says again, and this time he doesn't protest. Doesn't say it's not. He just looks at her, eyes wide, gaze somehow unfamiliar. Or like she's unfamiliar. She swallows. "I have to fix this. I'm going to fix this, it's- it's the one thing I'm good at. I need to go. I'm sorry."

Taking a deep breath, she heads out of the room, ignoring every urge within her that begs her to go back to him.

"I… Wait, Sarah, c'mon, wait-" She hears him say, but she knows, right now, she can never face him again without at least doing what she has to do next. She just gets out of there.

Blinking away the tears in her vision, she sinks into years-past training and brings up a big smile, heading over to some chairs where Ellie sits, Amy next to her.

"Hey, there she is," Ellie says to the little girl with a grin, and Sarah chuckles softly, ruffling Amy's hair as she reaches her.

"I think we'll head home," Sarah says. "Let Chuck rest, let you guys spend some time with him, y'know?"

Amy blinks up at her, eyes wide.  
"Can we see Chuck tomorrow?"

Rather than outright lying to her daughter, Sarah shrugs.  
"He'll be home soon, Ames, I'm sure," Ellie nods at that, and relief floods Sarah as she scoops up Amy again. "See you guys later," she says, hoping it's not a suspiciously quick exit.

The doctor just smiles, resting a hand on her arm again. Sarah feels awful once more for lying to such a lovely, welcoming woman as Ellie. Such great people as Chuck and his family.  
"Definitely," Ellie says, before leaning in a little. "And if he's here a few more days, you can come visit him, y'know, I'm sure he'd love it,"

Yeah, Sarah's not so sure, since Chuck now knows she's the reason he got shot, after all. Smiling again, she waves goodbye to Morgan and Devon across the way, says a quick farewell to Ellie, and heads down the hall.

When they're in the car and on the road, she clears her throat, looks in the rearview mirror at Amy.  
"Hey baby? What d'you say we go to Grandma's a couple days early? As a treat."

Amy cheers, giggling and kicking her feet, and Sarah nods. They head home, and she quickly packs a bag with Amy's stuff, a much smaller bag with some of her own things, and then heads right back to the car, stopping only, only, to slip a note under Chuck's door.

She tells herself she's not running, and honestly, she believes it too. Because she's not gonna stay at her mom's. She's got somewhere to be.

* * *

It feels beyond unsettling, to be standing outside the building once more. Hiding by some trees across the street as she tries to calm herself down. The routine is a familiar one- she'd done this before, prior to many a big meeting, a debriefing, an assignment, but then, she'd been a spy, she'd been trained. Even if she was freaking out over whatever mission she was about to be handed, whatever meeting she was about to take part in, she was still a spy then.  
And now, she's just a civilian. She hasn't been a spy in five years, she's gotten out of her ways, her training, and become a regular person. Well, and a mother. Somehow, that makes the fear ebb away, the thought of Amy, and she relaxes.

Her fear and her need to protect her little girl had meant she hadn't done this months ago, when she'd first found out about Caria. But now, with him dead and gone, and Amy safe again, here Sarah finds herself once more.

Cracking her neck, she crosses the street, ignoring the tiredness sitting in her bones and feeling the almost nostalgically known weight of the weapons placed around her person. Her knife is at the small of her back, refreshingly familiar. Her small gun is on her ankle, more throwing knives strapped to her other calf, and one smaller blade in the buckle of the belt on her jeans. She'd skipped the Smith and Wesson, this time. Though her CIA training had inevitably covered firearms, her father had trained her without bullets, and even as a spy she'd always felt most comfortable without them. Though it feels strange, discomfiting, to be a walking arsenal once more, there's a reliability within the knives she has, a sleekness she trusts, and right now she's referring to every moment of training she's had, Jack Burton, CIA, anything and everything, that which she can rely on most. She needs it, today.

She bites back a yawn as she climbs the front steps. She hasn't slept for more than an hour in days, not since that night at her place, in Chuck's arms. Since then, it's been constant traveling, moving, first the flight to her mother's and then the drive to DC (she's not an agent with the government to get the check for more than one last minute plane trip, after all). After dropping Amy at her mom's, she'd gotten a car, and headed to an old drop site she'd used years ago, just into Nebraska, a storage locker she mails cash to once a year. She'd never trusted anyone with its location when she was still an agent, and she'd only used it a few times, so when she'd quit the CIA and scattered everything, she'd moved most things to that place, the place with the least ties for anyone to track. And everything had still been there when she'd reached it. It housed many weapons, some files, and perhaps most importantly, the thing that will get her in. She pulls out the ID pass as she walks.

Though she'd handed over her official badge when she'd resigned, she'd kept this—not intentionally, at first, she just hadn't thought to hand it over. But now she's glad she didn't, for while her credentials may have been handy to identify her with, this pass is the thing that always let her into headquarters anyway. She casts a glance at it, ignoring the very outdated photograph as she walks through the doors. It had been taken her first day out of the farm, when any trace of skinny, gangly, frizzy-haired braces-wearing Sam-Rebecca-Katie-Jenny, or insert any other name here, had all been erased. Seeing that picture for the first time, she'd finally felt like Sarah Walker, though it had been months since she'd started using the name.

Sarah then had seen a pretty, confident, polished agent.  
Sarah now sees a young, tired, somewhat scared girl, with no idea what her future holds. She'd never have imagined the circumstances in which she's returning now, she knows it.

The badge scans green at the front gates, thankfully, and she steps toward the security as she always used to. As expected, the checkpoint goes wild at her weapons, and she rolls her eyes as she's escorted to the side by someone.

"Ma'am, you're gonna have to check some of these at the door." The man says, gesturing to a screen by his side, displaying the scan of her weapons.

Staring him down, she stands a little taller, and the guard wilts somewhat. He must be new, and Sarah's glad. She hadn't wanted to intimidate anyone, even if that used to come second nature in these situations, but thankfully this guy is scared just by her anyway, no real intimidation necessary. She tries not to be offended, since it helps her right now.

With a withering sigh, she hands over the pass.  
"Call Director Graham, tell him Sarah Walker's here. He'll want to see me." The guy raises an eyebrow, and she smirks. "Call him."

The guard steps away, reaching for his radio, after yet another disbelieving look. It's rather satisfying when, a minute later, he turns back around, looking shocked.

"You can go right up."

She nods.  
"Thank you." She's always teaching her daughter to be polite, after all. Taking her ID back, she walks through the checkpoint again and heads through the building.

It's strange, forcing herself to take a different route to the one she'd walked so often, back when Graham was just deputy director. Now, though, he's the main guy, in charge, and she presses the button for the right floor once she reaches the elevator. A few agents huddle in next to her, one of them a tall, young, blonde woman. She's dressed neatly in a pantsuit, makeup flawless, hair perfectly styled. Sarah can count three weapons on her body just by a glance, and she presumes there are many more the woman isn't advertising.  
Just the sight of her feels a little like looking in a mirror to years ago. Only Sarah, she got to make the right choice, one day, and leave this life, this building. When the agent heads out, Sarah resists the urge to call the young woman back.

Not everyone had Sarah's story, she knows that. In fact, she knows very few people were personally recruited by Langston Graham himself. As a child. Led to believe there was no other choice. She's made her peace with her recruitment, now, now that she's free. But she still wonders- how many others, maybe in this very office, share her story? How many others secretly crave escape?

She supposes it makes no difference, in the end. She got out, and now she's here again, pulled back. By her own choice. Stopping one person in an elevator just because she reminds her of herself does nothing in the long run.

The car reaches Graham's floor, and she walks determinedly down to his office, immediately approaching the secretary outside, who looks up at her, eyes widening. She doesn't recognize the man, but Sarah supposes she could've known him, years ago. That or he's been told what she looks like, in warning.

"Is there someone in with him?" she asks, cutting to the chase. The guy swallows.

"No. But he asked me to let you wait-"

She steps past him without so much as a breath, heading toward the office doors, ignoring the guy. She needs to get through to Graham, and she knows this is the easiest way to do it. Make her mark. Pushing open the doors, she walks in, stands tall.

Graham looks up, phone cradled to his ear, but barely blinks. Sarah knows the move. He's trying to make her think he's got other priorities, that she doesn't matter, but by letting her up here, warning the secretary, he's given himself away.  
"I'm busy, you'll have to-" Without warning, she pulls the knife from her waist, twirls the handle round into her palm, and aims, throws. She hits the perfect shot; it lands right in the bookcase behind his ear. "...wait."

She raises an eyebrow at his completion.  
"You were saying?" she asks, lilt to her voice. Behind her, footsteps and the clicks of cocking metal sound out, and she knows Graham's security have followed her in. They needn't have bothered- if she wanted the Director dead, he'd be so already.

He pauses, looks at the receiver.  
"I'll call you back." Putting the phone down and standing, he waves the security away, and, once they've scurried out, Graham tugs out the knife from the shelf it'd lodged itself in. He holds it on his palm, balances it a moment, before turning it around and offering it back to her, and Sarah moves toward him, takes the weapon once more. The routine is a practiced peace offering of sorts, she thinks. Graham nods, looks her up and down. "You've still got the best aim."

"Yeah, well I try not to find reasons to use it, so don't expect a thank you," she says, as she tucks the knife back into her waistband, folds her arms over her chest, stands tall again. "We have some things to discuss."

Sighing, he leans back against the bookcase, hands in his pockets. Oddly enough, he looks tired. Older, she'd expected, but tired is more surprising. He raises an eyebrow.  
"This is about Caria," he states plainly, then frowns a little. "Larkin never told me he found you last year—I presume that was at your… request. But I knew he must have warned you, anyway. So, now you're here to complain?"

Narrowing her eyes at his almost light tone, she nods sharply.  
"Yes. I am. I'm sure you know what happened, he almost got to me, he shot my friend." That's not quite what Chuck is, she knows, but it's easier to call him a friend than anything else, right now. Frustration brimming in her at merely the thought of what happened to her not-just-a-friend, what else Caria could've done, who else he would've hurt, she takes a deep breath, swallows thickly. "Why was Caria allowed that close?"

To his credit, Graham looks a little uncomfortable, looking away a moment and sighing once more.  
"Believe me, Walker, we tried to find him. I've had agents looking for him since he escaped. But he laid low a long, long time. I warned you-"

"You sent Bryce to me in November." she interrupts, trying not to laugh in disbelief. That's his justification for what happened, he was oh so kind enough to let her know? "That was almost a year ago, what, was I supposed to be on guard my entire life, just waiting until you caught him?"

Despite arguing about it, she had tried to do that, she'd really tried. But the other morning, she simply hadn't wanted to... And god, remembering the way Chuck had kissed her in the hallway before he'd left still fills her with an impossible warmth. She shouldn't have had to stay away as long as she did, she knows that.

Graham narrows his eyes, her questioning his logic apparently not pleasing him.  
"We didn't pick up the trail until last month," he defends, staring her down. "Like I said, he went deep, using rogue agents to do it at first, until we cut him off from his contacts. Eventually we tracked him to Los Angeles, Agent Larkin was assigned to that, but that morning he managed to elude him. Us."

She narrows her own eyes. It's not good enough. Chuck was shot, and Caria could've just as easily gone after Amy, no damn excuse is good enough.

"And you warned me in November, but not when Caria showed up in the same city as me? You didn't think to let me know then, when it actually mattered?" She almost laughs in disbelief, as Graham shifts on his feet. Much like Bryce when she'd asked him the same question, he seems to have no answer. And she knows why neither man thought to warn her, anyway. They're spies. Good spies, sure, but just spies. Spies wired to think in logic and action, thinking of the greater good, not the individual. ' _The needs of the many',_ Sarah thinks. She swears Chuck has that on a t-shirt. The CIA were trailing Caria, and only Caria, and though Graham and Bryce might have warned her as a courtesy when he escaped, Sarah knows, since then, their priority will only have been to find the man. It's almost just a coincidence, to them, that when they finally found him he was with someone connected to Sarah. Since Graham remains quiet, she keeps going. "If you were tracking him, why didn't you just apprehend him once you found out where he was? Why did you leave it until it was almost too late?"

"We didn't have a lock." he says, a little loudly, standing more upright. "The closest we got the whole time was in that warehouse that day. Larkin shot him. End of problem."

She sighs, rubs at her temple like she does when Amy is being particularly trying. He's just not getting it, why she's here, now. Why she's so damn angry.  
"No, I have a problem, Graham, I have a big problem. A criminal I helped bring in _escaped_ , came after me, and tried to kill someone close to me. He could've got to my daughter. That's not okay."

"We couldn't do anything more."

"Oh, come on, that's crap and you know it." she snaps, and Graham pauses, eyebrow raised. Sarah takes a deep breath, continues. "I'm out, I have a family, I'm a civilian. You're supposed to protect civilians. He was a danger, and you let him go free."

"I... I'll admit that, in some ways. It endangered your life and I... apologize." He shakes his head, like even saying the word has made him a little uncomfortable. "But we couldn't track him down, we had to wait him out. I stand by my decision."  
Like he'd stood by the operation that had killed Mark, she muses. Graham is nothing if not consistent. Even an innocent is acceptable collateral damage if a criminal is hurt too. It's a twisted sense of equality.

She steps forward, closer to the desk, stares him down. He may be taller than her, but she knows, she can intimidate the biggest, the mightiest of men. He's the reason why. She tenses her frame, glares.  
"And what about if this happens again? You know how many missions you sent me on—there are any number of people who could track me down if they escaped, too."

"Do you want protection?" he offers, and she almost rolls her eyes. "I could-"

"No." She slams her palm onto his desk. Though he doesn't flinch, he does blink at the move, and it fills her with a strange smugness. "I don't want protection, I don't want a detail or whatever else you wanna throw at me. I want you to do your job properly. I want, my friends to be safe, my _daughter_ to be safe, without thinking I might have to go off the damn grid."

"How is she?" he asks, almost conversational. "She's four now, yes?"

"Like you don't know." she murmurs, bitter. Seething. Like he didn't check when hearing Caria was after her, like he hasn't checked over the years, like he didn't look up her file when she showed up in the lobby. And like he even cares. Here Sarah is, halfway across the country from her little girl. She misses her like crazy, and she hates that she even has to be here without her, but she will never let this man before her get anywhere near Amy. Never let the spy life ruin things for her little girl any more than it already has done. Graham looks affronted at her words, but she shrugs, not sorry, and eventually his expression fades. It doesn't soften, so much as just disappears.

He clears his throat.  
"You're safe, you have my word. Though we're having… problems, I'll make sure nobody gets as close as Caria did. We can do better than that." She nods, stands back, and Graham sighs. "Some days, Sarah, I regret letting you quit. You were one of the best."

His compliment tells her, he's not trying to reel her back in. He knows she's long since left this life. She just shakes her head, thinks of all the hurt she's felt toward the CIA, the hurt that's raised its head today. They took her in, she'd idolized them, and they'd ruined her life. Almost ruined it again. No, she doesn't miss this one bit.  
"You killed the father of my child and brushed it off as collateral damage. You let a criminal get close enough he could have hurt my daughter. You almost let another man in my life die." A very, very important man. She shakes her head. " _I_ don't regret it at all."

"Most days, neither do I. Getting out of this life, it's not easy. It's not simple. But you've found a way." His tone is so strangely kind that she reaches to the small of her back again, instinctively, suspiciously, but he chuckles rather than attacking. "You haven't lost your touch. I hope you won't have to come back here again."

She nods, pulls back, forces herself to let go of the knife.  
"Next time, send a letter." she says, voice dripping with the disdain she still feels. "Email. Call. Don't send Bryce Larkin to my doorstep and make me wait almost an entire year."

Though she doubts Graham is aware of her history with the other agent, he nods sharply.  
"Noted."

Clearing her throat, she offers out a hand.  
"Director." she says politely, and he smiles. It looks strangely alien upon his usually cool features.

"Ms Walker." He shakes her hand, nods professionally, and with that, she leaves.

* * *

She's bone-tired by the time she gets back into the apartment. It was a long drive back to LA from DC, and though she'd made the concession of stopping at a motel twice for three hour naps, other than that she'd just driven as much as she could. Since she'd moved forward her trip to her mom's by a week by taking Amy there, she herself hadn't been prepared, and when she'd hurriedly gathered her things she'd only included two changes of clothes. She could definitely do with a fresh outfit. She'll need to return the rental car to the place by her mom's anyway, too, so she'd decided to just turn the whole thing into a round trip to get some more of her things. With a stop in her own place for a shower and a night in her own bed, first.

If she hadn't forgone bathing in so many days, she'd be tempted to fall right into bed the moment her feet cross the threshold into the apartment, but she makes herself head to the bathroom, stay beneath the hot comforting spray for a good fifteen minutes. As she stands beneath the water, she forces the remnants of her trip to wash away. Forces the spy side of her, the one that had come back out within the CIA headquarters, to swirl down the drain with every deep breath. And by the time she's finished, and also feels less gross, that side has gone. Her shoulders feel lighter, her nerves less tense. She hopes she never has to revisit that part of her again.

She's just out, clean, and pulling on some pajamas when she hears the knock on the door, and she swallows. She knows who it is- the knock is always the same, the same rhythm, speed. And suddenly she's all too awake.

Clearing her throat, and ridiculously cursing the fact that she knows she looks like she hasn't slept in days, and that her face is completely clean of makeup and her hair is a damp tangled mess, she heads to the door. She doesn't even check to see if it's him. She supposes she doesn't need to, anymore.

She pulls open the door, and there Chuck stands, in the hallway, in a t-shirt and faded jeans, thick bandage still wrapped around his arm.

His jaw drops when he sees her.  
"You're here," he breathes, so quiet she can barely hear him. He sounds stunned.

She blinks.  
"I am."

"You- you just left, I didn't know if you were coming back."

Frowning at that, and the worry that's apparently caused him, she shakes her head. How can she only manage to just keep hurting him?  
"I left a note under your door saying I was going out of town, I thought you'd see it-"

"I did. But you weren't answering your phone, and..." He trails off, shrugging. Sarah tries not to wince. Along with only packing two sets of clothes, she'd also forgotten to pack her phone charger—not that she'd really been anywhere with an electrical outlet to get it working, anyway. She'd been so set on getting to DC, talking to Graham, that when she had managed to get the phone working she'd just checked for any messages for her mom, and since there were none, she'd turned the cell off again. She hadn't even noticed Chuck's missed calls. Though she'd mentioned in her note that she'd had some business to take care of, she knows her just leaving and then being essentially unreachable to Chuck was hardly kind. But she had to go, she knows that, she had to speak to Graham and make sure nobody could ever hurt Chuck or anyone else she knows ever again.

"Sorry." she says, swallowing. She forces herself to keep her voice calm and steady, not trembling due to the emotion and exhaustion of the past few days, not tense with the anger and anxiety she still feels, at herself. "I was busy."

He nods, slow.  
"Can I come in?" She tries not to gape. She hadn't thought he'd want to, after what she'd told him, or, what she hadn't told him, coming to light. But apparently he's not done surprising her, and so she nods, steps aside, and lets him step past her. Lets him in. She closes the door behind him, turns, finding him stood far away, hands in his pockets. He looks antsy, she thinks. Jumpy. Probably over her. "Is Ames here?"

"No, she's still at my mom's."

"Good." Chuck says, staring her down. "We need to talk."

* * *

 **a/n 2:** Oooh. Not quite as mean a cliffhanger as last time, but kinda ominous, heh. Earlier on in this fic, when Sarah first learned about Caria, I remember people complained or said they were surprised she didn't go full-spy right away. It was funny to me, because she was always going to, and I'd known that all along, but I could hardly spoil all that! The difference is, when Sarah found out, she didn't even know what she was chasing or what she could do, and her little girl, and Chuck, were still in danger. Here, she just had some butt to kick because Chuck got hurt and she needed to make sure Graham and the CIA knew that could never happen again. I love our girl as a spy, complications and all, and though so much of this story is about her distancing herself from that side of her life, her spy side had to come back, just a little, to chase this down. I also always figured Sarah would be one of few people who could basically insult the director of the CIA to his face, and threaten him, and he'd be cool with it. Partial very messy talking was already done in this chapter, but the next picks up right where we left off here. The rest is yet to come. Two to go! And next up, Chapter 25, 'The Resolution'.

-Kiera :)


	25. The Resolution

**summary:** Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they find a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

 **a/n:** Naming this chapter was harder than writing it, for reals. But here we are, the penultimate chapter… I'm kinda emotional that this is all wrapping up, now. I really hope you guys like this chapter and where I take these three. If you do, please leave me a review on your way out, you rockstars, you.

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Chuck, coffee, road trips, or pizza dough.

* * *

 **The Resolution**

"We need to talk."

Those words are rarely good news, she knows. So often, they spell doom in relationships, the end. And she can't help but think that she and Chuck have been through so much already, there may not be much more they can deal with. There may not be much more she can say. She stays where she is, standing across from Chuck, and gauges his expression as he eyes her. She'd thought he would be angry, that she lied to him, that she's the reason he got hurt, that she just left the other day, walked away instead of explaining things more.  
But he just looks, normal. Like Chuck. If a little jittery.

She nods, and he keeps his distance, looking at her.

"I, uh, I thought about what you told me. That you think this," He points at his bandaged arm. The sight of it sends a wave of sickness through her. "Is your fault, because you used to work for the CIA. And I- I can understand, why you think that."

She sighs, worries her lip, looks away and focuses determinedly on the floor. Her past, her lies, her decisions, have ruined the best thing she's ever known.  
"I'm sorry." she murmurs, shaking her head. "I really tried to not let this happen, and—and I just screwed it all up."

"It's okay." His voice is surprisingly light at that. "Because I also decided... I don't care."

Her eyebrows raise, head snapping up to see him again. He's smiling a little, almost a smirk, still light as anything. Like he didn't get shot a couple days ago, like their worlds haven't all but fallen apart recently.  
"What?"

"I don't care." he repeats, with a shrug this time, before furrowing his brow just a little. "O—okay, I do care, a little bit. I… I kinda care that you didn't tell me about everything, I guess, I mean, these past few months would've been a lot easier if I knew all that. And I care that this has been hurting you for so long, wanting to tell me, and I wish you hadn't had to deal with it all yourself. And I care that you feel that this is because of you, I care about your opinion on that. But I also, sorta, don't mind."

She swallows, blinks at him.  
"What?" It's all she can possibly think to ask, again. Chuckling a little, briefly, he lifts a shoulder and continues.

"While you were away these past couple days, I had time to process everything you told me, I've been thinking on it all. And- and at first I was kinda a little mad that you didn't tell me, yeah, but, when I thought about it, I got why you didn't, and, in the end, I don't really care that you didn't tell me everything before now, I don't care that maybe this happened because of you. I sorta don't care that you used to be a spy- I don't care in a bad way, about that, at least."

"I..." She shakes her head, frowns. Resists the urge to step forward, ask him what the hell he's talking about. "No, you- you should care. Chuck, I should have told you. I could've stopped it. I put your life in danger, and I cut you out of any choice about that, you shouldn't forgive that."

"Maybe not," He shrugs. "And at first, I was... hurt, about that, but, uh, sanctimonious as it kinda sounds, I do forgive you. You didn't tell me, and I'm okay with that. I understand why you did what you did."  
He's still speaking so lightly, no nonchalant, she almost laughs. But she doesn't. Because she doesn't understand why he's being like this, why he's letting her get away with it.

"Chuck, _I lied_ to you," she presses, insistent, almost pleading as she tries to get him to just realize that.

He simply shrugs again.  
"No, no, you just never said. And I know, why you didn't, I understand that. I mean, you worked for the CIA… And I can only imagine how scary it must have been, with this Caria guy out there. And you didn't really lie, when you think about it. I never asked you if you used to be a spy, or—or whether you weren't telling me about some criminal coming after me, so when you didn't tell me, you weren't lying."

She tries not to roll her eyes at his persistence- she was in the wrong, she can accept that, she'd understand whatever he chooses to do.  
"I still-"

He moves forward, raises his hands passively. A peace offering, yet a totally different one to the one she'd received in DC. Here, Chuck just smiles once more, the tiniest bit, his eyes crinkling at the sides.  
"Sarah, I don't wanna pester you. I don't wanna be a nuisance. I get why what happened upset you, but... you need to know I don't hold it against you. I know how difficult trying to tell me all this would've been, and—and honestly it might've totally freaked me out if I hadn't already been shot and knew everything you were saying was true last week. You were a spy, that's… That's not something you hear every day from someone you…" He trails off, shakes his head, and she can only blink at him in disbelief. "And I mean, you've got Ames to worry about, if you'd told me then I would've been in just as much danger, too, and, and honestly I would've been pretty scared, knowing someone might've been out there, trying to hurt me, or hurt you guys. I can only imagine how scared _you_ must have been, god. There was plenty of stuff for you to worry about without adding me to it all."

"I should've told you." she repeats, and he pulls a face.

"Okay." He nods, folds his arms over his chest. "Why didn't you?"

She startles a little at his matter-of-fact way of asking, sounding bizarrely like one of her bosses trying to get her to explain her reasoning for something at work. Asking her to prove her logic. She mimics his stance, arms across her chest, and swallows a little, forcing herself to be honest, here.  
"I wanted to protect you, mainly, from everything, both the threat and the... the kind of world I used to live in. And, and I was scared of losing you, either through making you run because of what I used to be or you trying to escape the danger, or you getting hurt worse than you did." She gnaws on her lip. "And, and it doesn't make it better, but I was struggling enough with what was happening, I didn't want to put that on you, too. So I just didn't tell you."

He nods again, slowly, processing it all.  
"Okay, yeah, no, I still feel the same." She chokes, but he just keeps going. "I can't guarantee it because I don't think I'd ever be in this kinda situation myself, but, if things switched I'd probably do the same. I mean, Sarah, I would always choose to protect you. You, and Ames. I figured that's what you were doing and why you kept things from me, and you just told me that. And yeah, eventually the guy came after me, but that was his choice, he chose to track you down, and he chose to try to use me to get to you. That's not on you. I really don't blame you, for any of this."

His voice is so calm, so warm, so open. So accepting and forgiving. It just pains her all the more. Because there's a bandage on his arm that's there due to her, and there's a rift between them that she and she alone caused. And she could just accept everything he's saying, sure, she could just let it go and move on, but that wouldn't be fair to him. She's taken the easy way out before, and she's not going to do that this time. Not with Chuck, not anymore.

"How can you not?" she asks, bitterly, ignoring the slight fog to her vision. Ignoring the sickness in her stomach. She wraps her arms around herself, takes a deep breath. She'd hate herself, were she in his shoes. She hates herself enough right now, being in her own.

Pulling a face, Chuck stops. Shrugs. When he speaks, she thinks he's changed the subject completely.  
"Because- Y'know, I was gonna tell you this, in the hospital. I had it all, like, eloquently written out, in my head, I came up with it in the ambulance just in case something happened. But since I'm here, I might as well shoot straight." He pauses, and Sarah frowns, no clue where he's headed. And then he shakes his head, smiles again. "I love you."

She blinks, stomach falling through the floor. Every thought, every excuse, just stops. Ceases. Stalls.  
"What?"

"I love you," he repeats, words trembling a little. "I'm in love with you. I love you. God, I've been bottling this up forever, I love you-"

"Chuck," she chokes out, somehow, she truly has no idea how, before he can keep going, and he stops with a sheepish grin. She can't muster up anything at all in response. Once more, as he's done so many times before, he's stolen her very breath, her thought, every word.

"Sorry, I'm—I've wanted to say that for months, I'm getting kinda out of hand. But, Sarah, you're the most amazing person I've ever met. And I've loved you for... so long." He shakes his head. Sarah isn't sure she's really awake, right now. "I already thought you were incredible, with everything you've done, you've gone through, but when I was thinking these past couple days, knowing you were a spy before all this and trying to figure that out, I just admire you even more. I mean, I knew things were tough for you, but sometimes you would get this look in your eyes, or, or you wouldn't tell me things, and I thought I knew how you felt but then you'd do that, and, I knew there had to be _something_ else going on. And this just… I don't know, it makes sense. Giving that up, leaving that, it can't have been easy to let it all go, and then have it all come back to you and hurt you."

Taking the out, she replies to the one thing she thinks she can without her voice likely trembling.  
"I... no."

He smiles a little, lopsided, steps closer.  
"You and Ames, you're the greatest things that have ever happened to me. You're beautiful, you're smart. Amy laughs at all of my stupid jokes," She snorts a wet laugh at that—she does, too. "Every day, I just don't know how I got so lucky, to meet you guys, to have you in my life. And I just thank god that you moved in here. What you've brought, what you mean to me... I just love you. I don't care if you were a spy, I really don't, and I don't mind that you didn't let me in on this, because, at the end of the day, I'm pretty sure nothing in the world could make me feel any differently about you."

"Chuck," she sighs, as his hand reaches out, finds hers. His thumb strokes the inside of her wrist and her breath catches in her throat. She's not that shocked to find tears in her eyes, suddenly, blurring her vision, and she blinks them away before they can fall. This isn't a sad moment, this is... anything but.

"I know you're probably still dealing with all this, and everything that happened," he says, after a beat, apparently misinterpreting her silence. "And, I just kinda threw that on you, and it's a lot, and-"

"I love you too."

She should be surprised, at saying that. She's never said that, to any man in any relationship before. Before this moment, she didn't even know she loved Chuck. Except, she did, she realizes. She always has done.  
Every look, every touch, every moment that sat with her, sent a thrill through her, warmed her, moved her. Every time she'd feel that spark when their skin met. Every smile he'd send her way. Missing him on days she didn't see him, wishing he was there with her. The ache she'd feel when she'd watch him with Amy, so perfect and loving and warm, the family she'd longed for, Chuck the perfect addition. The light he makes her feel, the joy. Oh, the joy.

She's loved him for such a long time. And so, she isn't actually surprised to find herself telling him.

Chuck blinks.  
"You do?" He doesn't sound disbelieving, or look suspicious. In fact, he just seems a little breathless.

"Yes." It seems so clear now, everything she's done, because of the feelings she'd had but refused to realize. And, though this talking about her feelings side of things isn't her strong suit, at all, it never has been, she finds she wants to let Chuck know, everything. " _Yes_. I've wanted to be with you for so long, but I knew that put you in danger, so I kept pushing you away. Even though I didn't want to, even though... the more time we were with you, the more I saw you with Ames, I just kept falling in love with you, more and more. And that just made me want to protect you more, which made me love you more..."

Eyes wide and shining, he lifts a hand, gently strokes her cheek, and she holds back a whimper at the feelings it sparks in her.  
He loves her. She loves him. And somehow she just feels even worse over how she's acted, toward him, toward this man who loves her so much.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you," she murmurs, again, and he just lifts his lips in a warm, so warm, half-smile.

"It's in the past." His voice is just as low, and his eyes dart to her mouth. Her own do the same. "We can start new."

Sighing, she feels herself lean in closer despite trying not to. Despite trying to keep something of a clear head even though these feelings are making her dizzy.  
"I still don't know what I did to deserve you," she says, quiet still, and he chuckles softly.

"Well, I hate to tell you, but did something or didn't, you've kinda got me anyway."

She can't help but laugh at that, grin stretching over her lips, and he moves even closer. Close enough she has to look right up at him, close enough his breath lightly rushes over her cheeks. The air changes, and her smile fades.  
"You've got me, and you've got Amy, too." She nods, determinedly. "No more secrets, no more lies. You've got us if you want us."

He pauses, something else filling his gaze, more than just warmth and love. It's something more whole. Like, contentment.  
"Oh, I do," he breathes.

"Chuck?" she asks, in a daze, almost wondering how she's still standing with her heart racing as quickly as it is.

"Yeah," he murmurs, voice low. Thick. She smiles up at him, revels in the moment.

"We still have a lot to talk about... But, kiss me."

He needs no further prompting, stepping forward, slipping his hand round her waist with his good arm, and pressing his lips to hers. It's soft, and sweet, but lined with aching overwhelming love, tinged with desperation. She cups his cheeks, pulls him down to her, kisses him over and over, the feeling overwhelming. He groans into her mouth, lips hot against her own as he picks up where he'd left off the other morning, hand slipping beneath her shirt, against her bare skin, and she gasps, pulling away and resting her face against his neck. She presses a kiss there, but moans as his fingers sweep her skin.  
Her control is dissipating, way too quickly.

"We shouldn't. Your arm..."

"It's fine," he says, pulling her closer as if to prove it. His lips brush her temple, hot. "Really, it doesn't hurt much anymore, the stitches just need to heal."

"I don't want you to pull it," she insists. It's her fault he's hurt, she wouldn't wanna make it worse. Even if this is for a good reason. A reason she really, really wants right now.

"I just shouldn't put much weight on it." He pulls back, drags the fingers of his uninjured hand down her arm, stroking her elbow, her wrist, before his fingers lace with hers, eyes locked onto her own the whole time. It leaves her as breathless as the kiss did. "I've still got one good arm. And you can pull that one all you like,"

Smirking at his very intentional meaning, she kisses him again, walking backwards through the apartment to her room. Maybe it's foolish, to rush in like this, but she loves him and he loves her, and frankly, Amy's not here. There will be no interruptions. And she's waited long, long enough, in some ways. Once she'd gotten a taste of him on Thanksgiving, way back in last year, she'd been a goner, and she knows it.

And so she kisses him more, pulls him close, and lets herself get lost in him.

* * *

She wakes to find an empty just-cooling bed by her side, and the sound of Chuck humming in the kitchen. The singing is what's woken her up, in fact, but it's in a good, sated, loving way rather than an annoyed way, and she slips out of bed and pulls on his t-shirt, heading through the apartment to seek him out. She finds him in the kitchen, standing in front of the coffee machine as he sings and hums, the scent of caffeine in the air, and she almost kisses him there and then, again. She's still exhausted, especially since they didn't do much sleeping last night, and coffee is exactly what she'll need for today. She just watches him for a minute, as he dances a little dorkily, wearing only his boxers and the bandage on his arm, before she clears her throat.

He looks over his shoulder with a grin.  
"Good morning. I was just making you coffee."

She slinks up behind him, slips her arms around his waist, rises on her tiptoes to look over his shoulder.  
"So I see." She cranes her neck to plant a kiss to his jaw, then lowers herself, content just to hold him as he pours out the drinks. She didn't think it was possible to feel this good, just because of one person. To feel this alive, vibrant, giddy and warm at the same time. And she already felt that with him, at times, but she just feels it even more now, truly being with him. Starting new. Getting to share mornings, like this, with him and his dorky dancing. She presses a kiss to his bare back, between his shoulder blades, and he chuckles a little, moving to turn. She keeps her arms around him as he faces her and hands her a cup. She'd probably add something so it isn't just black, normally, but that requires moving and she really can't be bothered right now. Not while she's wrapped up in him.

He grins down at her, sips his coffee.  
"So what are we doin' today?"

"I, have to go to my mom's," she says, with a sigh and then a sip of coffee. It's hot and strong, waking her even a little in just a sip. Or that might actually be due to Chuck's arm around her waist, light since it's his injured one, but there all the same. "Ames is with her, plus I need to get the rental car back over there."

"Oh yeah. We, uh, we never really talked, I guess." He flushes a little and she knows where his head's at. What they'd done instead of talking. She knows she's regretted that choice before, pursuing her desires rather than opening up, since the last time, that ended in him being shot before she could explain her past, but right now she feels a little less regretful. A little more like the delay was very, very worth it. Besides, they still talked a bit. He knows she loves him, now. "How come you left Amy at your mom's?"

Taking another sip, she nods.  
"One of the many things we need to talk about," she says, and he raises an eyebrow. "I flew there with Amy, and then I got the car and drove to DC."

"DC? Like, Washington DC, DC?" He raises an eyebrow.

She smirks, shrugs.  
"Yeah, that one. Like I said, in my note and- and in the hospital, I had to leave to fix things, and make sure what happened to you, and Caria, can't happen again. So I took Amy to my mom's, and then went to the CIA headquarters, in DC, and I... had some words, with my old boss. I'm sorry for just leaving, and being so unreachable, there, I knew I had to go as soon as all this ended. The longer I waited, the more he'd think I was okay with what happened. So I just drove there and spoke to him and came right back, I barely slept,"

He nods, eyes sympathetic, but the smile he sends her is a little strained.  
"I gotta admit, I was a little worried you weren't gonna come back." he says, and she shakes her head, reaches up to cup his cheek.

"I would never leave you, Chuck. Never for longer than I had to, I promise," He smiles again, a little warmer this time, and she's about to lean in and kiss him just to reassure him further, but a sudden thought occurs to her, and she freezes. "Wait, you don't know about Bryce."

Chuck frowns, probably at what, to him, is likely a completely unrelated topic.  
"Bryce? What about him? Did he show up again, or...?"

Swallowing, she shakes her head, steps back.  
"Um. C'mere, sit down." She tugs him out of the kitchen and over to the couch, and he sits by her side, eyeing her curiously, a little worriedly. She takes a deep breath as she wonders quite where to start. "Did you speak to the police, about what happened? Did they mention what happened to the man who shot you, Caria?"

"No. I-I mean I spoke to them, but they didn't say anything about him. I know he was shot, though, he was on the ground when the EMTs got to me, I saw him from the ambulance. I didn't see who did it, I was, um. Kinda minorly passed out from the shock of…" He gestures to his arm, seemingly a little embarrassed, and she tries not to smile in case he thinks she's mocking him. But honestly, it's just such a Chuck thing to do. "There were police and stuff around him, though."

She gulps a little, putting together the facts.  
"That would've been a CIA cleanup crew. Caria was..." Stopping herself, she sighs. She has to remind him of what was deemed normal in her former life, of course, for this kind of conversation, but even thinking it herself still makes her skin crawl. "He was killed, by an agent who was tailing him. They saved your life, stopped him shooting you again maybe somewhere more vital, or… or anything else he might've done."

He pales just a little and gulps, nodding slowly.  
"Okay. But what does that have to do with Bryce?"

Though she knows it might not be up to her, it's partly not her story to tell, and she doesn't know much of it, she knows Chuck needs to know, he deserves to.

"That agent was Bryce." she murmurs, and his eyes widen. "Chuck, I don't want to keep any more secrets from you, I don't want to lie to you again. I- I never told you, but when I broke up with Bryce, it wasn't just that he'd been cheating on me. It was, he'd been seeing someone else, but he was doing it for a CIA mission. He was an agent, he is one. I didn't know until it was too late, and the moment I did I broke up with him."

"Wait…" Chuck trails off, something slipping onto his features, and Sarah thinks she knows what he's working out, right now. "Is that why he showed up before Thanksgiving? For like, spy stuff?"

She nods, swallows, thinking of that evening.  
"Yes. He'd been sent by my old boss to warn me about Caria escaping. Chuck, you have to know, at Thanksgiving, when you kissed me, I—I wanted to be with you so badly. But, but I'd just learned about Caria the day before, and I was so scared of something happening to you—"

"Hey, it's okay," he says, yet again, stroking her cheek and tucking some hair behind her ear. She smiles at him wryly, and he shrugs a little. "Bryce showing up shook me up too, when I talked to him I just wanted to punch him for hurting you back then. And, I—I'll admit I was still so scared I'd messed up everything with you, that day, I didn't have very good timing, kissing you right after your ex had showed up. Even if Bryce hadn't told you what he did, it probably still would've freaked us both out a little bit. But we got over it, eventually,"

"We did," she murmurs with a quiet grin, curling into him a little and thinking of the past few hours. "But I hated that I ran from you, then. I wanted to be with you. And I hated that the CIA had managed to screw up my life again."

He raises an eyebrow.  
"Again?"

"Yeah, I… I mean with Bryce, I couldn't date someone who was risking our lives every day, going on missions then coming back to me in the evening, endangering Amy..." He nods at that, perhaps understanding now one instance of the agency messing with her. The other, though, she knows he won't even guess. "But I just didn't want to be connected to the CIA, especially with what happened, with Mark."

Looking a little stunned, Chuck blinks.  
"Mark is part of all this too?"

She shakes her head, then stops.  
"He was never supposed to be. I never told you how he died."

"It's not...?" He sounds pained, disbelieving, and she sighs.

"No. No, he was a civilian. But he was friends with a rogue spy, he didn't even know it. There was an operation to take down the guy, and Mark got caught in the crosshairs. They considered him collateral damage, a necessary loss. That's why I quit, I-I couldn't stay with them, not then. I was already questioning things, but when he died I just... I had to walk away from all that." She shakes her head again, and Chuck furrows his brow in sympathy, aching. And then he blinks suddenly, and she sees he's connecting the dots.

"But you just went back,"

"Yeah. For you. To make sure nothing like this happens again, to make sure you're safe." She'd never really thought about it, honestly. She'd just known she had to do it, for Chuck. She reaches up, cups his cheek, and he covers her hand with his own, holding her touch there. "But Bryce is an agent, Chuck. He probably has been for a while. I—In fact, he, um, when he was here at Thanksgiving he said he didn't want to tell me fully, so I didn't have to lie you to about it, but he mentioned the CIA had something to do with, what happened to you at Stanford."

He gapes.  
"What the-? I…" He shakes his head, stunned once more, and Sarah sighs in annoyance, annoyance for him, for whatever it was that Bryce wouldn't tell her, whatever reason he had for ruining Chuck's future. "Did—I mean, was he with the CIA back then, or…?"

"I don't know, Chuck, I should've asked, but he'd already told me so much and I didn't even know what to think, and…"

Though she expects him to be annoyed or maybe saddened, before her Chuck just sighs, laughs a little in disbelief.  
"No, it's Bryce's fault for not telling me, I just... God, this is insane. It sounds like something out of a movie."

"I know," she murmurs, thumb sweeping against his jaw. "But he did save your life in that warehouse, Chuck. And however much I might hate him, I'll never be sorry for that."

He takes a deep breath.  
"Seriously, the guy just keeps being something else. First he slept with Jill, then he didn't, but he hurt you guys, which he did but he also just saved my life..." He shakes his head. "It's crazy."

She smiles sadly, strokes his neck.  
"Spy life usually is." She sighs, watching him, not quite sure where his head's at. She knows he's already had so many bombshells dropped on him the past few days, but one as big as this, that relates back to his life from years ago, his old best friend, that could be something tough to deal with. After a beat, though, he just shrugs, leans in closer to her.

"Like real life is much more normal," He smirks, and she grins, leaning into him. He nudges her shoulder gently, looks down at her. "Hey, thank you for telling me, all that. I appreciate it."

"No more secrets," she murmurs, and he smiles, soft and warm and wide, before swooping down and and kissing her.

When she pulls back minutes later, fairly breathless for many reasons, an idea has taken hold, one she can't shake.  
"Hey, I, uh, I have a proposition for you."

He tangles his fingers in hers once more, nodding.  
"What is it?"

"Come to my mom's with me?" He raises an eyebrow, evidently surprised, and she shrugs. "I know it's a lot, this soon, and I know we're still dealing with things, but my mom wants to meet you, she has done for months, and I want you to meet her. And I know Amy will want to see you. I feel bad, I just took her right away, she barely even said goodbye to you."

"You had your reasons." he murmurs, running his thumb over her knuckles. "Did what you did in DC do good? Did it keep you, Ames, safer?"

She knows what he's getting at, and nods, smiling a little.  
"Yeah."

"Then I don't mind. I get why you left. I wish you'd told me, just so I would've worried less, but then, I wish you hadn't had to go in the first place." He kisses her gently, squeezes her hand, and she tries not to just fall into him, his love, his reassurance. Thankfully, he pulls back after a few wonderful seconds. "I'll come to your mom's. I can keep you from getting bored on the drive."

She snorts a laugh, though she can tell he's deflecting from the probably pretty big idea of meeting her mom.  
"Okay. I need to pack, and we can leave at lunchtime. I was planning to be gone already by now, but... I don't mind running late." She smirks, kissing him again, and somehow finding the willpower to step away and head into her room to pack.

* * *

"My Dad was a conman," she says, hours into the drive. The music is turned low, the road is clear, and Chuck's hand is in hers atop the gears. They've talked a lot already, about a lot of things, but this, she knows she needs to trust him with. She sneaks a look at him, seeing him looking surprised but nodding, slow.

"Okay. And that's what got him arrested?"

"Yeah. We were always traveling when I was growing up, because he could never stay in one place too long, in case it all caught up to him, or someone he conned in town tried to find him. When I was 17 we were living in San Diego, and I got home from school one day, and the ATF and police were everywhere. He was walking out the front door in handcuffs."

Chuck squeezes her hand.  
"I'm sorry,"

"It's okay. What he did was wrong, and sometimes really dangerous. Honestly, prison was safer for him than most states would be. But... I'd always been there, on the cons. I'd helped. I didn't really realize what we were doing was wrong, it was just fun to spend time with my Dad. I'd distract people, pretend to be hurt, be lost... And he'd rob them, con them, anything. By the time he got arrested I hated it all and I refused to be a part of anything, but when I saw them arresting him, my first thought was still that they could get me too."

He's frowning when she looks over at him again.  
"But it wasn't your fault. You were just a kid,"

"I know. And, and looking back I don't think they would have done anything. But I ran. Dad had left a stack of cash in the woods for me for emergencies, he always did, anywhere we were. So I ran and I found it. Just when I'd dug it out, I heard this, um, this noise, behind me." She pauses, but Chuck runs his thumb over her wrist, reassuringly, and she takes a deep breath. "My Dad always taught me how to use knives. How to throw them. He was never into guns, not even into knives, but he thought it would be useful, and I liked the time spent with him... I had the knife I'd used to open the box of money, and I turned around and threw it. I just missed hitting the guy who's now the Director of the CIA."

"That's how you ended up there? Wait—you said you were 17?"

"Mmhm," she says tightly, nodding, and Chuck's hand squeezes hers. "The Director, Graham, he recruited me, trained me. Not much was above-board, I was a kid who'd do anything."

"God, that's…"

"Yeah, it's- In some ways it kept me safe when I didn't have a parent, anymore, but I also… I hate it. If that ever happened to Amy…" She trails off, shakes her head in slight fear at just the concept. "I didn't speak to my father again until Amy was born. I knew he'd never known I got recruited, for all he knew I was still on the grift. And I knew that when he got out he'd probably find me, eventually, and try to drag me back into it. Sometimes a young woman is easier to send on a con than a middle-aged guy, y'know?"

Chuck blinks a little, nods on a delay, and she knows he's trying to wrap his mind around the idea of the con game.  
"And with Amy…"

"I knew having a child would be one of the few things to make my Dad back off. He'll be out soon, but he knows I have a family and that I can't just be dragged into one of his crazy schemes again, even if he might never know I was a spy." She gnaws her lip, watches the road for a couple of beats before continuing. "But you were right, when you said quitting the spy life because I got pregnant wouldn't have been easy. I'd never had a real life anyway, and by the time I stopped being an agent all I knew was how to run missions, and work. I had to learn how to have a normal life all over again. While pregnant."

He sighs.  
"I still wish I could've been there, somehow. To think that as you're about to have a kid, that must've been awful."

"It was. But I told my mom everything, and she helped, a lot," She swallows. "I thought I'd managed to get used to it all. Until just before Thanksgiving, Bryce showed up, and I realized I suddenly didn't know how to balance the life I'd had with the one I have now. With you, and with Amy. And, and the moment we were in danger I went right back into my training- don't open up, don't trust people, and you won't put them at risk. I did it before I realized. And I was so worried that letting you know how I felt would get you hurt. Which it did."

He shrugs, but doesn't say it's fine, hopefully because he knows she's sorry enough over it by now. They've started new, after all.  
"For what it's worth, I don't think you could ever be normal, Sarah Walker. You're far too amazing to be that."

She snorts, pokes his hand a little before curling her fingers around his.  
"Well, I'd like to try. And- and I think that starts with you,"

"Me?" he asks, sounding surprised, and she tries not to laugh. How can he not realize he is her top—or, well, second including Amy—priority in life right now?

"Yes, you. I want to be with you, properly, Chuck. I know we're probably past the normal dating stage anyway, but I do want to just... be normal. And I'd like it, if Amy were to know."

"Okay," He nods in her peripheral vision, and she turns to him briefly, smiling a little.

"Really?"

It's not that she'd expected him to say no, but there's something of a difference between being in a relationship and being in a relationship and letting the four-year-old who loves you both, know that. Amy has never been pushy about Chuck and Sarah, she knows, mainly because the little girl has only ever known her mother as a single parent, and perhaps only briefly with Bryce within her memory. But she's never had the joint mother and father to yearn for, never expected her mother to be dating someone, she's just so used to their normal format. And though she adores Chuck, Sarah knows she loves him as the parent-like presence he is toward her, Amy, rather than what she is toward Sarah as much. As she gets older, though, the strangeness of what Sarah used to have with Chuck, a relationship without it actually being one, would probably have dawned on the little girl, would've gotten weirder and weirder with time. Eventually, she would've wanted to know what Chuck is in their lives. Now, when they tell her that Chuck and Sarah are dating, Sarah knows her little girl will realize that changes Chuck's role in their lives. Plus, them dating implies Chuck will spend even more time with them, and that alone will change things to Amy. She'll love him even more.

"Yeah. I mean, we've always been about stability with her, letting her know makes sense. And I wouldn't wanna keep it from her."

"Yeah, exactly. And- and you'll probably be around a little more, a lot more," She bites back a flush while Chuck simultaneously clears his throat. It's funny how different addressing the new nature of their relationship is, compared to being in it. "And... I think, eventually, we could be a pretty good little... family." He breathes in sharply, and she pauses. "Was that too much?"

He sighs, in thought this time, it sounds like.  
"Would it be weird to say no?"

She shakes her head.  
"No."

"Okay, then... no."

"You know you're basically her Dad, right?" she asks, looking at him briefly. He doesn't answer, and she shrugs, because she knows her words are true. They have been for a long, long time. "I know the two of us have barely even... But you mean so much to her, yourself, and she loves you so much, you know that. She's never been like this with anyone else, she just… adopted you as hers, I think, kinda without us even noticing at first. You just fit right in with us, with both of us. And I never even dreamed I'd find that."

He squeezes her hand tight, sniffs a little.  
"Me neither. But she's amazing, and I love her too. She's just... she's perfect. Every time I'm with her, I just think she's like, the sweetest thing to ever exist." He chuckles, and she grins, even as her heart starts to race at his words. She feels the exact same about her little girl. "I never really knew if I'd want kids. Or, or I think I always did, but I just never kinda, focused on it. And then the more time I spent with Ames... I realized I really wanted them."

She swallows again, and gives up any pretence.  
"You have one, in her."

"Sarah, I don't wanna step on any-"

"Mark is dead, Chuck." she interrupts, and silence falls within the car. Shaking her head, she keeps going. "That can't change. He never even knew Amy existed. And maybe it sounds callous to think of you in his place, but that's what's happened. He's Amy's father by blood, but you're the one who's been there for a year, you're the one who does all the- the Dad stuff with her. You treat her just like I do, you love her just like I do. It's not Mark's fault that he's not here, but he isn't, and you are. That's what matters to me. And that's what matters to Amy. That you're here."

"Okay." He nods, takes a deep shuddering breath. "Okay."

She sniffs, way too emotional over something she already knew. But saying it aloud, voicing it, that always makes it more real. She clears her throat.  
"It's getting pretty late, and pretty dark. We should find a motel, if we leave early enough tomorrow we'll get there before dinner."

"I'll keep an eye out," he murmurs, soft, hand still in hers.

They spot a decent-looking place after a half hour of virtually silent driving, and the moment they're both out of the car, Chuck rounds to her side, slips his arms around her and kisses her, deeply, stealing her breath and all conscious thought. He rests his forehead against hers when he pulls back, and she keeps her eyes open, gaze locked on his.

"What was that for?"

"I love you so much." he breathes, breath caught, eyes glinting.

Her knees suddenly feel weak again, and she bites her lip as her own breath hurries a little bit.  
"I love you too." And with that, she grabs his good hand, tugs their bags out of the trunk, and hurriedly drags him to reception, getting a room as quickly as possible. She's wrapped around him again the moment they step into the room, and she doesn't leave his arms for a long, long time.

* * *

She notices him getting antsy once he spies the sign for their destination. Sees how he rubs his hands on his thighs, scratches the back of his neck, runs a hand through his hair, looks out of the window, and then does the whole thing all over again.

"Are you nervous, Chuck?" she asks, a little surprised. He looks over at her, eyes widening a little.

"Uh. Yes. Is it weird to be nervous? Should I be nervous? I-"

"I suppose I can see why you would be," she says, trying her best to sound reassuring, reaching out and curling her fingers into his. "But there's no reason to be. My mom knows about you, she knows how important you are to us." And, Sarah had already called ahead to her mother to let her know Chuck is coming today, too, so she's not going to be surprised or shocked at his appearance.

"That makes it even worse! What if she thinks that but then she meets me and she thinks I'm terrible?"

She chuckles softly, though not at him, more at his ridiculousness.  
"She won't think that, at all, trust me. First, you're definitely not terrible, and she's also just not that kind of person." At least, Sarah doesn't think so. She's well aware Chuck is the first of her... boyfriends? (they haven't yet used the term but it certainly fits) her mother will have met. She'd known about Bryce, but never met him. And before that, well, Sarah barely even spoke to her. But as she's gotten to know her mom better over the years, she's grasped the kind of person the woman is, and a judging one, she isn't. She's warm, and kind, and frankly forgiving, too, open-minded. And Sarah just knows, somehow, that her mom will like Chuck. And anyway, even if she were a meaner person, Chuck is very, very hard to dislike.

"Wait, what do I call her?" he suddenly asks. "Ms Walker? Or—"

"Her last name isn't Walker," Sarah says, then gnaws on her lip with a wince. "My name… isn't Sarah Walker, either—at least, it wasn't."

When she casts a look at Chuck, she sees him blinking in confusion.  
"What?"

"I'm explaining this badly," She sighs, and he hums in assurance, squeezes her hand. "My name wasn't Sarah Walker, when I was born. When I moved with my Dad, we changed names in every town. When he got arrested I was going by Jenny Burton, he was Jack. He's still stuck with that name. And when I got recruited, the Director suggested Sarah Walker. You're not supposed to use your real name as an agent anyway…"

"And you stayed with it when you left?"

"Yes." She nods. "That was my name legally, anyway, and I'd been Sarah longer than I'd been anyone else since I was born, by that point. I felt like Sarah Walker. And I thought about changing it for a while- maybe Caria wouldn't have found me if I had- but I kept it."

He smirks sweetly by her side.  
"Well I like it. I like the Walkers," he says, and she grins. Not just at him saying that, though partly that, too, but also that his first thought hasn't been just to ask what her real name is. He's not demanding to know that. She would tell him anyway, of course, but she's not lying—she feels like Sarah Walker. It's Sarah Walker who's in love with this man by her side. Much like she was when she last saw her mom at Christmas, Sam is just the memory of the girl she used to be.

She chuckles, shakes her head.  
"So, don't call my mom Ms Walker. She calls me Sarah, though, because that's who I am and she knows it'd be weird for Ames if she didn't, but she's not a Walker. You can just call her Emma."

"Emma, okay." He nods. "I can do that. Is there, like, anything I could talk about with her? Movies she likes?"

"I-" She pauses, frowns. "I don't know, really. _I_ never talk about those kinds of things with her, you definitely won't have to."

He takes a deep breath, nods again.  
"But-"

"Chuck." She looks over at him, and can't help but grin when he meets her eyes a little anxiously. "Don't freak out."

He laughs softly, sends her a smile back.  
"I'll try."

Keeping her hand in his, she stays quiet the rest of the drive, and Chuck seems to relax, thankfully, keeping calm as she pulls off the freeway and drives into the town, around the neighborhood she still doesn't really know, and then pulls up outside her mom's place.

She turns to Chuck once she's stopped, smiles at him.  
"You ready?"

"As I'll ever be," he says, though lightly, smiling, and she chuckles, leaning across the console to briefly kiss him. She feels him grin against her lips just as she pulls back, and she forces herself to move, get out of the car. The urge to fall into him and never leave is always far too strong, she's realized. And she still can't quite believe they're here, like this, after so long. She gets her bag from the trunk, and reaches for Chuck's to hand it to him. He takes it, and, like he doesn't want to be the one to get there first, waits for her to head toward the house. He's a couple steps behind her as she heads up the porch steps and knocks on the door, but evetually he comes up by her side, arm brushing her own.

Her mom opens the door after a couple moments, smiling at them.  
"Hi, honey," she says, then trails off a little, looks at Chuck with a soft, welcoming look.

"Hey, mom," Sarah steps forward, hugging her mother briefly before pulling back, resting a hand on Chuck's shoulder. "Mom, this is-"

"Chuck!"  
Out of nowhere, Amy appears, barreling toward them both with a squeal, and Sarah manages to halt her daughter's hug attack just in time.

"Ames, Ames, Chuck's hurt, remember?" she says, hands on Amy's shoulders to keep her from leaping. "You gotta be careful with his arm,"

"Oh yeah," Amy nods, then turns to Sarah, settling for jumping up at her instead. "Hi, Mommy! I missed you."

"I missed you too, baby," she murmurs, kissing Amy's cheek briefly and hoisting her up into her arms. From there, the little girl turns to Chuck.

"You're here!"

"I am, bug, hey," He grins as Amy throws her arms around him while still in Sarah's arms, and the little girl giggles happily. Sarah tugs her away only so they can step into her mom's house, Emma moving back to let them in. When they're inside, Sarah clears her throat, tries again.

"Mom, this is Chuck," she says, looking at him. He smiles, a little tighter than Sarah's used to, but she supposes he's just nervous again.

"Hi, Chuck," Emma says, warm and welcoming just like always. "I'm Emma. Sarah's told me a lot about you, glad to have you."

"Yeah, yeah, glad to be here, Emma," he says, a little quietly, and Sarah can't help but think his nerves are adorable, if still unwarranted.

Amy gasps, looking up at Chuck.  
"Are you staying?"

Sarah watches as he looks at Emma briefly, but nods.  
"Yeah, bug, I'm staying,"

Squealing again, Amy wriggles in Sarah's arms, and since Chuck's set his bag down now she passes the little girl over. Amy goes calm, gentle, and Sarah smiles, thankful that her daughter's remembered to not be too enthusiastic with their neighbor.

"Do you guys want coffee?" Emma asks, and Sarah nods gratefully.

"Yeah, that'd be great. I'll, um, I'll come help you." She knows her mother will have questions, after all, and it's easier to get those out of the way now rather than later.

Sure enough, once they're in the kitchen, away from Chuck and Amy, her mother turns to her.  
"How was DC?" she asks, while Sarah reaches for some mugs. "Did you talk to him?"

"I did. He apologized, and told me it won't happen again." She refrains from saying much about Langston Graham and his attempts at justifying his actions, and letting Caria get so close. As much as Sarah loves and trusts her mother, she knows the older woman struggles a little with the spy side of her daughter's life, even if she's technically been out of it for years. Sarah even thinks there's a part of Emma that blames herself for letting Sarah be recruited in the first place, even if, at the time, it seemed better than the alternative. So while Sarah did explain the Caria situation, when she'd dropped Amy off here days ago, and she'd roughly explained what happened to Chuck and why she had to run to DC so abruptly, she didn't go into too many details, and Emma didn't ask. The woman has enough disdain for Graham as it is after him recruiting a child, her child, for the cause, let alone his failings to keep them all safe. Sarah's a little worried that if she told her mother the whole truth she'd have marched to DC herself and roughed the Director up a little.

Now, Emma nods.  
"Are you okay?" she asks, and Sarah raises an eyebrow. Her mother just shrugs. "Going back there, having to be who you used to be, that could be tough."

"It was, for a while," she admits. It had been strange, almost alien, storming into headquarters like that, head to toe in weapons. "But I just wanted to get back here, to Ames, I just wanted it to be over. And then once I got into my apartment and Chuck came over it was like I hadn't gone at all."

"Mhm, you and Chuck," Emma says knowingly. "You didn't say, on the phone…"

She doesn't have to clarify. Sarah darts her eyes away, but nods slowly.  
"We're together, properly. We're starting new, with both of us on the same page, finally. That's why I wanted him to come here, to meet you. And so he could see Ames. I explained everything, and he understands why I left, but we were talking... She's basically his daughter, and I took her away to come here without even thinking."

"It was a tough thing, but I know you had to go to DC, and I'm sure he does, too." Emma steps closer, rubs her arm reassuringly. "But I'm happy for you, honey. He seems great, and with Amy, too."

"He is great. I..." It's somehow tougher to say to her mom than to Chuck, but she musters up the courage. "I love him."

Emma smiles, soft, eyes a little shiny, and rises up to hug her, warm and reassuring just like she always is.  
"I'm so happy for you. God knows you deserve it, someone like him in your life,"

She laughs softly, hugging her mom closer. She resists the urge to say that Chuck is better than she deserves. Because, for all her faults, her recent actions and her knack for almost screwing things up time and again, she also knows Chuck is perfect for her. And she's not going to say she doesn't deserve someone like him.  
"He's amazing. And he loves me, and he loves Amy," She shakes her head.

From just last week, feeling so desperately empty and angry as Chuck lay in a hospital bed, Sarah thinking they could never be together, berating herself over her foolishness at letting someone in and where that led, to now, loved and loving and feeling so whole, she feels an entirely different person. A better person. And overall, just a _happier_ person.

Pulling back, she clears her throat, nods at her mom, and Emma grins.  
"Go back in there to them, I can make the coffee,"

"You sure?"

She nods, even shoving Sarah gently toward the door, and hands raised in surrender, she steps out, grinning back at her mom before heading back around to the living room. There, she finds Chuck and Amy sitting on the couch, the little girl cuddled into his side, rambling away. She pauses just before reaching them, drinks them in. The two people she loves most. She can hardly believe they're here.

Chuck must hear her, for he looks over, grins all soft and warm.  
"Hey," he murmurs, and she moves toward them.

"Hey," She sits by Amy's other side, running a hand through her head of curls as she leans into them both. Chuck stretches out his arm, brushes his knuckles over her cheek, and she feels her eyelids flutter despite herself. God, she loves him. Clearing her throat, she turns to Amy. "So, what were you two talking about?"

"Well, the bug here was just telling me about what she and her grandma have been doing the past couple days,"

Sarah grins, cuddles into her daughter and tickles her neck briefly.  
"Oh really? And what's that?"

"Everything! We went to the movies, and the park, and Grandma and me made dinner last night. We had pizzas!"

She chuckles softly.  
"Did you toss the dough?" she asks, figuring they might've done that if they made pizzas from scratch, but Amy just frowns.

"Why'd I do that?"

Chuck laughs kindly, tickles Amy's side a moment.  
"It's what you do sometimes with pizza dough, Ames, you can throw it up and spin it and it stretches out easier."

"Oh. We rolled it." she says plainly, miming using a rolling pin, and Sarah laughs.

"That works too, baby, it's fine,"

"Can we make pizzas and…" She tilts her head. "…toss the dough, at home?"

"Sure," Sarah says, sparing a thought for her apartment's ceiling. Hearing footsteps behind her, she turns and sees Emma coming in, carrying a tray with four mugs. She smiles at the three of them, setting the tray down and handing Amy her hot chocolate while they get their coffee. And then she takes a seat on the armchair, turns to Chuck.

"So, Chuck, what do you do? Sarah's told me a lot of things about you, but not really that,"

And as he laughs a little and explains his software, the deal going through this very month, Sarah's content to sip her coffee, feel the warmth of her daughter cuddling into her side, and watch the man she loves chat to her mom.

It's the most normal thing she's ever felt. She lets it wash over her, easy, happy, and perfect.

* * *

 **a/n 2:** And, scene. Whew, that was a long one, that word count just kept going up and up in my edits, lol. There was so much for them to address and talk about, and so much growth to do in just a few scenes, but hopefully, the way I took them was satisfying enough for you guys. One to go! I won't call it an epilogue because I always feel that suggests it's somehow separate from the story, and I don't consider this that. But it does sum things up nicely, I hope. See y'all in a few days for Chapter 26, 'The Joy'. Alternate title: 'The Sappily Ever After'.

-Kiera :)


	26. The Joy

**summary:** Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they find a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.

 **a/n:** Here we go. Final chapter, y'all. I'll ramble more at the end of this chapter, as ever, no surprise there, but I will say, I wrote everything up to this chapter all within the month of January, this year. And I finished Chapter 25, and my brain just went, nope. Not one idea. Not one clue how to round off this world I'd created. I got completely stuck on everything, posted Fall With You instead, didn't write anything original for months, until April, when I wrote my soulmate story, then what became Great Possibility, and finally, with that, I got ideas for this final chapter. I think my brain, muse, whatever, just didn't want to let it go, and when it did, this is all it would give me. I know some of you have said you want multiple chapters of these guys all being together, and honestly, I want that too, but that just did not want to happen. I hope, though, that what I did come up with is enough to reassure you of the path these guys will take. I've really come to love this world, and the characters of it, and especially Amy. When starting, I never expected this story to be so long and cover so much, and I've enjoyed talking with you, sharing this world, and watching you all react to every little thing I've thrown these guys' way. I just hope you enjoy this final chapter. I think it's pretty adorable; I even maybe fudged a few things for maximum cuteness. And I hope you find it a worthy ending to this tale. See you on the other side.

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Chuck, fluffy rugs, confetti, or roars.

* * *

 **The Joy**

There's something wonderful about waking up in his arms. Something familiar, like warmth and love and home. And the mornings she doesn't get to do that, the mornings when he's stayed at his place the night before, the mornings after evenings he's just left because they're still acting like they need some kind of boundary in their lives, she feels strangely cold, and sad, even if they've only been together two months. And the fact is, they don't need that boundary, not anymore. When they first started dating, and they weren't sure how they'd work together or how Amy would react, they'd decided to keep some rules, some arrangement that meant Chuck wouldn't just be staying over every night, to ease everyone into things.

But now, Amy's adjusted to him being here a lot more. Amy's gotten used to it being the three of them, not just the two of them anymore. And Sarah knows her own relationship with Chuck is stronger than it's ever been, and just gets stronger the more time she spends with him.  
Chuck doesn't need to keep going away, anymore.

And so, when he's making to leave after dinner one night, after tucking Amy into bed, Sarah tugs on his arm, stops him.

"Hey," she murmurs, before he can reach for the door.

He turns to her, raises an eyebrow.  
"Yeah?"

"I, um, I have a question for you. A proposition,"

"Ooh," He giggles cutely, slips his arms around her waist and pulls her closer. Like always, now, she just falls into him with ease. "Okay, shoot."

She knows this should maybe be a bigger deal, a grander gesture, much like she'd felt when she'd first given him his key, but it's the two of them. She knows neither of them need big things. They just need each other, and Amy. So she just tilts her head as she eyes him, smiles a little.  
"Move in with us,"

He blinks, then tenses in her arms and blinks a couple times more.  
"I- Wait, I'm just checking," He pauses, somewhat dazed look in his eyes. "You're asking me to move in with you?"

"Yeah," she says, trying to stop a grin from spreading on her lips, just in case he says no, but it's a struggle. Especially when an adorable, soft, disbelieving grin of his own appears on Chuck's face, and she knows him saying no was never a possibility.

"Are you kidding me? Sarah, yes, _yes_." Leaning in, he kisses her soundly, sweetly, and she sighs against him when he pulls away, only to cup her cheeks. "I'd love that."

She lets the grin through, feeling warmth spreading through her from the sheer happiness and love in his eyes.  
"I'd love it, too," It's quite the understatement, honestly. But she slips her arms around his waist and leans into him. "I just don't like it when you have to leave. And you know Amy loves it when you're here, and she loves her mornings with you."

"Well, why d'you think I keep making up excuses to stay?" he asks, with a giggle, nudging her nose with his own and making her giggle too. But when his gaze softens, all warm, loving, she sobers.

"Stay," she breathes, tugging him close. "Stay, tonight."

When he kisses her, she's glad he'll never have to leave again.

They move his things into her and Amy's place a week later. His software has taken off, pretty well, in fact, and a little voice in the back of Sarah's head points out, they could find a new place, brand new, to fit the three of them. But that's a pretty big jump for what is still, in its simplest form, a two-month relationship. Really she's loved him for over a year now, and he's loved her just as long, but they're still learning things about each other, every day, and with Amy being there, too, rushing things just isn't an option. And frankly, it's easier and less disruptive to just shuffle his stuff across the hall, from his apartment to theirs, which is how they end up with a Tron poster hanging by the TV, a lot more video games on their shelves, and a record player set up in the hall. The machine fascinates Amy when Chuck demonstrates it to her the first night, and she watches with wide eyes as the record spins and the needle lowers and suddenly, a tune begins. Since none of her favorite music is vinyl, or if it is Chuck doesn't have it, they have a dance party to some Huey Lewis tunes until Amy crashes in her bed, exhausted and elated that her favorite person lives with them now.

And later that night, Chuck moves to the record player again.

"What are you planning?" Sarah finds herself asking, suspicious, though she stays on the couch, holding her wine. It's a little strange to go through the kind of evening they always used to, the two of them curled up in the living room with drinks in hand, but now, the best part is he never has to leave afterward again. Now, she isn't lying to him, isn't hiding her feelings at all. She's completely in love with him, and this life, and he knows it.

"You'll see," Chuck says, with a grin, hiding a record from her view while he slips it out of its sleeve and sets it up. As he's heading back her way, the soft start of Nina Simone begins to play, warming through the walls, spreading through their home, and she can't help but smile. He sits by her side, arm outstretched on the back of the couch, his own wine in hand. When the brass joins in, she slips closer to him, rests her head on his shoulder.

"I love you, Chuck,"

Warmth washes over her when he kisses her forehead, and she looks up at him, finding him watching her, nothing but love and affection in his gaze.  
"I love you, too," he murmurs, and leans in to kiss her. As she kisses him back, she loses herself, in him, in this home. _Their_ home, after all this time.

* * *

She gets back one evening, after a long day at work, ready to collapse onto the couch with her daughter and her boyfriend and happily lose herself in a movie with the people she loves most. It's Friday night, movie night, and she's been looking forward to it all day. Work has been getting busier, with more people taking time off for the holidays, and Sarah was a little rushed with only two other team members today. Tomorrow's the 23rd, though, and she's not working that day, and then the firm closes and she's off until New Year's. As of today, she's free until next year. It feels all too good to say.

Thankfully, she can take these later, longer shifts, if Chuck's not working, rather than needing a hard out by the end of Amy's day. Before, she didn't like to leave her daughter at daycare later than normal if it wasn't necessary, and now her little girl is at pre-K with much more regular hours, Sarah knows she would've had to get out of work on time every day to go pick her up. But not with Chuck, now. His hours at his company are pretty flexible anyway, but he's usually finished before Amy is, and if Sarah wants to work later, he always gets the time free to go pick up the little girl. Rather than Sarah having to run off to get her, he can spend the time with her. He can keep her occupied, he can watch TV with her, he can get dinner started rather than it needing to wait until Sarah's home. Sometimes, she doesn't know how she lived without him. She's all the better for it now, and not just because he's there to help out with things like this. No, as she's often thought, he's more than just an extra pair of hands, more than just a helpful presence.

She loves him more than she ever thought possible. And day by day, she falls even more. When he makes her laugh. When he comforts Amy, kisses her scraped knees- literally, she'd tripped up at the park the other week when he'd taken her for an outing. When he does something nerdy, unabashed about it. When Amy falls asleep in his lap. When he holds Sarah tight in their bed, the biggest comfort she's known. When, sometimes, he wakes in the middle of the night, and whispers he loves her, though he thinks she's not even listening. Sometimes, she does the same.

And so, anxious to get back to them, she heads down the hall quickly, smiling as she reaches their apartment. She frowns, though, when she sees something taped to the door as she approaches. Slowing, she stops right in front of it, and reads what she now realizes is a note.

'If you're Mommy, please knock.', it says, and she chuckles. It's Chuck's writing, but clearly Amy's sentiment. She grins to herself- just what is her little girl doing now?

She follows the instructions, knocks a couple times.  
"It's me," she says, for good measure, and she hears hushed voices and giggling behind the door. She narrows her eyes. Something's up, for sure. Her family are planning something.

The door opens, and on the other side stands Amy, grinning mischievously and rocking on her heels. She's in one of her nice formal dresses, Sarah notes, which are usually just reserved for special occasions, but she knows how prone to whims the little girl is so she doesn't mention it, just grins back at her daughter.

"Mommy!" Amy greets, excited as usual. However, her welcome comes without her customary tackle hug, and Sarah blinks. And then, she looks behind her daughter, and gapes.

Sheets are strung up from the ceiling, hiding the apartment behind just the entranceway from her view. She can see a shadow behind- Chuck-, and lights, and she hears quiet music playing. This is certainly something. But, she can't very well find out what it is if she just stays in the doorway.

"Hey, baby," she says, smiling a little, if confusedly. Amy doesn't move, though, and Sarah raises an eyebrow. "Can I come in? Have you guys been playing...?" She trails off, since she can't work out what this could be. It's too neat and organized to be a fort, and the music isn't Amy's style. It's more Sarah's, really.

Amy just giggles, refusing to spill.  
"You hafta take off your shoes and your coat, then come with me."

Sending her daughter a deliberately suspicious look at the very specific instructions, Sarah complies, speaking as she does.  
"What are you up to? I could tickle it out of you, Ames,"

"It's a secret!" Amy squeals, and Sarah thinks she hears a muffled laugh from behind the sheets. She doesn't press the topic, though, and tosses her coat and bag aside with her shoes, just leaving them on the floor since she can't even get to their coat hooks. Then, Amy finally steps back and lets her mother get into the apartment enough to close the door behind her.

"Okay, what now?" Sarah says, playing along, and Amy nods, reaches out a hand.

"C'mon."

Slipping her fingers into Amy's, Sarah watches as Amy pushes aside a sheet, making a slight door, behind which... is another sheet, strung up. The effect is rather anticlimactic. She lets herself be led through the gap, though, and then Amy pushes aside that next sheet, thankfully the only remaining one, and Sarah finally sees what's become of their living room. She can't help but gasp as she takes it all in.

The furniture has been completely swept aside- where, she doesn't know, but she thinks it must be behind the sheet at the side of the room which is blocking off the kitchen from view. Instead of their couch and chairs and coffee table, then, the floor is lined with a big fluffy white rug, and lots of cream-colored pillows. Chuck is sitting on the rug, grinning up at her. There's a blanket set out, too, with various plates and boxes on it, and warm fairy lights are woven around the floor, lining this little sanctuary.  
It's beautiful. And, as Amy rushes forward and tackles Chuck, who hugs her back and laughs softly into her hair, Sarah can't help but think, it's not the only thing that's beautiful.

"Wow. You guys have been busy today, huh?" she asks, not quite sure what's happening, or what to do.

Chuck shrugs, eyes alight.  
"With good reason." He whispers something to Amy, something Sarah can't catch, and the four-year-old stands again, nods. She walks to a space of the rug, right next to Chuck, and pats it a couple times.

"You gotta sit down." she says, sagely, then moves back and flops down next to Chuck. With a smirk, Sarah follows her daughter's instruction. She sends a look to Chuck, eyebrow raised, but he just grins again, that warm and lit look still in his eyes.

"Hi," she murmurs, and his gaze softens, warms.

"Hi- Hi." With that, he leans in, kisses her, and she sighs happily against his mouth as his lips press to hers. It's warm, deep, more than they usually exchange in front of Amy, but the little girl doesn't make a grossed-out noise, doesn't object. She just stays quiet. When Sarah pulls back, Chuck laughs softly against her lips. "I think I needed that."  
He sounds a little nervous, worried, and she frowns a little.

"Why?"

He looks to Amy, nods.  
"Bug," he prompts, and Amy grins.

"Mommy, Chuck wants to ask you something. Don't freak out."  
And, with that, she picks up a box Sarah hadn't noticed before, and hands it to Chuck. And Sarah freezes.

It's a little deep red ring box. And suddenly, she thinks she knows what's happening here.

They'd talked about it. Talked about moving forward, on, a few times, in fact. But somehow it's still a surprise right now. The most wonderful, heart-racing, beautiful surprise.

She turns to Chuck, eyes wide, and he just grins, crinkling his nose a little.

"Don't freak out," he repeats, and her heart somehow tugs and skips a beat at the same time. Something flips in her stomach, flutters, and she realizes that, for the first time in her life, she has butterflies. Nervous, excited, relentless butterflies. But Chuck just reaches out a hand, laces his fingers through hers, while his other still holds that little box, and suddenly, she calms. He's always calmed her. "Sarah, I love you. I love you, and Amy, more than anything. And for the longest time, I've known, I wanna spend the rest of my life with you, with both of you. I know that it's the two of you, you come with Amy, Amy comes with you, I get that."

Of course he gets that, of course he does. That's why he'd gotten Amy involved in this. That's why he'd had her meet her at the door. That's why she'd handed him the box. He's included her in this, every step of the way, planned this, with her. It's the sweetest thing Sarah thinks anyone's ever done. He smiles, and she feels herself melt even more as he keeps going.

"I wanna have... every kind of adventure, with you two. I wanna go places, and- and learn things, with you both, I wanna watch as Amy grows up. But I also just, want the super mundane things, too. I just wanna hang out. I wanna… go on grocery runs. Take Ames to school. I want movie nights every Friday for as long as we can. I just wanna be with you. Doing anything, being anywhere. I've said it before, but you two are the greatest things that have ever happened to me." He shakes his head, voice a little trembly, and Sarah wonders if it's possible to faint with sheer love for someone. "So you've got me, for the rest of my life, if you want me. I promise, to- to be here, always. I promise that you two will always be first. I promise to love you, every single day."

She bites her lip, eyes welling with tears, and she doesn't wanna cry, dammit, but she looks at Amy, briefly, seeing her little girl watching them both, grinning proudly, warmly, and god, Sarah's known she wants Chuck here with them both forever for so long now, so stupidly long. And she loves him so much, and she loves Amy so much, and she can't really believe this is happening, right now.

She sniffs, swallows, and Chuck smiles crookedly. His fingers squeeze hers before he pulls back to snap open the box.  
She barely even looks at the ring. She can't take her eyes off the man in front of her.

"So... Sarah Walker, will you marry me?"

She grins, vision blurring, the twinkle lights changing and shining in her gaze. It's the easiest question she's ever been asked.  
"Yes," she says, and when she blinks the tears away, she sees Chuck, grinning, eyes teary too.

"Chuck, she said yes!" Amy squeals, tugging on Chuck's sleeve, and they both chuckle, looking down at her. She grins, giggles, and Chuck nods rapidly.

"Yeah, bug, she did," he says, and in one swift move he tugs the ring out of the box, slides it onto Sarah's finger, and leans in and kisses her. Amy tackles them both in a giggling hug the moment their mouths meet, and Sarah laughs against Chuck's lips while he smiles against hers. She reaches out, slips an arm around Amy, brings her in as they pull apart.

They've been a family for so long now. And yet, with the three of them, curled up on the floor in their little sanctuary, it suddenly feels real, to Sarah. This is really her life, now. These gifts, are her life.

And eventually, Chuck pops champagne and juice from the box by his side, pulls out a bowl of popcorn, and slings one of the sheets around the back of the TV stand so they can see the screen. And they have Friday night movie night, on the floor, cuddled up, in love, Amy in both of their laps. Nothing has ever felt so perfect.

* * *

"Hey, bug, can I talk to you about something?" she says, and Amy looks over at her from the couch, blinking curiously.

"Yeah," she says lightly. Even if she'd said no Sarah was going to ask her anyway, but this is a big thing to ask, and she usually likes to ask Amy to talk before big things so that the little girl grasps their importance. Sarah nods her head toward her and Chuck's room, and Amy hops up from her seat, wanders through.

Chuck's out, today, working with his company on new tech, having gone back to work right after New Year's, of his own choice. His software is selling well, very well, and he's getting started on fixes and updates before he begins work on his next program, which Sarah thinks will likely be just as successful. Though she knows Chuck was hardly in all of this for the money, she also knows they'll be able to buy a house, a pretty big house, once they get married, whenever that'll be. It's all so new, still, the ring on her finger still the most wonderful surprise and reminder every time she sees it. She's going to marry the love of her life.

But she wants just one more thing.

She pats the bed, lets Amy clamber up onto it, while she rummages in the drawer of her nightstand. She'd deliberately put the papers a little ways down in the space, just in case Chuck was cleaning up and putting her hair ties away. Again. He never seems to realize she'll just take one right out again and likely leave it around when she's done with it. But she's been hiding the papers while debating whether to ask him first, or Amy. She's discussed it vaguely with him, and she knows it's something he'd like to do, probably after they get married and get the wedding out of the way first. But she doesn't think this should wait that long, if they don't want it to. And she senses, when she asks Amy, the little girl definitely won't want to wait.  
She finds the forms eventually, under old loose photographs and ticket stubs and lingering Christmas cards, and tugs them out before she sits down opposite Amy.

"Ames, you know how Chuck and I are gonna get married?"

"Mmhm!" Amy says, nodding, still pleased with the part she'd played in the proposal.

"Well, that means Chuck's gonna be my husband." Amy nods like she understands, and Sarah doesn't know if she does, if she just gets it because someone said that word in a movie or tv show once, or if she's just bluffing, but she keeps going. Amy had understood the idea of the proposal well enough, of course, and Chuck had explained things to her then, so repeating it all probably isn't necessary. "When people get married that means they can share everything a lot easier, like a house, or an object. When Chuck and I were just friends, we couldn't really share things as easy as we can we get married."

"Okay." Amy nods, still upbeat, though clearly lost, and Sarah smiles, pokes the four-year-old in the arm.

"I've been thinking, when we get married, Chuck and I will have a lot of things we can share. Including you."

Amy blinks.  
"Me?"

Sarah puts the papers in Amy's lap, turns them round. The little girl probably can't read any of it, but she hopes it makes things clearer.  
"Ames, would you like Chuck to become your daddy? For real?"

Amy gasps, gapes.  
"Can that happen?!" she asks, sounding completely awed by just the idea.

Sarah chuckles softly, strokes her daughter's cheek, forever moved by her sweetness.  
"Yeah, baby, it can. I know Chuck's already like a Dad to you in a lot of ways, he loves you, he lives here with us, but if he adopted you, he could become your Dad, properly, and I'll still be your Mom." She smiles. "Would you want that?"

"Yes! Yes, yes yes-" She cuts off as she throws herself at her mother, and Sarah has to chuckle as she holds Amy close.

"Okay, okay," she says through a laugh, cuddling her daughter into her. "Why don't you ask Chuck when he gets home tonight, yeah? Like when he asked me to marry him?"

Amy giggles, nodding.  
"I'll get a daddy,"

Sarah smiles, a little sadly, squeezes Amy.  
"Well, you always had a daddy, Ames, remember? You just never got to meet him." Amy nods, hums against her. "But Chuck loves you. And he's already like your Dad, to you,"

"I know," she says plainly, like it just makes sense to her. It does. "I love Chuck."

With tears suddenly springing in her eyes, burning her gaze, Sarah just nods, and holds Amy closer.

When Chuck gets home just after 5, Amy's already happily sat on the couch, papers in hand. She squeals at the sound of his keys rattling outside, but Sarah raises a finger to her lips.

"Wait, baby, remember?" Amy nods, remembering the plan they've spent all afternoon going through, and Sarah moves to the door, pulling it open and smiling at Chuck on the other side. He blinks for a moment and looks down at the keys still in his hand, before he shrugs and pulls her in for a kiss. It's just brief, but it makes her heart race like all his kisses do, before he pulls back. "Hi,"

"Hey," he says, grinning. "I missed you."

"I missed you too," She steps back, opens the door a little more. "But, come in. Amy has a question for you."

He narrows his eyes curiously, steps in and toes off his shoes, then looks across at Amy, impressively still on the couch. It's as planned, but Sarah knows her daughter rarely manages to stick to any of their plans. It's almost a testament to how much she wants this, Sarah thinks, that she's staying right where she's supposed to be.

"Hiya, bug!" Chuck says, stepping up toward her, and Sarah just watches, oh so heartwarmed already. He deserves this. Amy deserves this. This is what's right. He'd all but be doing this when they get married, anyway, but this just makes it that one step more. And she has no worries about this, about doing it so quickly, about the kind of father Chuck will be. He's already that to Amy, anyway. "Whatcha got there?" He points to the papers, and Amy giggles, kicking her feet, holding the papers to her chest with her arms folded over them, like she doesn't want to drop them.

"Stuff." she says decidedly, nodding. Chuck snorts, kneels down on the floor in front of her, warm warm smile on his lips. He reaches out, taps her on her knees.

"Your mom said you had a question for me?"

"Mmhm!" As she speaks, Sarah sits on the arm of the couch, folds her arms to calm herself a little. She can't stop smiling. "Chuck..."

"Yeah?"

Amy thrusts the papers in his face.  
"Will you be my daddy?"

Chuck pauses, eyebrow raised.  
"What's...?" he asks, sounding a little stunned, as he reaches out, takes the papers. Sarah watches, a bundle of sudden waiting nerves, as he turns the sheets, scans his eyes over the words. He looks across to her, eyes wide and brimming with a million emotions, and she just smiles at him softly before he looks back at Amy. "Adoption papers? Amy, you want me to adopt you?"

"Yeah," she says, smiling almost a little shyly, swaying her feet.

Chuck just gapes, blinks.  
"Okay." He clears his throat, nods. Though she'd never even dreamed he'd say anything else, the word, so simple, choked, makes Sarah's stomach flip, her heart soar. "Yes, yes bug. God, of course."

"Yeah?" Amy asks, smile getting wider, more hopeful, more excited.

He grins suddenly, radiant, and then he looks at Sarah again and she swears she'll remember the look on his face, the joy, the love, for the rest of her ife.  
"Yeah!"

Amy grins, squeals, and launches herself forward, throwing her arms around Chuck's neck and hugging him tight.  
"Yay!" She giggles and wriggles happily in his arms, and he laughs softly, sniffs suspiciously, pulling her in and kissing her cheek.

"I love you, Amy," he murmurs, and Amy sighs loudly.

"I love you too,"

And with that, Sarah lets the tears that have been clouding her gaze fall, running down her cheeks. Chuck turns his head, catches her eye, then smiles.  
"C'mere," he says, reaching out an arm, and she falls into them both willingly, arms around her whole world.

* * *

"I've said it before, but I still think your sister is an actual gift," she murmurs, exhausted, as she flops face-down onto the mattress. Chuck joins her, falling onto his back, groaning as the bed bounces beneath them.

"I've often thought it, yeah," he agrees, and she smirks.

Rolling over onto her side, she rests her elbow on her pillow and props her head up on her hand.  
"We should get her some chocolates or wine or something,"

He chuckles.  
"Baby, Ellie's family, you don't need to get gifts for family just for them doing favors."

"Exactly—she's family who looked after Amy all day while we," She pokes him in the chest, then keeps making her point. "Got very delayed doing wedding planning. That's more than just a favor, it was a full day. I know Amy wanted to come with us, so she'd have been annoyed and cranky about that at first, and she'd also have been excited Ellie was here, too. We both know that's a deadly combination. And we were supposed to be a couple of hours and we ended up missing dinner and getting here after bedtime, which Amy would have been mad about, and Ellie wouldn't have been expecting. She even gave her a bath before bed! We're getting her chocolates."

Slipping his arms around her, he chuckles again, presses a kiss into her neck after her summation of what the four-year-old probably put the doctor through. Ellie is family, sure, but she's also newer family, who hasn't had the chance to get to know Amy for as long as Chuck has. It's only when they started dating, and Sarah told Ellie and Devon everything about her past, truly opened up to them, that Sarah and Amy have really begun spending time with Chuck's sister and her boyfriend. Where before they were all just friends of a sort, now, they visit often for dinner at Ellie's place, they hang out, Amy is very happy to be gaining an aunt and an uncle, and also, now, Ellie babysits for the day. Sarah hadn't wanted her first time watching Amy to be as crazy and long as it turned out to be for the doctor, today, and though she knows Ellie won't have minded, she also knows she's thrown her future sister-in-law in at the deep end.

"Okay, okay, we'll get her something." Chuck says, reassuring. He squeezes her tight, briefly, before sighing, long and happily. "We found our venue, though,"

She pulls back to look up at him, grins a little.  
"We did."

It was their fourth location of the day. It's a beautiful church, picturesque, pretty, and the moment they'd stepped inside, Sarah knows, she and Chuck just _felt_ it. They decided to book it almost in seconds, hence why today took a lot longer than planned, since they'd only expected to look for somewhere, not find it and choose it. But they found it, and they'll have the reception in Ellie's apartment courtyard, the perfect place for that. And they don't even have to wait that long.

"Hey, um, I've been thinking," he murmurs, and she pulls away from him enough to push herself up to sit. Chuck stays lying down, but reaches up and folds his arms under his head.

"Mmhm?"

"Well, after the wedding, maybe we could move someplace else. I love this place, and I love being here, but we both know it's a little… crowded, with all my stuff and your stuff. And Ames seems to gain like five toys a day," She snorts at that, and he grins too. It fades, though, and he tilts his head, a question entering his gaze. "And..."

"And...?" She dances her hand up his chest, knowing what he's thinking, but waiting for him to be the one to say it.

"And, maybe we could... plan, for a little more space, wherever we end up." he says, slow, words deliberate. He pauses, as if he's waiting for her to say something, but she just keeps her expression neutral, smiling softly at him, and he keeps going. "Maybe it won't always just be the three of us."

She grins, presses a kiss to his cheek. They haven't really talked about having more children, Amy's enough to handle most days. But it could happen, even unplanned—that's how Amy came about, after all. Sarah had always thought that she'd like to be settled and happy if she had another child, do things a little differently to with Amy. Right now, she's settled and happy. She loves Chuck. They're going to get married, and, as she's just learnt, they're eventually going to move in together someplace new. Another child wouldn't be a crazy possibility, at some point in their future.

"Yeah, more space sounds like a good idea."

"Yeah?" he asks, and she nods deliberately. He grins, wide and beaming, then clears his throat. "Okay. Okay. So, uh, I wanted to know what kinda place you'd wanna live in? Where should we go? I mean, the software's going well, we have some options..."

"I'm not sure," she says, gnawing on her lip. He shifts up to a sitting position, looks at her decidedly. She can see, there's an idea in his head.

"Sarah, what's your dream home? Forget just a place for us, if you could live anywhere, in anything, what would it be?" She blinks at the slight change of topic. She knows exactly what that is, but she'd never thought it a viable option, for her, for life. Honestly, it's always seemed kind of silly. It's always felt like a dream of her younger self that she's never quite been able to leave behind, where every other fantasy has fled. And she's not sure how best to explain it to Chuck. He must take her silence to mean she doesn't know, for he shrugs and continues. "Are—are you a balcony looking over the sea kinda girl? Toes in the sand? Cabin in the woods?"

She snorts at his suggestions, swatting him on the arm, even as she still wonders how to explain it to him. Suddenly, though, a vague memory springs up in her mind, and she launches up from the bed and heads over to their closet. Pulling out a shoebox, she rummages through it, passing all the old birthday cards of Amy's, leftover gift wrap, until she finds it. Her life was so different, back then, when she'd received this. The idyllic scene had seemed so stupid at that time, something she'd never get. Now, it's within her grasp.

She heads back to Chuck, hands him the card. He arches an eyebrow as he takes it, looking at the four little bunnies in front of the cottage.  
"My mom sent me this, when Ames and I moved here."

"So, you like this kinda house?"

She grins as she sits back down by his side.  
"Yeah, a little. I-I mean I'd always wanted a red door, and you'd have to change the roof so it wouldn't be flammable..." He snorts a little at that, looking back down at the straw cottage roof on the cartoon. "But that's always what I thought the perfect home for the perfect family would be. A little house, with flowers outside, a white picket fence… I learnt otherwise, of course."

A home can be a slightly cramped apartment with the love of your life and your daughter inside.

"But..."

"But it's still been my dream home, all this time." He smiles at her softly, and she sighs, twists her lip a little. "It's stupid, I know, I-"

"No, no, baby, it's not," he says suddenly, tugging her closer and kissing her. "It's perfect."

"Really?"

"Yeah," He nods, and she smiles up at him. He tucks some hair behind her ear, brushes his knuckles over her cheek. "I'm gonna find you that home, Sarah, for you and me and Amy. I promise."

He sounds so sure, so certain, and so so loving, that she can't help but lean in, filled with love for this man before her. This man she's going to marry, this man who, soon, will officially be her daughter's father. And so she moves closer and kisses him, softly, slowly. Eventually, the card falls to the floor, forgotten for a long long time.

* * *

The wedding is perfect. Amy wanders down the aisle as flower girl, guided by her awesome uncle, loving her role and throwing petals and confetti literally everywhere, including directly into the faces of some of the guests. She's too adorable for anyone to mind, at all. Ellie gives a beautiful reading that makes them all tear up, including herself. Morgan makes a Star Trek joke in his declaration and barely makes it through the end for emotions, so much that Sarah just cuts him off and says that yes, she very much does take Chuck to be her husband.

And she, Sarah, who once found it so easy to hide her emotions, and so impossibly difficult to open up, share her feelings, she tells a room full of their closest family and friends that Chuck is a gift she never dreamed she could want or need. Chuck makes her cry when he realizes his planned vows could never sum up his feelings for her. His dreams for their future, and for Amy, their little superhero. So he just goes off-script and beautifully promises to prove his love to her, and to Amy, every day.

And, once the ceremony's done, they head to court, Chuck still in his tux and Sarah still in her wedding dress. They stand in court as the judge, smiling kindly, declares that Amy is officially a Bartowski, officially Chuck's daughter, and when they go back to the reception, Sarah thinks she's never felt so much love before.  
Chuck is hers, and she is Chuck's, and Amy is theirs, _both_ of theirs. Forever.

The only thing wrong in the whole day, though, is that her dress felt a little too tight. It's something she's felt only once before.

And so, one morning on their honeymoon when Chuck's sleeping in late (the result of a very late night), she slips out onto the Parisian streets, heads into a Pharmacie, and buys a pregnancy test, before heading right back to him.

He's still asleep when she walks back into the room, the sheets still pooled around his waist, his face down in his pillow. At just the sight of him, and the thought of what might be about to happen, she feels butterflies stir inside her again. For the second time in her life.

"Chuck," she says, reaching out and shaking his shoulder gently. He shifts on the pillow, peels open an eye groggily. His face melts into a smile, though, when he evidently sees her, and he rolls over onto his back.

"Well, good morning Mrs Bartowski," he murmurs, voice rough, and she leans in, ruffles his puffy sleepy hair. He grins at her, stealing a kiss, before he pulls back. "You're dressed, why are you dressed?"

Before she can even try to answer, his lips are on hers again, and his arm slips round her waist, squeezing her hip. His other hand finds the little buttons on her shirt, and he immediately starts making it so she isn't dressed, anymore. She gives up on trying to move, drops the bag from the drugstore to the floor, and promptly loses herself to her husband.

They eventually make it out of bed to order lunch from room service, and she finally works up the courage to tell him her thoughts as she's eating her baguette.  
"I have to tell you something," she starts.

He grins, takes a huge bite of his own sandwich as he looks up at her.  
"Yeah?" he mumbles through the food, and she smirks. The butterflies come back, though, and she sobers a little. She'd never had to do this, before. The only person that she'd told when she was pregnant with Amy who had felt like anything of a big deal was her mom, but that was as Sarah was still shaken from learning about Mark, that wasn't in elation so much as sadness, and that definitely didn't feel as nerve-racking yet ridiculously exciting as this does, right now. And she doesn't want to keep putting this off.

"I... I think I might be pregnant."

Before her, Chuck chokes on his sandwich, and she winces. Yeah, she supposes her timing could've been better. Chuckling softly, she slips around to his side of the table, sits on his lap as she pats his back a couple times. He finally swallows his bite, looks at her in shock.  
"You... you what?"

She smiles, tilts her head.  
"I felt a little nauseous, waking up for the wedding. It felt similar to how it did with Amy, but I thought it was just nerves. But I've felt it the past few days, too. And then my wedding dress was a little tight..."

His eyes widen, arms coming around her hips.  
"Have- have you...?" he trails off, and she shakes her head.

"I went out and bought a test this morning, but I haven't taken it yet." He nods, and she sees him processing it all before she eyes him again. "Will you wait with me?"

"Of course," he says, like it's the most obvious thing in the world, and she kisses him, soft and slow and warm, before climbing off his lap and getting the test from where it still lies in the Pharmacie's plastic bag, on the floor by the bed. She looks back over at him before she heads into the bathroom, and he smiles, nose crinkling, eyes dancing. And she suddenly wishes more than anything that this test is positive.

She sets it on the sink when she's done, then opens the bathroom door, finding Chuck waiting right outside. He looks at her softly—not nervously, not worriedly, not even overly excited or hopefully. Just, soft. And she just slips her hand into his, and moves him toward the fancy bath tub, sitting on the edge of it and pulling him down next to her.

"I, um, I know we haven't really talked about... this, much," she says, after a few beats of silence. Because they'll need to talk about this anyway and she might as well fill this time with it. "We'd been so focused with the house and the wedding, and Ames. But- but Chuck, would you...?"

He blinks, eyebrows raising when he realizes what she's asking.  
"Would I want another kid?"

"Yeah."

He gapes.  
"Sarah, god, of course!" he says, and she tries not to gape. She'd expected, hoped, for a yes, but such enthusiasm is a little more surprising. And then, she thinks, it's actually not. It's Chuck, after all. "I-I mean, we've got Amy, and I know another child would be a lot of work, but... Yes. Yes, I'd love another one."

"Really?" she asks, not quite disbelieving, but still anxious, wanting to make sure he really wants this. This is a big, big change.

"Yeah. I mean, you know growing up that Ellie and I just had each other... I always knew if I had kids, I'd at least want two. So, so they could have each other, like El and I did."

She chuckles softly.  
"At least?"

He shrugs, a little sheepishly.  
"Well…" He doesn't seem to know what to say, and she smiles, takes pity on him a little and doesn't press the matter. Things may be about to change for them, a lot, and she doesn't want to make him feel embarrassed, here. She's dreamed about a future, and a future with him, too, after all.

"I think I like that idea. It was just me, growing up, I think things would've been a lot easier if I'd had someone else with me. And I know Amy would like to be a sister."

"You kiddin'? Sarah, our daughter would love it. She'd excel, at that." Her heart tugs at his words, _our_ daughter. Theirs. Both of theirs. He's said it before, but him saying it here, as they're about to find out if they might have another, makes her pulse race even more. He leans in, kisses her briefly as if he knows just where her head's at, then pulls back and looks her straight in the eye. "And I wanna be there, for this. I—I couldn't, with Ames, and that's that, but this time, Sarah, I promise…"

Oh, she knows. All the times he's said he wished he could've been there for her with Amy, all the times he'd said he's sorry for what happened back then, all the times he's reassured her, been there for her already, she knows, she knows he'll be there, if this is positive. She'd never doubt him on that.

And she's suddenly extremely anxious to check this test, to know. Looking down at her watch, she sees five minutes have passed. She stands, a little shaky on her feet, and Chuck stands too, hand still in hers. He squeezes, tight, before they walk over to the sink and she picks up the test. She's already memorized the symbols, what they mean, so when she sees the two lines, her heart soars.

She hands Chuck the test, grins.  
"So, how do you think we should tell Amy when the time comes?"

He laughs a little tearily, tugs her closer, and kisses her, full of love. He pulls back, rests his forehead against hers.  
"Oh my god, Sarah. We're gonna have another kid,"

She grins, tears in her own eyes.  
"I love you so much," she murmurs, and he kisses her, over and over.

* * *

She's exhausted. Completely exhausted. The hospital bed isn't as comfortable as the big new king size they'd bought for their house, but that's not quite why she's so drained. No, the tiny, sleeping bundle in her arms, is the reason she's so tired. Leo Bartowski has a roar to go with his name, and he'd entered the world a couple hours ago, screaming suitably. He's calm, now, finally, sleeping peacefully with his little features relaxed and adorable, lids now closed over hazel brown shining eyes. He's wrapped up tight and has a little hat upon his head, but Sarah knows a tuft of brown hair sits beneath it. She rather hopes it curls like his father's. He is sweet, and perfect, and she's glad to have him back in her arms after the little while he's been gone.

Chuck had been unbelievable during the whole thing, much like he's always been, and has especially been through the past nine or so months. He'd been there all along, holding her hand, stroking her hair, letting her squeeze the life out his arm with the particularly painful contractions. And he'd just kept whispering how much he loves her, how incredible she was being. She'd had nothing like that, before, with Amy. Chuck seemed determined to be there for her, as much as possible.

And she loves him, so much.

The door clicks as it opens, and she looks up to see her husband walking toward her, grinning. By his side, holding his hand, is their five-year-old, looking just a little wary. Amy has been very excited about the arrival of her little brother ever since they told her about him, but Sarah knows, the concept of having a sibling is a little different to actually having one, right there. She's not surprised Amy is a little shy, now.

"Hiya, bug," she murmurs, smiling softly at her little girl.

Amy hangs back, and Chuck laughs quietly, crouching down and kissing her head.  
"Go on, Ames. Go meet your brother,"

"Is that him, Daddy?" she asks, and Chuck nods, smiling. Amy steps forward, looking up at her mother, and Sarah pats the space in front of her, waiting as her little girl hops up onto the bed, eyes wide.

"He's asleep, right now, Ames, but you can come closer."

She rises onto her knees, steady as she slowly peers over, looking at her brother's sleeping face, his little hat.  
"Heh." she says, smiling a little, tilting her head as she watches him. "He's cute."

"Yeah, bug, he is."

"Leo," Amy murmurs, and almost on cue, like he heard his sister say his name, the little boy stirs just a tiny bit, head twitching and limbs stretching a little within his blanket, before he falls back into a peaceful slumber. With a grin, Amy leans down, presses a super soft kiss to her brother's head, and as she does so, Sarah hears the click of a camera.

She looks up, sees Chuck holding his camera, and when he lowers it, his eyes meet hers, open, filled with love, impossibly warm. He smiles just a little, and she smiles right back, taking a deep breath, before she looks around at her family. Her children, her husband. The people who own her heart more than anything else in the world.

She used to have dreams. Dreams of someone by her side, someone to be a father to Amy, someone to be there for her, too. A home, them all together, filled with warm laughter and love and joy. She never thought she'd get those dreams. And yet, that day, years ago, moving into the apartment across from Chuck Bartowski, she's found them, found them all. And she's never been happier.

* * *

 **a/n 2:** Well. That was that. The proposal scene here was probably my favourite thing to write from the whole fic. Anyway, as I said at the start, I really love this story. Sharing it with you has also coincided with some pretty big changes in my life, as y'all who read my rambling a/ns know, so I know it'll always hold a special little place in my heart. It's also been quite the journey for me, in many ways, seeing your feedback and interacting with this community, for better or worse. Currently, I have no plans to write anything more for this universe, and I have nothing else specifically written. But, I do love this world, and I do love these characters, and I know there's certainly a lot more I _could_ explore, if I wanted to, and if I had the time. As a new year of classes in a brand new country and continent start up, though, I can't and won't promise you anything. I honestly don't know if/when I'll be back, but I certainly need a break after this. So for now, I just leave you with this chapter, which I hope you've enjoyed, and this story. And if you did like it, I'd be super grateful if you could leave a little review on your way out. See you around, people.

-Kiera :)


End file.
